I need You but they say I'll never Know You

by BlackSwan130702

Muggle-born Hermione never had reason to question who she was, until she entered the magical world. through lies, deceit and manipulations comes a startling truth. Throw in a veela mate who is as possessive as she is beautiful then Hermione is in for the ride of her life. Longer summary inside. (fleur,Hermione) (Bellatrix, Marlene)

9. Morning Reflections and Longings

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~ Location: Room of requirement, Hogwarts ~

~ April 6th 1996 ~

~ Hermione's POV ~

Waking up in Fleur Delacour's arms felt a little like finding peace for the brunette. She could feel the blondes body pressed into her back tightly, her arms wrapped around Hermione's waist protectively and she could feel the warm breath of the woman blowing softly against her neck where the blondes head was tucked. It was the quietest her magic had been in months, it was still there, still as powerful but rather than the turmoil and anger she had been experiencing lately, particularly when she was around either idiotic boy or Albus. It pulsed gently, almost lazily.

It was quiet, content and relaxed and it allowed the younger witch to feel as if she could finally take a breath easily. One not fought down through gritted teeth. She thought back to last nights conversation. To the Vela's ferocity in making sure Hermione knew she was her mate, that she would not let her hide from that anymore. Truthfully it was a relief, there was a large part of her that had deliberately avoided the older witch out of fear and uncertainty. Would her mate want her? Would she be bitter or disappointed at having her as a mate? Would her mate shun her for her parentage like Harry and Ron seemed too? How did she even go about telling her mate of the bond they shared and what it meant for her?

Fleurs admission, statement, demand really had taken all those questions that had been churning in the back burner of her mind and squashed her fears completely. Some might say that she had latched on too quickly to this woman as hers, that things between them were moving to quickly if they were already falling asleep in each others arms, if she were already relying on the blonde so heavily to keep her grounded. Though any that would claim such a thing would obviously have no clue as to just whom either witch was. Her own curse and Fleurs vela would demand that they came together quickly. Such was the reality of sharing a soulmate bond with someone.

Underneath the tranquillity of the morning, Hermione allowed herself to take stock of everything that had happened calmly. Before allowing her mind to ponder on all that was to come. If she were a lesser witch she would say she was terrified of the up coming war she knew to be inevitable. But she wasn't. Surprisingly she was rather calm about it. True there was danger, she could die, they all could but she had spent far too long acting the helpless little muggleborn whose only redeeming quality was her smarts.

She was a witch, a powerful one at that. Descending from a long and powerful line of witches and wizards. A family that prided themselves on their traditions, magical and intellectual ability and she wouldn't sit idly by anymore while Albus bloody Dumbledore manipulated her life and played a game of child soldiers. She already knew she had the ability to assert her influence when needed. Rita Skeeter being the prime example.

That witch had been insufferable, always printing lies and spewing tales in the daily prophet, usually something vile and derogatively inclined when it came to speaking of Hermione Granger. The witch at first had target her for bad press. Accusing her of being some money grabbing whore with loose morals, throwing herself at every champion after she was captured hugging Harry when the boy had demanded she be seen doing so. Apparently he wanted the world to see just how loved he was, just how much attention he would get and she had no doubt Albus was behind it now that she thought about it.

That disgrace was always behind the unpleasantness in her life.

It had taken a while but eventually she had discovered the awful woman was an unregistered animagus giving her all the ammunition she required to blackmail the woman into completely avoiding mentioning or referencing anything about her. It had worked. So well there hadn't been a word uttered of her name since she made the threat.

So no, she wouldn't tolerate anything less than the respect she deserved anymore. She would stick within her mama's expectations of her. She wouldn't reveal how she really felt, nor would she let slip she had willingly let her mama enter her mind gleaming all information she wanted from her. But she had to start doing something, she could guise it as self care, tell Harry and Ron that there would be boundaries going forward. She could stop pampering to their every demand and stand up for herself subtly.

Because something had to give, she could continue to play the dutiful muggle-born friend of Harry Potter and still have her own space. Her own space to feel and actually get to know her mate. Still close enough to Potter to get the information her mama expected from her and also limit just how unbearable being near anyone in this darn castle was too her.

She sighed, snuggling herself further back into her mates arms. She would need to be careful of course but she could manage it and if Fleur was truly siding with her then they could also get information from the order to feed back to her mama. She hoped doing so would make her parents proud, that her mama would be proud and she would do anything to get this all over as quickly as possible so she could join her family.

She wondered what a world with the Dark Lord leading would look like, she knew the war wasn't about blood purity like Albus wanted them to believe, but the 'dark' still despised mudbloods for the decimation of their traditions, would a world under the dark lords regime prosecute mudbloods, ban them from magic or would they be identified earlier? Taught better? She believed completely in what the supposed dark were fighting for. She believed it to be needed, that they needed to fight back against those that would see their traditions over run with prejudices and their magic weakened. But she didn't necessarily believe that every mudblood needed to die. She had plenty ideas, ideas that she would like to explore but was wary of investing in her ideas without being able to speak with the Dark Lord.

And yes she actually wanted to speak to the Dark lord. She wanted to know the man her parents chose to follow refusing to believe he was some mindless power hungry monster like Dumbledore had painted him to be. She felt far too much for her mothers to believe that they would follow someone whose only goal was power and mindless slaughter. No. Both her mothers were intelligent women, they followed him for a reason, respected him enough to willingly pledge themselves to his service and therefore she wanted to meet him for herself. She wanted to see why her parents followed him and refused to let Albus make her think any less of him or her parents with his manipulations.

"Good morning my mate" Fleur whispered, tightening her arms around Hermione and the brunette felt the Vela's breath gently tickling the back of her ear. Rather than verbally respond Hermione turned round in the blondes arms and pressed an affectionate kiss against the older witches nose. Smiling at her in content.

Fleurs chuckle sounded like music as she brushed her nose against hers. "How did you sleep Hermione? She breathed quietly and Hermione smiled wider. Having slept better that night than she had in recent months.

"I slept well Fleur, you?" She asked lightly before frowning slightly as a question filtered into her mind of something she hadn't thought of until this moment hearing her vela speak so gently yet fluently.

"I slept well ma petite lionne, though what has you frowning so early?" Because of course her mate would know instantly something was wrong.

"I just, well it has only just occurred to me. All last year and the past few weeks of you being here at Hogwarts you've spoken with a heavy French accent. Yet yesterday as soon as we were in here, you dropped it, you speak better English than many English witches or wizards here" she responded and she saw the understanding filter through her mates eyes as she picked up on the curiosity in Hermione's tone.

"It is rather simple love, I've grown up learning several languages as is a must for the future leader of the world's vela clans. English is as easy for me as French or Spanish is. I don't let on though. It's much easier to blend in as the pretty French vela girl than it is to let anyone know the truth. First thing we are taught as we enter school at beaubaxtons is it is always better to be underestimated. It is why we vela are so secretive and not much is known about us. Perhaps dear old Albus wouldn't be so keen to have me be your keeper if he knew just how powerful I truly am no?" She replied easily and Hermione couldn't help but laugh loudly. Both seeing and understanding the logic of her mates statement for the clever deceit it was.

"How very Slytherin of you" the younger witch eventually managed to say, calming slightly only to laugh harder at Fleurs mock look of indignation.

"No my mate not Slytherin at all, merely the vela in me I assure you. It is what I do not understand about Hogwarts. Sorting you into houses based on the strongest personality traits of an eleven year old. An eleven year old is a babe, how narrow minded must one be to simply believe that if at eleven, you show a greater inclination to pride than you do to bravery that you will always be so. Children grow and change exceptionally fast. Why limit said growth by putting children in boxes that condition them to certain world views." Hermione watched her mate in fascination as she spoke. The little witches mind hanging of her mates words. Wholeheartedly agreeing.

"See that's what I have always thought. I was meant to be in Slytherin. The sorting hat almost revealed my blood status when it was placed on my head. But something, I presume a spell or enchantment placed upon it by Albus, stopped it, making it declare Gryffindor with no explanation. Though truly I believe it only adds to prejudice. It makes you wonder who really decided who went in what house? Why is it muggleborn are never placed in Slytherin? Why is it only ever supposedly 'light sided' pureblood children placed in Gryffindor or Hufflepuff? It makes no sense yet your house decides your expectations for the rest of your life" Hermione replied seeing Fleur smile at her proudly.

She blushed under the blondes look, though nuzzled into her witch when she reached forward to tuck an errant strand of curls behind her ear. "And that my mate is why you are the brightest witch of the age" the vela whispered warmly making her blush a deeper shade of red.

The pair spent the next hour simply enjoying the sense of safety and belonging they had created together. Speaking of all they knew of both sides of the war. Fleur reaffirming that she would follow Hermione in whatever decision she made, telling the brunette that her place was beside her and her loyalty would always be to Hermione first and foremost. It soothed the brunette. Knowing she had an ally, it made her feel safer to know fleur would always be on her side. Especially while she was trapped under Albus Dumbledore's thumb.

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"And where do you think you're off to mione?" Harry hissed grabbing her arm rather painfully as she made to walk away.

They were standing in the middle of Hogsmead village. She had spent most of the past week unable to slip away from either boy. They had followed her no matter where she had gone. Constantly hounding her and demanding help on assignments they had due. As per expectation she had done them with little fuss for the most part. She hadn't made a fuss, feeling exceptionally better having had the opportunity the weekend before to let lose with Fleur. Something she was grateful for because she knew if her mate had not cornered her that day she would have exploded in anger and frustration by now. Especially seeing as yet again she had ended up in detention with Umbridge yesterday.

Her hand still throbbed painfully and alongside the lingering anxiety about meeting her mama, which she had to go do now, and the stress of being forced to spend so much time with the boys this week, Hermione could feel her magic surging and pulsing angrily yet again. The last thing she needed right now was to be unable to get away from Harry and Ron. Not only would that anger her mama but it would also put her loyalties into question and she wasn't sure she would be able to remain calm enough to keep pretending if she missed the opportunity to see her mama.

"I need to go to the book shops, they might have a book there to help us figure out what Dumbledore needs us to search for and then I want to get some of my work done Harry so I can help you and Ron during the week" she replied, forcing herself to sound calm and polite, even as her magic thrummed furiously in indignation at having to pander to such idiotic little boys. She had to fight her own want to rip her arms away from his filthy little hands and hex him. Such was the turmoil of her current mood.

She had noticed lately that the angrier she was the darker her thoughts became. Luckily for her, like now, Fleur was never far away and she knew if it was not for the blonde wrapping her own magic around hers that she may very well have lashed out at just how much of a simpering idiot she had to act. Harry released her arm, smirking mockingly at her in victory. Obviously far to dense to see just how much she despised him, believing her words at face value.

No doubt he believed she would never go against him in any way, so sure of his own importance. "Sounds good mione, good thinking but Dumbledore said we weren't to leave you alone, wouldn't do for your mummy dearest to come find you all on your own. She might attempt to finish the job she started and prune you from her oh so pure tree, tainted as you are" He replied snidely, grinning at the visible wince she couldn't quite hide in time. Putting on a mock look of sympathy as he patted her injured hand as if to say "there, there". Obviously thinking she winced because she was afraid his words would come true and not that she had truly winced at the stupidity of his words and just how much her mother would have taken pleasure in harming the boy if she heard him say what he just had because how dare he insult a Black in such a way.

Not that she would say that.

"Eet iz alright 'arry I vill keep an eye on ze witch Oui? Just you and mister Weasley go do vat you need to" Fleur cut in, thankfully saving her from having to reply in anyway. Relief washing through her as Fleur's arm settled around her shoulder and guided her away from the two infuriating boys without giving them time to respond in any way.

"Thank you" she whispered, still seething and unable to trust her own ability to remain calm.

"It's no problem love, now go see your mama I'll wait here for you and we can vent some of that anger once we return to Hogwarts" the blonde replied, her voice just as quiet as she pressed a quick kiss to Hermione's forehead and pulled her in for a brief hug.

Hermione returned the hug, taking a moment to breath in the comfort of her mate before turning and heading up the narrow path that lead to the shrieking shack. It was ten to ten, meaning she would be slightly early but as always with Hermione she much preferred being early to something as opposed to late. She found it tardy and rather disrespectful, so avoided being late whenever she could. The shack was in darkness as she approached, the weathered brown wood looked like it was being held together with thread, the roof had a large looking hole in the far corner and the stairs leading to the door creaked and groaned in protest as she ascended them, slipping into the equally as creaky wooden door at the top.

She took a moment with her back pressed firmly against the door to take in her surroundings. Blinking in shock at the stark contrast between the shacks interior and exterior. Where outside looked gloomy and uninviting, the inside was the opposite in every sense of the word.

The room was warm, a fire crackled gently in the fireplace that sat against the middle far side of the room. There were multiple black fabric sofa's either side of the fire and a large high backed arm chair in the same colour. Beside that was a small wooden side table adorned with a fresh looking jug of water with two glasses. There were various tables and bean bags scattered off in the corners of the room and a large green rug between the sofa's. It made the room look welcoming, yet elegant and it soothed her a little as she took it in.

What startled her the most though was the witch that sat on the large sofa that faced the door beside the fire. Her mama was here already. Her wild dark mane looked a lot healthier than it had the last time she had seen her. Her mama had been beautiful then but now? Now she looked healthier, her frame no longer as thin looking, a healthy glow to her pale skin and she sat calmly, quietly. Her face turned away from her, watching the fire and Hermione was awed by the way the firelight flickered against her mama's skin, making it glow softly.

"Hermione" her mama's voice was quiet, a little warmer than it was last night and the brunette took a hesitant step forward as the older witch turned to look at her. Fighting the anxiety that swelled within her at being back in this woman's presence. The one woman who had the ability to make or break her heart because she desperately, desperately wanted her mama's love and affection.

"I won't bite child of mine, come here, let me see you" the older witch demanded and Hermione tensed expecting the words to be harsh, not the much gentler tone they were actually spoken in. She took in a deep breath and moved forward, coming to a stop in front of her mama. Letting the fire light highlight her as the woman in front of her scrutinised her face. Reaching out a hand as she stood to, cupping Hermione's cheek and as Hermione turned her face into her mama's palm, soaking in just how amazing it felt to feel this close to her mama, she missed the startled look of surprise and warmth that swan into Bellatrix's eyes.

"You look like your mother, you have her nose, but you also look every bit like me. The Black genes run deep in you" her mama spoke softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm a mix of you both mama, mother said I have the best of both you and her combined, though I do wish I were taller" she smiled gently up at her mama. Not at all sure just what had prompted her mama's demeanour change since the last and first time they met.

"I think she is right ma petite fille, you are the best of us both. It is strange how now that I know you are mine my heart aches with pride. To know I not only have an Heir, but a daughter. It is a gift I rather believed I would never have" Bellatrix whispered, looking away from her child.

"Now, our lord wants you to continue spying for now. You are to go back to those filthy muggles at the beginning of the summer holidays. I will retrieve you and deal with the filth then. You will reside at Malfoy Manor with myself and your aunt and cousin. I can train you better there. We will have further instruction for you then. Do you understand girl?" Her mothers voice firmed, gone was the gentleness of a few seconds ago. Her voice again containing a harsher edge, colder than she ever wished to hear directed at her and Hermione winced to hear it. The hand on her cheek that had once been a gentle caress now harsh as her mama gripped her chin.

Her heart shattering and she had to clench her fists tightly against the tears that wanted to slip past her eye line. Something she did not want to show. Considering she desperately wanted her mama's approval. She didn't want to disappoint her mama further by showing weakness and crying.

"I asked if you understood?" Her mama asked, her voice taking on the same eerily mocking tone she had used in the ministry.

"Yes mama, I understand" she replied, trying to keep her tone even and failing dramatically.

"Good, now what is going on at the school?" Bellatrix released her face and sat back down all at once.

Not wanting to upset her mama, or bring any sort of ire her way Hermione explained all that had happened since the ministry. Leaving nothing out, letting her anger take front, squashing the rejection and upset she felt at her mama's behaviour. Though as she began to recount that mornings conversation with Harry God damn Potter she felt her magic begin to swirl and pulse angry, stronger than it had ever been and she knew it was because of the deep hurt she felt over her mama. The pain of that had added fuel to an already blazing inferno and she was struggling to reign it back in.

Her vision was going a little hazy, her breath short, ragged and uneven as she tried to contain her magic through the anger.

With a startled gasp Hermione felt herself be pinned, her hands grasped and pulled above her head and a soft warm body cocoon her against the wall behind her.

"Focus on me baby" the words were whispered gently and so warmly that it cut her pulsing anger off abruptly, her head snapping up to look at the dark haired woman who had her pinned. Her eyes landing on the understanding twins of her own that belonged to her mama.

"Breath" she heard, whispered into her ear as her hands were released and her mama's arms wrapped around her tightly. Pulling the brunette into a grounding embrace. Her head tucked into her mama's neck, her cheek tickled by onyx curls and her nose filled with the scent of pine and firewood. Soothing and strong, steady like the woman's heart beat beneath her head.

"That's it, good my girl, you're doing good, keep going, that's it" the words of praise and encouragement were murmured repeatedly as she was held and Hermione couldn't help but listen, clinging to her mama tightly, letting herself be comforted by this woman who she was sure was about to give her whiplash with how quickly her tone changed towards her.

It was like as soon as her mama realised Hermione was being pulled into her anger, recognising the affects of the family curse on her child, in the heavy pulsing and swirling of Hermione's magic the woman melted, dropping any pretence or wall between them at the realisation that she needed her. Needed her mama. Because she did. Merlin knew she did. She needed her mama, needed to know her mama actually wanted her, loved her, that she wasn't just another tool to be used and manipulated like she had experienced all her life. She needed to know she was wanted, safe. That her mama wouldn't abandon her if she didn't live up to expectation.

"Oh Hermione" and as she finally managed to look at her mama she could see the far too knowing eyes shine back at her with unshed tears of her own and fuck, she hadn't raised her shields, hadn't protected her mind from a natural leglimens, her mama was known for her skill at reading peoples minds without them ever knowing and she hadn't protected her mind. She froze, her blood running cold in fear as she began to panic about how weak her thoughts made her, how desperate she must seem. She was meant to be a Black not a pathetic little girl, unable to control her emotions and Morgana what if...

"Hermione enough!!" Her racing thoughts were cut off, brought abruptly to a stop as her mama grabbed her chin again, this time much more gently than before. Forcing eye contact as she sat down on the sofa again, pulling Hermione down to rest sideways on her lap.

"I... I am sorry Hermione, I am not good at being vulnerable nor open with how I feel. But I cannot stand here and watch my child, my baby, my little girl whom I have been denied sixteen years with fear that I do not want her. That thought stops now. You are mine, just as you are your mothers and you are wanted. I want you. I love you and I could never, ever judge you for seeking that love from us. In my grief I forget that you too have been denied our love. That for sixteen years you've been forced to live with strangers you do not belong with. I cannot promise you I will always show you my softer side, such is life with our curse but I can promise you that I could never not love or want you. You are mine"

Her mothers arms were tight around her waist, her dark brown eyes gentle, her words filled with love and sincerity and so much possessiveness it gave the brunette the impression that she would never get free from this woman, not that she viewed that as a bad thing. She clung to Hermione as if her mama was terrified she would lose her. That she would disappear on her. Never to be seen again and Merlin, coupled with her mama's words it did nothing to prevent the brunette from sobbing brokenly in relief as she buried close to her mama.

"My whole life I have been an outcast, the one that was weird and didn't belong. I knew I was different, knew something was wrong but I didn't know until I saw you and mothers names on that parchment how desperately I ached for you" she whispered back. Needing her mama to know just how much she meant to her. How much both her mothers meant to her and she would do anything to keep them.

Anything to get back to them.

Where she belonged.

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~ Location: Hogwarts, Room of Requirement ~

~ April 9th 1966 ~

~Hermione's POV~

The blondes laughter sounded like wind chimes and her smile could light up any room, Hermione would swear too it as she watched her vela's amusement. They were sat around a small table by the fire. Her mate had surprised her with a date. Dinner and dessert brought up to their little safe space.

Fleur had redesigned the room from their usual duel space to a cosy looking dinning room with a bedroom space at the back. There was a warm fire blazing and the room was lit by candles around the room. Decorated in an elegant green and silver. Her breath had caught when she saw it and she couldn't help the genuine smile or burst of happiness she felt as she saw her mate standing a little nervously in the middle of the room dressed in a pale pink blouse, dress trousers and a tailored dress robe. Her hair was wound into a tight bun at the top of her head. A few strands escaping to frame her face.

They enjoyed a quiet meal together, talking and laughing about everything. Everything that wasn't to do with Harry bloody Potter or this war. They were content to leave that topic for another day. They'd already debriefed from the meeting with her mama. She had told Fleur of what her mama had told her, how she had reassured her and told her she was loved and wanted.

How after they had both broke down her mama had sat with her, devising a strategy to help her in her task and help her remain grounded, keeping the Black curse at bay. Her mama had been ecstatic when she had told her she had already found her mate, even more so when it was revealed to be a Delacour, a family that held to their traditions as tightly if not more so than any pure-blooded family alive. Though she had rather darkly demanded to meet with her mate.

Something that Fleur had paled at when told she needed to arrange privately. Apparently Bellatrix wouldn't be all that impressed if Fleur arranged anything through Hermione because "If my child's mate is that incompetent then she does not deserve to be my child's mate" after all. It was a little amusing to witness her usually so proud, arrogant and possessive other half look so fearful, but the glint of challenge in the blondes eye told Hermione that Fleur would in fact be more than okay. Hermione was well read enough to know that Fleur's veela would not take kindly to anyone doubting her capabilities or her worth especially when it came to her mate so would do anything to eradicate those doubts and prove her worth. After all a veela treasured their mate above all else.

Now they lay together on the bed provided to them by the room. Hermione tucked up into Fleur's side, her head on the blondes chest as the veela holding her close as they laughed about the fearful look on Harry Potters face that morning when Fleur stepped in. The boy was every bit the boy Hermione knew him to be, he was all too fine with being everyone's hero and bullying others but when confronted by someone he knew was more powerful than him he turned into a fearful little boy. If only Hermione didn't have to hide she would take great pleasure in putting both him and Ronald in their places.

But she could wait, her mama and her mother needed her too wait and she would. She only had until Christmas before she would see her mama again and until then she could gather any information she could in regards to Dumbledore and the order for the dark lord. She smiled at the thought letting her eyes drift up to her blonde as she felt her magic re settle for the day as her mates own magic covered hers like a blanket. It gave her hope for once all this was over, if she could make her family proud, hold on to those she cared for and maybe even get a little revenge then she knew she was going to be just fine.

"What are you smiling about Mon amour?" The blonde asked, smiling back at her and Hermione beamed.

"At the future"