Hello everyone! I'm so sorry about the late update. Finals have been kicking my butt, but I will be finished this week and will have a lot more time to write this summer. Thanks to everyone who's been sticking with this story. I really appreciate feedback so feel free to leave reviews about what you think of this chapter!
Lily woke up that morning to a very familiar rapping on her window. She opened it eagerly, having grown fond of George's morning notes. His owl landed with a light hoot, delivering the letter to which Lily gave him a treat which she had started keeping by her bed. He hooted back at her gratefully, taking off into the morning sky towards the owlery once more.
Quote for today: "Thinking of you keeps me awake. Dreaming of you keeps me asleep. Being with you keeps me alive." -Unknown
She smiled gratefully, stretching with a big yawn as she pulled herself out of bed, Marlene covering herself with her blanket at the loud noise.
"Come on Evans it's too early for this."
"Marlene, it's 8:30 in the morning and we have class in a half hour, so get your lazy butt out of bed." Lily said with a huff as Mary snickered from her own four poster.
"Where's Susan?" Lily asked, used to Alice's early nature, but not used to their fifth member being missing so early even on a school day,
"Early morning quidditch practice remember? After that latest match they better be practicing their arses off." Marlene said to which Lily rolled her eyes.
"Oh, come on don't be so hard on them. We did well all things considered."
"Yeah, and I guess now that Pettigrew's off the team things should be back to normal." Mary replied to which Lily felt a strange sensation in her stomach.
"Yeah, right." She said, before checking her watch again. "I better head down if I want to see George at all before class." She said, making her way downstairs to the hoots and hollers of her roommates.
James returned from quidditch practice to grab his school robes before his roommates had even woken up for the day as usual. He glanced over at Peter's bed to see if he had somehow returned in the hour and a half since James left, but was disappointed to find that it was empty yet again. He hadn't been sleeping in their room since James' outburst, and had been deliberately avoiding James and Sirius whenever he could. James was sure that Remus had given him the password to the Prefects' lounge, and that was how he'd been sleeping apart from them for so many nights. He would never admit it, but he found himself missing Peter after the first few days. He missed his timid suggestions, his laughter at James and Sirius' antics, his doting manner and shy bursts of pride when he did something right. There was a hole in the four friends that they had never considered possible before, Peter being so ever-present in their group, and not really having the backbone to ever fight with anyone of them.
"Wormy still not back?" Sirius asked, reading James' thoughts as usual.
"No," He sighed, "I just figured he'd have forgiven us by now."
"You really hurt him Prongs." Remus spoke up from his own four poster.
James didn't look his way. He just said: "Yeah, I know." With resignation in his tone.
"Can you at least get him to talk to me Moony? I really just want to smooth this thing out, get back to normal."
He looked at Remus with pleading eyes, and as usual Remus relented. Besides, he wanted things to get back to normal too. It wasn't good for any of them when they fought, and he knew that only being able to rely on Remus had been really hard on Peter.
"Yeah, I'll handle it. He'll forgive you James, he always does."
James smiled at that. "Thanks Moony, I owe you one."
"Well, on that note, I'm going to take a shower." Sirius replied.
"No Padfoot, I just got back from practice come on!"
"Well, that's what you get for getting up early." Sirius laughed as James tried to grab him, jumping nimbly over their beds, slamming and locking the bathroom door before James could put up much of a fight. He groaned, turning to Remus who just laughed at Sirius' antics.
The group of three made their way down to breakfast, James scowling at Sirius the whole way. They caught sight of Peter chewing on a piece of toast while reading a copy of the Daily Prophet. James looked over his shoulder, catching the headline:
Muggle Family Missing: You-Know-Who's Involvement Suspected
"Damn it, another one?" James said, startling Peter who jumped out of his seat at the sudden noise.
James put his hands up in a gesture of surrender.
"I'm not here to fight Peter. I just want to talk." Peter glanced at Remus who shot him a look that said: "hear him out." And he sighed, scratching his head before nodding.
"Wormtail, I don't like it when we fight. And I know that what I said was really horrible, but I really think that you've been overreacting."
Remus coughed, but James ignored the clear warning.
"Overreacting?" Peter said, a hint of annoyance in his tone.
"Come on Wormy, we were just trying to help you after all." Remus elbowed Sirius in the ribs as he tried to butt in. "Ow, come on Moony it's true. Wormy shouldn't be pouting about Prongs and I trying to get him some positive attention for once in his life. Ow!" Remus elbowed him again leveling him with an intense glare.
Peter looked like he might cry from rage, and before he could let his emotions get the best of him, or James and Sirius could try and flub through another half-hearted apology he shoved past them making his way towards transfiguration. Sirius shrugged at James, who shrugged back, looking puzzled. Remus slapped his forehead before muttering something that sounded like "idiots" under his breath and taking off after Peter.
Lily and George were kissing in the back of the library, guarded by stacks of lengthy books on advanced magical theory which were hardly touched, particularly right before morning classes. The sound of the warning bell made Lily pull away, laughing as George pouted and tried to pull her back.
"Come on George, I have transfiguration, and you have herbology."
George scoffed.
"Herbology is hardly as interesting as anatomy." He whispered it with a suggestive tone, eliciting a deep red blush from Lily's cheeks.
"I suppose not." She pulled him in for another kiss when the sound of someone clearing their throat broke the two up in an instant.
"I believe the two of you have classes to get to, am I correct?" Madame Pince asked with a stern frown across her normally not unkind features (at least where Lily and George were concerned).
"Yes, right. Sorry Madame." George said, glancing at Lily and taking off, her following close behind.
The two of them giggled all the way while Madame Pince muttered about "teenagers" and "two prefects no less." They made it to the main entrance first, George leaving out the door to get to herbology on the lawn. Lily gave him one last kiss before watching him take off. She tried to fix her smudged lipstick best she could as she waltzed to transfiguration in a romantic stupor, mind full of thoughts of George. She didn't even notice when Professor McGonagall kept shooting her worried looks throughout class. Nor did she notice that Peter was sitting across the room from the rest of his friends, which elicited whispered rumors and theories among the rest of her classmates. She hardly noticed when James Potter kept trying to grab Peter's attention from across the room, only slightly annoyed by how loud he was being, but not laughing along with Mary and Marlene when he received detention and Peter didn't even shoot him a passing glance. Were they really still on such bad terms?
But this thought barely crossed her mind as her head was filled with thoughts of George, his lips which tasted like spearmint and chocolate, his wavy blonde hair and brown eyes which she constantly got lost in. She could only think of George's kind heart, the way he furrowed his brow when he was solving a problem and smiled so softly and rarely that if you didn't know his smile you might miss it. He had a very straight face, besides the moments when he was with Lily. Those were the moments when she caught him smiling most of all.
"Miss Evans?" She looked up, broken out of her daydream by McGonagall, looking around to realize that the lesson was over. She had been thinking about George for the better part of an hour and hadn't absorbed anything McGonagall had been saying. Damn it, she was going to have to get the notes from Remus at lunch, but for now she had to cover for herself, explain what had been so important that she hadn't bothered paying attention to the lesson as McGonagall was obviously going to ask her.
She gulped before saying: "Yes, Professor?"
"Miss Evans, we received a letter this morning from the muggle post."
"My sister?" That hadn't been what she was expecting to hear, but it made sense. Her parents always sent their letters or packages with instructions to have a school owl deliver it so that Lily didn't miss out on the tradition of the mail at breakfast. Only Petunia would be so stupid or insensitive to try and send her a letter to Hogwarts through the muggle post.
McGonagall nodded, confirming Lily's suspicions, but her face was devoid of its usual sternness or even the occasional smile. In fact, her face looked particularly…sad, which Lily didn't know what to make of. She was ready for a lecture, not whatever this particular emotion suggested. She took a deep breath, before handing an unopened letter to Lily, holding a separate opened letter in her hand.
"Miss Evans, this letter is for you. We received a separate letter to explain the situation."
"Situation?"
"Yes, well, if you would just read the letter, I'm sure your sister explained it in more delicate terms."
Lily nodded, ripping the letter open and scanning it, growing more and more horrified with the impact of each word. The sting of fresh tears disturbed her, as she felt her emotions spiraling out of control.
"Miss Evans…Lily. I am here for you if you need anything."
Lily didn't know how to respond to this, so she did her best to pull the switch on the emotions threatening to overwhelm her, allowing the feeling of numbness to replace it. She drew on her years of ignoring Petunia's mocking words and glares, Snape and his friends' jeers at her blood status, her boiling anger whenever James Potter entered a room, and cut her emotions off like a string.
"Yes, thank you Professor, I'll be fine."
McGonagall moved as if she was going to try and comfort her more, but Lily stood up before she could, avoiding her eyes.
"I've got to meet George for lunch. I'll see you in class Thursday." And without glancing back Lily quickly made her way out of the room.
She wasn't lying about meeting George for lunch. They had made plans to eat together in the library, study a little bit, maybe share a few kisses in the stacks before afternoon classes. But Lily didn't bring any food as they'd planned. The numbness unfortunately extended to her organs, and she really didn't feel like eating anything. She caught George's eye as he beamed at her pulling her in for a light kiss.
He pulled away with a lovestruck smile before noticing the tight grimace that Lily was trying to pass off as joy across her face: "Hey, what's the matter?" He asked, noticing that something was off immediately.
"Nothing." Lily replied, trying and failing to force her non-smile to look more natural.
"Hey, talk to me. What's happened?" George asked, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, and staring into her eyes intently as if within them was a puzzle that he could solve if he just stared hard enough.
"I really don't want to talk about it." She said, the noise in her head growing ever louder as George continued to insist.
"Lily, I want to help. Please just tell me what's wrong."
"George, I don't want to talk to you about this, can we please just study like we planned?"
She wasn't prepared, wasn't ready to admit what had happened. She wasn't ready to consider the fact that…no she couldn't even go there. But George was not backing down.
"Lily, I…"
"George, I mean it just leave me be!" Lily shouted, this outburst catching George thoroughly off guard.
Lily looked at him sternly and he shied away, looking embarrassed and fragile. But she was supposed to be the fragile one. It was Lily, not George who had lost everything.
"I'm going to head to class early. See you at dinner." Lily said, not looking back as she stalked out of the library, ducking into an empty hallway.
She read over the letter over and over again, the words cracking through the wall she had so carefully constructed, which had kept her sane through her brief interaction with George and McGonagall but could not hold back the floodgates for long. She read the letter which confirmed her worst fears of the last three years spent at Hogwarts as tensions had continued to rise to the point where even her best friend had turned against her. She read over the letter one more time before finally bursting into tears, hidden away from anyone and everyone, comfort a luxury that she did not deserve.
James was running late, far later than usual. He kept glancing at his watch muttering:
"Damn it Padfoot."
After Sirius had stolen the shower following morning quidditch practice no less, which was really unfair if you asked James, he had decided to take his shower after transfiguration in the morning. In his hurry he cut through a lesser used hallway, which he knew led to a short cut to the charms classroom, but he paused immediately when he saw the normally abandoned hallway occupied. He nearly turned back when he saw who was sitting in that hallway, assuming she wouldn't want him around. James nearly turned around when he saw Lily Evans, the strongest woman he'd ever known, sitting on the floor crying softly into her hands. But he heard her silent sobs, desperate as if she was running out of air, and he got down on his knees, reaching out for her before pulling back and settling for a question.
"Evans, what's wrong?"
She looked up from her hands in surprise, having not expected anyone to find her here. She had an eye on her watch and knew that she had a few more minutes of crying before she had to clean herself up and head to charms as if nothing had happened. Another couple hours of class before she had to face George and admit the reality of what had happened to someone other than herself, changing their relationship forever. She had no idea how he'd react, and here was James Potter, as usual with his terrible timing. And yet, his voice was soft, concerned, laced with empathy that she had never heard from him, least of all when addressing her. But she knew it must be an act, just another excuse to get her interested, so she responded as she always did.
"Nothing's wrong Potter just go away."
He paused for a moment, considering it, but she had been there for him when he'd needed someone to talk to, so he felt the need to return the favor.
"I'll leave if that's what you want, but I'm here for you if you need to talk."
Lily looked up at him, disbelieving. This sensitive boy kneeling on the floor before her couldn't be the same boy who'd asked her out countless times, always embarrassing her in front of a crowd. She wiped her eyes and answered carefully not wanting to give too much away.
"It's nothing I can't handle."
"Doesn't mean it won't help to talk about it."
She bit her lip to calm its incessant quivering, glancing down at the letter in her hand, before looking back to James. His hazel eyes held no malice, not a hint of mischief. She silently slid the letter across the floor to where he stayed, still kneeling. There were spots in the ink where her tears had fallen.
Lily,
There's been a terrible accident here at home. Mother and Father were out for a drive and it was rainy. They didn't make it. The funeral will be held this weekend if you would like to attend, the 14th at 3 PM. Please be certain to come by train, I'll compensate you, but the house will be crawling with guests the next few days and I don't need you doing any of your freaky "popping" in and out. If you can't make it to the funeral, please make sure to come back within the next few weeks. We need to get the will settled.
Sincerely,
Petunia
"Petunia's your sister, right? The muggle?"
Lily looked surprised for a moment but realized James has been crushing on her for years now, and she hasn't exactly kept Petunia a secret. She nodded in answer to his question. James hesitated, before putting a cautious arm around her shoulders. To his surprise Lily leaned into the touch, silent tears still streaking down her face. James, unable to sit in silence spoke up again.
"You know, Pete's father died this summer. He's been really broken up about it."
Lily didn't respond, just staring straight ahead, blank.
"That's a big part of why I did what I did for him. They say he was helping to fight You-Know-Who."
At those words Lily let out another great heaving sob.
"Hey, just breath alright? It's, it's ok."
James just held Lily awkwardly as she sobbed into his shoulder.
"He-was-." She couldn't speak through her sobs, and James tried to calm her down so she could understand what she was trying to say.
"Lily, just take some deep breaths, ok? And then tell me what's going on."
Lily pulled away for a moment, wiping her eyes, breathing heavily, willing herself to regain control. She finally took a long gulp and managed to speak coherently.
"I think…I think that You-Know-Who might have…"
"…what? Killed your parents?"
Lily hesitantly nodded before continuing.
"I'm not sure. But all these muggle attacks, disappearances. I keep thinking…what if it wasn't just a car crash? What if it was because of me?"
She nearly started breaking down again, but she was startled out of it when James grabbed her by the shoulders. She looked at him in shock at the serious glare in his eyes.
"Listen to me Lily, what happened to your parents is not your fault. Things happen, accidents happen every day. My great uncle Artie was struck by lightning flying on his broom, gone just like that. I don't know much about these muggle cars, but I assume this sort of thing happens semi-regularly?"
Lily nodded.
"Well then, it doesn't sound like You-Know-Who to me. They like to advertise their attacks these death eaters, they don't make them look like accidents or anything like that. I'm very sorry that this happened Lily, but it-was-not-your-fault. Even if it was him, the only person who is to blame is He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Understand?"
Lily nodded, leaning into James' touch once again, then pulling away, wiping the tears from her eyes. She glanced at her watch.
"We're late for charms."
James shrugged.
"I'll say I held you up. I'm used to detentions by now."
She smiled, wiping her tears away, before glancing back to James.
"How do I look?"
"Beautiful as ever." James said, with no hint of flirtation, stating it as fact.
The two made their way to charms and James made up some elaborate story about how the beauty of Lily Evans' eyes distracted him so that he had to soliloquize her right then and there and would Flitwick like him to repeat his vows to the class? Needless to say, James received his second detention of the day, and Lily mouthed a grateful thank you at him from across the room, him holding up a hand as if to say it was nothing. She had felt a tremendous weight lift off her chest at James' reassurance, the feeling of guilt that was so commonly associated with her wizardry leaving behind only the weight of grief. Grief was…a lot to say the least, but she could handle it…a little bit.
And it was after charms class when she found George in the Great Hall that she was surprised to find telling him lifted that weight even further. Being pulled into George's embrace, and allowed to cry into his shoulder with no hesitation on his part made her feel as though maybe she would actually be alright. His whispered comforts shoved light into the darkness, cracking it open and allowing her a slight reprieve from the devastation that had defined the majority of her day.
"Would you like to stay in the Ravenclaw common room tonight? Or the prefect's dormitory?"
Lily paused for a moment, thinking of Marlene, Mary, Susan and Alice who she had been avoiding all day. She thought of having to relive the memory once again, tell them all what had happened, experience the same kind but misguided statements of love and support. And she just thought that she couldn't handle that today. Tomorrow, perhaps, but not today. She slowly nodded.
"The prefect common room would be nice." She whispered to which George nodded, taking her hand and leading her there without hesitation.
"Of course, whatever you need."
Lily was surprised when she entered the room to find that two people were already there: Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.
"Remus, Peter what are you doing here?" George asked, friendly on the surface but clearly prepared to fight for their right to the spot if need be, for Lily's sake.
"Oh, well, Wormtail's been spending some time here. He and James haven't exactly been getting on the past couple days." Remus replied, Peter blushing rather sheepishly at that.
George snorted. "Well, that's not exactly surprising." Remus looked almost offended. "Well, no offense Remus but Potter's not exactly the most thoughtful bloke when it comes to other people."
Remus' offense transformed itself into a spark of rage, with Peter beating him to the punch in his own anger over George's quick judgement of their friend.
"Hey. James might not be perfect, but he cares about us. He'd do anything, sacrifice himself, his morals, his pride, to…make us feel good. So shut up about things you don't know about. Let's go Moony." Remus beamed at Peter with affectionate pride before giving George a crisp nod and Lily a concerned look to which she shook her head as if to say she'd tell him later.
George looked confused at this, not having expected Peter to go so berserk against him before turning back to Lily, his primary concern.
"That was a little harsh." George cleared his throat turning to Lily who shrugged.
"He's their friend. They don't like it when you talk down to one of them."
"Even if he is a self-centered git?"
Lily felt her own spark of anger at that, although she wasn't sure why. Until very recently she would have laughed at George's statement, sharing in his belief, but the last few days had shown her a side to James Potter that she had never considered before. So, all she could do was shrug, which George didn't seem bothered by, assuming that she was still shaken up over the news of her parents' deaths.
"Now, let's have a seat and just try and relax, ok? I'll make you some tea."
Lily nodded, tears coming to her eyes at the thought of her mother's tea, and how she would never sip it side by side with her again. Her father would read the newspaper as they laughed and talked about classes and boys, Petunia hiding up in her room working on "normal things". These memories transformed to the days when she and Petunia had actually been close, those times as little girls laughing around the picnic blanket while their parents watched them play. They were all so happy back then, and now the two people in her family who could actually stand to be around her were gone forever. George brought the tea back and Lily sipped a little to be polite, but that knot in her stomach was back, and she really didn't feel like taking anything in anymore.
The days before the funeral passed by like molasses, every new person Lily had to tell adding a new burden to the ever-growing knot in her stomach. They all tried to help, in their own way. Susan gave her hugs and chocolate; Mary offered a shoulder to cry on and company when Lily really just wanted to be alone. Marlene didn't know how to help so she alternated between hovering around Lily nervously and whispering with the others about what to do, while Alice handled it the best of all of them being the first one to suggest they just give Lily some space to work it out for herself and if she needed help, she'd come to them. George had been the worst of all, constantly doting on her, not letting her out of his sight for one second until she had finally confined herself to the Gryffindor girls' dormitory in order to get some time away from him. George was not overly emotional, but whenever Lily's emotions were out of control, he couldn't help but throw himself into overprotective mode it seemed. And Lily hated it, hated being doted on, the way he walked around on eggshells around her, treated her as if the slightest change in routine might break her. She could admit that she was broken, devastated, lost, but she absolutely hated being reminded of it every time her boyfriend looked at her with such pity in his eyes.
Lily had been excused from her classes for the rest of the week, and even encouraged to go home before the funeral by her professors, but in truth she wished that she had the distraction of classes to get her through. And there was no way in hell she was going home before she absolutely had to. She wasn't ready to face Petunia, not yet, and the closer the day came the more she wondered if she even wanted to go.
She was sitting with Remus in the library having grown tired of lying motionless in bed, trying and failing to focus on her most recent Potion's assignment, when she turned to Remus who had surprisingly not heard about what had happened before she told him the day after she found out. He was one of the first people she told, being one of her best friends, but she was flabbergasted that James hadn't told him the second he saw him. She glanced at Remus, who had been much like Alice in his handling of the situation, trying to treat Lily as normal as possible as they studied. And maybe this is what drew her to ask what she did.
"Hey, Remus, can I ask you something?" She said.
"Yeah, of course." He hardly looked up at her, tongue sticking out as he scratched away at his parchment, but she could tell that he was listening.
"Never mind." She said, noticing the slight change in his eyes and fearing that she was heading for another look of pity.
"No, what is it?" He said, dropping his parchment and giving her his full attention, replacing his concerned look with a smile as if he knew exactly what she needed at that moment.
"Well, I was just wondering if…you could come to my parents' funeral on Sunday?" She said it fast, and looked away not wanting to see his reaction.
Remus didn't answer right away, and she didn't allow him too, taking his silence as a "no".
"It's dumb, you have class and assignments, I shouldn't have assumed."
"Lily, Lily it's not dumb." He grabbed her hands and drew her attention back to his kind brown eyes, which penetrated her green ones down to her very soul. His reassuring tone lifted the weight of her fear off, and she listened as he spoke up: "Of course I'll come. I was just confused I guess…why me?" He asked, looking as if he was the one being pitied by Lily's asking him to be there for her in the hardest time of her life.
"Because I trust you." Lily said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world, "And I was worried if I asked anyone else…"
They both ignored the clear implication.
"That he might say no or be uncomfortable, and it's a lot to ask of anyone, and it's just…"
"Lily." Remus cut Lily off offering her a tender gaze which brought tears to her eyes for about the tenth time that day alone. "I'll be there, whatever you need."
He pulled her into a tight embrace, and she allowed herself to be held for the first time in days, knowing that it came with no strings attached, no ulterior motives, not even an ounce of pity. It was just Remus showing her affection because he cared about her.
"Thank you, Remus." She whispered it into his ear, but he heard and nodded.
"Now, let's get back to studying, ya?" He said to which she chuckled a bit and nodded, taking another crack at the essay which she had been staring at for the past three days, and actually making some progress.
Three days later, early Sunday morning, Lily hopped on the train at Hogsmeade station and rode it all the way to King's Cross. She took a bus to a cab station in London, and then a cab to her house at the end of the little street on Spinner's End. She took a deep breath as she pulled out a perfectly ordinary looking suitcase which her mother had bought her for Hogwarts, insisting that the silly trunk was far too impractical. It didn't even have wheels! She felt her eyes tear up again at the memory, and quietly made her way into the unlocked house. She was taken aback, her eyes drifting over the empty rooms as if no family had ever lived there, let alone a family of four for seventeen years. She tried not to let the sight of her childhood home stripped like those years had meant nothing cause her to break down.
Instead, she called out: "Tuney! I'm home."
"Lily," she heard her sister's pompous voice from the top of the stairs and watched as she came out dressed in overalls and a T-shirt her hair tied back in a bandanna, rubber gloves adorning her normally perfectly manicured hands.
She nearly cried at the sight of her sister looking so…casual. She had been so dressed up, trying to prove herself a proper adult for so many years that Lily was amazed at how much she'd missed seeing her sister instead of the façade Petunia had constructed. But she felt her heart sink as she allowed her hopes to take over too soon.
"Some of our guests will be arriving soon, and then we'll make our way to the service together. Don't tell me you'll be wearing that?"
Lily looked down at her casual train-wear, a jumper and bell bottom jeans, trying to look like a normal muggle for her sister's sake. And she bit back an insult, looking back up to her sister with a forced smile.
"No, I've brought my dress and things in my bag." She replied.
Petunia nodded, distracted.
"Good, good. Well, like I said the funeral's going to be held in a few hours then we will make our way back here for the reception. I need you to work with me today Lily because I am showing the house tomorrow so everything has to be in order."
She nodded. "Showing the house? But you've removed all the furniture."
"Show furniture is coming today at 5. No one could be expected to purchase this dump with mom and dad's old floral explosion in here. I am trying to make it look presentable to get a good price on it." She shrugged, Lily's horrified expression ignored as she turned back to go upstairs and clean out the rest of their memories like common trash.
Lily followed her, taking a deep breath before glancing into her room and forcing back a cry as she saw it covered in painter's tape and tarps, all her furniture gone save the bed frame.
"You painted my room?"
"Yes," Petunia said, distracted, "That ugly rose pink color, I never knew what you saw in that honestly Lily."
"Father and I painted it together."
"Yes, well, now someone else might choose a new paint in the future, but I went with eggshell, quite neutral."
Lily didn't have time to listen to Petunia continue on about paints because she had already left, walking off the property trying to rub the tears from her eyes as her feet carried her towards the old rusty playground a few blocks from their home. At least nothing had changed there, a few extra chips in the paint, and some upgraded mulch poured down recently, but still the same old playground. The same children playing and laughing as you did on a Sunday morning, holding their mother's hand like Lily once had. A little boy laughed as his father kicked a football with him across the pitch, allowing him to score with an exaggerated cry. A little girl swung herself up high as a concerned mother screamed, landing in delight with a crash that contradicted Lily's early years of accidental magic. Those days when she had landed feather light from a much higher distance, no tears or scraped knees to be seen. Her mother hadn't been there to see that, only Petunia, and she had blown a gasket that rivaled the mother tending to her daughter's wounds. The child didn't seem too bothered by her bruises, single-mindedly focused on trying again.
Lily wondered if she had been normal-well, a muggle-like this child if maybe her parents wouldn't have gone out that night. She might have been home, and they might have decided to do something together, or maybe Lily would have gone with them and mercifully been ripped from this mortal plane. "Don't go there either Evans" Lily thought to herself, realizing that it would do her parents no good to join them. It would do Petunia no good either despite how rough their relationship had been the last few years. Lily liked to think that some part of Petunia still cared about her, and that the way she was coping with their parents' deaths was just different, preferring to take action rather than think about the loss they had endured. And with that thought carrying her through the day, she made her way back to their childhood home to offer Petunia help in her endeavors, maybe convince her not to throw out all of their childhood memories in her grief-fueled tirade, and finally to prepare herself for the inevitable funeral which would finally confirm everything that had up until now just been told to her on paper. The funeral in which she would see her father and mother's cold lifeless bodies, and she would have to pretend that everything was alright. She took a deep breath, entering the house and calling out once again.
"Petunia, I'm back, need any help?"
A pause of hesitation before Petunia responded: "Yeah, sure, I'm just sorting through the attic now."
Lily smiled, maybe there was hope for them after all.
The funeral was about as dismal as Lily could have expected, a load of relatives who she hadn't seen since the last funeral (her grandmother's Lily remembered) acting like they had been the sole reason for their parents' existence. A few stories in and Lily already felt herself breaking down with each passing breath. She glanced at her watch, tears in her eyes when she realized that Remus, the one friend she had asked to be there for her, the one friend she had entrusted with this…was not coming. She began to break down even further at that thought, glancing continuously at the door before a familiar voice appeared seemingly out of nowhere, whispering right in her ear.
"Alright Evans? I brought my mum's cookies." She turned around to see the cheeky grin of none other than James Potter, standing in a black suit next to Remus (who gave her an apologetic grimace), Sirius, and…Peter. She guessed they'd made up then.
"What are you guys doing here?" She whispered back, as some coworker of her father's walked up to the podium to give his own recollection of the loss they had all endured.
"Remus told us what happened." Peter whispered, as he and Sirius took a seat behind her.
"We figured you could use some friends." Sirius finished.
"I…you didn't have to."
"You want us to leave we'll be out of here before you can say Quidditch, but at least try one of the cookies first. They'll help." James said, as he took his own seat next to the others, Remus the only one who sat down next to Lily squeezing her hand lightly with a whispered "Sorry we were late."
Petunia kept glancing back at the four boys whispering with Lily, distracting the crowd in their seats with a venomous glare. Lily turned back to Petunia guiltily before taking one of the cookies and having a bite. It was like a flurry of hope blossomed in her chest, warming her to her toes and filling her with delight. She smiled back at James who gave her a comforting nod, before turning his focus to the latest speaker, a distant uncle of Lily's she believed, ranting about life stripped away far too young. But the knot in her stomach had eased slightly, and she took another bite of the cookie, feeling the swelling of joy expand once again. Her mind turned to all the amazing times spent with her family, Petunia or otherwise.
She thought of her mother's smile, the way she would laugh at anything so long as it wasn't mean-spirited, the way she would smirk into her tea to try and hide her smile when Lily and Petunia would squabble. She thought of the way she would always adjust her glasses on her nose when she was watching the evening news, a book of knitting patterns open before her as she glanced between the television and Lily's father, eyes taking in every detail of his face, leaving Lily never doubting that they were in love. Lily thought of her father, the stern way he carried himself around the house when they all knew he had the softest heart of anyone especially when it came to his girls. She thought of the way his brow would crease as he read his latest book in the living room, pretending not to notice whatever latest argument had broken out between his girls, a stern "knock it off" being all it took to get them to break apart. She thought of his hair which was just on the edge of turning grey, and the wrinkles that lined his eyes from so many hours spent stressing over work, family, anything really.
Finally, she thought of all of them, a family together on that same picnic blanket those spring and summer afternoons when the sun peeked out from behind the clouds. She glanced at Petunia, offering her a comforting smile, which she surprisingly returned before making her way up to give her own speech before the crowd. Lily was surprised, having not prepared anything herself, but felt immense pride seeing her sister walking up there, back straight and so strong, not a tear in sight.
"I could stand up here and tell you all how great our mother and father were, but I think we've already covered that. So, I want to talk about someone you might not know a lot about, my sister Lily." Lily's eyes widened at that, horrified of the terrible words that might come out of Petunia's mouth. She winced and felt Remus' hand reach out for hers clutching it softly she prepared herself for the harsh words, but the words never came. "Lily is the best qualities of our father and mother rolled into one exceptional human being. She is unceasingly kind, beautiful, far more beautiful than me," She said this with a laugh, the bitterness that normally accompanied this revelation not seeping through, "and the brightest young woman you'll ever meet. Losing my mother and father is the hardest thing I'll ever have to endure, but I know that I'll be ok because I still have my sister here with me. And the greatest tragedy of this loss is that they won't be able to see the wonderful woman I know she is going to become." She then turned to address the caskets sitting behind her. "We'll miss you mom and dad. But I promise you that we will…I will be better. We won't lose each other no matter what." She whispered that last part, so that Lily could barely hear it above the stirring of the crowd.
Lily wiped her tears away as Petunia glanced at her, as if asking if she would like to say a few words. Lily paused for a moment, considering the matter, before imperceptibly shaking her head. Petunia nodded, a sad sort of smile on her face, taking the brunt of the responsibility, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders for the sake of her baby sister. Lily hadn't felt like Petunia's sister in a long time, and her eulogy had made Lily realize that…maybe there was more to Petunia than she had ever considered.
"So, if you could all join us at our home for the reception, we'll see you there." Lily smiled, Remus' hand in hers, and made her way with her friends towards the back of the hall and her home where the reception was being held.
"These are some cookies." She said to James as they walked across the tiny town which Lily called home to make it to her house just a few blocks from the church as well as the playground.
James nodded. "Cheering potion, guaranteed to pull you into a better state of mind even from the depths of grief. Took Mum 20 years to get the recipe right. Dad reckons the first time he tried them he was laughing hysterically for two weeks straight, really mucked things up at the office."
Lily chuckled a little bit.
"Now, not to be insensitive or anything, but Moony did inform me there'd be an open bar at the reception?" Sirius asked, that hint of mischief in his eyes.
Lily rolled her eyes, but replied: "Yes there will be, but I swear Black if you get out of hand…"
"Lily please, I can handle my liquor." He said with a smirk.
She nodded suspiciously the group finally making it to the house where Petunia was already waiting, having caught a ride with some older relative Lily assumed in order to make it to the house first and host. Sirius caught sight of the bar right away, making a beeline for it as Petunia caught sight of Lily and offered her a small smile, before catching sight of her friends and having an ugly frown replace the look on her face.
"I'll be right back." Lily whispered to Remus heading over to her sister who moved away from welcoming guests to offer her sister a hug.
"It was a beautiful speech Tuney." Lily said, still choking up at the thought that she meant so much to her sister.
Petunia pulled away. "It was nothing, really." The two paused awkwardly, not sure what to say after so many years of distance between them interrupted by such a heartfelt outpouring of emotion. Before Lily could speak again Petunia spoke up, glancing at the group of boys behind Lily. "Who are your friends?"
She said friends like there was a bit of bile trying to escape her throat as the word came out.
"Oh, that's Remus, James, and Peter. And Sirius is over there I believe. They're friends of mine from Hog- from school."
Lily rubbed the back of her neck as Petunia surveyed the group with distaste. Sirius already taking over the bar, Remus, with his worn-out suit, Peter with his pimples and extra weight, and James the worst of them all, his hair sticking up all over and a mischievous glint still evident in his bright hazel eyes.
"Lily, how could you bring them here? I thought I told you not to have any mention of your…abnormality around the house today."
Lily paused for a moment, thinking of all the signs of her magic that had been around the house, the frog spawn in a tank in her bedroom, the singed furniture and curtains from childhood accidental magic, even the owl pellets that littered the attic no matter how much Lily's mother tried to clean them up. She backed up, looking at Petunia with newfound anger.
"You weren't worried about Mom's style choices. You didn't want any signs that I was a-witch-" she whispered that part, anticipating Petunia's wince, "-in the house, did you?"
Petunia looked guiltless, but she didn't deny the accusation.
"After all the beautiful things you said about me in your eulogy, you still can't accept that this is a part of who I am. Petunia, why can't you just-?"
"Because it's not fair!" She shouted this drawing a lot of stares, before dragging Lily to a more private spot, a secluded area around the side of the house. "You have always been the pretty one, the smart one, the talented one, the confident one, and I am proud of you. I really am. You're my sister, Lily, and I love you." Those words seemed to physically pain Petunia, but she got through them, took a deep breath and continued. "But it's not fair that you get to be all of those things, and you get to move things without touching them and create water and fire out of thin air. It's not fair." Petunia is near tears now. "I have tried so hard to let you live your life this way, but Lily today isn't about you. It's about our mother and father, and remembering them as the normal people that they were. I will not let you bring your freakishness to our home on the day of our parents' funeral and ruin all of the hard work they've spent building their reputations with these people. I know you Lily, and you are kind and beautiful and good, but these people could ruin this entire reception with a single word, and I want them gone."
Lily felt her eyes brimming with tears. Of course it was too good to be true. Petunia could never accept Lily for the person she was, just the person she wished that she was, the sister whom she had always wanted. Lily loved Petunia for all of her flaws, but Petunia continued to overlook the one thing that defined Lily more than any of her other accomplishments. She made that beautiful speech, not for Lily's benefit but to show off to her parents' friends and colleagues, play the humbled older sister who would be a great addition to your perfectly normal company thank you very much. Lily felt herself falling apart again, wishing she had another one of those cheering cookies when she heard the sound of Sirius' voice interrupt her spiral.
"Oi, Evans!"
Lily glanced over at Sirius who had set his whiskey down on one of the many tables in the area, heading towards her. James and the others were staring in shock as he approached her with a grim smile.
"We've got to head out now, but we're really sorry about your parents."
And to everyone's shock Sirius Black moved forward and pulled Lily into a tight embrace. And to Lily's surprised he whispered so that only she could hear:
"Don't let her get to you. You're perfect just the way you are." She nodded, as he pulled back from the embrace speaking loudly again:
"See you back at school yeah?"
Lily nodded, giving Sirius a grateful glance before passing the look to all of the Marauders, eyes landing for a particularly long while on James. He blushed a bit at that, glancing away. She looked at the group as they walked off into the distance, disappearing in a blink likely using side apparition. She smiled to herself, glancing at Petunia who had moved back to playing host, and took a deep breath, taking another bite of James' cheering cookies to perk herself back up. She made small talk with her fathers' associates, smiled and kissed cheeks of relatives she hadn't seen in years and might never see again, and acted the part of the perfect daughter Petunia had described. For Petunia was all about appearances, and Lily could keep up appearances for her sake. She knew now that Hogwarts was waiting for her, three new friends among the old ones, friends who allowed her to be herself without conditions, and who she knew she could trust to protect her in the days to come.