Chapter Eighteen
Ed was hungry. That wasn't anything new for the young man who often found his appetite unquenchable. What was new was his companion who was sitting behind him with her own tray that overflowed with almost all of the items from the buffet table.
Ed wore a goofy smile on his face as he chewed his way through another mouthful of hamburger, gravy, and chicken leg combination. May did the same, but she worked through the more sensible assortment of greens she had selected. She and her sisters had decided to cut back on fried foods and microwavables now that they were fortunate enough to have a more varied selection. That didn't mean she had to limit the amount of salad she consumed, a fact that was emphasized by the loaded down fork she shoved in her mouth. She savored the crunchy leafy greens having opted out of smothering them with dressing but instead favored a barer bones approach to her lunch.
"Sure is good, huh May?" Ed asked after he swallowed. The action of which perplexed the occupants of the cafeteria unfortunate enough to witness the horrors of Ed eating.
"Yeah!" she agreed with an eager nod.
The duo fell into silence again as they ate. This caused May to begin to worry as her mind began to run through a litany of uncomfortable thoughts. What was she doing? Why was she here? And for that matter why was he here? The two of them had talked less today than they would during a movie, and even then, their conversations were accented with long pauses as they watched the screen. Now that she was closer to Ed, she didn't even know what to say to him. That brief insecurity was blossoming into an all out fear as she stared down at her plate but paid no attention to its contents. Her mind was racing off the tracks like a freight train and as her breathing increased it plowed closer and closer to the inevitable crash. But the raging inferno of her mind was dashed out in an instant as she felt a hand on her shoulder.
She looked over at Ed who had stopped eating and stared at her with a concerned expression. "Is something wrong?" he asked. A small bead of gravy trailed from the corner of his mouth forcing a smile to form on her face.
She wore that smile as she searched his eyes. Sure, he wasn't the smartest. Sure, he wasn't the cleanest. Sure, he could get carried away at the sight of a gravy boat. But she had never met someone as caring and as easy to forgive as he was. He was kind and would do anything for the people he cared about. That was a trait she had only seen in her sisters. It was something she valued having grown with it in short supply. Ed cared about her, and she cared about him, and as she stared into his eyes and the smile on her face grew tenfold, she knew that that caring emotion ran far deeper than an innocent friendship no matter how far she ran with the charade.
She knew she could talk to him. She knew that she could confide in him these fears that were welling in her mind. Maybe he wouldn't give the most informed or philosophical of advice, but he would listen, and he would do everything he could to help. She knew that. So, she took a breath and readied herself to tell him.
"It's just…I really like you." she started, finding it unbearable to meet his gaze anymore as she found the surface of the table the only thing she could look at. "And I've really wanted to be able to talk to you and stuff for a long time. To be…friends." She sighed.
"We are friends, silly!" he beamed.
"I know, but it's just…" she took a few seconds to organize her thoughts and how best to put them to words, "I want to be able to talk to you. About anything. But sometimes I can't make the words come out. It's like they're there but won't come out…"
"Cat's got your tongue?"
"Yeah…"
She continued to study the table, the ground below her seat, and anything within eyeshot that wasn't Ed. She heard him pick up his fork and for the briefest of moments, she thought that maybe her fears had fallen on deaf ears. That he didn't care. But she was happy to hear him speak, "Do you like cats?" he asked in his usual carefree tone of voice.
She couldn't help but shoot her eyes up at the boy sitting next to her in surprise. He deposited another load of slop into his mouth and chewed.
"I don't know. We never really had one." she replied, unsure about the sudden change of subject.
"Me neither. But I bet they're soft and cuddly."
"One time we saw a stray at the trailer park back home. But we couldn't get it to do anything but run and hide from us." She recalled the memory of her and her sisters spending an entire day planning on how to get the cat to love them.
"Sometimes people can be scary." Ed nodded.
"Yeah…" she trailed off again. A strange sadness settled into her gut.
"But sometimes the people you think are scary are really nice and sweet." He added with another gravy dripping smirk.
She looked up at him, at his grin, and into his eyes and she felt that sadness began to dissipate. "And sometimes they're just as afraid as you are."
"Uh-huh!" he agreed.
There was another pause in their conversation as May retrieved her fork and went back to work on the salad in front of her that would make a goat pause. An easy smile worked its way onto her lips.
"Do you like chickens?" Ed asked causing her to snort with laughter. She had fallen out of the boat and panicked, but Ed had tossed her a life preserver and pulled her back in. She had no reason to fear talking to someone as easy going and kind as he was. It was the kind of reaction that you could only get from Ed, and she loved that about him.
Eddy was doubled over and panting as droplets of sweat fell from his forehead and splattered on the concrete walkway under his feet. Damn, he was out of shape. Not that he ever was in any semblance of shape to begin with. His habitual ingestion of junk food and soda combined with his disdain for manual labor were the primary contributors to that, and as he fought the urge to throw up, he asked himself the same question he had asked several times already. Why the hell was he doing this?
He felt a familiar slender hand clasp his back as he wheezed. "Jesus, are you that outta shape?" Lee asked. Her tone bordered on humorous, but Eddy knew better. The physical contact alone signified that she cared, and in an instant, he was reminded of his reasoning for his current activity, even though it had placed itself well beyond the border of painful.
He forced himself to straighten his back and stand to his full height. But even then, she still stood a head taller than him, and she was wearing flat bottomed shoes.
"Nah, I'm fine!" he lied as he plastered a grin across his face, "Just a little winded is all. Thought we could both use a break."
She cocked a coy grin at his obvious attempt at machismo. He really was the same ol' Eddy, even after all these years. "Sure. Whateva you say, tough guy." she said as she handed him her water bottle.
He swiped it out of her grasp and started gulping down mouthfuls. She had to admit that he was doing better than she had first expected when he agreed to accompany her on her daily jogs after class. In their youth, he had always impressed her with his surprising speed. Despite his short legs and chubby body, he had always managed to outrun both her and her sisters. But his endurance is what lacked the most. In short bursts, he often summoned the ability to power through and show off impressive feats of athleticism, but that could only ever be maintained for seconds. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or just his sheer stubbornness powered will that propelled him forward. Regardless, the site in front of her was pathetic.
He gulped down the water in between heavy breaths. His chest heaved as he did so and whenever they made eye contact, he would flash her a sheepish smile and attempt to downplay his condition.
"C'mon, sailor. Let's find someplace ta sit down." She said as she took his free hand in hers and pulled him along behind her. The term dead weight had never before been quite so literal.
"What? Can't go anymore?" he asked. Punctuating each word with hardy swallows of air.
"Sure, I'm the one that we should be worried about." she muttered, more to herself than anyone else as she turned and pushed him down against the base of a tree. He slid down to the ground without a complaint and took the final swig of the water before discarding the empty bottle on the ground beside him.
She sighed and shook her head, "You're unbelievable. Ya know that?"
"One of a kind, babe." he grinned. His breathing had started to balance out and she made sure to make a mental note to retrieve the bottle and scold him for littering, but now wasn't the time for that. She plopped down next to him.
The two of them sat just off the main walkway that intersected the quad. It was late evening, and the sun was beginning to retire for the night. It was still cold, but winter was in its death throes and soon the days would be warming up and spring would start to take hold.
This was a fact Lee was happy about. Having grown up in a trailer that held heat like a cardboard box would do that to a person. Of course, upon further thought, it kept the heat out just as effectively, so summers weren't any better. But after more than a few months of frigid temperatures and snow, she was ready for some fun and sun.
She didn't realize that she had placed her head on his shoulder resting her burdens on him, and he hadn't realized that he had wrapped an arm around her that pulled her in closer. She loved this. Even though neither of them knew what the hell they were doing or what they even were at this point, that didn't matter. She craved moments like this, and she had been for so long. Moments where they could both let their walls down and be themselves around each other. Like they had so long ago.
She broke the comfortable silence when she spoke, "We should do somethin' for Spring Break."
"Yeah?" he acknowledged.
"Go somewhere, do somethin'. Me 'n you. Yer boys 'n my sisters. I mean winter break was fun and all but…let's do somethin' this time."
"What's free?" he asked prompting a laugh from her. Yes, the more things changed the more they stayed the same.
"I don't know, but we should come up with somethin'. Could be fun. Besides we could all use a break."
"That's true." he sighed, "All this serious school stuff is gonna give me an ulcer, and I think Sockhead might blow a gasket if he makes another B. Guy needs to relax. Live a little."
"Shit I know the feelin'. Havin' ta keep up with my grades and make sure my sisters aren't slackin' off is like havin' two full time jobs."
"Yawn!" Eddy vocalized his boredom. "I'm here for two things, hot babes and good times." This earned him a shape elbow in his side from Lee. "I wasn't finished!" he cried out, "I already got the hottest babe around, so now's time to have some fun. Kick back, ya know?"
"Sheesh you're such a romantic." she left it at that. The less they talked about or put words to what they were, the better for both of them. This was new to them, and no matter how much they would deny it, it scared them. But as she rested her head against him, with his arm around her, under a tree as they watched the sun descend behind the buildings around campus with both wearing smiles, she wasn't scared. She was happy.
Double D sat with his head in his hands at his usual spot at the table outside the campus café. His two closest compatriots did not join him and all he had to keep him company was the lone cup of coffee that had whisps of steam trailing out of the mouth hole. That and the hurricane of thoughts that wailed through his mind.
It had been some time since his dream encounter with Marie, and he still struggled to come to terms with it. A part of him realized that this was natural and had resulted from a natural progression of their relationship. The two of them had grown closer since becoming roommates and of course, seeing each other and talking to each other, and spending more time together had paved the way for a friendship. He liked her and valued her company, a fact that he never would have believed if he had been told only a year ago, and she was an attractive member of the fairer sex. What he was going through was natural.
However, even his logical and scientific mind was falling for the pitfalls of infatuation. Hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, picking up on the little things like how she would chew on the eraser of her pencil when she thought her way through a more challenging problem on her homework or how she would hum the tune to a rock song as she got ready in the mornings when she would muster the strength to drag herself out of bed. It was absurd, but he kept finding himself more and more interested in every facet that was Marie Kanker.
He shook his head in an attempt to dispel the thoughts that circulated and brewed within his mind. What was he doing? What was he thinking? This was Marie Kanker.! The girl that chased him around Peach Creek when he was a kid. The girl that tormented both he and his friends throughout their youths. The girl that had the beautiful smile and silky blue hair that framed her face so well and made her look like his wildest dreams come true.
He shook himself out of thoughts once again. This was worse than he thought. At the offset, he thought he would get over these emotions if he left them unaddressed and spent less time around her. The second part was almost impossible because they shared a room, and did homework together, and sometimes they would get coffee together before class. But even in moments away from her, he found his mind drifting to thoughts of the blue haired beauty and the dream he had. He found himself missing her.
He knew at that point his course of action had the same effect as trying to save a sinking ship with a bucket, so he relented. He found himself sitting at the table he frequented, alone, sipping a cup of coffee, and having less and less faith in his ability to think his way out of this.
He let out another sigh and leaned back in his chair, after taking a few moments to stare at the sky he reached for his cup and took another sip. He had to think of this logically, it was that simple. Sure, there were a number of issues and more than a few variables. But this was a simple problem, like any other, and the solution would tell him what he should do about the new feelings.
If he looked at it without personal biases and processed it from an outside perspective, he could and would come to far better outcomes than sitting and wallowing in his own conundrums. He was, after all, a man of science, and people of science have a process to get them out of problems. This was the same. More or less.
The cons, as it were: she was Marie Kanker, and the two of them couldn't be more different. She was loud, ferocious, intimidating, and intense (qualities he was not). She expressed her emotions in exaggerated demonstrations be it hitting someone who upset her or kissing someone who she fancied, she liked things that are as abrasive as her. Rock music, dying her hair, punk fashion.
And the pros: she was endearing, her passion is admirable, and she cared for those close to her and would do anything within her power to help them, her power was immense. She was beautiful on the outside, and the more attention he paid, the more he believed she was the same on the inside past her walls. She was fragile, artistic, and someone who he wanted to help, and of course, she was Marie Kanker.
He had to admit that if they did cultivate a relationship, it would be easy. All his friends knew her and once the initial shock wore off it wouldn't affect any dynamics or challenge any friendships. After all, the only person he could think of that would make a fuss over it was Eddy, and he himself was dating a Kanker. Plus, she lived nearby, and he didn't have a car so that was a major factor he couldn't ignore.
While this problem was difficult and proved to be a little harder than his initial thought process would have led him to believe, one thought kept circling his mind like an airplane buzzing around a giant monster attacking a busy city. She was Marie Kanker. A girl who, all things considered, was surprising, unpredictable, and of course, exciting. Thinking about her alone was enough to bring a smile to his face. Once he hit that nail on the head, he knew his answer. He knew that he needed to embrace these feelings, gauge the water a little, maybe dip his toe in and test her reactions. If this was something he wanted to commit himself to, then he had to do it with everything he had because she would only do the same. But more observation was required before he proceeded to the next stage.
With a final gulp of coffee, he stood and tossed it in the nearest recycling bin and made his way back to the dorm. He was now a man on a mission, and nothing could stop Double D's curious mind when it started running.