Chapter 6: Vulnerability

The early morning sun was shining through the trees. Birds (their equivalent really) were chirping.

BANG! BANG! BANG! Stanley woke with a start, heart thumping hard in his chest. It was Xev banging on the moth canopy, and she looked seriously pissed, with tears in her eyes. Stanley opened up the moth. "Geez Xev, you practically gave me a heart attack." Then he realized she still wasn't dressed. "Why are you naked?"

"WHAT THE HELL STANLEY! You BURNED my CLOTHES! Of COURSE I 'm naked!" Xev yelled at the top of her voice.

"What! What are you talking about?" Stanley scrambled out of the moth and ran to the campfire, Xev following close behind. There on the ground were Xev's clothes looking half burned. "Oh! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Stanley cried as he fell to his knees. "This can't be!" He tried to pick up what was left of Xev's clothes, and they simply disintegrated into little pieces, dust and ash stirring. A fine coating of powder covered his hands. He looked up at Xev, misery etched into his face. "I'm sorry Xev! I don't know what happened! You were asleep, so I left your clothes out for you! That's it! I swear!"

"Well OBVIOUSLY you left them TOO CLOSE TO THE FIRE, you IDIOT!" With that, Xev turned and ran away, heading for the good pond.

"Xev, wait!" called Stanley. He got up and started to go after her, but felt the thump of a stick on his leg. He looked down.

"Let her go, you must," said Yoda. "Time, she will need."

"Oh Yoda! I don't know what to say! It was an accident. It really, really was! I was trying to be nice! Do the right thing! I didn't want her angry at me!"

"Time you will need as well, I think," said Yoda.

"So what do we do now?" asked Stanley, utterly miserable.

"Fish we catch, then we eat," replied Yoda.

Xev was seated at the edge of the water by the good pond. She had discovered that if you threw flat stones just right, you could make them skip across the water. She had collected a stack, and was tossing them one by one.

"Stupid Stanley." Plop, plop, plop went the stone before sinking.

"Stupid Stanley." Plop, plop, plop.

"Stupid Stanley." Plop, plop, plop, plop. "Hey, four times."

It helped take her mind off what had happened. It had been so much fun, she reflected. From the time she had first hung her clothes on the branch behind her, until that moment in the morning when she awoke to find her clothes burned, she had never, not once, felt naked. It had been a rush, an exhilarating sense of freedom; an escape from the stress of living on the Lexx.

Yesterday, if clothes off symbolized freedom, clothes on symbolized a return to a cage, so a part of her had been glad Stanley played his little prank. It gave her more time to enjoy that freedom before returning to the cage that was the Lexx. Her missing clothes never worried her – she knew Stanley well enough to know her clothes were safe, and really, she could get them back anytime. Knowing that, she realized, had given her license to feel unencumbered and uninhibited. And now they were gone – actually, truly, irretrievably gone. Yesterday she felt free and empowered. Today she felt naked and vulnerable.

"Stupid Stanley." Plop, plop, plop.

Aside from the Lexx, the only possessions both she and Stanley had were the clothes on their backs. There were no backups, no spares. What was she supposed to do now? Live naked for the rest of her life on the Lexx? Or here on Dagobah? Actually, living naked on Dagobah didn't sound so bad; it was warm enough, and right now it seemed to be the better option. She had enjoyed herself yesterday, and she loved how amazingly full of life Dagobah was. And there was that Force Yoda talked about. He did say something about some sort of potential. What did that mean?

But that would mean being separated from her friends: Kai, Stanley; even 790 sort of counted as a friend. Yes, she was royally pissed with Stanley for being so incredibly stupid, but if he said burning her clothes was an accident, she was inclined to believe him. Xev skipped the last of her rocks across the pond, jumped in and began to swim methodically back and forth, until her arms and legs began to burn, and then continued a little longer, resisting the increasing pain. Finally, she could swim no more, and went back to the bank to rest, hips and legs extending underwater. It didn't have the same thrill as yesterday, but it did help to burn off her anger. As she lay recovering, she imagined ways to get revenge on Stanley. Push Stanley out a moth at high altitude. Tie up Stanley and throw him into the Big Bad Pond. Strip Stanley naked and burn his clothes in front of him. Actually, that last one sounded really tempting, but it wouldn't get her clothes back.

It occurred to Xev she didn't have anything to eat this morning, and by now it was mid-day. As she looked around, she noticed a vine-like plant with golden red berries on the far side of the pond. That brought another realization – she had no idea what was safe to eat, and what was poisonous. Only Yoda had local knowledge, and he was back at the camp. There was nothing for it. She got up and slowly walked back.

When Xev came to the edge of the clearing, she squatted down and hid behind a bush to observe, before continuing on. There was Stanley, looking dejected and miserable. He was off to one side well away from the fire. He had collected the larger pieces of the cluster lizard dress and seemed to be trying to figure out a way to piece something together. Well, at least he's trying, she thought, which is more than I've done so far. That went a long way towards quelling her anger. Xev came out of hiding, walked over to Stanley and sat down beside him.

"I am really, really sorry Xev. I never meant for this to happen," Stanley said with a shaky voice.

She picked up one of the pieces Stanley had collected and tried flexing it. It crumbled and fell to the ground. "I don't think any of this can be salvaged Stanley," she said quietly.

They sat side by side, staring at the pieces for a minute or two, as if waiting for them to magically transform back into her dress. Xev finally turned her head to look at Stanley, and saw soot smudges on his face where he had wiped away tears. That killed the last of her anger. She simply felt hollow now. Xev put her arm around Stanley's shoulder and pulled him close, resting her head against his. "Oh Stanley…. What are we going to do?"

"I don't know yet Xev. We'll think of something, I promise you that. I will find a way to make it up to you." Stanley hesitated. "I could give you my clothes."

Xev gave Stanley's shoulder a squeeze. "Oh believe me, I thought about that, including lots of ideas about what to do with your clothes. Most of those ideas involved burning them."

"Sounds fair," Stanley said in a low voice, nodding, looking down at the ground.

"Oh buck up, Stanley. I like to think I'm bigger than that. See?" Xev said, arching her back and thrusting out her breasts.

Stanley looked at her breasts and smiled ruefully. "Yeah, I guess you are bigger than me in that department."

"What can I say? I have a great body." They both laughed, and Xev relaxed again. They sat together in silence for another minute. "Well… at least Dagobah is warm," she said, with a little smile on her face.

"Yeah, and the Lexx is climate controlled," replied Stanley, smiling back. "We can always run the temperature a little warmer. Whatever you need."

"Right. I mean, who needs clothes?" Xev said with a wave of her hand. "Why do people even wear clothes on a spaceship? It's completely unnecessary. No reason for it."

"Absolutely. Clothes are for weak-willed people like me. You're beyond that. You…" Stanley said with emphasis, "…are clothed in your own skin. And that's something that can't be taken from you."

"Clothed in my own skin. You know what? That's it. The solution has been in front of us the whole time. I've got a great new look now. Why didn't I see it before? I should have gotten rid of my clothes a long time ago." Xev gave her head a sharp nod, indicating that was that. They laughed quietly, then settled down and sat in silence once more.

Xev turned more serious. "Okay Stanley," she said, patting him on the arm. "You can keep your clothes for now. If I have them, I might set them on fire and that won't help either of us. And as I did start my 'new look' by choice yesterday, I'm willing to stay with it a little while longer. But that doesn't mean I want to be running around naked forever, and in particular, once I'm back on the Lexx, I reserve the right to take your jumpsuit and do with it what I will. Deal?"

"Deal. That's more than generous. You really do have a big heart, and no," Stanley said, raising his hand, "You don't have to show me how big-hearted you are."

"But Stanley," Xev said laughingly, jiggling back and forth. "What else can I show you? These are my only assets now."

"No they're not. You are kind, generous, smart, self-assured, resourceful – those are assets too." Xev practically glowed at the complement. Her eyes wandered over to the moth.

"Oh! I still have my boots." Xev pointed to where they stood.

"See? More assets. But oh yeah, I can see it now; you wearing knee-high boots and nothing else," Stanley said dryly. "I think you're better off wearing nothing at all than wearing knee-high boots. Less provocative that way, and I could use less provocative right now."

Xev smiled at that. "Okay, the boots stay put. Jokes aside, I'm not actually in a provocative mood." She hesitated. "You know, it's funny. Last night I was feeling so good about myself, I actually imagined burning my clothes. And here they are." She prodded the pieces with her foot.

Stanley gave a small laugh. "I hate to say it, but I had a similar thought about your clothes. You were so with it, so self-assured, it made me jealous." Stanley brightened. "Now here's something. First, Yoda should be back any minute with something to eat. Eating will help. Then I'll get on the comm and talk to Kai and 790. We'll put our heads together. This isn't forever, Xev. You will have clothes again."

Xev smiled. "I was feeling so miserable this morning. I kept thinking – this is it, I'm stuck for life. But you're right; ultimately, this is temporary, and knowing that is half the battle." She gave Stanley a hug. Just yesterday, that would have sent him over the top. Today, he took it in stride.

"You know, when you didn't come back from your swim, I got worried. After a couple of hours, I went back to the small pond to see if you were okay. And there you were, Xev, curled up asleep in the grass like you were born here, in your element. You can be that self-assured confident person again."

"Yeah… I think I can." Xev looked at Stanley. "So why did you take my clothes?"

"Are you kidding? Stealing clothes from a skinny-dipper? It's a classic. I couldn't resist." He took in a breath. "I never stood a chance, did I?"

"Not even close." Xev replied.

They both laughed at that. "Hey look," Stanley said. "Yoda's back. Let's see what he has."

And so they got up and walked side by side to the campfire, the pieces of Xev's dress abandoned and forgotten. Tiny insect analogues were already hard at work, biting off chunks and carrying them back to their hives. Within hours, her clothes would be only a memory.