Summary: A tragic tale of love and betrayal inspired by the most cliché and lazy anime endings out there. Tags: Teemo and Lissandra.
The brave yordle takes another step forward, its metal gauntlets tightening their grip around the purple hilt of the stolen cursed sword. Ice and snow twirling violently across the frigid Freljordian plain as Teemo prepares to make his last stand or slay the monster that's standing before him.
"It is over, Lissandra," The courageous furry man bellows inside the shroud of the roaring snowstorm. "Your reign of terror ends here at the edge of my stolen Blade of the Ruined King! No more innocent lives will be lost underneath your villainous blankets of black ice."
"Oh, really? "Lissandra responds with a little cackle as she gracefully glides towards the Mushroom Paladin. "And what makes you think that you will succeed where so many others have failed, you insolent rat? You, the pathetic fool that has always been the weakest of your now deceased party members?"
Teemo momentary closes his eyes as the faces of his beloved friends abruptly flash in his mind's eyes. Quinn, the kind brunette ranger that kept talking with her beloved bird, Udyr, the grumpy adventurer that had always wanted to be a door maker and thus murmured endlessly about doorknobs and gates. Master Yi with his terrible Wuju puns, Talon the cunning thief, Soraka the compassionate fruit cleric. Lissandra… the haughty ice mage that used to travel with him and the rest of his friend before she had suddenly chosen to betray them.
"Our deceased party members, Lissandra. Don't forget that you were one of us once, before greed utterly consumed your soul." Spits Teemo.
"Nonsense," Smiles Lissandra "I never considered myself part of your pathetic little party. Our numerous trysts were also a mistake too. I was only attracted to your toned body."
Teemo simply hangs his head at those words, the bangs of his cream-colored fur falling in front of his frowning face obscuring his breathtaking aquamarine eyes.
"You.. f.. I… ing.." Mumbles the Mushroom Paladin, Teemo's words being extinguished by the cruel laughter of the howling blizzard. Lissandra narrows her eyes at that.
"What?" Asks the Ice Witch almost curiously.
Teemo swallows the lump in his throat and then raises his head to stare at Lissandra straight in the eye.
"I said that you never got me off!" Bellows Teemo. "I was just pretending!"
"Pretending, Pretending, pretending!" The bitter words of the brave furry man echo around the two foes.
"Silence, you filthy rat!" Screams the enraged Ice Witch as she abruptly hurls an enchanted icicle towards the handsome male yordle. "I won't have you ruining my chances of being a popular pick this season with your incessant blabbering!"
The Mushroom Paladin has to dive to the side in order to avoid the enchanted icicle. Teemo then hastily gets up and dodges another chunk of sharp ice as Lissandra starts hurling spell after spell at the brave male yordle.
"I will bury your corpse under a mountain of black ice!" Screams the corrupted spell caster, more icicles and hexes shooting from her pale fingertips. Teemo dexterously jumps around attempting to dodge the cold projectiles, occasionally using his cursed blade to parry the frigid missiles that he can't dodge. Whenever that happens and the ice shards shatter against the yordle's purple blade, the magical sword seems to glow with an eerie crimson power.
And then Lissandra raises her hand and five fingers made of black ice sprung from the snow-covered ground. Teemo only has half a moment to see the ebony pillars closing in before screaming his defiance.
"Wuju style!" Yells the brave cream-colored yordle and the next second Teemo disappears, a jade lightning dashing between the closing fingers of the shifting frozen hand, before the Mushroom Paladin reappears kneeling a short distance away from the Ice Witch's dark grasp. The five black pillars of the frozen hand shattering behind the loudly panting yordle.
"What?!" Says Lissandra, the Ice Witch's eyes widening behind her ebony helmet. "How do you know Wuju style swordsmanship! That is Master Yi's expertise! This is utterly impossible!"
The solemn yordle just glares at Lissandra as it slowly rises from the snow and flicks a few patches of snow from the blade of its purple sword. "Yi taught me the secret behind the Wuju Style a few months after you murdered Talon and fled our group." He responds heatedly. "This is our difference, Ice Witch. You think that friendship is a weakness and try to destroy it, when having companions to help us and share our pain in reality forces us to grow stronger to support our friends."
"You are delirious." Lissandra throws another magical icicle to the solemn Mushroom Paladin expecting him to try to dodge it yet again. Teemo, however, determinedly jumps towards the approaching projectile.
"Vault!" Seconds before the enchanted ice impales the courageous yordle the Mushroom Paladin's feet make contact with the side of the magical projectile before leaping off and away from it. The enchanted black crystal harmlessly buries itself in the snow in front of Teemo.
"That is Quinn's move!" Growls the Ice Witch as she hurls three more icicle's towards the charging adventurer, only for the brave Mushroom Knight to start dancing around the frigid projectiles while simultaneously covering the distance between the two foes.
"Talon's parkour! Just how many new abilities did you gain in your journey?" Lissandra suddenly plunges her fingers into the soil, a ripple of ice expanding outwards from her current position, freezing Teemo's feet on the ground.
"Gates! Gates! Gates!" Screams at once the brave yordle knight as Teemo starts mindlessly punching at the ice engulfing his feet with a manic expression on his face. "Gotta open the GATES!"
The ice shatters before Lissandra's incredulous eyes. Teemo frantically lounges at her with reckless abandon, his cursed sword posed for the kill.
"Die you fool!" The dark witch hisses whilst attempting to trap our brave hero inside a coffin of razor-sharp black ice blades.
Warm blood is spilled on the snow-covered ground.
0000
"W-why did things turn this way my dear friend?" The bloodstained lips whisper as the blizzard roars its sorrow. "I-I just wanted to create a world where nobody suffered from heatstroke or high temperatures… a… a paradise where sweaty people didn't exist. A world where children could play in the snow every single day of their lives." The dying Ice Witch mumbles weakly in Teemo's arms, small rivulets of blood trickling down her chin and over her throat and bosom.
"I-I know.. sniff.. sniff." The Mushroom Paladin sobs lightly as he pulls Lissandra's cooling body closer to his own. "I knew there must have been a good reason for you feeding Quiny and Valor into a medieval woodchipper."
"A-a what?" Lissandra whispers weakly under Teemo's fuzzy chin.
"A domesticated Kog'Maw." The handsome yordle replies with much heartache.
"Oh…" The Ice Witch's voice fades as her last strength forsakes her. Lissandra's life now hanging by an stretching twine. A few minutes pass in relative silence. Teemo and Lissandra still hugging inside the mournful blizzard.
"Don't you find it weird?" The brave adventurer asks after a little while prompting a questioning hum from the dying woman in his arms.
"I mean, you were acting batshit crazy a few moments ago and now that you are bleeding out your reasoning has suddenly magically returned? Not to mention that I can still hear you whispering despite the blizzard raging around us and all. Isn't that… strange? Why the fuck didn't you just ult me at the beginning of the fight?"
But Lissandra can't hear Teemo anymore, for the Ice Witch is dead and so we don't need more needless explanations.
"Really, now!" Teemo growls irritably and then out of nowhere a meteor falls on his head killing him. The scene fades as we are treated to a close-up of the two fated lovers' hands grasping each other's palms under the smoking remains of the space rock. And then a mysterious black tar-like substance detaches itself from the smoking meteor and touches the skin of the dead yordle. Venom Teemo is born.