Chapter 15 – Victoria's hanky

The following day, Diego considered placing his injured arm in a sling with the excuse his shoulder was getting worse instead of improving. None of his relatives would have questioned this action, even less Victoria, who had seen his shoulder up close and knew how sore it really was, but he could not risk anybody else getting suspicious of his injury right after Zorro had been shot. Instead, he kept the arm as still as he could, stiff, blaming his shoulder without drawing too much attention to his arm.

"Is he getting better?" Victoria asked while caressing Apollo's neck.

"It's too early to say," Diego said. He finished applying a new poultice with some difficulty, ignoring the pain above his elbow. When he reached for the splint to replace it, he flinched, and Victoria noticed it.

"Let me help you with that. Is your shoulder still troubling you?"

"Thank you. Yes, it is, actually. It's quite sore this morning." He replaced the supportive wooden splint then with Victoria's help, working quite close to each other.

"I don't know if Apollo is getting better, but what he is, for sure, is fed up of being quiet. Aren't you, boy? I think he wants to get out of this claustrophobic pen already," he said when he stood up. The horse neighed and bobbed his head, as if approving his words.

"He agrees with you!" she said, also standing up. After fitting the splint, they were so close he felt her laugh vibrating against his chest when she stepped back to tap the horse's neck again.

Diego enjoyed the close proximity with her in that stable, but it made him uncomfortable. He had been thinking hard all night, and he had reached a conclusion at dawn: no way he should carry on risking her safety. No way.

He could not get close to her and marry her until Zorro was gone for good. It didn't matter if she knew it was him under Zorro's mask or not, and it would not make any difference if he courted her as Diego instead. He could not marry her as Diego either because if he got caught, or killed, nobody would believe she didn't know her husband's secret identity. He was ashamed now because he used to think that kind of situation would have worked out if he just had the courage to tell her the secret, and he would have done that last night if he had not been interrupted by the soldiers. But that was a lie. Telling her was not the real issue here: keeping her safe was. And he could never keep her safe while he played Zorro. That would always be a risk for her. He should have realized of that before, and never get involved with her as Zorro. However, it was too late to go back to square one now, to the day he returned to California and saw Victoria at the tavern before he created Zorro, and he didn't know what to do, or how to fix it. Now, with her back pressing lightly against his chest, they were so close and so distant at the same time, and it hurt him so much.

As if she could read her mind, she moved away from him.

"Sorry, Diego. Did I press on your shoulder? Are you alright?"

For the way she looked at him, so worried, he realized he was staring back at her with a painful look on his face. A pain that was not physical, but emotional.

"Yes, I'm alright, Victoria. It does hurt a little, but I'll be fine, don't worry," he said quickly with his best, fake smile. She didn't look totally convinced, but she didn't say anything else about it, and soon got back to the tavern.

ZZZ

At lunch time, Victoria overheard the soldier's conversation while serving their meals.

"I thought I hit Zorro last night, when he was at the roof. He fell, but then he carried on running and got away on Toronado," Private Márquez said.

"No. We can't hit Zorro, ever. It's like shooting smoke. As if he has a mysterious shield around him or something," Corporal Sepúlveda said.

"Yes. You are right. Sometimes I wonder why we bother wasting bullets on him," Private Sánchez said.

"What do you mean you hit Zorro?" Victoria asked while she placed the meals on the table.

"I'm sorry, señorita. I didn't mean to upset you," Márquez said. "I shot Zorro, yes, under the Alcalde's orders. But I don't think I hit him."

"Did you or did you not hit him?"

"I don't know. For a moment I thought I did, because he fell on the roof tiles, but then he got up and carry on running… So, no, I don't think so. He must have tripped over. Maybe."

"Right."

Upset, she got back to the kitchen quickly. Once there, she paced the small room while thinking about the possibilities. If he got hit last night, he could have tried to pretend he was all right to escape, and now he could be dying on his own and without assistance at his secret hiding place. Despite being a legend, Zorro was a man. A vulnerable man under the black outfit, one that could die if he got shot, just like everybody else. That thought got her frantic with the worry and the guilt she felt after blaming him for not rescuing her from jail.

No, she had to reject that thought to keep her sanity. Sure he wasn't hit, or only superficially. As Sepúlveda said, it seemed Zorro was protected with an invisible shield, because his quest for justice had to continue. And it had to continue despite everything, including her. What Zorro meant for the pueblo was bigger than her and her silly, little problems. She should stop complaining about not being able to marry him and have a family, and chin up. Other women had gone through life without children. It would not be the end of the world if she didn't have any, or if she never walked down the aisle as a bride. On the other hand, she wondered, how many women had the chance to support and love such an extraordinary man? Not many. Only her, actually. It was a big responsibility, and she should carry on with it. But, was he already married?

She reached for the onions then and started to chop them in little pieces in case Pilar or Alicia would walk in to find her crying her heart out.

ZZZ

"Diego, I heard the soldiers today talking about Zorro," she whispered at the stable that evening when he returned to the tavern to tend for Apollo. "He came to see me to apologize because he couldn't get us out of jail, but we were interrupted, and he had to flee. Private Márquez shot Zorro while he was on the roof, and he thinks he hit him. Do you think that's true? How could we help Zorro if he was really shot down? I am so worried about him."

Diego was taken aback by her words and the obvious worry she was displaying. Of course, he could not tell her Zorro was fine and only had a flesh wound. He hated seeing her so distressed about him. He had been thinking about it all day, and had reached another conclusion: if he could not marry her or give Zorro up yet, he should set her free to marry someone else. Keeping her as Zorro's girlfriend was only a selfish act, and he should put an end to it. And he had the intention to do exactly that as soon as possible.

"I don't know, Victoria," he said, hesitant.

"He could be bleeding to death at his hiding place! Do you know how to find him? You seem to be able to contact him when he is needed."

"No, Victoria, sorry, I don't know how to find him. And I never contact him, he is the one who contacts me," he said, hating the disappointment on her face. "Don't worry. He must have someone helping him, so he won't be on his own. Besides, if he was really hit it could not have been too serious if he got up and escaped riding on Toronado."

"Do you really think so? That's what I want to believe, but I can't help thinking that he could… he could…"

The tears didn't let her finish. He opened his arms and she sought shelter in them. She sobbed like a lost child for a while, and he could do nothing else but try to soothe her with kind words and gentle handling, just as before, while he hated himself for causing her so much pain.

"I'm so sorry, Diego. This is the second time I use you as my crying hankie this week," she said when she calmed down, smiling coyly while wiping off her tears. "You are such a good friend to me. I don't know what I would do without you."

You would be absolutely fine without me, probably taking care of a large family by now, he thought, upset. As more intimate moments like this happened between them, always involving Zorro, the worse it would be when he finally took his mask off. She was going to be so mad at the deception she could probably torch him down with her anger when she eventually found out.

"Don't worry. Everything is going to be alright."

"I hope so. Once again, sorry for my neediness. I know there is nothing you can do to help Zorro. I'll go back to the tavern now. I'll see you in the morning. Hasta luego."

She left the stable quickly, obviously too embarrassed to carry on talking. He stood there with his head held low, looking at the ground, with a sunken feeling in his heart, like a heavy burden that could not be lifted.

He had returned to the tavern that evening with the cart, and had Zorro's gear hidden below it. He wasn't happy about not having Toronado close by in case he was spotted and needed to escape, but he hoped he could sneak into the tavern undetected to talk to Victoria before he would head back to the hacienda as Diego. It was a big risk, but he had to take it, especially after seeing her so worried about him. He had to behave like a gentleman and put an end to the affair. That night, without delay.

ZZZ

Zorro entered the kitchen through the back door. A few customers still lingered at the tavern finishing their drinks. Because his cart would look suspicious outside, Diego didn't want to wait hanging around until the last customer was gone.

The kitchen was empty, so he patiently waited there until Victoria came through the curtains carrying a large tray with empty glasses and jars to wash them. When she saw him there she jerked, startled, and she would have tipped all the glasses to the floor if Zorro didn't grab the tray on time to keep it up straight.

"Zorro! What are you doing here? Are you alright?" she said, regaining her composure to take the tray to the sink. "I heard you were shot yesterday. Is that true?"

"Yes. I was hit. But don't worry; it's only a flesh wound. I'm alright."

"Thank God for that. I was so worried," she said, coming closer. "I'm sorry I behaved like a spoiled brat last night. I'm sure you had more important things to do than coming to get me out of jail when I was fine and not in any danger. Please, forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive. If anything, you are the one who has to forgive me."

"Why?"

"Because I kept you in this difficult and hopeless situation for too long. You should not be waiting for me. It's not fair."

"What are you talking about? Is that what you wanted to tell me last night? That you are married?"

"What? No. It's not that. I'm not married."

"What is it then? Come on, talk to me!"

"I think we should break our engagement," he said with a broken voice. He could not believe only the day before he was keen to remove the mask and ask her to marry Diego, and now he was dumping her. It was crazy.

She looked at him with wide, shocked eyes.

"Why? You don't love me anymore?" Her lips were trembling, and before she could burst into the usual torrent of tears, he embraced her.

"Of course I love you, Victoria," he said softly on her ear. "Is not that. But it's not fair to keep you waiting for me. When that soldier shot me yesterday I realized I could get captured anytime, and then the alcalde would know who I am. In that case, if I was married to you, nobody would believe you didn't know my secret identity. Nobody. And I cannot risk that. I can't marry you, not until Zorro is gone, and he still has a job to do, I'm afraid. It could be a very long time before I can marry you, and you deserve better than that. You deserve better than this, better than me. You should marry someone else."

She lifted her head from his shoulder, already crying, and looked at him in the eye.

"I don't want to marry someone else." Liar, she scolded herself when Esteban came to her mind. She got rid of his mental picture quickly, and to make her point, she passed her arms around Zorro's neck and pulled down to kiss him. They fused then in a passionate, long, endless kiss.

His brain and his willpower melted in that kiss. She was so eager, so hungry, so needy… the same as him. He knew the best, most honourable thing would be setting her free, but he couldn't do it. To carry on as Zorro he needed her by his side. Without her he would not have a powerful reason to stay alive, and no future to look forward to. He would probably become reckless and careless, and he would stop dodging bullets. For once in his life, he decided to be selfish.

"Do you still want to wait for me, for as long as it takes?" he asked when their lips reluctantly parted.

"Yes, I do."

"Even if you get older, and you miss the chance to have the large family you long for?"

"Yes. I'll wait. I love you."

"Not so much as I love you."

He kissed her senseless again, and when he lifted her on the table, fondling her all over, he recovered his own sense when a wine jar fell to the floor, smashing in pieces.

"Sorry. I have to go," he said, flustered. "You made me the happiest man on Earth." He planted a further delicate kiss on her gorgeous, welcoming lips, and ran out of the kitchen through the back door. Just as the other day, he hoped she hadn't seen the tenting in his trousers. Who am I kidding? She didn't need to see it, because she probably felt it, he thought when he got to Apollo's stable to change into Diego's clothes, embarrassed.

On the way back to the hacienda, he had time to think. As the excitement and elation subsided, he realized that was not what he was meant to do. He had been weak, and selfish, and he regretted it, but he couldn't help it. When he got to the hacienda, the only thought that resonated in his head was: "what have I done?"

ZZZZZ

A.N – sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. Real life has been too demanding to allow me to indulge in fanfiction writing, but I'll try hard to carry on until this story is finished. In the meantime, Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for reading, and specially, for reviewing ;)