Disclaimer: I don't one Divergent
Chapter 16: Going Too Far.
"Andy, you need to watch your tongue." Bass says tells me firmly.
"No, I can't stand that jerk. You know how hard it is not to kill him. So give me a break. Just because you love her doesn't mean I don't. She's like family to me. He tried to rape my sister." I point out to him in spite. Bass knows I was awake during that comment. "I will not let him do that and you know that. But you never have been in that position. Pinned down or against something and being touched. It makes you feel like you're worthless." I go on. "I'm doing just enough so I don't end up killing him, Bass." He just looks down at me as I sit on his bed. "He is lucky to still be alive. I would have killed him if it wasn't for our promise. Could I, metaphorically, get away with murder if the reason was right?"
"You would be held on trail here and since he is a transfer, Candor would have a hit at you. You don't want to go through that right now. Your mind can't handle the truth serum right now." Bass tells me. I watch him crouch in front of me. "Did he really touch you?"
"A few times. He learned his lesson." I tell him before standing up. "I need to get back to Tris. I have a bad feeling." Bass stands up and moves out of my way. I leave him there and make my way to the dorm as fast as I can.
I open the door and stand there. Al is standing before Tris, Will, and Christina. His bruises are almost as dark as the circles under his eyes. I'm not sure if the swelling is from crying or my punches. I let him have it.
"I… please forgive me, please…" I watch as he moves his hand to touch her arm or something. I just stare there, unsure. He is still crying.
"Stay away from me." Tris says quietly. Okay, she doesn't trust him. So I will get him out of her way. "Never come near me again." Al is taken back from that. "If you do, I swear to God I will kill you." She hisses. "You coward." I walk forward and right in front of Tris. Giving Al a hard look. He is hurt.
"You and I need to talk." My voice is low. "And you will walk with me willingly and I won't drag your sorry ass with me." I tell him. "Do you hear me?" I ask him. Al doesn't look me in the eye or nod. My hand wipes out and I grab the collar of his shirt and jerk him forward. "I asked you if you heard me." He looks at me with eyes full of sorrow. "I can't hear you."
"Yes." He stammers out. I gently let go of him and pat his collar back down.
"Good." I turn and look at Tris and the others. They just stare at me. I move my gaze to the door and walk over. I hold it open for Al and he slowly and carefully walks past me. "I will be back in a little bit. Tris needs her sleep." I tell Christina and Will. It takes them a moment to snap out of it and nod. I slowly shut the door and see a frighten Al next to me with his head bowed. "Let's walk, Al." I suggests calmly and he looks at me slowly, then starts moving down our normally route. "Tell me what was going on in your head." I tell him. "I don't understand." Al doesn't speak. "Al, I don't understand what's wrong with you. You're our friend and you turned and suddenly attacked Tris. Come on, what did I miss? I know how the Fears can mess with someone. But come on." I tell him as we walk. "You need to explain it to me." nothing. "I was walking by the stage two test room and I heard your scream. Do you know how freighted I got? My final test. Do you know what it was?" I ask him with a calm voice. "It was Peter killing all of my friends. You were the second one he killed. I was in a pool of your blood. I was freaking out that Peter was killing you." I turn and face him. "So tell me why my best friend went and tried to kill my other best friend, my sister."He looks at the floor.
"I don't know why." He says. "I lost it." Al's voice is quiet. "I snapped after seeing her name. She wasn't the small girl that needed protection."
"Tris isn't a stiff, not anymore. She can protect herself, even before she came here. I only got that way because of the crap I had to deal with and I didn't want her going through. But thanks to you losing it, she did. One of you touched her." I place a finger on his chest. "Which one of you did it? Was it you? You did like her after all. You liked the weak small girl you saw." I shake my head and laugh. "You can't see at all. Tris isn't completely weak. She never was." I grab the collar of his shirt. "Look at me, Al. Who touched her?" I growl out.
"Drew." He whispers as he slowly looks up. "Drew did and was planning to…" I slam him against the wall and he stops.
"And you were going to let him." Shake my head. "And you liked her. Your sick, stupid and worthless, Al. You know that. When I lose it, I make sure I get somewhere where it's safe to let it go. There are only four people I lost my control with and lost it. You, Peter, Eric and my father. You four are the only ones I hit and was wanting to cause pain. True pain. The thing with Molly." I laugh. "That was nothing. I put her out so I didn't hurt her too bad. But you, you're the last person I ever thought I would let myself lose control. Al, I was there for you when you needed it. I don't get it. And losing it is a stupid excuse and you know it. At least be who you were raised to be and tell the truth." I let go of his shirt and walk away. "You're not worth it." I wave at him as I walk back to the dorm. I open the door to find Tris asleep and Christina and Will talking to each other. They stop when I walk in.
"How out?" I ask as I look at Tris.
"Feel asleep the moment you left." Will says quietly. I walk over to them and kneel before the bed they are sitting on. "What's going on with you?" He asks as I look at her.
"Physically, mentally and emotionally drained. This is the result."I explain as I look at him. "Al told me that Drew planned to rape her. You think I'm crazy for being this pissed." I tell him quietly. "I don't like preying on the weak. Tell me, whatever bitter thoughts you had about her yesterday, Are you regretting those thoughts right about now?" I snap. "You choose to let Peter manipulate you into believing she is doing that to you. Now, do you understand? Peter is a sick cruel kid. How you could be that cruel and turn on her?" I ask him. He doesn't say anything. I shake my head and stand up and grab my hair.
"Andy, we both regret saying and thinking of her like that." Christina speaks up. I look at her. "You don't need to be so rude."
"I'm not being rude. I'm simply asking why. Why you chose to turn away from her because she did good in something? I did well too, but you didn't do that to me. So why her, because of her size, how she is? What is it? True friends celebrate together and weep and kick the asses of those that made their friend cry later. Not get all hard and push them away. Are you a true friend or do you just care about your ranking? You both will be fine. We can prepare for this one. We can work as a team like we did for the first one." I shake my head and walk to the door. "I will be with Uriah if you need me." I walk out.
000
"Marlene, please get your hands off my face. I'm fine. Just a few bruise and cuts." I say the best as I can while the girl's hands are pawing at my face. "Come on." I groan.
"I'm just worried." She says as she looks over every inch of my face. I watch Lynn walk over to us and grab her by her shirt and pull the nice sweet girl off of me.
"She doesn't like to be touched." Lynn deadpans. "Leave her be. Plus I think Uriah was getting a little jealous." She adds with a smirk. I shake my head as Marlene smiles.
"Oh, sorry, Uri." She looks to him. He is sitting on his bed holding his gun. He looks over.
"What?" He asks. Uriah wasn't paying attention.
"Mar was touching all of your girlfriend's face." I raise an eyebrow and blush as I look at Lynn.
"Lynn, what are you talking about? Andy isn't my girlfriend. We are just friends." He laughs. "If Mar is worried about her. Let her take care of her, but I'm sure she is fine." He says as he sits up. Uriah stares at me and acts like he is thinking. "The bruise does make her look tougher. A little more dauntless." He says. "But it takes away from her looks." I blush and look to the floor. "Just be glad that my brother isn't in here. He would call you worse."
"Of course he would. At least I'm not related to him." The girls and I laugh.
"He isn't that bad." Uriah laughs a little bit as the door opens with a group of Dauntless born initiates. "Hey." He waves at them. It's late, but I don't think they care.
"Hey Andy." People greet me on their way in and to their beds. Some of them tired some of them because they have too.
"So did you really beat up Peter and Drew and that other kid?" Some guy asks me as he starts to change. I press my lips together. That is the last thing I want to talk about.
"Yes, but it's not worth talking about." I deadpan as I stand up and crawl into Uriah's bed and out of eye sight of most people. I don't want to see naked people.
"Why not?" Some else asks.
"She just doesn't." Uriah speaks up. "Andy came here because she got tired of explain it." He says as he turns and is more on the bed than anything else. I'm at the head of the bed, next to him…now. I rest my head on his shoulder.
"I should be getting back to my dorm, Uriah." I whisper to him. "Care to walk me?" I ask him with a little smirk. He stands up and I crawl out of the bed and stand up and shut my eyes. Uriah laughs as well as some of the other initiates as he pulls me by my arm out of the room. I don't care. Modesty is important to me. I would give it to others if I expect it. He grabs my hand and leads me another way that I don't know. I don't care. Uriah knows the place.
"Feeling any better?" Uriah asks.
"I don't know. I still don't understand Al's part in it." I shake my head as we walk. "Thank you in there. I'm not sure I want many people knowing." I tell him as I look at him. "I told Tris, kind of. I had to explain to her why I was right there." He nods.
"I don't care who knows. But you're not even sure if you're ready. So it's cool with me to keep it a secret until you're ready." He says. "But Lynn and Marlene know. They figured it out." I roll my eyes.
"As long as Marlene doesn't tell everyone." I tell him as we walk. "I'm not sure if she could control herself." Uriah just laughs.
"She is better at it than you think." he assures me.
"Okay, whatever you say." I laugh with him as we walk. After we turn a corner, Uriah pushes me to the wall and I'm confused. "What are you doing?" I ask him. He just smirks as he grabs my hips and kisses me. Oh, I get it.
"You're very innocent." He says as he breaks for air. "I feel like if I'm not careful, I would take that from you." Uriah says as he brushes some hair from my face.
"I don't know. I think you already corrupted me." I giggle. Uriah looks at me with a smirk and I stop. "I wasn't and you know it."
"Sure, whatever you say. Andy." He leans in and kisses me again. My stomach starts to move again to the motion of his lips. Uriah is nice and sweet about it. I'm glad. I don't think I can handle much else right now. After kissing for a while, he pulls me away from the wall and he leads me to the dorm. A group of people are gathered around, facing the pit. I feel Uriah's hand stiffen.
"What's going on?" I ask him as I look around. I see Christina and Tris towards the front.
"Um… this only happens when some…one jumped in." I don't understand right away.
"Are you saying…" I start to walk fast over to Christina and Tris, with Uriah in tow.
"Um, Andy. They are pulling his body up." Uriah tells me. "That's something you don't want to see." I ignore him as I pull him with me.
"Andy?" Christina looks at me and Uriah.
"Don't tell me that's him." I plead with her as let go of Uriah's hand and grab hers and fall on my knees to be level with her. "Please tell me that he is sleeping in the dorm and this is just them doing a normal clean up." I beg her as tears fill my eyes. I was too sharp with him. I should have known better. I look her in the eye and she can't say anything. The tears fall and she pulls me into a hug. "My God, not Al." I cry is muffled in her shoulder. "I snapped at him and I shouldn't have."
"It's not your fault." Christina whispers to me as she rests her head on me. "He was dealing with it for awhile. You couldn't have said something that wasn't eating at him." I'm glad she was from Candor. Christina tries not to lie, but I still sob. I lift my head and look at the Chasm. I see them trying to get his big body into a small bag. I can't stop the tear.
"I was pissed, I lost it with him." I shake my head. "I should have better control than that." I can't stop crying. I don't care who sees right now. "He killed himself because of me; I can't control my stupid mouth." I cry as I watch Tris get up and run. I killed someone without even trying. The others are asleep right now. So she is fine. Plus, I'm in no condition to fight anyone. Tris will be fine. I try to stand and stumble backwards into Uriah's grasp. I can't be here. I can't take my eyes from the bag they are trying to get him.
"Andy…" I hear Uriah's voice. I can't do this. Bass, I need Bass. Tris was smart. I break from Uriah's grasp and run to the hallway I need. I run as fast as I can so no one can follow. I don't even knock on the door. I open in and close it and sink to the ground.
"I screwed up. I screwed up big time." I sob as I see my brother sit up confused. "Al killed himself because I lost it with him." He gets up and crouches next to me. I lean into his hand that on my shoulder. "He couldn't tell me why he was willing for Drew to rape her and Peter to kill her. He won't tell me and I snapped at him and made him feel like crap."I choke and cough. "Now they are trying to shove his body into a bag that is too small. I killed Al. I killed Al because of my lack of control." I tell him quickly. He just sits down and listens to me and my sobs. "You were right, again. I need to learn to control my tongue. I let it run so lose for the last two years because of everything. I'm going to get people killed again."
"Did you push him into the Chasm?" he asks me after I stop talking for a minute.
"No." I whisper.
"Where were you?" Bass asks.
"With Uriah, Lynn and Marlene in their dorm." I tell him. "But I…"
"Did you push him or make him jump into the Chasm?" He cuts me off by asking another question. It's that same thing but asked in another way.
"No, I was with Uriah." I sob out as I sit up and hit my head on the wall.
"Where you in the same area as him when he threw himself over?" I shake my head.
"No, I was with Uriah." I snap annoyed.
"So how could you have killed him? You didn't push him. You didn't make him. You weren't even in the area. So how did you kill him?" Bass asks me firmly. "How can you kill him when you're in the other side of the compound?" I turn and look into his tired eyes.
"I lost it with him and told him he was worthless for letting Drew try and rape Tris and Peter try to kill her." I tell him. "I told him he was worthless and stupid. I never use that word. I hate that word."
"He was worthless for letting them try and hurt her. You were only telling him the truth, something he should be used to." Bass states. "If that sends him over the edge of the chasm, that's his choice. Not yours, Ann. You did not kill him." I bite my lip to prevent myself from sobbing more. "But you do need to learn to watch yourself." Bass tells me. "Eric is watching you now."
"I saw him earlier and he just looked down and walked off." I tell him. Not another thing to worry about.
"He must have been allowed to watch your fear simulations." My brother removes his hand from my shoulder. "There were no signs in the recordings, so I don't understand either."
"Could there be another reason? Could it be because I am a little homicidal right now?"I ask him. "I can work on not talking about it." Bass shakes his head.
"No, right now you need to be pissed. After everything that happened to Tris, you should be. I will work with you after initiation." I nod my head.
"How should I react to this? To Al's death." I ask him. I trust him with all my heart. Bass is smart and he has a plan.
"He was your friend. Turn it in Peter and Drew's face." His voice is low. "You should have never seen a dead body."
"I'm Dauntless now. I have mastered my emotions." I tell him in a sarcastic tone.
"Good, you should have after pulling three minutes in the simulations." He messes up my hair. "Go get cleaned up and let me sleep." I nod and walk to the bathroom. After washing my face, I leave Bass's room and walk back to the pit. I only find Christina there.
"Where's Uriah?" I as if I didn't run off.
"He will be right back. Are you okay?" I nod.
"I went to my brother." I tell her as I sit down with her on the floor.
"I know. I told Uriah that you would be back when you were ready. What did he say?" I shake my head and look at the Chasm.
"That he was for Candor. He should have been able to handle the truth. Al didn't and killed himself. That's not my fault." I shake my head. "How long was I gone?"
"Only about an hour. People are started to find out." Christina says as she looks somewhere. "They are out." She says as she grabs my wrist.
"You should let me go. I'm beyond pissed again. If I choose to go after them, you will be put in the hospital." I warn her. "I will not go after them right now." Christina nods
"Okay, then Uriah will be able to hold you back." She smirks a little. "You might enjoy that." I roll my eyes.
"How would a boy holding me back from killing to jerks be enjoying?" I ask her.
"Because it's a hot, sexy man doing it instead." I look up and see a smirking Uriah with something in his hand. I look around.
"I don't see a man around me that I can't fight." I scoff as he sits down.
"Ouch, that hurts." He says in a fake sad voice.
"What's that?" I point to the silver thing. Uriah takes a drink of it.
"Something that might help." He says. "It's a little hard."
"Alcohol." Christina tells me. I slowly nod. Bass said it might help me forget. I watch as Uriah sets it down next to him and sigh.
"Yeah, but considering what happen…" Uriah says and lets his voice die down. "I'm not like Four. I remain solemn for the most part; it does taste weird at first." He says as if he just now remembered something. I shake my head.
"No it's fine. It was just seeing my brother drunk was what bothered me." I tell him quietly as I look at the silver flask. Uriah picks it up and offers it to me.
"You want to see if it helps?" He asks me while looking into my eyes. I look into his.
"You won't let me do anything stupid. Like walk over to the chasm?" I ask him and Christina.
"If it will help you. I know how close you were to him. You treated him like a younger brother." That surprises me to hear from Christina.
"Thanks." I grab the flask from him and bring it to my lips.
"Careful, not too much." Uriah's hand goes to the bottom of the flask and tilts it back slowly. I feel the burn as it hits my tongue. Only a little bit reaches inside before he moves it away from me. I hold it in my mouth and feel the burn. I can't really taste much other than smoke, like when you breathe it in and you get that strange taste. That's what this is. I swallow gingerly and I feel the burn move down my throat and to my stomach. I can't help but cough. I lean forward and start coughing a lot. I feel two hands on my back helping me get it all out. "What do you think?" Uriah asks me once I control my coughing. I look up at him and he half smirks. "It's normal for a beginning drinker." I nod my head and hold my hand out to take the flask back.
"Uriah, what have you created?" Christina half jokes as he helps me drink a little bit more. Once I swallow, I cough less.
"Taste like smoke." I tell them in between coughs. "Like from fire."
"Yeah, it's not as old as what some people drink." Uriah says. "But it's what I could grab." My head starts to feel weird.
"Whoa." I put my hand on my head.
"Light weight." Uriah laughs before drinking some more. I push his shoulder and he doesn't spill a drop. "I have been doing this for a while with my brother. I know how to not spill my drink."
"Why is my head feeling funny?" I ask him.
"The whiskey is taking affect fast on you because you never drank before. After a while, you will be able to hold it better. You will have a head ache later." I rest my head on his shoulder and watch the people start to gather. Looking at Uriah makes my stomach start to move like when we kiss. So I try to avoid doing so. When Uriah starts playing with my hair I don't have the will to stop him.
"What are you doing, Uriah?" I ask him, not moving.
"What does it look like?" He smirks.
"I don't know. I can't see you. My hair is in my face." I reply. Uriah takes both hands and mess my hair up to the point it will take an hour or so to brush out. I reach out to his hair and do the same thing his brother did before we went zip lining.
"Hey." Uriah stops messing with my hair and his hands grab my wrist. "Don't touch the hair." He laughs.
"Don't dish it out if you can't handle it." I deadpan. Right now, the only thing I feel is my stomach. "I will do anything you do to me, ten times worse for you." I point with my finger. Uriah smirks and bites it. "Shit! That hurts." I yank my wrist free and slap him to get him to let my finger go. I look at it and wave it in the air to get the little stinging down. That doesn't work so I suck on it. I hear Christina and Uriah laugh.
"Now you're putting my spit in your mouth." he points out to me. I remove the finger from my mouth and snap my teeth towards his.
"You two flirt a lot when you're drunk." I turn and look at her.
"I'm not drunk. I only drank a little bit." I defend. Uriah places a hand on my shoulder.
"Two drinks of this are enough for you." He says. "You are close to being drunk." I turn and slap him again.
"You're not supposed to get me drunk." I snap at him, or at least try to. The luster of the anger wasn't there.
"What, you're more feisty and willing to flirt back now." I glare at him as I sit up. I see Will holding his lips shut next to Christina.
"When did you get here?" I ask and he starts laughing. "What?"
"You're funny." He says in between laughs. I don't get how I'm funny. Aren't I acting the same as I normally do? I hold up my middle finger at him and his eyes widen.
"Andy?" I turn and see Tris. There is some red in her face. "What are you doing?" I put my finger down and point to Uriah. He is holding the flask.
"He got me drunk." I tell her. "Blame him. He didn't tell me how much I should drink. I only had two sips." Tris shakes her head at Uriah and he sips some and sets it back on the ground.
"Surprise, Surprise." I see Molly and Peter behind her. I stand up as she gets Peter's attention. "Once a Stiff, always a stiff." I glare at her. I'm not drunk enough not to kick her ass. Suddenly, the knife feels heavy on my back. I walk in between Tris and Uriah so my back is near him. I hold the back of my shirt up a little bit and I feel his hand take the knife away from me. I drop the shirt and fold my arms. "I read an interesting article today." Molly goes on. "Something about your dads and the real reason you left your old faction." I go to move, but Tris punches her in the jaw. Bass told me to she isn't supposed to be standing up for herself. Even though I so badly want to see her beat the living crap out of her right now. Molly lunges and I step in between Tris and her and Tris gets out of the way as I am pushed to the ground. My knee goes up and I get her in the stomach as she lands on me. I grab her hands and throw them off of my throat and throw her off of me. I get on top of her and go to punch her and I feel someone grab my wrist. I use my strength to rip it free and hit her in the jaw where she was just hit. My other one connects to her temple. Temples and eyes are where I normally go for, but Tris got her good in the jaw, I had to finish off.
"You are a gross little ugly girl. How did your parents stand you? I'm sure Tris and I had a better up bringing if this is how you treat people." I growl out as I punch her. I feel someone's arms wrap around my waist. I don't stop. "They raise an ugly, stupid girl. You should have learned to keep you fat ugly mouth shut. How stupid are you?" I snap out as the hands clasp together and pull me off of her. I kick and thrash in the arms of whoever it is. I glare at Molly as she struggles to get up. "Run and be a coward, that's all you ever do." I growl out quietly as she gets up, blood dripping from her face as she walks away with Peter. He didn't do anything, Peter is a coward too.
"Now that is over." I hear someone say. My eyes search for the person, I see Eric standing on a box right next to the Chasm railing. He is looking at me. I shut my mouth and glare back. "Thank you. As you know, we're here because Albert, and initiate, jumped into the Chasm last night." Everyone is silent now, but I'm still being held by the waist by someone. "We do not know why and it would be easy to mourn the loss of him tonight. But we did not choose a life of ease when we became dauntless. And the truth of it is…" I watch a sick smile appear on his face. Everything this man does piss me off. "The truth is Albert is now exploring an unknown, uncertain place. He leaped into vicious waters to get there. Who among us is brave enough to venture into the darkness without knowing what lies beyond it? Albert was not yet one of our members, but we can be assured that he was one of our bravest!" what the hell is he talking about? I know Al, he was brave, but not as brave as have of the people here. I hear a cry sided from the center of the crowd and a whoop. These people believe him. Well, we aren't Erudite and I'm not Candor, so I can't judge them. I give a jerk, in hopes to get free, but nothing. The room starts to get louder and louder and I move my hands to my ears and try to bury my head into my chest. I hate, fear loud noises. "We will celebrate him now, and remember him always." There is a little pause as someone hands him a bottle. "To Albert the Courageous!" Courageous? What? People start to chant his name as if it was great. It way too loud.
"Let me go." I groan quietly. "Let me go right now." I can't handle it. My body shifts and my face is on Uriah's chest. "I don't want to be here." I whisper into his chest. "Please." My ears hurt and I feel something pushed into my hand. It's the flask. I take a big drink of it and welcome the burn in my throat. I don't want to be here. I want to forget everything. I feel Uriah take the flask from me.
"Christina. Thanks, but she can't have anymore." I lift my head up and look at him with a pleading look.
"I can't handle this, Uriah. It's too loud. You either let me go." I look at the flask. "Or you let me drink until I can't think anymore." My mind it my enemy right now. Uriah looks down at me with a blank look.
"You can't have anymore, Andy." He says firmly. He turns and looks at Christina. "Take it and don't give it to her again." She grabs it and walks out of my view as he looks at me again. "Andy, breathe." I haven't been breathing. I'm too stressed out, even with alcohol on board. Tears form in my eyes.
"Let me go. It's too loud." I whisper to him. I feel his arms move and I can move again. Without another word, I run to the dorm. Hopefully, I can't hear it in there. When I get there, my mind is still saying I can hear it. This isn't fair. No tears have fallen, no. I'm too pissed at everything. I want to break something. This is bad. I was just getting okay with the fact that Al was dead and then Molly had to say crap and I went after her and Eric had to lie out of his teeth. I look around. There is nothing to break or rip or whatever. I bite my lip hard enough I taste blood and run out the door and run down the route where Al and I walked. My feet stop when I got where we did yesterday. Where, I yelled at the fragile boy. I ball up and fist and punch the wall as hard as I can. "What the hell am I supposed to do?" I cry out angry. "You are no courageous person. You were willing to let a little girl get raped and murdered." I shout as if he can hear. I punch the wall with my other hand. The most I do is cause a small dent. "Coward Albert. That's what you were. Kill I can handle, but Rape. You are a false and a fraud. How did I not see it before? You were my second Friend. I told you stuff that I wouldn't dream telling people. And what do you do? Turn on someone that's a sister to me and was letting her get raped." I shout almost scream at the wall. "I should have never let you in. You don't deserve to be called a Candor. You put on an act for us and I believed it." I scream.
"Uriah gave her some alcohol." I hear Tris say as I quiet down. I punch the wall again and cause a bigger dent in the rock.
"I hate him. I hate him." I snap as I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Coward." I growl out.
"What was it?" I hear my brother ask.
"I don't know." Tris says as I start to laugh.
"I came close to killing Molly, but I was too kind and let Uriah take my knife. I shouldn't have though. I would feel a whole lot better now. I should have killed all of them." My body is turn quickly around so I see Bass. He pins me against the wall and glares at me.
"What did he give you?" I look him in the eyes and laugh.
"Whiskey. Now I know why you drink. I feel like I can do anything." My smile drops. "But no one will let me kill her. She shouldn't have started to talk about father." I growl out. "Uriah had to pull me off of her. He is too good." I can't look away from Bass's eyes. "He only let me have two drinks, but I couldn't help myself when Christina gave me the flask. I chugged it." I tell him. "Until he took it away. Ba…Four. I couldn't handle Eric lies. I couldn't handle the screaming and the shouting and the…" Tears form in my eyes. "Four, I can't take it." I lower my head as he continues to look at me. "It should have been me. I was thinking of it." I sob out as his hand slips from my shoulder and I sink to the ground.
"I don't care what Eric says. Suicide is cowardly." Bass says firmly. "I will not let you be that selfish or cowardly." I nod slowly.
"Yes Ba..Four." I can't slip. Not with Tris here. I look back up at him. "Sorry for showing weakness." I stand up. Blink the tears from my eyes and hang my head.