Prompt #4: "I've had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with."
Another week had gone by since Jay had told his sergeant he no longer trusted him. Things had been awkward between the two and within the team a little due to them sensing all the tension, but nothing was as painful as the absence of being able to open up to Hailey and hold her close. He really didn't have anyone to blame but himself for that, he was trying his best to get over this hump. He wanted to be there for her like he always has, but the conditions of his past and the broken trust of so many had made him a little insecure and he was scared it was going to happen again. Only this time would be far worse than anything else because Hailey was his one true person he couldn't afford to lose. He never thought brokenness could touch them- in trust, in bond, in loyalty, or in love. Everyday that passes he feels them drifting apart even more and it's killing him inside. It's killing him even more knowing how badly it's hurting Hailey. After their conversation in the Observation Room where she broke down to him: "but I'm still me! You're acting like I'm not... you barely talk to me, I don't know what to do anymore!" Later that night she made up the bed in their guest room and she had been sleeping in there ever since. That broke him more than anything. It was on the tip of his tongue to reassure her that he of course still knew her and that they'd be fine... he just hadn't been ready to get there yet and now they're both suffering even more from it. He wanted to walk right into that guest room every night and just wrap his arms around her and never let go. But alas, he hadn't yet.
The worst of it was that he wasn't angry at Hailey at all, his boss sure for dragging another one of them down with him, but not Hailey. Never Hailey. He just didn't know how to beat this insecurity and really didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Will had been so busy at the hospital, and he clearly couldn't bring his coworkers into it because they'd have too many questions he can't answer. So he's done the best he's known how and tried to wait it out until his emotions got under check again. It was a technique he had mastered plenty from his army and even pre-deployment days. But he was finally realizing it's gone on too long. He just wondered where he would start.
As he was deep in his thoughts he was rounding the corner to the locker room and his heart fluttered when he realized Hailey was in there getting ready to head home for the day. He was about to cautiously enter when he heard Kevin's voice, probably walking in from the other end. Jay stopped himself and couldn't help but to eavesdrop a little. It would be the closest he's felt to Hailey in weeks.
"Hey girl, heading out?" Kevin asks her.
"Yeah, finally! Long day, ya know?" Hailey gives him a small, hesitant smile.
"Oh, I know. Kim has Makayla's parent-teacher conference so Ruz and I were going to hit up C&K tonight, you guys should come!"
"Thanks, but I've had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with."
"Well that's what Halstead is for, right?" Kevin teases cautiously. Jay sensing the questioning tone in his voice.
Hailey gives a fake little chuckle and it breaks Jay's heart as he continues to listen in.
"Yeah, that's true..." she drops off.
"Everything alright with you two? Can't help but notice a bit of tension between you guys and Voight."
"Yeah, we're okay... just working through some stuff right now... thanks for checking!" She says it sweetly, but it's clear she'd like to end the conversation.
"Aight. Well, you tell that boy if he don't wise his ass up, I'll gladly step in to cuddle you!" Kevin jokes and Jay peers in a little more to see him leaning down and give her a side hug.
Hailey laughs, the first genuine one in a while. "Thanks Kev, I appreciate it! And I'll be sure to tell him where you stand!"
"Anytime, girl! I should head out before Ruz orders the whole bar."
"Have fun! See you tomorrow."
Hailey says and Kevin exits through the other side. Jay sneaks around long enough to hear Hailey's deep sigh as she rises from the bench, slowly opening her locker to throw stuff into her duffle. He wants to run in and pull her toward him right now, but with finally some clarity in his head he knows what he has to do. He rushes out of the district, hoping to beat her home by at least a few minutes. He's silently thanking himself for the frozen pizza they had Bartolli's ship them right after they got engaged. They liked having one on hand for special occasions and he'd never have a chance to stop at the restaurant and manage to beat her home. He wanted to at least have it in the oven for when she walked in.
He gets back to their place in record time, maybe breaking a rule or two and driving with his sirens on. He quickly starts moving around and getting things ready, knowing that she's probably anticipating him not being home for a while. He had disgustingly made it a habit the past few weeks to stay later at work in order to avoid the awkwardness at home and he hates himself for it. That was all going to change today. He pulled out their good whiskey, grabbed their Bears blanket and draped it across the living room floor, got Hailey's favorite Snuggie, and filled a basket with a few of her favorite snacks they had lying around the house - not the most practical of appetizers, but they would do. He had just finished getting everything ready and the smell of the baking pizza started wafted through the rooms when he heard the turn of her key in the lock. She shuffled in, looking defeated until she saw him in the living room sitting on the floor, her eyes going wide.
"Hi." She said hesitantly as she put down her keys, duffle, and slowly started taking off her coat.
"Hey!" He gave her his warmest smile, a smile that Kim had teasingly deemed to him as his 'Hailey smile.'
"You're home early today..." she says questioningly.
"Yeah. I wanted to make sure I got in before you did."
"Okay." She says with a confused pause. "Is that pizza I smell? And what's all this?" She points to his setup on the floor.
"It's too cold to go on the balcony, so I thought we could have an indoor picnic like our first night here." He watches her eyebrows raise, creasing her forehead, and he hates that doing a gesture like this now perplexes her. He continues on quickly, pouring the glasses of whiskey. "A drink..." he tips the glass out to her and then opens his arms. "...and someone to cuddle with, hopefully." He smiles shyly.
Realization dawns on her face. "Jay..."
"Hailey." He tries to tease.
"You don't have to do this. Don't feel guilty just because Kev caught me in an awkward moment."
"Hailey, please c'mere and sit. That's not it. That's not it at all."
She slowly makes her way over and sits cross-legged across from him on their blanket on the floor. He knows she has her guard up and he honestly can't blame her. He hates that he's made her feel this way and played in to her fears.
"Hailey, I'm sorry! You've needed me and I haven't been there for you. That's not us, it's never been, and I don't want it to be."
"It's okay, Jay, I get it. You've had every right to be angry with me."
"I'm not, and I don't. I was never angry with you, Hailey. I've been pissed at Voight for bringing this on you. I know you kept it all from me to protect me and keep me out of it, but we're partners, Hailey. At work and in life. I'd follow you, remember! And if that means risking it all for you or to protect you, then so be it. I just let my frustrations and insecurities boil over and that's not fair to you... to us. But I want to fix that and get past this." He tells her softly.
Tears start to well in her eyes and her lip begins to quiver a little. "Jay, I don't deserve you... you're so decent, so good, and I..."
He stops her before she can continue and pulls her to him. "Hey, hey, so are you! You're the best person I know, Hailey, and despite everything you were just at the wrong place at the right time. What Voight did may have tainted that, but all you did was save his life."
She softly cries into his chest, both of their arms wrapped tightly around the other. He hears her muffled voice as it vibrates against his collarbone.
"I've missed you so much!"
His heart clenches and he squeezes her tighter, softly kissing her forehead. "I've missed you, I'm sorry!"
They hold each other for a long time, basking in the comfortable quiet for once, until they hear the oven chime, signaling the pizza being ready. But he's not ready to let her go just yet and as if sensing that, their deep connection shining again, she pulls her head up to look at him and secures her arms around his waist more.
"Can we maybe wait on dinner and just stay like this a while longer?" She asks him, a hint of insecurity shining through.
He reassures her by giving her a soft kiss, feeling the electricity pulse through his veins the second their lips touch. God he's missed her, this.
"I'd like nothing more!" He whispers as their faces pull away. And then he repeats the words she said to him all those years ago - "We'll be alright!"
And as dusk sets and the dust settles, they both know those words are as true now as they were then. As long as they have each other, they'll be alright...
[A/N: Hi guys, sorry for the continued absence, I'd like to get back in the groove more and start another multi-chapter soon, but we'll see. For now, here's a little post 9X07 one shot, if you will. Hopefully Upstead rectifies themselves soon because I miss them too. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy this, and stay safe and be well!]