Hi guys, Calborghete here, how are you all? I hope everyone is doing well.
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So now without further ado, enjoy your reading.
"Dialogues"
- Thoughts -
"Radio Talk"
"Self talk."
Liability Note:
Evangelion, its characters and setting are the property of Hideaki Anno. Any brands, movies and series mentioned in this Fanfic are the property of their creators.
(*)
Chapter 11 - Reunion
Misato was in her office, her mind on the moment that had passed a few hours ago, looking at her desk and trying desperately to concentrate on the task in front of her, but she knew this was impossible.
Ritsuko was looking at her tablet analyzing the statuses of Wunder's systems, but she could hear Misato's snorts, already knowing the reason behind it, the whole Wunder was only talking about one thing and that thing was the capture of Shinji Ikari.
"Shit." Misato whispered, but Ritsuko's attentive ears could hear, with a sigh and putting down her tablet and facing her old friend.
"What is it?" Ritsuko asked keeping her posture cool.
Misato kept her head down, she didn't want to show any emotion, raising her head slightly as she listened to her friend, looking Ritsuko in the eye, Misato thought of the right words.
After an uncomfortable silence, Misato began to speak. "It's Shinji."
Ritsuko only nodded, already knowing that this was the cause of Misato's problems. "What about it?"
Having the memories of Shinji's capture, Misato still couldn't believe her eyes locked on how weakened he was, the look of pure anger and hatred he presented in the moments they faced each other in Keel Lorenz's office.
"What did the council say about that?" Ritsuko asked coldly as she lit a cigarette.
Misato only nodded slightly, remembering the conversation they had, raising his gaze to Ritsuko's eyes and staring at them strongly.
(*)
Flash Back
Misato's hands were still shaking, having her back to Wunder after stopping Shinji from killing Keel Lorenz, her head still had the memory of her men carrying unconscious Shinji out.
"Colonel Katsuragi." General Yamamoto's voice came up, bringing Misato out of her mental reverie, soon the Wunder commander looked at the screen in front of her revealing the WILLE high command, everyone was silent.
"General." Misato greeted her superior, soon her eyes fell on the others. "Colonels."
"You have updates?" Yamamoto spoke hopefully, all eyes of the council locked on Misato, everyone was waiting for her words.
"Yes." Misato spoke as she adjusted herself, returning to her normal form, keeping her posture cold and calculating. "Approximately two hours ago, we intercepted the person who was putting the life of WILLE's great well-wisher at risk, we captured him, and he was currently in Wunder's cells."
"And who was this person?" Yamamoto asked professionally. "Is it someone you know?"
Misato gave a small imperceptible sigh, but she spoke nonetheless. "Yes, the person who was threatening the life of WILLE's benefactor was Shinji Ikari."
Soon everyone started talking simultaneously, the only one keeping a cool posture was General Yamamoto who leaned forward and put his hands together in front of his face in a thoughtful posture.
"Hahaha ... I knew it, no one runs away from WILLE." Colonel Nikolai spoke as he got a smile on his face.
"Stop it, we could have caught him a long time ago." Colonel German spoke keeping a serious posture. "That council let him do what he was doing."
"And what does that matter?" Rebutted Colonel Nikolai as he adjusted himself, he still maintained his cheerful posture. "We caught two birds with one shot."
"Easy comrade." Soon Colonel Anderson spoke sarcastically, exchanging a brief glance with his German colleague. "We still have a few things to discuss."
"Like what?" spoke the French Colonel curiously, he knew Shinji's situation was still very delicate regarding everything.
"Isn't it obvious?" The German Colonel spoke seriously.
After he said these words, everyone was silent, understanding what these words meant, and soon all eyes locked on Yamamoto.
"Colonel Katsuragi." General Yamamoto spoke, locking his steely gaze on Misato who remained neutral, her mind wanting to do something else at the moment rather than be talking to the council. "What else do you have to report?"
Misato shook herself internally at being called, still at Shinji's words accusing Keel Lorenz of being SEELE 01, this had puzzled her, for so far he had not been wrong about SEELES.
Hearing her name being called again, Misato raised her head and spoke strongly. "Yes general ... Before he was captured, Shinji was accusing Keel Lorenz of being SEELE 01."
Soon again larger numbers of voices sounded in the gathering, they were all speaking together, some supporting Shinji's claim, giving him credit for not yet having gone wrong in his search for SEELES, others saying that he had finally gone crazy.
"Silence!" General Yamamoto shouted, looking at the faces with a strong, bored look on his face. "If you want to speak, speak one at a time!"
"Sir, if I may." Soon the French colonel took the floor, receiving looks from everyone including Misato's. "Shinji Ikari is an unstable person, his word is worthless."
Misato felt her throat itch at this statement, her mind struggling to believe Shinji's words, knowing the journey for justice and how he was striving to put the real culprits in prison, but still a doubt was in Misato's mind, what would Shinji gain from this? Keeping himself anonymous like this in the captures.
"I may not like him ... But did he make a mistake before?" Colonel Nikolai spoke as he joined in the conversation, Misato could see his face turn into a pained expression as he gave strength in Shinji's activities.
WILLE was on the search for SEELE members before and they were never successful in their search, only with Shinji's escape from prison were they able to get their hands on some members of the secret group.
"That's not relevant." Rebutted Colonel French feeling annoyed that he was not getting the support he thought he would.
"Of course it is!" Spoke the German Colonel strongly, feeling annoyed that her colleagues were not looking at the information in front of her. "Even though this information is being delivered by Shinji Ikari, it doesn't mean it's a lie! We can't ignore that one of our greatest collaborators may be one of the orchestrators of this shitty world!"
"Keep calm colonel, we all have to be calm at times like this." Warned General Yamamoto, keeping a calm posture with his hands together to his face.
"Sorry sir." Apologized Colonel German, taking a breath to return to her posture.
"I agree with her." Colonel Anderson spoke as he faced his German colleague and exchanged a brief glance with his Russian colleague. "Even if this information came from Shinji, it cannot be wasted."
"That's absurd!" Spoke Colonel Sanches strongly. "Keel Lorenz was one of the founders of WILLE! His work in preservation proves his character!"
"That is the most dangerous thing." Spoke Colonel Nikolai somberly, soon everyone's eyes fell on him. "The holiest are the most dangerous."
"Gentlemen, we will deal with the complaint another time." General Yamamoto put a stop to the Lorenz matter, clasping his hands tighter. "Now we must deal with the Shinji Ikari matter."
A deadly silence arose in the room, Yamamoto looked at everyone waiting for words, soon his eyes fell on Misato. "Colonel Katsuragi."
Misato was looking at everyone with her arms crossed on her chair, keeping a cold posture, hardly reacting to her superior's call, she only gave a slight movement with her head signaling that she had his attention.
"How is the prisoner? How is his situation?" Yamamoto asked professionally.
Misato sighed internally, she had not yet spoken to Shinji, her only information had been that they had re-installed the DSS choker as a precaution.
"He's sedated in the detention wing." Misato spoke as she looked down, but no one could see her eyes that were behind her sunglasses, she knew she would have to face Shinji when he woke up, feeling the anxiety take over her body as this moment began to become more and more of a reality.
"So your interrogation has yet to begin?" Yamamoto spoke as he dropped his hands and scratched his forehead dismissively, he seemed to be the only one who was taking this situation calmly.
"Unfortunately not." Misato spoke with a slight touch of sadness in her voice, but she soon recovered. "Your sedation hasn't worn off yet."
"Right." Yamamoto spoke as he returned to his previous position. "You have recovered Unit 01?"
Everyone looked at Misato at this point, everyone was waiting for Misato's response.
"Unfortunately not." Misato spoke coldly, that would still have to happen.
"And may I know why?" Yamamoto asked coldly, feeling his irritation rising, he had already expected to have this Unit recovered.
"When Shinji Ikari had been captured, he soon had to be sedated, his determination was to finish off Keel Lorenz." Misato spoke as he remembered the moment.
"You can hide behind WILLE SEELE 01, but you can't hide from me!" Shinji's voice echoed through Misato's mind, still feeling puzzled by this, but she soon removed it from her head, she had to answer the question.
"Then we can only assume she is nearby, we will get her location when he is awake." Misato completed quickly to pull himself together in the face of WILLE's advice.
Yamamoto only nodded, but soon he asked something that made Misato anxious. "What about his safety? What have you done to ensure that he can't escape again? For as far as we know, Shinji Ikari has developed good grappling skills."
Misato swallowed dryly, knowing that most likely the rumors about Shinji's abilities were real and that everyone would have to be very careful with him.
"He is in the detention wing, I received the information that he again had been placed with a DSS choker, being set on automatic, even if he leaves Wunder it will detonate."
Misato lowered her gaze, feeling dejected to learn that Shinji was again wearing this choker, feeling that it would not help establish a trust again with Shinji.
"You said you would help him, this is the time to start." Her mind spoke dismissively, bringing back memories of her conversations with Ritsuko and her thoughts regarding Shinji.
"Sir ... If I may speak." Misato spoke nervously, she knew that defying the council was a dangerous path, but she had to start compensating Shinji somehow.
Yamamoto felt giving her permission, deep down he already knew what Misato's request would be, and this was something he could not give.
"With the possibility of the council offering you a deal to fight on our side." Misato watched Yamamoto stand like a stone in his seat, but all the other members moved uncomfortably in their seats. "If we want him to trust us to fight on our side, wouldn't it be wrong for him to have a gun to his head at all times?"
Before Yamamoto could speak his reply, Colonel Nikolai spoke up annoyed. "Have you gone mad?"
Misato just stared, keeping a cold and calculating posture, she wasn't giving any bodily information, but her mind was screaming at him to fuck off for talking to her like that.
"Are you really suggesting that if, and it is a big if, that we let him walk and pilot freely?" Spoke Nikolai keeping his posture calm, but highly threatening.
"Trust is a two-way street." Spoke Colonel German, giving strength to Misato's argument.
"Unfortunately Shinji is a dangerous person to the world, we all know his role in the third impact and the fourth impact." Colonel Anderson spoke as he let out a sigh. "I don't think he should be without his choker, that is our insurance."
"He dies at the hands of NERV or ours." Colonel German spoke dejectedly, still not finding this situation fair. "Good way to start a conversation."
"He still helped his father in the third impact, helping in the capture of the SEELE does not prove his innocence." Soon Colonel French spoke with disdain.
Yamamoto soon spoke up giving the final word. "Colonel Katsuragi, I think the opinions show our point." Yamamoto spoke as he stared Misato down hard. "Shinji Ikari is still a liability, his actions with the SEELES show that he may be able to work alongside us yes, but that doesn't change the fact that he destroyed our world, he will keep the choker."
Misato clasped her hands together, knowing that the General's words were an end to this matter, she could only wait for Shinji's cooperation, she could only accept it and be quiet.
"Give us updates when he wakes up and gets questioned." Yamamoto spoke as he adjusted himself in his chair. "When we have had Unit 01 and all the information we want, we will discuss whether to make a deal or not."
Hearing this, Misato watched as all the screens turned off and everything went blank, she only gave a long sigh and brought her hands to her face, Shinji's return was a touchy subject for Misato. "Shit."
End of flash back
(*)
"Wow." Ritsuko spoke as she threw up a cloud of smoke, having heard all that Misato spoke. "But I can understand them."
Misato felt shocked, but didn't show it, still keeping her strong posture.
Ritsuko only stared at Misato's firm stance, she decided to continue. "Shinji is still a danger, his emotions are a risk to us, the choker is our best option."
Misato only shook her head, feeling disappointed in her friend for her words, coldly retorting. "And you think she will control Shinji? The council wants a deal, what's it going to be, do or die?"
"I may not see Shinji as you do, but I think of the welfare of the world, I won't let your feelings for him put the world at risk again." Ritsuko spoke as she faced Misato strongly. "Should I remind you of what he did two years ago?"
Misato was somber as she remembered Shinji's escape from Wunder, knowing that her actions put the world at risk again by almost causing the fourth impact, but soon her memories of Ritsuko telling her to trigger the choker and her role in building the EVAS, of Wunder not working due to Shinji's loss in prison, the how WILLE had to risk putting in an S2 engine for Wunder to get back in the air.
Looking at Ritsuko's satisfied face, Misato spoke coldly as she remembered things from the past. "If we are talking about the past Akagi, should I remind you that you always knew about the real potential of EVAS?" Misato watched Ritsuko's face turn grim, knowing she had hit a nerve and continued. "If not for Kaji and his search for the truth in NERV, that secret would have died with you."
Ritsuko felt her body go rigid at this, knowing that this was a stain on her conscience.
"You are as guilty as Gendo." Misato spoke smiling internally, but externally she kept up the cold facade. "And regarding the choker, what do you think would happen if I had killed Shinji that day? You saw what happened to Unit 01 when he was imprisoned for life. What would killing him do to Wunder?"
"I didn't know that." Ritsuko tried to rebut, but she knew her friend was right, her actions that day had put the world and Wunder at risk, all could have been lost with a simple push of a button.
"Then don't blame me for thinking differently." Misato spoke calmly more menacingly. "If I want to fix things, at least a little, I'll try."
Ritsuko felt the tension take hold of her at this moment. "That's fine, but what about the crew? Are you willing to put them at risk to try to fix the past?"
"The crew will be fine." Misato spoke coldly as she crossed her arms.
"What about Shinji's safety? Do you think he will be safe? That you'll be able to keep him safe like the old days?" Ritsuko tried to pounce on Misato's failure to be a guardian.
Sensing which way Ritsuko was trying to lead, nodding at Ritsuko's words, remembering moments involving her crew regarding Shinji's life, Midori's words came back strongly, she remembered Shinji's behavior and his fighting skills, Misato spoke confidently.
"I may have failed as a guardian, but even you must know how Shinji now knows how to defend himself, how willing he is even to kill."
Ritsuko only widened her eyes softly at Misato's coldness, she listened to the rest quietly.
"At least I can know that he can defend himself and I can tell you one thing, I'm feeling sorry if anyone tries anything." Misato speaks somberly as she imagines the situation Shinji would have to face if he became a crew member, hoping that things never had to get ugly to the point of people dying, but the reality was this, Shinji would have to know how to defend himself, she wouldn't always be by his side to help him.
Ritsuko was slightly wide-eyed, Misato was willing to let Shinji hurt the crew if someone challenged him. "Are you willing to let him do all this just to have it in your life again?"
Misato was getting ready to answer when a call echoed through her office, still keeping her sights on Ritsuko the whole time. "What?"
"Sorry to interrupt ma'am, but as per orders given, the prisoner has just woken up." The voice of the person in charge of the security wing reported.
Misato lowered her gaze to the communication device. "Good, take him to the interrogation room."
Picking up her Colonel's coat, Misato walked past Ritsuko as if she wasn't there, her mind focused on how she was going to begin her conversation with Shinji, if Asuka's words were correct, this conversation was going to be difficult and tense.
- Please cooperate Shinji-Kun. - Misato thought anxiously as she walked to the detention wing.
(*)
"Hi Shinji."
Misato asked, maintaining the rigid and cold posture she had cultivated in these fourteen years of war, acting automatically, even though she didn't want to give that image.
Shinji just stared at Misato, his mind flooded with memories, he could feel that his heart would burst out of his chest with the force the beats were making, his mind was screaming, but he stood his ground.
Seconds that passed seemed like hours in the small room, the only sounds that could be heard were Shinji and Misato's breathing.
"If you don't cooperate it will get difficult." Misato spoke as she placed her hands on the table. "Then there's no way I can understand your side of the story."
Shinji only gave a bored sigh, looked down at his heavily restrained hands on the table and looked again into Misato's eyes, soon he spoke.
"Colonel Katsuragi." Shinji spoke keeping his voice calm, but Misato could feel the venom in his voice, but listening and seeing how calm he was speaking made Misato uncomfortable. "Who says I want you to understand my side? "
Misato swallowed dryly at the coldness in his voice, feeling a shiver run down her spine she could hold herself together, but before she could say another thing, Shinji asked.
Speaking while looking at the glass wall next to him, Shinji looked in the mirror and could see his reflection, but what intrigued him the most was who would be on the other side. "Who is watching us?"
Misato widened her eyes softly, but Shinji didn't notice due to her sunglasses. "What?" Misato asked confused.
Shinji looked at Misato again into her eyes even though they were covered, Misato could feel that he was looking into her soul.
"That's right." Shinji spoke dismissively, maintaining his cool pose at all times. "Who came to the show?"
Misato looked briefly at the mirror on the wall, not knowing if there were other people on the other side, Misato spoke as firmly as she could, but her discomfort was on other levels.
"No one." Misato answered directly into Shinji's eyes, trying to show that she was speaking the truth.
Shinji gave a brief laugh, this only intrigued Misato. "Do you really think we are alone? Do you still?" Shinji spoke coldly.
Before Misato could answer, Shinji continued to speak strongly. "Who's there on the other side? Akagi with the detonator? Just waiting to get the location of Unit 01 and then activate it?"
Misato felt her anxiety rise, soon her eyes fell on the choker Shinji was wearing, she responded as best she could. "The activation of the choker is up to you, not me."
Misato watched Shinji give another fake laugh, it was already making her uncomfortable. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing." Shinji spoke as he stopped laughing abruptly, changing his tone visibly. "Just say it Katsuragi what do you want? For we both know that you didn't come here to see me."
Misato felt her hands trembling slightly, she knew this was going to be difficult, she wished she could say she was happy to see Shinji again, but this was proving to be more complicated than usual.
"I'm here to find out about several things Shinji-Kun." Misato decided to use Shinji's name in a more informal way, hoping to be able to show some trust in Shinji.
"How are you?"
Shinji clearly showed his face show confusion, still not being able to understand Misato's point, this only made his anger increase. "Why do you ask? As if you care."
Misato visibly shuddered at Shinji's tone, but she listened attentively.
"We both know that is not your focus." Shinji spoke with a level and calm voice. "You just want to know about Unit 01."
Misato lowered his gaze to the table, completely ignoring Shinji's tone, her mind wanted some answers, knowing about Unit 01 was one of them, but the main one was knowing Shinji's motivations. "Do you realize what you have done?"
"Did what?" Shinji asked with false ignorance, he already knew what the point of Misato's question was.
Misato rolled her eyes at Shinji's cluelessness, it was already making her start to lose patience. "All that Shinji!"
Shinji gave a little jump when Misato raised his voice, but that only made his anger increase as well. "And what does that matter!?"
Misato felt surprised by Shinji's outburst, she didn't expect it, she just watched.
"So! What does it matter? It's not like you guys care!" Shinji yelled as he began to release the built-up tension of being face to face with Misato again, millions of memories flooded his head, giving him fuel. "You don't want to know! You just want to know why I stopped your private show!"
Misato watched it all in shock, remembering when Asuka told her about Shinji's words about her extremist ideas, she couldn't let Shinji talk forever. "And that was your plan?!"
"You get this heroine pose, but why do you care!?" Shinji retorted as he tried to adjust himself, but the restraints on his hands stopped him.
Misato paused for a few moments, thinking over her words carefully to get the right message across, but all she could see was the image of Shinji giving a stark contrast to her memories about this person sitting in front of her.
"What happened to you?"
"You still ask?" Shinji spoke dismissively as he looked away. "Reality has happened."
Misato watched the whole thing, her mind was downcast at her words.
"Did you really think I was going to rot in jail?" Shinji asked dejectedly, remembering his last two years, everything that had happened. "Having been discarded like trash, like a nothing, being a monster."
Misato felt her heart breaking at that last sentence, but she kept her outward posture, knowing that she had not contacted Shinji and to this day she didn't know why.
Shinji raised his gaze to Misato's face that remained steady, this was only fueling his distorted vision, deep down Shinji's mind was screaming to ask why he was so easily dismissed, he wanted to know why Misato didn't see him as a person, but as a killer.
Misato listened to Shinji's words, she wished she could have the answers he wanted, but she knew she could never have them, the truth was that even she didn't know why, all those years of war had changed her and several of those changes were not for the good.
"I can see that in you, I can answer your first question." Shinji spoke as he felt calmer, "You don't want to know how I am, you just want to know about Unit 01."
Misato gave a dejected sigh, still feeling for Shinji's words, he was not making it easy for her.
"But if that's what you want." Shinji spoke as he looked down at the table, being facing Misato again was making her mind take great effort to stay calm and controlled, but she knew that was only momentary.
Seeing Misato's gaze lift, Shinji gave a small smile as he saw what Misato's real interest was. "She's in a cave, twenty-five kilometers north of Dusseldorf II."
Misato only looked at Shinji's face, feeling dejected that he thought she was only there to learn about Unit 01, if this was the real reason for her visit she would have sent someone else.
Shinji just watched Misato lower her head slightly, he knew that by now they must be holding their course, it was very likely that the whole ship would be watching their misfortune.
"If that's all you want, can you send me back?" Shinji asked annoyed.
"No, we still have a lot to talk about." Misato retorted sharply.
Shinji rolled his eyes, this was already too much for him.
"Why did you do that?" Misato again asked, her mind screaming for answers.
"Why does it matter?" Shinji asked wearily. "I know it's only a matter of time before they throw me back into that hell again, so my motives don't matter."
"It matters to me." Misato retorted, already feeling her body losing patience with Shinji.
Shinji looked up and faced Misato strongly, but his eyes only conveyed sadness, still thinking about Misato's question, his mind was working to try to understand Misato's motivations in wanting to know.
With a haggard and weary sigh, Shinji whispered. "Relieve."
Misato blinked in confusion, "Relieve what?"
"Relieve the guilt." Shinji replied as he felt his emotions were managing to take over his body, his mind remembering the conversation with Kaji and Asuka on the same subject.
Misato knew what guilt he was talking about, having this burden on his shoulders can't have been easy for him, but before she could speak again, Shinji continued.
"But in the end, everything is the same." Shinji spoke as he closed his eyes and gave a fake smile. "My end will be the same."
"What do you mean?" Misato asked puzzled.
"Isn't it obvious?" Shinji spoke dejectedly as he looked at the table, but soon he raised his head and spoke directly. "Will it be alone in a cell? Tied up facing a firing squad? Tied to a table while they inject something? Or have your head blown off? People's number one request."
"Shinji..." Misato began to speak, trying to somehow manage to formulate some sentence, but she had been cut off.
"Katsuragi, you can stop your theatrics, you already have what you want." Shinji spoke in a meek voice. "Let's get it over."
Misato closed her fists in frustration, her mind had been flooded with the situations Shinji had described, standing up and slamming her hands on the table.
"You brat!"
"You think that's what I want?" Misato shouted as she lost her posture.
"Yes!" Shinji shouted back. "Stop pretending! You don't care!"
"Cut the shit Shinji!" Misato retorted strongly annoyed, mentally thanking herself that there was no one in the next room seeing that side of her. "If I wanted you dead you'd already be!"
"What do you want from me?!" Shinji shouted back.
"I want you to stop doing shit Shinji!" Misato retorted, still keeping her voice high.
"And what the fuck did I do, answer me?" Shinji returned in the same intensity. "You talk as if we were best friends."
That last sentence caught Misato off guard, she was sad to see that Shinji saw her as an enemy, but she soon recovered and spoke back. "What was in your head to scape out of prison?" Misato spoke as she calmed down, still staring into Shinji's eyes at all times, using everything she knew to look for his motivations and lies.
"What was in my head?" Shinji retorted angrily. "You guys I had in my head!"
Misato took a small step backwards at that, she hadn't expected it.
"Yeah, I had you guys in mind." Shinji spoke as he stared at Misato strongly. "Don't you know how long I waited to see you again and what I got? Nothing!"
Misato felt her hands shaking with Shinji's outburst.
"You abandoned me to die in a prison alone." Shinji felt his eyes burning, but he was not going to cry. "I mofoed for two years, I got nothing, that's when I found out I was never going to get anything from you, you already had what you wanted!"
Misato raised her head upon hearing this. "What did we want? Do you really think this is what I wanted for you? You didn't give us a chance Shinji!"
"And you gave me?" Shinji growled at Misato, his mind soon remembering the stares he had received on the bridge. "All you did was treat me like a murderer."
"We didn't know how to deal with you! " Misato retorted as she remembered that moment as well.
"Yes, you knew very well!" Shinji shouted again. "You people never came for me! I was only toast to satiate the hatred of your crew!"
"Would you have understood?! Would you have understood Shinji!?" Misato retorted strongly annoyed.
"Yes I would have!" Shinji retorted, "When I woke up I knew nothing! You treated me as if I had helped my father!"
Misato was silent about this accusation from Shinji, still not knowing why she treated Shinji so coldly.
"Yeah, that's right." Shinji spoke as he controlled his voice. "You guys thought I helped my dad."
"You guys never gave me a chance." Shinji spoke dejectedly. "Never, you had your culprit that day, all you wanted was revenge and you were ready to have it."
"What did you think was going to happen to you?" Misato asked puzzled and downcast.
"I don't know, you answer me." Shinji retorted. "You had control, what would it be? Wipe the floor or die? Serve as sexual entertainment for the crew or die? Or simply the best, watch me blow Shinji's head off to satiate the crew's hatred, by the way they deserved that entertainment after all that shit. "
SLAP
Shinji felt his cheek burning, looking at the floor of the interrogation room, he could see Misato's feet standing near him, raising his head and watching her aggressive posture, keeping a satisfied smile on his face.
"See, that's what I think would have happened."
Misato was still standing staring at Shinji with a fierce look, her mind was screaming at the things Shinji said, at the things he thought she would do just to satisfy the crew's hatred, but deep down she was sad, strongly depressed by the vision he had of her.
"That's something your father would do." Misato spoke as she felt her hands closing, still feeling the effect of Shinji's words on her.
"That's something you would do." Shinji spoke as he adjusted himself again. "So what's it going to be, Colonel Katsuragi? When is my flight to the prison going to be? So you guys can go back for your fun."
"You need help Shinji." Misato spoke still facing Shinji with a dark look, again her mind had been flooded with memories of the old days, how Shinji was a pure and kind hearted person who always went out of his way to help others, even too much in her view.
But now what she saw was a broken man, who kept this cold posture only as a great facade, as she stared at Shinji's face, she could still see that frightened boy who was standing in front of a public telephone fifteen years ago.
But the most shocking thing was his eyes, they were the eyes of a person who suffered a lot in life, more than any other person, they were the eyes of an abandoned person, who didn't value his own life, but his reverie was broken with the next sentence and Shinji.
"I don't need any help Katsuragi, everything I wanted most I can't have." Shinji spoke as he felt his eyes burning again, a memory popped into his mind, one he hadn't thought about in a long time. "Do you know what my biggest regret was?"
Misato just stared at him, still wanting to scream for words, but seeing his extremely downcast look she just stared, she was already judging it to be about the third impact.
"When I was fourteen, I was at my aunt and uncle's house." Shinji gave a small laugh, still not believing the words he was about to reveal. "They didn't want me in their house, that's where I learned how to clean and cook and stuff."
Misato listened attentively, still wanting to understand Shinji's point.
"And when I learned, everything became my responsibility, everything ... Can you imagine, an eight-year-old child taking care of a big house?" Shinji spoke to no one, the part he wanted to talk about was coming. "One day, I was in my room, if that was a room, no one cared about me, all the time I was listening to my uncles discussing when I would leave."
Misato again sat up, listening to everything, but her mind was soon overwhelmed by the thought of Shinji not being liked by anyone in her family.
"I took all the pills I could find." Shinji spoke as he smiled at the nothingness, his mind totally focused on his memory.
Misato felt her eyes widen, already knowing what the end of this memory would be, but she decided to wait for him to finish.
"One night I started taking everything, I don't even know how many pills it was." Shinji spoke as he stared Misato in the eye, he could see her posture change and become haggard.
"I was about to take the last capsules when my aunt knocked on the door, she had a letter." Shinji spoke as he became downcast. "It was a letter from my father, he finally wanted me back in his life, I was very happy."
"Finally I was going to have a family again, I had never felt so alive again." Shinji spoke with a dreamy look on his face, Misato watched everything intently, but she could feel the sadness in his voice. "I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything, but I still had a really bad time at night."
Shinji turned his gaze to Misato again, finally telling her that he had already tried to kill himself in his life. "You know what I got? Nothing, he didn't want me around, I was just useful, a tool for everyone."
Misato was feeling shocked, she had no idea that Shinji had tried to commit suicide before, this made all her anger disappear like magic.
"That's my biggest regret Katsuragi, if I hadn't believed he wanted me back, none of this would have happened." Shinji spoke annoyed to Misato visibly dejected. "My life only causes misfortune for people, it's a big bad joke."
"I ... I didn't know that." Misato stammered for the first time in over ten years, but her mind was telling her that this made sense, that he wasn't lying, being an extremely depressed person in the good times, Misato had a small fear that this might happen in her old apartment.
"Of course you didn't know." Shinji spoke calmly, but his voice had all the emotional charge it could carry. "You didn't care, I was just a tool to everyone, a burden."
"That's not true." Misato finally managed to control herself and speak again, keeping the urge to stand up and hug Shinji for his shitty life. "You've done great things."
"Like what?" Shinji asked dejectedly, these memories were painful for him.
"You have saved the world many times." Misato spoke as best she could, but her voice betrayed her revealing her sadness at all she had heard. "If you had died, the world might be worse off than it is now."
With a fake laugh, Shinji retorted. "You guys would have found a solution like you always did, Shikinami in Unit 02 could have come to Japan earlier, Rei could have used the one, or any other pilot."
"But that's in the past now, the truth is that all of this is my fault, it all started to fall apart for the world when a naive kid believed that he could do something good in his shitty life with the simple opening of a letter." Shinji spoke with strong dejection.
"But the reality is that nothing he does will be able to give him what he wants most."
"What's that?" Misato asked curious, but downcast, that last report had drained whatever little happiness was left in Misato.
"That I keep to myself." Shinji spoke as he stared into nothingness, rivaling Rei in dullness.
Misato slowly stood up and turned around, but before she left she spoke backwards. "You may think that, but the truth is that I ... I always cared about you, I still do."
Misato heard a sigh coming from Shinji, then his voice spoke while remaining calm but irritated.
"No, you don't care." Misato's eyes widened at the coldness of his words, she felt her heart being pierced at that, but she didn't turn around, if she did she would most likely cry.
"I will speak the same thing I spoke to Shikinami." Shinji spoke to Misato's back, he could see his posture becoming stiff and tense, Shinji spoke with anger and venom in his voice. "You don't care, never have and never will."
Feeling that she was about to collapse, Misato tried to open the door and leave, quickly ordering Shinji to be taken back to the cell, the soldiers only watched as she left with accelerated steps down the long hallway of Wunder.
Again alone in the room, Shinji lowered his gaze to the table and spoke to himself. "Everyone always leaves and I always stay behind."
(*)
Still inside the room, on the other side of the glass, two people were watching everything, having sneaked in.
"Yeah, he really does look different." Mari spoke with a serious look on her face, still not believing what she had heard by keeping her arms crossed over her chest at all times.
"I said four eyes, the Shinji we knew is dead." Asuka spoke keeping her posture strong, but her mind was repeating Shinji's words, especially the part where he revealed that he tried to kill himself, the utter disdain with his life was bothering the fiery redhead, becoming extremely worried about it.
"That's none of your business ... I don't want your help." Shinji's voice coughing behind the car came back in Asuka's head.
Lowering her eyes to the base of the glass, Asuka felt strongly dejected by what she had heard, deep down she wished that Shinji was just being angry with her about everything, she wanted to believe that he was only making a scene to impress, but the reality was different, Shinji Ikari had become that.
"We'll fix it, that I promise." Mari spoke as she put a fake smile on her face, but she knew this was going to be extremely challenging, but not impossible. "The Shinji that Misato and you knew is in there somewhere, we just need to bring him back into the light."
- Son, I promise you, I will help you get back to reality. - Mari thought with a mixture of dejection and determination.
Asuka only nodded slightly, cheering her sister's words, but her mind watched as Shinji was led by the guards back to his cell.
- Baka ... What happened to you? -
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