Plan E - English Version Chapter 14 - Colapse, an evangelion fanfic

Hi guys, Calborghete here, how are you all? I hope everyone is doing well.

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So now without further ado, enjoy your reading.

"Dialogues"

- Thoughts -

"Radio Talk"

"Self talk."

Liability Note:

Evangelion, its characters and setting are the property of Hideaki Anno. Any brands, movies and series mentioned in this Fanfic are the property of their creators.

(*)

Chapter 14 - Collapse.

Shinji was looking forward in his room, he was transferred to a room after being integrated into the Wunder crew, his mind focused on whatever object is in sight, he could see movement around him, but he was not paying attention to anything.

Feeling his body screaming for a few hours of quality sleep, Shinji closed his eyes knowing that he was at his limit, with his mind screaming for sleep, he could feel that every part of his body needed a rest, but as always, every time he closed his eyes to sleep, the screams of the people he ruined his life always echoed in his mind.

Standing facing the mirror in his room, Shinji gave a sigh as he looked at himself, seeing his reflection now in WILLE's uniform, he could see the sash tied on his shoulder representing his rank of Lieutenant, but as he stared at himself, he had no sense of being part of a group.

"This is just a theater, you will never be one of them." Her mind spoke that sentence, as it always did, with each passing day the more it stood out on top of other thoughts.

"Shut up." Shinji whispered as he closed his eyes and raised his head, no longer having the strength to have more technical discussions with himself. "Just shut up please."

After a few seconds of silence, Shinji could feel his mind spinning from the lack of energy, but with slight shaking he came back to himself, reopening his eyes again slowly, Shinji observed his room with tired eyes.

It was very simple, it contained a military style bed in the center and a small table beside it, turning his head, he could see a door that led to a bathroom, everything in his room was simple, but this was not what was bothering Shinji.

Looking again at the bed, Shinji spoke dejectedly. "What good is a bed if I can't sleep?"

Again he looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes looked at himself, seeing how weakened he was, he couldn't hide that he was on the edge, his eyes were half closed, with heavy dark circles around each eye, his skin was pale, his hands trembled slightly, his easy expression reflected how his days aboard the Wunder were going.

"Freak." Shinji whispered to himself as he felt a pang of anger as he faced himself, knowing that he always hated everything he stood for, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he felt the air inflating his lungs, but every time he did that, he could feel an itch in his chest, something that was being very routine.

Giving small coughs as he expelled the air, Shinji repeated this act a few times, feeling the energy that the oxygen was making in his body, giving some relief to the agony of his strong insomnia.

Keeping his eyes closed, Shinji was enjoying the silence that his room was giving him in these few seconds of peace, something that was rare in Shinji's mind on days like this.

Still with his eyes closed, Shinji could feel his head wanting to enter the world of dreams, feeling his body seem to float with a sense of calm, but as always fate was not on his side.

Feeling his mind slowly shutting down, Shinji could feel that his conscience was always there to get in the way of the best times he was having, knowing that this was something he hadn't had since the day he had been captured.

He saw the shadow of a face, the face was feminine, delicate and beautiful, Shinji was trying to focus on this person, soon he could identify the owner, seeing pink hair appearing, finally he remembered, the face was Midori's.

With a sadistic smile, Midori smiled and spoke calmly and cheerfully. "Hello killer."

Shinji felt his eyes opening abruptly, seeing that he most likely must have almost slept standing up, quickly bringing his hand to his face, he could feel his brain working hard to keep functioning, it was as if someone had applied tranquilizer directly to his head, every thought was hard, every processing of ideas was harder to do.

Turning his head to the side, Shinji started walking to the bathroom, not necessarily knowing what he would do there, but he had to occupy himself, he had to keep himself awake, he didn't want to go into the hell his mind caused him on the rare occasions he could sleep.

Feeling his feet dragging on the ground, Shinji felt as if he was in a marathon with the effort he had to make to cover those few meters.

When he reached the bathroom, Shinji leaned on the sink, looking into the small mirror and looking at his face more closely, he could see more clearly his face, his facial expressions and how tired he showed he was, very tired.

"Holy shit." Shinji spoke as he turned on the faucet seeing the stream of water that was coming out, looking and listening to the sound of the water, Shinji again thought.

- You don't deserve it. - Shinji thought somberly as he stared at the beam of water coming out of the faucet.

Bringing his hands to the flow of water, Shinji watched as they both filled up, he could feel the sensation of the cold water enter his hands, it was a calm feeling it transmitted, with a quick stroke, Shinji brought his hands to his face, hoping to clear his mind and get ready for what he had to do.

After a few rounds, Shinji lifted his head and looked in the mirror again, he was still tired, but he felt more awake.

Turning and leaving the bathroom, Shinji thought about the activities he would have to perform, he could still hear Misato's words ordering him that he should report to Maya for a synchronization test.

Moments after Misato said his orders, Shinji frowned as he remembered Misato saying something like he would like to talk to him, but he ignored her completely.

This was partly because he was tired, his mind was not able to process anything, and partly because he thought that it was all just a big theater, that he was only needed because no one else could do it, that at the first opportunity he would be thrown away again.

Trying to clear the image of Misato from his mind, Shinji quickly looked at his watch, seeing the time on the digital marker, he let out a sigh as he knew he could no longer stall, he had to leave the room, he had to face the stares and keep his guard up, he couldn't give chance to chance, too many people wanted his blood.

Assenting slightly to his thoughts, Shinji tried to adjust himself, taking one last look in the mirror and seeing that everything was as it should be, organization was one thing he hadn't been able to shake off, his mind still screaming to keep everything in order.

Walking towards the door, Shinji stopped a few inches away, his hand hovering on the button that would open the metal door, seeing his fingers trembling, Shinji frowned.

- What is happening to me? - Shinji thought as he looked at his trembling hand, closing his eyes again and trying to keep his nerves under control.

"Fuck." Shinji growled as he pressed the button, with a wincing sound, he watched as the door opened, he could see the hallway lit up, but he didn't move, staring at Wunder's wall fixedly.

Assenting again, he took a step forward, finally out of the room he turned his head and could take a look at the long corridors, both sides of which seemed endless.

With another sigh, Shinji lifted the map that was in his room, taking a look at the path he should follow, and soon began to walk, his footsteps echoing through the metal corridors, soon he could identify the places with the most people, he could hear the conversations.

But his mind was not focused on the people, but on what he should do, but he didn't fail to notice when a silence reigned, he could feel eyes glued on him, but he didn't pay attention to the people, but his body did.

Feeling the anxiety growing, he wishes he could speed up his steps and get out of there, but he couldn't, he didn't want to show he was bothered, so he kept his step, looking again at the map.

With all eyes focused on Shinji, the Wunder crewmen were having mixed feelings, ranging from hatred, fear, pity and admiration.

"That's strange." One of the crew members spoke as he watched Shinji walking, he received a confused look from his colleague who was standing next to him.

"What do you mean?" A young girl asked, she had a look of disdain on her face as she sipped water.

The man only shook his head and spoke confusedly, "I don't know if I can look at him as one of us."

"Just take it." Spoke another crewman as he entered the conversation. "He's part of it now, the sooner you accept it, the sooner we get back to normal."

He received a nod from his colleague, giving strength to his companion's argument.

"I know, but ... I don't know whether I see him as Shinji Ikari the destroyer of the world or ... Shinji Ikari the hunter of SEELE." Spoke the man as he saw Shinji's back fade, seeing the conversations returning, this crewman soon locked his face in those of his colleagues, they both had that same question in their minds. "Only time will tell."

Shinji was walking along, feeling the anxiety taking over, soon he felt his breathing increasing with all the attention he was receiving, looking again at the map, which showed the way to the room where the synchronization test would be done.

"Did you see the looks?" Her mind spoke as she showed Shinji's mind the looks he will receive, feeling pleased with the result as she could sense that he was bothered. "Don't kid yourself, you'll never be one of them."

Shinji kept his steps heavy and controlled, he crossed paths with other crew members doing their jobs, Shinji kept his head up at all times, so he could get a good look in the eyes of the people who crossed his path.

- Calm down ... Keep calm. - Shinji said to himself, seeing only what his paranoia wanted him to see, the crew members who looked at Shinji, moved away to clear the way, many bowed their heads, some made a sign with their hands saying good morning, some looked hateful and that was all he saw.

Finally he could reach the room, still not knowing how he had managed to arrive without completely freaking out, as he entered the large room, he could see the technicians working, stopping a few meters from the door, he just watched until his eyes fell on Maya's back, she was standing next to Ritsuko.

"All right, keep everything to a minimum." Ritsuko ordered to the technicians, completely oblivious to the outside world.

"Will he be long?" Maya asked as she leaned forward and read the figures that appeared on her computer screen.

"I don't know, he's acting strange." Ritsuko spoke as she compared it to the data on her tablet.

"What do you mean?" Maya asked as she adjusted herself and crossed her arms. "As far as I know he has been integrated into the crew, schedules must be followed."

Ritsuko only giggled, looking at Maya with a funny look on her face. "Have you talked to him yet?"

Maya lowered her gaze slightly, she really hadn't seen Shinji since the awakening of Unit 01 in the NERV days, the last time she had spoken to him was when he rebelled against his father when Unit 03's activation test failed.

"No ... The last time I spoke to him was before the ..." Maya stopped talking as she remembered the third impact, her image of Shinji was still that of the shy fourteen-year-old boy who entered NERV.

Shaking the memory aside, Maya looked at her superior again, but she quickly remembered the rumors about her aggressive personality, still unable to believe them. "How bad?"

Ritsuko only nodded, she already knew what Maya was talking about. "He's very different, he's responding ... Even too much."

Maya swallowed dryly, she still couldn't believe it, but times were different, even she had changed, no longer being so shy and insecure, she had developed a certain courage, having to strongly reprimand her subordinates from time to time, but deep down she was still the young NERV technician.

"Shinji now reminds me of him." Ritsuko spoke somberly as she compared Shinji to her father, "The same arrogant posture, the same disdainful look."

Shinji, hearing this, quickly felt his blood boiling, feeling the fingers of his hands beginning to tremble with anger at being compared to the source of his misfortune, with strong memories arising in his head.

"Brat."

"You can die I wouldn't even care."

"You just fuck up."

"From now on, you will do nothing more."

"Murderer."

Feeling his breathing starting to accelerate, Shinji wished he could blow the whole thing up, walking to the scientists' back, Shinji spoke keeping his voice cold and controlled, showing that he would not tolerate being compared to his father.

"Gee, but didn't he hate his father?" Maya spoke uncomfortably, her mind still trying to formulate the image of Shinji and her father as two equal people.

Ritsuko was about to speak when a voice came from behind her back, quickly knowing whose voice it was, but it didn't stop a strong shiver from running down her spine.

"I'm not like him." Shinji spoke as he saw Maya and Ritsuko abruptly turn around, Shinji watched as Ritsuko's look went from shock to surprise, Maya was already another case, it being the first time she had seen Shinji in twelve years, soon her eyes fell on his body, having stood much taller than her.

Looking at all his changes, she could not deny that he had become a large and highly intimidating man, but unlike Ritsuko's words, he did not look like his father, she only judged that he must have inherited his mother's features.

"Don't ever compare me to that man again." Shinji spoke threateningly as he kept his hands behind his back, but he kept his gaze all the time on Ritsuko, all the technicians stopped typing and just listened, Shinji's voice did not open doors for discussion.

Looking at the silence that reigned, soon Shinji's eyes fell on Maya's, he could see her surprised expression, soon his mind calmed down and his features softened a bit, but he still had a scowl on his face. "Hello Ibuki."

Maya only lowered her gaze, she was feeling very intimidated by Shinji's posture, but she quickly recovered and spoke with confidence. "Hello Shinj... Lieutenant Ikari."

Shinji only gave a slight movement with his head, but soon he heard Maya's next words. "Weren't you supposed to have breakfast first?"

Shinji pondered the idea for a while, but he knew he wouldn't be able to eat anything with all the attention he was getting. "I wasn't hungry."

Maya could see the tired features on Shinji's face, adding with the strong scar that ran across his face, but what shocked her the most were his eyes, they were of a broken person, Maya couldn't see how he could stay awake.

"Okay..." Maya spoke as she began preparing Shinji for the synchronization test, but a shrill voice echoed through the room, making her roll her eyes as the owner could only be from one person.

Shinji recognized the voice, but he only kept his gaze on Maya, he noticed her rolling her eyes, finally he turned around and saw a group of three women entering, his eyes widened slightly at seeing who they were.

"Didn't I tell you he would be here?" Mari spoke as she smiled, she could see Asuka's posture become tense, this would be the first time they would meet after he rescued her from the SEELE sympathizers. "The next place I would look was the showers, who knows I might see something important."

Asuka didn't react, she only locked her gaze on Shinji, she could notice his tired posture, this upset her internally, but Sakura was a different case, she blushed slightly as she lowered her gaze.

Shinji stared at Asuka, he gave a small sigh as he remembered the last time they had seen each other, remembering clearly that he had called her a doll, that was something he would never forgive himself, remembering clearly the downcast look and the lone tear that ran down Asuka's face that day.

Sakura was standing next to Mari, she was shocked at what she saw, Shinji had changed a lot physically with his memory of two years ago, her medical mind soon began to act, seeing all the signs in Shinji's posture, she didn't need examinations to see that something was very wrong with him.

Shinji finally took his eyes off Asuka, he scrolled through the group until he saw Sakura's shocked look, having remembered her last line.

"Just please don't pilot a EVA." Sakura's voice warning him just before his escape from Wunder.

"Good morning Dra. Suzuhara." Shinji spoke directly to Sakura, then he moved on to Mari and Asuka. "Captain Makinami and Shikinami."

Asuka was still feeling weird about Shinji calling her by her last name, she didn't know why, but it was making her extremely uncomfortable with Shinji talking like this it seemed like she was a complete stranger to him.

"Stop it sonny." Mari spoke as she gestured with her hand. "Call me Mari."

Shinji only locked his gaze on Mari and spoke dismissively. "No ... Makinami is better."

Mari lost her posture quickly, but welcomed herself. "Ouch, that makes me feel old."

Shinji only turned his gaze to Asuka who was still staring at him, he only stared back at her, again he was lost in the beauty of her face of European descent, he would like to run and hug her and finally give her a big kiss on her lips, but reality had to spoil it.

"Shinji!" Maya spoke a little more forcefully, seeing that she now had the attention of Shinji who turned his head and met her determined gaze. "Didn't you hear me?"

Shinji stared at her with a look of confusion, confirming her suspicion, Maya wanted to roll her eyes, but quickly dismissed the idea. "I told you to go put your plug in."

Shinji watched as she lifted a suitcase towards him, he only picked it up, but his gaze will fall again on Asuka, something Mari noticed and spoke smiling, "Look at that, I think he would like a room to take the princess."

Asuka blushed slightly, only turning her head and looking at Mari with a bored look, Sakura hid her face behind her clipboard, Shinji only turned and left, heading towards the changing rooms.

Asuka gave a tired sigh, she still didn't know how to deal with Shinji and it was making her extremely upset, but the look on Shinji's face made her slightly worried.

After a few seconds, Shinji came out of the changing room, having a plug fitted with his measurements that were taken in his awakening, he can see the stares scrutinizing him from top to bottom leaving him embarrassed.

Ritsuko was the first who spoke up. "Well, at least we didn't get the measurements wrong."

Shinji wishes he could agree, but he was tight in the groin area. "It's tight."

"Where?" Maya asked innocently as she looked at Shinji's body, but she soon blushed when she discovered the location.

Shinji only shook his head when he saw the women's blushing eyes, his mind was too tired to have reacted in a more embarrassed way, he only stood there looking at them with a neutral look on his face.

Mari comes Shinji's body, quickly spoke with a smile. "Didn't I tell you it was big?"

"Makinami!" All the women spoke together and perfectly in sync, this only made their victory proclaimed. "What? I just spoke what's on everyone's mind."

"Mari!" Asuka spoke annoyed and blushing, but she could not let her eyes fall on the region where Shinji hinted.

Sakura had a bugged look on her face, all this had been too much for her mind, but nothing stopped her from blushing strongly.

Recovering as best she could, Maya quickly shook her head and spoke stutteringly trying to regain control. "Okay Shinji, now for plug two."

Turning and leaving the room, Maya followed Shinji out, but her eyes fell on Shinji's buttocks in the tight plug, quickly changing her focus and hoping that no one had noticed.

Mari was looking at where Shinji had left, not having hidden that she took a good look at his butt and bit her lip, seeing Asuka and Sakura's looks on her, with a smile Mari spoke. "Stop with that saintly look, I've noticed the look on everyone's face here." Mari spoke as she gestured with her hands in the direction of all the women.

"Pervert." Asuka whispered as she looked at the door where Shinji had come out.

Mari gave her best smile as she turned and faced Asuka. "You think he's all yours? Part of that piece of mischief is mine."

Asuka replied annoyed. "Do whatever you want slut." But something came into her mind, a bad feeling in her chest, a feeling she couldn't understand why, but it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Mari didn't feel the offense, but she watched the reactions in Asuka's body, seeing her lips frown slightly, her nose wrinkled slightly, with a victorious smile she spoke. "That is what I would like, but I can see that you would not let it."

Asuka turned her face and faced her sister with strength, she was feeling very tense with everything that was happening, with Shinji back in her life. Sakura seeing that a storm was about to come, decided to move away and approach Maya and Ritsuko, looking at the vital signs of Shinji in the monitor.

Asuka was about to speak, but Mari stepped forward and spoke seriously, she only used that tone to talk about important things. "Listen to something Asuka ... You can deny it all you want, but I'm not blind."

Asuka stared hard at her sister, but she waited to answer after Mari finished speaking, especially when she spoke seriously.

"There's no point in running away, if you have feelings for him, you'd better put your pride aside and act." Mari spoke as she turned her face and faced Shinji's face on the monitors. "Or one day it really will be too late."

Asuka stopped to think about Mari's words, still not knowing what her feelings for Shinji were like, her mind was still cloudy about it, the only thing she could give for sure was that she cared for Shinji and a lot, but did she want something more?

But she couldn't let Mari win the arguments, knowing that she didn't have good arguments to be able to beat her sister to the punch, she then resorted to her standard. "Listen to something ... Mari ... If I wanted something with the loser I would have already had it, I don't want anything with that brat."

Mari only watched as Asuka turned and started to leave, seeing her sister's back with a downcast look, Mari knew that this was an escape technique of Asuka's, something she had been trying to change in her these years.

"Talk until you convince yourself princess." Mari spoke dejectedly as she watched Asuka turn a corner. "One day you'll wake up and I just hope it's not too late."

At the panels, Ritsuko frowned at the figures, seeing how they were fluctuating greatly, turning to the communicator she spoke professionally. "Take this seriously Shinji."

Everyone saw when he had his eyes closed, judging that he was in another world, they all saw when he gave his head a slight shake, but he spoke as he opened his eyes slightly, showing everyone his tiredness. "I'm taking it."

Ritsuko frowned even more, looking at all the information she was entitled to, the telemetry of her heart, the oxygenation of her lungs, and her brain impulses.

"What is it senpai?" Maya asked as she recognized the thoughtful look on her superior's face.

"Something's wrong." Ritsuko spoke as she looked more closely. "Good heart ... Oxygenation at 90 %. ... Abnormal brain waves, that shouldn't be possible ... He just woke up."

Sakura moved closer as she listened to Shinji's telemetry data, her medical mind began to act to determine the cause, searching her mind for something that would go into these symptoms.

"Maya?" Ritsuko called to her subordinate, without turning her face. "How's the LCL analysis coming?"

Maya turned around and typed some commands into the console, quickly the information came in, reading them all carefully until they got to the chemical analysis. "He's showing a small amount of blood in the sample."

Ritsuko lowered her gaze to think, but Ritsuko heard Sakura approaching. "Madam if I may ... He is looking like he is having symptoms of a strong insomnia."

"But it doesn't match the oxygenation values." Ritsuko spoke as she faced the young doctor, having her scientific mind working on this conundrum. "Maya, when the test is over, send everything to my terminal."

"Yes ma'am." Maya spoke professionally.

"Sakura." Ritsuko turned and looked the young doctor in the eye. "Do a full examination on Shinji today and send it to my terminal as well."

She only received a huff from Sakura, exchanging a quick glance with Maya before leaving, something was not right with Shinji's health. "Please finish."

(*)

Shinji was inside the input plug, trying his best to concentrate on the test, but his mind was screaming, he couldn't concentrate on the simple task like a test. "Come on."

"No." Shinji's mind spoke as he interrupted his concentration. "I did not speak, I will always be with you."

Bringing a hand to his face, Shinji took a long sigh to clear his mind as best he could, but images about the third impact came back like a wave, every time he cleared the information, it came back like the sea.

After a few hours at this, Shinji was almost giving up, when Maya's voice echoed through the system. "All right Shinji, we're done for the day."

With a bored sigh he raised his head, bored and tired he spoke. "Okay Ibuki."

Feeling the connections being finalized, Shinji listened again to Maya talking to him. "Maya ... You can call me Maya Shinji."

Shinji bowed his head and thought about the words of his former NERV co-worker, still unwilling to accept the fact that many at Wunder saw him as part of the team.

"That ... That's weird." Shinji whispered to himself, having finally seen some of the memories of the halls of Wunder, remembering seeing some people bidding him good morning, some greeting him.

"No! ... Don't believe it." His mind screamed, forcing bad memories into Shinji's mind, feeling a small twinge of pain at having the memories injected. "That's a trick!"

- But ... What if it's true. - Shinji thought confused, he was being relatively well received, he could handle the stares and the whispers about him.

"Foolish brat!" His mind spoke in disgust. "Are you going to let yourself be carried away by fantasies? Are you going to let yourself be manipulated again?"

- No. - Shinji thought determinedly as he heard the hatch being opened and saw the light flooding the inside of the plug, giving small coughs, Shinji could feel that it was not from the LCL, but from his cough that was ravaging his body.

Walking back to the control center, he soon met up again with Maya, who had a strange look on her face. "How did it go?"

Maya was in with the results, but that wasn't what was bothering her, but rather how Shinji's telemetry was. "It was fine."

Shinji only stared at Maya, he could see that something was wrong. "What?"

Maya pondered whether to tell, but something inside her thought she should. "Shinji ... Are you ... Are you okay?"

"They don't care about you."

Shinji felt a pang of anger rising inside him, his mind screaming, "Yes."

Maya felt a twinge of anger in Shinji's voice, but her old NERV days made her have a connection with the pilots, she didn't want anything bad to happen to them. "Your points, they show otherwise."

Shinji let out a sigh as he simply walked to the locker room, leaving Maya stunned behind, he didn't want to talk to fake people, finally inside and with some privacy, Shinji could feel a pain in his chest, with measured coughs he leaned on the wall.

"They don't care."

Shinji heard this sentence echoing through his mind, feeling it rebounding in his brain, but his eyes fell on the drops of blood that dripped as he coughed, quickly tidying himself up he left, again crossing paths with Maya, who this time had a frown on her face.

Not having liked being left talking to herself, Maya spoke up as she stopped Shinji with her hand. "Look Shinji, there is something wrong with you, even though you don't want to accept it, we care about the health of our pilots, that includes you."

Shinji gave a snort, but he soon returned with standard Shinji response in these times. "I'm fine ... Maya."

"I can see that you don't! What's wrong with you?" Maya asked strongly, Shinji was surprised by Maya's little outburst, he didn't remember her being so open before, but that would be for another time.

"They don't care."

"As I said before ... I'm fine!" Shinji spoke more forcefully. "I don't need you telling me how I'm feeling!"

"That's not the point here!" Maya spoke as she raised her hand again, stopping Shinji from leaving, "We need to know if you can handle it!"

Shinji removed Maya's hand from his chest, but not before speaking strongly. "I will pilot this machine for you! Happy!? I'm not going to make another impact! I'm not going back to my father's side!"

Maya frowned, this had not been the focus of their conversation, she was genuinely concerned about Shinji's health, she had not understood his reason for bringing his father into the conversation, but not before she saw Shinji turn around and leave the room with quickened steps. "Shinji!"

With wide, heavy steps, Shinji was with his mind as company again, bringing a hand to his face with the voices of guilt screaming in his head, covering all rational thoughts that still managed to survive.

Stopping and leaning on the wall, Shinji was gasping heavily, again drops of blood were falling onto Wunder's floor, feeling his body screaming for oxygen, all this effort added to the condition of his lungs were taking their toll.

"They don't care."

Shinji closed his eyes tightly to stop these thoughts, bringing his hand to his head and speaking strongly.

"Shut up!"

"They don't care."

Shinji clutched his head even tighter, his mind being flooded with images of the past, of Misato's smile, of her compliments about his conduct on the battlefield and about his general condition.

"They don't care."

Shinji sat on the floor as he clutched his head tightly, having memories of when Asuka finally complimented his food, of her beautiful smile on the rare times they talked, of all the times she dragged him to the mall while buying a new pair of dresses.

Gasping heavily as he got up from the floor, Shinji tried his best to run to his room, he walked past people ignoring them completely, with only his thoughts.

Finally arriving at his door, Shinji swiped his key card quickly, he couldn't stand to stay at Wunder anymore, walking in and closing the door, soon Shinji found himself in the middle of the room, seeing his hands shaking heavily.

"They don't care."

"Stop!" Shinji shouted as he clutched his head hard as he collapsed to the ground. "Stop!"

(*)

Misato was in her office still thinking that Shinji literally left her talking to herself in the moments she tried to talk to him again, but a sign on her computer caught her attention.

She typed on her computer, but not before she had the image of Shinji's room, something she wasn't proud of doing, but she had to learn more about this new Shinji so she could devise a strategy to connect with him again.

But before he could type the final commands, the door to his office was opened by Mari, completely ignoring the hierarchy, looking at Mari with a confused and thoughtful look.

"Hey boss." Mari spoke smiling, pulling up a chair to sit down.

"I don't have time right now, go fill up Asuka." Misato spoke as she finished typing on her computer, a progress bar was shown. "Look Mari, really whatever it is can wait."

"It's about Shinji." Mari spoke as she got serious remembering Ritsuko's words about his health, this aroused Misato's curiosity, seeing her cross her arms and wait. "I heard from Maya and Ritsuko that he may not be well."

Mari saying this she could see when Misato's shoulders went stiff, but before the Wunder commander could say anything, she saw when Misato approached the computer.

Getting up and going to see the reason for what was so important to distract Misato about Shinji, her eyes widened when she saw the image of his room, but before she asked why there was a camera in the room, she heard Shinji speaking.

"Shut up." Mari felt shocked to hear Shinji speaking to no one in his room while holding the sides of his head tightly. "I just want to sleep."

Mari gave a small jump as she saw Misato abruptly stand up, seeing her superior leaving the room with hurried steps. "Where are you going?"

"Where do you think?" Misato growled at Mari, seeing that the latter began to follow her.

(*)

Gasping heavily, Shinji stood up and gave a sarcastic laugh, a mirthless laugh. "Nobody cares."

"They don't care."

"No one cares." Shinji spoke again as he headed toward the bathroom, after splashing some water on his face, Shinji began to feel his body wanting sleep, but again as he closed his eyes he listened.

"They don't care."

Bringing his hand to his chest, he could feel his heart beating hard, as if it was wanting to get out of his chest, feeling the itch increasing soon the urge to cough came up.

"No." Shinji spoke as he placed his hand on his chest.

"They don't care."

(*)

Finally stopping at the door to his room, she heard the sound of a person coughing inside, Misato raised her personal radio and spoke hurriedly. "I want medical support in Shinji Ikari's room now! "

Mari was beside her watching everything, feeling helpless with everything that was happening, she saw when Misato slammed the door hard, even though it was metal, the sound was loud.

"Open Shinji!" Misato ordered as she heard the sound of coughing diminishing, but the door didn't open. "Shit." Misato cursed as she swiped her key card, having the authorization to open any door inside Wunder.

With a sound of wind, Misato finally entered the room, seeing Shinji with a horrible posture leaning on the bathroom door, he had one hand on his chest as tried to control his cough.

"Shinji!" Misato growled as she saw how bad he looked and hadn't said anything. "Infirmary now!"

Misato felt shocked when she began to hear him laughing, a sadistic laugh, showing his teeth stained red by the cough that was raging in his body.

Misato swallowed dryly at the sight making her heart break at seeing Shinji in this state, but she quickly recovered. "Shinji what is happening to you?"

Shinji shrugged, but spoke strongly as he interspersed his coughs and his lines. "There we go Katsuragi ... You don't care!"

"Shinji ... That's not true." Misato spoke as she saw the anger in Shinji's voice. "I want you on my side!"

"No!" Shinji grabbed his head again, his mind screaming that it wasn't true. "I'm only by your side because you don't have another clown to pilot Unit 01!"

"Shinji listen to me." Misato spoke trying to remain calm, slowly approaching Shinji who was leaning against the wall. "Let's talk."

"Talk?" Shinji spoke as he raised his head, showing his sadness to Misato. "Talk what? How am I a monster?"

"Shinji doesn't talk like that." Misato spoke dejectedly, feeling her own guilt over Shinji's situation. "I don't see you like that."

"I guess so." Shinji spoke as he coughed a little, raising his head again as he gasped heavily. "You abandoned me Misato ... When I needed you most, you abandoned me."

"They don't care."

Shinji again shook his head as he gasped.

Misato felt her heart breaking again at those words, finally hearing Shinji calling her by her first name. "We'll talk about this later, but now look at you."

"That's what they want." Shinji spoke as he looked Misato in the eye, showing all his pain. "That's what they all want."

"I ended everyone's life! Do you know what it's like to look into every person's shitty face and know it's your fault!" Shinji growled as he looked at Misato. "What you don't understand is that I didn't know this was going to happen!".

Misato knew that carrying this burden shouldn't be easy, but Shinji wasn't giving her an opening to speak, he just spat out sentence after sentence, but the sound of footsteps echoed through the halls.

"Nobody cares about my side." Shinji whispered as he bowed his head. "And that's it."

"Shinji let's go to the infirmary." Mari spoke up when she saw that Misato had stood looking at Shinji without saying anything, Shinji's words had made her stand paralyzed in place. "Then we'll have a better talk about it with everyone."

Soon Shinji's eyes fell on Mari, still wanting to understand who she was. "With everyone? Are you listening to yourself?"

"Puppy ... We want to help you here." Mari spoke as she saw a group of people, all answering Misato's call, soon Sakura stopped in front of the door and could take a look at Shinji, her eyes widened at his condition, having only seen him a few hours ago.

"Help me ... Help me ... Help me!" Shinji growled. "You want me dead!"

"That's not true." Misato finally spoke, looking Shinji in the eye. "What you don't understand that I want you by my side!"

"Your side." Shinji sneered. "You never wanted me, never."

Misato moved closer again, hoping she could get close enough to contain him. "I wanted you ... You were the one who left that time."

This seemed to have had some effect on Shinji, seeing his posture soften a bit, but soon she heard him speaking again in a voice full of sadness. "You guys tried to kill Asuka."

"It was your father Shinji, not us." Misato spoke keeping her voice calm. "Shinji calm down." Misato spoke as she took another step.

Shinji seeing Misato's approach spoke strongly.

"Stay away from me!"

Misato instinctively took a step back.

Feeling the itch in his chest again, Shinji again began to cough, leaning forward as he did so, but Misato could hear him speaking between violent coughs. "You ... No ... Care about me."

Misato was about to speak again when she saw Shinji's body collapse to the floor, looking on helplessly as he coughed and gasped heavily, Misato only watched as he squirmed.

Gasping and feeling his body needing air, but before he was managing to control it, now it was different, feeling his body screaming for fresh air.

Misato felt tears wanting to fall at the sight, feeling the strongest of powerlessness in this case.

Shinji was desperate for air, but his body couldn't get it, but before he tried again, a lull hit him, feeling his body stopping twitching, he only felt the emptiness coming, seeing his vision closing in and soon he was in nothingness.

Misato felt a hand pulling her out of the way, seeing a group of doctor soon going on top of Shinji's body, Sakura put a hand on her neck and shouted something hurriedly, soon Misato's eyes fell on Sakura's hands going to Shinji's chest, seeing her sinking and forcing her heart to beat again.

Soon she turned around and her eyes fell on Mari who had her hands over her face, she could see the look of fear on her face, she could only pray as she turned her eyes on the doctors working to save Shinji's life.

Mari had her hands on her face, having a full view of what had happened inside the room, her eyes soon locked on the people in the corridor, they all heard Shinji's final outburst, many lowered their gaze to the floor with pitying looks.

But it wasn't these people that Mari's eyes met, but those of Asuka who was staring at her face, seeing the look of anguish on her sister's face, she only judged that what had happened inside that room was not good.

Lowering her gaze to the ground, Asuka felt her hand tremble, remembering the words Mari had spoken to her hours before this event, finally feeling the force of reality hitting her. Her sister was right, it might be too late, and she was only learning the hard way.

(*)

Emptiness

Shinji found himself in a void, a place where there was only the color black, but this was not intriguing Shinji, soon he felt himself being pulled to a place and he recognized this place, it was Misato's apartment.

Not understanding what was happening, he finally looked at his body, seeing that he was fourteen again, his eyes soon roamed the now empty apartment.

Stopping as he felt nothing, not even a memory torturing him, nothing was bothering him, only he was in this place, but a sound in the kitchen caught his attention.

Soon his eyes fell on this person, judging him to be dead and he was the cause of this person's death. "That's not possible."

"That is very possible." This person spoke softly, but now he was sad, a stark contrast to the calm person he was, before he had a warm smile, now it was a downcast look, nothing could take away his calm before, now he was downcast.

"I didn't say that we would see Ikari Shinji-Kun again."

Author's Notes: Hello Calborghete folks here, how are you? Did you like it? I hope so. As always be sure to follow and save it to your favorites so you don't miss any future updates.

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