Two weekends after Sirius' birthday celebration and Remus' latest transformation the first quidditch match of the season had finally arrived. And James was less than thrilled. This was unusual for the normally ecstatic quidditch captain and certainly came from his increased anxieties over Peter's first match as an official member of the Gryffindor team. He had been performing adequately in practice, but there was only so much that jerking a broom to the left or right could do for one's skill. Jane was quick to insult his lack of technique and had spoken to James on multiple occasions about replacing him with one of their reserve members.
"Even Bagman would be better than Pettigrew, Potter, and he's a first year. Please see reason." She tried to argue.
"Jane, just give him a chance this match, alright? I promise he'll be great." James said, ruffling his hair in the back and winking at a girl they passed as they walked down the hall.
"I'm going to regret this." She said, but James grinned widely at her, clapping her on the shoulder before taking off to share the good news with Sirius, who would be in the stands performing their tricks as usual on game day.
But James couldn't shake the guilty feeling in his stomach, the anxiety that kept him hardly eating, sleeping, or doing any of the bare essentials required to survive let alone play quidditch. Professor McGonagall noticed his exhaustion after a particularly bad transfiguration lesson where James had managed to lose focus and turn Sirius' hair into a bunch of snakes.
"Potter, as impressive as that bit of transfiguration was, you were supposed to be turning a pin cushion into a porcupine."
James shrugged, gathering his papers without looking McGonogall in the eye.
"Big match this weekend." She said, trying to catch James' attention.
He nodded. "Yeah, it should be good." He said, his voice betraying his lack of confidence.
"Potter, a word of advice if I may."
He sighed, looking in her eyes for the first time that day.
"Part of being a good friend is being honest with the people you care about."
"Even if that honesty will be hard for them to hear?" He asked, acknowledging for the first time to someone other than Sirius Peter's distinct lack of skill.
"Especially then." She replied, causing James to squirm under her stern look. "Good luck Potter. I'm sure you'll lead Gryffindor to victory whatever you decide."
She then turned around moving back to her desk, and James understood that he'd been dismissed. He left the room to find Sirius waiting for him outside.
"Prongs, what was that about?" He asked.
"Nothing, let's get some lunch I'm starving." James replied, avoiding the question.
Sirius nodded, making a note to talk to James alone later when they had more time. Unfortunately, James made a point to avoid being alone with Sirius throughout the day, making excuses to go to the library for a homework assignment and ultimately lying about getting to bed early when Sirius knew he hadn't slept all week. He made his way upstairs to see James lying in his bed, eyes closed, but with the unsteady breathing of someone in deep thought, not rest. He sighed, leaning next to James' bed, and speaking softly. Peter was in the shower, and Remus was vaguely aware of all that had gone on so far and knew better than to interrupt.
"Prongs, I know you're struggling right now, but it's going to be fine. Saturday's going to go off without a hitch, yeah? Try and get some rest tonight." James didn't respond, so Sirius made his way towards his own four poster before a voice spoke up from across the room.
"Thanks Pads." James whispered, a resignation in his tone that made Sirius turn back to him, noting the exhausted look in his eyes.
"I promise, I'll do everything I can for him, ok?"
James nodded before turning back on his side for another sleepless night. Sirius wished there was something he could do, but he knew that for James quidditch was more important than anything else in the world. He couldn't say he understood it, but he respected his commitment to something bigger than himself, a team who he took responsibility for. Sirius had never taken too kindly to responsibility, preferring to look after himself and maybe a few other people. The marauders had been lucky to break through his shell, Sirius having really only let James sneak in throughout those first few years, before realizing that maybe it wasn't so bad to have people to rely on. James, on the other hand, had a nasty habit of closing himself off, not relying on people the way they always relied on him, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. And Sirius just wished he could lift off some of that weight, as James had done for him for so many years. He took Sirius in like a brother when he had nowhere else to go, and now Sirius couldn't even help him with something so simple. If only Peter wasn't so bloody terrible at quidditch, maybe he could have been decent enough to earn his way onto the team without James having to compromise his morals. Sirius could tell it was eating him up inside, and he vowed that he would make Peter shine that Saturday.
The rest of the week passed by far too quickly for James' liking. It felt like the clocks were moving on double time, Saturday coming before he could figure out what he was going to do. Ultimately, he and Sirius had decided that they should try and help Peter out, and finish what they'd started.
"It's only fair to him Prongs, we have convinced him he's a decent player after all."
James had reluctantly agreed, but that gnawing feeling of guilt just wouldn't leave his stomach, especially after his conversation with McGonagall. Maybe it would be better to just tell Peter the truth.
"James, it's time to head out." A voice interrupted his brooding, his co-captain in everything but title.
Jane was his rock when things got tough on the quidditch pitch, but he couldn't bring himself to heed her advice, not in the face of one of his best friend's potential humiliations. Sirius gave him a look and James nodded, making his way towards the pitch with the rest of the team, Peter in tow. Sirius continued picking at his eggs after James and Peter left, talking with Remus a bit about their hopes for the upcoming match.
"I hope Peter does alright." Remus said, expressing his anxiety over their clumsy friend's debut.
"He'll be fine. Prongs has been working with him. And besides our nighttime activities have made him pretty quick on his feet." Sirius said in a low voice to which Remus chuckled.
"I suppose you're right. It doesn't stop me from worrying though, you know me."
"It's going to be fine Moony; I promise." Sirius said sincerely.
Remus nodded, put at ease by Sirius' certainty.
"Well, we best be heading to the pitch, yes?" Remus said.
Sirius nodded before a familiar hand placed itself on his shoulder. He turned behind him to see Marlene shooting him a look. With a flick of her head, he was putty in her hands, making his way with her towards what had become their tapestry.
"You know, I never did get you a birthday present." She whispered.
"Better late than never." Sirius said, leaning in as Marlene closed the distance, grabbing him by the front of his robes to pull him closer.
"Hey! Saved you guys a spot, we're all excited for Peter's big debut." Remus said as Lily approached him on George's arm.
"And by excited you mean terrified?" She quipped, surveying the group before her, which included Remus of course, and her own roommates Alice and Mary. She wondered briefly where Marlene was before shrugging and taking her seat with George next to Remus.
"It's not that we're worried Remus, it's just Peter has never been the most…coordinated of you four." Mary spoke up, shooting him a guilty glance at how easily Lily had read their feelings about the fourth marauder joining the quidditch team.
"Yeah, well I'm sure Potter wouldn't have put him on his team if he hadn't improved." Lily said with a shrug.
Remus looked doubtful at that, while Alice tried to hide her anxious mannerisms.
"Nice pin George." He said, trying to include the new addition in the conversation.
"Thanks, Lily let me borrow it." He said, fingering the pin attached to the front of his robes.
He had agreed to wear the Gryffindor pin in support of his girlfriend's team, although he wasn't too interested in quidditch. But Lily was, as displayed by the way she was covered head to toe in red and gold, and that's all the reason he needed to participate. Before Remus could continue with his awkward attempt at conversation, a loud shuffling noise caught everyone's attention.
"I'm here, sorry, I'm here." Marlene said, as she scrambled over the benches to get to her friends, bowling over a number of first years in her efforts.
"What kept you?" Lily asked curiously.
"None of your business" She said, with a smirk.
"Mar," Lily said, pointing at her own lips with a smile.
Marlene immediately caught her meaning, using the back of her hand to clean up her smudged lipstick.
"Thanks, Lils," she said sheepishly.
"No problem." Lily said leaning into George, who put an arm around her.
"Never fear, professor, your announcer has arrived." Sirius' distinctive voice caught their attention once again as he sauntered across the stands wearing a shit-eating grin, his hair tousled in a haphazard way.
"Oh, Merlin don't make me regret this Black" McGonagall said with a shake of her head.
"Oh, ye of little faith." He said, taking a seat in front of the microphone in the announcer's seat.
He cleared his throat before leaning in.
"GOOD MORNING HOGWARTS!" This greeting was met with thunderous applause, everyone in the school having been anxiously awaiting this match.
"ARE WE READY FOR THE MOST INCREDIBLE", a cheer, "SPECTACULAR", another cheer, "MONUMENTOUS OCCASION OF THE QUIDDITCH SEASON. PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR SLYTHERIN VS GRYFFINDORRRRRRRRR"
The cheers were deafening at that final shout as both teams sailed over the crowd, James doing a handstand on his broom and receiving even more applause as Jane berated him for his lack of focus. He winked at the crowd as he came to a soft landing beside his team at the center of the pitch. Sirius noted the way he kept glancing nervously at Peter on the right side of him, despite his confident façade, and he shot him a reassuring smile which James returned.
"And you know her, you love her, our very own brooms professor and this match's referee, the fabulous MADAME HOOCH!" Sirius continued with his commentary.
The students screamed loudly at that, Hooch rolling her eyes as she moved to the center of the pitch.
"Captains, shake hands."
James stepped forward, taking Mulciber's hand in his, both boys squeezing much harder than was necessary.
"Alright, you know the drill. I want a nice clean match; think we can manage that?" She asked shooting a glance between the two captains whose eyes were locked in a silent battle.
"We certainly can professor." James replied.
"Us too." Mulciber said, his sneer revealing crooked teeth.
"Good, players mount your brooms."
They did so. Hooch moved to the box where she released the snitch first, followed by both bludgers.
"And there go the flying balls, keep an eye on that snitch, last time Taylor thought she saw it and ended up breaking a wrist if I remember correctly." Taylor looked up at him with a roll of her eyes as the crowd laughed. "We should really have more of a safety net for these things Professor."
"Mr. Black, please allow Madame Hooch to begin the match."
"Of course, go on Hooch!" Sirius shouted down to the middle of the pitch.
"Thank you Black I'm glad to receive your permission." She said with a sarcastic lilt.
"On my whistle." And with a shrill tweet the teams took off, Madame Hooch throwing the quaffle in the air, James immediately grabbing it and swerving across the pitch to score Gryffindor's first ten points.
"And we have ten points to Gryffindor scored by chaser and captain James Potter. Off to an ok start there, Prongs, but don't get cocky. Last I checked Susan had you beat in points scored."
James shot him a look, which Sirius returned with an innocent smirk. Sirius noticed a bludger shooting towards the aforementioned chaser who was making her way with the quaffle towards the Slytherin end. Peter was closer than William but was going to overshoot. Sirius subtly pointed his wand at him, drawing him to a quick stop, the bludger bouncing off his bat and towards Mulciber who shot Peter a stare that could rival a basilisk.
"And here we have new addition to the team Peter Pettigrew who can beat a lot more than you'd think." Sirius said.
"MR. BLACK!" McGonagall shouted in a horrified response.
"Anyway, there he goes smashing that big black ball across the pitch." Sirius continued.
"They're called bludgers, Black." McGonagall said through gritted teeth.
"Your word not mine Professor, but between you and me it sounds kind of dirty." He said this in a faux whisper to which he received much laughter from the crowd.
It was at that moment that Sirius caught sight of a disapproving woman sitting on the other side of the pitch with an amused-looking man sitting beside her. He offered an innocent smile to the couple across the pitch, and she smacked the man who had burst out laughing, wagging her finger at Sirius.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Potter, but I'm afraid I can't hear you over the cheers of this crowd isn't that right folks?"
The cheers were interrupted by a loud grunt from the sky. Sirius looked up to see Peter apologizing profusely to James for failing to block the bludger coming near him. James shot Sirius a look to rival that of his mother's, but a loud voice distracted him once again.
"Sirius Orion Black if you cannot commentate appropriately than I will see to it that your position will be revoked."
Sirius smiled across the pitch at James' mother who had used her wand to amplify her voice. He couldn't help but get distracted again, catching sight of the bludger Peter was aiming for just in time to give him a little help. But he couldn't help but hear the scolding tone from his surrogate mother and note how much warmth it held even when berating him. The love in that voice was unparalleled, and Sirius didn't realize it was possible to yell at someone with any amount of love in your tone. This latest distraction kept Sirius from reacting in time to correct Peter's course, and he ended up smashing into the third Gryffindor chaser Olivia, causing her to drop the quaffle. Slytherin chaser Michael Davies scooped it right up, easily shooting past Walsh who was distracted yelling at Peter for his blunder and didn't manage to block the goal in time.
"And that's 10 points to Slytherin. Let's keep our heads everyone."
But Sirius' distractions were just beginning. He was managing to keep Peter playing decently, stopping him from any major mistakes and even helping him hit a ball or two at the opposing team now and again, when a certain blonde-haired girl two rows in front of him sent a careless wink his way.
This was when Peter managed to hit the bludger towards Jane who had to duck to avoid it, leading to Avery sending another goal through.
"Mr. Black, would you please stop shooting doe eyes at Miss McKinnon and announce the most recent scoring change."
Sirius cleared his throat. "Oh, yes, 10 points to Gryffindor!" He shouted gleefully to which McGonogall shot him a furious look and he looked up to see the Slytherin team was the one celebrating while Peter was berated, and his eyes widened.
"Right, um… ten points for Slytherin then." He said, adding the score to the board.
Marlene began to take great pleasure in distracting Sirius throughout the match, to his chagrin, and Peter's misfortune. A toss of the hair, a bat of her eyes, and Sirius was a goner, stopping midsentence and before he had time to fix it, noticing Peter's latest blunder.
"Damn it Wormtail." Sirius muttered under his breath. "Marlene, darling, as amusing as this little game is."
Another loud boo came from the crowd as Peter nearly fell off his broom.
"I really need to focus on the match."
Marlene huffed, not looking at Sirius for the rest of the game. He swore under his breath something about Peter owing him a thousand galleons before he jumped back into his commentary.
"And another ten points goes to Slytherin. But what do we have here, our very own James Potter rushing across the pitch. He's dodging, he's weaving, and he makes it to the other side where he scores! 10 more points to Gryffindor."
With James' most recent goal Gryffindor was still behind by ten points, but before long with Sirius' full attention on Peter and William taking the brunt of the beater work Gryffindor was ahead again, Susan scoring three more goals, while James added five of his own to the board. James was starting to relax again. So long as he could keep scoring, they had a chance to win this thing, and so long as Sirius didn't let himself get distracted anymore.
"And it looks as though the Slytherin seeker has caught sight of the snitch. OI REGGIE WATCH OUT!" Regulus Black, the Slytherin seeker, quickly pulled up at the sound of his brother's warning, nearly crashing at the speed of which he had to stop. Meanwhile, Ellie Taylor kept zooming after the snitch. "Oops thought I saw a bludger aimed your way, my bad should have remembered Wormtail can't aim for shit. But Taylor has a significant lead now."
A whistle interrupted the commentary this time. "Oh, come on Madame it was just a laugh!" Sirius tried to argue.
"Penalty to Slytherin. Mr. Black, your commentary is meant to be informative not distracting."
Sirius shrugged, eyes trying to meet Regulus', but being firmly ignored in favor of something else. He glanced to the other side of the pitch again where Regulus' eyes were trained and caught sight of a familiar looking couple. Hair slicked black, dressed in their best robes with not even a mild Slytherin pin to distinguish them from the crowd. Sirius never would have noticed them in the group if it weren't for Regulus' keen eye, mostly because he didn't want to.
"Mr. Black." McGonagall's voice broke him out of his trance, and he turned back to the match noticing the Slytherins cheering again.
"And the Slytherins make the penalty throw, honestly Walsh I'm going to start throwing dishes at your head to get your reflexes up to par."
She shot him a murderous look and he put his hands up in self-defense. His eyes were on the match, but his mind was on the couple across the pitch and the brother who hadn't had the decency to warn him. But of course, they would be here. There was no way they'd miss their baby boy's big game. A loud groan from the Gryffindor side broke Sirius out of his own mind once again. He looked up to see James cursing furiously shooting angry glances at both Peter and Sirius and then falling to berating himself as if not sure who to blame.
"And chaser James Potter drops the quaffle, but Susan Zeller proves my point by stealing the thing and scoring another ten points for Gryffindor! Honestly Susan may as well be captain at this rate."
James shot him a look and Sirius replied with an innocent smile. He knew that he had to focus, for Prongs. Prongs was his family now, not the people across the pitch, not even the boy playing in green in the very same match. He took a deep breath watching as the Gryffindor chasers played as a perfect unit scoring goal after goal. Peter was struggling to keep up, the match dragging on far longer than he'd anticipated. Meanwhile the Slytherins had hit a clear dry spot, not scoring a single goal since their penalty nearly twenty minutes earlier. And in that time Gryffindor had managed to move their score almost out of snitch range. It would take a miracle for them to catch up at this point.
"Oh, and chaser James Potter misses Susan's throw once again. You know maybe if he wasn't hogging the bathroom this morning his karma wouldn't be so bad." Sirius said.
"Mr. Black please just get back to the match." McGonagall spoke up for what felt like the millionth time.
"Come on Professor this is what the people want to hear, behind the scenes so to speak. Oh, and James Potter with the red ball moving towards the goal and BLOCKED by Slytherin keeper Dolohov. Honestly, Prongs I should pencil you in for breakfast time reflex sessions with Walsh over there."
James raised a distinctive finger at Sirius from his broom
"Now, that was not very ladylike unlike Mulciber over there who may as well be wearing a skirt."
"Mr. Black if you are not going to announce the game..."
"You didn't let me finish professor. I was going to comment very effectively on Mulciber's clear failure to score a single goal indicating that maybe Slytherin's boys only rule is finally catching up to them. Oh, and proving my point we've got Susan Zeller of Gryffindor throwing in two more goals, scoring more points than James has women."
"Mr. Black,"
"And here the aforementioned man of mystery himself James Potter moving towards the...WOAH LOOK OUT PRONGS!"
All James saw was black after that comment. He woke up in the hospital wing with a pounding headache, surrounded by his teammates, and noting a particularly guilty looking Peter in the back corner. Sirius and Remus stood next to him both looking relieved the minute James' eyes opened.
"You alright mate? You took quite a hit." Sirius spoke up first from his bedside.
"Yeah, I'm fine. What happened?" James asked, surprised at the croak in his voice.
"Nasty bludger took you out before you could score." Remus said.
"Yeah, no shit Moony, I mean with the match." He said.
Remus glanced at the other boys before speaking up again.
"Regulus caught the snitch right after you went down. Gryffindor lost 190-180."
"So, the snitch clinched it?" James asked.
"Yeah but..." Remus tried to argue.
"But if I had just managed three more goals before he caught it." He said.
"It wasn't long after James." Remus said again, ever the voice of reason.
"How long?" He asked.
"Five minutes but…"
"Damn it!" James shouted, interrupting him.
He knew that he could have scored at least three goals in that time, and then the snitch wouldn't have made a difference. But Gryffindor was left with a chaser down, all because Peter had no clue how to keep a goddamn bludger out of James' way if the guilty way he kept looking at him was any indication. Before they could try and reassure him Madame Pomfrey was on the group like a hawk.
"Alright, that's enough. This is a hospital, and this boy needs to rest, so all of you out! Out!"
Sirius tried to protest, but Pomfrey turned to him.
"Yes, even you Mr. Black get going. Honestly."
A knock at the open door alerted Madame Pomfrey as the students grumbled making their way out of the room.
"I hope that we're allowed to at least check on him Poppy." A charming voice spoke up flirtatiously from the doorway.
"Fleamont Potter." Pomfrey stated in a tone James had never heard her use before, voice at least an octave higher than it normally was. "Oh, well I suppose…"
"We just wanted to give him some emotional support, as I know his physical health is in the best hands with the greatest healer England has to offer."
Pomfrey blushed a deep red at that, looking down at her shoes and back up at Fleamont, obviously very flustered.
"Well, I suppose, seeing as you are his parents, I can't exactly stop you. Go on, stay as long as you like."
She smoothed out imaginary wrinkles in her dress before moving towards her office, shooting glances back at Fleamont who smiled back at her while Euphemia shot him a glare that made him readjust his behavior quickly.
"Son, how are you?" He turned to James who couldn't suppress his grin at the interaction before remembering exactly why his parents were visiting him in the hospital wing.
"Lousy." He said honestly, his father shooting him a sympathetic look.
"No one can be on their game all the time, son. We're just glad you weren't seriously hurt. Quidditch is dangerous after all."
"I've been saying it for years. The complete lack of safety measures, we're lucky you don't have permanent brain damage or a missing limb or…"
"Your mother's been reading too much Witch Weekly. Those stories are all rubbish sweetheart. Any real quidditch player has been hit by a bludger or two. It just means our boy's a professional." He sent James a wink, but James avoided his father's eye.
He wouldn't be so proud if he knew what James had done to keep his team afloat at the expense of his honor. There's a reason he got hit by that bludger and it wasn't because of a rite of passage. If karma existed James was swimming in the rotten end of the pool.
"Well, we're glad we got to see you sweetheart. We'll let you rest." Euphemia had noticed her son's sullen expression and devised that he would prefer to be left alone.
Fleamont glanced at her, reading the explanation in her eyes, and glancing back to his son looking so defeated on his hospital bed.
"Yeah, alright. Try and rest up son. You'll get them next time."
He smiled, offering James a supportive pat on the shoulder which James tried to accept gratefully. He only managed to grimace as his parents left him, discussing in hushed whispers their concerns. He thought he might actually get some peace and quiet when the sound of footsteps caught his attention again, and he turned to see Jane standing above him, a stern but pitying look across her face.
"James, I know you're still hurt, but we need to talk." She said, cutting right to the point.
James sighed.
"Look, it wasn't the best match." He tried to start, but she cut him off.
"No, it wasn't. I'm not blaming you. We should have spent more time working with Ellie. She's seeker and if she had caught the snitch, we wouldn't have lost, but you and I both know that we were spending a lot more time getting our new beater up to scratch. I saw you looking at him the whole match. He's a distraction, you need to tell him he's off the team."
James paused, knowing in his heart that she was right, but just picturing Peter's face as he found out and feeling a stone sinking deep into his stomach.
"I'll talk to him this week." He tried to delay it, but Jane would not back down.
"You'll talk to him tomorrow, first thing."
James nodded, her insistence eliciting a gulp from him as she turned around, leaving him alone in the hospital wing. He hadn't thought much of Peter when they'd first met, a timid boy that Remus had befriended early on. And Remus was clever and interesting, so he trusted his judgement and let Peter pal around with them. And his instincts had been right; Peter had proved himself to be a valuable friend, an asset to their pranks although he was never the brains behind the operation. He was loyal and quiet and didn't argue like Remus sometimes did. He gave James moral permission to do as he pleased, and James admired that about the kid. Not only that but he was funny in his own way and unceasingly kind, supporting the group of them no matter what, always willing to help and do anything to help them, as they would do for him. That was friendship.
And now James had to face the music, and crush one of his best friend's dreams. And he hated himself for that. He spent a restless night in the hospital wing, tossing and turning, waking up to Madame Pomfrey insisting that he stay throughout most of Sunday to make sure his head had fully healed from the concussion he had surely received. He didn't complain, asking her if she could keep visitors away so that he would have an excuse to think longer about exactly what he was going to say. Pomfrey was surprised, not used to having to argue against visitors in favor of the patient's wishes but took on the responsibility without question. James was finally released following dinner, making his way to the common room on shaky legs where Sirius and Remus were sitting by the fire playing a game of wizard's chess. Well, Remus was playing, Sirius was having a fun time angering his chess pieces by constantly putting them in varying states of danger.
"No! Can't you see he's going to take me down if you move me there, what is wrong with you man?"
"Knight to E-5." Sirius repeated with a smirk as Remus rolled his eyes when it was his turn once more.
"Rook to E-5." He said, shaking his head but smiling all the same while Sirius laughed at the furious swears coming at him from his chess piece.
"You know this game is no fun with you." Remus said, although he was clearly amused.
"Oh, come on Moony I've got you right where I want you. It's strategy."
"Prongs," Remus said, catching sight of James watching the two of them with an amused grin on his own face.
"Hey Moony, have you seen Wormtail?" James wanted to get it over with. Remus' face grew stoic as he quickly figured out the subtext of James' words.
"He's upstairs."
James nodded, moving past them, Sirius shrugging with a sad smile as if to say, "we tried."
"Peter, we need to talk." James said, cutting right to the point.
Peter looked up, his nervous expression overtaken by an unfamiliar one on the boy, determination.
"Prongs, look I know that this match didn't go well." He tried to argue in his favor.
"Wormtail," James tried to interrupt again.
"But I swear I'll get better." Peter said once more.
"No, you won't!" James nearly shouted, before noticing Peter's jump and reigning in his temper. "Wormtail, we both know this isn't working out." He silently implored Peter to see reason, but Peter kept going.
"James, please, I promise you next match I'll be better." He said.
"How? Practice hasn't exactly helped you so far Wormy." James replied.
"Yes, it has. I was just nervous this time." Peter tried to argue more.
"That wasn't the problem." James said.
"James, I mean it I can do this, if you just give me one more chance." Peter tried again.
"I gave you a chance Wormtail, and then another one and another one, and you choked. I have a team to run." James said, his temper getting the better of him once again at Peter's lack of understanding.
Peter looked as if he was about to cry, before his face morphed into an ugly anger, which looked strange on the typically timid boy.
"I thought you were my friend." Peter said, which infuriated James even more.
"God damnit, Wormtail I put my neck on the line for you. What do you call that? I tried so hard to help you." He was shouting again, but Peter wasn't backing down this time.
"Prongs, I've already gotten better, I can keep improving." He said, a pleading look in his eyes this time.
"You didn't get better Wormy." James said, almost under his breath, but Peter heard him.
"What?" He asked.
"Never mind." James said.
"I did. My second tryout was so much better." He tried to argue.
"Because Padfoot was in the stands controlling your broom! Don't you see Wormtail? You're no good at anything, least of all quidditch."
Peter was stunned into silence. James' eyes went wide, realizing what he said.
"Peter, I…"
"No, it's fine. You're right. I'm going to…um…take a shower." Peter snuck past James, voice choking up with tears while James stood still, unable to process what had happened.
James left the dorm shortly after their confrontation, pulling on his cloak and sneaking through the common room. Remus and Sirius noticed the door opening by itself and glanced between each other but decided it would be better if they let him work it out on his own for now. He proceeded to wander around the castle grounds until around midnight when he made his way back to the common room, sure it would be cleared out by then. He was glad for the time to be alone with his thoughts, meaning to berate himself for how cruel he'd been to Peter. Poor Peter, the person who he cared so much for, lying in his four poster with James' words echoing in his head. He was just about to start in on a whole new cycle of self-hatred when the sound of footsteps approaching caught him off guard. He looked up to see none other than Lily Evans making her way down the stairs.
"Potter, you're back." She made her way to a table across the room, grabbing a book James guessed she'd forgotten when she went up to bed. "I figured you'd be off charming some robes or something to take your mind off things."
"I haven't exactly earned that right tonight." James said bitterly, staring into the dying embers of the fireplace.
"The big quidditch hero showing humility?" Lily asked, trying to break into the easy banter that so defined the little relationship the two tended to have.
"Some hero." James scoffed.
"Hey," Lily sat next to him, catching his attention. "You got hit in the head by a bludger. You could've died Potter; no one said quidditch was easy"
"But it should be for me. I should've seen it coming, avoided it." James stood up in his frustration beginning to pace back and forth. "If I can't be at my best every single match then I don't deserve to be out there, let alone captain." He finished, a defeated look overtaking him.
Lily sat shocked by this uncharacteristic outburst before she found herself speaking up in his defense, to her great surprise.
"Come on Potter you've earned your spot a thousand times over." Lily said, unsure how to handle a James Potter who didn't believe that he deserved to be out on that pitch with the best of them.
For all his flaws James was the best quidditch player Hogwarts had seen in a long time. He was responsible for whipping their team into shape, for getting Gryffindor to the place it had been for the past three years. But he looked back at her with that same look of deflated resignation.
"I haven't earned anything. We're only as good as our losses." He turned to the fire again, eyes a million miles away.
And Lily knew that he wasn't telling her something, not that she expected him to. They weren't friends and it really wasn't any of her business, but she couldn't help but wonder what had convinced James Potter so certainly that he was solely responsible for the loss today.
"I need to look over the roster, find a new beater, change all the plays."
A new beater? She realized James hadn't meant to let that slip when he glanced at her and sighed.
"Keep that quiet for now, would you Evans?" He asked, more pleading than she would have expected.
She quickly realized what was tearing James apart so, the fact that Peter Pettigrew had not performed well in today's match. And he was faced with the unfortunate task of replacing one of his best friends. Lily was surprised that he cared for the boy's feelings this much, as she had always seen Peter as a lackey, someone for James and Sirius to tease and exploit when they were bored. But here he was sitting in front of her with a look of immense guilt that she couldn't ignore.
"What you need right now is to relax." She said, motioning to the chair to try and ease him into a sitting position again.
He smiled at her, but the expression didn't meet his eyes.
"I appreciate the sentiment Evans, but I don't have time. You should get some sleep. I'm going to be up for a while."
Lily paused for a moment, but slowly nodded, leaving James alone once again as she made her way to her dormitory. He sighed in relief, taking the seat she'd offered him and beginning to scribble on a piece of parchment as he crafted new plays for Alex Harding, the burly sixth year who would be replacing Peter starting tomorrow. He'd had a fantastic tryout, and James was fully prepared to offer him the position the next day, get the team sorted out.
He grew distracted again when he heard footsteps approaching once more. He rolled his eyes, not even looking up at his friend who he was sure had come down to check on him.
"I'm really not in the mood to talk about it Padfoot." James said, scribbling at his papers, and turning to see…not Sirius but Lily holding a blanket and two cups in her hands as she approached him once again.
He watched her in wonder as she used her wand to stoke the fire, grabbing the kettle that sat next to the fire and whispering "Aguementi".
"What's this?" James finally broke out of his confusion to ask.
She glanced at him, still busying herself with the kettle and teacups, placing leaves in both of them, but spoke up:
"If you're going to be up all night, you're going to need energy. My mother always says there's nothing that a good cup of tea can't fix."
"Mine too." James nearly whispered as the water comes to a boil, Lily pouring it into both cups and handing one to James, covering the both of them with the large blanket that managed to stretch across the chairs which were fairly close to one another.
They sat in silence for a moment sipping their tea before Lily broke the silence once again.
"You know after you fell Mulciber was laughing like a pig, snorting and everything."
"Thanks Evans that makes me feel loads better." James said, assuming she'd just come down to rub his nose in things and turning back to his papers so he could get some work done.
"I haven't finished." He turned back to Lily, giving her his full attention. "He was laughing so hard that he didn't notice the rest of your team flying past him. He lost his footing and was stuck holding onto the end of his broom until Avery could pull him back up."
By the end of the story, she was smiling widely and James was howling, laughing so hard Lily had to shush him for fear he would wake the whole of Gryffindor tower.
"I wish I could've seen that." He said in between chuckles, his laughter finally dying down.
"Well, why do you think I brought it up?" Lily asked, to which James raised a curious eyebrow. "Marlene took a picture." She said with a wide smile once again, pulling out an image of Mulciber falling off the edge of his broom and hanging on over and over again.
James' infectious laughter filled the room, Lily finding herself drawn by some unknown force to join him. She watched the light return to his hazel eyes as he held the stitch in his side like it was killing him, but she knew that laughter was the one thing that kept him alive. As he began to breath regularly again James took down the rest of his tea in one gulp, invigorated by a mischievous thought clearly held in the back of his mind.
"Do you mind if I hold onto this?" He asked her, that glint in his eye betraying a plan that Lily found herself wanting to be a part of for the first time in her days with this boy.
"Yeah sure." She handed it over without a second thought, before asking quickly. "What are you up to?"
"Why do I always have to be up to something?" He asked, a goofy grin on his face as he picked his cloak up from the floor beside him and pulled it over his shoulders. She watched in fascination as his body disappeared, something she hadn't witnessed since the day she'd first found out about Potter's cloak so many years before. "Goodnight Evans." He said, moving to cover his head before turning back to her one last time. "And thanks, really."
She nodded, watching as he headed out of the common room at nearly two in the morning, off to make trouble, she was sure. And for once she felt as if she could approve of it, if only it made the terrifyingly angry and somber boy, she had seen at the beginning of the night disappear to be replaced by the fun-loving James Potter she knew. But she couldn't help but think of that side of him, the side she'd never seen, and wonder how much more there was to James Potter.
"Good night Potter." She whispered, although she knew he was already long gone, as she put out the fire with her wand and headed back up to her dormitory.