Chapter 44 – Too little, too late

"So, the bubble got burst then?" Esteban said when Diego returned home. His expression said it all, so there was no need to ask how the encounter went.

"You'll be happy to know my bubble is not just burst, but annihilated, yes. Now, please, leave me alone, because I need time to grieve the sudden death of my wonderful bubble."

At least he's taking it with a dose of humour, Esteban thought.

"I am sorry to hear that. Well, I'm sorry for you, not for me, of course. I can't lie; I'm delighted. So, tell me: do you mind if I carry on courting Victoria, or it is too soon for you?"

"Why do you ask me? Why don't you ask Zorro instead?"

"I would, but I don't know where to find him. But we already talked about this. I told him he should marry her as soon as possible, because she could choose dumping him instead of carrying on with the misery of that relationship. It's not fair to keep a woman waiting for something to happen for so long, you know? She wants to settle, get married and have a family. And I can give her that."

"But Zorro cannot just unmask and start a family without any consequences. I think you are not fair there."

"Well, the whole thing is not fair on Victoria either."

"What makes you so sure she will choose you over Zorro? I am curious."

"I don't know. But I think she hates the spotlight, the danger, the uncertainty… After all this time in a relationship with him, she doesn't even know who's the man she kisses, for Christ sake! Who could blame her if she changes her mind and leaves him? Zorro is not a fool. I'm sure he had been thinking about these matters himself, and he knows is not fair asking her to wait for ever. The clock is ticking, and Victoria may dump him and still don't choose any of us to marry but someone else, I don't know. But I will be there when that happens."

"Like a vulture."

"Or like a Prince, ready to rescue her and take her to the palace. Whatever. I'll be there. And I really hope it happens sooner rather than later."

ZZZ

Diego didn't like the way his cousin put it: "the clock is ticking." Nothing closer to the truth.

He kept silent during dinner that evening, and his father had the good sense of not asking him what the mysterious lady said about the roses. Due to Diego's long face, it wasn't necessary. Instead, uncle and nephew did most of the trivial talking that evening, and after dinner they insisted on keeping Diego company at the library, never touching the subject of his love life. As a result, Diego could not excuse himself to go to the cave to change into Zorro's clothes immediately after dinner, as he wanted to, and he had to wait until they retired to bed. By the time he reached the pueblo the tavern was already closed, and only a solitary light shone through a window in the upper floor: Victoria's.

Despite promising not climbing to her room ever again, he stood up on the saddle and lifted himself on the small roof by the window. He signalled Toronado, urging him to go away this time, and stopped there for a moment to think, just watching his beloved.

She sat at the edge of her bed with one of the saddest expressions he had ever seen on her beautiful face. She was holding the bouquet of roses, crying all over the flowers.

Could there be any hope for Diego, after all?

He hesitated with a hand over the window, considering returning another day, because he didn't want to face her fury at a reveal of his identity. But he had to tell her the truth. As Esteban said, the clock was ticking.

ZZZ

Victoria could not make up her mind. She had rejected Diego that afternoon, but, was that the right decision? She twisted the bouquet in her hands over and over, compulsively, looking at the beautiful flowers through the tears. Always the roses. Zorro's, Esteban's, and now Diego's. Loving three people at the same time was bloody difficult, and unhealthy, driving her insane. Sometimes she thought the right thing should be keeping her promise to Zorro and carry on supporting him and his cause; then the next minute she longed for a life with Esteban, despite his illness and the way he always got in trouble; or like now, considered Diego as the best, safest option, even if she had already hurt his feelings.

Why men could not be like potatoes? If that was the case, she would mash the three of them in a bowl, and the resulting mix would be perfect, balancing out all their qualities and defects. And her dilemma to choose one would be sorted, as there would be no need to discard any of them. She remembered then the gipsy's words at the fun fair: "Decisions to make, and difficult ones." How on Earth did she know?

That afternoon she cowardly preferred keeping Diego in the "friend zone" for ever, safe in there. Her friend Diego, the clever one, the gentle one, the one who could not give up a lost cause where most men would do, like taking care of a horse with a broken leg, and the only one that could still surprise her, as he did when he protected the doctor's reputation, antagonizing the alcalde. And her personal handkerchief for any occasion, always listening. But recently, especially during the past few days, she had seen a harsh side of his personality she had never seen before, and she didn't like it. His rude behaviour, his constant bad temper, the uncompassionate way he had treated his sick cousin... But, if he was so much in love with her as he claimed, could she really blame him? Every time she had showed up at the hacienda he had to witness first-hand all her display of affection for Esteban. No, it could be just jealousy, not bad feelings, and he probably didn't mean to be so rude. And what about Zorro? Should she blame him for pushing Diego into the background, always afraid to show his true feelings because of his perception that he could not compete with the black masked hero? He certainly looked interested in her when he returned from Spain, but then he withdrew into the friend-zone, until now. And she had pushed him back there without giving him a chance.

You are such an idiot, she thought. You must fix this. If Zorro would show up tonight… But it's too late. He won't come now.

She wiped out her tears, left a little box on the side table, and stood up to leave the bouquet in a vase by the windowsill. She nearly dropped it when she noticed the dark shadow lurking outside, like a wish come true.

"Zorro! What are you doing there?"

"Buenas noches, Victoria. Sorry to alarm you. I know I promised I would never come into your room again, but I have to talk to you. Can I come in, please? We really must talk. Tonight."

"Alright. Don't stand there. Come in, quick! I don't want the soldiers spotting you again."

She left the window wide open and Zorro stepped in, closing the shutters behind him.

"Where is Toronado?"

"I sent him away. I don't want to repeat our last encounter. He'll be back when I need him."

"Clever horse."

"Yes."

An uncomfortable silence followed then. Victoria wondered what he wanted to say, but as he didn't get going, she took the lead before she would change her mind again, because she could never think straight in his powerful presence.

"I am glad you are here tonight, because I have been thinking about our relationship. And you are right: we really need to talk."

"Yes, we do. I —."

"No, no, don't interrupt me. Hear me out."

"All right. Ladies first," he said with a warm smile.

"Thank you. Well, I… gosh, this is so difficult," she said, turning her back on him, hoping it would be easier if she wasn't looking at him and his grin. "I am so confused, and I can't keep up with this. I love you, but I can't carry on with this farce of a relationship, not when I am also in love with someone else."

"Please, don't say that," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders, turning her around. She looked at him straight in the eye then and carried on.

"But is true. The other day, at the De la Vega's, I said I love you. And I do, but I was trying to fool myself saying it out loud, that I wanted to carry on and I didn't love anyone else. But the truth is I can't wait for you any longer, Zorro. I tried, but I can't. Right now, I long for stability, I long for a normal, open relationship. Not what you can offer. I am very sorry because I told you I would wait and I don't like breaking that promise, but this is so difficult for me… So difficult."

Zorro was shocked by her words. He knew she was thinking about it, but he wasn't expecting it that night, so soon. Not when he had finally made up his mind to tell her the truth. Not now.

"I understand that, I really do, and I am very sorry to put you in that position for so long, querida. I wish there was an easy way out of this, but I can't see it. I need more time before we can get married. Please, don't give up on me yet. Give me more time," Zorro said, taking Victoria's hands in his, lifting them to his lips, which were trembling now.

Victoria let him kiss her hands once, and then gently slid them out of his black leather gloves to continue her speech. She was literally slipping away between his fingers, and he didn't know how to stop it, although, it was a long time coming, and he knew he should let her go. She moved away from him and started pacing the small room, talking out loud without looking up, as if talking to herself.

"Look, I love you, I really do, but I don't want to be scared all the time anymore. I had enough of this. I can't keep looking at you dodging bullets, being brave and daring while I quietly wait on a side. I don't want to be on edge every day, hiding from the alcalde to have a little time with you here and there, always fearing you'll get caught while you are distracted in my arms. Right now, I need someone I can kiss whenever I want to, out in the open, even if Don Alejandro or someone else is looking. I need someone who can give me children, and a family life, a quiet life, a normal life. I'm sick of this situation, Zorro, which doesn't lead anywhere. I am getting old, and I feel like if every minute of my life is wasted, slipping away while I wait for an illusion, something I cannot have. Something that is never going to be real, and you know this as well as I do."

She paused to look at him, hoping he would say or do something, anything that would make her change her mind again. Why don't you remove that mask right now and let me see your face? Why don't you fight for our love with the same wit you fight the alcalde? she wondered. But it was hopeless. He was not reacting, immobile, as if he didn't care.

"I hope that, when I eventually find out who you really are under the mask, I don't have to regret the difficult decision I am making today." She took a small box from her bedside table and then walked the few steps between them. Her hands were shaking when she opened the tiny lid to take out the engagement ring he had put on her finger only a few months ago.

"I'm sorry, but I can't keep this anymore." She offered the ring back, but he didn't take it. He was frozen. "Please, take it."

He still didn't move, so she took his right hand and placed the ring on his palm, in the middle of his black leather glove, and then closed his fingers over it, lifting her head to look at his sad blue eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she said across her tears.

He finally reacted and embraced her trembling body, fighting his own tears back.

"So am I, Victoria. So am I. More that you'll ever know," he said with his face buried in her locks. He held her tight for a moment, inhaling deeply, taking in the sweet aroma of her gorgeous hair, a smell that would stay with him for ever, and then he let go of her. He gently kissed her forehead and, without breaking eye contact, he stepped back away from her. He didn't want to beg for her love; he didn't want to cry in front of her; and least of all, wanted to reveal his true self now to have a double rejection on the spot, as she had already rejected Diego only a few hours ago. He had lost her, and it was final. She was in love with Esteban, and he should let them have a happy life together, the kind of life he couldn't give her.

"Adiós, querida."

He turned to reach her window for the last time. Half way out, he sent her a final, painful look, and then, clutching at the ring in his hand, he disappeared into the darkness of the night.

ZZZZZ

AN – And yet another twist! Oh, yes, these two can't agree to go in the same direction, ever. They are like yo-yos out of sync. I feel like slapping them repeatedly until my hand falls apart! LOL. At least we are getting close to the end. Keep reading!

Thanks to all those readers out there with a voice. So many nice reviews! Keep them coming, please. And special thanks to whoever said my stories are well written. That comment made my day. I love you, mystery guest. XXX :D