Here I am! Back with another weird chapter. Just randomly thought of it so why not? And feel free to check out my other stories if you want!
As always, I hope you all enjoy!
Chapter 40: House Hunter
Universe 76856-HC
Earthland. Approximately thirty miles outside Magnolia. Year 786, July 17th.
Hot, humid air blew through the open window of the magically powered news van, its air conditioning long since worn out. Flecked with rust near the wheel wells as the vehicle passed a truck loaded with farming equipment, the older company vehicle jounced over a pothole, jarring the trio of passengers.
Lucy's well endowed chest bounced from the sudden dip, the sensation immediately felt as the blonde looked over to her cameraman, Jason. "Can you drive smoother? I almost popped out of my top"
"Sorry. These roads aren't the best"
"Whatever. How long till we arrive?" Lucy asked, the woman crossing her arms beneath her bust as another rumble tried to shake her loose from the passenger seat.
"Uhh…" Looking out the window, all Jason saw was deep, green foliage lining the road and the occasional ramshackle shack.
"We should be there in about ten minutes, Lucy" Evergreen replied from the back, the tech support making doing equipment checks. Dressed in a green tank top that showed her midriff and sizable curves, Evergreen could be a reporter…if she didn't love her job so much. Technology was her bread and butter, making her the perfect addition to the team. Wiping a few flecks of sweat from her brow, the brunette had most of her hair hidden beneath a backwards flipped cap, proclaiming the television station of Magnolia City News Five.
Checking the lacrima powered battery of the main camera, Evergreen went quiet as Lucy huffed from the front, the busty blonde dealing with another jarring of the van that caused a fresh wiggle of cleavage.
"Sorry again"
"Just make sure we don't miss the turn at Hangrove Lane. We already passed Solime Village" The reporter remined as the moist, humid air made her feel gross and sticky. "Ugh, why couldn't this be done in air conditioning? It's thicker than butter out here" Feeling fresh droplets of sweat drip down between her breasts, at least she had the foresight to dress for the humidity.
A cute, yellow top that showed off her slim belly. Shorts that hugged her hips and showed off her cute butt, then hiking boots for the job. Plus, mosquito repellant, which she had applied and would do again.
After all, this was basically the backwoods filled with country folk, moonshiners, and hillbillies.
Jason turned down a dirt road, the pitted holes and ruts making both women bounce as they headed toward their destination. Passing a small store advertising fishing and hunting tools, Lucy got a look of a man sitting on the porch, strumming a banjo. Wearing just overalls and bare-shirted, his black hair was a messy oil of sweat and grime beneath a ratty trucker hat.
Rolling past, the man began to play, a strumming melody that faded with the sounds of crickets and surrounded nature.
Finally arriving at a single story house at the end of the road, Jason hit the brakes. "This is it"
"Alright. You two get set up, I'll go meet them" Lucy commanded, the blonde reporter stepping out onto a near patch of bare dirt. Surrounded by a low wire fence that wrapped around the property, the land wasn't manicured that well, the grass longer and no doubt laden with bugs and insects. Studying the abode beyond the wire fence, she was surprised at how well maintained it looked…despite the rusting hulk of a truck on cinderblocks near a shed.
But the actual family vehicle? It was a monstrosity. Large, off roading tires nearly half her height made the black truck tower above her. Swirling, streaming lines of flames were painted along the sides while the bumpers, front grill and roof mounted floodlights shimmered with a glint of chrome. Behind the truck cab was a vertical exhaust pipe, the top stained from years of use.
Then of course, the mudflaps had the outline of a naked woman, sitting in a supposed lustful position despite the lack of details.
Moving her gaze past the miniature monster truck, Lucy studied the lone dwelling. It was rustic, the exterior a wooden theme of lumber while the windows were respectably clean despite the environment. Square in layout, the home had a front porch with several pieces of wicker furniture and a swinging bench toward the left. An outdoor couch sat to the right of the front door, the old piece of furniture a coloration of faded green.
Steeling herself, Lucy walked up the gravel path to the home.
"Howdy Miss"
Looking down to her left, Lucy saw a blue cat wearing a straw hat with a mini banjo. Plucking the strings that gave an eerie twang, the feline stared up with a smile. "Ya'll looking for Natsu? He should be out in jus' a minute" Leaning closer from his little chair next to the door, the cat gained a lewd look. "He's giving it to the missus…you know…" Wiggling his brow, the blue cat started to play, his banjo blocking out the low squeaking of a bed inside the home.
"Well, he better hurry up! I didn't drive out here so he could screw his wife!" Knocking on the screen door with force, Lucy made herself known.
The squeaking stopped, then suddenly became louder and more frantic as the door burst open, a tiny girl rushing out. Dressed in a yellow dress and simple shoes, the child squealed. "Mama and Dada are wrestling! But they never let me cheer em on!" Running away, the child rushed toward the van, poking the tires with a stick while giving child like giggles. Stopping, she stared up at Evergreen with a sense of wonder.
"What?"
Poking Evergreen in the left boob with her stick, the child giggled. "You're the same size as mama! Squishy!" Laughing, the child ran away with her hands in the air.
"Little brat…they're firm" Evergreen muttered with a clenched fist before she helped Jason secure the camera and equipment.
"Lisanna! You behave now!" A white haired woman shouted from the doorway a minute later, her hair a mess of sweat and disheveled action from the bedroom. Wearing just a long, white shirt that went past her hips, most of the buttons were still undone, showing off a good portion of her busom.
"Sorry about Lisanna. She gets excited with visitors" Ruefully shaking her head, the mother extended a hand. "Mirajane. Mirajane Dragneel" Drawling her name, she turned her head toward the interior of the house. "Natsu! Get your ass out here, you hear!? That fancy documentary lady is here! You know, from the television!"
"Alright. Gimme a sec" He called from within the house. Revealing himself a few moments later, Lucy was taken aback by how…hot this country man was.
Ripped abs glistened with sweat, the husband forgoing a shirt as he stood in a simple pair of jeans. Slimmed and toned, his sex appeal matched an equally handsome face, framed by a tangled mess of salmon hair that poked out from beneath a trucker hat.
'Make Ishgar Great Again'
Adjusting the battered headpiece, the male gave a warm, toothy grin of friendliness.
"Well! Howdy Miss Lucy! Glad you could make it for your..uh…documentary"
"Oh, hehe…my pleasure" Trying not to stare, she shook his hand.
He had a strong grip, his palm engulfing her fingers as Lucy still tried to look away from the chiseled male.
"Don't be ashamed for looking. I always have to beat those other women away with a stick. Yup! I sure landed me a top prize for a husband! Loving, caring, a great provider and he knows what I like during our alone time" Mirajane giggled before spotting Lisanna climbing into the old, rusting truck on cinderblocks. "You get your little behind out of that truck, right now Lisanna! Or I'll give you a good swat, you hear me!?" Marching over, the mother expected her rules to be followed as the younger child jumped down and squealed away.
"Heh. My Mira sure can have words, but dammit, she's an angel. Glad I chose her as my wife" Natsu drawled out as he stood there barechested, now being admired by Evergreen who found herself in a slight trance.
"Don't lie, Natsu. She basically forced you to hitch with her" Happy drawled, the cat now eating a fish he pulled from a tiny ice box nearby.
"Dammit Happy! I'm trying to look cool! Grah…make sure the truck's got etho in it. We have to drive out there ya know"
"It's fine. I checked it yesterday" Munching on the fish, the cat had really no inclination to get up from his spot.
"lazy freeloader. Should get you a job" Natsu retorted as the cat ate contently of his snack.
"I already got a job. Eating fish" Finishing his meal, the cat stretched out his legs, letting the warm sun fall down as he tilted his tiny hat to cover his eyes. Dismissing the feline with a wave, the homeowner didn't pay the cat any more attention.
"Eghh…Just give me a minute. You can wait inside if you like" Natsu offered while falling back into his home.
"Ah. Thank you" Stepping in, the film crew felt relief as air conditioning enveloped the house in a light chill, their bodies instantly grateful.
"Ahh…that's the stuff" Evergreen emitted, her sigh a contentment as she pulled on her shirt, trying to allow the chilled air to cool all aspects of her body. Looking around, Evergreen found the home was very rustic, the walls a wooden paneling while older hardwood floors stretched into the nearby living room. Knic-knacks and other items sat upon a shelf in the foyer, the décor most likely from the wife.
"Phew, I thought I was going to melt out there" Lucy added, both women enjoying the small reprieve from the summer humidity and heat.
"Both of you were probably overheating because you were staring at that guy. At least try to hide your lust" Jason added, the cameraman waiting near the door as both women turned with glares.
"Shut up"
Holding his hands out in defense, Jason dropped any further teasing of the two.
Natsu came back, the man now dressed in black hunting boots, camo pants, a reddish shirt and an open vest covered with stored energy cells. Holding a long rifle with a scope, the weapon had a glowing red line along the barrel as he smirked.
"Don't mind if I called a friend of mine before ya'll arrived, do ya? She really loves this stuff. Plus, you know…she has the rig for this job anyway" Pulling out a set of keys, Natsu twirled them around his finger with habitual ease before stepping outside into the oppressive heat of summer.
"That should be fine. After all, you're the expert" Lucy replied with a shrug as she followed, which was added with a groan. Stepping outside was like entering an oven, and she just wanted to be cool.
"Ugh…" Evergreen muttered in complaint as Natsu just took it in stride.
"Dandy. Now come on, we'll have to take my truck. Your van…yeah, she'll get stuck. Don't worry though, Mira'll make sure nothing happens to it"
Lucy inwardly flinched, looking up at the monstrosity.
"Go on. Just use the climbing ladder" Prodding the blonde woman onward, Natsu went to the driver's side, climbing up with practiced ease and grace. Stowing his rifle in the gun rack mounted behind his seat, Lucy and Evergreen managed to climb in while poor Jason had to ride in the truck bed.
"Sorry, its usually just my two ladies in here. But hey, the truck bed is fine for ya" Natsu told with a friendly grin as Jason cursed and grumbled, the man getting doused in fresh sweat. Plunging in the key, the monster roared to life, spewing chilled air as the air conditioning was cranked to maximum.
Looking at the gauges, Natsu immediately scowled and cursed before opening the door with a pointed finger of accusation at the lazy cat on his porch.
"Dammit Happy! There's barely any fuel left!"
"Well! I needed fish didn't I? Besides! I'm a cat! What do I know about trucks!" Picking up his mini banjo, the feline began to strum, blocking out Natsu as he ducked back inside, grumbling. "Sorry. We'll have to stop and get some fuel. Otherwise, we'll walk. Damn that cat…does this all the time" Adjusting his hat once more, Natsu threw the large truck into drive, waving goodbye to Mira and Lisanna who were now on the porch.
Driving down the dirt lane, they pulled back onto the main road, the asphalt making the jouncing easier.
The five minute drive was hardly enough time to start a conversation or interview, the driver pulling into a filling station right near a convenience store and bar. Parking next to the pump, Natsu climbed down. "Feel free to get a pop or water. It's a hot one"
"I think I'll do that" Evergreen agreed, the brunette climbing down as Lucy leaned out.
"Get me a water, too, okay?"
"Sure" Walking toward the store with a sway of her hips, Evergreen was distinctly aware of several old men sitting on a bench, watching her like a piece of meat.
"WOOOHEE! YOU GOT THE CURVES!"
"BE MY WIFE!"
"She looks like the woman in my magazine!" an older, short man in a yellow jacket and jester hat yelled, his perverted smile making Evergreen walk faster into the store.
'Creeps" Muttering the curse, she ignored them while walking to the back, grabbing a few water bottles for herself and the crew. Only needing those items, she weaved past shelves lined with fishing tackle, canned food and other essentials before finding herself at the counter.
The clerk was a short man, his flaming orange hair and nearly square face already curling up into a pervert smile as he scanned the items. Wearing a blue smock with Ichiya stamped on the nametag, the man chuckled like a degenerate.
"Hehehe…you smell like my mama's purse" Staring at Evergreen, he leered at the busty brunette.
"Eyes up here, shorty" Paying, the clerk hooted once more as she left the store. "Can I have your picture? We can use my momma's bikini!"
"Ugh…so gross…" Briskly walking toward the truck, Evergreen climbed in and slammed the door before glaring at Lucy. "You get the water next time" Shivering, the tech support stared out the window, the old men now playing banjo's and hooting in tune.
"Ohhh…My fat baby likes to eat! Big ol' udder belly and breast swing past her feet! Oh my fat b—"
Natsu climbed in, the truck soon roaring to life as the song drowned out.
"Pay them no mind. They're just lonely old timers. They used to say the same thing to Mira. Well, until she threatened to castrate them" Chuckling, Natsu continued. "Yeah, you gotta bite back at em otherwise they'll just keep on leering"
"Still…it's disgusting in this day and age" Unscrewing the water, Evergreen enjoyed the crisp, cool taste as Lucy did the same.
"Well…stuff just moves slower out here. They're set in their ways and all that" Natsu explained offhandedly as they continued to drive, then turning onto another dirt road with a jarring bounce. "Of course, I make sure to treat all the ladies with due respect…because I'm a gentleman"
Lucy shifted her eyes to the man, the gaze narrowed. "I have the feeling your wife makes sure of that"
"Well…Uh…not entirely? Some of it was my upbringing from my pa. He always told me to treat women right, so I do" Shrugging, Natsu turned once again, the dirt road becoming nothing more than a wide trail of rutted tracks.
Of course, the bouncing almost threw Jason from the truck bed while the two women almost burst from their tops, the rough road more than enough to jiggle flesh.
But to his credit, Natsu kept his eyes on the road, the occasionally pothole kicking up dust and dirt or branches slapping against his windshield.
Rounding a light bend in the narrow road, Natsu hit the brakes as a large big rig semi nearly blocked the dirt lane. All terrain wheels nearly the size of a full grown man lined the undercarriage of the flatbed trailer, the size more than enough to compensate for the weight.
"Good, she's here already" Natsu grinned as he shut off the truck and took his keys. Grabbing his rifle then climbing out, he was quickly followed by the television crew.
"Woah…your friend uses this?" Lucy asked as Jason began recording, taking in all the details.
"She sure does" Grinning, the man walked forward as the duo of women gawked at the monster before them. Aside from the all terrain wheels, the flatbed was rife with hoists and chains, the steel surface flecked with rust and use. Attached to the front was a cherry red semi-tractor, the cab covered in mud as more chrome finishings lined the exterior in a semblance of decoration.
Beyond the flatbed truck was a sloping hill and gutted vehicle path, the surrounding surface still covered with trees and deep foliage. But the dirt lane was still traversable, despite the encroaching nature of it all.
"Well, guess he was right. No way our van would have made it here" Evergreen added, the woman scratching her hair as sweat and hazing dust floated around her. Drawn by more noise, the trio approached the main cab of the semi-rig.
The door opened with a swing, letting a woman with red, flowing hair step down the rungs with a similar rifle strapped to her back. Turning, the female was wearing a flannel shirt that barely hid her sizable bust, the buttons straining to break. Woodland cargo pants of mottled greens, reds and blacks along with black boots covered her legs, but anybody could tell they were long and trim.
"Howdy! I'm Erza! Nice to meetcha!"
"Hello. I'm Lucy and that's Evergreen and Jason. You're helping today, right?" Lucy inquired as the red head muttered a curse, then reached into her truck cab for a straw hat. Placing it on her head, she gave a hospitable smile. "Sure am! Wouldn't miss this for anything! Just a darn shame that Mira snatched up my Natsu during High School" Placing a hand on her hip while cocking her stance, Erza stared at her friend.
"Now Now, Erza. You were interested in that Jellal fella. Not my fault you missed out. Plus, me and the missus do just fine. Besides, we're still great friends aint we?"
Erza grew morose, scratching the side of her head as droplets of sweat started to trail down her temple. "Yeah…just…who knew that Jellal would have an eye for the fella's. Moved on to…Malba City last I heard" Going silent as the camera rolled, Erza instantly switched gears. "Well! Let's get set up! Already got a good bead on a few of em right on the other side of this rise" Cocking her thumb toward the hill and dirt track, Erza gave a toothy smile for the coming hunt.
"Hell yeah. Could use some earnings for this" Natsu exclaimed with excitement. Unslinging his rifle, the man checked the weapon as Erza did the same. Glowing streaks of red pulsed along the long barrels of each rifle, the ebbing glow minimal, but still noticeable to the camera crew.
"Same. Them fancy cheesecakes are expensive! You know, the ones from the city?" Erza added, the red head leading the way up the hill with the camera crew in tow. Weaving through the trees and avoiding fallen branches, the duo was extremely silent while the other three were clumsy at best.
Finally reaching the summit, Erza and Natsu plopped down in the underbrush, their scoped rifles already scanning the fields beyond.
Lucy smiled to the camera, her looks dazzling no matter the situation. "As you can see, Natsu and Erza are already searching for a kill. Let's see what they can get" Crouching down to the side, Jason moved forward, coming right along the hunter.
Evergreen lay beside Erza, her bosom squishing into the earth while she propped herself up on her elbows. Looking through the gaps of branches, the brunette was a little in awe of the display of nature in the field beyond.
"So…majestic…." Whispering in awe, Evergreen went silent as she panned her view, the panorama showing nature at its best among a field of swaying grass.
Several houses were milling about, the structures floating a few feet off the ground while sucking up some grass to feed. Several were split levels with an attached garage, their painted exterior a light yellow or pastel white. Clean, glimmering windows reflected sunlight, their surfaces well maintained as the structures continued to feed and graze without a care.
A ranch house floated near the middle, keeping guard over a toolshed as the youngling greedily ate. Nearby, the largest home, a Victorian kept an eye out, its pointed, circular spire embedded with open windows. Painted a soft, sky blue, the alpha was also adorned with several bay windows, each a resplendent construction.
In all, ten homes were grazing, their actions unnoticed by the hazing heat and chirping insects. A few birds had been disturbed, flying away in a flurry of squawks and calls, leaving the homes behind to their peace.
"Natsu. Which one are you going to hunt?" Lucy asked, the interviewer feeling a little bad for the life about to be taken.
The man looked over, adjusting his hat absentmindedly before retaking his aim. "The split level on the left. Victorian's too big without the right equipment, and that ranch house with a tool shed is a young family. Little feller would starve and I can't have that"
"Erza? Ya ready?"
"Sure am. Let's bag us a house" Grinning, the country woman retook her aim, peering through the scope as both hunters centered on the kill.
'BBZZZZ!'
The laser charge erupted from both rifles simultaneously, a lance of red that burned and sizzled through the air and over the field in a mere eyeblink. Slamming into the front exterior of the split level, the house suddenly flailed and screamed, the front door swinging open in a wail.
"Great shot! Hit it again! WOOHHHEE!" Natsu roared out as he fired another laser blast into the screaming, flailing home.
"This is why I wake up in the morning! Hunting houses!" Erza called out as she let out a whoop. Firing again, the laser blast struck the upper floor of the home, causing it to tilt. "You gonna git me some cheesecake!" Grinning like a hillbilly, the two fired in staggered lines, the dying home howling in agony and pain. Slowly settling toward the ground after a hellish thrashing, Natsu finally stood up.
"Well! Come on! Gotta make sure it's dead before we sell it! YEEEEEHAAAWWW!" Running into the field with Erza, both hunters rushed toward the home as the others fled away from the field, entering the forest with a bowling of trees and cracking trunks in haste to escape danger like a stampede of deer.
Firing laser blasts filled the air along with hooted hillbilly calls, both of them enjoying the killing far too much as the house died in screaming agony.
Lucy and her team approached, Jason getting great shots as the blonde woman started to move closer.
"Stay back, Miss Lucy! It could eat ya if ya aint careful!" Erza called out as she shot another blazing laser bolt into the side of the house, the beast giving a mournful groan.
"WOOOHEE! Reminds me of when I shot my house for Mira!" Natsu called out with joy, the man firing into the open front door. Another pitiful groan came from the house, a rasping death as a hallway carpet flopped out, the beige material landing on the dirt beyond. Giving one last shot toward the home, the blast splashed across the wooden exterior, but no sounds came.
Adjusting her cowgirl hat, Erza kicked the nearest corner, the woman shouldered her rifle. "Well, that's about it. We bagged a pretty decent one too. Let's see if it's furnished inside"
"Hope so. Furnished homes always pay more" Natsu grinned as he waved the camera crew to follow. "Well, come on, you wanted to film, right?" Strutting toward the open door, his jaunt was enjoyable to watch for the women.
Lucy entered first, following the two professionals as she looked around. "So… this is how new homes are furbished…" Saying the words with awe, she stood aside as Evergreen and Jason entered the main hallway.
"Yup! This is a purty good one too! Painted walls, polished banister for the staircase and wood flooring" Pointing, the male entered the kitchen with Erza.
"Some fancy city wife will love this. All that shiny modern…décor" She added, the redhead eyeing the white tile island counter-top, a stainless steel refrigerator, sink and oven…even the cabinets matched. "Yup! Sure could've been happy in this one with Natsu. Oh well, someone else will have a family here" Erza added with a hint of sorrow as she left the kitchen, her steps taking her to the living room.
A tanned, L-shaped sofa ran along the inner wall, giving ample viewing of a large television resting on a stand. Nearby, a fireplace was ready for flame, the recess still unused.
"So. How much you think this home is worth?" Evergreen asked while looking out the bay window, her gaze falling upon the field.
Erza cocked her hip, putting a finger to her lip in contemplation. "Hmmm…I'd say around thirty to thirty five million jewel? Maybe a little more since it's a fresh hunt"
A padding of footsteps came from upstairs, Natsu rapidly descending the steps with a big grin. "Got a master bedroom with one of them pressure showers. You know, the kind the ladies like. Can add on another million jewel just for that"
"So, what happens now?" Lucy inquired as Jason continued to record, the man silent with his job.
"Now Erza gets her rig out here, we hoist it up and take it to a new subdivision near Magnolia. There, we get our pay and that's that" Scratching his forehead at the hairline and below his trucker hat, Natsu grinned. "Just think, our ancestors had to use clubs and knives hunting down houses. Now, we got our fancy laser rifles. Sure do have it easy"
"Got that right" Erza agreed before heading toward the door. "I'll go get my rig, you can watch the whole process too. Might even get me more business to pay for my cheesecake addiction" The hunter drawled out as she walked outside, heading toward the treeline and her flatbed truck.
Leaving the home, Natsu stood guard some distance away as Lucy conducted more of an interview even as the horrid heat made everything sticky. "So Natsu, what are you going to do with all that money? After all, that's a pretty big paycheck"
Adjusting his hat and the sling of his rifle, the man shrugged. "Well, probably treat my Mirajane and little girl to a fancy trip? Or maybe just save it? I'll be honest, my life is pretty damn good already. I suppose I could get a new truck? Or at least have that junker removed from my yard. Shucks, it's just money anyway. I do this for the sheer joy of killing house's"
Grinning like an idiot, the hillbilly chuckled as the roaring engine of Erza's flatbed rumbled onto the field, the horn blaring like a ship as she hooted. Rolling to a stop with a kick up of dirt and grass, the mammoth rig rumbled as the hoists and cranes dangled with future purpose.
Once again climbing out, Erza was all smiles as she and Natsu started to attach the hoists to the home, the two surprisingly efficient.
"Miss Erza? Mind if I ask you what you plan on doing with your half of the earnings?" Lucy asked from the ground and well clear of the hazardous task as Jason recorded every moment.
Holding the control switch for the crane, Erza looked over her shoulder, that crimson hair a wave like silk. Pausing for a moment, she cocked her hip, thinking with a sexy pose completely unintentional. "Well, I'll pay off my operating bills for my business, get some repairs done for my rig. Then buy some cheesecake from Magnolia. Then pitch a threesome with Mira and Natsu. She'll probably shoot me down again, but who knows? Maybe she'll find it fun! NOW TIME FOR HOUSE!" Smashing the button, the crane rumbled to life, the pulley pulling the deceased home upward.
"Did she just say that in an interview? Doesn't she realize men will watch this and get the wrong idea?" Lucy thought, but then, watching the backwoods woman, she doubted Erza really cared.
"Easy Erza! We don't wanna damage it!" Natsu hollered from the other side, his hands slowly guiding the structure toward the flatbed rig.
"I know what I'm doin! I aint some idiot bimbo like Kagura down at Cana's Bar! Gimme some credit!" Slowing the hoisting, the crane changed audible tunes from strained to…less strained.
"Okay…okay…YUP! Set er down!" Natsu roared out, the man satisfied with the house centering. Lowering with a thud and groan of shocks, the home was now on the flat bed, which the two rednecks quickly fastened and secured.
The task was quickly done, every detail taken in by Jason and his camera.
"Hey Lucy? I think that's about it. We can do a follow up in about a week, but right now, they're pretty much done" Evergreen pointed out as Natsu approached while Erza climbed back into her cherry red semi-truck, the female cocking her hat before blowing her horn. Shifting it into drive, the woman waved. "Nice meeting you Miss Lucy! Miss Evergreen! Hope to see you again!" Rumbling away, the four humans waved.
"Well! Guess I'll take you back home. If you want, my Mira can make you some dinner? Might have possum stew and chicken!" Grinning, the man loved his wife's cooking.
Lucy turned inwardly green at the mention of possum. "Why not get normal food!? Like burgers or turkey! He's not poor, he just looks like it!"
"Ah, sorry. But well have to get going. We need to edit this all and my boss wants to see it too. Maybe another time?"
"Well shucks. Alright" Natsu replied, the disappointment audible, but minimal as his smile returned. "Just means I can give my missus the business later on" Grinning at what would befall Mirajane in the bedroom later that evening, Natsu led the way back toward his truck as the three city dwellers began swatting at insects, bugs, and complaining the whole way among the exhaustive heat.
Universe 137-C. Natsu's home
The television show blinked off as credits rolled, one of an infinite amount of channels from countless Earthlands made possible by a dimensional cable box. Their numbers were always displayed, an easy addition so many could visit said world if desired. After all, they had achieved peace and what better way then to spend time together in the comfort of home.
Staring at the screen while sitting in the middle of his couch, Natsu groaned while Sam laughed, her belly bulging with the growing child inside as she curled up beside him. Pointing with an extended finger, her mirth was palpable. "You…you talked like an idiot! HAHAHAHA!"
"Shut it, Sam" the male grumbled, his voice a rasp of age and experience.
That only caused the woman to laugh harder at her husband, the king and heroic gear nearly pouting with a glare of his eyes while he crossed his arms.
"I just can't believe that's an actual job! I mean, hunting houses! SOO COOL! Right Pepper!" Wendy exclaimed while holding up the chihuahua.
"Yip!"
"Well, I thought it was fun! Sure, it was weird, but it wasn't like that cop show we watched where you and Bisca just gun down bad guys. That really made no sense at all" Kinana added, the busty purplette also showing the late stages of pregnancy.
"Well, I hated it! Why did Erza have to be such a damn hillbilly! I'm surprised she didn't have a jug of moonshine!" Knightwalker raged while pulling at her crimson locks, only to get ridiculed and teased by more of the women in the large home.
"Your just mad she failed to get Natsu in that world! Hahaha! And your right, you did talk like an idiot!" Natsumi teased with pointed laughter, her large breasts heaving in a tight shirt. With her baby already sleeping, she was quite glad to be regaining her womanly figure.
"Shut up, fire crotch!" Huffing, Knightwalker pouted while sitting back down.
"Let's just turn on something else?" Hisui suggested from a corner chair, the mother breastfeeding as her tiny princess sucked greedily. Not in the slightest embarrassed, she prompted Natsu to sigh and switch the channel.
"Oh! I hope its an action movie! With a sexy brunette as the main star!" Cana hoped from the corner, the woman lazily draping her legs over the arm rest of the chair while showing off her breasts in a tiny bikini top.
"Juvia thinks we should watch…ROMANCE! Yes…romance…" The watermage hoped with obvious lust in her eyes. Turning toward Natsu, the woman pouted as the man was already flanked by Sam and Kinana. "Hmmph!"
"Let's just see what's on" Natsu relented as he flipped the channel to some fresh channel.
A burly, muscled man with no shirt appeared, his shades and mustache hiding a chiseled face while a black do-rag covered his head. Crossing his arms, an explosion erupted in the background from a collection of fuel barrels.
"HEY! ARE YOU A MAN THAT LOVES…EXPLOSIONS!" a fresh roar of fire and shrapnel bloomed behind the man, a building brewing up in a fireball of flying shrapnel as flying midgets screamed. "IF YOU ARE! THEN COME TO TORGUES AND GET A FUCKING GUN! GUNS THAT EXPLODE! GUNS FOR THE MOST MANLY, BADASS MUTHAFUCKA IN THE MULTIVERSE! AND IF YOUR NOT A MAN, THEN GO WATCH MOVIES WITH WHERE THEY CRY IN THE RAIN AND SHIT! BUT IF YOU ARE A MAN! EXPLOSIIIONNN! FUCK YEAH! BLOW SHIT UP LIKE A MAN! FUCKING SHITBALLS! EXPLOSIONSSSSSS! YEEEEAAHHHHHH!" Pulling out a long gun with running lines of red along the barrel, the weapon spat balls of explosive fire at some helpless midgets in V-shaped masks running toward Mr. Torgue.
"I get to die from explosions! My life is co—"
"BOOOMMM!"
"FUCK YEAH! USE MY AWESOME MANLY GUNS TO KILL BANDITS…LIKE A MAN! MONSTERS! OR JUST BLOW SHIT UP!" Roaring in excitement, the large, muscular man shot at some cars in a parking lot, the vehicles detonating in roaring fireballs. "AND IF YOU'RE A LADY! WELL, DAMMIT! YOUR FUCKING AWESOME! GO BLOW SHIT UP LIKE A BADASS!" Shooting upward at a blimp that crossed the screen with his face painted on the canvas side, the weapons fire caused the floating vehicle to explode from the laced hydrogen within. Crumpling and falling into another building that simply collapsed with fire and fresh explosions of fire, Mr. Torgue gunned down the bandit survivors running from the building and burning ruins of the blimp.
"YEAAAAAHHH! ROCK AND ROLL! EXPLOSION!" Firing at a fresh wave of some axe wielding maniacs running and screaming, the advertising spokesman gunned them down as his bullets exploded against them, spraying gore across the roadway.
"REMEMBER! TORGUE GUNS! THEY EXPLODE! AND LASER GUNS ARE FOR FUCKING UN-MANLY WEAKLINGS! EEEEEXPLOOOSIIIIOOOOONNNNNNN!" Roaring out, the man just went nuts, blowing shit up around him like a maniac as the commercial finally ended.
"That was so fucking cool!" Wendy turned to Natsu, her eyes pleading. "Think we can go and get some sweet exploding guns!?" Squealing in excitement, Wendy's desire was palpable.
Natsu pondered, then felt a hand clamp his shoulder, Sam grinning with terrifying intent. "You should take her. If you don't, I won't consider you a man after watching that commercial"
Looking around, the other women were giving similar looks as Wendy continued to give adorable eyes.
Natsu threw up his hands. "Fine! But tomorrow alright! And only after you finish your schoolwork, Wendy"
"But…it's sooo stupid! Can't I just get a gun instead?"
"No. You fell way behind when you were with that other guild, now go do your homework right now young lady" Carla emphasized with a pointed paw toward the kitchen sprawled with academic journals.
"SO LAME!" Grousing, Wendy started to pull out her personal portal gun, only to have it snatched away by Natsumi.
"Uh uh. You heard them" The woman waved with like a Cheshire cat and impish twinkle in her eye.
"Dammit! Fine! But you better take me tomorrow!" Wendy pointed, her hair bouncing as she strutted to the kitchen to continue her studies.
"NOW A ROMANCE MOVIE!" Juvia shouted with glee, the water mage snatching up the remote and promptly sitting on Natsu so he couldn't escape.
"I'm out" Sam stated, the woman not interested in that crap.
"Me too" E.K. added, the friends sharing a dislike of that frilly nonsense.
"That just means more Natsu for Juvia!" Wiggling her behind, the female got comfortable as Natsu accepted his fate with the romance channel going full bore like nails on a chalkboard.
And that's it! I know, short, but hopefully funny! And dammit…I had to throw in a Torgue commercial! Still, hope you all enjoy and feel free to leave a review!
Next TTM… I might have Wendy return to the Racoon City universe, meet up with some of the survivors. Or…something with Evergreen and the Thunder Rebellion.
Anyway, enjoy!
Thehappy