Chapter 10 – Lexx Lizards Lost

Another two weeks searching, and still no cluster lizards. Both Stanley and Xev were tired and worried. The constant walking was proving to be pretty exhausting. They were both seeing parts of the Lexx they had never visited before. They met up at mid-day in the food chamber. Xev walked in, sat down at a food dispenser, and began massaging a sore foot while listening to Stanley try to place an order.

"So Lexx," Stanley said while rubbing his hands together, "What I want is a roast beef sandwich. You know, where the roast beef is thinly sliced, on pumpernickel bread, toasted with melted cheese – but not too melted – just enough to be soft without being runny. Oh, and mustard – not the yellow kind, but a spicy brown mustard, with a pickle and a bit of lettuce too. Do you think you can do that Lexx?"

The Lexx responded by sneezing a blob of blue-green gunk with the consistency of rice pudding out of a dangling dispenser tube into a basin. The blob hit the basin, and began to slowly sag and spread. Stanley ran two fingers through the spreading mess and gave it a taste. "Oh come on Lexx!" Stanley cried in frustration.

"What is a roast beef sandwich, Stan?" asked the Lexx.

"I don't know why you bother," commented Xev, switching to the other foot. "No matter what you ask for, the Lexx always gives us the same thing." She pointed at the blob. "That."

"Well I was hoping it might at least have a different flavor or texture," replied Stanley, who began scooping up and eating his meal. "Then I could close my eyes and pretend I was eating something else."

"You can eat something else." Xev gave the dispenser tube in front of her a pull and squeeze, and was rewarded with an allotment of the same blue-green sustenance. Like Stanley, she scooped a bit up and began eating. "Once we're done with our search, we can fly back to the clearing, forage and cook a campfire meal. I could use a change myself."

"Tempting..." Stanley thought about it. "But with the recent rain during this so-called dry season, the flies are worse than ever. I may have to give it a pass."

Xev grinned. "Your loss," she replied as she finished eating. "To the bridge?"

"To the bridge." Stanley slowly stood up, a bit stiff, and together they headed off. "You know, I haven't wanted to say anything, but we need to be thinking about alternatives to finding cluster lizards."

"I know," replied Xev. "I've been thinking the same thing. You said before we have nothing to trade, but that's not really true. We have ourselves."

"So what are you proposing?" smiled Stanley. "Standing on a street corner somewhere holding a sign that says 'Get it here'?"

"Yes Stanley, go right ahead," replied Xev with a grin. "But I had something else in mind. I've been talking to 790 about this galaxy. The Lexx is bigger than almost anything the locals have. What if we offered our services delivering bulk cargo?"

"I don't know Xev. Certainly the Lexx has a lot of wide open spaces inside, but I'm not certain how easily that could be used. The Lexx was not designed to be a cargo hauler. And besides," Stanley said, waving his hands as he walked. "How do we get ourselves set up in business? There are bound to be license fees, inspections, registrations, certifications, docking fees and other stuff. Rules and regulations we know nothing about. All of that requires startup money we don't have."

Xev shook her head. "You're thinking way too official, and all that would take too long. I imagine there are plenty of people or organizations who would be interested in the services of an unlicensed and unregistered ship. The rebels for a start, or people trading in illicit goods."

"You want us to become smugglers?"

"Why not?" queried Xev as they walked onto the bridge. She peered more closely at Stanley. "You lived too long on the Cluster, didn't you? You don't seem the rebel type."

"I was a rebel!" protested Stanley. "But, you know, even rebellions need an organizational structure. I just happened to be at the bottom of that structure."

"So good of you to confirm what I've always suspected," said 790 as he rolled up to Xev and Stanley. "Once a loser, always a loser."

"Oh yeah?" retorted Stanley. "If I'm such a loser, where's your body?"

"At least I wasn't born this way," 790 fired back.

"Children!" Xev shouted, holding up her arms like a referee. "This stops now! I want you two to work together. 790, do you think you can make me happy and actually be useful to Stanley, especially when I'm not around?"

790 was quiet for a moment. "Oh Xev my beloved! The things you ask of me! But if it will make you happy…" 790 growled in Stanley's direction "…then I'll work with Tweedle. But I won't like it."

"I'm not asking you to like it," responded Xev. "But it will make me very happy for you to work with Stanley."

"Oh all right." 790 looked dejected. "Anything to make you happy my sweet."

"So, 790," said Stanley, eager to put this to the test. "We completed searching the latest areas of the Lexx, and still nothing. Where do we search next?"

"Nowhere. There are no more corridors left to search."

"What?" Xev and Stanley said together. "But I thought the search would take up to three weeks!" continued Stanley. "It's only been two."

"And the key words are 'up to' three weeks. Besides, both of you have been putting in long hours searching. That reduced the corridor search to two weeks."

Xev turned without a word and hurried off the bridge. Stanley expected her to head down the corridor as they usually did. Instead, he heard the sound of a moth taking off from the bridge landing pad.

"Where's Xev going?" asked a puzzled 790.

"Out," replied Stanley. "I guess she needs to absorb the news." Stanley turned to 790 and noticed it had a guilty expression on its display. "Hey 790, don't worry about it. It's not like it's your fault, and Xev has been doing really well. She'll get over it. Is there anywhere else to look?"

"You could search Lexx's digestive tract."

"Why?" asked a suspicious Stanley. "Wouldn't any cluster lizards in there have been destroyed long ago?"

"Yes."

"So why search the digestive tract?"

"Because then I could have Xev all to myself."

It was now late afternoon, and Xev had not returned to the Lexx. Stanley was concerned and took a moth out. Sure enough, when he arrived at the now-familiar clearing, there was the damaged moth, with a second moth parked beside it. He could also see a fire burning at their campsite. Stanley circled around and landed his moth beside the other two. This place is turning into a moth parking lot, he thought to himself.

Stanley walked up to the campfire and sat down next to Xev. She had some vegetables circled around the fire and a pair of fish skewered on sticks cooking above the flame. The scene brought back memories of their first night on Dagobah. He smiled.

"I had been hoping to find Yoda," Xev said as she used a pair of sticks to begin turning the vegetables. "But we did finish up early. I'd like to stay here until he returns. We don't really have a way to get in touch with him after all…. What? What are you smiling about?"

Stanley chuckled. "Oh, nothing really. I was just thinking that out here on Dagobah, hunting your own food and stuff really seems to suit you."

Xev smiled. "Yeah, I guess Dagobah brings out the primitive in me. See those?" She pointed to the fish. "I caught those myself earlier today. Yoda showed me a fibrous plant that can be pulled apart and used as a fishing line. Just tie a piece of fruit to one end, trail it in the water, and with patience you have dinner."

"You fished the Big Bad Pond?" asked a surprised Stanley.

"Yes I did," Xev replied with pride. "Oh, don't worry," she said at the look of alarm on Stanley's face. "I didn't do anything stupid like stand at the water's edge. I found a tree that leans out over the water, and fished from there, well above and out of reach. I don't think the creature ever knew I was there."

"I would never assume that creature doesn't know I'm there," Stanley said, concern clearly showing on his face.

"Oh I absolutely agree with you on that point." Xev looked around the clearing and up into the night sky. "But still, there's something about this place… something that makes me feel connected to everything around me. Maybe it has something to do with the Force Yoda talks about, or maybe I'm just imagining it – I don't know. While I will always be careful while fishing, I really do feel the creature was never aware of my presence."

"Look, I don't know if this Force is real or not…." Stanley trailed off at the look he was getting from Xev. "Okay, fine. Yoda somehow moved the damaged moth. But at least I do know Yoda is real, so I brought you this." Stanley pulled a small comm unit out of his pocket and handed it to Xev. "Just give him that next time he's here."

"Stanley! How thoughtful," Xev beamed, looking around. "Now where can I put this so it doesn't get lost?"

Stanley stood up and held out his hand. "How about if I put it in your moth for now? We can figure something out later."

"Thanks," said Xev, handing back the comm. She turned to watch Stanley make his delivery. There are times when Stanley can surprise me in a nice way, she thought, as Stanley returned and sat beside Xev once again.

"As it happens, I have enough food here for both of us. Would you care for something to eat?" she offered.

Stanley smiled. "I thought you'd never ask." He watched quietly as Xev began to move the vegetables away from the fire to let them cool. "You know one thing I've discovered?" he said, and continued without waiting for an answer. "If I sit right next to you, the flies leave me alone. Well, mostly alone. You seem to have an anti-fly aura about you."

Xev gave a little laugh. "And it's a good thing too; otherwise I'd be in big trouble." She reached out with her hand and tested a vegetable. It was cool enough. She handed it off to Stanley. "Here. Just peal that back and try it," she instructed.

"Hey! This is good," said a surprised Stanley who quickly wolfed it down.

"It may not be a roast beef sandwich," Xev said with a smile. "But it sure beats the stuff the Lexx feeds us. And you don't have to pretend it's something else."

As they ate their food, Stanley considered their surroundings. "You know, I'm starting to see why you like this place. But if you are going to live here long-term, you definitely need shelter. Yoda did say this is the dry season – and unusually dry at that. There are only so many days you can sleep under the open sky."

"Oh, don't worry Stanley," Xev said, giving his arm a pat. "I'm not planning to settle down yet. There's still a whole galaxy out there we know nothing about. I'd like to see more of it." Xev paused. "You know, you still haven't tried sleeping out under the open sky like I've been doing. Why don't you give it a try?"

"Are you kidding? The flies would eat me alive," Stanley said with a shudder.

Xev was disappointed but tried to not let it show. "All right. I still think you're missing out." She yawned. "Well, I'm ready to go to sleep. Will you be back in the morning?"

"I can do that. See you in the morning then." Stanley got up, gave a friendly wave and walked off towards the moths.

Above Dagobah, an old military surplus spy-bot slipped into orbit. It was not particularly sophisticated, but for the images it recorded on the ground, it didn't need to be. After a few orbits, it transmitted its report and initiated an uncontrolled decent into atmosphere at an angle ensuring the spy-bot would completely burn up at high altitude. To an observer on the ground, it would look like just another meteor.