Hi guys, Calborghete here, how are you all? I hope everyone is doing well.
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So now without further ado, enjoy your reading.
"Dialogues"
- Thoughts -
"Radio Talk"
"Self talk."
Liability Note:
Evangelion, its characters and setting are the property of Hideaki Anno. Any brands, movies and series mentioned in this Fanfic are the property of their creators.
(*)
Chapter 07 - Hello Shikinami Part. 02.
Shinji was looking out the window of the apartment he "confiscated," watching the horizon in the background with tired eyes, looking at the mountains and small buildings that surrounded his temporary place of refuge.
He closed his eyes to the scene in front of him, but this was only a facade, his mind was on the person who was currently sleeping on a couch, with slow and heavy steps, Shinji approached Asuka who had her eyes closed.
With a cloth dampened with water, Shinji gently wiped away the dried blood that stained his beautiful face, wiping each area gently until only contact marks remained.
Looking at the serum he had administered to Asuka, Shinji again locked his gaze on his former roommate, analyzing her face every inch of the way.
- So beautiful. - Shinji thought as he stared into Asuka's face, but soon sadness began to take over his thoughts, having remembered every word Asuka had spoken to him in his entire existence.
Ducking his head as he remembered, Shinji sighed as he stood up and walked toward the apartment kitchen, looking at his supply of food, knowing that Asuka would be hungry when she woke up.
With a sarcastic laugh, Shinji would never expect that he would be cooking for Asuka again, he picked up his combat knife and began preparing his meal and hers.
"Well? What will it be like when she wakes up?" His mind asked.
Acting in an automatic way, Shinji was not even paying attention to the task he was doing, passing the knife through everything he was throwing into a pan, his mind was locked on Asuka who was resting on the sofa in the living room.
- I don't know, I'll help her recover and take her to one of WILLE's bases. - Shinji thought as he stared at his ingredients with a look of disdain.
"Well ... But you know she won't go willingly, she is Asuka after all." Her mind spoke as she brought up images of Asuka's temperament, all showing how she used to wake up in the NERV days, how she wouldn't budge for anything when she stuck something in her head.
Stopping his activity, Shinji closed his eyes as he took a long sigh, he knew that Asuka would do anything to convince him, including using force to try to get him back to WILLE.
Seeing that everything was as it should be in the pot, Shinji took a look at its contents, knowing that there wasn't enough food even for him, but something in his mind was telling him not to skimp.
Bringing his hands to his face again, Shinji whispered to himself, having dropped his knife and listening to the metal colliding with the countertop in a soft thud. "Why am I doing this?"
"Again with that? Is that the right motive, or do you wish you had dumped her with the sympathizers?" His mind attacked mercilessly.
Remembering the difficulties in rescuing Asuka, Shinji looked at the reflection one of the cabinets gave him of himself, seeing the battle marks on his face, the freshly stitched cut from the knife that managed to wound him.
"What the fuck." Shinji grumbled as he refocused on the meal he was preparing for both of them, lighting a wood stove, Shinji began cooking, it being one of the few things he could do to distract himself.
Even though he didn't have the variety of subjects he once had, the young boy still had his gift, managing to improvise dishes for himself making his meals less shitty in Shinji's view.
Seeing that his soup was getting a good look, Shinji took a spoonful to his mouth to taste it, nodding slightly to the flavor, knowing that it might be better if it had his seasonings.
"At least it doesn't taste like shit." Shinji spoke as he put the spoon down, having remembered the countless times he had nothing to satisfy his hunger, how bad the food tasted and he had to put up with it.
Feeling his chest beginning to itch, Shinji caught himself giving a few timid coughs that quickly began to increase.
"Again?" Shinji grumbled as he coughed violently, holding onto the kitchen counter so as not to lose his balance.
Feeling his body starting to get weak, Shinji began to control his breathing as best he could, taking deep breaths as he gasped heavily, feeling his head spinning with the lack of air he was feeling.
With his body recovering from another bout of coughing that he had managed to get through, Shinji brought his hand to his mouth when he felt a liquid, wiping his mouth and watching his hand.
Frowning at the sight, Shinji watched the red liquid staining the palm of his hand, tasting iron in his mouth, then Shinji closed his eyes and took a long breath.
Observing the horizon, Shinji thought about everything he was doing, knowing that his body was suffering from the effects of long exposure to the red earth, but his mind was not concerned about this, he only wanted to be able to complete his plans, not caring about the consequences it would bring to himself.
"The beginning and the end are the same for me." Shinji spoke as he faced the window, seeing that his soup was already hot enough, but a sound coming from the room broke his thoughts.
Walking into the room, Shinji watched as Asuka tried to stand up, seeing her head turn sideways, Shinji deduced that she must be feeling confused.
Again having his head flooded with memories, mostly of his return and in the red earth, Shinji felt his mind closing in, a single word echoing in his mind.
"You could die and I wouldn't even care."
"They don't care."
With a deep sigh, Shinji managed to control himself, soon his vision fell on Asuka's hand, watching as she was trying to remove the bandage he had made to keep in place the serum he had applied.
With a final inspiration he spoke as he stood in the doorway. "I wouldn't do that."
Seeing Asuka stop her movement, soon their eyes met, Shinji watched as Asuka's eyes widened at seeing him, but his head could only stare at her, his mind flooded with the worst memories Shinji had of Asuka.
Looking at the redhead on the couch, Shinji was feeling his head churning, desperately wanting to know why he was thrown away, to know that the people who mattered most in his life in the end showed they didn't care.
Looking at her with cold, emotionless eyes, Shinji spoke. "Hello Shikinami."
Seeing Asuka's face contort, Shinji's mind was screaming, but he managed to hold himself together, soon a silence hit the small apartment.
Asuka was still looking at Shinji standing in the doorway like a statue, seeing that his gaze was not wavering one bit.
- Oh my God. - Asuka thought as she saw how still Shinji was, seeing his stiff posture, but what she was thinking about were the marks on his body, the large cut on his cheek and the combat marks that were on the other side.
One of the things that was most disturbing was his cold posture, having only the image of Shinji cowering in his mind, the way this boy could not maintain eye contact with anyone, the person who did not even have the courage to retort to a simple curse.
Knowing that this would lead nowhere, Asuka soon remembered that she was receiving serum, blinking to clear her mind of the man in front of her. "What's that?"
Shinji still maintained his posture, adjusting himself and crossing his arms he replied coldly as he let out a sigh. "IV, painkiller and anti-inflammatory."
Feeling the coldness in her voice, Asuka could sense the anger and venom in his voice, nodding timidly, the redhead adjusted as best she could, fighting against the pounding waves of pain, she couldn't remember running away.
Vaguely remembering a man pointing a gun at her head, sounds of a fight, blushing as she remembered one detail, the very one of calling Shinji's name again.
"How ... How did I get here?" Asuka asked already wondering the answer.
With a snort, Shinji shook his head slightly, but answered nonetheless, "I rescued you."
Asuka felt a warmth in her heart hearing this, but the situation was not being her friend. "Why?"
Shinji closed his eyes slightly upon hearing this question, having thought about the reason countless times and always coming to the same conclusion, he still cared about this woman in front of him, even though he believed that the feeling was not reciprocated.
"I don't know." Shinji spoke as he subtly shook his head. "I really don't know."
Asuka felt her blood boil at that answer. - Pretty standard Shinji. - But one thing bothered her, his answer, he hadn't answered in an insecure way, but in a convinced way, this was starting to annoy the proud redhead.
After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence for both of them, Shinji heard a sound coming from Asuka, it had been two days since she had been sleeping, knowing that she would wake up hungry.
Asuka felt her stomach growling with hunger, remembering how little food she had received in the cave where she was captive, feeling her body screaming for food, soon Asuka put her hand on her stomach.
Lifting her gaze as Shinji turned and left with heavy steps, Asuka wanted to get up, but knew her body wouldn't get very far the way it was raised her gaze to the sounds coming from the kitchen.
Again the redhead heard sound of footsteps coming back from the kitchen, Shinji was coming with two containers in his hands, soon Asuka's anxiety grew as he approached and stretched one of his arms towards Asuka. "Take it."
With a confused look, soon the redhead stretched out her arm and cautiously picked up the bowl, but not before feeling her fingers touch shyly, turning and analyzing the contents, Asuka could see the mushy substance in front of her, having her sense of smell flooded by the fragrance of the meal prepared by Shinji.
Asuka closed her eyes as her head flooded with memories of the times in Misato's apartment, how she never mentioned how good Shinji's food was, only appreciating it when it had been lost.
"What's that?" Asuka asked curious as she knew what was in front of her, mentally cursing herself for asking a dumb question at times like this.
Shinji turned and walked over to a chair across the room, sitting quietly in the chair and picking up his spoon, gently mixing his soup and completely ignoring Asuka.
With a snort, Asuka felt annoyed that she was being ignored, taking a deep breath to keep herself in line, her mind was screaming at her to do something, still having her old behavior in her head, she was not going to be pushed aside by Shinji.
"Hey! I ask what is this?" Asuka asked putting more strength into her voice, hoping to get him to talk, remembering Shinji's old behavior, Asuka waited, looking at him strongly.
Raising a look, Shinji returned Asuka's stare in the same intensity, making a great effort to control himself, adjusting as best he could in his chair, he spoke keeping his voice level and calm, but with the force.
"Food!"
Asuka felt her body shudder at the way Shinji pronounced it, seeing the heavy, cold gaze on her at all times, feeling a shiver run down her spine the redhead decided to give in and pick up the spoon.
Taking a small portion of the soup, Asuka quickly ladled it into her mouth, already used to the bad taste of Wunder's food, but unlike when she was on the ship, Asuka closed her eyes with the taste, it wasn't even close to the meals made by Shinji in Misato's apartment, but it was good.
Savoring with one strong mouthful after another the redhead was lost in the memories and the knowing that Shinji's soup brought her, but soon she remembered where she was, looking back at Shinji who was eating quietly on the other side.
Feeling the gaze on him, Shinji stopped the path of his spoon, knowing Asuka was staring at him, he lowered his spoon slowly, Shinji asked as he raised his gaze, all the while keeping his posture cool.
"What?"
Blinking at seeing that she had been caught staring, Asuka lowered her gaze to her soup, still having too many questions to ask.
"Nothing."
Eating again, Shinji lost himself in his thoughts.
"I think it's going well." Shinji's mind spoke in a tone of debauchery.
- I just want her to get better and go away. - Shinji retorted as he brought another spoon to his mouth, he could hear the sound of Asuka eating.
"You don't want that." His mind spoke smiling. "I can sense that you wouldn't like to see her go."
With a sigh, Shinji stopped eating and took a brief look at Asuka, he knew how he felt, but they were on opposite sides in this world, what he wants could never be achieved.
With another sigh, only this time downcast, Shinji turned his gaze to his food that had come to an end.
Asuka looked at the now empty pot, feeling satisfied with the simple food, but eating one meal well was better than two at Wunder, soon Asuka realized that Shinji had stood up, seeing his form walking over to her and stopping a few feet away.
"Are you done yet?" Shinji asked quietly as he stared Asuka in the eye.
"Got it." Asuka spoke as she raised the now empty container to Shinji.
Listening to his heavy footsteps to the kitchen, Asuka was wondering what would happen now, watching Shinji return and stand facing a mirror, Asuka's eyes widened as he removed a bandage from his face revealing a set of stitches closing an ugly cut.
"How did that happen?" Asuka asked shocked to see the wound, carefully noting the way the stitches were, knowing that the work could be done much better.
Shinji was changing the bandage, but heard the question, not bothering to turn around to answer.
"That's none of your business."
Bullshit! She's the reason you got that cut." His mind spoke as he brought up the memory of earning that cut.
Asuka fumed as she listened to Shinji's cold response, she couldn't remember Shinji having the courage to speak to her like that, it brought a big doubt in her mind.
- What is that thing? That's not Shinji. - Asuka thought as she analyzed his hard stance, but as she analyzed the answer, she felt a twinge in her conscience as she heard the same answer she had given Shinji when he awakened in Wunder.
Lowering her gaze as she remembered, Asuka was slow to accept the fact that Shinji was relieved to see her alive, now she knew the feeling, but she quickly returned to her stronger stance, she wasn't going to let him act as he saw fit.
"Hey brat!" Asuka spoke as she got up from the couch, looking at Shinji's form tensing up. "I asked how did that happen?"
Shinji put the bandage back on and slowly turned around, facing Asuka strongly, adjusting himself on the small piece of furniture that faced the mirror, crossing his arms over his chest he spoke coldly.
"Stab."
Asuka shuddered at the thought of this, visibly shifting her posture. "Who did the dressing?"
Shinji kept an iron stare all the time, having inherited his mother's physical features, Asuka was beginning to compare him to Ayanami who was in Wunder.
"No one." Shinji answered simply, but already anticipating that Asuka would ask something else he already jumped the gun.
"I did."
Asuka's eyes widened, she was shocked at the revelation that Shinji had done the stitches in himself, confirming her suspicion.
"Why?"
With a fake and completely emotionless laugh, Shinji spoke. "Are you listening to yourself?"
Asuka closed her fists at the way Shinji was speaking.
"Listen brat..."
"Listen to what Shikinami?" Shinji cut her off with the strongest voice, making Asuka give a little jump. "If you haven't noticed, this is Shinji we're talking about, if I look anywhere and get recognized I'm going back to that hellhole and that's something that's not going to happen."
Asuka felt downcast at this answer, having already come to terms with her mind about Shinji's condition and not wanting anything to happen to him, but one other thing came into her mind, she had to get back to Wunder. "What's it going to be then?"
Shinji calmed himself as he listened to Asuka's question, with a deep breath he spoke what he had planned. "You will recover until you are strong enough to take care of yourself." Shinji replied without wavering with his posture and maintaining his stare. "And when that day comes, I will take you to one of the colonies and drop you off at a WILLE base."
Asuka shuddered internally at the way Shinji spoke those words, feeling like an object as she heard him speak the word "drop you off," but the redhead recovered quickly.
"Okay, as soon as I recover, we'll go to one of the colonies, when we get back to Wunder..." Asuka started talking now being with Shinji, they could go back to Wunder, but Shinji didn't allow her to finish talking.
"No!" Shinji spoke strongly as he raised his hand.
Asuka stopped her reasoning and stared at Shinji with narrowed eyes, not being used to him being braver in his arguments, this only served to irritate the fiery redhead.
"How is it third?" Asuka spoke keeping her voice level, but I could sense that she was irritated.
Shinji stared at her with his strong, cold gaze, already feeling his anger begin to rise, but he managed to maintain his posture and control.
"I said no! It's not going to happen."
Asuka gave a bored sigh, clasping her hands to the side of her body, firmly remembering the discussions on the red earth.
"Are we going to have to get into this again?"
Shinji leaned his back against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest and spoke defiantly.
"Again?"
Feeling the blood rushing like magma in her veins, Asuka spoke up annoyed. "Do you think I'm going to let you wander off?"
With a fake and sarcastic laugh, soon Shinji's mind recalled his moments with Asuka in the red earth, how he had been massacred in all the time he had spent by her side, all the cruel and mean words he had heard.
Asuka just stared at Shinji's form laughing falsely, looking at the scene in front of her with confused eyes, the redhead couldn't believe the utter disdain Shinji was taking her words with.
Stopping his laughter abruptly, Shinji raised his head and stared back. "I don't remember us 'talking'." Shinji concluded his reasoning by gesturing with his hands at the last part.
Asuka blinked for a moment as she heard Shinji's response, also being recalling the moment in her mind, but she managed to hold her posture stiffly, but before she could speak Shinji continued.
"I don't remember why we never had that conversation, you guys didn't bother to listen." Shinji began to speak coldly, still keeping his arms crossed and staring at Asuka strongly.
Asuka stood still listening to everything, keeping her posture outward, but her mind was agitated, knowing full well that WILLE had never given her a chance in this war, but the German was already beginning to lose her cool.
"They want me on Wunder because? Are the reruns of my comeback already saturated?" Shinji asked with a wry smile on his face.
"You." Asuka fumed at the sarcasm, having understood the message Shinji was trying to convey, as if Wunder was reveling in her suffering.
Shinji was seeing that Asuka was angry, he knew his former roommate too well to know how temperamental she was, he could only wait for the explosion that was coming.
"You think you are, don't you?" Asuka retorted annoyed. "This isn't about you! It's about the world!"
Shinji was only listening to everything intently, Asuka seeing that she had Shinji's attention continued. "You are so selfish!"
"Selfish?" Shinji asked wryly, having the moment of his judgment in his mind. "How could I have been selfish?"
Asuka's eyes widened. "Where do we start, your brilliant idea to break out of prison? Putting the world at risk again and for what? Playing vigilante?"
Frowning heavily Shinji listened to Asuka's words intently. "And you expected what!? To rot in jail for a crime I didn't commit!?" Shinji shouted as he came out of the wall.
Asuka felt her body freeze at the sight, Shinji had become a big man, and in his current condition, he could easily kill Asuka, but with adrenaline flowing through her veins, the redhead let anger take over. "You think you can just screw up and walk away?"
"I don't care what you think Shikinami." Shinji spoke coldly. "I am not going back with you after all you have done to me."
Asuka felt awkward that Shinji called her by her last name, not understanding why this made her uncomfortable, but this last sentence spoken by him made her even more annoyed. "And what have you done to us brat?"
"What have I done!?" Shinji retorted with wide eyes. "You guys talk like I wanted that shit to happen!"
Asuka was ready to speak more, but her mind was unable to find arguments, she can only stutter.
"Yeah, no argument there." Shinji smiled devilishly. "You guys dumped all the blame on me for something I didn't even know could happen, treated me like I wanted to help my father."
Shinji began to take steps toward Asuka, his eyes glazed with anger.
Asuka noticing that Shinji started walking towards her as she spoke, felt afraid by the aggressive stance Shinji was putting on.
"You guys didn't even give me a chance." Shinji spoke strongly.
"One chance? We gave you a chance and what do you do? You run away at the first opportunity!... " Asuka retorted, realizing that Shinji had stopped his course, seeing that his words must have hit a nerve.
"What did you guys explain? Katsuragi was standing on the wall, Akagi only explained that I would die if only I got up without permission and you." Shinji narrowed his eyes as he remembered his encounter with Asuka. "She tried to punch me, excellent explanations."
Asuka lowered her gaze as she remembered, having regretted it after all the confusion had calmed down. "But you shouldn't have run away! "
Shinji nodded in agreement. "You're right, I shouldn't have, so I could have gone to jail faster, rotting like garbage, just like you guys wanted."
Asuka was feeling trapped with words, feeling that she was losing the verbal battle. "Do you think that's what we wanted? Misato had a plan for you."
"There was? What was it, serving as the crew's punching bag?" Shinji retorted as he remembered the coldness she had when the two first met again. "Being someone's personal slave?"
Asuka widened her eyes at this last outburst from Shinji, feeling her mind going down with it.
Seeing Asuka's silence, Shinji quickly tried to continue. "Your silence answers, you don't care, you just want me to suffer, you want to know that I am languishing in a cell and hoping that one of the inmates will succeed in finishing me off, as many have tried."
Asuka raised her gaze to this last statement from Shinji, remembering that Misato had never been reported of any of this, but her proud attitude was not going to let this statement end the conversation. "Listen Bra... Baka, what do you expect this little crusade of yours to yield?"
Shinji softened his gaze, but he was still feeling agitated. "I don't want anything, I just want to die with a bit of a clear conscience."
"You talk like you're doomed." Asuka retorted annoyed as she crossed her arms over her chest, but she can't help but feel puzzled by that last statement from Shinji.
"I am doomed Shikinami." Shinji spoke somberly as he stared Asuka in the eye. "Nothing I do will help me, that's what people want and one day they will get it."
Asuka widened her eyes in shock, feeling her breath increasing as she generalized that everyone would be happy, feeling her mind boggling, she couldn't believe he was saying such a thing, knowing that the man in front of her was proving adamant, Asuka tried her last strategies. "Misato wouldn't want that."
She saw that Shinji clearly changed his posture, Asuka hoped that this might somehow help.
"Don't give me any lies." Shinji spoke somberly as he stared Asuka in the eye. "You guys never cared, and it's not going to happen now."
"Are you calling me a liar?" Asuka retorted annoyed, she could be many things, but she was not a liar.
"Yes, you are manipulative, you do everything you can to complete your mission." Shinji spoke angrily.
"That's not true, if we didn't care we would have killed you at the first chance, Misato wouldn't have allowed you to leave! " Asuka retorted indignantly.
"Do you have a problem?" Shinji replied equally irritated. "Katsuragi put a bomb choker on me, threatening to blow me up all the time for their mere enjoyment".
Asuka was shocked by it all, lowering her gaze to Shinji's accusations.
Seeing that he was succeeding in proving his point, Shinji overcome with anger continued. "You tried."
Asuka looked up and spoke dejectedly, remembering her conversation with Mari on the same subject. "I wasn't going to."
Shinji frowned annoyedly, not believing it. "Give me a break, I remember well, how was it that you said ... 'Shut up and die brat'."
"I was trying to stop you, you were causing the fourth impact! " Asuka retorted. "I wasn't going to kill you, I just wanted you to stop."
"How, by poking me to death?" Rebutted Shinji.
"You are too childish! Don't you understand what we've been through so far? You were fine sleeping!" Asuka shouted annoyed.
"And you think I wanted!? To have lost twelve years of my life!? To find out that I had lost everything!" Shinji shouted as he fought back, he could feel the emotion wanting to take over, but he wasn't going to cry.
Asuka at this point stopped talking, knowing that this was probably true.
"You don't know how I envy you!. " Shinji growled as he spoke directly into Asuka's face.
"What?" Asuka spoke confused, how could anyone envy this life?
"Yeah I envy you, even though I'm in a damn war, but I'd be on your side, I'd be on Katsuragi's side, yours and everyone else's, you have everything I wish I had the most." Shinji spoke finally feeling voice going down as he looked at the ground, "Now I have nothing, all sides of the coin want me dead, my life is one big bad joke."
"That's not true." Asuka spoke in an equally downcast voice, trying to remember all the battles they had fought.
"Yes it is, you have Katsuragi by your side, that strange girl and all." Shinji spoke as he walked over to the chair, sitting down gently, all the while keeping his head down. "You have a family, I have nothing, absolutely nothing, no one to help me, no one to care if you live or if you die."
Asuka couldn't help but feel sad at that statement, her mind wanting to say how much Misato cared about him, she just didn't know how to show it. Even she recognized that she cared, having remembered all the times she listened to Shinji crying, how she wished she could comfort him in the hard times, but her pride wasn't allowing it.
Mustering a great deal of strength to do her next act, she moistened her lips and took a deep breath. "I... I care."
Asuka watched Shinji's posture, feeling her anxiety increase with each passing second, but soon she heard a sigh coming from Shinji.
"No." Shinji spoke coldly, having his mind flooded by the moment Asuka spoke that she would not be sorry about her death, feeling his mind machine gunning him every second with the same phrase. "You don't care."
Asuka again felt a chill run down her spine at the coldness in Shinji's voice, his aggressive posture, his lifeless eyes, Asuka watched him as he turned his head and stared coldly.
"You assured me otherwise." Shinji spoke darkly, Asuka felt her body go limp, she knew what moment Shinji was referring to, lowering her gaze in remorse for what she had said that day.
"You don't remember? But I remember well." Shinji spoke as he stood up, keeping his voice level and calm, further increasing his somber tone, stopping a few feet away from Asuka, he stared at her coldly. "You called me a murderer, a monster, and coldly spoke 'You can die I wouldn't even care. '"
"I ... I ... I was angry I don't think like that." Asuka stammered as she felt a strong urge to cry.
"It is in anger that we speak the truths." Shinji spoke as he maintained his dismissive posture and cold stare. "And that's why I don't believe you."
Asuka felt as if a stone had been placed on her shoulders, not having the courage to look Shinji in the eye, her guilt was coming back in full force, knowing that this must have been one of the causes of his behavior.
"And don't give me that Katsuragi cares Shikinami." Shinji spoke as he closed his arms. "You don't care, never have, and never will."
Asuka began to gasp slightly at the venom in Shinji's voice, feeling her heart breaking with each syllable he spoke, the emotional burden he was dealing with.
Asuka knew she had done something unforgivable, knowing that Shinji must remember it every day, his mind must be torturing him with it, and yet his presence must be making things worse.
"I ..." Asuka tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come, with a downcast sigh Asuka bowed her head.
"Pathetic." Shinji spoke as he saw Asuka's lack of argument.
Asuka lifted her head, feeling her heart hurting from everything that was happening.
Shinji stared at Asuka's downcast form in front of him, soon his mind was wondering if he had crossed a line, but soon a question came up, something to do with Kaji mentioning his sister Rei.
"Shikinami?" Shinji called out to Asuka, seeing her head rising and locking in her eyes. "How is Rei? Kaji told me she's at Wunder."
Feeling the anger rising again, Asuka's mind began to think dullly. - So that's it? You only care about her? -
"You expected what? That he would jump into your arms and beg forgiveness?" Her mind retorted wryly.
Asuka can't deny that she would like to see Shinji begging for forgiveness, but her mind soon became agitated that he only cares about Rei.
"You only care about your doll." Asuka whispered dejectedly.
Shinji frowned at this, not expecting this phrase from Asuka, but managed to hold his own. "She's not a doll."
With a wry laugh, Asuka lifted her gaze and stared Shinji in the eye, having been motivated by jealousy. "Yes she is! "
"She's a doll! Gendo's doll! NERV's doll!" Asuka shouted annoyed, having images of Rei providing support for Shinji that day, having remembered Rei preparing a special meal for Shinji and his father, being her most direct rival.
Shinji listened to Asuka's attack on his sister, listening to everything intently, feeling his anger rise again as he heard this from Asuka. "She at least isn't fake, Rei may even be NERV's doll, but you ... You are WILLE's doll."
Asuka felt paralyzed at this point, her mind being flooded with memories of her sick mother in the hospital.
"Die with me Asuka."
Seeing a tear run down Asuka's face, Shinji regretted saying that, he hated to see Asuka sad, looking at her hands in front of her, soon his mind was screaming.
"See you just know how to hurt people." Her mind spoke dejectedly.
Watching Asuka turn around and go back to the couch, Shinji watched as she lay back down, bringing her hand to her face and giving a downcast sigh, Shinji whispered to himself. "I'm a monster."
(*)
The night for both of them was not a good one, Shinji could not sleep and sat watching the horizon until daybreak.
For Asuka, sleep had come, but her mind had been bombarded with Shinji's sentence, having had nightmares all night about her mother's suicide.
Opening her eyes softly, Asuka noted that she was looking into the living room of the apartment she had stayed with Shinji, her eyes soon fell on him sitting facing a window.
Asuka observed the details of his face, all the marks, the heavy dark circles around his eyes, his tired and haggard posture, knowing that he had said something that had hurt her very much the day before, but the redhead thought she deserved it, in fact she had done exactly the same thing or worse.
Getting up and feeling her body already stronger, Asuka sat up and noticed the change in Shinji's posture, watching his head turn and stare at her for a few seconds before he stood up and walked to the kitchen.
Asuka watched as a mug approached her face, lifting her gaze and seeing that it was coffee.
With a gentle sip Asuka felt the liquid helping her awaken, but soon she had realized that Shinji had not taken one. "Where's yours?" Asuka asked dejectedly.
Shinji walked over to his backpack and grabbed a new shirt, removing the old one, he replied as he put the new one on, "I already took it." Shinji lied, he didn't have enough for two doses, he decided to prioritize Asuka, taking the blame for calling her a doll.
Asuka watched as Shinji removed his shirt, seeing the marks on his body, all the old and new scars, the redhead can't deny that she remembered the discussion from the night before, about the other inmates having tried to kill him in prison.
Feeling downcast by the way Shinji's body was showing, but a doubt prevailed in Asuka. "How is it going to be today?"
Shinji dressed again, turning around and speaking to Asuka in his calm voice. "I'll take you to one of the colonies, you can go to one of the WILLE bases."
Asuka only nodded, but knowing that Shinji would not follow her back to Wunder, she felt she should try. "Baka Shinji?"
"What?" Shinji asked dismissively as he began to get his things ready.
Getting up and adjusting herself, Asuka didn't know how she was going to speak to convince Shinji. "Stop it, let's go to Wunder."
"I won't do that Shikinami." Shinji spoke as he turned and looked at her coldly.
"And what's it going to be? After you get the SEELES?" Asuka asked trying her best to remain calm.
Shinji didn't answer, but he already knew what he wanted to do when that day came. "Get ready Shikinami, we're leaving in five minutes."
Asuka only watched as Shinji left the room, feeling sad knowing she couldn't convince him for his journey, him going back to Wunder wasn't just for the safety of the world, but because her heart longed for him to be near.
Outside, Shinji was driving down a dirt road, pulling over and stopping.
Asuka watched as Shinji opened the car door, getting out together Asuka was desperately thinking about how to make him give up, turning the car around, Asuka was ready to give a speech, but the sight made her stop.
Leaning against the back of the car, Asuka watched as Shinji coughed violently, watching helplessly, her mind soon filled with worry at the sight.
"What's up Baka?" Asuka spoke as she approached.
"I'm fine." Shinji spoke as he began to get his cough under control, moving away from Asuka who was holding his arm up, he didn't want her help.
"No you're not." Asuka spoke annoyed after what she saw.
"I'm fine." Shinji spoke as he took a long breath. "There's the city, the base can be seen from here." Shinji spoke as he picked up his backpack, but his Beretta fell to the ground.
With a quick movement, Asuka picked it up and promptly pointed it at Shinji. "You come with me third."
Asuka was startled by the coldness in Shinji's eyes, seeing that he was not in the least intimidated by her threat.
"What are you going to do?" Shinji spoke dismissively, incidentally he was not afraid of death.
Asuka's eyes widened at the coldness in her voice. "I can't let you escape, you might be recaptured by NERV." Asuka was saying everything that came to mind at this moment.
The seconds seemed like an eternity as Asuka pointed the Beretta at Shinji, having seen that her last card was not having the desired effect, soon Asuka's mind was racing.
"Then that's all that matters, isn't it?" Shinji spoke still maintaining his cool posture.
But what shocked Asuka the most, was not only Shinji's lack of reaction, but his eyes, once dark blue in color, now they were black, faded, lifeless, this left Asuka's mind downcast.
"I'm not going, you can kill me I don't care." Shinji spoke as he turned and started walking in the opposite direction, mentally saying goodbye to his faithful squire, his Beretta 9mm.
Asuka only watched as Shinji turned around, feeling the anxiety running wild through her veins, she couldn't believe it, Shinji was leaving again, and the main thing, he was leaving her again.
Seeing that he really didn't care about being killed, being hurt, Asuka wanted to cry, she didn't want to believe that Shinji had come to this point, she could only react the only way she knew how.
"Go then, you selfish coward!" Asuka yelled as she felt like she was wanting to cry, feeling a lone tear running down her face, she only had two options, follow Shinji or go back to Wunder.
- Don't leave me. - Asuka's mind screamed as she watched Shinji walk away, this is what she wants to talk about, but her lips were frozen.
Her heart was screaming to follow Shinji and never let him escape again, but she knew that Wunder needed her, with a downcast sigh, Asuka got back into the car and set off towards the city, she allowed herself to cry as she drove.
Shinji was walking, taking a brief glance back he watched as Asuka walked away towards the colony, with a downcast sigh he spoke to himself as a lone tear ran down his cheek.
Falling to the ground on his knees Shinji felt his body reacting, deep down he wished he could go along with her, join Wunder and meet Misato again, but he knew the conditions were different, bringing his hand to his face Shinji cried openly.
"How I wish it was different, I'm sorry Asuka. "
(*)
Wunder.
It had been weeks since Asuka's disappearance, Misato gave a dejected sigh as she was beginning to believe she was dead.
KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
Adjusting her glasses, Misato adjusted herself at her desk. "Come in."
Hyuga opened the door slowly, seeing the downcast look on his superior's face, he didn't know how to say his next sentence. "Ma'am, I have a radio call, I don't understand."
"How could you not?" Misato asked coldly crossing her arms over her chest.
"This person wants to talk to you, directly." Hyuga spoke confused.
Looking at her subordinate, Misato frowned as she stood up, thinking deeply about Hyuga's words.
Seeing the radio in Hyuga's hands, Misato picked it up and brought it to her mouth, seeing the curious looks from everyone on Wunder's bridge.
"This is Colonel Katsuragi, who is this?" Misato asked professionally.
"Hello Colonel Katsuragi." A male voice sounded.
Misato's blood froze, she was not expecting that she would hear this voice again over the radio, taking her completely by surprise.
Everyone on the bridge watched everything with curiosity, not recognizing this echoing voice, at this moment Ritsuko entered accompanied by Rei and Mari.
Updating her superior about the current condition, Hyuga went back to waiting to get more information about this person who was talking to Misato.
Rei maintained her natural pose, Mari was still very downcast from the lack of information about Asuka, already beginning to lose her hopes.
Ritsuko observed Misato's shocked face, already judging that she knew this person on the other end of the line.
Feeling her hands shaking, Misato was frozen in place, everyone in the room was shocked, they had never seen Misato frozen in place, this only served to increase everyone's curiosity.
Knowing that she could not stay silent forever, Misato pulled herself together and spoke, trying to keep her voice steady, but failing.
"Shinji-Kun."
Author's Notes: Hello Calborghete folks here, how are you? Did you like it? I hope so. As always be sure to follow and save it to your favorites so you don't miss any future updates.
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I may not have answered the last reviews, but I assure everyone that I read them, but laziness hit hard to answer each one :-D