Chapter 4: Live, Die, Repeat

I found myself sitting on my knees when I came to. As I looked around me, everything was black, and I was grey. A large group of unidentifiable people slowly walked past me, some young, some old, men and women. All of them were naked. The only thing I could feel was terror. Questions of where I was and what had happened ran through my head repeatedly. I tried to stand but fell flat on my chest. I looked at my feet and they were mangled. As I tried to reach out to someone for help, I saw my hands were just as mangled. All I could do is lay there letting out panicked sounds as everyone just walked past me. A single man looked down at me with an emotionless face.

"This one doesn't even know where he is or what happened to him." He said robotically before joining the rest of the herd.

His words caused me to ponder for a moment before a single grey drop dripped from my head. The drop showed my reflection when it hit the ground and the left side of my face around my eye, forehead, and nose were caved in. I recoiled in fear which caused some of the herd to only give me a momentary glance before moving on. I felt something grab my lower legs and a pair of hands had materialized from thin air. They were joined by other hands and began dragging me away from the herd. Just as they started dragging me, I noticed three people who looked like Reiko, Eric, and my grandfather amongst the herd. I tried to reach out towards them, but the hands dragged me away, panicking, in the blink of an eye. That's when I heard a strange female voice ring out like it was mocking me. For some reason it sounded familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

"Did you think it would be that easy? There's still so much left we need to do together. So much suffering left unseen. So much madness locked up inside you that I want to bear witness to."

I suddenly found myself standing in the shower with the hot water hitting my face. Confusion washed over me like a storm as I tried to process what had just happened. I had been held down and my hands and feet crushed with a sledgehammer. My head had been split open like a watermelon. Now I was back in the shower with hot water raining down on me. I looked down at the soap shelf and the Angry Orchard was sitting there with half the cider still in it.

"What in the actual…..what the fuck just happened?!" I thought to myself as I slowly sat down with my mind befuddled.

I could still recall the pain of each hand and foot being smashed and left mangled. My hands began to shake as I inspected them and balled them into fists. My ankles ached and creaked slightly as I stood motionless trying to make sense of everything. My head pounded as all the logic escaped me. I reached for the Angry Orchard bottle and took a small sip hoping it would calm my nerves.

"This is some serious Re:Zero shit…" I thought as I came to the only conclusion I could.

I took another sip and set the bottle back down on the soap shelf. I couldn't help but wonder if everything was the same before I had left the house to get flares and night-vision goggles and tried to put up an effort despite knowing it wasn't going to end well. I turned the shower off and checked to see if the clothes washer was still going and it had twenty minutes left on the wash. I then went and changed into the clothes Sasha had given me and tucked my pistol into my waist against my right hip. My cellphone and ipod were at half charge as I reached into my backpack for the map which had no coordinates marked so I re-marked everything down from memory and stuck it back in my backpack. I recalled how it had been two hours at this point before I had taken the radio into the garage to speak with Point Gamma about the rally point issue before making the stupid decision to go get the flares and night vision goggles alone despite Wilmarina's protests.

"This time's going to be different. I'm not grabbing those flares and goggles until everyone's ready to go. I let my anger and frustration get the better of me last time." I thought as I stared up at the guest room ceiling.

I thought about the female voice I'd hear before finding myself back in the shower. Why did it sound so familiar? I then looked at the signet on my left hand and thought about the book I had given to Mimil after I got back to Lescatie. I recalled my fight with the giant, ancient robot after I touched the strange box and found the very book that landed us in this situation. All I wanted was to go back to my ordinary life, but how would it be ordinary with this on my hand? I sat there for a good while thinking things over before I heard the clothes washer make a click sound and went to move my load to the dryer. Afterwards I walked over to the toolbox and grabbed the same hammer as before and went to go put it in my backpack. As I was placing the hammer in my backpack a small piece of polished wood stuck out from under the corner of the bed right up against the wall. I pulled it out and a big grin spread across my face for I had found a single shot, break-action 12 gauge shot gun. I don't know how I missed it earlier, but at least I had a primary firearm now. The strange thing about this single shot was a bayonet mount point just like an M1917 bayonet mount. I checked under the bed again and there was an M1917 bayonet tucked in its scabbard.

I kept reaching under the bed hoping to find a box of shells but pulled out an 11-inch shotgun chamber adapter chambered in .357 magnum instead. Talk about packing some firepower! I was overall pleased with my find. I promptly walked back to the workbench with shotgun, bayonet, and adapter in hand and gave them a thorough cleaning. Each cleaning patch I put through them came out black for the first four patches before I swabbed them out and applied oil. I gently pressed the action release button by the shotgun's hammer spur and the barrel dropped smoothly to expose the breach. With a careful hand, I placed the adapter in the breech before closing the action. I then went and got the bayonet so I could clean the blade but found the wood grip panels were loose. It only took a flat head to fix and enough Hoppe's no.9 for three guns to clean the blade of a small amount of suspicious black grease.

"That makes…how many now?" I heard a familiar female voice ask from behind me as I was oiling the blade.

I turned around to find Mimil standing behind me with a groggy look on her face. Her hair was a mess, and she was missing her cream-white bow. My guess was one of the other adults must have woken her up and sent her to get me. I gently set the bayonet down on the workbench before speaking to her.

"Three…..did one of the others send you to get me?" I replied.

Mimil nodded sheepishly. I reached out and patted her head and she gave off a tired smile.

"Alright…good girl. Let's go see what's up." I said as I pulled my hand away.

"No…more…" Mimil said with a tired pouting face as she grabbed my hand.

"Man…her parents don't really show her all that much true affection…just get her stuffed toys all the time…" I thought as I placed my hand back on her head.

I began patting her head again until she was content before going and putting my baton on my belt and headed upstairs. I could see light shining down from the second floor as I made my way over to the stairs. The others were speaking about a black gunk of sorts on one of the walls as I neared the top of the stairs. A foul odor drifted out of the room they were all in once I got to the door. Mersé was eyeing a small, black blob smeared on the wall by the window.

"Ugh!...Wilmarina, go get some towels!" Primera yelled as she held her nose.

"There's no way I'm touching that thing even with a towel!" Wilmarina shot back with a scowl on her face as she kept her nostrils pinched.

"Alright, everyone, calm down." I said as I approached the blob.

The blob appeared to pulsate ever so slightly as I looked at it. Parts of the drywall it touched looked as if they were rotting. A little bit of strange clear liquid was dripping off it onto the floor. I pulled out my baton and poked it slightly with the tip. That ended up being a mistake as the blob quivered slightly before spitting out a long black, needle-like dart straight into my right shoulder.

"That thing can fight back?!" Eristia said in shock

I walked over to the bathroom without a word to anyone, letting out an angry huff, and looked at the dart in the mirror. The dart had to be at least four inches in length. As much as I knew I should let a surgeon do it, I grabbed hold of the dart and pulled as hard as I could. Blood soaked into my shirt as the dart landed in the sink and I looked down to see it dissolve back into sludge before slinking down the drain. I looked back up at my reflection as the blood stain continued to grow before clenching my teeth in anger. I've been known to get angry on a few occasions, but something about this rage wasn't normal. It felt like it had been poured into me against my will. I walked back into the room with my baton clutched tightly in my left hand and approached the blob on the wall.

"Joshua, wait! You should have Sasha look at that-" Elt said as he looked at my shoulder before I raised my baton for a strike.

A tendril shot out of the blob the second I was about to strike it. It punched a hole straight through my left eye and out the back of my skull before pulling out. I collapsed on the floor in a bloody heap as I heard them all gasp in horror. It didn't take me long to wake up back in the black void from my first "death". Once again, I was surrounded by people passing me by.

"…..Dammit…" I cursed angrily.

"Just another lost soul with only half a brain…" I heard one of the passer-by mutter.

I clenched my teeth as I began wondering how I would escape my current predicament. How does one cheat death without even sitting at the card table? As I was lost in thought I felt something grasp my right ankle.

"Oh boy…here we go again…" I thought just as I was swiftly yanked backwards.

"Hmmm….I thought you'd last longer this time. Oh well….time to try again…." The female voice from last time said in a condescending and mocking voice.

I woke up in the shower again with hot water pounding my face. Everything was the same as when I first stepped into the shower. Even the hard cider bottle still had some left in it. I looked at the bottle but didn't reach for it. Was this really my "check-point"? If so, what was the trigger? Was it taking a shower? Drinking the Angry Orchard? I hesitantly reached for my bottle of cider and finished it off. Normally drinking in the shower brought me a tiny shred of clarity so I could organize my thoughts, but now it was part of my dilemma in more ways than I wanted it to be. I found myself going in circles as "answers" only created even more "questions". My next thought was of the black blob on the wall.

"Just what WAS that thing to begin with?...Whatever it was it was a living entity….there's no way it just 'appeared' out of thin air. It had to have slowly oozed its way through the drywall."

I turned the shower off and got my clothes on before grabbing the hammer from the toolbox. I searched the workbench and found a flammable, half empty can, of grey spray paint. I clenched both the can and hammer in each hand then went and grabbed my zippo before heading back upstairs to the room the blob had been in. Elt, Wilmarina, Primera, and Mersé awoke with a startle as I turned on the lights when I entered their room.

"Oh, geez! What is wrong with you?! Can't you see the four of us are trying to sleep?!" Primera scolded as I approached the wall the blob had been on.

"Hey! Are you even listening to me?! UGH!" she said as I walked past her.

"…what time is it?..." Elt asked as he began rubbing his eyes.

I looked at the spot where the blob had been on the wall and began lightly tapping it with the hammer. As I listened to the sound, I could faintly hear something rustling and squishing inside the drywall. With a firm grip, I brought the claw end down on the drywall and began tearing it apart.

"Oh my lord…he's officially lost it…" I heard Primera utter in annoyance.

"Wait…something's behind the wall….what the hell?!" Mersé muttered as she watched me.

The four of them soon realized what I was really going after. They all had a look of disgust on their faces after uncovering the sludge behind the wall. It smelled, oozed, and quivered once uncovered. As I looked at it, I realized it must have had a sudden small growth spurt the first time. The liquid must have seeped through and allowed it to grow the first time the others sent Mimil to get me. I dropped the hammer which landed with an audible clutter and began shaking the paint can. I could hear Wilmarina and Primera gagging behind me, no doubt due to the foul smell of the sludge. I heard them run off, probably to the bathroom.

"What on earth is going on? Why are—what on earth?!" I heard Sasha's voice ask from behind me.

"Oh…uh…I don't know how to say this, but Joshua found something weird in the wall." Elt replied to her.

"Is that why both Wilmarina and Primera are vomiting on the chamber pot?" she asked him in a confused voice.

I finished shaking the can and popped the lid off as I grabbed my lighter from my pocket. The sludge quivered and squelched as it was washed in flames. It didn't take long for the spray can to run out of paint, but the sludge was still there, just slightly burned and smelled even worse now. I needed a plan B, one that couldn't fail me. I looked down at my left hand and clenched my fist causing the signet to shimmer for a moment. I raised my left palm and fired a bolt of light magic at the blob, causing it to pop like a pimple and spray me with black goo from my head to my stomach. It was plastered so thick I couldn't even breathe.

"Ugh!...that smell!...you stink worse than trash!" I heard Primera groan from behind me.

I began wiping my face with my hands. The goo felt like fire on my skin and made it nearly impossible to see. By now, the smell was starting to overwhelm even me. After wiping my eyes, nose, and mouth I took a deep breath of air.

"You really think I wanted this? At least you aren't covered in this sludge." I shot back as I shook the sludge off of my hands off.

"Now I gotta go wash off again. On top of that I'm gonna need to start cooking soon so we can be ready to head to the rescue point. You wanna guess where that is? Past where we started from-past square one! Between Victor's little murder squad and this I'm just glad I haven't lost my sanity yet." I said angrily as I began walking out of the room.

I walked past Primera who had clenched her teeth at my words. So far this had been one of the worst days of my life and the last thing I wanted was to put up with her attitude. As I was about to walk down the stairs, I felt someone shove me from behind. I tumbled down the stairs, breaking my neck in the process, but was still alive when I reached the bottom. I landed on my back and was stuck staring up at the ceiling like it was a sky denied to me. I could hear angry yelling at the top of the stairs as Primera got into an argument with everyone. When I got summoned to their world, I did my best to treat not just her, but everyone with kindness and respect like they deserved—treat others the way you wish to be treated. I tried to get up and realized just how screwed I really was.

Everything below the neck wouldn't budge, no matter if I tried to move a finger or bend a knee. I internally despaired at being rendered unable to move. The only thing I wanted was for this nightmare to end, but death wasn't an escape, it just sent me back to the "start" after I thought I was making progress. The others were still arguing as I lay there wallowing in despair until I heard someone coming down the stairs.

"Joshua?...Hey, c'mon! Get up!" I heard Sasha's worried voice plead from the stairs in front of me.

"I can't. That tumble broke my neck…..I can't feel anything from below the neck down." I replied with a trembling voice.

Sasha let out a panicked gasp before running back upstairs. Her voice echoed down from upstairs as she got furious at Primera. I let out a slight, angry chuckle at my situation. Not only could I not move, but one of them was going to send me the way of "Old Yeller". I was just curious as to who would step up to the plate and end my misery. They say burning alive, drowning, freezing to death, getting crushed, and buried alive are the worst ways to die. I can think of a sixth one: waiting for your friends to choose just who gets to end your suffering.

"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?! He can't move now! You know healing magic can't fix this and yet…." I heard Sasha yell.

"….You're joking….he has to be faking it!" I heard Primera shoot back with a fair bit of horror in her voice.

The fear that had crept into Primera's voice upon hearing that revelation was almost priceless. I heard her quickly rush down the stairs and I'd be lying if I said I thought she was coming to save me. She pressed her hands onto my shoulders and shook me hard.

"Oh, for goodness sake….get up." She said angrily as she shook me.

I didn't move an inch and she pressed on my shoulders again.

"Look, this isn't funny anymore, so stop lying there and get up already!" she said as fear crept back into her.

I let out another chuckle as she began to realize the full consequences of her actions.

"Stop laughing…." She said as she looked down at me in horror.

Oh….death….

"GET UP! We need you if we're gonna make it out of this alive! Get up….." Primera cried.

Oh….death….

I thought about everything in life that had led me to this. All I had wanted was to live peacefully with Eric, Reiko, and my grandpa. They're all gone now. I'm all alone in my miserable life. What's the point of working hard if all I ever do is lose at every turn. Maybe this nightmare is just the dying synapses of my brain? Who's to say the book didn't just kill all of us the second that bright light burst from its pages and we're all just stuck in our own personal hells? Whatever this all is, I just want my nightmare to end with me tucked in a warm bed as the life flows out of me. One last fake rest before the real one starts.

Primera stepped away from me and leaned against the front door with tears streaming down her face. Reality bites hard, but I don't think she ever expected it to bite her this hard. We both heard someone hesitantly coming down the stairs only to be greeted by Mersé with her halberd gripped tightly in her right hand.

"You aren't going to do…what I think you are…are you?" Primera asked her shakily.

"…We can't just leave him like this, it would just be too cruel." She replied, the remorse in her voice showed me she really didn't want to end my life like this.

I watched as she raised her halberd above with the spear tip pointed down right at my head. She held it there, hesitating, which only made me feel worse.

"I'm sorry…" her last words to me.

Even if this death was only going to be temporary, I still felt frustrated. I hadn't managed to make any progress since my first death and felt cheated. Even knowing what was going to happen after I ended up back in the shower didn't give me a single answer to any of my questions. The halberd's tip went right into my left eye, and everything went black. Now I had to start over again, but I didn't want to. Just let me sleep, let me die, please!

Oh….death….won't you spare me over till another year?...