A stormtrooper slides his tray down the serving line to a pan of oval meat patties soaking in thick brown gravy. "What is that?" he asks.

"Salisbury steak," Jordy says.. "Its ground beef and onions served with gravy."

"It looks like a hamburger."

"Same thing, but with onions and gravy." Jordy points to a tray of mashed potatoes. "It pairs nicely with mashed potatoes."

"So, that's like a hamburger and fries, without a bun."

"You can get a dinner roll."

"I also like the lettuce and tomato on my burger."

"Then you can get a side salad. Just imagine this is a deconstructed hamburger, with gravy."

The stormtrooper looks at the other serving trays with pasta dishes and various vegetables. "I don't want any of this. I want you to serve me a hamburger and fries. No, I want a cheeseburger! There is no cheese here!"

Jordy rolls his eyes. "I don't set the menu. What you see is what you get."

The trooper swings his blaster toward Jordy. "What I want is what I get! Get me a hamburger now, or I'll blast a hole through you!" The other stormtroopers in line back up a bit, hoping to keep charred human flesh out of their pasta primavera.

Jordy rubs his chin and waves his fingers slightly. "You don't want a hamburger."

The trooper pulls back his blaster. "I don't want a hamburger."

"You want Salisbury steak with mash potatoes, gravy, and a side salad."

The stormtrooper drops the blaster and it swings on its strap. "I want Salisbury steak with mash potatoes and a side salad."

"And gravy." Jordy smiles as he scoops the food onto a plate. "Have a nice day." He hands the trooper his lunch.

Three troopers slide past him and the fourth one stops. "What is that?"

Jody sighs. "Salisbury steak."

After the lunch rush, Jordy cleans the serving line and joins Roy wiping tables and chairs. "Hey Roy, did you see me do the Jedi mind trick?"

"What's that?"

"The power to control people with weak minds."

"The power to control people with weak minds," Roy says.

"Exactly. I've been eavesdropping on Darth Vader's lessons he gives during dinner. He can do some wicked shit."

"He's the guy who moves the chairs and salt shakers around?"

"And he can choke people without touching them. That's the real advanced stuff." Jordy reaches his hand toward Roy. "Let me try it on you."

"What? No!" Roy waves his hands.

Jordy strains his face as he concentrates. "Are you choking yet?"

"No."

"Shit." Jordy points his hand toward a table and concentrates on the salt and pepper shakers. Nothing happens. "I still can't move a salt shaker yet."

"What are you idiots doing?" asks Barney, the head cook.

"I am practicing the Force," says Jordy.

"Oh, practicing the Force. I'm sorry to interrupt you. Now stop fucking around clean this canteen!" Barney throws a dirty dish rag to the floor. "And mop the fucking floor!"

Jordy waves his fingers slowly. "The floor does not need mopping."

"It fucking does! It better sparkle in ten minutes!" Barney kicks a chair. "And put that back." He storms away.

"What's wrong with that asshole?" Jordy asks.

"There's an inspection today."

"Oh. Who is the inspector?"

"Some admiral and Mr. Stevens." Roy looks around the room. A few gunnery technicians are milking out a coffee break. "Should we put up chairs and do the deck?"

Jordy points his hand to the kicked chair and grimaces. "Ahhhhhh! Move you mother fucker!" The chair slides a few inches. "Holy Shit! Did you see that?"

"No. What happened?" Roy plops a chair on a table. "It's faster if you help."

An hour later, the canteen is sparkling. Barney walks around the space, checking all the nooks and crannies. "Not bad." He walks to the serving line. "Have you changed the steam tray water?" He lifts the edge of a serving pan and peeks underneath. "That's a lot of scale. Drain these steamers, scrub off the scale, and put in new water. You have twenty minutes!"

Jordy salutes. "We got it, bro!"

A few minutes later they realize the white, hard scale is not coming off. Jordy is using a pot scrubber and Roy is tapping it with a meat tenderizer.

"What is scale, and how did it get here?" Roy asks.

"No clue." Jordy steps back and puts his hands on his hips. "It's like cement." He stretches his hand out and grits his teeth. "Begone!"

"You're trying to use the Force?"

"Why not?" Jordy grits his teeth harder and pushes his hand closer. "Come on, you bastard!"

Meanwhile, on the Command Deck, Darth Vader is choking an officer with the Force.

"I will no longer tolerate your incompetence." Vader bends his choking finger and the officer falls to the floor, gasping. "I clearly said four sugars, not three. If you are not able to make a cup of coffee correctly, how can I trust you to fight the Rebellion." The choking man reaches out and tries to speak but can not. He collapses.

"Oh, I smell coffee." Grand Moff Tarkin enters and walks to the round control panel. "Is somebody still taking orders?...Vader! I told you to stop choking officers!"

Darth Vader whips around to face Tarkin. "A level of excellence must be maintained if we are to be victorious."

"At this rate, there won't be any officers left to be victorious!" He looks around and rubs his hands. "Who's doing coffee orders?" An officer points to the dead guy. "Fucking hell." He holds up a finger to Vader. "Since you killed the coffee guy, I want you to get me a double cappuccino, with a biscuit."

"I don't fetch coffee."

"Oh, yes you do. Either you get me a double cappuccino, or I'll have you transferred to the Imperial Academy, cleaning latrines for the plebes."

"No you won't."

"Yes, I will. I wrote the orders months ago, and I just have to sign them." Tarkin turns to a junior officer. "Lieutenant, bring up my draft transfer orders on the computer." The officer nods and walks to the round control panel. He drops to his knees, choking. "Vader, stop it!"

Vader drops his choking hand. "Okay, fine. I'll get your fucking coffee. It's like a nursery school in here...Hold on." He moves his head as in deep thought. "There's a disturbance in the Force."

"Really?" Tarkin sighs. "How convenient."

"No, I'm serious this time." Vader clenches his fist. "The Dark Side is being siphoned to an unknown sphere."

"And why should I give a shit?"

"Because the Dark Side of the Force is where I get my power, and you need me to crush the Rebellion!"

"I'm not convinced of that. After you get my coffee, you can worry about the Down Side."

"Dark Side!" Vader spins around and walks away, his cape flowing majestically. He stops and turns back. "Sugar?"

"Yes. Two, please."

Meanwhile in the canteen, Jordy is still scrubbing the scale and trying to apply the Force at the same time.

"I think it's coming off." Jordy wipes sweat from his forehead. "A little at a time, but it's working."

Roy puts down the hammer. "This is not working. Should I go ask the other guys if they know how to clean this?"

"Yeah, sure. Oh, shit!" Jordy jumps back. The scale in the pan is glowing. "Look!"

"What's happening. The Force?"

"I don't know." Jordy points his hand to the pan. "Go away!" The water pan makes a popping sound and crumbles up into a ball. "Huh. Not what I wanted." He looks to Roy. "Do we have spares?"

Roy shrugs. "I don't know. If we do, we can change all the pans for the inspection."

"Fuck, that's a good idea. I wish I thought of that." Jordy walks to the comlink panel. "I'll call the Supply Department and see what they got."

Barney comes out of the kitchen and sees the crumbled pan. "Holy shit! What is that?"

"The water pan had an accident," says Jordy. "I'll order a new one."

"There's no time! They're here!"

Mr. Stevens enters the canteen, followed by a crusty admiral with a red face. He has an electronic clipboard.

"Hello, team." Mr. Stevens holds a hand toward the admiral. "This is Admiral Coal. He is from Fleet Logistic Command and is doing an inspection of the Death Star's canteens."

"All of them?" asks Roy.

"No, just a random twenty," the admiral replies. He looks at the crumbled pan. "What is going on there?"

Everybody looks to Jordy. "Ah, we were doing some scheduled maintenance, removing scale from warming pans, and this one suddenly crumbled up. Right before our eyes." The admiral looks to Mr. Stevens, who shrugs.

"How can that happen?" asks the admiral. "Metal pans don't just crumble up. Even on the Death Star."

"I don't know. It's what I saw." Jordy puts his hand on Roy's shoulder. "We both saw it."

"I think it was the Force," Roy says. Jordy swallows hard and the admiral blinks his eyes.

"The Force?" The admiral chuckles. "Why would you think that?"

"There are always strange things happening in this canteen. Chairs and salt shakers moving by themselves. Officers dropping dead from choking."

"This is a moving battle station." The admiral makes a note on his clipboard. "Of course, things move around. And if somebody is choking in a canteen, he is choking on something he ate. Are you trained on the Heimlich maneuver?"

Jordy looks to Mr. Stevens, who gently nods. "Yes, we are."

"I see." The admiral makes more notes on his clipboard. "Okay, let me check the rest of the water pans." He lifts the serving pans and looks at all the water pans underneath. "I don't think any of these have ever been cleaned. And you said it was scheduled maintenance?"

"Yes. Once every five years. This is the first occurrence on the schedule."

"If the water is changed with every meal serving, there is no scale." The admiral scribbles on his board. "It looks like the water is just topped off every shift." He walks around the dining area, looking under tables, and on chairs. "Dining facilities are 'satisfactory,' but not 'outstanding'. Let's look at the kitchen."

Barney leads the admiral and Mr Stevens into the kitchen.

"Are we in trouble?" Roy asks.

"I don't know. They can't fire us. We're union." Jordy picks up the crumbled pan. "I wonder why this happened."

"Because you summoned the Dark Side!" Darth Vader enters the canteen. Jordy and Roy jump. "And the Dark Side does not like to do dishes. How dare you summon my power!"

"I didn't!" Jordy holds up the pan. "I was trying to use the Force the remove scale. I don't know how to select the Dark Side or not!"

"You remove scale with white vinegar and baking soda, not an energy field that binds all things in the universe, you dumb ass." Vader holds out his hand and bends his finger. "You will interfere with the Dark Side no more." The entire serving line collapses and crumbles into a mangled heap. "Oh, fuck. I didn't do it."

Mr. Stevens, the admiral, and Barney run out of the kitchen and see the crushed equipment.

"What the hell?" Mr. Stevens looks to Vader. "You again?"

"Your employee was using the Dark Side to clean pans!" Vader points to Jordy.

"He tried to kill me but crushed the serving line," says Jordy.

"You built up a load of Dark Side energy into the scale!" Vader waves his fist to Jordy. "That's why you don't fuck with the Dark Side."

"That's enough, you two." Mr. Stevens says. "I don't want to lose more equipment. We are having an inspection. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," says Vader. "Also, I need a double cappuccino with a biscuit?"

Mr Stevens turns to Roy. "Roy, could you accommodate Lord Vader?"

"Yes." Roy leads Vader to a coffee station behind the salad bar. "Sugar?"

"Oh. I forgot."

The admiral scribbles on his clipboard. "I have to fail this canteen. It must be shut down and all staff will be punished."

"Punished how?" Barney asks.

"The usual punishment. Death."

Barney and Jordy look to Mr Stevens, who smiles back and winks.

"All canteens on the Death Star have passed the inspection." Mr. Stevens straightens his collar and waves his fingers slowly. "This canteen deserves a grade of 'outstanding'."

The admiral slowly looks back to his clipboard. "All canteens have passed the inspection. This canteen gets an 'outstanding'." He scribbles on the board, and looks at the crushed serving line. "What about that?"

"The serving line is ready for service."

"The serving line is ready for service." The admiral puts the clipboard under his arm. "I think I am done today. Can you show me to the shuttle hangar?"

"My pleasure." Mr. Stevens leads the admiral out of the canteen.

"Impressive use of the Jedi mind trick," says Darth Vader, as he leaves with a double cappuccino and a biscuit. "I would have choked him."

"Now what do we do?" Jordy asks Barney.

"We got two hours before the dinner rush." Barney takes off his apron. "Let's go down to Supply Department and get a new fucking serving line."