Chapter 11 – Killer Clones from Outer Space

Mos Espa Spaceport, Tatooine

An old Corellian corvette sat alone in one of the outer fields of Mos Espa Spaceport. This particular corvette had begun life as a CR70 cargo transport. As it changed hands over the years, it received the CR90 refit and most recently had been illicitly modified to combat specs by its current owner. The ship did not have a name – such niceties simply didn't occur to "Hammer" as the corvette owner and ship captain liked to call himself.

The spaceport was quiet. Once a booming metropolis, Mos Espa no longer attracted the attention it once did due to the ban on pod racing imposed by the Empire. Its reputation as a den of thieves had transferred to Mos Eisley, which had taken over as the main space port on Tatooine. Though mostly law abiding these days, Mos Espa still had two remaining attractions for those who operated on the outer edges of society – junk dealers and few prying eyes.

Prowling through the junk yards had paid off. Hammer stood by the large open cargo hatch awaiting delivery. And there it was. Through the wavering heat, a reconditioned Republic troop transport slowed as it made its approach to the corvette. The pilot neatly turned the transport, and began to slowly back into the cargo hold, letting the flight computer do most of the work aligning the transport to the very tight clearances. Finally clear of the hatch, the pilot went through his shutdown procedure and activated the magnetic clamps. Arm opened up the hatch and grinned out at Hammer. "Piece of cake," he announced. "The port thruster is a little off, but that's nothing that can't be recalibrated on our flight out."

"Then we're good to go," replied Hammer. "Let's button up." As Arm headed for the flight deck, Hammer banged the hatch control with his fist, watched as the hatch closed and double-checked the seal. A low growl began as the engines rumbled to life, the sound gradually increasing in pitch as the engines built up power during the preflight check. After completing the checklist and receiving final clearance from Espa Control, the corvette lifted off with a roar and headed into the clear blue sky, rapidly gaining altitude, leaving a vapor trail behind until it cleared atmosphere. Shortly afterwards, the ship abruptly disappeared as it made the jump to hyperspace.

"Time to change course," Hammer said.

Arm laughed. "Yeah, like you would ever set a direct course. Where to?"

"For now, set course for Brintooin, but you can expect another course change in an hour."

Arm worked his console. "Right, Brintooin is locked in and the autopilot engaged. Time for our briefing?"

"Yes. Alert our team, but the grunts stay in the dark."

In a few minutes, the core team gathered in the captain's cabin. Hammer switched on the wall display. "We have a GVA contract this time. This one's a bit unusual." He changed the display. "We're looking for a giant bug that's been associated with the disappearance of a patrol ship. The Imperials think it has something to do with the rebels."

"Ah hell Captain," Sweeper spoke up. "That's all they ever think. Couldn't be pirates or something else. Oh no, must be rebels."

"Who cares?" smiled Hammer. "Paint it 'rebel' and suddenly the money flows. That's the part that counts."

"Uh, Captain? This thing is big," said Arm, who had been studying the display. "A lot bigger than several Imperial class destroyers put together. What makes you think we can take it on?"

"I don't know if we can," Hammer replied coolly. "We'll need to be careful. But in our favor, there's no evidence the bug fired on IP2745. We're running a lot hotter and meaner than a simple patrol vessel, plus we have two transports now. If it is some kind of ship, we may be able to board it, gas the crew and bring it back as a prize."

"That's a lot of 'ifs'," commented Arm. "But as a prize for whom? Us or the Imperials? I'd bet that ship is worth a lot more than the contract."

"Exactly," grinned Hammer. "That's why I took on this contract in the first place. The Imperials have no idea what it is, and if it turns out to be worth something… well, that's when the real negotiations begin."

"Another problem, Captain," said Sweeper. "This info is a month old. How likely is it we'll find anything?"

"You've touched on another risk, which is why I got some advance money out of the GVA. I invested a little of that in an old spy-bot. The Imperials thought the bug was on its way to a particular planet. Here's the latest intel." Hammer changed the display again and grinned. "It's still there." Everyone leaned forward for a better look.

"And where is 'there'?" asked Sweeper.

"Arm? Time to change our heading. Set course for Dagobah and then get back in here. We have planning to do."

After a short visit the next morning, Stanley returned to the Lexx. With the nearest edible plants already harvested, Xev spent most of her day expanding her territory, carefully scouting her largest area yet around the big clearing. In the process, she discovered two more small ponds. One to the north seemed to be an extension of the Big Bad Pond, so she avoided it, but the other appeared to be as independent as her swimming pond. It appeared to be safe, but she would prefer Yoda's opinion before putting so much as a toe in first.

Late that afternoon it started to rain. Xev initially ignored this, and continued her survey. By the time she returned to the large clearing, the fire was long drowned out. Stanley had a point about needing to construct some sort of shelter – one that could keep a fire going even in rain. Xev retreated to her moth and sat looking out at the rain in the gathering dark. Beside her was a large leaf she used to collect fruits and nuts, and the small comm unit left by Stanley.

Not far outside was a vertical stick with the joke loincloth perched at the end flapping in the rain, where it had been hanging for the last two weeks as part of the weather exposure experiment. Xev jumped out into the rain, retrieved the loincloth and brought it back to the moth. The loincloth appeared to be in pretty good shape. Too bad this seemed to be the only cluster lizard skin left in existence. As she played with the loincloth, it occurred to Xev it could be shaped a bit like a pouch. She put the comm unit in the pouch she had formed, tied it to her waist with pouch turned to her right hip, and tried shaking it loose. The comm unit stayed put. At last, the loincloth had a practical use. Satisfied, Xev sat back and listened to the patter of rain on the moth canopy while nibbling her food. It was now too dark to see anything. Eventually Xev curled up as best she could and went to sleep.

By next morning the rain has slowed to a drizzle. Xev woke up feeling stiff, the comm unit digging into her side. She had finished off the fruits and nuts last night. She stretched, carefully climbed out of the wet moth and walked over to the campfire. Everything was soaking wet – she wouldn't be able to start a fire today. She briefly considered returning to the Lexx, but not knowing when Yoda would return motivated her to at least wait out one more day. She headed off into the forest to eat and expand her foraging territory.

A couple of hours later, her comm unit crackled. "Xev! Xev! Are you there?" said a panicky sounding 790, the sound loud in the forest, startling her.

Annoyed with 790, Xev pulled out the comm. "What do you want?" she said impatiently.

"Darling, we've got company! A ship has dropped into orbit catching us on the ground. Come back to the Lexx!"

"Tell Stanley to wake up Kai! I'm on my way." Xev crammed a handful of berries she had collected into her mouth and began running back to the clearing. She had been working her way through the forest slowly, but now that she was in a hurry, she was surprised at how far away she was. It took her a good ten minutes of running, heedless of branches and other obstacles to make it back. She banged open the canopy, practically leaped into the moth, and slammed the canopy shut while grabbing for the joystick. The moth took off, and she turned it heading east, barely missing the treetops at the edge of the clearing in her haste.

As the moth continued to gain altitude, Xev had a chance to evaluate herself. She was wet of course, but she also had small scratches all over. A few scratches were bleeding, blood mixing with raindrops, leaving a pattern of bloody streaks. It wasn't as bad as it looked, and it could have been a lot worse if she had tripped or run headlong into a thicket of thorns. Looks like I've been lucky, she thought to herself. She activated the moth comm system. "790 or Stanley, are you there?"

"We're here Xev." Stanley's face appeared on the small monitor. "790, will you stop bugging me? I'm trying to talk to Xev."

"I'm on my way back now. What's going on with the ship?"

"Oh… 790 says it launched a couple a shuttles several minutes ago, and he thinks one of them may be headed your way."

A bad feeling hit Xev, and in reaction she suddenly slammed the joystick, causing the moth to veer off sharply. Twin streaks of light flashed down through the spot she had been in moments ago, shattering a tree below. "I'm under attack!" Xev yelled, and began violently slamming the joystick around, bouncing around crazily in the sky as more streaks of light flashed by. She could hear 790 screaming in the background on the comm.

"What can we do to help?" asked Stanley.

"We need to take off now," Kai said in the background.

"Do what Kai says!" Xev yelled while continuing to slam the joystick this way and that purely on instinct, hoping she was doing the right thing. "Don't wait for me! You're a target on the ground. Go take care of that ship, and I'll meet you in orbit later." Xev turned and began to head back towards the clearing, the moth drunkenly lurching about as bolts of light continued to miss. Some of those shots were entirely too close for comfort – Xev could hear the hiss of raindrops exploding into vapor over the noise of the moth.

If she was going to fight, she wanted to do it on her terms if possible, and in familiar territory. Even this far away, Xev could hear a low roar as the Lexx finally lifted off. That provided enough of a distraction for her to forcibly land the moth in the shallow end of the Big Bad Pond. She jumped out of the moth and went into a cluster lizard roll, streaking through the clearing away from the moth at a much faster speed than she could have ever managed running.

At the forest edge, Xev uncurled and hid in muddy undergrowth, watching. A bolt of light hit her moth, burning off its large tail, disabling it. "Bastards!" she murmured to herself. The rain began to pick up again as some sort of shuttle came into view. It dropped altitude until it hovered about three meters off the ground dead center in the clearing. It began to slowly rotate in place, scanning the area. Xev quickly dug down into the soft wet mud as far as she could go, then froze as the shuttle turned towards her. Apparently that was enough, because no shots were fired as it swept past her position. The sweep completed, the shuttle sank down and landed in the clearing.

A large side hatch opened, and men in some sort of white armor began to jump out, all of them armed. Xev counted eight in all, though the shuttle looked like it was capable of holding more. Three of them headed for her moth and began poking around. One of the men climbed up into the moth. After a few seconds, a second man climbed in, while the third stood watch. With a sudden movement, the creature in the pond lashed out with its tail knocking down the man on watch. The water began to boil around him as the creature's young started to feed, a few lucky ones biting into the chinks between armor plating, chewing their way in. The man screamed out in pain and desperately pulled at his armor, which only made matters worse as more young dived into the widened gap. Before the men inside the moth could respond, the adult creature sank its teeth into the moth and dragged it out into the pond, diving for the bottom. All that was left were large bubbles rising in its wake as the other men ran yelling to the edge of the pond and began firing ineffectively into the water. Three down, five to go, thought Xev.

While the remaining men were gathered at the pond, Xev slowly lifted up from the mud and rolled over in place a few times coating herself thoroughly, and reluctantly dipped her red hair in it as well. She didn't know if it would help, but she hoped the mud would help confuse any sensors and make her harder to identify. Then she slowly backed up on hands and knees, finally disappearing deeper into the forest in a running crouch.

As the sound of blaster fire died away, a ninth man appeared in the transport hatchway. "Hey Sweeper! Check your comm," Booster shouted. "You weren't answering. I've picked up movement that way." He pointed in Xev's direction.

Sweeper was in a foul mood. First there was that insane pilot of the bug-shuttle who seemed to anticipate every shot he fired. There must have been some really sweet avionics on board to do that, so he sent his best men to investigate as soon as they landed. Now they were gone, and Booster was seeing things. "Come on," he waved his remaining men back to the relative safely of the transport. "What have you got?" he asked roughly as he reached the hatch.

"Something approximately human size was moving around over there," Booster pointed once again. "Maybe it was the pilot of that bug-shuttle."

"Or maybe it was something that ate the pilot," Sweeper shot back. "Turbo. Rooster. You're with me." They slowly walked to the edge of the clearing, blasters ready.

"Hey, look!" Turbo called out, pointing. There was an area of churned up mud. "Something was here all right."

"Okay," Rooter commented. "So this is some animal's favorite mud wallow. It doesn't concern us."

"It does if that was the pilot," replied Sweeper, who began a close scan of the area. "Although, if it was the pilot hiding here, you'd think I'd pick up on trace fibers left behind. No fibers. There is some trace blood, but this stupid scanner can't identify the type. I've got nothing."

"Not all species wear clothes," suggested Turbo. The other two simply looked at him. Turbo shrugged. "Wookies don't wear clothes."

"Wookies don't wallow in mud," replied Sweeper with an air of superiority.

Rooster grinned. "You know wookies – get a little mud in their fur and it's a non-stop bitchfest."

"Besides," declared Sweeper. "If a wookie went through these woods, we'd be seeing patches of fur left behind. Again, there's nothing."

"Not nothing." Turbo pointed to the ground. "There's a mud trail leading deeper into the woods, but it's disappearing fast thanks to this rain."

Sweeper raised his blaster. "I'll take point. Rooster, you're in the rear. Let's go."

The mud trail started off relatively easy to follow, but with each passing minute the clues became fainter and fainter, until Sweeper finally had to admit to himself he was simply searching now, not following. He doggedly continued on for several more minutes hoping the pick up the trail again. As he was reaching the point of calling off the search, there was a bright flash in the sky above, and with it came a loud squeal over their comm gear, causing all three men to stop in their tracks.

"Tango-2 to Sweeper. Are you there?" called Booster.

"Sweeper. Go."

"I've just lost contact with our ship!"

"There may be fighting in the ionosphere. Keep trying to raise them."

"Roger that. Tango-2 out."

Rooster was idly looking around. "Hey Sweeper!" he said, pointing at the tree trunk beside him with his thumb. "Is that mud?"

Sweeper wasn't exactly sure what he saw, but something dropped out of the tree at that moment and snapped Rooster's neck. He was dead before he hit the ground. The filthy creature crouched over Rooster's body resembled a human female. It looked straight into his eyes and let out a high-pitched screech that chilled him. As he raised his blaster – seemingly in slow motion – he heard a more familiar sound from behind – the sound of an activating light saber. The sound triggered memories of an overriding order, one that had to be obeyed – Order 66. Sweeper turned back towards the sound, and saw Turbo lying dead, a small Jedi standing by his body, light saber at the ready. As he aimed his blaster at this new threat, his neck was snapped from behind. Sweeper joined his men on the ground.

Yoda was a bit uncertain who or what was standing in front of him until the muddy figure gave him a big smile and said, "Hi Yoda!" with a friendly wave.

"Ah, Xev," said Yoda. "Recognize you I did not." He pointed at the bodies. "Can you remove their helmets?"

"Oh sure," replied Xev, who sat down next to the nearest body and began tugging away. With reluctance, the helmet pulled off, and Xev found herself staring at the face of an older man, attractive in a rugged sort of way, perhaps in his mid-fifties and in excellent physical condition, with short graying hair. "Aw," said Xev. "Too bad. He was kind of cute. If he had been nice instead of mean, I would have definitely done it with him." She went to the next body and pulled off the helmet. "Are these guys twins?" she asked as she found herself looking at the same face. She moved on to the third body, and again saw the same face after pulling off the helmet. "What's going on here?" she asked, puzzled.

"Clones," Yoda replied darkly. "Left over from the war. Mercenaries they are. Gender neutralized to maintain strict control. No interest in females. And trained they are to resist Jedi mind tricks."

"Gender neutralized?" Xev looked down at the clones, disappointed. "What a waste."

Yoda pulled out his light saber, activated it and sliced open two of the bodies. He put away his saber, pulled back a sleeve and began to feel around in the guts of the first clone.

Xev was absolutely shocked at this behavior. "What are you doing!" she exclaimed.

Yoda held up a small device. "Friend versus foe identifier, this is," he explained. He wiped off the device and tossed it to Xev, who caught it automatically. "Need these, we will, if a defense perimeter has been established."

Hammer couldn't believe their luck when they arrived in the Dagobah system. In spite of his latest intel, he still half-expected the giant bug to be gone. But there it was, sitting on the surface, a trail of devastation behind it. He had immediately implemented their plan, ordering both troop transports launched for a surface recon. Hammer and Arm were together in Tango-1, flying in formation with Tango-2, Sweeper's transport, when they detected a small shuttle heading for the giant bug ship. Hammer sent Sweeper after the shuttle, while they continued on approach to the main prize.

That was when things started to go wrong. The bug lifted off the planet and it was all they could do to keep up as it gained altitude. He ordered his corvette to open fire, hoping that might at least slow the bug down. Meanwhile, Hammer got a report from Tango-2 that three men were lost almost immediately upon contact with the planet, and Sweeper had charged off after what they presumed was the pilot of the small shuttle. The bug ship did indeed seem to slow down, but that, as it turned out, was not a good thing.

It was hard to appreciate the huge scale of the bug ship. What from a distance appeared to be a pattern of compound eyes turned out to be a series of large domes, each one big enough to park a small ship inside. They all began to open – an ominous sight. Hammer witnessed what appeared to be bright sparks rise out of each dome and sweep across the surface of the "eyes," disappearing around the curve of the bug ship. He didn't understand was he was seeing until he spotted a wave of energy heading for his ship. One shot. A single, massive overkill of a shot, and his modified and well-shielded corvette disappeared in a bright flash.

Hammer was sure the bug would jump to hyperspace after that, but instead it surprised him by settling into orbit over Dagobah, completely ignoring his transport, which, he reflected, it could well afford to do. They approached the bug from behind and above, staying well away from the "eyes" while running scans, hoping to learn something about it. Unfortunately, most of the scans seemed to be reflected away, but they did spot what appeared to be a docking bay-sized airlock. It was more than big enough to accommodate Tango-1. As they approached the airlock with the intent of either overriding controls or burning their way through it, the lock simply opened.

Hammer and Arm looked at each other. "So much for security," Arm grunted as he piloted their way in. The interior of the ship was huge.

"This ship appears to be mostly hollow!" exclaimed Arm.

"I'm reading standard gravity and atmosphere," said Chopper. "We won't need any special gear."

"I want everyone fully suited up, just in case," ordered Hammer.

"Look down there," pointed Arm. "That looks like a landing pad, and it has three more of those bug-like shuttles."

"Destroy the shuttles and land on the pad."

"You got it Captain." In rapid succession Arm fired on each moth, reducing them to what looked disturbingly like piles of half-cooked guts. "Piece of cake," he said as he landed.

Chopper opened up the hatch. "Woof. Doesn't smell like cake to me!" he exclaimed as the stink of burning moths entered the transport.

"Chopper! What part of 'fully suited up' did you not understand?" yelled Hammer. "Put your helmet on!"

"Yes sir, Captain Hammer sir. Helmet is going on," grumbled Chopper. He jumped out of the transport and carefully looked around. "Clear!" he called out. Hammer and Arm joined Chopper on the platform, along with six grunts hired for the job. Hammer assigned one of the grunts to guard duty, and the rest spread out across the landing pad as they headed for a doorway. The first two grunts to reach the doorway went to either side, then counted off and swung in simultaneously each covering a different direction. "Clear!" Hammer assigned two grunts to this position, and lead his remaining men forward. They leapfrogged their way down the corridor, looking into any rooms as they found them. So far, the ship seemed empty.

"Where are the crew?" wondered Chopper out loud, and then he heard voices down the hall. Chopper held up two fingers in warning. Everyone quickly retreated back to a curve in the corridor and flattened against the walls.

"Xev can take care of herself," was heard floating down the hall.

"I know Kai, but we should check on her anyway. It's not like she has any weapons or anything."

At his signal, Hammer and the rest of the team stepped out into the middle of the corridor. "FREEZE!" he shouted at the two men. Everyone had their blasters aimed at the pair. The man in red cowered back, but the man in black stood his ground. That one is a soldier, Hammer thought to himself.

"Stanley, get behind me," ordered Kai. Stanley quickly obeyed. "Do not approach any farther or I will kill you all."

"Hold your fire," Hammer ordered. "I have this covered." He took a step forward.

"It's clear the man you are protecting is unarmed," Hammer called out. "We have you outgunned six to one. Drop your weapon now!"

"I will not," replied Kai, who raised his arm and aimed directly at Hammer.

Hammer fired his blaster, dropping Kai to the floor like a sack of rocks. "Check him out."

Chopper moved cautiously forward and ran his scanner over the body. "He's dead," he announced.

"You!" called Hammer to Stanley. "Who are you! And be quick about it or join your friend on the floor."

Stanley couldn't believe what he was seeing. "I'm just a fourth class security guard, that's all," he lied.

Hammer smiled. "Then you are expendable." He raised his blaster.

"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!" cried out Stanley, holding his hands up defensively. At that moment, Stanley's right hand glowed brightly. A blob of light appeared to leap out of Stanley's hand and, in the blink of an eye, traveled to Hammer.

"What's this?" said Hammer, shooting Stanley forgotten. Hammer held up his hand. It flickered and glowed briefly before resuming its normal appearance.

"Okay, I lied," said Stanley, miserable. "I'm Captain of the Lexx. And that," he said, pointing to Hammer's hand, "is the key to the Lexx."

Hammer's eyes widened. "Arm, you're with me. The rest of you continue searching this ship. Split up into pairs. There's at least one other person on board we know of – someone named Xev – and there could be others." Hammer waited until the rest of his team was out if sight. "Tell me more about this." He held up his hand.

"Well, since you now have the key, that means you are Captain of the Lexx – this ship. You control it from the bridge."

"Show me the bridge."

"This way," said Stanley, pointed back the way he had come.

As they started down the corridor, Arm spoke up. "Does this mean we get to renegotiate the contract?"

"Oh yes," enthused Hammer. "Very few ships could have taken out my fully shielded corvette in just one shot. This ship did. I'll bet this ship could go up against a star destroyer and win."

As they walked onto the bridge, 790 rolled up. "Who are these people?" it asked, a look of disgust on its face.

"What's that?" asked Hammer, pointing with his blaster.

"That's 790, a robot head." Stanley turned to 790. "790? You be very nice. This is our new captain, and he has people searching for Xev. You know how good Xev is at hiding, right? I'll bet he'll never find her on this ship." Stanley nodded his head with exaggerated motion.

"Well of course they won't find her on the Lexx! My darling Xev won't be found here because…" 790 finally seemed to pick up on the hint. "…yes, because she's that good at hiding. No one is better!"

Hammer smiled. "We'll see about that." He looked at Stanley. "Tell me how this works."

Stanley pointed out the pilot station. "What you do is stand up there, wave your hand through the holoprint, and give the ship a command."

"That's all?" asked a disbelieving Hammer.

"Yup, that's all there is to it," replied Stanley.

Hammer gingerly stepped up onto the pilot's stand and faced outwards. Sure enough, a green holoprint appeared in the air. He passed his hand through it, and was rewarded by the holoprint turning red.

"Hello Captain," said the Lexx.

"Identify," ordered Hammer.

"I am the Lexx. I am the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes. I like to blow up planets."

"Did it say planets?" asked a shocked Arm.

Hammer looked at Arm and smiled. "Renegotiate the contract? Forget renegotiating the contract. With this ship, we can dictate terms. We can be a major power!" Hammer was silent for a moment or two. "What's happening down on Dagobah?"

"We lost contact with Tango-2 a few minutes ago. I've not been able to raise them," replied Arm.

"Then we have to assume they're lost. Time to put this ship's claim to the test." Hammer passed his hand through the holoprint again. "Ship? Target and destroy Dagobah!"

"NOOOO!" screamed 790.