SHIZ. Tsk, thank you Taengoo for being such a complete idiot. I cannot believe I let my hormones get the best of me, again! Shiz Taengoo! There's a reason why the brain is made above the cockodoodledoo! I should have used my brain first! But what the heck! Noona is just irresistible. Too engaging to resist that it makes me wanna cry like a baby... Fuuuu. What now? I'm caught cock-handed, I mean red-handed!
"Is it hard?" Noona had a puzzled face.
Gosh I got caught might as well surrender. She knows it and if I lie she might get upset again. I do not wanna make my pretty noona mad at me... Aigoo. What will I tell her then? Letter A 'Yes Noona I'm hard and it's all your fault!', Letter B 'Noona it hardened by itself I do not what happened!' or... Letter C 'Yes Noona it's hard. Care to help me with it?'... Wow... That's a whole lot of bullshiz! I bet none of the above is an acceptable answer. Arrrrrgghhh!
"Yes noona, it's hard..." I carefully said and blushed at my dumb answer. Yeah dumb but I'm just being honest! I let go of my stiff buddy.
"Awww~ Want me to help you with that Tae?" HOLY. MOTHER. SHIZ. DID NOONA JUST SAY THAT? I felt like an atomic bomb exploded within the recesses of my very being! Fuuuuuu!!! Slap me hard I must be hearing things again! I blink my eyes a few times in disbelief.
"Ummm... I..." I stuttered. My face went really red. I mean what am I supposed to say? At that moment, of course I wanted to just pull her and get it over with but what the hell am I supposed to do?! I mean it was always me who helped myself out when I had a hard-on, you know self love? Am I really gonna get some noona-loving right now?!
"Don't worry Tae-Tae, I'm not angry." She just dropped a mind-numbing eye smile.
That's it Taengoo. Noona said it herself. She's not angry. So is it a go or a no no no no no? I mentally battled with myself. Hnnnnnggg... I got surprised when noona stood up from her seat and walked to where I was. She stood beside me and caressed my shoulder. Shiz shiz shiz it's coming! It's coming! This is it!
"Tae, I know the exercises are hard. So you don't have to be embarrassed if you need to ask for my help." Noona said.
WHAT THE FUDGE. My sick fantasies suddenly dissolved into nothingness and my buddy became disappointed. So much for the handjob I was expecting. I sighed. Oh well...
"Yeah noona please help me." I tried to fake my excitement. Noona just smiles at me.
"Oh see, you haven't answered a single question. Don't worry, we'll get through this test together." Her voice makes everything seem so right... My eyes glittered with hope. I guess I don't really need to imagine dirty things about noona. I guess it can simple and sweet like this. I finally smiled back.
"Thanks noona!"
"No problem Tae, so let's start with this one..." She leans down and points out the questions to me while she explains. Oh gosh please don't lean like that noona. I might have to scratch out what I said about not having to think dirty thoughts about you... Shiz boobies. So near yet so far! Hnnnnnggg... But I guess this is better than nothing at all...
"Yeah..." I just nod and listen to every single word she says while my eyes occasionally drift to her... Ummm... Face. Yeah right. Euhehe! Oh my gosh she smells so dang good. Vanilla. My favourite flavour! It makes me wanna lick her up. No Taengoo! Resist! Resist the overwhelming desire to devour your super sexy noona. Gaaaaaah.
It took about more than an hour and a half before I finished everything, with the help of Pani-noona of course. It was a hell of a struggle. A struggle for self control! You know it can be for a man like me. Noona is ideal woman, my everything~ Every single thing she does leaves me in awe. She's absolutely perfect! One hundred over ten points!
"Finally! See, it wasn't that hard wasn't it?" Noona pats my back and I had to congratulate myself for surviving that session.
"Yes, thanks noona!" That was all I can say. I wanted to say more but maybe then the wrong words would come. I'll probably end up embarrassing myself in the end. I gotta be more careful around noona. All I wanna do is impress her and get her attention, but of course in a righteous way! She's my wife. But she doesn't realize it yet...
Back then... During daycare...
Hhhhhh! What a boring day this is. I should be with my Pani-noona. We should be playing together in the jungle gym right now. I do not want to be here. Everyone is so mean and boring. I do not have friends because I ignore them. I just wanna be with my pretty noona!!! No one else! I should be watching over noons, maybe she will be playing with other boys. She is my wife and I can't let other boys make her laugh or smile. I want her to laugh and smile with me. Huhuhuhu! This is not fair!
"Look at Daeyon. He is crying again!" I heard one of the kids there.
"He's always like that. I guess he needs his mommy. Hahaha!" I heard another one laugh. I just continue what I was doing...
"Hehehe! Maybe he needs to poo poo time! That's why he's always crying and mad." They continued talking. Hmph! Maybe I need to poo poo time on their faces!
"Tweacher, tweacher!!! Daeyon is crying again!" The annoying kid calls out our teacher. Ahhhhhh! Why did he have to do that? Why can't they leave me alone? Why can't I be with Pani-noona right now? I hate school!
"Now Jaebum, wait I will check on Taeyeon if he's alright." Our teacher walks in front of my desk. I just look down on my paper and continue writing.
"Taeyeonnie, are you okay?" Our teacher Miss Gahi asked me.
"Yes." I continued writing.
"Are you sure? What are you doing?"
"Just writing." I continued. I really wanted noona to be with me right now.
"Oh you already know how to write your name? May I see?" The teacher takes a look at my paper.
"Hhhhh..." I sighed.
"Oh... You filled the whole paper up..."
"Hhhh..."
"But... Taeyeonnie... You filled the whole paper with 'KIM TIPPANI'..." Miss Gahi has weird look on her face.
"Yes."
"Ummm... She is?"
"My wife."
After our tutoring session, noona was already about to leave and I was standing at her car door to help her out. Noona was carrying so much stuff, like books and a big paper bag. I opened the door to her car and helped noona place her stuff in the seat next to the driver's. I then closed the door. It was already about seven in the evening. Hayeon-noona and Jiwoong-hyung are nowhere in sight. Thank goodness!
"Bye Tae, you are improving. Keep it up! I guess you'll get a great score in the test." Noona cheerfully tells me. We smiled at each other. I just rubbed my neck, I am so embarrassed! I mean all I did was sit there and listen while she worked herself so hard to help me understand everything.
"Thanks noona." I awkwardly smile. Noona gives me a hug.
I felt like sparks were flying every where! I felt a magic rainbow whirlwind inside my stomach! Shiz! I felt her chest on mine! Euhehehe! It was a quick hug though. I actually didn't want it to end but yeah she pulled away all of a sudden.
"My gosh. What was that?!" She says in a worried tone. As though she was freaked out.
"What was what?" I was worried for my noona.
"I felt like something touched my thigh..." She was pressing down over her mini skirt.
"Huh? An insect? Inside?" I asked her.
"No... Not inside. It brushed my thigh over my skirt."
"What could that be?" I stepped closer into the light of the lamp post to help noona.
"Oh my god!" She covered her eyes and turned around.
"What? What is it noona?!"
"Tae! Just stay where you are!" Noona raised her voice a bit.
"What? Why?" I was getting worried.
"Tae are you doing this on purpose?!" Noona still had her back facing me.
"Doing what?"
"Your fly is open!" She said in a irritated tone.
FUDGE.
I forgot to zip up my pants after I jerked off under the table!!!
SHIZ MY BUDDY IS STILL STICKING OUT.
Noona abruptly enters her car and locks the doors. I zip up my pants and go after her. I kept on knocking at her car window, trying to explain my obvious stupidity. Arrrrggghhh Taeng! Can you please use your brain, even just once? Noona's freaking out of her pants! Well, if she's out of her pants, that seems really nice right? I mean no! Ugh! Stop being a pervert Taengoo!
"Noona!!!" I call her while she was already starting her car. She glanced at me for the last time. I can see she was crying. Noooooo!!! What did I do?! Why am I so stupid?! She won't ever speak to me again! She just came back, now I drove her away! Again and again! I hate myself... Arrrrggghhh!!! Her car starts moving and I try to chase after her. Like a scene from those irritating dramas you watch, I chase her car but then I got tired. Without noticing, I was already shedding tears. Damn it, damn it, damn it! Right now, I really wanna smoke and drink all night! I am so depressed and frustrated. But you know what? I can't. I promised Pani-noona that I will cease from doing my bad habits. Noona, that was really freaking idiotic of me not to keep my cockoo in place! Aish... I sigh deeply. I walked aimlessly while trying to contact her. She isn't replying to my texts or answering my calls. I bet I screwed up real bad this time and she hates me. When midnight came, I decided to head home. I was still trying to call her even when I was already in bed. I felt so restless. Just then, I received a text from her...
"Tae, stop calling and texting. Just go to sleep okay? Don't fret. I am okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Don't give me a reason to be worried about you. Goodnight Tae-Tae. " The text read. I was relieved that she finally replied.
"Noona, I am so sorry. I was really dumb! TT Please don't be mad and don't cry. It was my entire fault! TT See you tomorrow, goodnight too. " I texted her back.
"Tae, I am sorry too. It's okay. Maybe you weren't thinking or what. I don't know... Just go to sleep now! Don't reply anymore." She replied for the last time. I can't take this. My harmless fun became incredibly harmful! I just close my eyes and cry. Eventually, I fall asleep.
"Pani-noona... I really love you... It's stupid CockTae's fault!!! Curse you evil dick! You should've stayed in my pants!!!"
Ugh!!! It's morning now. I feel really wasted even though I haven't had any alcohol since Pani-noona came back. I feel so sick today and worried about what will come. I'm worried that Pani-noona might get disgusted at me. I know that she feels that way. Why else would she cry like that right? Aish! Everything was going fine! I just had to ruin everything... Anyways, I prepare for school as I usually do. I feel all gloomy and stuff as I sit down at our dining table. I see Jiwoong-hyung leave and Hayeon-noona joins me for breakfast.
"Taeyeonie! Where were you last night eh? Did your Pani-noona come for your tutoring?" She asks me while chewing her food. Usually, I would point that out to her but I'm really not in the mood right now.
"I don't wanna talk about it..." I answer coldly. I then munch on my toast.
"Wait a minute! You skipped tutoring did you?! You are totally embarrassing me! I told your Pani-noona that you'd be an obedient kid and never skip tutoring!" She shouts at me. The crumbs of her food fly out. Ewwww~
"I told you, I don't wanna talk about it!" I retorted without looking at her.
"Well whatever! If you're not gonna tell me what happened, fine! I'll be going to Pani's apartment anyways. Maybe she'll tell me!" She finishes her food and immediately brings her plate to the sink. Huh?! No!!! But Pani-noona wouldn't tell her! Would she? Aish! What am I going to do now?!
"You're going right now?" I sit up and follow her.
"Yep! Go to school okay! If you don't, you'll regret it! I'll tell your Pani-noona about your misbehaviour!" She gets her car keys and goes out of the house. I'm just so dead right now. Just crap right? Okay, worst case scenario, Pani-noona is grossed out and she won't be my tutor anymore which really sucks. Another one, Pani-noona leaves me again because of trauma. Aish! I pull my hair. Or worst worst scenario, my siblings find out and they beat the living daylight out of me. I sigh deeply. What should I do now? I know! I should follow Hayeon-noona! I sneak out and wait for her to leave. Then, I call a cab and follow her. I told the driver to be extra careful. It was a rather long drive. When we arrived, I paid the driver. There goes my allowance! Damn it! I moved quickly. I hid behind another car parked in front of Pani-noona's apartment.
Looks like Hayeon-noona's inside. I can see her car parked over the other side of the road. This is, stake out time! I patiently wait for Hayeon-noona to leave. An hour, two hours, three hours passed... I'm bored and not to mention cold! Looks like it's gonna rain. The clouds are all gathering and all dark. I stand for a bit and walk around for a while so my legs won't get cramped. I see a flower shop while walking. I then take out my wallet. Ugh! I only have money to buy a few roses! So with the only money I have left, I bought three pink roses, these symbolize my love and respect for Pani-noona! Shiz! I don't have any money left! I guess I'll be walking home after this or just die in front of Pani-noona. I don't know!!! I know that even though Pani-noona was offended, she would still protect me... She's always like that...
"Kim Taeyeon! What the hell! Why did you break our halmeoni's precious vase?! I'm gonna kill you!!! Or better yet, have Jiwoong-oppa kill you!!!" Hayeon-noona shouted at me. Keh! I was just playing around in the living room with Pani-noona and I hit the vase. No, it wasn't by accident. I just hit the darn thing 'cause it looked annoying to me. That is my nature, hitting things that annoy me. You can see why I hit Hayeon-noona all time. Pretty reasonable. She rages towards me but then Pani-noona stops her.
"Hayeonie, don't get mad at him." Pani-noona says calmly while trying to stop my sister from hitting me.
"Aigoo, Pani-ah! This kid is so naughty and evil!" She tells Pani-noona.
"It was an accident Hayeonie, I hit the vase by accident. I'm sorry. It's not his fault. " Pani-noona lied. My eyes immediately widen and just when I was about to say something, Pani-noona covered my mouth with her hands. She smiles at me.
"Pani-ah! What the hell?! You broke the vase? Oh well, if it was an accident then there's nothing we can do about it. I'll just get the broom and clean it up." Hayeon-noona leaves.
"Noona!!! Why?! You didn't have to lie like that! What if Jiwoong-hyung beats you up!!!" I shouted but it was muffled because Pani-noona was still covering my mouth.
"Tae-Tae, shush~ It's okay. Jiwoong-oppa won't beat me up and I certainly won't let him beat you up either." She whispers to me. My tears start to fall again. I felt really guilty. She lets go and uses her scarf to wipe my tears.
"Thank you noona." I hug her tightly. I smell her hair, she smells so nice! Like vanilla, my favourite ice cream flavour!!!
"It's alright Tae, just don't ever break stuff that isn't yours just because you want to. How would you feel if it was done to you right? There, there... Don't cry..."
I sniff a few times and stop crying. When Hayeon-noona came, we helped her clean up the mess I made. Pani-noona is my saviour. I could just swear, when I grow up to be a man, I will also save her and protect her. I will risk my life for her!!!
I sneaked back to my stake out place, with the roses I bought. I could sense that Hayeon-noona will be leaving soon. After a few minutes, she steps out of the apartment. I wait for her to get on her car and leave. When she was out of sight I run to Pani-noona's apartment.
I ring the door bell a few times.
The door opens.
"NOONA!!!"
"Hayeonie?" Pani-noona peaks but when she saw me, she closed the door. I knock a few times and shout.
"Noona, please open the door! I just wanna talk to you. I thought you wanted to talk to me? I'm here now... Please..."
"Don't you have school?!" I can hear her shout from the other side of the door.
"Yes noona. I know but to me, I think you are more important than school..." I just had to say that! Damn it! Aish! Please have pity on me noona, please open the door~ It's cold here! I just wanna talk to you!
"Please noona~" I beg. She doesn't respond. I sit in front of her doorstep, shivering. It starts to drizzle a little. I wait for her to open the door. I know she will. I just know she will. After a couple of minutes, thunder came and the rain started to pour. It was really cold and I got wet. I cover the flowers with my jacket so they won't get ruined. Noona, please open the door. Hnnnnnnng~
The door then opened and I immediately stand up. Pani-noona was holding a huge towel and she let come inside. She accompanied me to sit down in her living room. I smiled awkwardly at her gave her the roses. They weren't as wet as I was, thank goodness! She gives me an equally awkward smile and places the roses on the table.
"Errrmm... Thanks? Tae-Tae, look at you. You didn't have to come at this time. I told you that we'll be talking later right?" She tells me while wiping my head with the towel.
"I know noona. But I can't help it. Achooo!" I sneezed! What?! Once again, my expertise, ruining the moment. Well done Taengoo! She shakes her head. She then pulls my hand. We head towards her bedroom. She lets me sit on a chair and then she goes to her bathroom. She comes out and pulls me towards the bathroom.
"Go inside, take a warm bath. I'll prepare your clothes. After you're done, call me okay? I'll be waiting outside."
She then leaves. I enter the bathroom and take off all my clothes. There was a tub filled with warm water. I dip in and wash myself. After I bathed, I walk outside with a towel on. I see there are clothes on the bed. I chuckle to myself. Her pink obsession is still with her till now! Almost all of her stuff her is pink! Wow! I could go gay just staring at all her stuff. Euhehehe~ Wait a sec, these can't be her clothes right? They're like in men's sizes? Hmmmm... She couldn't possibly have a boy friend right? Here. Now. No. Anyways, I brush off those weird thoughts.
I sit at her bed and feel the sheets. They're smooth. Probably as smooth as noona is but... Ugh! Stop being so pervy Taeng! That's what got you into this mess... Aigoo~ But it's in my system! I climb up the bed and see her pillows. I couldn't help my sniff them. Hnnnnnng~ They smell like her... The sweet smell of Vanilla. Yum! I mentally slap myself and let go of the pillow. I gave one of the pillows a quick peck. Then I get off of the bed and head out. I called out for noona.
"Pani-noona! Achoooo! Achooo!" I shout. She approaches me with a tray in her hand, there's a bowl of soup and some warm milk.
"Go inside Tae. It's more comfy in my bed." She tells me. I sit on the bed. She puts her hand on my forehead.
"Oh gosh. You're hot." She says worriedly. Euhehehe~ She said I'm hot. I know it was my temperature but whatever. I'm rejoicing!
"Sit on the bed." I follow her. She covers my lower body with a blanket.
"Noona, thank you for all this but... I just wanna tell you how sorry I am... Really sorry." I tell her while she feeds me.
"It's okay. It's an accident right? Maybe you were too nervous about the test and you forgot and well tell me it was an accident..."
"Noona. It was all my fault."
"But Tae, you didn't mean it right?"
"I... I didn't..." I scratched my head. Well, absolutely didn't mean to leave my buddy exposed like that but if only I resisted the urge to fantasize about noona at that time I could have spared myself!!!
"See. It's okay but it just feels weird. You've been acting weird..." She shakily says. I sigh deeply. Gosh! I don't wanna make her cry again!
"Noona..." I took a deep sigh. Should I tell her why I'm acting weird? It's not like I'm five years old. I can say what I feel for noona as a man right? I can right? Maybe this is the moment to expose my pure love for noona, I mean I already exposed my cockoo, might as well expose the naked truth!!!
"Yes Tae?" My heart began to thud. My palms became sweaty and my throat went dry. Shiz, come on Taengoo! Say it! Get it over with! While you're here! While noona is here! Or you'll regret it!
"I wanna tell you something." I gulped.
"What is it? About what?"
"About us. About you mostly." Noona's full attention was on me. It makes me wanna pee in my pants!
"Hmmm? What is it?"
"I wanna tell you that..." Here it comes! Fudge. Fudging shiz.
"That?"
"I love you noona." My face went red and I looked down. Goddarnit! But I forced myself to look at her.
"Tae, I know. But it doesn't mean we can let those things slip." Wait up... What did noona just say?
"Wait! You know?"
"I love you too Tae-Tae, but as a little brother... Sister and brother are supposed to keep in clean and those things are not right. It's just a little careless." Pani-noona raises her voice a bit.
You love me?
But...
As a little brother... That is just wonderful.
What a wonderful cold hard slap straight on the face.
My heart shatters, it breaks into little tiny bite size pieces...
SO PAINFUL. More painful than all the punches, hair-pulling, crotch-kicking, slaps and pinches that Hayeon-noona has generously given me, combined!!! More painful than being jacked up by Jiwoong-hyung! More painful than falling off an eighty-two storey building, and surviving! Arggghhhhh! I love you Pani-noona, but I never ever loved you as a sister; I loved you as a man loved a woman; loved you as a lover. Wait no... No not loved. I am loving you now and I always will. I hold in the tears, Man! I am trying so hard! It hurts so badly! I look at her, biting my tongue. I can't say the wrong words this time. I can't confess to her. It'll just make things more complicated. It'll just ruin whatever we have now, what it is that we have anyway? Oh yeah right, friendship; Brotherly, sisterly love; Platonic. Hurtful. Bullshiz. Ahhhhhhhh!!!
I look down and I reach out my hand to hold hers. I close my eyes and man up.
"Noona, I'm really... Sorry..." I tell her but my voice is already cracking.
"Tae-Tae... I know that you're not a kid anymore. But I guess I shouldn't overreacted like that." I cut her off as I embraced her tightly. Just stop noona. This is non-sense...
"Noona please~ Let's just forget about it! Pretty please with ice cream on top!" I pleaded with my fake aegyo voice. I hope she listens though. I feel her arms around me. I can also feel her nod.
"Mmm... Okay baby... I mean Tae! I think I'm just overreacting. Promise me that we'll forget about it okay?" She pulls away and gives me a smile. I smile back and nod.
Yeah, let's. I don't wanna be in this crap anymore! I pout at her. We just continue to talk while she feeds me. After that, I can't quite remember. All I know is that I fell asleep.
I woke up and I see Pani-noona sleeping. She was sitting with head resting on her arms by my side. I sit up and stroke her hair. I come closer to her while I stare at her pretty face. She's just so beautiful like I can't even... So perfect! But my heart breaks a bit when I recall those words she told me. I try to brush them off. Without knowing I touch her lips and give her a peck. I immediately pull away. Her lips are so soft and she smells so sweet. I love her so much. Ahhhhhhhh! Maybe I should just go now. I get out of bed and look for my uniform, being extra careful not to wake her up. I open the door and she suddenly speaks.
"Taeyeon?" She just woke up and she rubs her eyes. She looks so cute! Her hair is bit messy! So adorable! She stands up and approaches me.
"I'm going noona. I feel better now. Thank you~" I tell her while fixing her hair.
"Are you sure? Maybe I should drive you home."
"Yes I'm okay, just rest noona."
"Aigoo~ I shouldn't let you go home by yourself when you're sick like this." She puts her hand on my forehead again. Oh crap! I forgot! I don't have any money. Maybe I should let her give me a ride home.
I eventually agree and she drives me home. It's already night time. Wow, I spent almost a whole day at her place. Well, time flies when you're having fvck... I mean fun... Aish!!! Man, did I have a fun time realizing that she doesn't feel the same way like I do. I know right? FUN! But... At least I got to spend the whole day with the love of my life. Just so you know noona, I won't give up. You're mine and I'm yours! That's final! End of conversation! Period, no erase!!! I Kim Taeyeon swear to be your husband! We'll be together forever... And more! Oh wait, did I just mentally propose to her? Oh yeah I did...
It was still raining, rather traffic. We were caught in a stop for a few minutes now. Aish! And it's so freaking cold. I shiver.
"Tae, are you okay?" She removes her jacket and gives it me. I shake my head but she's still handing to me. I sigh and put it around me like a blanket. I felt warm. It was like she was hugging me. Teehee! And it smells like her too...
"Noona..." I call her.
"Hmm?" She smiles.
"Do you like me?"
"Hmmm... Yeah? You mean what?"
"As in like-like?" I ask her absent mindedly.
"You mean attracted?" I nod. I can see her face turned pink.
"Well... I would be lying if I said I am not physically attracted to you..." She says softly. My eyes widen. What?! She is physically attracted to me?!
"You are noona? Am I physically attractive? I know I am vertically challenged though." I scratch my head in disbelief. She giggles
"Yes you are silly! Well, to be honest... The moment I first saw you after a while, I was really surprised. You've really grown up. You're really different from my baby Tae-Tae..."
"Really?"
"Yeah... You're handsome now... Do you work out?" Her face turned red. Aigoo! I wanna pinch her cheeks right now! Really cute!
"Yeah noona... Thanks, you're making me blush! Ahaha! You too noona... You're prettier now noona. Actually... You're always pretty~" I laugh and scratch my arm. Yep, I've been working out. Actually it's part of my plan. I want noona to notice me when she sees me. I am glad I succeeded! PUAHAHA! Look at these guns and I do have abs you know. Proud me right here. I could strip right now and show her but that would just be stupid. Aish.
She smiles, we then continue on our way home. After a few more minutes, we arrived home. We walked under her big pink umbrella and she walked me to the door. Is it me or am I like a girl and Pani-noona is the guy with what's happening now? I mean she drives me home, takes care of me and stuff... Don't worry noona! I will work hard and buy myself a ride, I will take care of you and our children... Ahhhh! I'm proposing again, in my mind. Fuuuu...
"There. Go inside and rest okay? If you're not feeling well by tomorrow, don't go to school. You can call me and I'll come for you." She rubs my arms. Aish noona, I can handle myself. I don't wanna burden you.
"Noona, I'm okay. Don't worry about me."
"Go inside now. And by the way... Thanks for the roses! Bye Tae!" She kisses my cheek and she runs off to her car. The rain became harder. When she was inside her car, she opened the car window and waved at me. I waved back and she closes it and went off. I blush. Her lips almost touched mine. Arrrrrrrgggghhhh! I feel weak now... Not because I am feverish, but because a lot happened... I am tired emotionally. Wow, did I just say that? I'm getting all emotional right now. I enter the house and Hayeon-noona keeps on blabbing like whatever. I ignore her and enter my room. Sheesh, I need some rest.
When I lay on my bed, I felt something hard on my butt. I pull the damn thing. It was a small note book., pink with a Hello Kitty on it. Wait... This is Pani-noona's? She must've dropped this the other day. I wasn't able to notice this before. Maybe I was too depressed to notice it. I open it out of curiosity. Everything was written in English... Ugh! Headache! I try my best to understand the words...
"Tippani's diarr-rhea... Diaa... Diary?" I tried to read it. While flipping the pages, a small picture falls. I pick it up. It's a picture of a guy. Hnnnnnng~ Who is this jerk? He looks gay! And why the heck is his picture in my noona's diary?! Arrgghhhh! I'm seriously gonna flip out now!
I turn the picture over and see that something is written...
"I love you.
- Dennis"
What the fudge?! Who is this?! Arrrrrggghhhhhh!!! I rip up the picture into shreds.
NOONA!!! WHO THE HECK IS DENNIS?!?
Damn damn damn dammit I say!!! After tearing that forsaken picture of that forsaken whoever, I pick up the pieces and get my lighter, plus my ashtray. I head to my bathroom and lock the door. I am so angry right now you know that?! I get the pieces and place them in ashtray. Guess what happens? I light them up! Ceremonial burning of Dennis' picture! I them put the ash bit into the toilet and flush it. THAT'S HOW FREAKING MAD I AM RIGHT NOW! Forgive me. I can't control myself at the moment.
Breathe Taengoo, breathe! Whew~ Who is that jerk? Why does he have to give his picture to MY NOONA, yes, I repeat MY NOONA? On top of all that, with an I love you! Hnnnnnnng!~ Ahhhhh! Only the worst things are coming to mind. One, that Dennis is someone Pani-noona is crushing on. Two, maybe that picture isn't for Pani-noona but she decided to keep it anyways, I do not want to know the reason why! Three, that son of a bish is Pani-noona's bbbb-boy-ffff... I can't even say it! I don't even wanna think about it!
Aish. Okay enough. Pani-noona hates it when I flip out like this. I just have to return her diary tomorrow and forget the whole thing. Yeah, that's right. Hnnnnnng~ I am so stressed. Pani-noona~ I love you so much that it hurts. Please, just please... Be mine...
Bell rings! Aigoo. I really need a Nobel Peas Prize for this. I have been fully wake in school for almost a week now! Ahaha! I really do believe now that miracles can happen. I should know, an angel told me she was physically attracted to me! Euhehehehehe~ My thoughts linger to that special momen. Mmmmm... Someday, I hope noona realizes that she can also make physical contact and yeah I'm talking about the intimate kind...Euhehe! Whoops~ I have to minimize my byuntaengness from now on. I have to be a respectable man for my Pani-noona.
Classes are dismissed now, time for my tutoring session. I walk to the gate and wait for Pani-noona to come. I fix my hair and my uniform so that I'll look even better. After all, Pani-noona says I'm physically attractive. Euhehe! I agree with her... You know, I am way more attractive than that Dennis guy. Yeah he's freakishly tall, muscular unlike me but... Umm... Whatever.
After a few minutes, her car arrives. I smile at her, my signature dorky smile that my so called friends laugh so hard at. She gives me an eye smile back. Arrrrrrgghhhhhh~ I feel electricity whenever she does that. I open the car door and we go on our way home. I am excited and nervous all over again. After all that's happened! I'm thankful she didn't hate me for all the crap I did. Hnnnnng~
"Are you feeling okay now?" She asks while driving.
"Yes noona. Thank you for taking care of me." I reply.
"Oh, that was nothing! I'm surprised that you seem so healthy now. You had a very high fever the other night."
"I am a healthy and strong guy!" I try to show her my muscles, too bad her eyes are on the road. Hmp. I just sit back...
We then arrived home. After getting out of her car, I opened the door for and then we headed inside.
We started as soon as we got seated. I know she's trying to make it seem as normal as it can possibly be but I know, in the back of her head, she might still be thinking about what has happened. I know I do.
Minutes passed, she discussed and discussed while I stare at her face. Omo, too pretty to be even real! I have to admit, I can't understand majority of what she's trying to explain but whatever! I know she'll help me understand them. I'll be an English god in no time. Hahaha!
"Tae, now it's your turn. Give me some examples of interrogative sentences." She says. I suddenly snap out of my trance. Hmmmm~ What are those again? Hnnng! I think they're questions, right?
"Ahhhh... "
"Give me three Tae." She then smiles and crosses her arms. What?! It's hard to tell if she's upset or not when she smiles like that. Okay Taengoo think! Gotta think! I look around. I see hayeon-noona's picture on the wall, her high school graduation picture. Yuck.
"Ehem... Why is Hayeon-noona... Hmmm... Bit-ch? Uhm no... Bed?"
"What Tae?"
"Why is Hayeon-noona bed?" I say again.
"Why is Hayeon-noona bad?" I nod. She gives me a really weird look.
"Ahhh... Okay. But she isn't really bad you know." I just nod again. Of course she isn't bad. We all know that she is beyond evil. Pani-noona sure likes Hayeon-noona. But whatever! She likes me too!
"Actually, she wanted to pay me for tutoring you. It was really nice of her but I refused. So... Give me another one?" I think really hard. This is so hard! Harder than... Just hard you know?!
"Noona... How cum... cum... Hmmm... come you..." I point at her.
"You are so... pretty?" I finished my question.
"Me? Pretty?" She points at herself and giggles. I blush and rub my neck. She is so cute when she is like that! Euhehehe~ I nod at her shyly.
"Aww~ Thank you Tae." She hits my arm lightly. I smile at her. She giggles again.
"Hmmm?" I wonder.
"It's just that you are so cute! Your dimples are showing! Omo~ You must be really popular in school with the girls. Okay, give me the last one." She says while holding my shoulder. I suddenly remember the picture I saw in her diary. Hmmm... I will give it back later. I just have to know...
"Noona, Do you... Hhha- have... A bbbb-bbbb-boy... Prend?" I stutter.
"Ahhhhh... Do you have a boyfriend? Haha! You can ask that to a girl you like! Okay Tae. We're done now! Good job today. You pronunciation is really improving a lot." She says and hugs me. When she pulled away, I gave her a pout.
"Do you have a boyprend?" I ask her again.
"Hmmm... Tae, is that still an example or... Are you asking me that for real?" I just nod. Here it comes!!! Please say no!!!
"Well. Right now... It's complicated." She frowns. Noona looks sad.
"What's wrong noona? Do you want to talk about it? But if you don't want to, it's okay." I tell her. She suddenly hugs me tightly. I rub her back to comfort her. What could be wrong? She begins to sob. Ahhhhhh!!! What the heck?! I made her cry again? She pulls away and I see her crying. I wipe her tears.
"It's okay Tae. Maybe if I tell you... You would understand... I mean, you're a guy too right?" Tears were streaming down her pretty face. I felt hurt seeing her like that.
"He just broke up with me a week ago. Before I left for Korea... He easily gets jealous and stuff... This isn't the first time we broke up... We still manage to get back again together but he really went to far... I think I still love him... The funny part was our last fight was because of you... Haha..." She sobs in between her sentences and fakes a laugh.
"Hmm? Noona don't cry, I'm here."
"We fought because I kept on mentioning you. I have planned to go back to Korea for a long time now. Last week, I was so excited to see you guys, especially you and I kept on saying about how much I missed you and he got mad. So there, we broke up. I don't why, but he shouldn't be mad about those kinds of things." She tries to stop crying. Inside, I didn't know what to say, think or feel. Like there was a bad disco slash club slash Barney song mash-up remix thing inside me. Should I be happy? Aish! I hug her.
"Noona, it's not you. It's his problem..." It hurt me but what could I do now...
"Umm... Thanks Tae... You know he called again and asked me to get back with him." She nuzzled her head on my shoulder. Ooooooooh~ Stop noona! You're turning me on!!! Must. Resist. Resistttt~ Good thing she pulls away.
"Noona, what did you say to him?" Ahhhhhh! Tell me you said no noona!
"As much as I hate him, I still love Dennis...
I said yes... So I guess we're together again but I just feel weird about us..."
Yeah that's weird that you got back with that son of a bish slash jerk boy friend. I was furious deep done. I wanted to rip that Dennis into shreds!
"Noona. Break up with him."
"Hmm Tae?"
"I... Love you."
"W-what Ta-"
I felt my lips touch noona's...
Oh my freaking fudge! I kissed her! I kissed Pani-noona! I slowly pulled away and opened my eyes to see her reaction. At that moment, everything was in slow motion but I could feel my heart beating so fast... I felt like it was gonna burst! Noona was confused and kinda shocked? I furrowed my eye brows... Did I have bad breath? Hmmmm...
Taengoo, this is it! This is your chance! Stroke while the iron is hot! I mean strike! Hnnnnng!~ Maybe this is the time to confess my true inner desire... I mean pure love for Pani-noona!!! I take out the diary from my bag and hand it to her.
"Noona, I think this is yours..." I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Noona snapped out of her shock. She took the small notebook and hugged it.
"Tae, Why did you... How did you-"
"You accidentally left it here when you last came..." I said while moving closer to her. She looked confused.
"Don't worry noona... I can't understand English that well so if you're scared that I read it, even if I did, I wouldn't understand anyway... AHAHA!" I slowly held her hand and caressed it with my thumb.
"But what was that? Why did you kiss me?" Noona asked and was completely panicking.
"I don't understand why I had to kiss you like that noona... But what I do understand and for a fact I know is real... I'm in love with you noona. I love you not as a sister but as a woman..." I kissed her hand. She seemed really surprised. She pulls her hand reluctantly.
"Tae-Tae... Don't say that... You know what you're feeling right now? It's puppy love. You know what that is? It's temporary, you're not really sure of it. It's just infatuation Tae..." She looks at me with great disbelief. NOONA I'M SERIOUSLY MADLY IN LOVE YOU! Fuuuuuuuuuu~ I take her hand again, she doesn't resist me.
"Pani-noona... If this is puppy love then... Then I don't know what real love is. I'm eighteen noona, I'm not a little kid anymore." She shakes her head. What?! No noona! I'm not lying! Please believe me!
"Please listen to me. I'm telling the truth. I loved you since I was a little boy till now. When you left, there wasn't a single moment that I didn't think about you noona... I kept on waiting for you... Every day, for the past thirteen years. That long noona. Did your Dennis ever do that? Does he want to see you like this, hurt and crying. Well, I don't. I wanna see you smile noona, even if it hurts me. I love you so much." I said while looking into her eyes intensely. I am serious noona, dead serious. She bites her lips.
"Tae... Oh my gosh... I... don't know what to say. I'm your noona," She shakily says. See noona! You said it yourself! YOU'RE MY NOONA. I'M YOUR MAN.
"That's true. But age doesn't matter. Please give me a chance to make you happy. I know, you see me as a brother right? But noona, let me tell you this... Brother and sister are not physically attracted to each other so that must mean you don't see me as a brother correct?" She was dumbfounded. I laughed.
"I love you." I repeated. She gives me a weak smile.
"I don't know... Tae, I have a boy friend."
"Break up with him... Please say yes noona, be my girlfriend? Pretty please? With ice cream smores cake on top! I love you so much~" I say it in my aegyo voice and start acting cute. She giggles.
"Hmmmm..." I kiss her hand again.
"pleeease be my golprend?~" I tried to say it out in English.
"Hahaha! Tae... You're so cute you know... And you... You always know how to make me laugh." I pouted at her. Come on noona! Her mood is okay now... Please say yes~ eh eh eh eh~ Say yes~ Sayeyeyey yes~
"Hmp Tae. Do you understand the consequences of what you're doing? Or what's gonna happen when you have your way? It's gonna be hard for me and hard for you... " She scolds me. Hard for me? Of course I'll get hard when you become my girl friend. Hnnnnnnnng~ Maybe you'll get hard too. Hoho~ Ahhhhh! Byuntaeng alert again. Brush it off Taeng! But I must admit, that's an ingenious idea right there. I nod at her.
"I know... But the heck with what people say right? Noona, I don't give a shiz about what anyone says. All I care about is you~" I smooch her hand. She giggles, I guess I tickled her. Teehee!
"I really don't know... Tae, you're nice and sweet. Caring and not to mention thoughtful. I did miss you when I left and I was always worried about you. When I met you again, I was happy seeing that you've already grown up. I guess you grew up too fast... You telling me these things... Kinda... I don't know." She tells me while looking away. I guess she's really worried about what people would say. But I'm sure, one hundred billion gazillion trillion infinity sure that I want her to be my girlfriend, my wife, the mother of my dozen children, my future. I love you Pani-noona!!!
"Noona, I may not have a job right now, but I can be your slave. Euhe! All I need is your love and I'll give you service guaranteed. I may not have a sports car but I can ask you to go to the arcade with me and we'll play racing games there together! Euhehe! I may not be the same age as you but I am a man who'll treat you way better than any guy whose has the right age. I am handsome right? Tall? You find me funny right? I have a big... big... really... big big big... hhh... heart!!!" She laughs at me. That's it noona! I love it when you do eye smiles for me.
"Tae-Tae... I never knew that you actually felt for me this way... Now that you're saying all these... Hmmm... You know it's not easy for me..." I nod.
"If you're not ready to answer, it's okay. I can wait for another thirteen years if you want. Haha! Age still doesn't matter to me. Even if you're thirty six by then and I am thirty one..." I joke. She looks annoyed and gently slaps my arm.
"Just kidding noona. I'm willing to wait longer. I can wait. But if you don't want to, I'll still be waiting. If it can't be now, maybe next life time. I'm sure you're still the one I'll fall in love with noona..." I add cheesiness. Arrrrggghhh! I can't believe I said that. She paused and we stay silent for a while.
"Silly Tae-Tae..."
"Yes noona?" I anxiously wait for her reply...
"Let's..."
"Let's..." Noona takes a deep breath. I feel so freaking nervous right now!!! I have never been this nervous my entire life! It's like the end of the world if she rejects me. My life will totally crumble if she tells me 'Oh Tae-Tae, let's stay away from each other. You are a total lunatic for confessing to me and more over, kissing me!' then I get a hard slap on the face. That is a complete nightmare!!! Arrrrgghhhht! Well what if she says 'Let's Tae-Tae! Let's be a happy couple! Let's get married! Let's make babies together! I love you too!' wow, that would just be so amazingly impossible but I would be the happiest man in the face of this planet! Oops, kinda fast forward don't you think? But perfect~ Euhehe!
"masdasdas..." I mumbled...
"Let's not." Noona looks away. I felt like I receive multiple gunshots from all over the place, all aiming at my heart... It. Hurts. So. Darn. Much!!! I blink a couple of times. I didn't wanna believe it at first... No no no no no... Why... That Dennis won't love her like I do! Why... Why won't she give us a chance...
"W-wh-wh-" I couldn't even form an understandable response. I felt like the whole world is going to an end...
"Tae-Tae... I can't just do what you're asking me... I know, there might be a girl out there for you but noona can't be that girl." Noona approached me gave me an embrace. I was fighting so hard to keep the tears from falling. I took a deep breath.
"Why not..." I whined and pulled away so I can look at noona in the eyes. Please~ Give me a chance!
"Because we can't. I'm too old for you..." Noona tries to comfort me by rubbing my back. I shut my eyes.
"Says society. But my heart says we should give it a try." I wasn't gonna give up that easily!!! I need her. I need her so damn much!!! HUHUHUHUHU!
"Tae-Tae... You're like a brother to me... How could I destroy our relationship just like that..." Oh no. The brother-sister talk again! My heart melts and evaporates into an abyss of nothingness... OUCH OUCH OUCH! That freaking hurts! Thanks a lot!
"Hmmm... But you said you liked me!!!"
"I do... But I have a boyfrie-"
"I told you break up with him... He's gonna hurt you again! Listen to me noona!" I held her shoulders
"I am... Tae-Tae..."
"Please noona~~" I practically fell on my knees, begging her.
"Look Tae... What should I do to make you stop?"
"Give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you. That I'm not a kid, not your brother but a man who can love you for real!" I told her honestly. Noona became silent for a while. I bet she's just thinking it over.
"Okay... Tae listen to me... I don't know what to do right now. But just... Just please... I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to wait for me."
"I don't want you to get hurt either noona..." We stared at each other's eyes. Noona leaned in to give me a tight hug. I hugged her back. Hhhhh... I didn't want to let her go. I don't know why but I felt something different from the way she held me... I felt like it meant something.
"I love you so much noona."
"To: Taeyeon
From: Pani-noona 3
Tae-Tae, I can't come to tutoring today. I have something to do.
Sorry, but you can self study tonight. See you next time!"
I read the text. Arrrggghhhhhh! This is like the third time we postponed tutoring. Was it because of the freak incident? The courageous confession of the century I did?!? Hhhhhhhhh! Is noona avoiding me? I tried calling her but every time I do, she doesn't answer... Maybe she needs space or time to think about it... Maybe she'll realize that I can be a way better boy friend than that Dennis bish. I'd kick his balls so hard if he ever tries to hurt Pani-noona. He is so dead if he ever does... Arghhhh...
"Hhhhh! So bored. I am not gonna freaking open that book..." I talked to myself while I slump on my study table. I can't study without Pani-noona. With Pani-noona, it's "elegant beautiful english". With me and this stupid book... It's just frucked up engrish shiz.
"I wonder what noona is doing right now?" I stare at my wall clock... Tick tock tick tock...
"Is noona alone like I am? Or is she going out with that son of a bish..." I stare at my bookshelf...
"Is she okay? Does she miss me like I miss her?" I randomly flip the pages of this porn-
"Hmmm... Maybe I should check on her and go to her house?" I talk to the blonde girl on the magazine who is posing centerfo-
"Uhuh. Go! Right?" I voiced over the girl.
"Thanks Pamela Andereuseon! That's wonderful! I'll go to her place right now! Euhehe! I'll tell her I need her tutoring or I'll fail my tests!" I closed the magazine and ran off my room excitedly. I saw Hayeon-noona sitting in the living room. I tried to carefully sneak out without her noticing. Time to put ninja skillz to the test!
"Oy oy! Where the heck are you going you runt?" Hayeon-noona gave her death glare as I hold on to the door knob. I gulped. I slowly turned to face her. I blinked a few times, trying to form a plausible excuse for myself.
"Ummm... Out?" I pointed innocently outside. She stood up and crossed her arms. Her usually dark and scary aura seeping through my bones... Arrghhhh!
"I'm not dumb Taeyeonnie."
"Really?"
"WHERE ARE YOU GOING!" She opened her eyes at me like there was laser beams coming out. Come on Taengoo, man up!
"Jogging! Bye!" I turned the knob and made a run for it. Hayeon-noona chased me till me got out the gate.
"OY YOU BETTER NOT COME HOME YOU!!! IF ONE OF YOUR FRIEND'S BRING YOU WASTED AGAIN I'LL TELL THEM TO ADOPT YOU ALREADY! KIM TAEYEOOOON!" I heard Hayeon-noona growl. Whatever, I was just running and running. Who says I'm going to drink tonight? I'm checking on my future wife!!!
I took a cab to Pani-noona's place. I miss her so much. I am so freaking desperate at the moment! Arggghhhh!!! I need to catch a glimpse of her! No, I need to talk to her and ask her why the heck is she avoiding me... It's so unfair. I'll fail my tests! When I fail my tests, I won't graduate high school! If I don't graduate high school how will I get to college! What will happen to me and my noona's future together?!? How will I provide for me and noona's children?!? Oh wait... Did I just think of the future? I am so in love with noona, the impossible is happening!
I was dropped off Pani-noona's apartment. I sneaked over the fence and moved in like a robber. I swiftly move to one of the bushes near the window. Oh darnit! The curtains! I can't see noona inside! Should I try knocking? Maybe she'll open up for me anyways! Oh yeah, that's an amazingly brilliant idea! I get out of the bushes and brush off the dirt and leaves on me. I compose myself and head for the front door. Whew! Here I go! Hope noona is at home! Wait a sec...
"Dennis... I love you so much!" It was noona's voice, it was she was crying. At the very moment I just froze as I was about to knock on her door...
"Let me prove to you that I really love you!" She continued crying. Her voice was loud. Don't tell me that bish Dennis is inside!
"I'll do anything please! Please don't break up with me again!"
That's it! I'm going in! That Dennis needs to be taught a valuable lesson! He should never mess with Kim Taeyeon's girl! I'm gonna beat the crap out of this bish!!! Arrghhhhhhhhh!!!
"Please Dennis... I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"
Time stopped. Everything stopped. My heart stopped. After I heard those words from noona... I blinked a few times and I didn't realize I already knocked at the door crazy... Tear fell from my eyes. Suddenly the door opened. It was her. It was noona in front of me. I felt so numb...
"T..Tae? What are you doing here?" She wiped her tears. I looked at her eyes. They were puffy. I wiped the tear rolling down her cheek with my thumb. But I couldn't utter a single word... IT. WAS. DEVASTATING. To hear from the only woman I ever loved my whole life that she wants to be with some jerk over me.
"W...Why are you here?" Noona asked again. I was just quiet. I painfully stared back at her. Mentally giving up... If she loves that jerk, what can I do? I'm just a nobody to her. Oh wait. No, I am somebody to her. She sees me as her freaking brother! We stared at each other for a few moments. I decided to say good bye.
"Noona... Goodby-"
"No Tae. Don't say that... Don't leave me...
I need you here now..."
I was really confused with what I just heard... Was I having one of those freakish nightmares? This is the worst nightmare that ever ever existed! Argghhhhh! Noona pulls me inside her apartment and I just automatically give in. If hadn't noticed by now, I am madly crazy in love. Yeah you get my drift right? No? Okay. Bottom line, it freaking hurts, straight up to the heart, to every nerve! But what the heck! Where's logic when you're in love anyhow? Hhhhhhhhh~
"Stop crying noona." I said while guess what, I was also crying and sobbing my heart out. We both sat on the sofa. She was still embracing me. I know what's coming. Rejection. If not, maybe I'll be another shoulder to cry on... Aish what a complete bummer... And Dennis the great bish is all to blame here. Damn you!!!
"I know I sh.. should. I'm s-sorry Tae." She sobbed. Gosh we're both looking terrible right now... I kiss her hair and rub her back to comfort noona. I have to admit, she still looks so beautiful even though she has tears in her eyes... My heart is breaking over and over... I can't believe this is happening.
"It's okay." I told her. It's not. I know!!! Ugh!!! It's not okay but I love her and if she loves that jerk, what am I to do? What could have I done? I mean where have I been all her life right? That Dennis was there with her while I was going through childhood, adolescence and now early adulthood! Perfect right! But while I was busy growing up here so we could possibly have a shot of being together, he was there breaking noona's heart! I was here... Waiting... Hoping... Dreaming... That one day, me and noona could be... She was the only person who made me feel like I belonged and like someone cared for me... My parents are gone and I'm living with two people who don't even treat me as a brother. She cared for me... She made me feel loved. And no, I am not applying for a brother, I'm a man who wants noona to be happy and I can take care of her!!!
"..." Noona shook her head and pulled away. I smiled at her. I could feel my nose running and it's so wet. I mean my face is all wet and disgusting but I have to smile. I mean we're both crying and miserable, should I break down and make her feel worse than she already is? No way! I gotta cheer her up!
"I'm not crying noona if you're wondering. I... I'm just having a cold. Euhehe!" I am so fake. I know and noona's face says she could read right through me.
"Tae... " She looked at me seriously, trying to stop herself from crying. I don't wanna ask why she is crying because I freaking know why... And I don't wanna hear it...
"Euhehehe~" I wiped my nose and my tears. She gave me an awkward smile. I knew she didn't want to have to deal with a more awkward silence. Noona, please let this be a nightmare... Don't say it... Don't say you're in love with someone else... I can't take it...
"Tae, there's something I have to tell you." Noona held my hand and caressed it. Her hand was soft but it felt cold... I took her hands and kissed them. I didn't know what I was doing. Maybe if noona has a boy friend, maybe that boy friend should try to take care of her because sure damn I will!
"I think I know noona... You know how I feel about you right?" I placed noona's hand on my lap.
"I know. And I know you're serious. The reason why I'm crying is..."
"Because of Dennis right?" I smiled bitterly. I know it's coming, I just hope I don't faint and die on the spot!
"No." Noona looked down. I was confused. Huh? What? What did I just hear? I blinked a couple of times and tried to snap out of my constant thoughts of how she said those painful words behind the door a while ago.
"T-then why are you crying noona?" I squeezed her hand gently and caressed it with my thumb. She wiped her tears and finally looked at me.
"I'm confused." Noona answered as she pulled away. Well, heck, I'm darn confused too...
"About what?" I asked in a gentle tone.
"About me." Okay... I wonder why... I'm getting more confused than ever!
"Oh... Why noona? Do you wanna talk about it?" I inched closer to her. Noona looked at me as if her eyes were begging for me to be by her side. She looks so pretty even though her nose is red and her eyes are puffy from crying.
"We need to talk about it Tae... Dennis-"
"Noona, it's completely as fine as pineapple pie! It's alright! I get it! You love him and don't be confused because I'm here! Because you know what noona? I'm not... I'm leaving..." I cut noona off and let go of her hand I stood up and was about to walk out. It's hard... I can't. I thought I could. But it's the truth. Maybe we can't be... Maybe I'll just let noona think about it...
"Tae. Don't go. I need you here..." Noona held my hand before I could walk away from all this. Hhhhhh~ Does noona need me here to listen to how broken hearted she is with Dennis? Does she need to lecture me about how we can't ever be together and that I should let her be? Does she need me to be the brother who she can lean on right now-
"Tae... Sit down and listen to me." Noona said firmly. I sighed and turned to her.
"I don't wanna listen noona." I told her honestly. It's gonna hurt... So freaking bad!
"Ssh. Sit down baby." I don't know. But when noona called me that... I remember all the happy times we spent together when I was a kid. Before I knew it, I was already seated. Aish, what happened to my grand scheme to just move on with my life and let noona be? Aish dumb Taengoo!
"Listen... I'm confused Tae... Did you know Dennis asked me for a proposal the day before my flight to Seoul?" I shook my head, trying so hard not to look at her.
"Well he did that so I wouldn't leave. He had serious jealousy problems and I knew he was just being immature by trying to make choose between him and my loved ones. It wasn't the first time he did that and I knew it wasn't gonna be the last." I listened to noona. Oh gosh... Don't tell me they're engaged now?!?
"Tae... Just listen alright?" Noona pats my thigh. I just gave a quick nod. Mentally trying to prepare myself for the worst.
"I've been here for a while now. A few weeks and I feel like I belong here... And Dennis has always been contacting me but we always end up in an argument. I love him. That's what I have always thought. And now I don't know what to do..." Noona gets teary eyed again and this is the part where I just can't stand being pissed at her.
"Noona, if you really love him, just have faith in him maybe you can work this out." I just randomly thought of random words and yeah what was I saying? Did I give advice for them to stay together? I wanna jack up myself right now!!!
"That's it Tae. I think I'm losing faith in him... In us... And all I have been doing is trying to convince myself that I still love him and that we can work this out..." Noona continues. Why am I getting happy deep down with what I'm hearing?! Halleluiah- I mean no! I have to make noona feel better! And this is not funny that noona is getting hurt...
"Noona, I know you still love him so just give him more patience?" My advice seemed like a question. What the heck? I don't know anything about relationships! I never had a girl friend before because I've been waiting for noona to come back and yes, how should I know what to do at a time like this... I feel like crap for being clueless and stupid right now.
"You don't have an idea Tae... Yesterday he called me and demanded that I go back to America and he even threatened to break up with me and find another girl. He was being silly again, having jealousy issues whenever I mention you. I guess it was my fault. This is all my fault."
"And why is it your fault noona?" I was so curious to get to the bottom of all this.
"I wanted to believe that we could stay together and make things right. While I was here, I accidentally let something get under my skin..." Whoah noona... Why does that sound so sexy to me? I mean! What? Who? Why? What happened?
"Before I knew it, I realized that I was trying to run away from a lingering feeling inside me... I was lying to myself and lying to Dennis, telling him that I love him when deep down I already know that I don't... My feelings for him decreased for every call and humiliating word he says to me... You were right, he was a jerk. A complete asshole." I was in awe... Then... Why... You mean the stuff I heard at the door were lies?
"Then why were you crying when I got here?" I held noona's hand.
"Because I was confused. We had our last argument and I just felt that it was really gonna be our last. I was crying. He was humiliating and shouting at me again so I couldn't take it. I was so fed up and I let it slip..."
"What noona?" We looked at each other.
"Tae, the reason why I was really crying was that I was afraid that it was real. That I was feeling something that I wasn't supposed to feel and it slipped. I told Dennis the truth by accident and I tried to fix everything but my lies got to him."
"What was the truth noona?"
"I told him that I rather be with an eighteen year old who is willing to wait for thirteen years just to see me again and
that maybe age doesn't matter after all."
"What ?!? You have got to be kidding me!" I unconsciously blurted. I shook my head in disbelief.
"Hmmm... But I thought... I guess-" Noona's face darkened. Way to go Taengoo! Stupid dumbass! Noona just indirectly accepted you!!! She acknowledges your insignificant existence in the world and the possibility of your sick fantasies turning into reality! Grab it! Stroke it while the iron is hot! I mean strike and pounce like a lion! Arrgghhh!
"I mean it's just so amazing noona? Is this for real? Are you my... G-girlfriend?!?" I shakily held her hand. I was so giddy and jumpy! Omomomomomo!!!
"Hmmm... I guess so." Noona gave a cute and shy smile. Fudge. I'm melting. I'm evaporating into an abyss of nothingness! FUUUUUU! This is so freaking wonderful!!! I began to spazz like a five year old toddler who saw optimus prime in the flesh, I mean in the... In the... Metal? The heck. Who cares?! I feel like I reached heaven and higher! Whoah!!!
I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!! AHHHHHHHH!!! Pani-noona is my girl friend, she is my girl friend, I am her boy friend!!! Take that Dennis! Slap it in your gay face! Woooohooooo! Hnnnnnng~ I am so psyched! I can't contain myself any longer! I suddenly let go of her hand, starting to jump up and down for joy! HAHAHA! I know I look like a monkey but I can't help it! I've been waiting all my freaking life for this! Pani-noona stands up and put her hands on my shoulders, trying to calm me down. I stop jumping and stared at her, smiling like a complete idiot. She smiles back and puts her arms around my neck. She kisses my cheek and beams her high voltage eye smiles. I kiss her cheek back and hug her.
"Thank you noona. I know you've been taking care of me since day one, now I'll be the one to take care of from now on! I love you so much~"
"Tae, I love you too..."
Thirteen years ago...
Hmp! This is my first day of school. I am so very very pissed! I hate school! I wanna play all day! Aigoo~ Boring school! Evil teachers! Dumb classmates! Dumb Hayeon-noona! We enter the school and then Hayeon-noona suddenly lets go of me and runs. Huh?! What?! Where did she go?! I start to cry in the middle of nowhere! I hate Hayeon-noona! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! Waaaaaaah~ I cry some more.
Hayeon-noona then came back.
"Let's go!" She excitedly says. I hit her head.
"I don't wanna!" I shout.
"Oy this is embarrassing! Don't hit me in front of my new friend you pabo!" She hits me back. I turn around and see her new friend. OMOMOMOMOMO. Like the pretty angels I see in the children's book. She is so beautiful. Her hair is short and black like Snow White's hair and her skin as white and smooth as Snow White's skin. My eyes widen. She is so beautiful! Ahhhhhhh! I run towards her and hug her! Hayeon-noona pulls me away. Arrrrrrrgggghhh!
"Hey hey hey! What do you think you're doing!" She shouts.
"It's okay Hayeonie, is this your baby brother? He is so cute!" The angel-noona pinched my cheeks. My eyes begin to sparkle as I stare at her face. She smiles at me. I blush! She's so pretty!
"Yeah, I guess he is. Taeyeonie, this is Tippani." I nod.
"Hi Taeyeon! Call me Fany-noona okay?" I nod again. I hold her hand.
"Pani-noona, let's go to class." I tell while continuing to stare at her.
"Oy oy oy! What the?! I'll take you to class okay. Sorry Pani-ah, this is so embarrassing!" Hayeon-noona pulled my hand away from Pani-noona's. I glare at my sister.
"Hahaha! He is so cute!" She kneels in front of me. Why is she so tall? Huhuhu~ She fixes my hair and caress my cheeks. I turn red. Euhehehehe~
"Let's go altogether~" She held my hand and Hayeon-noona held my other hand. We went to my classroom.
I have never seen such a pretty person like her in my whole life! If you compare her to Hayeon-noona, she has won by a gazillion landslide! Plus, she is so nice. Arrrrrgggggghhhh! I don't know what I feel right now. I am so confused! I want to be with her all the time!!! Hnnnnnnng~ Could this be what they call a crush? I have a crush on her!!! Yey! But I want her for myself.
"Hello noona?" I answer my phone. It was my girl friend calling me... Euhehehe~
"Baby, is school done?" She asks. I guess she's on her way now. Euhehehe~ I am silently spazzing deep within. Noona is calling me affectionately with a pet name!
"Yep."
"Ummm... Since it's a Friday and you're doing pretty well in our lessons, you wanna go watch a movie or something? Don't worry, I told Hayeonie you'll be with me." She says sweetly. Of course I smiled to myself. Aish! I know I should be the one asking her out but she beat me to it! Hnnnnnng~ But whatever, I am lucky. It's Pani-noona asking me out you know. Hahaha! WAAAAAAAH~ So sexcited! I mean excite. Excited!
"Euhehe~ Sure noona."
"Okay, I'll be there in... Hmmm... Fifteen minutes? See you baby~"
"See you too! Drive safely!" I excitedly blurted out. I wait for her to hang up. I jump up and down in happiness again. Waaaaaaaah~ This is so ugh!!! But I wish our first date would be special! I then see people looking at me... I hear them whisper...
"Omo... What's happening to him? He is talking to himself..."
"I know right? Not to mention jumping like that... Weird eh?"
I heard those girls giggling and whispering to each other. I was like whatever. Oh! I remember baking some cookies a while ago during my club's activity. What club you ask? Science Club. Yep. I like Science. We are doing a fund raising now so we can have money to go to the newly built city planetarium and they forced me to bake cookies and sell them. What am I? A freaking mascot?! Aigoo~ All of my cookies were sold out. Majority of it was bought by those obnoxious girls in our school. Good thing I reserved the best cookies for my girl friend, I made those with a secret ingredient. Can you guess what? It's called love. Teehee!~ After a while she arrives. I go inside her car.
"Hi baby!" She kisses my cheek. I blush. I'm still new to this stuff. I mean she's my first girl friend you know!
"Hi~" I say shyly. She giggles..
"Awww~ These are for you..." I hand her the heart shaped box, my magical cookies are inside... She takes them and opens the box. She squeals when she saw the cookies I baked. They were shaped like bunnies. She always loved bunnies. Now she loves me. HAHAHAHA!
"Waaaah~ Baby thank you! I'll eat these later!"
"I made them myself... For you..." I said proudly. She kisses me again.
"Thanks! You're so sweet! And these are just the cutest! So what movie do you wanna watch?" She asks while starting the car. I scratch my chin. There are a number of movies coming into mind... Euhehehe~ Ahhhh! But no! I can't watch those with her! I'll probably end up scaring her off again. Hmmmmm...
"You noona, what do you want to watch?"
"Oh there's this one movie I've been wanting to watch! I was supposed to watch it with Hayeonie but she keeps on forgetting about it. Is it okay if we watch a chick flick baby?" She says excitedly and smiles at me. Omo, who am I to say no to this beautiful angel! I nod furiously. Okay, I'm game with whatever she wants!
We arrived at the movie house and bought some popcorn. As a man, I treated her. I bought the tickets, food and the drinks. Hahaha! I don't have any more money! Arrrrrghhhh! Aish whatever. For Pani-noona!
"Let's go in!" She hugs my arm while we enter. We got seated and after a few moments, the movie starts. The movie was a romantic comedy thingy. It was an American one. It was okay. I guess? She was laughing all throughout. Hahaha! She is so cute. I put my arm around her the whole time. Euhehehe~ To keep her warm of course. Things got a little hot for me when there was a make out scene. I gulp and look at her. I mean... You know... She's my girl friend now so... You know... I'm a step closer to making out with her... Problem is, I don't even know how to kiss properly. All I know is a quick peck! Damn! How the heck? Aish!
After the movie, we went to the parking area. She was hugging my arm while we were walking. She was spazzing about the movie too. Haha! She must really like that movie. I was just nodding because I couldn't understand most of it. Before we enter the car I pulled her close to me. Aish! I have to try!
"Noona..." Our bodies were really close. She was looking up to me while I look into her eyes. I gulp.
"Baby?"
"Can I kiss you?" I ask her shyly. She smiles.
"Sure." She closes her eyes. SHIZ! WHAT NOW?! HOW DO I DO THIS?! Arrrrgghhhhh! I close my eyes and pressed my lips against hers. I pull away quickly. She opens her eyes. I guess she was surprised. I scratch my head.
"Sorry noona... I don't know how..." I said honestly. She giggles and puts her arms around my neck, pulling me closer.
"It's okay Tae~ Want me to teach you how?"
HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG~
Not only does she teach me English, she also teaches me how to kiss?!
Who knows what else she'll be teaching me right?!
ASFGAGHSFSGASHASHASGH.