Tags: Attempts at comedy, Ashe, Avarossa, Lissandra, Warwick, Fairytales, Sleep deprivation.
"There you go" The kind white-haired woman says as she places the last few remaining items inside her daughter's small woven basket. "Now go out and deliver granny Lissandra's breakfast along with those True Ice crystals that grandma would never use for nefarious purposes, such as world domination for example." Mama Avarossa helpfully continues before she places another wrapped package inside her teenage daughter's simple woven basket and then leans down to kiss Ashe's forehead.
"Right." Ashe dryly answers her mother with a deadpan expression plastered on her pale face. The young Frost Archer being eager to just get outside, away from mamma Avarossa's attentive and prying eyes and finally smoke her cigarettes in peace, hidden away from the protective clutches of her dear sweet mother. The silver-haired woman clasps her azure-colored cloak around her body and then puts on her hood.
Mama Avarossa merely rolls her eyes at that since it is currently summer and she knows that her brooding daughter will most definitely suffocate inside that stuffy blue thing, but Ashe doesn't really care about her mother's opinion since hoods and cloaks are edgy and in fashion and so she has to wear them even in summer!
Mama Avarossa hopes that this is just a phase for her silver-haired daughter.
"And please be careful, Ashe. There are rumors of a scary wolf that's taken residence in the forest, so be sure to avoid straying from the path and pay extra attenti-"
But the young Frost Archer is already gone and the door of the wooden hut slams shut behind the pale teenager's back as the blue-eyed girl starts fishing inside the pockets of her skinny jeans for her lighter and smokes. Finding the items would have certainly been a lot easier if only the fair-skinned girl would just unfasten her damn cloak first, but Ashe just loves that damn thing and the idea that her face is partially concealed much like the visage of a deadly assassin. The loudly swearing figure of the Little Blue Riding Hood disappears into the sea of trees and warm foliages as Ashe finally manages to find her smokes and light a cigarette while walking forward.
0000
Yeeeeeeah, that's the stuuuuuff. A really sweaty Ashe smiles happily as the hooded teenager releases a few puffs of foul white smoke, the Frost Archer's long silver trenches sticking to her clammy forehead due to the immense heat as the rebellious cloaked archer tiredly follows the hidden trail that's leading to granny Lissandra's secret lair. And Yep, that place was an actual lair all right! A lair of a batshit insane hermit! What's with granny Liss and her grandmother's ever-growing army of cats that were keeping the elderly woman company Ashe would probably never know.
It was ok when Granny Liss had found Rengar. Awesome when she had adopted Nidalee, Katarina was a tabby one-eyed monstrosity that had always tried to scratch her face whenever Ashe visited them, and whatever lies her mad grandmother claimed the pale archer was pretty sure that Renekton was actually a fucking alligator instead of a rare Bilgewater scaled feline as the elderly insane Ice Witch so stubbornly insisted. But what Ashe despised even more than the four strangely cunning pets that her Granny was housing was her actual blood-relative, poor grandma Lissy herself and her antics.
Her mother's mamma was like reaaally creepy. She would keep mumbling something about ice and frost, offer her ice-creams during the winter and had even started a weird cult of some sorts called 'The Frozen Watchers'. And while, yeah, Ashe had also liked the cartoon movie and she occasionally enjoyed rewatching it the silver-haired teenager couldn't for the life of her understand why anybody would start a cult or a club named after the famous Dasney movie.
Every. Single. Birthday present that Ashe had ever received from her whacky grandmother had been either an ice-cube tray or a freaking snow globe…
The Frost Archer had really started contemplating accidentally dropping a few shards of True Ice in Granny Lissy's bathtub after her sixteenth birthday when Lissandra had gifted the young girl a Shuriman snow globe of all things that depicted the ancient Golden City buried in thick layers upon layers of snow and ice. But if grandma Lissandra wasn't there any more then who was Ashe supposed to deliver useless stuff to in order to escape her mother's strict supervision and smoke in secret?
That was of course a truly difficult dilemma and the young archer had to consider her options very carefully before doing anything hasty that could potentially lead to unsavory results and the loss of something really precious to her that the archer wouldn't ever hope to reclaim in this lifetime. Ashe would protect her right to harm her body through smoking to her last puff of burnable poison if that was necessary!
A rustle in a nearby bush suddenly draws the silver-haired woman out of her thoughts and Ashe's sky blue eyes narrow as the teen stares at the ominously moving foliages. The young girl takes a single step back, one hand clenching the handle of her woven basket in a white-knuckled death grip the other one tweeting #Danger, #Spooky and #Wandering alone in the woods like a boss, dot, smiley face, on her new Valor-eter account.
The sound of the shifting foliages becomes even louder as a filthy mangy beast suddenly emerges from behind the green bushes, the giant wolf's hulking silhouette casting a large shadow over the presently stunned silver-haired woman.
#Shit! #Help! #like this comment, I am dying! #Unfriending Sejuani if I survive, Yolo!
Warwick's powerful jaws open exposing razor-sharp teeth, the beast's soulless red eyes staring at Ashe with a hint of raw and twisted desire. A huge clawed hand then slowly rises and moves towards the seemingly paralyzed girl's face. A sharp pointer finger aiming an even sharper and cruel wicked claw over the chin of the presently speechless Frost Archer!
"Excuse me Miss, but could I perhaps borrow a cigarette?" Warwick finally asks as the giant werewolf casually points at the small burning white cylinder that's perched between Ashe's trembling lips, and the fair-skinned teenager just pauses and shrugs before Ashe silently reaches inside her pocket to find a fag for the friendly Zaunite werewolf.
The End
End credits (scroll down slowly)
Avarossa is still alive, she married Warwick's half-brother, Nasus and the two of them are happy together.
Ashe got into a relationship with Warwick, but the Frost Archer then decided that the kindhearted werewolf wasn't emo enough for her tastes and so she dumped him and started dating Talon. They both wear their hoods and cloaks even during the summer.
Granny Lissandra is still trying to conquer the world. She also adopted an enormous Nine-tailed kitten that her granddaughter is claiming that is actually a fox Vastayan. Silly child, Ahri doesn't even speak with an Ionian accent.
Warwick was devastated when Ashe left him, luckily enough for him the heartbroken werewolf decided to use his pain as motivation and leave his old life behind. Warwick became a successful horror movie actor and married his co-star Sivir when the two of them met while filming Mummy wolf 4. The cursed jaws of Shurima. The couple has two beautiful daughters that aspire to be movie stars like their parents.
Drawingdisaster realized that it was time to crawl under the bed sheets and die (meaning to sleep, don't worry) after writing the chapter, but their insomnia kept them awake and so the writer wrote a lot of silly League plots and lame jokes that they then put in the author's notes.
Nobody ever realized that Maokai was also included in the story as a tree in the forest. The green titan effortlessly melted into the background, obscured by the barks of other smaller non-sentient trees, until Ashe accidentally started a forest fire with one of her cigarettes and Maokai had to appear to put out the flames. Ashe framed him for the fire in order to hide that she was smoking from her mother. Mao went to jail for arson, he came out years later with native tattoos that made him look like a totem. He hasn't been the same tree ever since, but he found a job as a goalkeeper. Maokai still hates smokers.
A LOT of plot ideas and a shout-out: What do you do when you are so sleepy that you can't even type? I write fanfictions! Some of you might have noticed, but I draw (heh heh) a great amount of inspiration from classic fairytales and I wonder why I don't see many stories using their settings. Examples below.
Ashe and the seven yordles: A story where snow-Ashe runs away from her evil stepmother Lissandra and gets lost in a forest where seven yordles find her and adopt her. We even have Kled to star as the Grumpy.
Little Cait riding in da Hood: Caitlyn is tasked by her mother to deliver some hex-tech crystals to her uncle Jayce near Zaun. She gladly accepts, but she soon strays from the path while browsing rifle modifications in shop displays. A thieving pinkette wolf Vastayan tries to take advantage of that and steal both Cait's heart and the valuable crystals.
Or
The beast that roams the woods: Life has its ups and downs and the wolf Vastayan Caitlyn is definitely experiencing the latter right now. Orphaned at a young age, pressed for money and out of options the wolf Vastayan decides to trick and rob the next person that wanders into her forest. But unfortunately for Cait, that pink-haired traveler is both flirty, dense and inappropriate and Cait becomes the victim of the story as the wolf tries to contain her annoyance long enough to steal the cargo of the obnoxious human female.
There are so many variations that could be written for this one.
Pick your poison: "Hey Miss Riven, did you drop this silver-haired Lunari in the well or was it that brunette Sun Avatar?" "Neither of them. I dropped my fking axe, I'm a woodcutter you see." "Damn, well I admire your honesty so you can keep both of them!" "But I don't want them! Hey wait! I said wait, please come back! You can't just drop them and disappear on me like that!"
The magical etwahl: Do you know why there are no yordles in Noxus? Because of a certain mute. Sona is a despicable assassin that is tasked from Noxus to deal with their little sentient mice problem. Sona always finishes the job… A dark gritty tale about how the Maven uses her music to make unsuspecting yordles follow her out of Noxus until they drop into a well and drown. Noxus then refuses to pay her for her services and so Sona in an act of rage and revenge steals Swain's raven! But what the mute assassin doesn't initially realize is that the raven is actually a transformed LeBlanc that is really into BDSM play and so LB occasionally transforms into a raven and lets Swain lock her in a bird cage to get her kicks out of it… Damn I am already turning the stories into smut, maybe I should just lay down.
…
But what if Sona is actually the Little Mermaid that fell in love with someone in Bilgewater or a Demacian noblewoman and so she made a deal that trade her tail for a pair of feet so Sona could chase after her love in the dry land? That's why she is mute and now the poor mermaid will have to navigate the dangerous slums of Bilgewater confused, naïve and alone. But Maybe Sarah Fortune is in town, maybe she is going to protect the young mermaid?
-Stop it drawing! You are out of your goddamn mind!
-Neva! Orianna is a spoiled Piltovian princess that plays in the garden with her silver ball until it falls in a pond. Viktor, a gruff wandering cyborg comes to her rescue, but Viktor will only accept using his extra hand to acquire the short-circuited device after some robot-kissing so that Vik can test and adjust his new lip synchronizer module.
-Drawing I am warning you! One more whacky story and I'm-
-Teemo always knew that he was destined for greatness! But when the young yordle learns about the magical sword that's stuck in Malphite's rear which whoever pulls out is going to be crowned as the next King of Cumalot-
*The second personality pulls out the plug.
Ahem.
Shout-out: I forgot to mention that I recently collaborated with the author thestripybag for a story. Stripy has a lot of nice story ideas and some surprisingly unique concepts, so if you like fantasy stories, refreshing new worlds and action-packed adventures I would recommend you to check out their stories.