Chapter 19.5. Karin
"A star can only shine in darkness."
When I was seven years old, my mom passed away.
I wasn't surprised to learn that she had died, since she'd been acting noticeably different just days before. From the hushed discussions with the other women, to the quiet arguments with Zōsui, and her soft murmurings with Jun, I think I knew that the end was near, but it wasn't until I woke up that morning and found her cold body on her bed that I truly understood.
I found a way to blame myself, believing that if I had slept with her, I would've been able to realize she was gone quicker and somehow get help. It was a child's way of reasoning, and the adults around me saw it as such, but I couldn't be convinced otherwise.
As the medical responders carried her out of the room, I stood there teary-eyed and full of self-loathing. It was as everyone cleared out of the room that Chef Raika held me back to tell me that it wasn't my fault. I shook my head and moved to leave but he held me firmly, implying that I should meet his eyes.
"Your mother had—well, a disease that attacks the immune system. It made it harder to fight off sicknesses." He explained as I gave him a confused look, "And it was transmittable, that's why she didn't want you staying with her. She didn't want to give it to you."
The disease he had been talk about was HIV or, as it was discovered to have reached its most latent stage: AIDS. Although the diagnosis had only been given six months ago, it turns out that she'd had it for several years, but I would find that out much later.
"Is there anything you want to say?" Michiko asked me softly, putting her arm around my shoulders.
I stared at my mom's still face, pale and pristine, unlike how she had ever looked while she was alive, and a part of me hoped that if I looked long enough, she would open her eyes and sit up, or maybe I would open my eyes, and this would all be one bad dream. But after a moment of watching and no movement, I shook my head and Michiko gently patted me on the back before leading me out of the viewing room.
Zōsui stood out in the hallway with Chef Raika, and by the look on Raika's face, he was saying something he didn't like. As we passed them, Zōsui's paused to look at me and I nodded my head respectfully. He frowned before returning his attention to Raika and continuing their conversation.
"I don't know why you're asking for my permission." Raika said, "At the end of the day, you're in a charge. Whatever you say goes."
"Come on, don't be like that." Zōsui rubbed the back of his neck, "If it comes from me, it'll be just another order, but if I have you're approval…"
Before I could hear anymore, Michiko tugged me along till we stood just outside of the doorway. The weather was fitting for the occasion: heavy rain with no sign of letting up. Jun jogged up to us with a black umbrella, and the three of us huddled together till we got to the parking lot.
Michiko sat in the back with me as Jun got into the driver's seat, and once everyone was settled, Jun looked back at me and told me that it was okay to cry. I hadn't shed a single tear throughout the funeral, and I almost prided myself in the fact that I had displayed such "maturity" but at his suggestion that it was okay to let my true feelings show, the tears came running down.
I cried so hard and so much that Jun and Michiko decided there was no point in taking me to the burial, as I would only be more upset. We drove back to *Shiawase, and I immediately went and holed myself up in my mother's room. Instead of her habitual coconut aroma, the room smelled of bleach and disinfectant, prompting me to search her closet for anything of hers that might still carry her scent.
What I found shocked me even more: her closet was empty, clothing and shoes alike gone. There was nothing left to suggest that her things had ever been here. I whipped my head around to find her room showed the same signs of nothingness. Even her vanilla candles had been removed from her nightstand, and the picture of us she'd had on her dresser was nowhere to be found. Everything that proved that my mother had ever been in this room, that she had ever been alive was gone.
The shock was indescribable, and as Michiko tells it, for a moment I lost my mind. She and Jun had been content to let me sit in her room, thinking that I would eventually come out when I was hungry, but that idea was quickly abandoned when they heard me screaming. Jun kicked in the door and found me a sobbing mess on her bed.
I remember him shushing me and rocking me back and forth, and I remember Michiko coming from behind and sandwiching me in-between them. Sometime during this hug session, I fell asleep, as the next thing I knew, I was beside Michiko in her room, wrapped up in her covers.
Michiko was absentmindedly stroking my hair, and Jun sat at edge of the bed, clicking through channels and munching on a mango. As Michiko turned to me, I found myself pretending to be asleep and quickly shutting my eyes.
"She looks just like her." Michiko noted, and I felt Jun's weight leave the edge of the bed before reappearing beside me where he climbed in.
"She always did." Jun chuckled lightly, and I felt his hand against my forehead, "She's her mother's twin."
I heard a breath hitch and Jun's hand left my forehead for something else.
"I just—I can't believe she's gone…" Michiko's voice wavered as I realized she was crying, "She should be here. She would be here if Zōsui hadn't…oh, Kami."
Except for the low chatter of the TV, the room went silent as Michiko quietly sobbed. Jun shuffled beside me and I peeked an eye open to see what he'd done to get her to stop crying. To my shock, the two were lip locked above me, and I found myself peering through both eyes at the scene before me.
Jun's hand moved from her chin down to her neck and slid into her kimono. When his hand reached her chest, she drew back.
"Michi…" He called as she pulled away.
"We can't. If Zōsui ever found out, he'd—"
"Forget Zōsui." Jun interrupted her, "I can protect you."
She shushed him before shaking her head, "Still, Karin's right here."
At the mention of my name, I hurriedly closed my eyes again, and just in time because I felt Michiko lay down beside me before Jun did the same, and Michiko rested her hand on my chest.
"Oyasumi." Jun breathed, and Michiko gently returned the saying.
That night ended peacefully, and it was one of the most peaceful nights I could remember.
*Shiawase means happiness or good fortune
When I was eight years old, Zōsui attitude towards me changed.
He had never been a particularly nice man, but I had grown up with the understanding that he was in charge, and whether I liked him or not, my mother had always told me to seek him out if I had a problem. But she'd never told me what to do if he was the problem.
"Clean it properly!" Zōsui yelled.
"I'm trying!" I cried as I struggled to scrape the stain off the floor.
He had ordered me to work in the kitchen after coming to Michiko's room one day and finding me fast asleep. Ever since my mother's funeral, I had been steadily abandoning my room and moving in with her. At first, I'd only come at night to sleep, but once she'd assured me that she didn't mind my company, I found myself in her room more and more often. After a year had passed, Michiko's room essentially became mine, and I completely moved in with her.
Zōsui lifted his foot and I flinched, immediately raising up my hands to shield myself from a kick, but when nothing happened, I lowered my hands and peeped at him through teary eyes. He and Chef Raika were having an intense stare down, and as Zōsui clicked his tongue and looked away, I realized he had lost.
"I want this kitchen floor spotless by the time I come back." Zōsui aimed this at me as he left, "You won't like me if it's not."
"Damn brute." Raika muttered, still staring after Zōsui, "Don't worry about it, Karin."
I pulled my eyes away from the flapping kitchen doors to turn to Chef Raika, "But Zōsui-sama said—"
"I know what he said!" Raika snapped before sighing, "Just…go take a seat somewhere, alright? I'll take care of it."
Although Raika hadn't ordered me to find a seat in the nicest way, I know now that he was trying to help me. However, the eight-year-old me saw it as a scolding, and basically took it as his way of telling me that I was useless.
With a hung head, I left the kitchen and roamed the manor in search of Jun. After checking a couple rooms and finding no sign of him, I decided to head to Michiko. Those two were the only people I could truly confide in, and I sometimes preferred Michiko over Jun because while Jun always tried to instill wise words of wisdom, Michiko knew that silence was best after a stressful situation.
When I got to her room, I noticed that her door was cracked open, and as I drew nearer, I could hear her and Zōsui talking. While my first thought was to turn around and head back to the kitchen before he somehow caught me, a little voice told me to stick around for a little longer, so I peeked into the room through the slight door space.
"You're treating her like a child." Zōsui commented, and I knew that he was speaking about me.
"She is a child." Michiko shot back, going over to her dresser and removing her earrings, "And you would do well to remember that."
"Oh? Advice from Michiko herself?" Zōsui chuckled as he stood up and went over to her, "Today must be my lucky day."
Michiko let out an exasperated sigh as she turned around, "What do you want?"
"What? I can't come chat with one of my top earners?" He pinched her chin and tilted her head up, "One of the most beautiful women I know?"
She rolled her eyes as his other hand grabbed her behind, "Stop."
"Why?" He lowered his voice, and I strained my ear to hear the rest of his words, "You just finished up with Akihito, right? We both know that old man only looks out for himself."
"I'll ma-manage." Michiko stuttered as he bunched up her kimono around her waist.
He laughed again before sliding his hand up her leg, "You don't need to. I'm right here."
As Michiko protested, he pressed her up against her dresser and although I couldn't exactly see what was happening, I watched her bite her lip as his arm moved slightly back and forth.
"I-Is this what you did to Sachie?" Michiko shut her eyes, "She was always so tired after a client, but she would never tell us why…don't tell me it was you."
I wondered why Michiko had brought up my mother at such a time, but my question would soon be answered as I learned a little bit more about the life she had lived.
"Sachie never told you because she didn't want you to lose respect for her." Zōsui replied. "How would you ever trust her if she told you that the only person who could get her off was me?"
"You're…lying." Michiko's head fell back as she choked out the latter word, and Zōsui smirked.
"I'm not. I knew her body better than anyone, better than all her regulars. And I know you the same way." He sped up his ministrations and she unwittingly grabbed his shoulders, "Better than your clients. Better than Jun."
At Jun's name, Michiko's eyes opened, but she quickly shut them again before hissing as his hand moved carelessly against her.
"You think I don't know what you and that *okama do when you're alone? Though I guess he can't be much of a homo if he's bedding you at night." Zōsui chuckled, "Hm, Michi?"
Michiko bit her lower lip as he removed his hand from her and picked her up, and I watched with concern as he laid her down on the bed and turned her over.
"But you can have your fun with him." He said as he lifted her ass in the air before loosening his own kimono, "Because you and I both know that no one can touch a woman like I can."
As he aligned himself with her entrance and pressed forward, I realized that what I was watching was a clear view of the weird scenes I had stumbled across in the manor whenever the room doors weren't properly shut. Curiosity overrode reason, and I found myself wanting to see more, wanting to know exactly what it was that occurred between the women and their clients. What was it that my mother had been doing all this time?
"If I want it to hurt, it'll hurt." Zōsui slammed his hips down and drew a strangled cry from Michiko.
"And if I want her to feel good…" He reached a hand around her waist and rubbed a certain area, "She'll feel good. Sachie knew that; maybe she'd still be alive if I hadn't neglected her those last few months, but I wasn't gonna risk getting a disease for some pussy."
Michiko grabbed at the sheets as he gripped her hips and threw himself deeper inside her and groaned as she spoke, "You never…cared about h-her. Up until the end, y-you always…used her."
She ended off with a whine as he smashed into her again, and he slowed himself long enough to answer, "If she didn't want to be used, she could've left a long time ago."
The little voice that had told me to stick around was now telling me to leave. The more I stood by the door and watched them copulate, the worse I began to feel.
Unable to see Michiko from my current angle, my ears zeroed in on her pained cries and labored breathing, and the younger me could only assume that she was in pain. With this assumption in mind, my fear of Zōsui only increased, and while I wondered how he could be so cruel as to hear her cries and continue to do whatever he was doing, I also wondered how my mother had been able to endure such an agonizing way of living.
Michiko whimpered as their hips collided with discernable claps, and I could hear the smirk on Zōsui's face as he snickered, "Once they're about to cum, all the complaints just disappear. Women."
I slowly backed away from the door as Michiko's pitch went higher and higher, and before long I was heading down the hallway and back towards the kitchen. I ran right into Chef Raika who had been looking for me, and he told me to calm down before asking what I was fleeing from. I explained to him what I had just seen and Raika straightened up before patting my head.
"Listen, Karin," He said in a hushed voice, "You have to promise me that you won't tell anyone about what you saw today, okay? Especially not Jun; if you tell him, he'll—just don't say anything, ne?"
I nodded slowly, understanding that what I had seen could not have been good, and although Jun and Michiko's relationship wasn't entirely clear to me at the time, I knew that Jun cared for her; if he knew that she was being hurt in some way, there was nothing that would stop him from taking action.
Raika smiled lightly before taking my hand, "Good girl. I made some gyoza, want some?"
"Ew, I hate gyoza." I made a face before squeezing his hand, "And you know that!"
He laughed as we returned to the kitchen, and I didn't see Zōsui for the rest of the day. While I should've been relieved that he'd somehow forgotten to check on the kitchen floor's status, I became stuck on what he and Michiko had been doing and began to feel terrible about leaving her.
The familiarity of the situation reminded me of how I had found my mother's lifeless body that fated morning, and I set aside my dinner to go look for Michiko. I had made the mistake of assuming everything was alright once, and I would not do that again.
Just as I stepped out of the kitchen, however, Michiko collided with me in the hall, and I instantly threw my arms around her. She hobbled a bit before regaining her balance, and when I pulled back, she raised a perplexed eyebrow at me
"Karin? What is it?"
I shook my head as I recalled my promise to Raika, and tears welled up in my eyes as the scenes I'd witnessed a few hours ago came rushing to mind. Although I hadn't said anything, my reaction must've given me away because she tenderly rubbed my back as we entered the kitchen.
"You shouldn't have seen that." She whispered, "Gomennasai."
Jun was now in the kitchen, having entered from the other side. He came up to us with a plate of dumplings, and happily tossed one into his mouth.
"Sorry for what?" He asked as he chewed, and Michiko rolled her eyes before wiping some crumbs from his mouth.
She looked at me as answered him, "Nothing. Ne, Karin?"
"Mhm." I nodded, meeting her eyes and understanding that I was not to slip up like I had just done with her.
As the three of us ate and recounted our day, I felt like I had grown considerably closer to Michiko as we both opted to exclude Zōsui from our narrations. How foolish I was, to believe that this secret we shared was something to be giddy over. Maybe if I would've pulled Jun aside that day and told him, things wouldn't have gone so wrong later. But I didn't.
*Okama is a Japanese term for gay people, literally meaning homosexual
When I was ten years old, a man by the name of Zabuza came to the brothel. I didn't know much about him other than the fact that he was an esteemed guest, and a cold-blood killer, with the latter part being gossip from the women. I could've gone the whole day without ever seeing him, yet just as I got to the task of cleaning Zōsui's office, he and Zabuza waltzed in.
Zōsui's face flashed with annoyance, and I braced myself as he picked up the stapler I had knocked over. Thankfully, the stapler never came flying at me, and I once I realized that, I returned to tidying the office and simultaneously listening in.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Zabuza asked, and Zōsui grabbed a bottle of wine from the rack behind his desk.
"Come on, take a seat." Zōsui extended his arm to the chair before him, "You just got here, the least you could do is—"
"What. Did you want. To talk about." Zabuza repeated, and Zōsui sighed.
"Always straight to the point with you." Zōsui poured himself a glass of wine, "Alright, fine; the Yuki boy, I want him. How does three million ryo sound?"
"He's not for sale." Zabuza pushed the glass away.
As Zōsui tried to bargain for the boy that was rumored to be traveling with Zabuza, I took note of how easily Zabuza rejected every offer. It wasn't every day you heard someone speak so rudely to Zōsui and not seem the least bit apologetic about it, so I wanted to know more about the man who didn't respect him one bit.
"How many times do I have to tell you? He's not for sale." Zabuza denied him again.
Zōsui became acutely aware of my presence after this rejection and ordered me out of the room. I shut the door behind me before quietly sighing at the fact that I had been kicked out, and with nothing to do, I slipped away to the lounge and got under the *kotatsu. As I got under the warm covers, my feet brushed against someone else's, and I learned that I wasn't the only person sitting at the table.
A young boy with medium length dark brown hair sat up and rubbed his eyes. I looked over him rather quickly and immediately spotted the bruises on his arms. As his vision cleared, he smiled lightly.
"Hello. I'm Haku." He stretched his hand across the table and I shook it gingerly.
"Karin." I introduced myself plainly, "Are you the boy that travels with Zabuza?"
He nodded his head as he stretched his arms, "Were you looking for me?"
I shook my head, "Not really, I just…I have a question for you."
"Ask away." He tucked his hands under his chin and balanced his arms on the table.
The more I stared at him, the more I admired his looks. He was a boy, and boys were supposed to be handsome, but I couldn't think of any word that described him better than "pretty." Even with his unkempt hair and his questionable fashion sense, one look at his face would captivate you. It was no wonder Zōsui was so adamant about buying him.
"Um, what's the deal with you and Zabuza? He's not your dad, right?"
"Heh, no. To me, Zabuza-sama is…" Haku's cheeks reddened, "…an irreplaceable existence in my life. I…love him."
"Love?" I questioned, thinking of what the women did with customers inside the manor, "But you're a kid and he's…kinda old. And aren't you both guys?"
"No, I mean…if he needs me to die, I'll die, and if he needs me to live, I'll live." Haku clarified, "I would do anything for him."
"But why?" I asked again, even more confused, "You've got bruises all over. If anything, he beats you way more than Zōsui-sama beats me."
"Beats?" Haku shook his head, looking at his arms, "Oh, this isn't from a beating, it's from training."
I raised an eyebrow at the term, "Training?"
He stood up and took on a fighting position, "He's training me to be strong."
"Oh…so then he's helping you?" I guessed, fumbling to connect the dots.
"Yes, but it's not for free." Haku lowered his fists, "I'm supposed to be a tool once my trainings complete. Then I can prove myself useful to him."
"Hm…" I nodded as if I had understood, but the truth was that he'd managed to lose me again, "Well, I don't think I can love Zōsui-sama like that. I don't think I can love him at all."
"Why not?" Haku questioned, tilting his head.
"I didn't ask to get stronger. And he's not really teaching me anything." I clasped my hands together as I recalled the various times Zōsui had disciplined me, "Well, he says he only hits me because I'm bad, so maybe he's teaching me to be good?"
Haku's frowned, "That's not—"
He was cut off by the lounge doors sliding open, and we turned our heads as Zabuza stepped inside.
"Haku." Zabuza slid open the door, "We're leaving."
"Yes, Zabuza-sama." Haku jumped to his feet and ran to his side.
It was only then that I noticed Zōsui standing behind Zabuza, and I scrambled to get up, fearing that he would beat me again for failing to show respect, but to my relief he wasn't even paying attention me.
"So, you're really not gonna give the kid to me?" Zōsui questioned, taking his thumb and forefinger to pinch Haku's chin, inspecting his face, "He's prettier than half the women I've got."
Zabuza pulled Haku over to his other side, "He's not for sale."
"I give." Zōsui threw his hands up in defeat, "Maybe you can learn something from the boy, Karin. He does as he's told without asking questions and without messing up; if you did the same, you'd make both our lives easier."
While he was talking to me, Haku tugged on Zabuza's hand and whispered something to him.
Zabuza straightened up and called for Zōsui's attention, "How 'bout I throw your offer back at you? I'll give you three million for the girl."
"No." Zōsui's tone was hard and determined as he immediately refused the proposal.
"She sounds like she's giving you a hard time." Zabuza crossed his arms, "I bet I could whip her into shape."
At the term whip, I couldn't help but feel nervous but when I caught Haku's eye and he winked, I knew that he wasn't serious about the threat.
"No means no." Zōsui's mouth was a straight line, "Her mother left her to me and I'm gonna take care of her."
"How?" Zabuza inquired, "Gonna put her to work like you're trying to do to my boy?"
What was once a warm atmosphere was now sharp and cold as the two men stared each other down. Finally, Zōsui spoke.
"I'll see you two to the door."
"Tch." Zabuza followed after him but not before sparing a quick glance at me.
Once only Haku remained, he quickly ran to me and grabbed my hands.
"Gomen, I told him to try and get you but…" Haku shook his head, "Stay strong, Karin. I'll prove myself and come back for you one day, but until then you have to stay strong."
"Ora, Haku! Get a move on, will ya?!" Zabuza yelled from down the hall.
"Coming!" Haku shouted in response as he turned back to me, "We're in Kirigakure. If things get too bad and you can't wait for me, go there. It's—"
"HAKU!"
"Remember, Kirigakure." Haku dropped my hands and ran down the hall.
I followed behind him and watched as the pair stepped outside. Zabuza turned back and leaned into Zōsui, leaving him with a final message that couldn't have been good, seeing as how Zōsui slammed the doors shut on him. When Zōsui turned around, I could see fury etched on his face plain as a day, and I immediately tried to step out of sight.
Sadly, I was too slow, and Zōsui yelled for me to come forward, an order which I obeyed. He tilted my head up before making me spread my arms and legs, and as he patted me down, he spent a considerable amount of time on my chest area.
"Hurry up and grow." He said as he finished up, dismissing me, "There's no room for dead weight here."
I would've expected there to be some kind of change after that comment, but the next three years went by surprisingly quietly. When I turned eleven, Zōsui stopped hitting me, and when I turned twelve, he began to ignore me completely. I couldn't help but thank Kami at the shift in his actions, and I really began to believe that my life was heading towards better times.
Looking back on it now, it was a short-lived fantasy that could only be supported if I turned a blind eye to certain things. More than once, I had caught Zōsui staring at me, staring at certain parts as the years went by, but I ignored them, seeing as how he never said or did anything.
And then the week before my thirteenth birthday arrived.
*A kotatsu is a wooden table covered by a blanket that sits on top of a heat source of some kind
Zōsui came into my room to confirm the date. I wouldn't have been so flustered at his sudden appearance if I hadn't just gotten out of the shower, and as he entered my room, I quickly rewrapped my towel around myself before turning to face him.
"Karin, you're going to turn thirteen on the 20th, right?" It didn't escape me how his eyes dropped from my face to my chest.
"Y-Yes." I nodded, clutching my towel together tighter, "In a week."
Uneasiness began to spread through me as his eyes raked over my body, but after a few tense moments of silence, Zōsui nodded to himself and went back to the door to call for Jun. Luckily, he had been nearby, and he gracefully entered the room, giving me a wink as he came over to me.
"Yes, sir?" Jun faced Zōsui after giving my hand a squeeze.
"She'll be thirteen in a week so begin the preparations today."
The subtle smile fell off Jun's face in an instant, "I thought we would wait until she was fifteen?"
"Things change."
"Even so…" Jun shook his head, "Why me? Why not Michiko?"
"I did tell Michiko. You can guess what she said to me." Zōsui's jaw hardened as he presumably recalled an unpleasant exchange with her.
Jun went silent and Zōsui crossed his arms, waiting for a response. He grew impatient and spoke again.
"Are you going to do it, or should I?"
"No, no, I'll do it." Jun waved his hand before looking at me, "I'll do it…"
Zōsui left the room without another word, and I took the opportunity to question Jun about what was going to happen. It'd been a while since I'd seen Jun make such a face, so what could Zōsui have been alluding to that would make him so serious?
Jun bit his lower lip, "Something you're too young for…don't get dressed, there's somewhere we need to go."
He took my hand, and we went to one of the rooms that the women would meet their clients in. Jun shut the door behind us before going over to the nightstand and opening the second drawer, and after a few seconds of searching, he found what he was looking for and brought out a packet of folded-up strips of paper.
Tearing a piece off, he pressed it against my lips, "Lick this."
"Ish kindah shweet." I said as I licked it around his fingers, but I noticed that it was falling apart in my mouth, "Whah ish it?"
"An algae strip. I'm gonna use it to…to prepare you." Jun shut his eyes at those words, "…Come on."
He picked me up and carried me over to the bed, and I couldn't help but call his name, hoping he would smile and dispel the stressful atmosphere, "Jun?"
"Take off the towel, Karin. Please." He shook his head, "The faster we do this, the faster it ends."
I followed his orders and set my towel aside as he took the melted algae strip from my mouth. It was pale and slimy, and he mashed his fingers together for a minute before deciding the consistency was to his standards.
"Lie down." Jun instructed me, and I obeyed his command, "If it hurts, let me know."
For the first day, he only used one finger, and we spent about fifteen minutes in that room. It didn't hurt but it felt weird, and I made sure to tell him that.
"I know." Jun sighed as he wrapped the towel around me, "I know."
On the second day, he used two fingers and I got used to that relatively quickly, so Jun tried to go to the next step and use three but that's when it began to hurt. He tried everything, going slow, using more algae strips, one at a time, all at once, but nothing could alleviate the pain, so we ended the session there.
His face was cheerless as he stood up to wipe his hands, and I quickly apologized for having made things difficult, hoping to allay his disappointment. Instead, his frown only worsened as he shook his head.
"Don't apologize." He rested a hand on my shoulder before pulling me into a hug, "I'm the one who should be…"
Jun tried again on day three, but it was more or less the same outcome. This time, he abandoned the idea early on and let me rest, even going out and getting me some pecan ice cream. Zōsui came in just as I finished the small cup, and he told me to leave before he and June spoke. I was able to hear some of it by remaining by the door, and once Zōsui said something about teaching me how to suck, Jun erupted.
"Don't you have any shame?" Jun yelled, "She's a child!"
"She's thirteen. If she's gonna live here, she can take up the work just like everybody else. Or would you rather I put her out?"
"Put her out? After what you did to her mother? You'd actually put her out?" Jun started to say, but before I could hear more, Michiko caught me eavesdropping and took me away.
As we walked back to my room, I confided in her about my lack of progress with Jun and she pursed her lips as if she wanted to say something, but ultimately kept quiet.
On the fourth day, I was surprised to see both Michiko and Jun in the room. After removing my pants, once I got on the bed, Michiko sat behind me and Jun sat in front of me, and the two nodded to each other. Michiko gently hugged me from the back while Jun brought out a small tube and squeezed some oil onto his hand, and I shuddered as I felt the cold wetness against me.
When Jun inserted his fingers, I expected the same pain that I had previously experienced before and jumped back, but slowly calmed down when I realized it wasn't there. That sharp ache was gone, replaced by a new feeling, a warm buzz almost.
"Good, Karin." Michiko quietly praised me as I relaxed and leaned back against her, "You're doing well."
The room was quiet except for the faint sounds of wetness coming from below me. However, things began to take a turn as the warmth turned to a sweltering ache.
"M-Michi…" I looked to Michiko for guidance, tears welling up in my eyes, "It burns…"
"Daijōbu." She pressed a kiss to my forehead, her voice barely above a whisper, "Put your hand here."
She lifted my right hand and placed it on a spot in my lower region. As she pressed my hand down, I arched my back as a tingling sensation shot up my spine.
"Remember this place, Karin. Whenever down there starts to hurt, r-rub here." Her voice faltered as she looked away, "Okay?"
Too lost in my own discomfort to notice her tearing up, I swiftly nodded and followed her instructions, immediately feeling relief, as well as something else. I felt Jun stretch me as he inserted another finger, and I looked down at him.
He cleared his throat as he moved his fingers, "Can you feel me, Karin? Okay, now think about tightening that area. Aa, like that. Good, good, you're doing great."
"Jun, something…" I screwed my eyes shut as my stomach tightened up, "Something's coming. I'm going to pee…"
He shook his head and continued his actions, "It's not pee. Just…just let it out."
With a tremble and a sigh, I felt myself clench and unclench as something seeped out of my body, and relief washed over me as Jun removed his fingers. He kissed my cheeks before pulling back and lowering my shirt.
Although I didn't exactly understand what I'd just experienced, I knew that it felt good and that I had done it with the two people I loved the most. I let out another contented sigh as I rested on Michiko and shut my eyes, foolishly thinking that I wouldn't mind doing this again.
When the fifth day rolled around, I was a bit saddened to see that Michiko would not be joining us, but my sadness turned to confusion when Jun stopped me from taking off my pants.
"Go get a banana from the kitchen." He ordered, and I raised an eyebrow at the odd request.
"One or two?"
"Just one, don't eat it though." He smiled lightly, and I happily went down to the kitchen.
Chef Raika muttered under his breath and reluctantly handed me a banana. Although I was a little confused by his hesitancy, I thanked him nonetheless and returned to the room. When Jun saw it, the smile on his face faded, and he took it from me.
"Hold the banana like this." Jun demonstrated, wrapping his fist around the unpeeled base, "Then you...you have to kiss the tip."
"From there you can improvise." He continued, flicking his tongue over the banana before sliding it down slowly, "Do what you think is best, and watch his face for a reaction."
I looked at the banana for a moment before shaking my head, "This won't work. Let me try it on you."
Jun's face turned pale, "What?"
"The banana, it's supposed to be a man's thing, right?" I asked, having connected the dots, "You have one, let me use yours."
"Karin, I—"
"Come on." I interrupted, palming him through his kimono, "I've seen some of the women do it before."
"You've seen some of the…?" Jun shook his head as he lifted my hand, "You shouldn't know these things, Karin."
"But I do." I started to push his kimono up but he stopped me again, so I resorted to begging, "Please, Jun. How else am I supposed to learn?"
He bit his lip before looking up and muttering a prayer for forgiveness. After he was done, he slowly opened his kimono to reveal his length, and I knelt before him. It was my first time seeing one so up close and clearly, so I touched it with a bit of fear as well as curiosity. Once I got over my initial awe of his member, I recalled the instructions he had given me and practiced my positioning.
I had thought I was doing a good job of holding it, but his hissing told me to soften my grip, and within a few seconds, his member sprang to life. I eyed it in wonder, reveling in the how warm it felt in my hands, and within seconds, I lower my lips to the tip and kissed it. In turn, Jun sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed at the sheets.
Just as he had shown me, I slid my tongue down his length before pausing, "I...don't know what to do."
He had told me to improvise, but that was with the assumption that I had much prior knowledge to draw from. Sure, I'd sometimes happened upon one of the women with their customers in a similar position, but I had never stuck around long enough to see what they did.
Jun exhaled heavily before speaking.
"A man's most sensitive spots are his tip, balls, and...another area that we'll talk about later. You could rub their balls and pull the tip into your mouth, but I wouldn't go any further than that because you might choke."
I nodded before implementing some of his pointers, and I felt him throb in my hand. As he had advised, I placed my mouth on his tip and ran my tongue over it. While I did this, my free hand lightly massaged and pinched his balls.
Despite his warning, I felt that I could take him a bit deeper and pushed his length further into my mouth. I continued my motions for a few silent moments, with the only sound being Jun's soft groans and uneven breathing. I felt him pulse just as he pushed my head back and watched as a white substance shot out and onto the floor.
While most of it fell to the ground, some of it managed to hit my cheek and the corner of my mouth. I was entranced by what I had just seen and made no motion to move. Jun, on the other hand, straightened up and lifted his hand to wipe my face.
As his hand touched my cheek, a sudden thought came to mind and with a quick swipe of my tongue, I took some of his discharge into my mouth. I was immediately alarmed when he grabbed me up and shook me.
"Are you crazy?! Spit it out right now!"
"But—!"
"Now!" Jun ordered, holding his hands together in front of my mouth.
I unenthusiastically slobbered into his hands, and he wiped them on a towel before mopping up the rest of his spilled essence.
"What's wrong with tasting it?" I asked him, confused by his somewhat violent reaction, "It was salty but…I kinda like it."
Jun looked absolutely horrified by my words and he shook his head as he stepped back, "You didn't just say that. Oh, Buddha be merciful…I never should've…"
"Jun?" I called his name questioningly as he left the room, "What am I doing wrong?"
The sixth day was another rest day, and this time Michiko joined us. The three of us went for a walk and I asked Jun to buy me a loaf of bread when we were in town. On our way back, we stopped by a nearby lake, and I began to break off pieces of the bread and throw it into the water for the ducks.
Michiko and Jun stood off to the side with light smiles, and although they were speaking in hushed voices, I picked up enough to know that they were talking about me and my mother.
"I just don't understand why Sachie would leave her with him of all people." Michiko murmured, "I mean, look what he's trying to get her to do. She's not even thirteen!"
Jun hushed her and the two looked at me, but I had perfected the art of listening without looking. I laughed as a duckling jumped into my hand, and the two continued their conversation, confident that I hadn't heard them.
"You have to stop him, Jun." Michiko implored him, "This isn't what she would've wanted for her. Please, before it's too late. You have to do something."
Jun was quiet for a moment before speaking, "You know there's only one solution to this."
"No, not that." Michiko quickly shook her head, "What do you think they'll do to you?"
"I told you I don't care what happens to me. As long as I take that bastard out—"
"And I told you that you are not leaving me." Michiko's voice broke towards the end, "I won't lose anyone else."
"Michi—"
"Jun-chan, can we do this again?" I cut in, not wanting to hear anymore.
"Aa." He clapped his hands and stood up, a wide smile spreading on his face, "We can do this as many times as you like!"
The three of us walked back in a warm silence, and although they hadn't said anything, I got the feeling that we were all on the same page. I wasn't completely sure what was going on with this training, but I had piece together enough over the years to understand that I would soon be a woman in a room, tending to her client's whims and desires. I would soon be like my mother.
On the seventh day, several things changed. For one, when I came back to my room after finishing up another session with Jun, I found it dimly lit by a bunch of orange candles with a strange smell, and Zōsui was sitting on my bed.
"Zōsui-sama?" I called, uncertain if it was him I was seeing.
"Close the door." He commanded, and I obliged.
He beckoned for me to come closer and when I was right in front of him, he removed my glasses and inspected my face.
"You really are…" He shook his head and trailed off, releasing my face, "So, how much has Jun taught you?"
"Um…" I didn't know how to answer that question.
"Can you please a man?" Zōsui rephrased the question, but I still had no idea how to respond.
"That fool." Zōsui muttered as he threw me on the bed, "Do you even know what's happening?"
I shook my head slightly and found myself moving back in fear. I still had a habit of flinching whenever his voice expressed any negative emotion, but there was something different about this situation. It didn't have the same air as when I was about to be punished, but it felt dangerous all the same, and his ensuing sigh confirmed it.
He sighed, "Karin, make sure you pay attention to everything I say and do, understand?"
"Yes, but…what are you going to do?" I asked.
Zōsui loosened his kimono, "I'm going to make you a woman."
To say that it hurt would be an understatement. As soon as he began to press into me, everything I had been taught flew out the window. I guess I had expected him to have some kind of conscience, show some kind of concern when I was clearly in pain, but he just…kept going. It didn't help that he was narrating his actions, as if he would somehow be able to pass off his behavior as a teaching moment.
Unable to do anything but endure, I was reminded of how he had taken Michiko the same way some years ago, and I resigned myself to my fate.
Eventually, he got his release and pulled out of me before redressing himself in silence. Curling into a ball, I pressed a fist to my mouth in an effort to stifle my sobs, and he placed his hand on my shoulder. At the thought of him wanting to continue, a shudder rolled through my entire body.
Thankfully, he let go of he me as swiftly as he had grabbed me and ordered me to take a shower.
"Oh, and by the way," He said as he reached the door, "Happy birthday."
I sniffled as the door clicked shut, and let my tears run in a silent stream of anguish before finally sitting up. It was just after midday, meaning the chances of someone being in the showers were low, which I was thankful for; I didn't think I could stay standing long enough to have a simple conversation with anyone.
Although it pained me to move, I managed to redress myself and grab a towel before heading to the showers. I don't know how long I was in there for, but it must have been a considerable amount of time because the door opened, and Jun called my name.
"Karin? Are you in here?"
I opened my mouth to respond but found myself unable to speak. I didn't want him to see me like this; if possible, I didn't want him to see me ever again.
His footsteps drew closer to me as I was the only stall with the shower running, and soon enough I heard the curtain get drawn to the side as he found me.
"Why didn't you answer when I called you? And how long have you been in here?" He asked as he felt the water, and he promptly retracted his hand, "This water is freezing cold! Get out of there!"
He grabbed my hand to drag me out and I pulled my arm free.
"Karin?" Jun called, sensing that something was wrong, "What happened?"
I tried to remain composed, tried to stare ahead and strain my eyes so they wouldn't shut, but in the end, tears built up and I could do nothing but lower my head as they fell. Jun reached around me to shut off the water before grabbing my towel and wrapping me up.
"Come on." He tugged me out of the shower stall, "Let's get you dressed."
He picked me up and grabbed my clothes off the floor before heading back to my room. Once we were inside, he set me down by the door and went into the closet to find something for me to wear. I took the time to look around the room and noted that my vanilla candles had been returned to their usual positions, while the orange candles were nowhere to be found.
It wasn't until I turned to the bed and saw the small pool of blood in the middle that the worst part of what had happened came rushing back to me. Jun happened to find it just as I looked away, and a dark expression flashed on his face before he handed me some underwear and a blue dress. He quickly removed the sheets and exchanged them for an unstained light gray option.
When he turned back to me, I was still dressed in my towel, unable to wear my underwear due to an acute pain that shot up my leg anytime I attempted to lift it.
Jun's eyes softened and he led me to the bed before helping me slip on the underwear and pulling the dress over my head. I quietly thanked him before returning my gaze to the floor, and the two of us sat side by side in silence.
Clearing his throat, he tried to change the mood, saying, "Happy Birthday, Karin! You didn't forget, did you?"
I couldn't help but sob at the now ruined phrase, and lifted my hands to face, "I don't want it to be my birthday…I wish it had never come…"
"Karin…" Jun rubbed my back, getting up, "I'll get Michi so we can go out and—"
"No! Please don't leave me here!" I begged him, hugging him close, "Please don't leave me alone…"
Jun assured me he wouldn't be going anywhere and climbed into bed beside me, "I'm right here, okay?"
I nodded and shut my eyes as I snuggled against him. It took a while for me to fall asleep but once I did, I was gone. I don't remember Jun leaving, but I remember him coming back, as he had kissed my forehead before pulling the covers over him.
As he settled in alongside me, I couldn't help but note that he smelled like Michiko.
It was a month later that I was given my first customer, a man by the name of Souta. He had purchased ten minutes and an oral act, which sounded simple enough, yet once he stepped into the room, I found myself overcome with anxiety.
Needless to say, I failed the simplest of jobs by being stuck like a log the whole time, and although Souta had been kind enough to not force me to do anything, he wasn't so kind as to leave this incident unreported.
I was lying in bed when Zōsui stormed into my room, and I had little time to react as he yanked me onto the floor and forced me into a kneeling position.
"Zōsui-sama?" I called as I tried to stand up, "Why are you—?"
"Sit." He pushed me back down before taking a seat on my bed.
It was only as he loosened his sash with his hand that I understood what he had come for.
"Zōsui-sama, I can explain."
"Then explain." He untied his kimono and freed his length, "Explain to me why a paying customer took out time and money for a service and you didn't deliver!"
"I…" I faltered, no words coming to mind that would be able to satisfy him, "I don't know."
"You don't know." Zōsui repeated with a fed-up laugh, and lifted my chin up, "Show me your technique."
With shaky hands, I gripped his length at the base before applying what Jun had taught me and was startled when Zōsui put his hand on my head and shoved me further down. I gagged at the sudden motion and found my eyes watering.
"Don't vomit." Zōsui groaned, his hand still resting on my head, "I haven't hit you in years but if you throw up, I'll slap you. And don't be so robotic, no man will be able to get off from this. Put some force into it as you suck, for Kami's sake."
I shut my eyes as I employed his suggestions, and he sucked in a sharp breath, "Yes, like that. Fuck…"
I could feel him pulsing and recognized that as the telltale signs of a man about to climax, but as I moved to pull my head back, he held me down and kept me in place. With a grunt, he came, and I choked as his seed splattered into my mouth.
"Swallow." He ordered as he removed himself from my mouth, and I instinctively glared at him, "It's what the customers want. You'll have to get used to it."
Begrudgingly, I obeyed his command and stood up before opening my mouth to show him there was nothing there. Satisfied, Zōsui stood up as well before retying his robes.
"I told Souta to come back tomorrow. I threw in a onetime free sex offer along with his blow job, as compensation for wasting his time today." Zōsui smirked, "If you fail again, I'll have to thoroughly verify your skills."
Although I knew Zōsui intended to make good on this promise, I didn't let my fear show, and simply nodded my head.
He left the room, and I waited a few moments before heading to the bathroom. With two fingers, I reached into the back of my throat and emptied my stomach contents. I found it difficult to sleep that night, as I worried about what would happen if I couldn't serve Souta well.
When he came by the next day, that worry spurned me to action, and I performed my technique to the best of my abilities. That part seemed to go by without any problems, as Souta commended me for my skill, but when it came time for penetration, all my progress went out the drain. No matter what he did, I could not loosen up to save my life.
I recalled Michiko's advice and rubbed that special place right above my entrance, but the little bits of pleasure I felt couldn't compare to the burning pain that ripped through my body as he tried to enter me. With a sigh, he gave up, and I wiped my tears as I moved to give him another blowjob, but Souta held his hand up and told me that he didn't want it.
"Gomennasai." I whisperingly apologized, and he said nothing as he crossed his arms.
Once the time was up, I didn't even bother to maintain social etiquette and customs, instead heading straight for my room in preparation for Zōsui. Hours went by and I didn't hear or see him, which only scared me more. He had to have heard Souta's complaints by now, so where was he?
At Michiko's appeal, I decided to leave my room and get a bite to eat down in the kitchen. While I ate, Jun and Michiko implored me to reveal what had me so shaken up, but I shook my head. There was nothing they could do about it, and I didn't want to have them worrying about me. In the end, they relented, and after finishing my meal, I went back to my room.
As soon as I stepped inside, I felt a hand grab me to the side, while another clasped over my mouth.
"Don't yell, don't scream, don't fight." The foreign voice ordered, "If you understand what I'm saying, nod."
I quickly nodded my head and the man hummed, "Let's go."
The man forced me back out of my room and down the hall to a less popular exit. Once we were outside, he dragged me across the grass to the road where a white van was waiting, and I was shoved inside. Once inside, I realized that Zōsui was sitting in the passenger seat up front, and my stomach dropped.
We drove for quite a while, and the windows were all blacked out with exception of the front windscreen, so I couldn't even tell you which direction we had gone in. All I knew was that once we pulled up to a certain house, the van was put in park and Zōsui stepped down before grabbing me out the back.
I glanced around and thought about making a run for it but abandoned the idea as I realized I had no idea where I was. To this day, I regret that decision. Anything would've been better than what awaited me in that house.
As we went inside, it seemed nice enough, but Zōsui didn't allow me much time to check out the ground floor, as he nudged me upstairs. He led me to a certain room in the back and I immediately noticed that the room was bare except for a rug and a mattress, and the room also didn't have any windows.
He shoved me into the room as he took out his phone and dialed a number. With nothing to do, I took a seat on the edge of the mattress and looked up at him.
"Aa, we're here." Zōsui said, and a grin broke out on his face, "First come, first serve."
Once he hung up, he shut the door, leaving me alone in the room with time to look around. It was bland, with beige walls and a simple overhead lamp that barely provided light. Something about it felt off, but before I could spend any more time reflecting on it, I heard a doorbell ring and the sound of many voices as the front door creaked open.
Multiple people had entered the house, and they all seemed to be coming up the stairs, judging by the way their voices drew nearer and their footsteps came closer. When the door to the room finally swung open, in stepped twelve men with masks over the top half of their face. Zōsui was the last to enter, and he came in with six *Sagami boxes.
"Alright gentlemen, you know the rules." Zōsui said as he set the boxes down on the floor, "Anything goes except for raw penetration. Wrap it tight before you stick it in out of sight."
"Is that just for the front or the back too?" One of the men chuckled, and the whole group howled.
Zōsui shut his eyes and thought for a moment, "Both holes. I mean it, if she gets pregnant, I'm blackmailing all of you."
Again, the group laughed and some of them set their eyes on me while chuckling.
"Well, don't let me stop you." Zōsui clapped his hands, stepping back and reaching for the doorknob, "You've got six boxes, the room's completely soundproof…I'll be downstairs if you need me."
And with that, he shut the door.
I wasn't immediately attacked once that door closed, as it took the men a few minutes to work up the courage to approach me, but once one initiated it, they all fell into line. I was stripped in a matter of seconds, and they began to have their way with me.
Without a clock or a watch or so much as a candle, I couldn't really tell you how long I spent in that room. All I know is that my voice gave out after the fourth guy, and by the sixth, I wasn't in any pain. I didn't really feel anything until they ventured to penetrate me anally. The newfound friction as they tore into me renewed my voice, but I was quickly silenced as they found other uses for my mouth.
Sometime during all this, I shut down, or as a therapist would say, I disassociated. Things were still happening, were still being done to me, but I just…couldn't bring myself to care anymore. It felt like I was floating for a long time, and I only came back down to Earth when I felt someone rapidly slap my cheek.
"Oi, Karin." Zōsui was kneeling in front of me, shaking me roughly, "Karin, do you hear me?"
His voice became less muffled as I blinked, and I sat up, eyeing him peculiarly.
"Your skills checked out." He smirked as he gave me a thumbs up, "Everyone gave you a five-star rating."
*Sagami is a popular condom brand in Japan, and their boxes hold five condoms
TW: Mentions of Suicide/Attempted Suicide
After that incident, I never froze with a client again. Two years filled with clientele went by and Zōsui never heard a complaint. No matter how strange or how painful the request, I came before them with the proper customs, engaged them in a bit of light conversation, and tuned out once they started.
I wasn't able to fully shut down like I had that day, but I'd practiced enough to the point that I could give them what they needed without losing my sanity. Or maybe I had lost my sanity, and this was my way of coping. Either way, I had to be doing something right, as I soon became the most requested *yujo at Shiawase. Zōsui commended me for this on the nights he came to visit me, which quickly became every night.
"You really are just like your mother, you know that?" Zōsui breathed into my ear as he rolled his hips, "They can't get enough of you, and I see why."
I grabbed his forearms as a particular thrust hit me a little roughly, and felt a smile come to my face, "You do? Well, I hope you'll take good care of me."
Zōsui grinned, "Of course. Anytime you want me, just say the word."
I forced myself to clench around him and within a few seconds he was coming. With a groan, he collapsed on top of me and for a few moments we laid partially intertwined before he finally pulled himself up and away from me.
"And when you do things like that," He grabbed my face and kissed my cheek before straightening up, "You'll make a man spend his last dime to be with you."
I kept quiet and held the same smile on my face as he dressed himself. Once he was done, he waved to me before leaving my room, and I remained on the bed for quite a while. When I finally sat up, I went over to my closet and wiped myself down with my towel before wearing a simple yellow nightgown.
Reaching up, I searched around the top shelf until I felt the bundle of rope I had bought and stored a few weeks back. I brought it down before heading over to my nightstand and opening the first drawer. I stared at the sealed letter I had written earlier in the day and wondered what the best place for it would be.
After deciding on my pillow, I tucked the rope under my arm and grabbed a stool before making my way outside.
There was a big Sakura tree on the grounds that came with the manor, and I had loved standing beneath it and watching it blossom as springtime came around. I hadn't been able to do that in years, with one thing or another always coming up and effectively cutting off my chances. It only seemed fitting that my life would come to an end in one of the spots that had brought me the most happiness.
I tossed the rope over the tallest branch I could see and made sure the knot was secure before slipping the noose over my head and tightening it around my neck. With a deep breath, I kicked the stool out from under my feet and felt the rope dig into my skin as I was strangled.
Within seconds, my vision began to darken, and the last thing I remembered was an icy feeling racing down my arms to the tips of my fingers as I lost consciousness.
When I came to, the first thing I saw was a blinding light, and I wondered if I had *skipped the judgment of the ten kings and been sent straight to heaven. As my eyelids fluttered open and Michiko came into view, I realized that I hadn't been so lucky. I sat up as my vision cleared, and she quickly threw her arms around me, wrapping me up in an airtight hug.
"Oh Kami…" Michiko cried into my shoulder, shaking her head, "The doctors said that if we had found you a second later…"
I listened half attentively as Michiko described how she and Jun had found my letter before rushing out to the fields to search for me. To be honest, I couldn't believe that I had such terrible luck. I had planned out everything, I had chosen the perfect night, so why had I still failed?
"Karin?" She called my name as she rubbed my shoulder, "Say something."
And as fed up and as tired as I was, I found myself wondering if this was a sign that my life had a purpose, that someone like me could still be useful to the world without living in so much pain. But I was too weak to convince myself, so I turned to Michiko for confirmation.
"Michi…" I looked at her as my eyes welled up with tears, "Do I have the right to live?"
She grabbed my hand and pressed it to her lips before quickly shaking her head, "You do. You have that and so much more, Karin. You're strong, and I—I'm so sorry that we let you go through so much for this long, but it's over now. Everything's over."
There was something about her voice, about how resigned she sounded that made me look at her twice, but before I could ask her what she meant, a uniformed Kusagakure police officer knocked on the door as he stepped into the room.
"Are you Hanagaki Michiko?" He directed this question at her, and she nodded her head.
He came over to her and lifted her to her feet before putting her hands behind her back and snapping cuffs on them, "Then you're under arrest for suspicion of murder and arson in the first degree."
She was escorted away before my mind could process what was happening, but before she left the room, she threw one last smile over her shoulder and said, "I love you."
After she left, I sat in my hospital bed for what felt like forever, and wouldn't have moved if it weren't for the tapping I heard at my window.
I looked around to make sure I wasn't hallucinating, and when the taps came again, I swung my legs to the side of the bed and stood up. I barely had the strength to stay standing, let alone walk, but I forced myself to the window nonetheless and slid it open. Before me stood the man I thought I would never see again: Jun.
There were bits of dried blood on the side of his face, and clear evidence of it on his clothes, but I didn't mind any of that as we hugged through the window. As I inhaled his scent, I couldn't help but note that he smelled like rust and smoke.
"Where's Michi?" He questioned as he looked behind me, and I cleared my throat.
"The cops got her."
Jun nodded solemnly before digging into his pocket and bringing out his wallet, "Then that means I have to go. Take this."
"Only use it when you need to, okay?" He pressed a black metallic card into my hand before kissing my cheek, "It's for emergencies."
I nodded to show him that I understood but kept held a firm grip on his hand as he backed away, "What did you guys do? And here are you going?"
Jun patted my head, "We…took care of things. Now I'm gonna try and get Michi and we're gonna get out of here."
"T-Take me with you." I stopped him from leaving again, "I don't want to be alone…"
He came closer to the window and hugged me again, this time resting his chin on my head for a moment before he spoke again, "You're strong, Karin."
"No." I shook my head, denying his claim, "Everyone's always tells me that, but I'm not."
"Yes, you are." He countered, assuring me of my fortitude, "When I read your letter and I learned about everything you endured, everything Zōsui did to you…I knew you were a million times stronger than any of us. That's why I want you to keep living."
I shut my eyes against his chest, "Not by myself…"
"We'll come find you." Jun promised me, "I'll get Michi, and we'll be on the run for a little bit, but we will come to you. Can you hold out until then?"
After a bit of hesitation, I nodded, and Jun released me with a grin, "Good. I love you, Karin."
That was the last thing I ever heard from him. I think part of me knew that his promise to come find me was a lie, but I had foolishly allowed him to go in hopes that he would really try to fulfill it.
Unfortunately, Jun and Michiko were charged with killing Zōsui and burning down Shiawase, and since Zōsui's connections spanned far beyond the prostitution business, the two were swiftly convicted and given the death penalty.
I hadn't been in the hospital for more than a week when I heard the news, and with the confirmation that I was now on my own, I contemplated killing myself again. After all, now there would be no one to rescue me or interrupt the process. With any luck, I would be seeing Jun and Michiko real soon, but as appealing as it all sounded, something told me to give life a chance. Jun and Michiko hadn't given up their lives just so I could end mine, and this recognition drove me to at least try.
After another week in the hospital, I was allowed to leave once they concluded that I was in tiptop physical shape, and although the doctors urged me to stay and begin my mental rehabilitation, I told them that there was no needed.
At the reception, I borrowed someone's phone and searched up: "Kirigakure Zabuza Haku." Multiple articles popped up, ranging from the duo allegedly murdering a bridge builder to Zabuza being wanted by the police. Nothing that popped up was particularly good but seeing as how most of the features were somewhat recent, I figured the two had to still be in the area.
With the clothes on my back, a black card that made my taxi driver do a double take, and a mind disturbed beyond your wildest dreams, I set out for Kirigakure.
*Yujo is a term for prostitute in Japanese
*In Japanese Buddhism, the 10 Kings judge your life and decided which of the six realms a person goes to in the afterlife
A/N: I really relate to Karin for personal reasons that I'm not going to get into. Although my story makes her background a bit more "edgy" in the show/manga she was literally used as a slave by the adults in her village as soon as her mother passed away. Also, I never really got over the fact that she had random strangers biting her all over her body when she was a little girl.
Karin's been through a lot, and I hate how she was never depicted as a strong female character but moreso another love interest for Sasuke. I think she could've been a real badass had they fleshed her out and gave her better motivations. Ah well, I'm not the creator of Naruto.
Also, I think it's safe to say that I've screwed up my chapter numbers.