Chapter 20: Hope and Fear

Dagobah

Bail Organa sat in the pilot's seat of his cruiser, waiting, as he glanced at the monitor to his right. It showed Xev standing at the edge of the clearing, surrounded by stacks of emergency rations, watching as his ship slowly lifted off, quietly gaining altitude. For the moment there was no sound, no fuss, no muss. The cruiser rose on its antigravity system alone. He was soon clear of the trees, but still he waited.

Such a maneuver was usually unthinkable. Without engines and thrusters, a ship was at the mercy of the elements, as helpless as a balloon. On planets with air traffic control—the vast majority—a stunt like this meant risking your pilot's license or having your ship seized. Dagobah was a rare exception.

Fortunately, today was calm and the ship rose steadily. It did not have "weight" as such, but it still had mass, which prevented it from bouncing like a leaf in the wind. Even so, the ship began a slow, tumbling drift with the breeze, sending it downrange from the clearing. He made no attempt to control it.

As Bail explained to Xev beforehand, he wanted to avoid the characteristic blast marks of a controlled takeoff. His number one priority was to leave no evidence of his visit; to ensure no one suspected a non-native presence on Dagobah. To that end, Yoda's hot pink speeder bike was stowed in his cruiser. It was a civilian toy and its power supply wasn't shielded from detection. He had considered it an acceptable risk before, but given recent events it was now a liability.

He had even asked Xev for her small communicator, and she readily agreed. It had already been exploited once to track her location, and it could happen again. There was, however, one piece of technology he knew to be undetectable, and that he gave to Xev as a parting gift.

"Kai passed this to me. I believe he wanted you to have it," Bail had told Xev as they stood together at the edge of the clearing before parting for the last time.

"What is it?" Xev asked curiously as she took the tube-like device. It looked familiar but she couldn't immediately place it.

Bail smiled. "It's a Jedi weapon—a lightsaber."

"Oh, of course! Like Yoda's, only bigger." Xev gave Bail a big grin as she held it aloft.

Bail laughed. "Yes it is—a better fit for human hands. It projects a contained plasma beam that will cut through practically anything, so do be careful. You could easily lop off your leg without even trying. It takes cycles of training to use it to its full potential, but basically you stick 'em with the shiny end."

Xev nodded her understanding. "Yes, I've seen Yoda in action. It was absolutely amazing! Not just the lightsaber, but the flips and jumps! I hope he makes a full recovery."

Bail gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm sure he will in time—the medical droid certainly says so. We just need to be patient."

Xev looked around at all the emergency rations being left behind. "Yeah, no kidding," she said somewhat ruefully.

As part of the deal, Xev would be out of contact for a minimum of six months. That was at Bail's insistence, though not because Yoda's recovery was expected to take that long. By now, the Empire would be on the alert for the Lexx and anyone associated with it. Until their interest began to wane, trips to Dagobah risked exposing Yoda, and Bail was determined to keep the Empire off balance and focused elsewhere.

Between the emergency rations and additional supplements, Xev had enough supplies to last up to two cycles, and Yoda had enough supplements to last him several. Worst case, if she ran out of supplies, the medical droid estimated Xev could easily go another three or four months before any dietary deficiencies began to show symptoms. Plan for the worst—hope for the best. He had every expectation she would be back with her crew long before then.

A soft pinging from the flight console broke his reverie. His cruiser was now high above the tree canopy and climbing ever faster. Time to begin the startup sequence.

As the engines cycled up to full power, Bail glanced once again at the view below. Xev, he thought, was truly remarkable. A person who had gone through terrible tragedy, and yet came out the other side of it in reasonably intact. A person who, with only a little persuasion, was willing to help someone she had just met, in support of a cause she knew little about, because she saw the same darkness she experienced in her own universe.

For a second time in his life, the drums of war were beating—this time a war of liberation. He thought little of Stanley Tweedle, but on the strength of his meeting with Xev, he would be happy, once the dust settled, to invite the entire crew of the Lexx to settle on Alderaan as members of a New Republic.

Another ping got his attention. The navigation computer had his return trip plotted and the engines were ready. With a silent wave good-bye to the monitor, Bail spoke one word to the ship. "Embark."

Down in the clearing, Xev watched as the silvery cruiser slowly shrank as it silently drifted higher and higher. Without warning, the tail end of the ship brightened before it vanished from sight. A distant thunder-like crackle arrived a second or two later. It was a relatively quiet departure; a far cry from its noisy arrival a couple of days earlier.

Without the comm unit, the loincloth pouch was no longer useful. Xev pulled the pouch off the leather cord and tossed it away, then tied an open loop into the cord before retying it to her waist. The lightsaber fit nicely in the loop and didn't shake loose when she experimentally jumped up and down a few times.

Next, Xev scooped up as many emergency rations as she could carry before heading off to Yoda's dwelling. After a quick check on Yoda, who was fast asleep in his bed, she was off to collect more rations.

On the second round trip, Xev decided the lightsaber was, at least for now, more trouble than it was worth. It kept slapping against her thigh as she walked, and that was unnerving. Could the slapping motion cause it to activate? What she needed, she reasoned, was a second cord looped around her leg to hold it steady. The problem was, the remaining cluster lizard cord wasn't long enough to make a separate leg piece. She would have to weave twine out of plant material, and that would require some experimentation to get right. Besides, who was she going to fight? Without a second thought, she untied the cord and tossed both it and the lightsaber onto her bedding before heading out.

On her final round, Xev spotted something moving near the dwelling. It was Yoda! For the first time in days, he was awake. He was bent over, his cane in one hand to steady himself while using a small tool in his other hand to dig a shallow trench.

She dropped her supplies and ran to him. "Master Yoda! How are you feeling? You've had us worried!"

Yoda looked up. "What troubles you, youngling?" he asked, seeming somewhat distracted before continuing his work.

"You trouble me!" Xev replied breathlessly. "You haven't been well. You've been asleep for days! Bail Organa was here."

Yoda paused and focused on Xev. "Bail Organa?" he asked, a slight frown on his face as he tried to think back.

"Well, it's not surprising you don't remember. You were unconscious at the time. He came in a silvery ship and brought a robot… I mean a medical droid with him. And he gave us a lot of supplies."

Yoda gave a nod and resumed digging his trench. "Yes," he said dryly. "The clutter I had noticed." He straightened up and examined his work. Satisfied, he slowly walked towards the entrance of his home.

"Yeah, sorry about the mess," Xev said as she paced beside Yoda. "I'll get that stuff organized and put away."

She paused for a moment, her curiosity coming to the fore now that Yoda was up and about. "What are you doing?" she asked as she waved back at Yoda's work.

"Time for planting it is," he replied before ducking slightly into the entrance. "Yes, yes—time to grow things, for life and the Force are bound together."

The last part was muffled as he disappeared from sight.

"Oh?" Xev looked up and around. The trees were thick here. There was almost no direct light and very little undergrowth.

"Don't plants need sunlight or something to grow?" she called after Yoda uncertainly. She crawled into the entrance.

Yoda smiled indulgently and patted Xev on the head.

"Yes!" he exclaimed with a nod and a smile. "Plants need sunlight. Now clear this away."

He waved at the rations and then pointed outside with his cane.

"Seeds I will plant." Yoda turned, humming to himself as he rummaged around.

Xev obediently began to get the rations organized, finding nooks and crannies to store them out of the way. After a few minutes of silence, she started to talk as she worked.

"I didn't know you had any seeds. Are they from off-world, or did you collect them here? If plants need sunlight, how will they grow under all these trees? Are those special seeds for plants adapted to low light? Will it be something we can eat?"

There was no reply.

"Yoda?" Xev turned around on her knees.

Yoda was gone. Sighing, Xev started to go back to work when she spotted an open container. It was one of Yoda's nutrition bottles laying on its side, pills spilled out on the floor.

A sudden realization struck her. "Oh no!"

She crawled out as fast as she could and ran over to Yoda, who was happily humming to himself while dropping pills in his freshly dug trench.

"Yoda! Stop!" she cried, waving her hands.

Yoda paused and looked up. "What troubles you, youngling?" he said, before tossing in another pill.

"Master Yoda! Those are not seeds!"

Xev dropped to her knees beside Yoda and held out her hand.

"Please, Master Yoda. You need to give me those pills."

Yoda gave her a kindly smile, his ears perked up. "Truly wonderful the mind of a youngling is."

He waved expansively. "The Force is all around us, in every living thing, including these seeds."

He opened his hand, showing a few remaining pills to Xev. "Can you not feel the Force within?"

Xev smiled. "Yes Master Yoda, I believe I can, but not from a handful of pills. Those are for you to take while you heal. They were given to you by Bail Organa's medical droid."

"Bail Organa?" Yoda looked slightly confused.

"Yes. We talked about this a couple of minutes ago. Bail Organa was here."

"Aware I am not Bail Organa is here in the capital."

"Well he's not here now, he left about…. Wait! What do you mean, 'capital?' "

"Coruscant of course. Even planet-wide cities have their parks, if where to look you know."

Xev groaned. "Yoda," she said gently. "This is Dagobah, not a place called Coruscant. You've been living here for years."

"Dagobah?" Yoda looked around again. "Yes, it could be…."

A sudden look of panic hit Yoda. "The younglings!" he cried in alarm.

This was immediately followed by a crestfallen, disappointed look. "Anakin! What have you done!"

His ears drooped low as he stared down and tightly gripped his cane as he remembered.

Finally, Yoda looked back up at Xev. "A youngling you are not," he stated flatly.

There was a change. Yoda no longer looked confused, but in full command of his faculties.

"That's right," Xev agreed with a nod of her head. "I am not a child. Do you remember who I am?"

"Yes. You are Xev," Yoda replied with a nod of his own. "Easy to remember, you are. Strong with the Force you are, but in a way that is different."

He closed his eyes as he let the Force guide him. "An instinctive, even primitive connection, you have…. Yes, yes—strong but undisciplined."

He opened his eyes and looked up at Xev, head slightly cocked. "You have noticed something different about this place? A darkness, yes?"

"Actually, we talked about that already. You said a Dark Jedi or other died somewhere around here a really long time ago."

Yoda snorted. "Not that long ago. Remember it like yesterday when he was killed, I do. Only seven hundred years ago, it was."

There was a slightly mischievous look on Yoda's face. "Found the location, have you?"

"Do you mean where he died? No, I haven't exactly been looking."

"Seek it out, you should."

"Why? What will I find if I do?"

Yoda's ears perked up. "Only what you take with you," he said, and he refused to say anything more.

After that, Yoda tired quickly. Xev fussed over him, encouraging him to eat and get some rest.

As soon as Yoda was settled, Xev discreetly busied herself with putting away the remaining rations and salvaged what nutrition pills she could. It probably wasn't necessary given the oversupply provided by Bail, but Xev was starting to appreciate his generosity. You simply didn't know what might happen, and six months was a long way off.

Her chores completed, Xev sat quietly on her bedding, listening to Yoda's rhythmic breathing. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of animal calls outside. She picked up on a sense of direction, a foreboding in the Force that seemed to faintly call. It had been there all along of course—she had simply kept it at bay. Now, after Yoda's somewhat cryptic comments, she allowed her mental shield to fade.

An urgent, primal rush of conflicted feelings hit her at once, like a punch in the gut. It was an irresistible combination—a sudden hot flash of intense arousal mixed with a strong sense of danger that only served to increase both her excitement and fear. She desperately tried to block it by thinking of something else—Kai. A mental picture of hot sex with Kai popped up unbidden. That made it worse. She switched imagines to Stanley. Poor, pathetic Stanley, with his thinning hair, saggy skin and pot belly, and she was riding on top, shuttering with pleasure and horror at the very idea. No! No! No!

Her remaining resistance crumbled. Her breathing became short and ragged as the sensations strengthened. She fell back on her bedding, oblivious, twitching and overwhelmed by uncontrolled stimulation. Her heart felt like it was going to explode.

"STOP!"

In an instant, her mental defenses snapped back into place. Xev sat up abruptly, gasping for breath, hot, sweaty, her skin flushed red, muscles trembling with diminishing spasms. She drew up her legs and tightly wrapped her arms around them. She took several deep, slow breaths and thought calming thoughts. After a moment, she felt much better.

"Thank you, Yoda, I don't know what—"

Yoda was still asleep. The whole thing had only lasted a few seconds.

Xev looked around. There was no one else around, of course. Had she shouted stop? Or maybe she had simply imagined it as a way to make it stop?

Now she was angry. What could possibly make her imagine having sex with Stanley? She was determined to find out. She picked up the lightsaber as she considered her options.

You will find what you take with you, Yoda had said, more or less.

She didn't know how to use this weapon—not yet. With some reluctance she set it back down. If the key was to not take things with you, she reasoned, then as someone with no weapons, no clothes, no tattoos, no jewelry or adornments of any kind, she had to be the most qualified person ever! It made her laugh. If taking nothing meant finding nothing, well, that was fine by her.

Xev crawled out of the dwelling and set off, easily following the call of darkness. Daylight diminished as the tree canopy became thicker, reducing visibility to a dusk-like gloom. There were dead bushes everywhere here, with long sharp thorns ready to stab the unwary, but a month of living on Dagobah had taught her the difference between walking through the forest and slipping through the forest. She easily avoided those obstacles. The ground began to rise and become rocky—an unusual feature on Dagobah, and then she found the last thing she would have ever expected to exist on a swampy planet—a cave entrance.

Properly speaking, it wasn't a true cave formed by water leaching away limestone. It was a deep hollow created by the roots and trunk of a giant, ancient tree that fell centuries ago. The rocky soil had settled into a natural arch, preserving the cave long after the tree was gone. The echoes of the Dark side came from within.

Xev began to carefully pick her way into the cave, feeling her way forward with her toes. Her feet were tougher now, but some of the rocks were sharp enough to hurt if she put her weight on them. The gloom became darker. As her eyes adjusted, she noticed moss growing on the walls with just enough of a phosphorescent glow to keep her from being completely blind. She was feeling cold, but not from an actual change in temperature. It was, she realized, the influence of the Dark side.

She had been so focused on her footing it came as a start to realize she wasn't alone. A wave of alarm hit Xev as she perceived the outline of a figure ahead—tall, black, menacing. She could hear him breathing as he stood in her path. With a leap of intuition, Xev was certain who it had to be.

"His Shadow," she hissed at the figure.

"His Divine Shadow, yes," corrected the figure in a deep, modulated voice.

"You cannot be here!" Xev cried defiantly. "Kai fulfilled his destiny! The last of the Brunnen-G destroyed you, as the Time Prophet foretold. I saw it for myself!"

"The Time Prophet's vision appears to be flawed," came the chillingly calm reply. "You saw the Gigashadow destroyed, but my insect essence escaped. A part of me was safe in the Lexx; a weapon I designed, you may recall."

"No!" Xev insisted, but with less conviction than before. "The insect essence cannot pass through the fractal core. You tried before and were driven back!"

"We did not travel through the fractal core," replied His Divine Shadow. "The collapse of the Light Universe created something new, and a divine opportunity."

He took a step towards Xev. "The Power of Order is here. The Power of Order will continue. And with your assistance, the Power of Order will conquer this universe."

"I will not help you! The people of this galaxy will not help you. They will unite against you!"

His Divine Shadow took another step forward, driving Xev a step back. "The resources of a single galaxy cannot stop me, and I do not require your cooperation. I only require your body."

Xev felt a surge of panic. "NO!" She backed off another step, desperately feeling around her for anything that could be used as a weapon.

"Your mind will be gone," continued His Divine Shadow. "But your body will live on. Ironic, is it not, that a lowly bio-sculpted love slave will host the greatest lifeform to ever exist? And yet, your body has advantages I had not considered in past incarnations. Its attractiveness to your species will complement my own skills."

"Ha! That will have limited value," Xev said as her foot discovered a sharp rock. "Humans are only one of many intelligent species in this place."

His Divine Shadow paused and waved grandly as he looked up, as though he could see the stars through the cave ceiling. Xev took that moment to reach down for the rock.

"Did you know our own Light universe started out that way? Multiple species working together? I selected humans for their ease of manipulation and proclivity to kill. With my guidance, the other species were eliminated one by one, until only humans and the insect civilization remained. It was the work of over one hundred thousand years. It will be no different in this universe."

With a cry, Xev launched herself at His Divine Shadow. It was a measure of her desperation that she did so at all. She didn't really expect to connect with anything substantial, and was mildly surprised when she actually crashed into a body, knocking over the person covered in robes. Without hesitation, she straddled the person to keep him down and used her cluster lizard strength to smash the rock down, again and again without aim, breaking ribs and random bones until she finally stopped, exhausted. The body laid still, blood spreading and seeping into the ground.

After a few seconds, she tossed the rock aside and pushed back the hood. She stared in shock. The face was ruined, but unmistakable—she was staring at herself. She untied the robe. It certainly looked like her body underneath, the chest caved in, raw bones sticking out in places. Without warning, the body vanished, and Xev was alone. The rocky cave floor was dusty and dry.

As Xev slowly made her way back to Yoda's dwelling, she finally realized what Yoda meant when he said she would find "what you take." Far from taking nothing, she had brought her fears, uncertainties, and doubts. Now that she understood how the Dark side played on one's emotions, she wanted to give that cave another go—but not today. Yoda was out planting "seeds" again.

Xev sighed. It was going to be a long six months.