To the guest named Miki, Yes Tris still does. I try to stick close to the book as I can. Of course there are some things I will change, but I want to stay as close to the books as humanly possible and as long as Andy will let me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent.
Chapter 13: Hard Times.
I didn't sleep last night. Not after waking up from that nightmare. I don't want to know what was going to come back to memory. I shake my head and walk with Tris and Al to the testing hall we were at yesterday. I don't want to see Bass. I'm not sure how he is going to be like. We are silent as Christina and Will join us. I don't want to do this. But Bass told me I had to wait for his move. I really don't want to be factionless without him. We get to the hallway and there isn't talking from the initiates today. I sit next to Uriah and the others sit around us. I'm tired, really tired. Everyone else seems tired too. So I just lay my head on the wall and stare at the ceiling. My head is swimming with pieces of that night. That is one of the last things I want to remember. Then I feel Uriah's head on my shoulder and I look over at him. He yawns. Turning and looking at him, I raise an eyebrow as I see the snake tattoo very well now.
"You feel asleep on me yesterday, it only seems fair." He protests.
"I didn't start off that way, Uriah. And you know it." I push my shoulder up and he jerks his head up. "You just want to touch my hair." I add quieter so only he can hear.
"Did not." Uriah says with a laugh and a yawn mix.
"Yes you did." I pull my pony tail to the other side so he can't get it. I felt lazy today. "I don't like people touching my hair and you know it." I brush my fingers through my hair as I hear some chuckles, but not much. The door opens. Bass looks back to normal, but I still don't feel safe. Without thinking, I move closer to Uriah, to the point my hip is touching his.
"Lynn." Four calls out and the blade girl stands up and walks in after him. I don't remember a blade girl at the choosing ceremony. Oh well. Uriah looks at me and wraps his arm around my shoulder and whisper into my ear.
"You okay?" I shake my head no and he holds me. It's kind of awkward sitting here in complete silence. So I start tapping my hand on my knee just to do something. My head won't stop thinking about how my father knocked mom out and hit Bass one time and he was out. One by one, people are called.
"So, how are you Uriah?" Christina speaks up. He nods his head.
"Good." he says. "You?"
"I'm good. This wait is driving me crazy. Yesterday was fun. After Tris, Andy and I got new tattoos, Al picked me up and carried me around that pit. It was the funniest thing." She laughs. Uriah looks at me and smiles a little bit.
"You got a new tattoo." I hold up my right wrist and glare at Christina. She just shrugs her shoulders. "Nice."
"Then Four came over drunk as hell and started to talk with Tris and Andy as if they were the only people in the world." She continues and I remember my father walking in and I was right there cleaning the kitchen and getting ready to make dinner. "It was kind of weird. He was talk to Tris about her tattoos and trying to get Andy to drink with him." I slap her foot. My brain remembers the smell of him pouring some of his drink on me and then yelling at me for making him spill. "Funniest thing is that she took the bottle from him and was trying to figure.." I can't take it.
"Christina!" I snap the loudest I have been for a while. Everyone looks at me. "Don't talk about him when he isn't here." I correct her and she just stares at me. I never snapped at her, at least I don't remember. "It's not right, especially talking about him in a time of indecency." She shuts her mouth. Christina should know how I feel about alcohol and should have remembered me telling her that yesterday was bad for me. I even had a nightmare from it.
"What got into you, Andy?" She asks me like I offended her. I'm confused. Did Christina really forget already? My night mare last night has messed me up. Some things I know didn't happen, like Bass taking the belt from him comes up like a memory. It never happened. My father hit him once in the temple and he was out.
"It's been a long day already for all of us." Uriah pulls me closer to him as he speaks up for me. I didn't have my brother that night to hold me and take care of me.
"Did you forget already?" I ask her in a quiet voice. "Christina. You got to be kidding me." I remove Uriah's arm from around me and stand up. "He won't call me until to second last." I mumble as I walk down the black hallway, past everyone. I don't understand. I only talk to her so that someone understands. I turn the corner and there are no more doors. Just a long, dark hallway. I get just far enough to where it turns and I sink into the corner and hug my knees. I don't get her. Tears form in my eyes. It's not right to talk about someone like that. Why do people think its fine to do that? I shut my eyes and regret it right away. I see Bass standing next to my father with belts in their hands.
"Andy." I open my eyes and curl tighter into a ball as I hear his footsteps.
"Leave me alone, Uriah." I call out in a strained voice. He doesn't turn away, his steps get closer. If I remain quiet, you won't hear me and walk past me. The steps get closer and closer and it's hard to hold in a choke from crying. I sniffle quietly and the steps stop in front of me. This is like when my father came to the door of the dark closet. God, stop brain.
"Andy, I been here longer than you." He laughs. "I can see in this hallway." He says as he sits down next to me.
"Crap, you only heard me because I can't control my nose." I mumble.
"No, I saw you." He says through a smirk. I can't see him smirking. The tone in his voice changes slightly. "You're not hard to miss."
"Tell me about it." I roll my eyes. One thing my father always called me was fat.
"Not what I mean, and you know it." Uriah sound serious. That's rare.
"Whatever." I rest my head on the cold wall.
"What's going on with you?" He asks as he moves around. I hear his shoes moving along the ground.
"Nothing." I tell him quickly.
"You snapped at one of your best friends. All she was trying to do was tell a story to break the silence." Uriah says. "So what's going on?" I bite my lip. I can't really tell him.
"Four drunk yesterday reminded me of something from my past and I had a nightmare from it." I tell him quietly. "She and I went for a walk last night and I explained it to her." my voice quivers because of the tears running down my face. "She knew I am having problems with it and she had to bring it up. That's why I tensed up when I saw Four." Uriah doesn't speak for a moment.
"Sorry about that." He says. "Some people tend to drink here, so if you need anywhere to go to get away from it you can find me."
"Thanks Uriah. But I don't think I can find you every little time. I will be fine. It just troubled me that Four was drunk and was trying to get me drunk too." I tell him. "I will be fine if it was anyone else…. Other than you. That will creep me out." He laughs.
"I don't plan on it without you joining me." He tells me with a laugh. "And Four, I'm sure he wouldn't do anything to you."I shake my head.
"It's not really what he will do, It's more what I will do. I don't have control right now as it is." I inform him. "I'm worried I might go after Peter."
"Are you sure you would do that?"Uriah asks me. "Not all people get angry when they are drunk." He is trying to assure me.
"I seen what it can do to people in my family and it's not pretty." I tell him without thinking. Crap. I bury my head in my hands. "Crap." I feel a hand on my back and he starts to rub it.
"Your fine, Andy. It's only me here." he whispers to me. "You can tell me anything and I won't tell anyone."
"That's the problem. I don't think I want you knowing. Only Christina knows." My voice is quiet again and I cry.
"Then you need to make up with her soon so you can talk to her again." He tells me, again in his serious voice.
"Uriah, Your being serious." I gasp quietly. Joking is the best way to have me get over things.
"You know what, I think I am." He laughs back. "I don't think I ever been serious in my life, Andy, what are you doing to me?" Uriah and I both laugh.
"I'm doing nothing and you know it." I laugh out. "It's all you, kid." We laugh hard.
"Andy, you're pretty cool." He punches my shoulder. I grab it and fake rubbing it.
"Ouch, Uriah." I punch him harder in his shoulder.
"Hey, I didn't punch you that hard." He says as I start to see his form. Uriah is rubbing his shoulder.
"You still punched me." I say a little snotty. "It's your fault." We laugh harder and my stomach hurts.
"But I'm weak, Andy. I can't take you hitting me." He jokes back in mist of his laughing. I like his laugh, it makes me laugh.
"Uriah, you're the Dauntless born. Your practical made of stone. My hand still hurts from hitting your shoulder." It doesn't but it's still funny to say.
"Sure. Whatever." I punch his shoulder again. "Hey." He hits me back.
"Dude!" I punch him back and he moves his shoulder back onto the wall and I fall forward. I land in his lap. Not good to punch someone when I'm sitting right next to him and I put too much into the swing to hit harder than he did.
"Andy, get off of my lap." He laughs harder as I lift my head up and laugh more. "You're not like that." I sit back up and smack him in the chest. That stops the laughing.
"How do you know?" I ask him as he chokes on a laugh.
"You don't even know what I was talking about." He coughs on some spit.
"No." I shake my head. "Not really. So how would you know?" He pats my back as he gains control over his breathing again.
"Trust me, you're not." Uriah says with a smile. "That's what I like about you." What? I stop laughing and choke on my spit. What did he just say? He pats my back a little harder. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Just didn't expect that to come out just yet." I tell him truthfully. "I wasn't ready for it."
"Sorry." His voice gets really quiet. Crap. I turn to the side and feel my face heat up.
"No, Uriah. No, it's fine. I just…am Stiff a little bit." I tell him with a sigh. "I don't know how to react appropriately to something like that. I was hoping to get a little more time." I stutter out the explanation.
"You knew?" He asks. I bite my lip.
"I kind of did. Kind of didn't. People kept asking me if we were…Dating." I cough out the last part.
"What's bad with that?" I look at him as if he just asked to simplest question.
"I'm a stiff. I don't know anything about relationships." I tell him. "I didn't really have to best example of an Abnegation relationship. My mother…" I stop talking.
"Oh, I'm sorry." He says. "I shouldn't have said it until you were ready." Uriah seems upset.
"NO, don't be upset. I would never be ready unless someone throws me into it." I tell him. "So this is a good thing, I guess." He looks at me for a moment.
"So, do you like me?" He asks. I bite my lip again.
"I don't know what you're asking Uriah." I tell him truthfully. "I never liked someone like that before so I don't know how it feels like." His head doesn't move. "My brother keeps teasing me about it though. So maybe." I see a faint smirk on his face.
"When I am going to meet this brother of yours?" He asks. Changing to subject. Thank God. That was awkward.
"Don't know if you already know him or not. So I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "So you tell me. Have you met him yet?"
"Andy, how would I know that?" He laughs.
"I don't know. You're so much smarter and braver than me. You'll figure it out." I tell him as I turn away from him.
"Flattery will only get you to places your unsure of going to." He whispers into my ear and I feel a shiver going down my spine.
"Who says I was trying to flatter you? You have too big of an ego as it is. I should bring you back down to earth." I joke with him and I reach one of my hands around and to his forehead. I push it back and he laughs.
"You already do." Uriah says in a truthful voice as he leans back on the wall and sighs. "You like me." he suddenly says.
"I do not." I can't help but blush. Good thing he can't see it.
"Yes you do. I can tell these things. Andy, I'm an expert." He smirks again.
"An expert of what? You're only a sixteen year old boy and only good at making people laugh and fighting." I scoff.
"Ouch, that hurt me right here." He jokes as he holds his chest.
"Good, maybe you learn some modesty." I laugh when he does.
"Modesty? What is this modesty you speak of?" he says in a funny voice. "In Dauntless, we don't car of such thing."
"Uriah." I shake my head. "You're weird."
"I will take that as you admitting you like me." He scoffs.
"Weird and Saying I like you are too different things, Uriah. You need to get your head checked out." I tell him.
"You said it. You said you like me." He turns and smirks at me and I roll my eyes. "You know it wouldn't be so bad to like me." Uriah says as he leans his head back on the wall. "It's alright. I like you too."
"Shut up, Uriah." I look to the floor and bite my lip and get really quiet. "I'm not ready to say it to you, yet."
"That's fine." He says calmly. "I will be right here."
"Uriah!" I hear a loud booming voice. Four.
"Looks like you have to go." I smirk as he gets up.
"Andy, Get back here!" He booms out again. Crap.
"You too." Uriah laughs. I stand up and elbow him in the stomach. "Ouch." I laugh.
"NOW!" Crap. Bass isn't happy. I run down the hallway the way I came. I'm faster than Uriah. So I get there faster. Bass is standing in the door way with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Sorry, time flew by fast." I tell him and he doesn't budge. "What? I walked off so I didn't punch Christina in the face about talking about yesterday and Uriah followed because I stupidly walk into the dark hallway." I defend myself as Uriah comes around. "I would have freaked out if he didn't show up." Bass looks at a confused looking Uriah and then rolls his eyes and walk into the room with him in tow.
"So?" I turn and see Marlene. I shake my head and sit down. "What happen?"
"Nothing much." I tell her.
"Tell me. He's my best friend. You got to tell me what he said." She pleads like a little girl. I shake my head and laugh.
"I told him I couldn't tell him just yet. I'm a stiff at heart so it's going to take a little bit for me to get the courage up." I confess to her. She is like talking to a little child. It's hard not to tell her something. Especially with a face and personality like hers.
"You're not a stiff." She says with a little laugh. "Yeah, you act like one sometimes, but you're not one. You're dauntless." Marlene leans over to me and touches my hair. I don't move.
"What are you doing?"I ask her. Marlene just laughs and pulls my hair out of the pony tail.
"No more buns. He likes your hair down." She tells me. "It frames your face beautifully." Marlene smiles as she brushes my hair to the sides of my face. "There."
"I don't think I should keep it down." I state as I try to get the hair tie from her. She shoves it in her pocket before I get a chance.
"No, you're dauntless. No more hiding yourself from us. We're your friends." I press my lips together. I'm not going to tell them anything of my past or the reason I have to keep it up. "What's wrong?"I shake my head and some of my hair goes in my face.
"This is why I need that hair tie. Give it back." I hold my and fix my hair with the other.
"You'll be fine. So you do like Uriah." She says with a giggle.
"Can we not talk about him? I would rather talk about fears than him." I deadpan.
"But you need to go out with him. You're so cute around him and you actually talk when he is around. I heard how quiet you can get and you seem to come alive around him." Marlene says. That's because he reminds me of Bass, before he came here. With a hint of Uriah in it. I'm starting to feel safe with him.
"It's because he reminds me of my brother before he left." I tell her quietly. "He doesn't judge my weird behavior." She laughs and waves her hand at me.
"We all are weird. So you fit in just fine." I look at her. She seems so childish and so young. Is Marlene a really smart young girl or is she just young at heart? She seems so trusting because of her bubbly personality.
"Thanks. I guess I needed a place to fit in." I smile weakly and she looks at me and stops laughing.
"That needs to be a bigger smile." What? She smiles brightly herself. "Like this. That's the only way to smile, Andy." I can't help but laugh. She is so sweet.
"Andy." I turn and see Bass in the door frame. I stop laughing and pale a little bit. I slowly get up. Is he still drunk? I walk past him silently and he shuts the door. Without him telling me, I walk to the chair and sit down. "What's…"
"Uriah came after I blew up at Christina." I cut him off quickly without looking at him. I can feel him staring at me. "She was making fun of you for being…" I stop short.
"Ann, what are you going on about?" He asks like yesterday never happened. I don't talk, I'm really tired. Yelling at Christina, Laughing with Uriah and Marlene drained what little energy I had left. I can't look at him. My heart is beating fast as it is.
"I had another nightmare." I stutter out quietly. "Please don't let me around you when you drink." I whisper as I bring my knees to my chest.
"Nightmare, Ann?" he asks.
"I blocked out so much from when mom was with us and seeing you drunk brought memories back." I inform him in a quieter whisper. My arms tighten around my legs. I don't want to talk more.
"Oh…" Bass says after a minute. "I… don't really remember that night." I shake my head.
"It started out with him beating me with the belt, then somehow you grabbed it and we were in the pit with everyone watching and you started to…" I can't finish. My body is too tired and my heart is beating way too fast.
"I'm not like him." Bass says firmly. "Nothing like him." His tone is defensive.
"That doesn't matter. My mind still freaked out because of it. I know you're nothing like him."I plead with him. Right now, I'm afraid of him. "You weren't acting like the Bass I grew to know here. You were even flirting with Tris. It was bad and my mind freaked out." I go on.
"What did I say?" I shrug my shoulders.
"I don't know but you noticed her birds on her collar bone. You seem to be looking her up and down, then you leaned in and whispered something to her." I tell him. "It was creepy. You even tried to get her and I to drink with your friends." I shake my head and turn away from him. "Now Christina is trying to make things worse by bring it up, which brings up more of that night. I really want to block that night again." I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Ann. Your fine. It will be alright." I hear him but I don't believe him.
"Just get this over with." I snap at him. The hand doesn't leave, but I can tell he is confused. "I'm not having a good day, mentally."
"You need to be calm going under." Bass says quietly. "I'm sorry you had a long night. But none of its true." I don't move. "Ann, you need to learn to calm down."
"I know how to calm down." I snap again. Third time today. Still the hand doesn't move. "Just give me some time." I shut my eyes and start breathing. The picture of Bass and my father comes to mind, but I have to remind myself its fake. I feel something tilt my head back and then the needle goes in. Guess I'm calm enough. "Can you get me out if it gets too bad?" I ask him as I open my eyes and look at.
"I can try. But I'm not sure what will happen for having to pull you out. You might become factionless." I nod and his tired looking face.
"Oh, so I need to try and calm down." he nods.
"That's the whole point of the exercise, Ann." Bass says as he throws the needle away. I lay my legs back down and practice my breathing. I should get over the thought of him turning into my father.
"I'm sorry for snapping. I don't know what's going on with me." I tell as my eyes shut and I go under.
000
The first thing I notice is the smell of smoke. I open my eyes and I'm in a middle of a field. A burning field. I stand up quickly and look around. It's coming fast, so I run the other direction and fast as I can. Fire? I don't want to be burned. The smoke fills my lungs every time I breath, but I must breath. I can't just stop. I would die. The heat of the fast approaching fire gets hotter and hotter. Crap. I feel my eyes start to water from the smoke in the air. I have to shut my eyes and run. This can't be happening. The heat moves over to in front of me and I stop and cough. My eyes open and I see that I'm inches from fire. I step back and I feel my bare foot graze the top of the fire.
"Hell!" I shout out as I step my burned foot on the dry grass. The only part that isn't burning around me is about a foot around. I am going to die. Please God, I don't want to die in a burning field. I dance as much as I can to avoid getting burned as much as I can. "Damn it!" Fire starts to lick my ankles. "God damn it. This isn't a way to go." I start hoping. I probably look stupid. There are trees to the left of about twenty feet and a very narrow path. Only wide enough for my feet. "God Damn it!" I start running as the smoke induced tears blind me. My feet are literally burning. The wind starts to pick up and at I see is a wall of fire as I try my best to run. It's coming to me. "What the hell?" I cry out between the pain of the close heat and confusing wall of fire. I blink tears away.
Quickly, it starts to turn like water going down the drain, but there is no drain. Tornado. It uses a fire as its fuel as it comes towards me. I turn and run back. It gets so close that it burns the untied back hair that flies behind me and is being pulled to the fire tornado. Do things like this really happen? I let out a scream. And loud deafening scream. I grab my hair and pat the fire out of it, as I get burned more. "What the hell!"I reach the end of the path, back to the center and I am breathing hard. The heat of the fire makes me sweat badly. I rest my hands on my knees and I look around. The fire tornado is five feet behind me and gaining. Between the sweat and the crying and smoke, I can't see a thing. The fire around me starts to grow higher and higher. How am I supposed to get calm during this? I'm going to die here. I am going to die in a bath of fire. The normal fire reaches my shoulders and I feel the air start being suck from me. Fire takes the oxygen from the air. I cough and try and breathe. I was wrong, the fire is trying to suffocate me and then it will burn my burning body. "Great."
I shut my eyes and kneel on the ground before me and cough. The air is leaving fast and my head is starting to notice it. I'm getting really dizzy. Why am I not getting burned? I'm kneeling on the ground that is only wide enough for my feet. I open my eyes and I see a little bit of the fire moved so I can kneel. Will it allow me to lie down and die? It would take less energy. I shake my head. "I don't want to die." I cough again and again. I ran out of air. My mouth is completely dry now and I am gasping. My hands rest on the ground and I hang my head. Come on breath and calm down. If I pass out will my heart rate go down? My head is really heavy and I can't stop myself from swaying back and forth. The pumping of my blood begins to slow down as I make short smooth gasps of air. "I don't want to die." I breathe out in two short deaths. "It's way too hot and there isn't any air left." I lift my head up and stare at the wall of fire. I need to get out of here. I rest the top of my head on the ground and I can't breathe or move. My body is giving up on me. I can feel it. Inch by inch, my legs are giving out on me. I land on my left hip hard and I let out a strangled scream. How can I calm down from this? I stare into the fire as my start to go fussy. My whole body aches. Is this what I image death would be like? All the oxygen being sucked from me. My eyes shut. I'm too tired to move. Can I die in things like this? Has there ever been someone that died in their mind before. I'm lying on the ground gasping for my last breath, that I am not being granted, in a space only big enough for my knees.
Wait… I'm a big girl. I can't fit on the ground like that. My eyes open and I see the fire moved back a little bit. If I'm not burning here, maybe I can move the fire. Slowly I move my hand I reach it out to the fire as I cough over and over again. My hand touches the fire and it burns like any other hot surface I touched in the past. A scream erupts from my lips as I push it through the wall. I can pretty much feel the layers burn as my wrist moves into the fire wall. The fire isn't real; I have to be able to control it. I slid my hand farther into the fire as I force my body to my knee. It hurts like hell. I set my hand down in the fire and I start to move my head to the wall of fire. I stop mere inches. Should I even try? Should I just let myself die mentally? I slowly push head into the fire. The pain. Oh God, the pain. It's a hundred times worse than the frying pan. I scream as I inch my head into the fire.
"Move." I scream out. I can't even understand it as I feel my heart beat. I shut my eyes and push myself into the fire. The pain is… I can't even explain it. It's… like nothing. My body starts to shake as I push myself off the ground and I stumble into the fire. Then I feel nothing, hear nothing.
000
"Ann." I hear. "Ann!" someone distance yells. My shoulder moves. "Ann, Oh my God." I move my hand over to him and grab his collar.
"Don't yell in my ear, Bass." I slowly open my eyes and let go of his collar. "I have a splitting head ache." I complain as I sit up and look at my brother. He looks lost and confused. Like really confused. I hold my head in one of my hands. "What's wrong with you? You didn't die in a field on fire."
"I didn't, but I also didn't get up and push myself into the fire and burn myself." Bass deadpans.
"I didn't do that." I protest quietly as I start to rub my forehead. "God, it hurts."
"Why did you burn yourself?" He asks. I look up at him and I'm glad that it's dark in here. I have a spitting head ache.
"I didn't. The fire moved for me when I needed it too. So I was trying to will it to move." I tell him as I close my eyes.
"But you killed yourself, Ann." He says.
"Well, I am afraid of death." I deadpan. "God." Its right behind my eyes and it is pounding and feels like my brain is squeezing itself. "My head."
"So you faced it head on." His voice drops. Then he laughs slowly. "See Ann, you're smarter than you think. If you would have moved the fire I would have to delete it. Now I can just warn them that you kill yourself." I open my eyes and look at him. I'm confused. He seems normal.
"What?" I ask. He is happy I killed myself.
"You either calm down or face your fear to get out. Ann, you killed yourself." I rest my head back on the table and cover my eyes with my hand.
"Now why is my head feel like it's going to explode?" I ask him a little sharply.
"You have a migraine from the simulation and lack of sleep, you did kill yourself after all. Go sleep or go get some meds." Bass tells me as he offers me his hand. "I don't have to show you the way out. Now go."I sit up reluctantly and walk to the door.
"See you later, Bass." I mumble before opening the door and walking out.
000
"It's very simple." Uriah says as I sit, almost in his lap.
"How is this simple?" Tris asks as she holds up her hand of cards. "I don't see the point of this."
"You try to get a flush, straight and stuff." Marlene shows Tris her hand. "This is a full house." I'm not really paying attention. I'm still trying to tell myself that these people don't hate me. My migraine has gotten worse during the last two days because I can't sleep. No one can, really. Al has been screaming and I have been taking him out for walks to try an ease his mind. The things he told me… it's bad. Between burning myself to death, the loud noises in the pit, and today's horror with the bugs. I shiver. I can't stand bugs now. All of them crawling around me and biting me. I can't handle it. I haven't really talked since I killed myself. One or two words here and there, but nothing really. Uriah doesn't even know why I'm laying on him, but he can tell I need it.
"Now I know what you have Mar." Uriah smirks. I look at his hand. I see a five, four, three, two and an A.
"What does this mean?" I ask him in a quiet voice. "Isn't a straight?" He looks down and me and groan as Marlene laughs.
"That's a straight flush, Andy." He sighs. "If it's all the same color, it's a flush as well as a straight."
"Oh." Uriah pats my leg that is right next to his as I look at Marlene and Tris. They seem a little happy to hear my voice again.
"It's fine." He says with a smile. "You want to play?" I shake my head and remain silent. I'm not ready to come out of my world. "Come on, it will be fun." I don't answer him as I stare at his straight flush. "Anyway, you know what the other's look like; you want to try it for real?" He asks Tris. This is normal for them the last few days. I say something and then not talk and they just continue on.
"Sure." At least they are letting me be around them. I watch silently as they teach Tris to play this card game. I eat a little bit of my dinner as I watch, but I don't do much of anything else. Just lay on his shoulder as they play. They play just for an hour or so and Tris gets tired and wants to try to sleep. "What to come?"
"I'm fine." Sitting next to Uriah, calms me. "I can't sleep anyway."
"You need to sleep." Marlene says with a soft smile. "It helps your body." I shake my head.
"You guys don't want me to sleep." I look at Tris. "I will be worse than Al." Tris doesn't try again.
"See you tomorrow." She says before leaving me with the two dauntless born initiates.
"Let's go for a walk." Uriah says as he pats my shoulder. I sit up and let him stand up. "Come on." He holds a hand out to me.
"Can Marlene come?" I ask him quietly. Uriah looks at her.
"If she isn't planning to do anything else." Marlene laughs.
"Of course I will join you on your walk." She says with a smile and I grab Uriah's hand.
"Thank you." I whisper to him as I stand up. Uriah smiles and he pulls me right next to him and wraps his arm around me and we walk. Uriah leads us into a hallway that no ones in.
"Andy, I'm really worried about you." Marlene says as she skips in front of us and walks backwards so she can see me. "You are not letting your poor little body sleep or eat." Her voice is soft and full of kindness. "Is there anything Uriah and I can help you with?"
"Convince my brother into letting me drop from initiation." I deadpan. We stop walking and Marlene's mouth drops.
"What?" She is loud and I wince. "You can't do that. Andy, your family." I cover my ears.
"Mar. Calm down." Uriah tells her calmly. "Let Andy explain." The girl in front of me shuts her mouth and looks at me. "Go on, explain." He tells me as he looks down at me. Uriah has his soft smile on. I turn and look at Marlene.
"I can't handle it. I already killed myself." I mumble quietly.
"What?" Uriah says.
"I couldn't calm myself down, so I crawled into a five and a half foot wall of fire." Uriah looks at Marlene and stiffens. Did I say something bad?
"Oh, sweetheart." She takes me from Uriah's arms and holds me. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. You only have two more days left. Tomorrow and then the Fearscape." She says as she holds me tightly. At least I know she doesn't hate me. I glance back at Uriah and he seems calmer. "You will be okay." She assures me. I don't like her holding me this tight.
"Marlene, you're hurting me." I breathe out. She lets me go and laughs.
"Sorry. I get carried away." Marlene tells me. "What else? You know, it helps talking it out." I shake my head and look at the ground.
"Hospitals and bugs." Another shiver goes down my spine. I don't think I can talk about the rest. "But those two things go hand in hand." I think the loud noise from my father's yelling and the sound of the belt. That's what I fear more than the actual pain that follows.
"How?" She asks. I try to look at anything other than them.
"I'm allergic to bug bites." I say quietly. "Let's just say, I didn't have a good experience with hospitals."
"Poor little girl." She holds me again, gently this time. "I would have never guessed."
"Did you go through the marsh during capture the flag?" Uriah asks.
"Yeah, but Four got me to the hospital before anything happened." I explain to him and he nods. "The one today was… rejection." I stutter out the last part. Even Uriah laughs at this.
"We will never leave you." He says with a hint of a smile.
"Not you that I'm worried about. I have been rejected and… stuff already too much already in my life." I look him in the eye. "I know you would never reject me."