Chapter 32.5: Suna Pt. 2

"You deserve better. You always deserved better."

As I took a seat beside her, Sakura made it a point to look everywhere but my face as I lifted the brown paper bag onto the bed. I watched her gaze go to the bowl when I brought it out, and her eyes slightly widened in recognition of her favorite foods.

She grabbed a dumpling and I thanked Kami for putting it in my mind to stop in town before coming to the hospital.

'Idiot.' I thought to myself as I stood up and went to hang my jacket behind the door, 'You get a few snacks and think water is under the bridge?'

With this self-criticism in mind, I returned to her side and took some time to get my thoughts together. Once she was on her third dumpling, I took her chin in my hand and made her meet my eyes.

"You wanted coffee and I told you I couldn't get it." I murmured, "That's why you went with him to his room. For some coffee."

'Please.' I silently begged as we maintained eye contact, 'Please tell me it's not my fault.'

When she nodded, my heart stopped, and I forced myself to my feet.

"S-Sasuke-kun, I—" Sakura coughed as I made my way towards the door, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"…So am I." I weakly replied before leaving the room.

Once the door clicked shut behind me, I tightened my hands into fists and fought off the urge to punch the wall.

'Why should she be sorry?' I scrunched my eyes shut, 'Because you're a pathetic excuse for a husband and couldn't do one thing for her.'

I continued to mutter to myself, the absurdity of the situation dawning on me all over again, "Coffee. Really, Sasuke? That was all she needed, and you couldn't put your sleep aside for it? And now Kosuke's—"

"Sasuke?" Itachi's voice interrupted me before I could go any further and I reluctantly turned to him, "What are you doing out here? Is Sakura okay?"

"Just…composing myself." I stretched my fingers before smoothing my pants down, "And Sakura's as fine as she can be considering everything."

I was content to leave it at that and even placed a hand on the doorknob to go back into the room, but Itachi's grip on my other arm stopped me.

"Wait a second." He said, forcing me to face him, "What about you? How are you feeling?"

I bit the inside of my cheek as hard as I could, and the sting of the pain stopped me from breaking down right then and there.

"I'm fine." I lied as I glanced away from him, "Just wishing I did more."

"Hey, you're not at fault for this, okay?" He patted my shoulders and gave me a compassionate look, "Neither of you are."

"Aa." I nodded my head as I turned away from him and back towards the door, "Arigato, Nii-san."

Not giving him a chance to say anything else, I re-entered the room and let out a shaky exhale. When I lifted my eyes to Sakura, I immediately noticed that there was a change about her.

For one, her posture was near perfect, a stark difference from the somewhat slouch I'd last seen her in. Then there was the way her emerald-green eyes stared me down, tearing me to pieces with each advancing step I took towards her.

I glanced at the spot beside her that I'd been sitting in and opted to stand. I should've been close to her, hugging her, trying to console her, but something in my gut told me to remain on my feet. We stood there for what felt like forever before I came to my senses and realized that I should begin the healing process, but when I opened my mouth to speak, Sakura raised her hand.

"Kosuke died because of you." She said matter-of-factly, her voice filled with a venomous undertone, "You killed him, and you killed me."

I knew the five stages of grief and their apparent order, so it was no surprise to me that after getting past denial Sakura had moved on to anger. Still, although I was able to understand her feelings, the knowledge did little to alleviate the pain I felt from her words.

"It wasn't my fault." She continued, her eyes narrowing, "All I wanted was coffee, and if you had just gotten up and found it for me, none of this would've ever happened."

This wasn't the time or the place to begin arguing with her, and I decided I would take the brunt of her fury for healing's sake before reaching out to her, "Sakura—"

Smacking my hand away, she visibly recoiled by scrunching up her nose, "Don't touch me. You don't get to touch me ever again."

"I—"

"He was our boy." She interrupted, her mouth curving into a frown, "I knew you hated me, but I thought you would at least protect me for his sake. Why didn't you?"

"I don't hate you…!" I cleared my throat as I blinked back tears, "I love you, Sakura, I swear. I just—you wanted coffee at 2 a.m., and I was so tired—!"

To my surprise, Sakura began to laugh.

"Come on, Sasuke-kun! We both know that's not true." She chuckled maniacally, "What was it? Did the Uchiha delegation meet and tell you to stop having half breed kids? Is that why Shin kidnapped me?"

All I could do was offer her a distressed look as she continued her tirade.

"Y'know what he said to me?" She cackled, "He said if I'd stayed in a commoner's place, he never would've batted an eye at me. Is that why Kosuke died, Sasuke-kun? Because I dared to go against nature?"

I swallowed hard and attempted to keep my voice level as I reasoned with her, "Sakura, none of that is true. You and I—We are natural. We love each other, we support each other, we…"

She covered her face with her hands, and I trailed off.

Shaking her head, she giggled before turning to me, "Gomen, don't let me stop you from lying. Let's see if you can trick me before you trick yourself."

I took one of her hands in mine and began to sit beside her, "I'm not lying. You're my wife, you're the mother of my child, and I—"

A rough shove forced me off the bed and I found myself on my back, staring up at room's ceiling tiles. As I sat up and touched a hand to my forehead, feeling slightly dizzy after having hit the ground so hard, I caught a concerned Sakura reaching out to help me.

She froze before my very eyes, and I watched her face morph into various expressions in a matter of seconds, as if she was fighting herself. Before long, she settled on the face I'd last seen before I'd been shoved, and she quickly drew her hands back and crossed them under her arms.

"I—I told you not to touch me." She stammered, eyes quickly darting from me to the food bowl in front of her, "You don't…you don't have the right."

"…You don't mean that." I urged as I pushed myself off the floor and straightened up, blinking and recentering my vision, "Look, if you want some space, I'll—"

"Some space?" Sakura repeated sarcastically before facing the window, "I can't stand you. I never want to see you again."

A lump in my throat made it hard for me to speak, but I forced myself to persevere and tried to get her to look at me, "You're upset because we lost our son, I get it, but—"

"We didn't lose him." She corrected without turning to me, "You killed him. And I will never forgive you."

'Get a grip, Sasuke.' I scolded myself as I lifted a hand to quickly wipe under my eyes, 'This isn't the time for tears.'

"You just need some space." I repeated aloud, although more to myself than to her, "I'll…I'll be back in a few hours."

Sakura didn't speak or move an inch, and she continued to stare out the window as I stepped out and closed the door.

True to my word, I gave her some time to herself. More than some time, as I had first arrived at 2:10 p.m. and finally decided to go back around 6:30 p.m. My hope was that she would've had a proper meal and taken a nap, the two easiest fixes for an irritable mood.

However, when I went back into her room, it would soon become clear that time had only worsened things.

Aside from the TV in the top right corner, all the lights in the room were off, and I decided to quietly push the door in and slip inside.

My eyes promptly adjusted to the dim lighting, and I took note of the transparent garbage bag filled with a dark red cloth by the foot of her bed. As I approached, I realized the cloth was not naturally red, but had been stained that way, and it didn't take long for me to guess what could've been the source.

My gaze went to Sakura's still body, lying down yet facing the window, and I noticed an IV had been attached to her left hand, which was noticeably lighter than it had been earlier in the day.

'Gomennasai, Sakura.' I thought to myself as I sighed, 'Hontōni, gomennasai.'

"…from me." She mumbled.

I leaned forward and asked her to repeat herself.

Her eyes flicked back and acknowledged my presence before returning to the window, and yet as bright as they were, the soul behind them seemed to be gone.

"…away from me."

"Gomen, what?" I asked as I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Get the fuck away from me!" She whipped her head back, shoving me to my feet as she sat up, "GET AWAY!"

It was only then that I truly became aware of the condition of her body, as when she kicked off the covers, her hospital gown remained bunched around her waist for all of two seconds. That was more than enough time for me to catch a glimpse of the sharpie markings just under her navel, and I felt a surge of fear and adrenaline flood through me, prompting me to do the one thing she hated: touch her.

"Daijōbu?" I questioned, panic dipping into my voice as I held her shoulders, "What happened?"

Shaking her head, she grabbed my wrists and tried to lift my hands off her, yelling repeatedly, "Get away from me!"

Still operating off the hysteria, I tightened my hold on her and tried to force her to look at me, "Sakura! Come on! Tell me what happened!"

"NO!" She roared, clawing at my face, "Get off of me! I hate you!"

Her last few words made my blood run cold, and I released her just before a group of nurses stormed into the room, menacing expressions on their faces.

"What the hell are you doing?!" One of the nurses questioned, grabbing me by my hand and tugging me away.

"No, you don't understand." I began, planting my feet in the ground and looking back at Sakura who was now being surrounded by the rest of the group, "I'm her—"

"Husband, right?" The nurse swore, "Where the hell is Matsuri-sensei? She was supposed to talk to you."

"Matsuri-sensei?" I repeated the name, recalling that she was the doctor who had helped deliver Kosuke, "What does she—?"

A pained cry from Sakura cut me off, and the two of us turned to see a tearful Sakura hunched over, tightly clutching her abdomen.

"Alright, out!" The nurse that had been holding me commanded, jerking her thumb before hauling me out of the room.

"You can't tell me to leave when my wife's in there." I argued, getting ready to go back inside, "Can't you see how much pain she's in? She needs me!"

"Needs you?" The nurse snorted as Itachi came down the hall, "Your wife specifically told us not to let you in!"

That revelation shut me up for a moment, but I quickly shook my head before trying to look around her and into the room, "I don't believe that for a second, so step aside and let me speak to her. If you don't, I'll have you arrested for obstruction."

"…Heh." The nurse scoffed before placing a hand on her hip, "If you think for one second that you're going anywhere near her—"

"Arigato, nurse." Itachi clapped his hands, stopping her before either of us could take the situation any further, "I'll take it from here."

She cast Itachi a quick look over, seemingly recognizing him because her body language became less hostile, and she turned back to the room.

"Some brother you got there." She said over her shoulder, "No wonder his wife doesn't want him around."

She shut the door behind her, and I immediately turned to Itachi for answers.

"Before I tell you anything, you need to speak to Matsuri-sensei." Itachi said, continuing down the hall and motioning for me to follow him, "Come."

"But Nii-san—"

"Sasuke." Itachi stopped and turned to look back at me, "You need to hear what she has to say. I—You should've been the first person to know but they only found out once you left and Sakura made a request…just, come on."

Nodding, I quietly followed behind him and couldn't help but get déjà vu as I was reminded of the two of us walking together in a similar fashion after having been chewed out by our father for fighting.

Shaking my head, I pushed memories of the old days to the back of my mind just in time for us to reach Matsuri's office. There, we found her typing away on a keyboard, and after a few seconds, she wrapped up her work and invited us to sit.

Itachi chose to remain standing but when I tried to do the same, he urged me to take a seat and I took his suggestion as a sign that whatever I was about to hear couldn't be good. Of course, my intuition turned out to be right, and there was no doubt in my mind that if I had been standing, I would've fallen to my feet after hearing what she had to say.

I touched a hand to my head in shock, "There's a…second child?"

"Not exactly a child but a fetus." Matsuri corrected before going into further detail, "We weren't checking for it before because Kosuke had our attention, but after you left a nurse went to check up on her and found her soaked in blood. We did some scans and found the pregnancy in her left fallopian tube."

Recognizing the terminology, I straightened up, "Her fallopian tube? Isn't the uterus supposed to house the baby?"

She crossed her arms, "It is but the fact that it isn't means that this is an ectopic pregnancy and considering how much blood she lost in that short time before the nurse found her, it's clearly progressed past the point of simple medical rectification. She's going to need surgery and it has to be soon."

"Wait, wait, wait." I raised a hand, wanting to understand something, "Kosuke was six months when he…how is this child not bigger?"

"It's called superfetation." She explained as she stood up, stretching her arms, "Although extremely rare, there is a chance that a woman already carrying a child can get pregnant again. Ultrasounds on this fetus say it's about 50 days old so that's putting conception at almost two months ago."

"Two months ago…" I murmured to myself, trying to recall the last time Sakura and I had sex, "We didn't…"

I trailed off as I recalled that one night I'd taken Sakura on her side after she'd tearfully begged, telling me that she couldn't hold out for any longer.

With a sigh, I nodded my head, "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Matsuri smirked, "Good to know even the Uchiha enjoy pregnant sex."

Itachi cleared his throat, cheeks reddening, "Can you tell him what's going to happen?"

"Right." Her smile slid off her face as she took a deep breath, and I prepared myself for the worst, "Like I said earlier, Sakura needs to have surgery or she'll die. This pregnancy is showing signs of rupturing and if her fallopian tube bursts…well, we can't let it get to that point."

"Alright." I looked from her to Itachi, not understanding what was so shocking about what she was saying, "That makes sense, why did you guys act like I was supposed to be devastated by that?"

"She's not finished." Itachi interjected, folding his hands behind his back.

"The surgery…" Matsuri shut her eyes, "The surgery isn't dangerous for Sakura in anyway but there will be some…side effects. We'll be removing the left tube which will effectively reduce her chances of getting pregnant, then due to space left behind, there'll be an increased risk of getting another ectopic pregnancy…and of course, there's the fact that the fetus won't survive."

Of course the fetus wouldn't live, it made sense seeing as how it was barely seven weeks old, yet I couldn't help but think of Kosuke's death and silently winced at the loss of another child.

"Well," I shrugged my shoulders and tried to keep my voice level, "What can you do? It's either she gets the surgery, or she dies, right? The choice is clear."

Itachi and Matsuri exchanged looks and I shifted uneasily in my seat, "What else are you guys not telling me?"

"No, I mean, you're right." Matsuri scratched the back of her head awkwardly, "The choice is obviously clear but…"

"But?" I looked to Itachi for clarity and Itachi held a long blink as he leaned against the door.

"Sakura doesn't want to go through with the surgery." He revealed.

"…What?" I said after some time, tilting my head and trying to process his words, "She said no even though she'll die without it?"

"Pretty much." Matsuri nodded.

"That's ridiculous." I stated, promptly standing up and going over to Itachi, "Let me talk to her."

"That's the other thing," Itachi continued, not budging from his spot, "She specifically told the nurses and Matsuri-sensei that she didn't want you anywhere near her. That you—"

He abruptly cut himself off and my eyes narrowed at the sudden pause, "That I what?"

"…She's not okay, Sasuke." Itachi said, attempting to change the subject, "Losing Kosuke hurt her, so whatever she's saying—"

"Losing Kosuke hurt me too." I breathed, grabbing my brother by his collar and pulling him off the door, "Now tell me what she said."

Letting out a sigh of resignation, he answered me, "…That you already killed one of her children, she won't let you kill another."

Matsuri winced and I let go of Itachi before dropping my gaze to the floor. Maybe I should've felt anger or bitterness at the hurtful proclamation, but instead all I felt was guilt.

'She's right.' I figured as my mind wrapped around an idea, 'She's absolutely right.'

But there would be more than enough time to berate myself later, and I turned to Matsuri.

"Sakura saying no is preventing you from going through with the surgery, right?"

"Mm." She hummed, "I've tried talking to her but—"

"No, there's no point." I shook my head, "I'm giving you my consent in her stead to perform it."

"What?" Matsuri didn't bother to hide the confusion in her voice, "Sasuke-san, you can't—"

"The law permits a woman to get an abortion with the consent of her mother or spouse." I interrupted, "Since this procedure is really being done to remove the fetus, it technically classifies as an abortion. I'm using my spousal authority to give you the go ahead."

Matsuri tilted her head to the side, mumbling to herself as she considered my words, "I…I guess it could work."

"Sasuke, are you sure about this?" Itachi questioned, his tone questioning and unconfident, "Sakura's not in the best head space and a decision like this won't help."

"It's either she does it or she dies, Nii-san." I reminded him, "I'd rather hear what she has to say while alive then let her die and never hear from her again."

Sighing, he nodded his head in agreement with my decision, "I just want the best for you. For the both of you."

"Me too." I shut my eyes, falling back into my seat as Matsuri went to schedule the operation, "Me too."

"And then Obito-ojisan took me on the Ferris wheel!" I could hear Sarada excitedly recounting her day to her mother as I approached the room, "But he wouldn't look when we were at the top because he was going to throw up!"

"Sarada-chan!" Obito exclaimed, "That was supposed to be a secret!"

Sarada laughed, and I felt the suffocating pressure around my heart slightly ease up as Sakura lightly chuckled. However, it would soon return because once I reached the door, I knocked on it to announce my presence and everyone turned to me.

While Sarada remained smiling, Sakura's mouth immediately firmed into a thin line. Obito caught this and after looking between the two of us, took Sarada's hand in his and told her that it was time to go.

"What?" Sarada whined, "But we've only been here for a couple minutes!"

"I know," Obito nodded sympathetically, glancing at Sakura again, "But Mama and Papa have some catching up to do, so let's give them some privacy, eh?"

Pouting but not disagreeing, Sarada gave me a hug as I approached, "Hurry up Papa, I wanna be with Mama too."

Nodding my head, I patted Sarada's back and promised her that I would try not to take too long. With a pat on my shoulder and a reassuring look, Obito led Sarada out of the room and shut the door behind them.

"Ohaiyo, Sakura." I greeted her awkwardly as I reached her side, "How are you feeling?"

Even without any words, the look on her face said more than enough, but I tried to move past it for conversation's sake.

"I spoke to Matsuri-sensei before I came here." I continued, handing her the apple and plastic knife that I'd snagged from the cafeteria, "You've passed all your post-op tests so as long as nothing new comes up, you'll be free to go in the next two days."

Sakura stared at the apple for a few seconds before her eyebrows slightly rose as something came to her mind, but she didn't share what had suddenly occurred to her and instead went on to slice the apple.

"And guess what? The operation will officially come to a close in two days too! So the two of us can head back to Konoha and…and heal." I hesitated towards the end as I tried to find the right words to describe what I wanted to occur once we were home.

At my hesitation, her hand faltered but once I'd finished speaking, she resumed her careful cutting of the apple, now going on to the slice the halves into miniature pieces.

Unsettled by her complete silence, I took a deep breath and went for a proper apology.

"Look, Sakura, I…gomennasai." I began, folding my hands behind my back, "You were right, okay? I should've gotten you that coffee, no matter how tired I was feeling. If I had, Kosuke would—maybe he'd still be here. Gomennasai."

She took a piece of tissue paper from the box on the stand beside her bed and gently laid the cut-up apple bits into it. With another piece of tissue, she wiped her hands before reaching out to me, and I sucked in a sharp breath before searching her eyes for any message.

Although her gaze was glassy and red-rimmed, she offered me a light smile that almost made me breakdown before indicating that what she wanted was my hand. I offered her my right and she opened it before placing the knife in my palm and folding my fingers over the handle.

Confused, I watched as she then wrapped her two hands around my own and smiled again. It wasn't until I felt her violently force my hand up and towards myself that I shook out of my dazed state and fought against her force.

"If you're really sorry then die." Sakura said, her smile growing as she put more strength into her hands, inching the knife closer to my chest, "Kill yourself like you killed my children, like you killed me."

Swallowing hard, I removed her hands from mine and dropped the knife onto the bed, "They were my children too."

She shook her head, "Kosuke was gone, but I had a second chance. They tried to trick me but I was going to protect this one, and then you—!"

"Sakura, you would've died!" I whispered, trying to plead with her, "You would've died, and the child would've gone with you!"

"Then you should've let it happen!" She exclaimed, "Now they're both gone, and I'm stuck here – alone!"

I took one of her hands in mine, "No, you're not alone. You hear me, Sakura? I'm here with you. And what about Sarada, huh? What would she do without you?"

Shaking her hand free, Sakura touched her face, "She doesn't need me. You don't need me. Nobody needed me but them, and you killed them…"

"Sakura—"

"You killed them." She said again with more force, dropping her hand from her face and picking up the knife, "So why don't you kill me?"

"W-What?" I questioned as she pressed the knife into my hand again, "Do you even know what you're saying?"

"You can do it." She craned her neck to the side, giving me more room for a clean cut, "You've dreamed of it for so long."

"Never." I insisted, setting the knife aside and holding Sakura's face in my hands, "I would never hurt you, Sakura. I love you."

She let out a shaky sigh, "If you truly loved me, you would do what I ask. Please, Sasuke-kun. You didn't get the coffee, you didn't let me keep my child…please, just kill me."

I shook my head, "I can't…!"

With a cry of frustration, Sakura pulled my hands down from her face and pushed me back. As I blinked away a few tears that had managed to well up in my eyes, I was almost too slow in catching Sakura grab the knife off the stand.

Thankfully, as she raised it to stab herself, I grabbed her wrist and restrained her, forcing her down into the bed

"Get off me!" She bawled as she struggled in my grasp, "Let me go! Let me die!"

"I won't…!" I said, my voice breaking as she continued to fight me, "I love you, Sakura. I love you. Please…"

"I HATE YOU!" She replied, howling uncontrollably as I squeezed the knife out of her hand, "Oh Kami, you killed them…WHY NOT ME?!"

The door slammed open, and I looked to the side to find the same nurses from last week in the doorway. Knowing how compromising of a position we were in, I quickly corrected their biases before they could pry me off of her.

"Please, help me!" I begged as they approached, "She's trying to kill herself!"

At this proclamation, their expressions shifted and one of them grabbed the knife from its spot on the bed beside us, and the nurse that had previously chewed me out lightly tapped my shoulder, indicating that I should let her go.

"But…" I let my protests trail off as I saw that all the other nurses had assumed the necessary positions to restrain her.

Nodding my head, I released my hold on her and got off the bed before watching as the other nurses surrounded her and began speaking to her in soothing tones.

"NO!" Sakura wailed, scratching her hand down her face, "I have nothing…! NOTHING!"

"Sakura—" I began but cut myself off as the nurse held a finger to her lips and motioned for me to step out of the room.

Once we were out in the hall, she shut the door and turned to me, and I immediately launched into an explanation.

"I wasn't trying to hurt her, I swear. She took the knife to stab herself so I—"

"I believe you." The nurse interrupted before pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing, "I believe you, but you can't go back in there with her. I'm sure you understand by now that your presence has a more negative than a positive effect on her."

Hanging my head in acceptance of the truth, I stood with the nurse as she paged Doctor Matsuri and once she arrived, I watched the two of them go into the room.

I dug my nails into my arm and willed myself to stay put as Sakura's screams grew louder. Eventually after only Kami knew how long, it went silent, and I straightened up as the door slowly opened and Matsuri stepped out.

"What's happened?" I immediately questioned once Matsuri shut the door behind her, "Can I see her?"

Matsuri shook her head, "Not anytime soon. Let's take this discussion back to my office."

Swallowing hard, I nodded and followed her lead.

Doctor Matsuri explained to me to that Sakura's current mental state wasn't just anger and sadness over her recent loss, but that deeper psychological issues were at play. I learned from her that when the nurses had exhausted all their talking options and been forced to sedate Sakura, just before Sakura fully lost consciousness she murmured three words.

"I loved them…"

When I asked Matsuri what those words meant in regard to her frame of mind, she clarified that Sakura was suffering from Acute Stress Disorder. Paired with the unavoidable postpartum depression from having been induced for Kosuke's birth, it was no wonder why her mind was in shambles.

"But what can I do?" I questioned once Matsuri was through with her descriptions.

"Honestly, nothing." She sighed before typing something into her computer, "Normally I would've prescribed her some antidepressants and sent her home with careful instructions, but because of how volatile she is, I think it'd be best if she spent some time in a mental hospital."

I blinked, "You want to send my wife to an insane asylum?"

Matsuri rolled her eyes, "That term is outdated and has a lot of prejudices. Contrary to popular belief, mental hospitals don't just house 'crazies.' Sakura-sensei will be watched over and protected there."

"From others or herself?" I wondered aloud.

"Both." Matsuri clapped her hands, "You two were supposed to be heading home in two days and technically you'll still be doing that. I've arranged for Sakura-sensei to be admitted to the Katsuyu Psychiatric Institute east of Konoha. It's twenty minutes outside of the city and more than equipped to take care of her."

As she finished speaking, her printer churned to life, and she stood up to grab whatever she had sent from her computer to the machine.

Pressing the piece of paper into my hand, she offered me a light smile, "Read this to learn a little bit about them, but rest assured Sasuke-san, I would never recommend something if it wasn't in her best interest."

I ended up going along with the plan to send her to the mental hospital, but Sakura would not agree to leave the hospital in Suna peacefully so after another tiring struggle, she was sedated again.

"Papa, what's wrong with Mama?" Sarada asked me innocently as I gently set Sakura down in the passenger seat and buckled her up.

"Mama is…" I hesitated and tried to think of the best way to explain things, "Very hurt from Kosuke and the…the surgery. She needs help and I can't give it to her."

"Hm." Sarada hummed thoughtfully before climbing into the back seat.

The ride back to Konoha was relatively quiet despite Sarada having entered her curious and thoughtful stage of childhood. It seemed that even she recognized the severity of the situation and opted not to add any unnecessary noise or clutter to my already stressed mind.

When we arrived at the mental hospital however, Sarada couldn't hold back any longer.

"Papa, where are we?" She questioned as I stepped down and went around the side of the car to grab Sakura, "And where are you taking Mama?"

As a sign of Matsuri's thoughtfulness, two of the hospital's staff were waiting outside with a gurney, and they immediately came to my side as I lifted Sakura out of her seat. Setting her down on the stretcher, I watched as they strapped her in and secured her. Once they were sure that she wouldn't suddenly fall off, they nodded their heads to me.

I placed a gentle hand by her side and pressed a kiss to her forehead before nodding for them to go ahead.

"Papa?" Sarada called again as they began to wheel Sakura away, and I turned to find her expectant look.

"Like I said before, Mama needs help." I sighed and offered her a light smile before getting back in the car, "This place will help her."

Sarada continued to stare out the window, watching them as they entered the building, "Oh. How long will she be here?"

"…I don't know." I answered my daughter truthfully, and she turned forward to face me, "But she'll only come out when she's better."

"I hope she comes back quick." She pouted, leaning her head against the door, and I nodded.

"Me too, Sarada. Me too."

Of course, Fate let our words go in one ear and out the other. Sakura wouldn't be released from the mental hospital until almost a full year later, and the time in between was painful to say the least.

With no real reason to stay home, I returned to work and having been promoted to Sergeant for my "impeccable performance" in Suna, I became swamped with the new responsibilities that came along with the title. As a result, I barely had time for Sarada and often left her with Sakura's mother, Mebuki for weeks on end.

It got to the point where Sarada was practically living with her grandmother and having no parental figure to pay attention to her made her attitude almost intolerable on the off days that I did manage to take some time to be with her.

During one particular outing in which I'd taken Sarada to the park, upon checking my watch and realizing how late it was becoming, I'd told Sarada it was time to go. Stubbornly, she refused to leave, and I was forced to drag her from the sand pit kicking and screaming.

"I don't wanna go…!" She whined as I unlocked the car and opened the back door with one hand, "No!"

She hit me with a somewhat strong kick to the face as she flailed around in the backseat, and I lost my temper for a moment.

"Sarada! Stop!" I yelled, grabbing her cheeks and forcing her to look me, "Just stop! It's late so we're going home, alright?!"

Sarada bit her quivering lower lip as tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, and soon enough she was crying.

"Papa, you meanie…!" She bawled, lifting her little fists to her eyes and rubbing, "You're just gonna leave me with *Obaa-chan again!"

Unable to deny the truth, I tried to make her understand why I couldn't take her back to our own house, "Sarada, I'm working. I can't just leave you at home by yourself."

Shaking her head, Sarada sniffled, "Mama's still not back and Papa's never there…I'm always by myself…!"

My heart broke, and as I blinked back tears to respond to her, she murmured, "I wish Mama was here…"

That broke the flood gates, and I shut my eyes as the tears slowly fell. Tugging Sarada close to me, I hugged her tight and let her know that I shared her sentiment.

"I wish Mama was here too…!" I whispered, patting my daughter on the back, "I miss her so much…!"

From that moment on, whenever I had free time, I did my best to spend it with Sarada. We would spend our time sharing what we missed about Sakura the most or recall some of our fondest memories with her.

It was a long ten months, but Sarada and I grew close with our shared ache for Sakura's presence. The day that Sakura would be released couldn't have come any quicker, and when it did, Sarada practically jumped for joy when I told her we would be going to pick her mother up.

On the way there, Sarada bounced around in the backseat, happily listing all the things she couldn't wait to do or say to her mother. I, on the other hand, was much more reserved. The call I'd received from the head of the institute had me at an impasse as to how I was supposed to face Sakura when we eventually met.

"Hi, is this Sergeant Uchiha Sasuke?" A male voice questioned on the other end of the phone.

"Yes, Uchiha Sasuke speaking." I answered with an imperceptible nod, "Who am I speaking with?"

"Hello Sir, I'm Doctor Urahara Baji, head of Katsuyu Psychiatric Institute and I'm calling to inform you of Sakura-sensei's complete rehabilitation."

I was speechless for a few seconds but quickly spoke to confirm the news, "That's—That's great. When can she come home?"

"You can come as soon as today if you'd like." Urahara informed me, "She's actually been stable for six days, today would make the seventh, which assures her recuperation."

I ran a hand through my hair as I glanced at the clock, "Okay, perfect. So, I'll be there in let's say half an hour?"

"Great but uh, before you hang up!" Urahara called my attention just as I lowered the phone to end the call, "I want to warn you about how you interact with her from now on. While I have no doubt that Sakura-sensei can keep track of her medicine, the medicine does show signs of waning when she is swamped with unnecessary stress as well as overt reminders of her trauma."

"I'm…I'm not sure I follow." I admitted honestly.

Urahara cleared his throat, "Let me put it this way; as her husband I'm sure you're aware of things Sakura-sensei does not like or is not fond of. I heavily advise you to make sure you don't accidentally cross certain lines when it comes to her boundaries, and I seriously suggest that you avoid talking about the loss of your child in any form. Should you do so, Sakura may regress to a very fickle state."

"I see." I nodded my head, "Thank you, Sensei. I'll be sure to keep this in mind."

"No problem." Urahara chuckled, "So, see you in 30!"

"There she is!" Sarada's yell brought me out of my thoughts, and I slowed down the car as we arrived at the hospital.

Sure enough, Sakura was sitting in the front with a hospital attendee standing by her side. The two were engaged in a light conversation by the looks of things, and I parked the car as close as possible before getting down and letting Sarada out. Before I could even give her a quick pep talk and explain to her what the head doctor had explained to me, she sprinted to her mother and jumped into her arms.

"Mama!" Sarada cried as wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and squeezed her, "Mama, Mama, Mama!"

Sakura's laughter was bright and vibrant, and as I approached, I grew more and more fearful of what her reaction would be upon seeing me. Would the scene from Suna replicate? Would the smile fall off her face, and would her eyes narrow with anger? I could do nothing but find out as I stepped into view and drew closer.

As Sakura and Sarada's laughter died down, Sakura looked up at me and her eyes slightly widened with an unreadable emotion. Carefully, Sakura set Sarada down before standing up and advancing towards me, and soon enough we were barely a hair's breadth away from each other.

My first instinct was to reach out and pull her into a hug, into a kiss, into a tight embrace, but I recalled Doctor Urahara's advice as well as how negatively Sakura had received my touch in Suna. Clutching my hands at my sides, I cleared my throat and tried for a smile.

"Hello." I greeted her clumsily.

"Hi." She replied shyly, glancing down before returning her eyes to mine.

We stood there for a moment as I thought of some reasonable conversation starters. What was the point in asking her how she was? And commenting about the nice weather would've been more than redundant at this point.

Thankfully, Sakura saved me from overthinking by quietly admitting, "I missed you. So much."

"I missed you too." I nodded slightly, my throat going dry as I recalled how terribly lonely I'd felt all this time, "More than you'll ever know."

Shaking her head, Sakura wiped under her eyes before any tears could properly build up and laughed quietly. I joined her with a soft chuckle and caught her eyes dart down to my lips again.

'Should I do it?' I wondered, reading the obvious signals from her, 'She seems like she wants me to.'

But that little voice in the back of my mind wouldn't free me from the possible drawbacks. What if kissing her sent her back down the rabbit hole? How long would it take for her to come back?

'No.' I mentally shook my head, stepping back, 'I can't risk it.'

Sakura's face reflected her hurt as she recognized my refusal to comply with her silent request, and she lowered her eyes to the ground.

After speaking to the attendee and making sure that Sakura was free to go, the three of us began our walk back to the car. Sarada prevented things from getting awkward by capturing her mother's attention with tales from school as well as her general opinion about things she had seen or heard.

It was when we got to the car that our earlier stiffness returned, but as I started the car and put it into gear, Sakura gently took one of my hands in hers and brought it to her lap. I twitched and tried to pull away, but Sakura clasped my hand tighter and gave me a pleading look.

With a silent sigh, I relaxed and left my hand in her grasp.

'I guess it's fine if she initiates it.' I figured, keeping my eyes on the road.

Since it was a particularly hot day, we stopped to get some ice cream before heading home for good. Sarada asked for a Cookies n' Crème cup, and Sakura opted for a medium-sized vanilla bowl, insisting that we share.

As I drove, Sakura would take some spoons before offering me a portion, and each time I opened my mouth to receive a share, I felt myself unwind a bit more. By the time we were home, I was chuckling and laughing at Sarada's nonsensical questions alongside Sakura.

While Sarada got down from the car and raced ahead to the front door, Sakura and I remained in the car for a bit. I carefully watched as Sakura lifted a hand to my chin before swiping her thumb across my lips and bringing the somewhat soiled finger back to her mouth.

After licking her thumb, she gave me a knowing look and rasped, "You had a little something there."

It took everything in me to resist her temptations, and I offered her a light smile before leaving the car. As I joined Sarada on the steps and went to unlock the front door, I made a mental note to call Doctor Urahara for more clarification on how I was to interact with Sakura from now on.

'Better safe than sorry.' I thought as I unlocked the door and let Sarada run in, 'I can't mess this up.'

*Obaa-chan is an endearing, little kid term for grandma

The first few months after Sakura's return were pretty uneventful and as normal as one would expect. Although I'd more than managed to understand what work required of me, I couldn't do much about the long hours I was assigned. As a result, my interactions with Sakura were limited to simple greetings and filler talk about how my day at work had been.

On the weekends when I was free, I did my best to sit with Sakura and feel her out every day as Doctor Urahara had advised me, taking note of when she was significantly less happy and writing it down. It was during one particular weekend that I learned of her desire to go back to work.

The two of us hadn't really spoken about her career but it went without saying that Sakura couldn't remain at home forever, not with the bills we had to pay, as well as the somewhat important position she had left vacant for more than a year now.

"So they're making you take a test?" I questioned as I cracked a beer open and sat down beside her.

Sakura nodded her head, bookmarking the page she was on before setting the book aside. I glanced down at it just to catch the title, Clinical Anatomy: Examination & Board Review.

"What for?" I went on, taking a swig from the cold can and leaning back.

"Medicine's always changing." She explained with a light shrug, joining me in leaning back, "Some of the things I would've recommended back then might not fly now, so they want to see if I've been keeping up with the times."

I hummed and tilted my head to the side, "And how are you feeling? About the test, I mean. Any concerns?"

Sakura smiled and patted my thigh, "I've never been more prepared for anything in my life."

"That's good." I laughed, rubbing my eyes, "As expected of my wife."

She shifted so that she was closer to me and I gulped as her face leaned towards mine. A kiss right now would be fine, right? After all, it had been months and she hadn't shown any signs of cracking or stress…holding back would just be plain spiteful at this point.

I repeated this and similar sentiments in my mind as I shut my eyes and tried to go with the flow, but that little voice in the back of my head wouldn't let me hope. I was reminded of all the things Sakura had said to me a year ago.

"Get off of me! I hate you!"

"I never want to see you again."

"You don't have the right to touch me."

We hadn't discussed any of her words to me in the past, and there really was no need to. After all, she had been completely right; it was my fault that Kosuke died, and although there really was no other option, I had given Matsuri the go ahead to perform the ectopic surgery on Sakura.

Biting my lower lip, I turned away from Sakura after becoming swaddled with self-hatred.

"…Sasuke-kun, do you hate me?" Sakura's quiet voice questioned, forcing my eyes open as I turned to her.

For a second, despair gripped me as I feared that my rejection of her had undoubtedly reverted her to her unstable form, but instead I found her with slightly wet eyes and a quivering lip.

"Of course not." I immediately replied, urging her with my voice not to cry, "I could never…why would you say that?"

"It's just—You haven't touched me or kissed me since I came back, so I thought that…" Sakura shook her head and wiped under her eyes, "Gomen, it was a dumb question."

Telling myself to stop hanging on to the past, I took Sakura's face in my hands and kissed her, "It wasn't dumb. You're right, I haven't been touching you but it's not because I hate you. I love you, Sakura. More than words can describe."

Sakura quietly whined when I resumed the kiss, and I slipped my hand to the back of her head and cradled her as I pushed my tongue against her lips. When she gave me entrance, I wasted no time in exploring the wet cavern that was her mouth, and soon enough Sakura was pushing at my chest and panting for air as we separated.

"I love you." I assured her as I lowered her onto the couch and kissed down her jaw towards her neck, "I'll always love you."

My hands began to roam her body and I played with the stiff peaks that were her nipples before slipping my hand under her shorts, into her underwear, and brushing against her core. Sakura threw her head back before gasping and I realized that it had truly been ages since I'd last heard her cries as she reached her highest points.

With new motivations, I rubbed my fingers against her soaking lower lips before pressing them against her entrance, teasing her with insertion, and Sakura whimpered.

"S-Sasuke-kun, we—the bed!" Sakura squeaked just as the tips of my fingers breached her, "Let's go to the bed…!"

Although my desire her for was boiling the blood in my veins, I was collected enough to remember that we were in the living room and that traumatizing Sarada with a scene of her parent's intimacy would undoubtedly create more problems than our little sexcapade might've fixed.

I hooked my arms under Sakura's legs and lifted her up bridal style before heading upstairs to our room. Sakura took one hand to open the door and that was all I needed, as I kicked it shut behind us before setting her down in the middle of the bed and caging her with my body.

I was on her like there was no tomorrow, and she had no qualms about going along with the sudden frenzy I was in. We kissed and I licked, sucked, and bit all over her body for only Kami knew how long, but we never lost our momentum.

It was only as I freed my length from my boxers and pressed it against her that Sakura stiffened. I noticed it but it didn't register in my mind as well as it should've, and with a few tormenting swipes, I surged forward and entered her.

She groaned as I presumably hit a certain spot within her, driving as far as I could and only drawing back when I felt I could go no further. I drove into her hard and slow, and Sakura mewled before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me down on top of her. This closeness paired with the raggedness of her breath against my ear as well as the pounding of my heart, spurred me to pick up the pace, and soon enough I was giving short animalistic grunts with each thrust.

Sakura's nails dug into my skin, and it was as she clawed down my back in what I thought was ecstasy that I felt a familiar pulse in my lower region: I was close.

Slipping one of my hands in between us, I recklessly thumbed Sakura's swollen clit until she sucked in a particularly sharp breath and arched her back into me as she shook from her orgasm. Satisfied that she had gotten off before me, I rammed into Sakura a few more times, slowing down with each thrust before I emptied myself inside her.

Shutting my eyes, I groaned as her walls clamped and constricted around me, milking me for all I was worth. It was only when her heat had somewhat relaxed and released me that I pulled out and sat up, Sakura's limp arms easily falling to her sides.

As I sat up and tried to catch my breath from what I would remember as one of the greatest orgasms I'd ever experienced, I caught Sakura's hands slowly come together as she clasped them to her chest. She turned over on her side and buried her head into the sheets, and that was when I realized that something was wrong.

"Sakura…?" I called her name uncertainly as I touched her shoulder, and my stomach dropped as she shrugged me off.

"…touch me." She said, her voice muffled by her positioning.

Although I knew there was only one thing she could've said, I asked her to repeat herself in hopes that what I was imaging was wrong. Unfortunately, it wasn't.

"Don't touch me." She repeated, freeing her mouth from the sheets so her voice was unrestricted.

"I don't…I don't understand." I admitted, clearing my throat, "Did I do something wrong?"

"Did you do something wrong?" Sakura echoed, laughing before turning to me, "No, not at all. You only came inside without my permission, nothing too serious."

I swallowed hard, "Gomen, I didn't—I wouldn't have done it if I knew it would upset you. I just thought—"

"What? That I was away for so long, I wouldn't mind being a broodmare when I got back?" She chuckled sardonically, "Over my dead body."

At the mention of dead bodies, I straightened up and shook my head, "Don't say that. I—It was an accident, I won't do it again, okay?"

"Of course you won't." She nodded, sitting up and sliding off the bed, "Because you are never going to touch me again."

"Sakura…"

"I mean it." She continued, heading for the bathroom, "Why should I let you anywhere near me? So you can get me pregnant just to kill my child again? I'm many things, Sasuke-kun, but I'm not a masochist."

Feeling the burn from that statement, I lowered my head, "Gomennasai, Sakura. I wouldn't…I won't ever let anything happen to you or our children ever again. I swear."

"Promises, promises~!" Sakura sang, turning on the hot water and seemingly getting in the shower, "I don't want to hear it. And I don't want you in this room by the time I'm done cleaning up."

I opened my mouth to rebuttal that last part, to argue about how it didn't make sense to kick me out of a room we shared, but as I recalled how violent Sakura could become, I thought against it and quickly clothed myself before leaving the room.

I would later find out that Sakura had, in a moment of absent mindedness, neglected to take her medication for a day. The consequences were astounding, but what shocked me even more was the eventual transformation to the calm Sakura the next day.

At first I thought that Sakura was doing her best to move past her outburst in hopes of returning things to normal but the more I spoke with her, the clearer it became that Sakura had no recollection of what she'd said or how she'd acted. This stumped me.

On the one hand, I was happy at the prospect of her not really meaning anything in her dark moments, but on the other hand I understood that I wasn't completely off the hook. Whether Sakura remembered or not, there still remained a chance for my actions to set her off. If I wanted to go even further, that little voice in my head never let a chance pass to remind me that some part of Sakura had to agree with what she said in her disagreeable moments, but that was a rabbit hole I tried not to fall down.

I debated calling Doctor Urahara about it and ultimately decided not to, figuring that dealing with this would require going along with the first piece of advice he had given me, which was to watch my movement and words around her. So, as hard as it was, I did just that. When Sakura and I were alone, I minced my words. If she went in for a hug, I never let it last for more than a few seconds, and when she kissed me, I never fed into the gesture; I couldn't.

Not with the overarching fear of turning her at the slightest whisper or touch, not when she was still so unpredictable. And as fate would have it, things would only get worse with her.

After multiple meetings with Tsunade for some friendly checkups, Tsunade recommended that Sakura go for a psychological evaluation. Doctor Inuzuka Hana, who would later go on to become Sakura's psychiatrist, found her unfit to return to work. Needless to say, Sakura was devastated, and no amount of pleading with Hana would get her to change her mind.

"Gomennasai, Sakura-san but you are not okay." Hana shook her head, "I can't honestly say I'd feel confident with you back at work."

Sakura was dejected for a long time, but despite her momentary depression at having had her going back to work be postponed, she continued to take her medicine and keep up with her therapeutic appointments. Although Sakura had long since been trying to get better for my…for our family's sake, it was clear that the loss of her beloved profession was the absolute worst outcome, and it drove her to try her best.

Five years went by without much incident, and although we lacked intimacy, I had reached somewhat of a middle ground when it came to interacting with Sakura, never spending too much or too little time with her. Since she was busy doing everything she could to prove herself mentally sound, I didn't have to worry about out of the blue kisses as much.

That is, until that fateful Saturday in August of 2011. It was somewhat of a rainy afternoon and after making and eating some chicken noodle soup, Sarada had retired to her room for a nap. I was nodding off on the living room couch when Sakura entered the house quite noisily, which tipped me off that all wasn't okay.

As the door shut behind her and she shuffled around by the front, I snapped out of the sleep taking over me at the sound of her sniffling.

"Sakura?" I called her name with concern as I joined her, "What's wrong?"

She turned to me with tears in her eyes and stepped forward to receive a hug, but I wasn't so out of it that I would forget the boundaries I had raised for her sake. This time, however, my reluctance to hug her worsened her mood, and she began to audibly cry.

"S-So it's true?" She blubbered, raising her hands to her face, "You really can't forgive me?"

"…What?" I wondered, not bothering to hide my confusion, "Forgive you for what?"

"Kosuke!" She exclaimed, bursting into tears, "I killed him and you won't forgive me!"

"What?!" This time the word was said with outrage as I wrapped my head around her words, "That's not—who's telling you this?!"

Sakura's breath hitched as she shook her head and stared at the space beside me, "She…"

"She?" I questioned, trying to grasp at the little straws she was laying out for me, "Who? Inuzuka-sensei?"

I made a mental reminder to call Inuzuka later on and give her a piece of my mind if this was the kind of rhetoric she was preaching to my wife, but it quickly became apparent that Inuzuka was not the source of such negative suggestions.

Sakura's attention to the space beside me unnerved me, to the point where I found myself glancing at it, as if someone was actually there. Just as I had finished blinking and making sure that there was in fact, no one there, Sakura pulled me to her and into a kiss.

Without wasting time, I swiftly pulled back and kept my arms out to prevent her from closing the gap again.

"Sakura, you can't just do that." I told her in as level of a voice as I could muster.

"Because you hate me…!" She wept, clutching my arms tightly, "Please, Sasuke-kun, I'll do anything, so please…! Please forgive me!"

I rapidly blinked to keep from crying as I separated us, and kept quiet, not knowing what the right response would be. Crying was a normal reaction when someone was upset but considering how Sakura's hurt more often than not turned to aggravation, I didn't feel comfortable using soothing words only to have it blow up in my face.

"I can't do this." I whispered as I left her and escaped to the bathroom.

Sakura followed behind me in tears, and even with the bathroom door between us, she leaned against it and continued her apologies.

"Gomennasai, Sasuke-kun…" She whimpered quietly, "Gomennasai, gomennasai, gomennasai…"

Shutting my eyes, I took a seat on the toilet and hung my head. I couldn't tell you how long I was there for, but when I finally came out, Sakura wasn't waiting for me. I found her in our room, fast asleep with dried tear streaks running down her cheeks. Although I wanted to wet my thumb and wipe them away, I recalled how she'd vehemently rejected my touches in her worst moments and held back.

With a silent sigh, I grabbed an extra pillow from the bed before heading back downstairs to the living room. As I set the pillow down on the sofa and tried to find a comfortable position, I had a feeling this wouldn't be the last time I would seek refuge on this couch.

Days, turned to weeks, which turned to months, and with each passing hour, I became more comfortable with an alternate method of interacting with Sakura. Although it hurt me to do so, whenever she got strangely emotional, my best bet was to react with anger or irritation. It made her weep and cry, but she never showed any signs of turning violent.

I became so accustomed to pretending to be angry or bothered with her presence that at some point, it became second nature for me to respond to her curtly or without any care. But no matter how straight faced I remained in her tears, it was in my own private times that I shed all my tears of frustration.

I wanted to kiss my wife, hug her, make her love to her from sunrise to sunset, and yet I couldn't. Even when she came back from therapy with a note from Inuzuka saying that she had completed all her mental exercises and was now of a sound mind, I held myself back.

All I seemed to be good for was making Sakura feel bad about herself, and I would not risk giving in to my lust just to undo all the progress she had made. Of course, this silent vow I made would be tested at least once every week.

"Sasuke-kun…" Sakura quietly called my name, sliding a hand in between my legs and palming my length, "I want you…"

Shutting my eyes and quickly repeating calming mantras to prevent an erection from growing, I sighed, "Sakura, I can't. I'm tired."

"Please?" She begged, undoing my belt with one hand and popping the button on my jeans, "I want to—I need to feel you inside me…"

I grabbed her wrist before she could touch me bare handed and hardened my voice, "What part of 'I'm tired' do you not understand?"

I stood up off the bed before I could catch the hurt growing on her face, and after redoing my pants, I grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed.

"Wait, Sasuke-kun, please." Sakura grabbed my hand, her voice cracking, "Gomennasai, I'll—we don't need to do anything. Please, just, don't leave me."

While I did prefer sleeping beside Sakura to sleeping on the couch, a pang in my length let me know that would not be the best choice this time around. If I were to remain in close proximity to her, it would only be a matter of time before my arousal showed.

Unable to think of any response that might soften the blow, I simply wrenched my hand free from Sakura's grip and continued out of the room.

"Sas—" Sakura was cut off by me slamming the door shut, and I quickly thumped down the stairs before entering the living room.

Setting the pillow down, I crashed onto the couch and bit my lip as I recalled Sakura's sultry voice and the feel of her hand through my jeans.

'Enough.' I scolded myself for beginning to fantasize about what could've happened, 'You still haven't learned? You don't have the right.'

"You don't have the right…" I murmured to myself before closing my eyes and trying to sleep.