Tags: Humor? Songfiction with 4 lines of lyrics and loads of other text? Stereotypes? I had the idea for the story since the cooking skins came out. That and a very vivid and recurring daydream of Sashimi Akali inviting Nami to the openings of her new restaurant. Serial killer style.
There is a relatively small, and often overlooked building nestled in the heart of the bustling big city. A hunched and humble tombstone of an office building with only two derelict floors built to it and dusty windows that are overlooking much taller, old concrete walls and dark smelly alleyways. The interior of the broke and widely unknown recording studio that is housed inside said building is not in a better condition than the outside. A variety of ancient, once really popular, but now completely forgotten album covers and faded concert posters are decorating the walls of studio's untidy and drafty rooms. The phones of the studio are silent as if in deep slumber, the welcoming mat by the door is scroungy and depressing in appearance. The scratched business sign just outside of the rickety door that's spelling 'Killa Rat Records' and sports the caricature of a roaring rodent is missing more than a few of its plain black letters.
Yet, despite all those blatant signs of abandonment and decline there were still two souls arguing inside the walls of the crumbling old building.
"Lucian! Lucian, ma man! 50Gold! Come on, stop to think about this fer a second! This gig might be for us the opportunity of a lifetime!"
The human-sized rodent and proud owner of the Killa Rat recording company is visibly sweating as it positions its fat body in front of the exit, lest Twitch's golden goose decides to seek a more respectful establishment to record his new album.
"No way, man." The frowning dark-skinned rapper shakes his head furiously at Twitch. "I'm not doing this. Nuh-uh! No way am I singing a dumb song for a cringy steak advertisement."
"Lucian…" Heatedly replies Twitch in a lecturing tone of voice. "Come on, man. You think that all the big playahs in the music industry would be up there making millions of gold coins every day and snorting Zyra's earwax if they didn't do these things when they first started? You think Teeminem didn't bow his head once to climb up to tha top? You think that great artists like Lil Vayne, 2Zac, Docta Kennan, Mundona and OPianna started selling millions of concert tickets without starring in humiliating music clips and advertising acne cream, deodorants and dairy products?"
Lucian's frown remains, but the rapper shakes his head right and left. And Twitch knows that he has managed to change the upcoming artist's mind when the dark-skinned man grudgingly reexamines the advertisement's script and its god-awful lyrics.
"Fine, I will do it. Just this once, but never again, ya hear?" Lucian concedes after a while. Twitch offers him his biggest and most toothy grin. The scene slowly fades out.
*The music video starts*
Lucian is seating on a luxurious leather armchair counting fake diamonds and golden coins as Nidalee and Lux, both in revealing white lingerie are having a slow-motion pillow fight. Feathers and fluff fly about lethargically as the camera lens zooms in, first to Lucian's serious face and his moving lips, then at the golden chains that are hanging around the rapper's neck, before the camera lens finally shifts back to the two laughing women hitting each other with a pair of torn pillowcases.
"I don't know what you heard about meat"
The camera moves suggestively and pauses at a close-up of Lux's and Nidalee's thighs at the word 'meat'.
"But Olaf's steak is too tasty not to eat."
Katarina, dressed in a sexy black bikini walks in the scene with a covered silver platter held in her hands. The stunning redhead proceeds to hold the platter in front of Lucian and dramatically remove the lid. The camera zooms in on the grilled steak that's set on the platter. Lucian exaggeratedly leans down and breathes in, the rapper closes his eyes as if enjoying the scent of his presented dinner.
"No Cow disease, no freaky stuff, just a juicy dream."
The upcoming rapper patiently waits as Nidalee cuts the steak with a silver knife and fork. Lux teasingly feeds a small piece of meat to Lucian. We get a very brief shot of Katarina biting at her bottom lip seductively while closing her eyes and sprinkling her bikini-clad breasts with the saltshaker for some odd reason.
"Now go to Olaf's butchery and get yo motherfucking meal!"
The rapper growls. Lucian grins confidently as if he is on cloud nine. Meanwhile Lux, Nidalee and Katarina start dancing close to each other, occasionally rubbing their bodies together by accident. When the camera moves away from him Lucian finds the chance to discreetly turn his head around and spits his morsel behind the leather armchair. The fucking steak tastes like cotton and is chewy like a car tire.
Just out of sight and inside the recording room Twitch is rubbing his hands in pure glee, confident in the success of the meat advertisement.
Disclaimer: I don't own 5Ocents song Pimp.