What do I usually do when I want to take a break from editing? Simple, I write these charming stories.

Tags: Lux, Zilean, various interesting couples, so subtle Yuri that you'll barely notice it.

Lux smiles as she finally walks past the golden gates baring the entrance to the Institute of War, her sky blue eyes beaming with happiness and pride and her head held high as the light mage excitedly strolls down the crowded hallways of the League. She had actually made it! Luxanna Crownguard could barely believe that she had been allowed to join the roster of the famous League as the newest Demacian champion!

Luxanna's innocent smile freezes on her lips when she suddenly becomes a witness to the most bizarre sight she had ever seen in her whole life. Champions, there were champions everywhere, and they were all kissing.

There is a hulking yellow robot standing a mere few paces away from her, its bulky iron hands tightly wrapped around the form of a redhead lady with spider appendages sprouting from behind her back. The spider-human hybrid keeps sighing and moaning as the redhead unsuccessfully tries to shove her tongue into the Great Steam Golem's absent, nonexistent mouth.

…

What? Why would a robot even- Why would the spiderlady even- What-

"Mfff!"

A sudden desperate sound suddenly draws the awestruck blonde mage's attention and wide blue orbs slowly dart towards her left only to instantly once again move away when Lux witnesses a buck naked Shauna Vayne writhing in pleasure while being assaulted by a big-eyed purple void monstrosity possessing three electrified pulsing tentacles.

"L-Lux.."

The shaken light mage unwittingly jumps in fright when she recognizes the voice of one of her most cherished childhood friends. Luxanna hopefully follows the voice, struggling to maintain her remaining sanity as the flustered blonde mage hurriedly turns her head around in order to find Fiora. And Luxanna Crownguard actually finds her dear childhood friend indeed, it's only that Fiora is currently being sandwiched between the muscular bodies of a Shadow Isles undead centaur and a hulking purple Zaunite, the enormous blue tongue of which keeps licking the whimpering and moaning noblewoman's beet red face.

"R-run."

Fiora mutters weakly as a female yordle wielding a tall hammer suddenly jump on top of the spectral centaur's shoulder and starts sensually nibbling at the duelist's ear, the short yordle woman staring directly at the young Crownguard with a visible hungry expression.

"R.. Ah!.. unnn!"

But there is no way Luxanna can actually flee since her legs could have as well been made of ice at that moment. The Grand Duelist then spasms and releases a very unlikely feminine mewl as Fiora abruptly comes undone in the hands of the peculiar trio. The undead centaur then pauses to affectionately nuzzle Fiora's sweaty hair.

"What the fuck is going on here?!"

Screams the blonde Demacian in horror.

"Shipping…"

Replies a solemn figure that suddenly emerges from the dark, a wizened and mysterious-looking old man with a giant clock securely tied behind his back with a legth of rope.

"Shipping?"

Mutters Lux as her eyebrows scrunch up in distrust, what do naval vessels have to do with all of those League champions getting down and dirty around them.

"Yes shipping! League champions are unfortunately forced to fulfill their social duties and interact with other members of the League in order to appease the masses and preserve the peace of Valoran! Hoho! The term for those duties is called shipping, most likely because of all the shapely glistening bodies trying to ram into each other as if they are proud frigates participating in glorious naval warfare!"

The wizened old champion then coughs in his fist to regain his composure as he examines Luxanna's form with a pair of very sad and pitying eyes.

"Damn I feel sorry for you."

"W-why?"

The light mage nervously swallows the lump in her throat as she tries to ignore the panting forms making out on the floor, her face as red as that screaming spider-woman's hair.

"You look innocent and delicate so you will be probably shipped with brutes like Trundle." The old wizard points at a muscular troll that's currently grinning at her. "Or a bad boy like Fizz over there." The wizard then gestures towards a walking humanoid fish that keeps licking its lips suggestively while staring at her, and repeating a peculiar gesture where it continuously moves its wet slimy tongue between the curve formed by two spread thin blue fingers. Luxanna actually takes a subconscious step back after noticing him.

"Don't worry my child, there is still a chance you will be shipped with a female champion of the League, Summoners do love those kinds of things after all. Hmm.."

The wise time sorcerer takes a peek at the various moaning champions littering the floor and his eyes suddenly brighten as he comes up with a great idea.

"Maybe you will be shipped with more than one champion! Perhaps.. Ah yes! Two Noxians, the Sinister Blade will be the cruel violent beast that abuses you and Riven will be your big gentle white-haired teddy bear. A love story between members of opposing factions is always interesting!"

Luxanna blinks as she tries to picture herself in an actual relationship with a Noxian and only succeeds in imagining two hungry feral wolves approaching her with malicious intentions.

"I-I don't think that I like shipping."

Zilean scoffs as he looks at the young light mage with a dark expression that somehow manages to convey both his annoyance and his agitation.

"Of course not you foolish child, do you think that I like carrying this stupid enormous clock everywhere I go like a damn lunatic? I was once shipped with Volibear, my child! I am still trying to protect my poor rear!"

Luxanna flinches, her hands unconsciously moving behind her back to protectively grasp her own more feminine rear.

"T-that sounds unpleasant…"

"Yes it was, and you still don't know the most terrifying thing about shipping."

Luxanna loudly gulps when her name and title are suddenly being projected on the opposite wall through the horrendous unseen magic of the evil Summoners. An assortment of ever-changing faces starts flickering next to her brand-new smiling portrait.

"You might be shipped with bad people and enemies, barbarians and monsters, but there is an even worse fate out there that all League champions dread and very few brave ones even dare to imagine."

The changing portrait finally stops flickering and shines brightly showing the face of Fiora. Luxanna smiles in relief and she is about to go and find her childhood friend when another portrait suddenly appears next to Fiora's showing a menacing titan wielding a heavy morning star and then another one depicting the purple Zaunite with the blue tongue she had just seen mere moments ago..

…and next to him appears a dark witch posing next to her smirking black-haired clone, and a white-haired warrior that's carrying the remnants of a broken black blade, and-

More and more portraits keep appearing around her smiling visage presenting various hulking violent monstrosities or powerful-looking and arrogant females and poor Luxanna can barely register the old time wizard's sigh when Zilean finally utters the dreaded word that seals the light mage's fate.

"Harems. Good luck Miss Crownguard, you are definitely going to need it."

Lux doesn't even have the time to answer or react when a short-haired Freljordian woman suddenly pulls the stunned mage closer by the wrist and kisses her. A strong pale hand abruptly squeezes her rear and through wide blue eyes Luxanna can barely see Zilean soundlessly mouthing, watch your butt, as the Freljordian warrior briefly takes a step back and then starts guiding Lux somewhere by tugging on the light mage's captured appendage.

"Welcome to the league of Legends, Demacian. How about we two get better acquainted with each other in my bedroom?"

Zilean's sad, powerless stare follows the new couple as Sejuani drags poor Lux away from the crowded hallway. The wise old mage shivers when he spares a glance at the still flickering portraits surrounding Lux's and spots the undead faces of Thresh, Sion and Karthus.

"Harems." The old wizard sadly whispers and then Zilean uses his magic to speed himself up and run away after he notices Volibear observing him with sad, heartbroken and longing eyes.

Writer's notes: There are three premises in this story. 1 Have Lux break the forth wall and learn about shipping. 2 Show the terrifying side of what we authors do (Imagine a child slamming the faces of a Cho'Gath and a Garen doll together, close enough) and 3 finally find an explanation for the existence of Zilean's clock. I mean it is not even mentioned in the lore and he has secured it behind him with rope of all things. Rope! Why is he so desperate to keep that clock behind him, huh!?