Quick songfiction about the song 'Stan' by Eminem. I obviously don't own the song. I hope you enjoy it.

The scene starts with Nidalee showering, but the shower door is all foggy and you can't see a thing. As she rinses her hair, Nidalee starts singing:

My win steak's gone cold

I'm wondering why I got out of gold at all

The preseason muddles up my win rate

And I can't win at all

And even if I could it would just reset

And my Elo would be gone

It reminds me that my teammates're bad, my teammates are bad

My win steak's gone cold

I'm wondering why I got out of gold at all

The preseason muddles up my win rate

And I can't win at all

And even if I could it would just reset

And my Elo would be gone

It reminds me that my teammates're bad, my teammates are bad

It is now evening, minutes after the sun has set. Rengar is at his living room, having just stored away his hunting equipment and his bloody trophies. Tired, after a long day in the jungle, the humanoid feline reclines back in a brown armchair. Rengar sighs in contentment, his gaze drifting to the basket by his leg where he keeps his fan mail. Licking his lips in thought, the mighty hunter grabs one of the mud-stained envelops, and after wiping some dirt off of it he rips it open to read the letter contained within it.

The letter reads as follows:

Dear Rengar, I wrote you, but you still ain't calling

I left my phone, my mail and my Summoner's address at the bottom

I sent two letters back in season six, you must not've got'em

You either thought that they were spam, or the client must have fucked up or somethin'

Sometimes I drool on my words while I'm writin'

But anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man? How's the jungle?

I used to path from krugs to blue, my team's callin' me a slacker

If I queue for ranked, I guess I'm kinda fucked

My Summoner prefers to pick Ahri

These fucking weebs, man, they're all for tits and calamari

I read about you getting nerfed too, I'm sorry

I had a friend int to bronze two over getting styled on by an Akali

I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan

I even pick Smite when I go top and flame my teammate Kha

I got a room full of your mastery badges and your skins, man

I like your duos with Ivern too, that shit is cursed

Anyways, I hope you get this, chief, hit me back

Just to grief, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Gnar

Still in the shower, Nidalee starts singing. This time the shower door isn't foggy, but Nidalee is in her cougar form.

My win steak's gone cold

I'm wondering why I got out of gold at all

The preseason muddles up my win rate

And I can't win at all

And even if I could it would just reset

And my Elo would be gone

It reminds me that my teammates're bad, my teammates are bad

Meanwhile, scratching at his head in confusion, Rengar throws the letter in the fireplace and opens a new envelop from the mail pile:

Dear Rengo, you still ain't called or pinged or came to steal my farm

I ain't mad tho, I just think it's fucked up you prefer to gank a Colossus Bard

If you didn't want to talk to me in the end game lobby, you didn't have to

But you coulda have spared an honor for my premade Poppy

That's the friend that's boosting me, by the way, and he isn't picking up his phone

I tried duoing with him for another game after you left, and he just said no

That's pretty shitty, man, my ego took a huge blow

I checked it up, apparently, I'm as popular as fucking Aurelion Sol

I ain't that mad, though I just don't like being lied to

Remember when we met in Silver?

You said If I'd invite you, you would invite me back

See, I'm just like you in a way, nobody cares about me in my region either

My momma beat me up and locked me in the freezer

I can relate to you stealing cannons from mid lane

'Cause I also flip my shit when I'm up against Swain

I keep spamming Flex games to try to get a fucking chest

But I fail and cry, and rage… your streams help when I'm depressed

Btw, you didn't acknowledge my yesterday's friend request

Sometimes I get permabanned and I have to buy accounts to sate my needs

It's like addiction, I have to buy cosmetics and unlock more skins

See, everything you roar is real, and I respect you 'cause you rage-quit often

My mom is mad at me 'cause I leave my prey on our doorstep

But she don't know you like I know you, Rengar, no one does

She don't know what it is like to groom your fur after each bath

You gotta call me, man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose

Sincerely yours, Gnar- P.S. We should duo together too

"Nidalee, don't finish up all the warm water, I'm tired of having lickbaths!" Rengar shouts from the living room, Nidalee however just hums softly to herself while shaving her tail.

My win steak's gone cold

I'm wondering why I got out of gold at all

The preseason muddles up my win rate

And I can't win at all

And even if I could it would just reset

And my Elo would be gone

It reminds me that my teammates're bad, my teammates are bad

Sighing, Rengar scowls at the mail basket and opens another fan letter. As fate would have it (not Twisted Fate, why would he steal Rengar's mail? It is an expression, okay?) the sender is the same as the last two letters.

Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Gank-or-Group-as-Five

This'll be the last package I'll ever send your hive

It's been four seasons, and still no accept -I don't deserve it?

I know you got my last two invites, I typed your name with my boomerang

So this is my Gnar-Gada! I'm sendin' you, I hope you hear it

I'm in a game right now, I'm building AP so that my teammates forfeit it

Hey, Rengo, I drank a mana potion, you dare me to dive?

You know the song by Yasuo and Yone, "In the Air all Night"

About that Gnar-Gada! who coulda saved that other guy during a teamfight

But didn't, then Yasuo saw it all and got absolutely triggered

That's kinda how this is: you coulda rescued me if you had camped my lane

Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand chat restrictions now -I'm flaming

And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a fur ball of yours for framing

I hope you know I refunded all of your skins from my main account

I loved you, Rengar, we coulda been together -think about it!

You ruined it now, I hope your bot lane will Int and you can't do nothin' about it

And when you lose your winning streak I hope you can't climb without me and you get sad about it

I hope jungler Karthus defeats you and nobody leases you without me

See, Rengar - Shubbanuffa, bitch! I'm tryin' to talk

Hey, Rengar, that's my premade screamin' in the chat

But I didn't feed his lane, I just stole his farm -see? I ain't like you

Toxic, 'Cause exp-sharing isn't flagged for ban

Well, gotta go, It's almost time to forfeit, ciao!

Oh, Shubbanuffa, I forgot -how am I supposed to spam you now?!

Finally having finished with her shower, Nidalee exits the bathroom with a moss-colored tower wrapped around her cougar head. She then jumps on the bed and starts rolling around on top of the sheets to dry herself properly.

My win steak's gone cold

I'm wondering why I got out of gold at all

The preseason muddles up my win rate

And I can't win at all

And even if I could it would just reset

And my Elo would be gone

It reminds me that my teammates're bad, my teammates are bad

Grimacing at the antics of his wife that just can't seem to act like a civilized feline, Rengar puts on his reading glasses, licks the tip of his fountain pen with his big cat tongue and starts writing a reply for his hardcore fan.

Dear Gnar, I meant to befriend you sooner, but I just been camp clearin'

You said that your premade hates you now, I wonder, what division is he?

Look, I'm really flattered you would always donate on my streams and stuff

And here's a tip from a pro jungler, ignore your team and simply farm

I'm sorry I didn't see your match invites, I must've missed you

Don't think I replied to you in the stream chats just to milk you

But what's this shit you said about you being shunned by your region too?

I say my lore was at least updated recently, yours is older than Dr. Mundo

You got some issues, Gnar, I think you need some coachin'

To help your ass climb out of bronze, the new season is approaching

And what's this shit about us playing ranked together?

I'd rather eat Xayah's most sharpest feather

I really think you and your booster need each other

Or maybe he just needs your money and you need to get better

I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time

Before I get another chat restriction, I told Aphelios that he has a drug addiction

It was justified. He had refused to leash me or grant me vision

Anyways, I'm glad I inspire you, but Gnar

Why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want you as a fan

I just don't want you in my life, my promos and my games, k-man?

I seen this one little shit on a Synapse Summontube clip a couple weeks ago that made me sick

Some dude was angry and opened his lane and went top to steal Exp

And had his premade lose his promos while he behaved like a kid

And his Summoner name was Demaglio-Gada, and spoke in a language nobody could understand

Come to think about it… I see no more game invites, did Riot give you a permaban?

Damn…