Disclaimer: I own nothing - apologies for any errors

Dressed in a light blue broderie anglaise maxi dress Elizabeth loaded a sleepy William into his car seat; his little hands clinging to locks of her hair collar as he dozed. Easing him gently into place, she teased her hair out from his fingers and replaced it with his favourite teddy bear. His dummy being gently suckled as he dreamt of bunny rabbits and wildflower meadows. William had never been a bad sleeper for which Elizabeth had always been grateful, but today she felt blessed - blessed as the journey was difficult enough without a stubborn toddler who refused any attempt of calming him.

The car was fully loaded and William had slept soundly throughout as Elizabeth had loaded a pram, day bags, spare clothes and toys into the boot of the car. Very rarely was Elizabeth herself quiet, she had been clumsy all her life, but today she had eased everything into the boot with the grace of a gazelle, her concentration on not waking her aunt and uncle.

Last night Alison had tried to artfully explain to Elizabeth all of the reasons why she shouldn't attend the picnic - the discussion ultimately ended in a heated argument. It became so heated that Elizabeth had stormed to her bedroom and slammed the door with a flourish – a dramatic end to an exhausting day. The outburst was completely out of character for Elizabeth, unlike her mother and sisters she had never been prone to dramatics and as a teenager had spent more time baiting her siblings for entertainment, rather than joining them.

Alison had sombrely knocked on Elizabeth's door before she retired to bed, but she ignored Alison – she hadn't even pretended she was sleep. They say you should never go to sleep on an argument, but Elizabeth was too tired to continue fighting.

It was a particularly crisp morning, the frost hung low over the fields and dew had settled on the ground. Elizabeth snuggled into her heated leather seats and gently thrummed the engine, letting the car silently navigate over her Cotswold stone drive. There were no other cars on the roads, deer and rabbits crossed her path; thankfully they all darted out of the way before she reached them. Her driving was particularly fierce. Going fast distracted her from thinking about the hurtful words that had been exchanged the previous evening. Today was going to be hard enough without dwelling on the venomous words she had uttered to the people who loved her like a daughter. There was nothing Lizzie could do to make them understand; today was not just about Kitty it was about her too.

"Kitty is using you like she always has Elizabeth." Alison had pleaded the previous evening. "Everyone at the barbecue tomorrow will have no kind words to say to you or William. They will not welcome you back into their arms: there will be no heart-warming sorry for their absent years."

Elizabeth didn't need to look deep down to know her aunt spoke the truth. There was nothing more consistent than her families' behaviour; they were all creatures of habit – including her. But that is what her aunt had failed to realise – going to the picnic wasn't about being accepted back into the family, Elizabeth didn't need a welcome home parade. Going to the picnic was about doing the right thing – by herself and by Kitty. All of her life Elizabeth had taken the easy route: running away when she fell pregnant; hiding William from Darcy; not going to Japan. Going to the picnic was about doing the right thing by herself, her sister, Darcy and most of all William.

A soft shuffling broke Elizabeth's reverie. William's eyes slowly fluttered open and his pudgy little fingers rubbed at his face to try to take away the sleepiness. Outside the birds were twirling in the bright morning light capturing William's attention. Fascinated he reached for the glass, his head following the birds as they elegantly danced together in the sky.

"Good morning my sleepy head," Elizabeth peered in the rear-view mirror, reaching behind her and affectionately touching his feet as they wiggled in the air.

"Moomi," he said, reaching for his foot as he tried to capture her hand. When William couldn't reach his mothers hand he squealed, reaching for the window again – the birds were soaring higher and higher into the sky, their intricate dance entertaining and beautiful. "Baaaa," William squealed.

"No Baaaa beautiful – cheep cheep," Elizabeth corrected.

"Baaaa," William persisted "Baaa, Baaa, Baaaa."

Elizabeth was positive William was being intentionally stubborn about the animal noises, he knew all of the farmyard noises from the Ole MacDonald song, but his obstinate behaviour made her smile – stubbornness was perhaps the one quality he had got from both of his parents.

It was precious moments like this that made Lizzie realise how lucky she was; during her University years Elizabeth had partied a lot and drank often, but as she had grown up city life had bored her – living in the countryside with William was perfect.

The miles passed and their destination drew closer, the brown signs for Rosings Park would start appearing soon – too soon. The unease Elizabeth felt caused bile to rise up in her throat, a feeling of dread she wasn't able to shake. She was nervous for herself, but also for William, her innocent baby was going to be subjected to the cruel ways of the upper class and she wasn't sure she could handle 'them' treating him with censure.

Turning off the main road Elizabeth proceeded along a muddy track that had high brick walls on either side. The walls were imposing and framed by trees forming a canopy across the road, they blocked out nearly all light and warmth; it was like they sucked happiness from the world as she grew to her destination. Elizabeth has always wondered whether the walls were to keep outsiders away from Rosings Park or those inside contained.

At the end of the track stood two enormous black wrought iron gates. The gates were so imposing they could have kept Satan himself out or Elizabeth thought Mrs de Bourgh inside.

Breaking sharply Elizabeth turned off the engine and blocked the road. A damp sweat trickling had begun down her neck, pearls of moisture gathering at her collarbone as her breathing caught in her throat. Throwing off her seatbelt and flinging open the door Elizabeth burst out of her seat, sinking to the icy tarmac letting the cool metal of the car sooth her feverish temperature.

Elizabeth was trying desperately to regain her composure, ignoring William as he began to drum at the car window. His little fists beating harder on the glass as his screamed. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut, jamming her fists against her ears as she tried not to panic. Her breathing quickened and she was gasped for air; the air around her not quenching her thirst causing blood to gush through her veins.

'What is happening,' she thought, 'I shouldn't be here.' The crippling anxiety of facing her disapproving mother and sisters was too much. Alienating the only people who had supported them crushed her; the reality of disappointing her surrogate parents was heartbreaking.

William screamed louder and louder, his frightened wailing increasing in pitch with every passing second, but still Elizabeth clung to the ground, steadying herself as all her senses left her.

The panic had enveloped Elizabeth so much she did not hear the car door shut behind her until it was too late.

"Elizabeth?" a familiar voice said. A gentle pair of hands grasping either side of her face, commanding her to look into the owner's eyes.

Authors Note

Thank you to new and old readers.

Chapter updated: 20.07.2019