Summary: Garen and Lux go to the movies to watch the newest action flick Bandle City has to offer. Omega Squad 5, the Ionian Cartel. Rated M for depictions of gore, violence and generally yordles being yordles..
"Stop dillydallying, brother. The movie is starting!" Luxanna Crownguard, the usually bubbly and talkative Lady of Luminosity can barely contain her excitement as she picks a seat around the middle of the crowded movie theater room and tosses a few popcorn into her mouth.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Garen rushes to reply, the Demacian juggernaut panting and wheezing from a few rows of seats above as the gargantuan warrior attempts to navigate the narrow pathways between the comfy red chairs and Luxanna's current position. Shushing and annoyed glares being flung towards the poor guy from every direction, the music of the opening titles already audible from the dark room's speakers.
"I can't understand why you would choose to watch this movie instead of 'Demacia 3, the Reckoning…" Finally huffs Garen whilst seating next to his sister and proceeding to wipe the sweat off his glistering brows. Sometimes he really wondered why he kept wearing his armor outside of the Rift, but then Garen always dismissed such thoughts. After all, Noxian scumbags could be hiding anywhere. Underneath his cushion for example or behind the big bright screen, between the seat rows, the innocent civilians or behind the irritable guy behind him that kept yelling at him to hunch so he could actually watch the movie. A hard glare later by the huge juggernaut and that last distraction frantically flees the building. The Noxian spies were getting wimpier and wimpier in Garen's opinion.
"Because I don't want to watch King Jarvan's latest trash-fest about honor, virtue and people screaming 'Demaciaaa!' every couple of seconds! I want to watch a normal action flick for once that doesn't involve the fleeting concept of justice."
"Well, we could always see-" Garen opens his mouth with a quick retort, but Lux is already shaking her head at him knowingly.
"Nope, I'm not watching 'The Night Hunter Rising' either. I have already seen it and I am currently waiting for the sequel. Now shush, Gar."
The Demacian warrior pouts, but complies with his younger sister's wishes once more. The brave soldier's eyes grudgingly move towards the shifting titles.
'A Bandle City Studios' Production' announces a blooming tulip in the midst of a gory battlefield, small letters somehow etched against the flower's fragile petals.
'Teemo Mushroom' Declares another caption as the tulip is torn away by a sudden and violent explosion.
'Caitlyn Remington' The flower petals landing against the corpses of numerous human husks.
'Shauna Vayne' The scattered petals quickly dissolve into nothingness.
Garen blinks after spotting the name of one of his colleagues in the titles of the fifth Omega Squad movie, but absentmindedly brushes it off upon pondering that perhaps that had something to do with this diversity thing that the Might of Demacia kept hearing about.
'Directed by Steven Spellburger' The camera is then turned towards a depressing grey sky.
'Written by Kled Affleck' The camera moves only to show that the sky is in fact a burnt battlefield that was bombed into misty smithereens.
'Produced by Ziggs 'Tiny' Dynamite' The last display is that of smoke rising from the shattered earth below. The screen then turns dark with a dramatic sound.
0000
There is a small nondescript village located at a rural area near a large green forest. Rickety huts and dusty old building constitute the majority of this rundown settlement, plumes of lazy grey smoke sluggishly escaping from the village's pathetic chimneys. The scene is one that talks of inaction, dullness and normalcy at first glance, the undertones of the music score also tepid, nearly nonexistent.
Contrary to popular belief, however, the residents of the small rural village aren't asleep behind cold window panes and weathered from the elements wooden shutters. The residents' boots aren't set by the side of their beds and house entrances, gardening and farming tools resting inside the tiny tool sheds built in their back gardens. It was actually humorous really, that what should for all intents and purposes been nothing more than another boring village made up of sheep shepherds, animal breeders and farmers apparently lacked people knowledgeable in those tasks. Then again, such a thing should have perhaps been quite obvious to the casual observer especially after spotting the majority of the farmers moving with such amazingly odd discipline, their footsteps so purposeful and certain as the residents gathered around the village's square.
And if one were to just take the time to more closely observe the tanned stoic faces of those peculiar shepherds and cultivators, they would discover the rage boiling behind their determined razor-sharp eyes. And if perhaps one were to strain their ears they might recognize the telling clinking of military hardware hidden in the faded folds of their oddly pristine, civilian clothes.
The disguised soldiers grumble and conceal a few yawns as they gather around the cages placed at the very center of the village's square. Cold eyes shooting the cage's occupants hateful glares, others merely ignoring them as they go about doing their businesses. Only few of the soldiers present actually pause to survey the neglected prisoners staring at them from between the rusted iron bard and even fewer pay attention to their sunken pleading eyes and haggard dirt-coated faces. Yordles weren't considered as living individuals at that lawless part of Ionia after all, but merely goods that could readily be exchanged for some easy coin with the Zaunite scientists or be sold as exotic pets for the rich folk of Piltover. And now that the Invasion of Ionia by Noxus had officially ended and the deserters of both armies were striving to find their own place in this crooked and sad world, the Yordle and Vastayan slave trading business was blooming as never before.
The sleepy murmurs and clumsy waves of the heinous slave traders are cut off in an instant as the imposing silhouette of a middle-aged man slowly emerges from one of the filthy derelict buildings. The man's face is partially hidden by a short brown beard that also hides a few of his less grievous scars, the dark green beret perched on his head instantly appointing him as somebody important.
The men guarding the yordle cages stiffen and correct their relaxed postures at once, some of them tightening their grips around their guns and rifles, as if that would actually help them in case they were to incur the wrath of the villainous man. Gangplank blatantly ignores them as he fixedly stares at the precious cargo cowering inside the miniature cells, a cruel smile dancing on his lips upon locking eyes with a particularly startled emaciated yordle.
"Yer feeling like bein' a hero, little man?" The cruel commander challenges with a timbre as hard as steel and the black-hearted ruffian merely snorts in disgust when the scared yordle retreats farther into its tiny cage.
"Bah!" Gangplank makes a sound between amusement and disgust before turning around to face his men. "Prepare the shipment for transport, boys. The Zaunite vessel will be at the port in ah' couple of hours or so."
Quick nods and frightful salutes are thrown around as the heinous yordle traffickers start checking their weapons for damage and packing supplies for the short trip to the port. Scarred men and women hardened in the despicable fires of a meaningless war rounding up the yordles with grim apathetic visages and harsh shoves at their backs, tying the short creatures' wrists with bloodstained ropes with threats of violence. The whole ordeal doesn't take long and a few moments later a soldier approaches Gangplank with the nervous swift strides of a man forced to do something he would clearly rather not.
"The goods are ready for transporting, Commander!" The man salutes and the heinous leader of the smugglers merely grants in acknowledgement while checking the magazine of his modified pistol.
"Then why are ya wasting my time instead of sending the yordles on a march, eh?"
The frightened soldier quickly bows down his head in apology. "I'm sorry, Sir! Right away, Sir!" The deathly pale man hastily replies before his brains are scattered across the village's square in a nearly silent explosion of blood and gore. It takes all but a second for the villainous slave traders to realize what's happening. To ask themselves why the Commander's gun isn't visibly smoking.
"Intruders!" Some of the traffickers yell as they dive to the ground or search for cover behind their rundown shacks. Silent gunshots claiming lives even as the alarmed bandits cock their pistols and slam full magazines into their rifles, all the while attempting to identify the location of the concealed sniper.
/
"Target at eleven o'clock. Right behind the yordle cage." Utters the short camouflaged man, his high-pitched voice slightly reverberating inside his hi-tech helmet.
The only reply the short yordle receives is the crack of a muffled gunshot from right next to him. Caitlyn pauses, pulls back the bolt of her sniper rifle in order to release the spent cartridge and then lets it slide back in its place alongside another intact round.
"Target neutralized." The brunette sniper informs her spotter in a calm neutral tone.
"Another one's on the window of the third building on your right. Second floor." The sniper rifle cracks once more and a soldier's head explodes, his body collapsing next to the prone form of his panicked comrade. Caitlyn gets rid of the second trafficker before the frightened slaver has the time to get up and jump off the balcony.
"We have been spotted!" Teemo informs Caitlyn seconds before the two's position is abruptly pelted by a barrage of ricocheting bullets. Twigs and leaves rain down on the two Squad members as Caitlyn and Teemo begin crawling behind a bluff for cover.
"The distraction was successful, Alpha Squad. Initiate protocol Battering Ram while we circle around the settlement and regroup with you when we lose our tails."
There is an unsettling silence in the comms, the ringing of gunshots and loud yelling the only noises engulfing the once quiet settlement. Rapid footsteps and human screams echoing from behind the nearby tree line when a group of unfortunate smugglers accidentally stumble upon Teemo's and Caitlyn's respective traps.
"Alpha Squad, do you read me?" Caitlyn and Teemo remain visibly unaffected when another enemy soldier steps on a hidden mine dooming the already wounded soldiers that were sobbing around him in pain. The ensuing explosion scatters more blood and bone fragments around the stained tree barks.
"Loud and clear, Omega Squad." A high-pitched cheery voice then crackles from the radio. "The Battering Ram is already on the way."
Teemo smirks behind the cover of his helmet. The short furry man dexterously reloading his blowgun while hastily glancing at the bloody remains of his fallen enemies. "Copy that, Alpha Squad. Let's get this show on the road!"
Caitlyn spares the short spotter a sideway glance before sighing and also reloading her sniper rifle.
"I miss being partners with Vi…" The former Sheriff bitterly mutters.
/
"They are trapped behind the tree line! Pin them down! Don't let them escape!" Gangplank bellows at the top of his lungs as he slides another magazine into his empty pistol and fires another quick shot against the splintering tree barks.
The slavers seem content in doing just that, screaming threats and obscenities while unloading their entire magazines against the general direction of the trees and the forest. A few poorly thrown grenades, courtesy of their loyal Zaunite customers being reckless launched towards the small thicket, spraying the hills down below with patches of torn soil and chipped pieces of wood.
"Cease fire! That's enough, boys!" Gangplank voice rises over the cacophony of discharging weapons and splintering tree barks when no signs of life appear from behind the ruined thicket after the last grenade explosion. "Ammo ain't cheap and there is no use wasting it on ah' couple fresh corpses. Somebody go check on their bodies, and finish them off if they are still alive."
A few soldiers nod, holster their rifles and are about to follow the cruel man's orders when the rundown wall of a wooden house behind the bandits suddenly shatters. Through the rain of wooden splinters and the rattling of falling gun cases hitting the floor the slavers are treated with the most bizarre sight of their lives. A bald man as tall and wide as a mountain equipped with a bulletproof shied akin to a metal door is hastily charging at them behind the clattering debris, the bandits' bullets harmlessly bouncing off his colossal shield.
The men then notice the two lunatics hiding behind the enormous man and take note of their crazy and utterly unnerving smiles.
"Blast 'em!" Bellows Tristana from her perch on Braum's left shoulder pad while firing her deadly shots above the great metal barrier. Her weapon's explosive ammo already wreaking havoc on the unlawful residents of the small rural village.
"Aim, then shoot, Aim, then shoot." Endlessly mumbles Twitch as he sprays magazine after magazine of corrosive bullets against the window panes and dirty walls of the old buildings located around the village's little square. Screams of pure agony emanating from the gaping mouths of his unlucky victims whenever one of the Plague Rat's numerous shots actually hits an enemy soldier.
"Just who the hell are these guys!" Snarls Gangplank with hate thick in his tone when he and his merry band of wrongdoers are forced to go on the defensive once more, diving behind bullet-riddled tool shacks, garbage bins or racing towards silent, seemingly deserted houses alike.
"Battering Ram's breached the Castle." States Braum as he shield-bashes one of Gangplank's men and then presses a button on the back of his shield, coating the giant moving barrier with lashing tongues of flickering electricity.
"Roger that, Alpha Squad. Sharp-eye and I are booby-trapping the enemy's escape routes before regrouping. ETA, three minutes at most. Keep them busy, soldier."
Braum rams into an unfortunate slaver with his tazer-shield, electrocuting the heinous man to unconsciousness before his body is even knocked airborne. The giant Freljordian then continues his stoic march towards the yordle cages. Meanwhile Twitch and Tristana are having the time of their lives bombarding the enemy forces with a barrage of explosive shots, bullets, acid, grenades and harsh taunts in what could only be categorized as legit Crazytalk.
"I hear you're trash! Bow before your king!" *Bang *Bang *Bang
"Winners don't duck!" *Loud explosion*
"Stand still! My eyes are on the side of my head!" *Rat-ta-ta-ta!
"I dare you to dare me!" *Launched missile sound*
*Bang "Ohoho, that's gonna fester!"
The huge Freljordian pauses, rolls his eyes at the bizarre spectacle taking place before him and then sighs against his microphone.
"That actually won't be a problem, Sir…"
"Enough!" Gangplank screams in complete outrage as he fires a few more shots at Braum and his obviously insane companions. "This farce ends now!' The fierce slaver declares whilst grabbing a detonator from his coat's pocket. His thumb then descends on the bright red button and Braum has only enough time to throw Tristana and Twitch away from the rigged barrels hidden half-way underneath the dirt before the enormous Freljordian Juggernaut is engulfed in a sea of shrapnel and roaring fire.
The whole village quakes due to the mighty explosion, screams of pain and surprise flooding Omega Squad's communication channel as Caitlyn and Teemo rush towards their screaming comrades.
/
When Teemo and Caitlyn arrive at the scene the battlefield looks like the aftermath of a meteor shower. Limbs burnt and twisted are scattered across the village's square, blackened dead bodies splayed alongside the burning buildings' walls like grotesque flowerbeds waiting to be watered. The iron yordle cages and the tiny furry creatures that were once trapped within them have all but disappeared now. Caitlyn's breath hitches in her throat when the battle-hardened sniper and newest member of the two yordle squads spots a malformed hunk of metal sticking out from amongst the piles of charred flesh. Braum's broken shield being distinguishable even now when it is less than half its initial size and scorching hot from the hungry fires of the blazing explosion.
Teemo remains still as if petrified on his two legs, the Swift Scout's expression hidden under the grim visage of his combat helmet. Wide unbelieving eyes obscured by the advanced optics of the same reinforced mask-helmet.
"Twitch! Twitch, can you hear me! You need to hang in there, buddy! Help's on the way!" Tristana's voice somehow filters between the haze of Teemo's anger, loss and immense bloodlust.
No it is not. The masked yordle's brain reminds him. Cold optics move to take in the sight of Tristana kneeling before another dying member of the original Omega Squad. Twitch's face has partially melted off, his gas mask is missing. The hot air of the explosion has probably burnt the inside of the big rodent's lungs too, judging by Twitch's desperate choking. Caitlyn is at once by Tristana' side, hastily kneeling next to Twitch, examining the extent of the Plague Rat's wounds even as those same wounds are without a doubt visibly lethal.
"Heh, heh, heh. Just look at that. Yordles and humans working together for a common cause. You guys sicken me, you do! Argh!" A gruff pained voice all but croaks out from the nearest pile of dead bodies, the one that was the furthest away from the epicenter of the violent explosion. Gangplank pushes away the charred bodies of his comrades in order to reveal a grinning bloodstained face, the atrocious Commander's trusty pistol still held on a scorched, burnt hand, the other one being busy clutching at a wound in his stomach. Caitlyn's rifle is aimed at the enemy Commander's head at once. Tristana chokes back a sob when Twitch loudly expires with a few dry wheezes and a muffled croak.
"I guess you won, either way, yer' furry rats." Gangplank continues as he spits a mouthful of blood at the corpses of his former men and then tosses away his empty pistol. "Come on then, heroes. Take me in for questioning. Put me on a trial now that there is nobody left to testify against me! My lawyers will be more than happy to deal with you stinking-"
There are sounds all around the burning battlefield. Caitlyn's swift footsteps as she approaches the grinning bearded man with a pair of handcuffs held in her shaking hand, Tristana's sobbing as she clutches Twitch's body against her chest and wails towards the smoky sky. The crackling of burning wood and the sizzling of fire whenever the rampant flames meet the puddles of spilt lifeblood pooling across the settlement's square.
Funnily enough Teemo can't hear a thing as he points the barrel of his blowgun at the smug face of the grinning smuggler and then lowers it, shooting Gangplank right in the liver. The sound of Gangplank' body hitting the ground is deafening, however. Even more so than Caitlyn yelling for the scout to stop as Teemo continues shooting at the screaming leader of the slavers again and again, until the brunette sniper finally manages to reach him and take away his weapon.
"WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING DO THAT!?" Screams the Piltovian sharpshooter as she glares at the silent yordle in anger.
Caitlyn slaps Teemo, the yordle's mask torn from his head by the sheer force of the markswoman's slap in combination with the awkward angle of the unexpected blow. Faded sky blue eyes meeting those of the former Sheriff, staring into Caitlyn's brown ones even as tears keep cascading down Teemo's emotionless furry visage.
"Because he killed my friends," Teemo simply answers in a soft hollow voice that's in utterly contrast to the flood of tears running down his little fuzzy cheekbones. "He killed my friends, so I killed him. It is that simple."
The Piltovian woman's anger is instantly washed away and Caitlyn can only watch in guilty silence as Teemo silently retrieves his helmet and then walks towards Tristana and Twitch. Moments before he reaches them, Caitlyn grabs the scout's left arm and spins him pulling him into a tight embrace.
"Braum and Twitch were also my friends, Teemo." The brunette woman whispers amidst the crackling of burning houses and ashen dreams. "Don't think for a second that I would have let that man go after what he did to them."
The emotionless spotter slowly swallows.
"Then why aren't you angry?" Teemo whispers against the brunette sharpshooter's chest. "Why didn't you shoot him first before I could, why don't you want to make him suffer like I do!"
"Because that's not who I'm, Teemo." Caitlyn softly replies at the furious yordle. "And deep down inside I know that that isn't who you are either, even if you do make me doubt it sometimes."
Teemo remains silent however, and Caitlyn sighs giving the shoulder of her comrade one last squeeze before releasing him to appease Tristana. The scout remains still even then, standing amongst the corpses of both his friends and treacherous foes. Two furry hands clutching at his helmet, sky blue pupils reflecting the fire of the bombed village square. Ears ringing with the thunders of a thousand explosions. Of his friends' death cries.
"The war never ends, the battlefield just changes." Teemo's voice narrates even as the Swift Scout himself doesn't talk and just stares off at the flames burning the secluded rural village as if deeply in thought. Caitlyn and Tristana being nothing more than blurry silhouettes somewhere in the background.
"Reinforcements ain't comin'." A furry hand touches a button and Teemo's body starts merging with the rest of the battlefield, seemingly disappearing from existence.
A few minutes later, Caitlyn has finally managed to calm down Tristana and raises her head in order to search for her second remaining comrade with her eyes, only to notice her partner's sudden absence.
"I've done things I'm not proud of." Teemo's voice continues as the camera moves farther and farther away from Tristana and Caitlyn and the burning sea of corpses.
"You'd be surprised how quick fur ignites." As if on cue a burning building collapses from the fire near the village's edge.
"Tall folk don't last long round here." The camera catches the glimmer of Braum's shattered shield.
"Survival ain't pretty." We catch a glimpse of Caitlyn dragging Tristana away from Twitch's corpse with hot tears running down the kind brunette's visage when Tris refuses to abandon Twitch and attempts to return back to the side of her dead comrade.
"I used to live by a code." The invisible yordle mutters to itself and for a second we are treated to an image of another occupied slaver settlement and soldiers armed with Zaunite guns and riffles. The image then flickers showing the same settlement but riddled with the yordle traffickers' dismantled dead bodies.
"Nobody's innocent anymore." Teemo grows as the scene of the first burning village slowly disappears and the End Credits start rolling down.
/
"Wow!" Luxanna Crownguard breathlessly exclaims as she finally relaxes in her seat. "That was awesome! The movie is probably going to get an Ornnscar, right brother?"
Garen merely turns his face away from his sister trying to hide the tears welling up in his misty eyes. "It was alright, I guess… Not as cool as Demacia or swords and justice, but decent, just decent enough to be watchable." The Might of Demacia sniffles faintly.
"Mhmm.." Lux hums mischievously while smiling knowingly as she hands Garen a clean handkerchief and politely looks away from her easily moved sibling.
"Where was Vayne, though? Wasn't she in the movie's credits?" Garen asks while wiping a few tears off his eyes. More to change the subject of the ongoing conversation with his sister about him liking something that wasn't made in Demacia and less because he was actually interested in Luxanna's answer.
"Trying to catch me on camera is like boxing with shadows.." A feminine voice lowly whispers against Garen's ear making the huge Juggernaut yelp and fall from his cushion.
"Sword-dammit, Vayne!" Garen bellows from the ground.
Writer's notes: I suddenly wanted to write something packed with action like an action movie and that's how this oneshot started. On one hand I am disappointed because I had to repeat the word 'explosion' so much. But then I remind myself that action war movies are just a cluster of splintering wood, explosions, tossed grenades and missed bullets and I feel a little better. It also helps that Ziggs was the producer, or at least that's my best excuse.
I had a lot of fun writing this oneshot and there were so many endings and extra scenes that I initially thought of including before the story started tiring me out and I had to axe it. Some examples:
Teemo and company save the yordles or at least one of the yordle children survives Gangplank's trap. Teemo handles the kid a pistol and tells his to punish Gp for the death of his mother, telling the child to find justice by itself and that there were no heroes in this world to do it in its place. The screen goes black and then we hear a single gunshot. Later on, Caitlyn is talking about the fate of the rescued yordle children and wondering about which orphanage they will be sent to. Teemo replies that those aren't orphans, but new recruits for Omega Squad and that the child that shot Gangplank is his very promising protégé.
Or: The movie ends and Garen is giddy about how awesome the movie was. He turns toward Lux to voice his thoughts only to find Omega Squad Teemo pretending to be his sister with a blonde wig placed above his helmet. "Target acquired," Teemo mutters as a black hood is placed on Garen's head before the Demacian can react and the military yordles' kidnap him for unknown reasons.
Or: The same thing happens and when Garen turns to face his sister he hears her yelling "Eww! You're not Ezzy!" Teemo wore a blonde wig and pretended to be Ezreal in the dark in order to make out with Lux while Garen was watching the movie.
Or: After Garen watches the movie and the hellish battlefields that Teemo 'has definetly' fought in, he forgets his hate for the yordle he is sick and tired of encountering at top lane and goes to hug a very confused and startled Teemo. A beautiful friendship is born.
...And then Teemo stabs him. Well, maybe.