"Attacked by a crazy turbaned professor," Pansy pointed at her finger meaningfully.
"Professor Quirrell," Theo added, muttering past a mouth full of mash. Pansy waved of his suggestion, barely missing a beat.
"Almost gets eaten by a freeze-you-in-place-with-a-stare snake, just casually kicking back beneath Hogwarts, who like, no one had even bothered with for ages."
"Basilisk," Theo added helpfully.
"Not to mention nearly getting everything sucked out through his nostrils, by those sucky face, skeletal things."
"Dementors," Blaise corrected past his laughter. Pansy quickly slapped his arm and carried on with her tirade, ignoring his whines of protest.
"Is almost crushed by the huge flailing tree."
"The whomping willow." Blaise gave Theo an incredulous look when he managed to comment, unscathed.
"Are these in chronological order because I'm pretty sure you're a little off…"
"Shut up Zabini. Then bang, his name pops out of a fancy cup."
"The goblet of fire? Did you seriously just call the goblet of fire a fancy cup?" Theo practically screeched.
"She's worse than a muggle - ow. Why aren't you hitting him?"
"He flies away from a dragon, dives into a freezing cold lake, full of Merlin knows what, and gets crowned king of the fish people."
"Mermaids, Pansy, they're Mermaids." Theo put his fork down, deciding food could wait, in light of Pansy's stupidity.
"I'm surprised it was a dragon, and not winged lizard – Ow. Pans, seriously, this is verging on abuse."
Pansy, paused, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "My point is,"
"Oh, so there is a point then - don't hit me." Blaise put his hands up.
"You will sit next to her."
"My point is," Pansy spoke louder, trying to drown out the noise of her friend, "he just won't die."
"Well, that's dark, even for you."
"Oh, come one, anyone else in a similar situation would have been dead ten times over."
"Hmm, compelling argument, especially from someone who doesn't know the Goblet of Fires actual name."
"How did he not get hit for that?" Pansy waved off Blaise's complaint and leant across the table.
"I have a theory," she whispered conspiratorially. Blaise groaned by her side.
"This isn't your ghost theory again is it?" Pansy turned to him quickly.
"It's possible."
"Pans for the last time, Harry Potter is not a ghost."
"Now hold up there, Zabini, she might have a point." Theo cautioned holding up his hand, his face stony.
"You cannot be serious?"
"The famous Boy-Who-Lived-To-Annoy-Us-All actually having everyone fooled and being dead the whole time? I'm absolutely serious. Miss Parkinson may be on to a winner."
"You are just a shit stir…"
"See, I told you, Blaise. It is possible."
"So, what do you intend to do with this piece of enlightenment?" Theo bit back a chuckle at the glare Blaise was sending his way.
"You know, I hadn't thought about it."
"Perhaps you should."
"It's alright for you, she doesn't drag you along on her crazy delusions - ow."
"Well you don't have to be bothered with my crazy delusions this time, Theo will go with me, won't you Theo?" Theo hesitated, noticing the dark look Blaise was cutting him. Raising one eyebrow languidly, he continued.
"Oh, I don't know Pans, it seems…"
Draco fell heavily into the chair next to him, halting whatever the brown-haired wizard had to say by knocking over his cup full of pumpkin juice; it skittered across the table, orange liquid spreading along the brown wood, heading towards Pansy. She squealed, launching herself onto Blaise's lap.
"It's pumpkin juice Pansy, not draught of living death," Blaise muttered, trying to push her back into her own seat.
"Cheers, mate," Theo thanked Draco sarcastically, casting a quick cleaning spell that poured the juice back where it had come from.
"So," Blaise straightened out his robes, "what manner of spiky beast crawled up your arse?"
"Leave it, Zabini." Draco bit out, piling food onto his plate angrily, not bothering to glance up and acknowledge his friends.
The three looked at each other for answers, finding only bewilderment they turned back to the blonde.
"Erm, Draco?" Pansy started nervously, "you okay?"
"Fine, peachy, couldn't be fuckin better." Pansy jumped as Draco slammed a bowl of potatoes back on the table, digging his fork viciously into his food.
"So – er, wanna talk about it?" Theo pulled his cup of pumpkin juice away slowly, leaning back in his chair.
"No." He was staring daggers at a rather smug group of Gryffindors who were laughing loudly at the other end of the hall.
She hadn't turned up. He'd waited, like an idiot, and she'd not bothered to show her face. He could see her, squashed snugly between Potty and Weasel, hanging off the sniveling Scarface's arm like she hadn't just stood up a Malfoy.
"Where were you today? You missed Potty getting crowned king of the fish people," Pansy chirped, sensing that whatever anger Draco had shown, was back to simmering just beneath the surface.
"Mermaids, Pansy, and he wasn't crowned king of anything. Just awarded points he didn't deserve, for; goodwill, heroic valour, weak pathetic crap. You know, the usual Gryffindor tripe," Blaise muttered, tearing apart some bread, popping a piece in his mouth with a grin.
"I still can't believe the mudblood was Krum's precious object. I mean, precious?" Pansy snorted, flipped her hair over her shoulder as she turned to look at the mudblood in question. "Snotty and know-it-all, without question, but precious? You must be joking." Draco's head shot up.
"What?"
"The bushy-haired know-it-all somehow fooled Krum into thinking that she, of all people, is precious."
"She got put underwater for a really long time so that, wonder-Krum could hop in and save her." Blaise translated for Draco, looking far from impressed. The explanation did little to dispel Draco's anger, instead it was overcome with a burning of jealousy that made him feel sick.
"Do I detect jealously, Parkinson? Is it your secret dream to be chained underwater, held prisoner by, as you put it, 'fish people', and rescued by your Shark Prince Charming?" Theo mocked, fluttering his eyelashes dreamily.
"Yes, I think it's the least I deserve," Pansy spat over her shoulder, squinting as Hermione let out a loud laugh.
"Well that can be arranged, maybe not the Shark Prince rescuing part, but you know, everything else." Blaise shrugged, grinning evilly as Pansy took a swipe at him.
"I don't know Zabini, I reckon you could grow some gills if the occasion called for it." Theo wiggled his eyebrows at his friend, laughing when Blaise glared at him.
"And what's that supposed to mean, Nott?"
They both jumped as Draco's knife and fork clattered onto his plate.
"What do you suppose it is, with Potter and Krum?" He asked angrily, glaring at the Gryffindor table, not even bothering to meet his friend's confused glances.
"What about them?" Pansy asked, confused, glancing between Theo and Blaise as if the two boys could offer some sort of explanation.
"You know, all the fawning. All the nauseating hero worship?"
'Erm, well with Potty; Gryffindor, boy-who-lived, you know, the reasons why you've always hated him and Krum, well Krum's just dreamy." Pansy shrugged as though it were all very self-explanatory.
"Are you alright, mate?" Theo sounded as though he cared, his forehead creasing with worry.
"Just - just fed up with this whole Goblet crap. Can't get away from it."
"Tell me about it," Blaise said with a nod, "it's all anyone can talk about these days."
"Because it's so awesome!" Theo defended, "I'm sorry Drake but it is. Plus, supposing that Pansy's theory is wrong, there stands a chance that Potty might actually pop his hero clogs."
"Ghost theory again." Blaise clarified as Draco turned to turn him confused.
"I'm not having this argument with you again, Zabini, it's possible and you know it," Pansy shrugged.
"Right, of course, I do."
"Do I detect sarcasm, Blaise?" Theo grinned evilly.
"Can you just put that gigantic spoon down for a second?"
"Come on then, let's hear it. How are you so sure it's not possible?" Pansy challenged lifting her nose into the air.
"Seriously? All the reasons. All the logic-based reasons that you could possibly think of."
"That's not an answer, Zabini."
"How is that not an answer? For one Potty is very much alive and by Salazar, if that isn't the most logical argument to disprove your 'theory' then we are all…"
"Inconsequential don't you think, Pans?"
"Nott, I'm seriously going to…"
"Drake, what's the matter." Both boys turned to face their blonde friend and Pansy tipped her head to the side in concern, her voice cutting through their argument. Water sloshed over the side of his cup as it shook in his grip, his mouth curling into a snarl that looked almost animalistic.
"Er mate, you're gonna dent the cup." Theo reached across to take it from his hands, placing it gently on the table. As if breaking some spell Draco let his head fall into his hands and groaned loudly.
"You know you can talk to us, right?" Pansy leant across the table and gripped Draco's arm sympathetically. With a sigh, he lowered his hands and looked at Pansy.
"It's nothing, just tired, that's all." He wasn't tired. He knew exactly what it was, and the very knowledge made him want to Avada himself into oblivion. He was jealous, of stupid snot-nosed Potter and 'Wonder-Krum'. "I'm just going to go."
"We'll - er we'll go with you won't we guys?" Pansy scrambled to her feet looking meaningfully at Blaise and Theo. Eventually, the pair agreed, grumbling under their breath. It was pointless to argue with the witch and they both knew it.
"And then I told him that it just wasn't going to happen, do you know what those spells do to your hair?" Pansy spluttered, turning to a bored-looking Blaise.
"No, what do those spells do to your hair?" Blaise repeated in monotone.
"Well, Millicent's hair fell out."
"You sure that was the spell, I mean, no offence, but yeesh." Theo shuddered, pulling a face.
"That's just cruel."
"No, Pans it's true. Millicent, bless her, while possessing many qualities, has always been…"
"Aesthetically challenged," Theo finished.
"Just saying bless her does not make the insult any better."
"Slightly hypocritical considering what you were saying about the Weaselette earlier."
"But she's Ginger!"
"And Millicent is gross."
Draco zoned as they all began arguing again, noticing Hermione with her usual golden friends, Krum sauntering up to them his face all smug. His actions were entirely fuelled by jealousy, pushing him through the crowd till he was stood over her, his nostrils all but flaring with the anger that had been burning in his gut for a good few days.
"Ah if it isn't dick one, dick two and dickette." Harry and Ron turned to him looking less than impressed. "What happened Krum, get lost on the way to your fan club?" The seeker looked somewhat confused, muttering something unintelligible in Hermione's ear. The bushy-haired-witch shook her head, her eyes boring into Draco's, her expression unfathomable.
"Pansy tells me you got crowned king of the fish people, that's something to write home about," Draco sneered at Harry.
"Go away, Malfoy I don't have the energy for your petty insults," Harry sighed, turning his back on the blonde.
"Yeah ferret, back off," Ron barked, pushing himself off the wall.
"Relax, I'm not here for you. I just came to tell your mudblood friend here to keep public displays of slobbering to a minimum. My friends and I were feeling a little nauseous." Everyone gathered seemed a little confused, turning inquisitive gazes towards Hermione as she scowled.
"I'd like to know why you and your friends were staring in the first place."
"The sounds of desperation were somewhat deafening." Draco stepped forward angrily.
"Perhaps you should spend less time worrying about what a filthy mudblood is doing, and more time thinking up some better insults."
"Watch your mouth, Mudblood," Pansy spat, stepping the round the back of her friend, Theo and Blaise trailing behind her.
"Letting girls fight your battles now?"
"Whatever Granger, at least I don't hop in and out of bed with the latest 'hero'. Quite the little love triangle you've drawn yourself, don't you think?" Draco pointed at her, Krum and Harry slowly, smirking down at her.
"Why you little…" Ron rushed forward, only to be held back by Harry.
"Oh, sod off Malfoy," Harry shouted.
"Or what Potty? You gonna let the rabid weasel off his leash?" He gestured lazily at Ron, who was struggling against his friend's arm.
"Let's just go you guys, some people are just not worth the time," Hermione sniffed, grabbing Harry and Ron's arms and pulling them away from the Slytherins.
"Of course, I'm not, I don't have selflessness coming out my arse, or my own spread in the Daily Prophet," Draco shouted after her.
"Oh, grow up, Malfoy." Draco's hands clenched at his sides as he shook with anger.
"Stupid – filthy – fuck…"
"What was that about?" Theo asked. He knew Draco, had known him for the longest time and he was acting strange.
"Yeah, I mean, I hate the Golden arse's as much as the next person, but that was -"
"Weird." Blaise finished. They all nodded, and Draco rolled his eyes.
"Just leave it." He needed to be alone, needed to get away from his questioning friends and from Hermione and her brown eyes that made him feel things he didn't want to feel, had no right feeling. A bit of distance would make everything better. Ignoring his friend's protests he shouldered his way through the crowd before he found a quiet corridor and fell against the wall.
"What the hell was that about?" Her shouting stunned him out of his thoughts, and he watched as an angry Hermione stormed towards him. The sight was annoyingly breath-taking.
"What was what, Mudblood?" He pushed himself off the wall and started lazily walking away.
"Don't you walk away from me; you know exactly what I'm talking about. Will you stop? I'm missing a lesson because of you." Malfoy rolled his eyes, turning back to her.
"Like I care Mudblood."
"I thought things had changed."
"And why would you think that?"
"Because – Because -"
"Does this have anything to do with the fact that we arranged to meet up and you decided not to turn up?"
"Oh, you cannot be serious, that's what this is about? It's not like I deliberately went out of my way not to meet you."
"I really couldn't give a toss, Granger. Now leave me alone."
"Don't lie to me. Why does this upset you so much?" Draco grit his teeth, storming back towards her.
"The only thing that upsets me, you filthy little Mudblood, is the fact that you're still sharing the same breathing space as me," Hermione recoiled, "now go infect someone else and leave me alone."
There were tears in her eyes, glimmering on her eyelashes in tiny drops and they made him feel terrible. Like someone had punched him in the gut. But it was necessary, he knew that. No one treated a Malfoy the way she had done and got away with it. He stalked away, thanking all things Merlin that the Sensieve decided to leave them to their hate.