This is inspired by Irelia's rework so I guess it gets a Tragedy tag for reasons. On the other hand I found Irelia's 360 degree turn in personality funny so the story is now a Comedy! But... now that I think about it my jokes make people depressed so I tag it with Drama instead. Then again, making people depressed gives me a strange kind of comfort so Hurt/Comfort it is! But if while reading this story a reader starts begging the heavens for all the nonsense and the bad writing to stop, doesn't that make it Spiritual? Or is it Supernatural depending on that person's view of higher beings and powers? Can I tag it with confusion? Is that a thing here, if not can I make it a thing? If I make it a thing and the story motivates me to create something new doesn't that mean that the story is a motivational story? If it is a motivational story, then it can get a Family tag and that makes it a General story, right? Maybe I can tag it as an Adventure because I am having so much trouble finding the right tag for it? Hmmm... I'm just going to leave this one blank, I think. So… I guess it is a Mystery tag?
It was another great day at the Institute of War! The weather was warm enough to melt Lissandra's obscure eyebrows, but not warm enough to fry Anivia's passive egg form. Humid enough as to make Tahm Kench sigh in contentment, but still too dry to save a dehydrated Nami from her imminent death as the dying Marai attempted to crawl back towards her giant fishbowl.
The birds were chirping loudly -just outside of Quinn's window where Valor and an obnoxious brown sparrow were fighting over which one of them had the right to soil the room's windowsill first.
The sun was shining brightly high in the sky -ruining Zed's shadow puppet show as the poor evil ninja attempted to impress Sona with a shadow puppet play of Little Red Riding Mask. A beloved classic Ionian fairy tale about a masked vigilante ninja girl that had somehow managed to dispatch a whole pack of murderous Vastayan wolves, thus preventing the bandits from stealing her master's basket filled to the brim with secret martial art scrolls and sacred kunai.
Long story short, it was a damn good day and the Ionian champions were presently eating inside the Mess Hall in order to save money for calligraphy tools, sailor uniforms and Star Guardian DVDs. Precious, exotic items that had become integrated with the rich culture of the faraway island country.
Regrettably, however, not all Ionian champions put their coin aside and only broke their Poro Banks to purchase scantily clad Lux figurines and painted tea sets or black tea leaves and the like. Oh, no! For there was a damn rebel hidden in the midst of the Ionian champion roster! A filthy degenerate of a Captain that spent every cent of her pocket money in daggers, swords, knives and generally anything sharp enough to give a poor Noxian invader a big booboo.
Irelia's weapon collection had first started small and humble with like, four blades that combined into a cool flying sword, but now the angsty black-haired warrior carried enough steel around to make Garen blush and had enough daggers on her person to make Katarina feel left out and forgotten.
Irelia's countrymen had of course instantly noticed the changes in the good Captain's recent behavior. Master Yi for example had quickly noticed how the Captain's striking emerald orbs would stray a bit too often towards his prized bladed boots whenever the two of them would occasionally converse or trained together… or when the two maniacally stalked Noxian champions at night from the shadows, and spitted on said champions' heads from the safety of their balconies when the Noxian scum were unlucky enough to take a stroll near the two's respective apartments…
Anyways! Shen had paid heed to the Will's sudden interest in his magical Ki blade. Karma was curious as to why Irelia kept spiting on the ground whenever she saw the Enlightened One or Karma tried to converse with her.
Yasuo would have sworn that he had seen Captain Lito stealing silverware, and more specifically cutting utensils from the Institute's kitchens and Mess Hall on more than one occasion...
But the one that had showed the most intrigue and wholeheartedly embraced this angry new Irelia was none other than Varus, the Arrow of Retribution himself! The two Ionian champions had quickly bonded over their hatred for Noxus and conventional weapons. Less than a week after the emergence of the new Captain Lito, the angry lich and the cursed archer had become besties. The two had even made each other friendship bracelets out of the remnants of torn Noxian flags.
"How about some breakfast to go along with your tea, Irelia?" A softly smiling Karma once again attempts to bridge the gap between herself and the hotheaded Knife Stealer. "Would you like some of my pie? I put too much on my plate and I doubt I will be able to finish it by myself."
"That's what she said!" Yells Teemo from a nearby table. Karma simply ignores the Swift Scout even as Akali slowly rises from her seat and quietly strolls towards the widely grinning yordle.
"Argh! No! Stop it! Stop-ah! Arrrgh! This isn't supposed to bend this way!"
A few moments later, Akali returns back to the table and reclaims her seat next to an unblinking Shen. None of the Ionian champions comment on the female ninja's recent actions, or Teemo's whiny sobbing for that matter.
"I don't need your pie or to eat breakfast!" Answers Irelia in a loud and angry tone. "My hate for Noxus sustains me and gives me strength!" The Captain of the Ionian Guard hisses venomously. Master Yi instantly starts clapping, but is forced to stop when Karma glares at him sternly. Varus on the other hand laughs loudly and gives the undead warrior a happy high-five.
"Irelia, could you please stop acting like this? You were acting normally and were my friend just a mere week ago, what could have triggered this bizarre change in your behavior, dear Ire?"
"I deny your very existence!" Growls Irelia as she folds her arms in front of her breasts. The Ionian Captain turns her face sideways as to not look at Karma's sad visage anymore. Irelia had signed the rework contract.
"Ahem…" Varus loudly clears his throat and Irelia sends the corrupted white-haired archer a curious glance, before Varus pointedly jerks his head towards the large golden clock that's hanging above the Mess Hall's main serving area, and Irelia's eyes suddenly widen in terror.
"I hate Noxians! Noxians are scum! I am fucking angry and unique and a fucking badass! Fuck Trees and Freljordians and fuck space dragons for some reason!" The undead Ionian Captain hastily shouts as Irelia frantically starts shoving silverware into her already overflowing pockets. The giant golden clock's hands then move as to point at 10 o'clock and the Blade Stealer sighs in relief. Irelia knows that she is safe for at least an hour, before her rework contract will be endangered. Varus smiles at the panting lich approvingly. Until!..
"Hey, look at this guy's smile! It is so damn creepy, dude!" Says a pale male face that suddenly sprouts up on Varus' left cheek.
"I know, right?" Answers another male face that abruptly appears on the cursed archer's frowning right cheek this time. "It's really freaking me out, man! Straight people are so damn scary if you ask me!"
"What?" Mutters the tremendously confused Arrow of Retribution, only to be interrupted by the first new resident of his face with an angry growl.
"Don't you dare talk back to my heartlight like that, you creep!"
"Oh, Valmar!" Mutters one face in adoration.
"Kai.." Whispers the other one lovingly, and the two faces etched in Varus pale cheeks close their eyes and kiss hungrily, plunging their tongues inside a shocked, wide-eyed Varus' flaring nostrils.
Writer's Note: So many awesome reworks this year (sarcasm). The Noxians are just disciplined and misunderstood, not bloodthirsty warlords. Swain is an intelligent good guy (also misunderstood) with the face of Lucious Malfoy and the hand of Nero from Devil May Cry. Did Xin's rework even change him? Darkin Varus got stuck in a gay love triangle without his consent. Maybe THAT'S what made him evil! (Ducks under the table) …Not those kind of ducks…
And now EdgyAttemptNumber105 joins the League. Borrowing Wonder Woman's armor and headpiece, Irelia (and the emotionless face of someone that's had too many facelifts to change expression while taunting and yelling at others) are back! Well, at least the personality change empowers the rivalry-lover Karma x Irelia ship. Or maybe the one with Ahri since Irelia's voice is softening and only shows positive emotion in that one line. Or maybe it's Ivern because it is the first I saw in the Interactions video. So… is it IreliaxIvernxAhri? I ship it. Ivern will provide the wood for the ship if needed. The ecosystem of a love triangle with Professor Drawing.