AN: So I was doubting that it would be a good idea to continue with the backstory, that 8 months of untold content, but after rereading it, I think it's fine after all.
Okay, I didn't italicize the last chapter because it was all backstory. But this time the backstory will be italicized to differentiate it from the present.
TW: suicidal thoughts, no depiction of action or attempt.
Asynchronous With You
Chapter Three
After the first girl, some drama had started up at school for Naruto.
She had seen Hinata's shoes in the genkan when she left in a huff, but had no idea who they belonged to.
She had accused Naruto of sneaking away to invite a different girl over.
Now half of the female body hated him, while the other half wanted a taste.
Hinata was disappointed to find that he had relished in his new reputation as a stud, that he would take whatever infamy he got, if it meant getting everything he ever wanted.
Some timid part of her that remained said, 'Good for him.' After all, he deserved to be happy and enjoy his life.
And yet, some shadowy part of her felt she was as good a stranger to him than a sister, seeing as how there could be no room for her as either a sister, a friend or a love interest.
She decided to simultaneously test and sabotage him after the fourth girl he brought home. Two terribly petty things she never thought she would do.
He knows when she leaves something of hers in his room, it means she wants him to come over.
So she left a pair of panties atop his bed in hopes that Girl no. 5 would be discouraged by the extent of his promiscuity and go home. After all, this particular girl was more boyfriend-browser than maneater, and Hinata had felt certain she would take issue.
Well, turns out it didn't work. Instead, it excited Girl no. 5. Her expectations of his skill had risen with the proof that he had a revolving door of booty coming in and out of his bedroom, perhaps she was the type that got high off of competition anxiety than depressed by it, and from there they went at it; Louder and rougher than the first four.
Hinata made sure to disappear before they found out she'd been home. When the coast seemed clear, Hinata feigned nonchalance, uttering a weak 'Tadaima' to the only person home.
But she did not get her usual greeting.
She crept towards her bedroom, somehow not expecting Naruto to answer her invitation, at least not immediately.
He sat at her low table in the middle of the room, her panties now sitting atop her comforter.
He couldn't look her in the eyes.
He didn't seem mad, but rather, dumbfounded.
What a thing to give him when wanting to chat, is probably what was going through his head. It's not like they haven't had cell phones for the past four years of their life, why communicate in their secret language with panties of all things? Certainly, she couldn't have had an ulterior motive she was trying to express to him.
Well, perhaps she did. This wasn't exactly her ideal way to flirt with him, nor was it how she'd choose to shoot her shot.
She doubted her panties excited him in the first place.
With a soft sigh, Hinata nodded to herself. She crossed her room without a word, hanging her school bag on the back of her desk chair. She then approached her bed and picked up her underwear, telling him "Thank you for finding them."
She walked over to her double dresser, depositing the pair inside the appropriate drawer.
She was rooted to that spot, her hands gripping the trim of her dresser.
From the corner of her eye, she could see him scratch at his cheek, the way he does when a reply feels too weird to say.
He stood up, and just before reaching the door he mumbled, "Just don't lose them again, okay?" The door closed behind him, and Hinata's shoulders lowered along the length of her exhale, her stress leaving her like a ten-meter drop in water level.
Several weeks later on a Sunday, when Hinata was invited to a dessert buffet with Sakura and Ino, she found out that her favorite linen top with the frilly button trim had shrunk in the dryer.
While uncomfortably snug, she could still button every one but the two across her chest.
Ino loved keyhole cuts and would probably give her resounding approval, but this would not pass the social decency test.
She tugged and tugged but still, the buttons wouldn't reach their homes. Her eyes burned as a flurry of despair hit her in quick succession.
She was getting older.
She was growing up.
She was getting bigger. Like, inelegantly bigger.
No one would want her. He doesn't want her. Not a booby monster like her. So butterfaced and uncool.
Fashion was the one thing that could save her. She loved this top. Ino picked this one out for her. She's been treasuring it for the two years she's had it. She LOVED this top!
She didn't want to say goodbye to it.
She didn't want to say goodbye to a lot of things.
Like choosing where to go for high school.
Something possessed her to walk out of her room and find him. Maybe it was spite. Spite against all the things that weren't going her way. All the things she wasn't allowed to have.
She would play up her little sister role in utter defiance.
"Hinata?" Naruto shot up from the sofa and ran to her side.
"Did you dry my clothes?" More accusation than question, her wet voice keened high with every consonant. "I can't wear this anymore."
Naruto stood, sputtering, hands uselessly gesticulating at her ample cleavage.
She's never seen his face so red.
Did he look like this when he was thrusting into his rotation of harem girls?
He jogged up to her, a little stumbly, caught somewhere between deeply guilty and deeply vulnerable. "U-Uh, maybe it's still okay?" He reached and gripped the opened fabric, his rough fingers ghosting across her skin. A tingle ran up her spine, heat suffused her body in a delicious flash. His eyes became wild for a second. As if to cover up his embarrassment, he became even more determined to prove he didn't ruin her clothes, but doing so made it worse for them both.
The forceful tugging only made her breasts bounce in a way he was all too familiar with, but none had ever been as big as hers.
As if catching his dirty thoughts, Naruto released her and ran out of the living room, shouting spastically over his shoulder, "I'msorryI'llreplaceit!"
Hinata rested a hand over her exposed skin, right where he had touched her, and she couldn't fight down a smile, however pained and wistful.
This was probably all she was ever going to get.
She decided to play up the risks that Sunday, and forwent a bra, using a velvet cropped jacket to hide her nipples.
She received a lot of compliments that day.
On another occasion, Hinata had chosen to start wearing the lily and ocean spray-scented perfume Kurenai's parents got her for Rinne last year. She snuck into Naruto's room, sprayed the collars of his shirts with her scent, and disappeared without a trace.
She then started wearing the perfume around the house and before going to school. Because he was her shield on the train ride to the station, there was no mistaking the scent that's been haunting him was hers. The way his mortified blush clashed with his wild, wide eyes locked on the space above her shoulders, as he pressed his head hard against the door glass, thrilled her down to her toes.
She wanted to keep pushing this. Wanted to keep taunting, the way he unknowingly taunted her.
But nothing ever really changed.
Not even when she tricked him into walking in on her half-naked in the laundry room by telling him it was okay to come in. (She was just folding her laundry in her underwear, which was really no different than a bikini. No reason he had to feel weird when they've gone to the beach many times before.)
Not even when she texted him from the bath that she forgot her towel. (She had to assure him that the spa minerals made the water opaque and asked if he wanted her to prove it to him. He still entered with his eyes covered behind his hand.)
Or the time she walked around in a pair of his boxers, pretending she thought they were merely lounge shorts. (She never saw that pair show up in the laundry cycle again).
No, in the end he still brought girls over when he thought she wasn't home.
And she still snuck in to try and be a part of it, to learn more about him, to indulge in some form of masochism she didn't know she possessed.
Hands down her panties and her ear firmly pressed up against that hole.
This wasn't good for her heart.
And when she and Naruto had decided individually that they'd stay with everyone else and go to Konoha Normal High, she had decided it was time to get serious about her life.
Her renewed late-night phone calls with Neji gave back her sense of structure.
She started her own club. Called it the Volunteers Association. Basically what they did was meet up every Sunday to clean up trash in a pre-chosen location from the crack of dawn until lunchtime. Beautifying their hometown was a lesson in gratitude and pride.
She also became the Public Morals Committee President, because it would look good on her resume, not because she'd developed an interest in policing others. It also helped her overcome her aversion to raised voices, as she often had to bark at the occasional violator, and so did her fellow committee officers.
But when she did police others, she learned more and more about other people in a way she never thought she would.
For example, the majority of the porn magazines they confiscated were of G-cup models, with M-cup and C-cup ranking in second and A-cup ranking in last. This told her the preferences of the male student body. How important that information was to her? Well, it kind of helped know which boys to be leery of. She had grown to be a little more realistic about herself: She had curves. No longer just a booby monster, her hips (thank god) had finally started to balance out her bust.
Another example was how many students came to school in a hurry and for what reasons. Most of it was due to oversleeping, which were the result of late-night gaming (like someone else she knows), or excessive studying, or part-time jobs. A few others would show up looking like they had taken a detour to the nearest supply closet to fool around (also like the same someone else she knows).
Running in the halls ensued due to prankish behavior.
Failure to advertise for upcoming club events were due to limp commitment or a loss of interest.
To sum it up, everyone was going with the flow, chasing one promise of excitement after another, the future too intangible for them to grasp. Their Springtime of Youth was not over.
The amount of blank career sheets cemented her point.
When the time came for bag checks, where a teacher would confiscate candy and make-up, that's where Hinata drew the line. She knew her classmates needed sugar to make it through the day. She advised the pretty girls, the gyaru, even the ones she knew had been in Naruto's bed, that they could still cheat the system if they were clear lip gloss and neutral colors. That really turned their impression of her around on its head.
Earning their respect seemed to soften her own prickliness towards these girls, and made her realize they weren't the enemy for having what she couldn't have. It takes hours for them to look that good. Hinata sympathized. All that effort for no reward? Was she suddenly cheering them on now?
Her heart was a mess.
Hinata sat slouched at her Public Morals Committee President's desk, the amber sunset glaring from behind the treeline, masking her in red-gold and shadows. She envisioned her heart as a zombie, once cold and unbeating for so long, now finding new life, even whilst crippled with a limp.
Is this what it feels like when you move on?
The idea of Naruto being reduced to a faceless shadow in her life carved that hole inside her deeper, proving that he still had a hold on her.
Or maybe... maybe she was going about this all wrong.
Perhaps the distance is what was killing her the most.
She just never felt close enough to him.
Shuffling through the career sheets, as a favor to their homeroom teacher, Hinata stopped upon finding his.
It was so unlike the Naruto she fell for when they were kids.
His was also empty.
Sakura saw the group text before she ever saw the sender.
Hina-tatas: I have something to share with you all. Eat your lunch and come meet me on the hill facing the soccer field.
Ki-baka: What is it? Smthn happen?
Ino-buta: She said she'll tell us later. smh
Ki-baka: I can't wait that long! It sounds super serious!
Sakura: That's exactly why she's going to tell us in person.
Once she got her indoor shoes slipped on, Sakura put her pink trainers inside her shoe locker and closed it shut. Like a ghost, Hinata appeared beside her, reaching inside her locker for her own indoor shoes. Sakura's eyes tracked the thuggish, perverted poseur that had arrived so closely with Hinata, her green eyes squinting with suspicion as he walked past them.
Naruto, or should she say, Charato used to be tolerable. Even though his pranks got out of hand, his back-talking to adults struck her with envy, and his pitiable stupidity was like a seasonal allergy she could not medicate, he had a good heart.
Emphasis on had.
His recent self, who rode Sasuke-kun's coattails like water skis, was someone she could block from her life. Like in that episode of Black/Mirror.
How to put it… It was just that he was making Sasuke look bad. Sure, sometimes hot people surround themselves with 6s and 7s because it boosts their hotness, but this wasn't about that.
Charato was a tool; disrespectfully caricaturing Sasuke-kun's lifestyle and unattainable coolness!
'GET OVER YOURSELF! SHANNARO!'
A gentle hand rested on her shoulder. "Sakura-san, your Bruxism," Hinata warned.
Sakura closed her eyes and pursed her lips. She relaxed her shoulders and unfurled her fists. And her jaws finally relaxed soon after. She established her switch in attitude with a snooty huff.
"Sasuke-kun's just about as charitable as you, Hinata. Is there any end to how amazing he is?"
Hinata's face was painfully sheepish. And her response; painfully absent.
They walked together to their classroom.
"How's that study guide working for you, by the way?" Sakura asked.
"It's been a life-saver. I can't thank you enough."
"Glad to hear it. I guess when I saw your rank dropping, it hurt me on a fundamental level."
Hinata laughed awkwardly, "Yeah, I don't know what's been going on with me lately, but my brain's been like a sieve once I leave cram school."
"But don't you record the lectures?"
Hinata lifted her chin and eyes to the ceiling and shrugged. The evolution of Hinata's avoidant body language has been an interesting one to observe. Now she feigned a sort of fearless apathy, as opposed to her old self-conscious turtling.
"Well, record your lectures just in case."
It wasn't long before a pair of arms hooked around their shoulders, and powdery gardenia filled their noses.
"Well, aren't you two just about the sexiest nerds I've ever seen."
"Ino-buta," Sakura grumbled.
"Hi, Ino."
"Is talking about study methods like a way to suppress your power? Well, maybe not Hinata-chan so much. She's just overflowing with power!" Ino squeezed Hinata's breast, and the hallway popped with the pitch of her yelp.
Her poor face turned bright red as she whined at Ino and told her to knock it off.
Sakura shrugged off Ino's arm and fixed her with a challenging glare, as she pointed at Ino's chest. "Maybe nerd talk will have an inverse effect on you. Seems like going completely carno plateaued along the way."
Ino flipped her ponytail and puffed her chest out. "Nah, my proportions are just right."
"Maneater."
"Airstrip."
"Cow," came a meek mumble.
Sakura and Ino both turned towards the last person they expected to hear that from. Hinata twiddled her forefingers and offered a sheepish grin.
"I was feeling left out."
Tears brimmed their eyes as they clutched their stomachs and burst out laughing.
It was enough to bring all eyes on them.
Hinata went on ahead to the hill facing the soccer field.
She didn't eat much.
"Must be nerves," Ino suggested as she worked on her caramel pudding. Suddenly Ino became more animated as she leaned forward, concern heavy in her eyes. "What do you think it could be? She's not seeing anyone, right? She never goes to mixers with us, so she can't be pregnant-"
The force of Sakura's eye roll could have spun the earth into a new day. "That's your first thought? That Hinata got pregnant? You trying to unjinx your own inevitable fate?"
Ino shoved her shoulder a tad roughly before sliding back into her current mood. "Then she's moving away? Transferring out? What else could she have to tell us?"
Sakura rested her chin on the heel of her palm and turned her gaze to the world beyond their classroom windows. They had a view of the Liason building and a portion of the Western courtyard. Being November, it was much too cold to be eating outside.
Hinata wasn't so inconsiderate as to make them suffer in the cold.
"Whatever it is, I don't think it'll take too long."
A week after Naruto's birthday...
Hinata collapsed onto a bench as the physical and mental exertion caught up to her.
The school was bustling with a multitude of craft projects as they prepared for their annual School Festival.
As a committee member and Volunteer Associate, she was running herself ragged from classroom to classroom, club to club, helping to ensure that everyone's efforts were going smoothly.
A smooth chill touched her cheek. She opened her eyes. Ino held out a cold water bottle against her heated skin, and Hinata smiled.
"Thank you," Hinata accepted the bottle and held it to her neck. Ino sat down next to her. A series of violent thumps met their ears as an irritated Kiba chased down a gloating Naruto, with Kiba's club materials in his hands. Hinata's voice cracked once she opened her mouth, but Ino's voice rang out in her stead.
"NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS!"
Hinata thanked her again as she sank against the wall and relished in the soothing sensation of her water bottle. She didn't realize she had overworked her voice already, too.
"That one's going nowhere," Ino tsked quietly.
"Who?"
"Charato. He thinks he can live this way forever. Life'll stop being so funny when he's working behind a convenience store register."
"Cashiers serve an important purpose."
"So you agree he's going to end up a cashier," Ino smirked with a wink.
Hinata opened her mouth to complain, but her will instantly deflated inside of her. Ino laughed at the sequence of emotions that played out across Hinata's face, and the latter simply resumed being exhausted human jello that needed more time to restore her shape.
"A cashier baby daddy with five children, each from a different mom," Ino added.
Hinata tried to blink away the haze steadily overtaking her. "No."
Her chest twisted at the thought.
If that really came to pass, he would take responsibility. He would never leave his own children behind, even if he had to go it alone.
Hinata's lips trembled as they tightly pressed into a thin line, her eyes pinching closed. She tried to count her breath, but there's nothing subtle about that.
"Hinata?" Came Ino's panicked voice.
"It's just a headache," she lied.
"When was the last time you ate?" Ino barely waited for a response. "I'll grab some food from the cafeteria and be right back with pain relievers. Just stay right there. And no more shouting. You're done for the day!"
Ino ran off to complete her mission and Hinata couldn't be sure if she was grateful for her absence or more afraid of it.
However the future turns out, she hopes she can help keep it a happy one for him.
When the school opens its gates on the first day of the festival, the day that is permitted only for family members of the student body, a little girl with brown hair and cunning lavender eyes would upend her structure and make her lose sight of that happy future.
Grabbing their scarves from the cubbies in the back of the classroom, Sakura and Ino headed for the soccer field.
Kiba was already sitting on the stiff grass, with Shino beside him. Shino pretty much never said anything in group chat. It was hard to gauge if he even existed sometimes. But he seemed important to Hinata. Being former club-mates can forge bonds like nothing else.
Her green eyes noted the others in attendance: Sasuke, Shikamaru, Chouji, and Sai. She was taken aback.
Sakura beelined towards Sasuke and sat herself down in the empty spot beside him like it'd already been reserved for her. God, he was beautiful. Even his whole aura was an oasis in her desert known as conventional life. "What are you guys doing here?"
Two arms hooked under her shoulders and suddenly the grass was sliding beneath her heels and Sasuke grew out of her reach. Ino moved her to the far side of the gathering as if to maintain the cohesiveness of their factions. But that wasn't it at all.
Ino stopped liking Sasuke years ago.
She wasn't being malicious, in fact, she was overprotective when it came to him. But Sakura didn't see any reason why she had to stop liking him too. The things she said Sasuke stood for weren't controversial to Sakura in the least. To her, it's exactly what she expected of him.
Sasuke leaned back and made eye contact. "We're waiting on the Dobe."
"What?" Sakura's eyes snapped up to Hinata's face. She was waving at somebody from afar. Sakura spun around hard, and the world abruptly stopped like a record scratch. Charato was jogging towards them, waving his arm wildly over his head.
"Sorry! I was getting scolded! I'm here now!"
Naruto, who had a childhood hero complex and saved Hinata from bullies throughout grade school. Naruto, who must've gotten sick of that dynamic when he came to her and tried to tell her Hinata was getting bullied even worse during middle school.
Sakura was never sure if he had liked Hinata way back then, if he had done all that for her acknowledgment. It never paid off, far as Sakura was sure. It was only logical to believe that none of that mattered anymore. Hinata was working hard to be someone, while Naruto was working hard to be nothing more than a nuisance, the kind of guy who you might casually remember years from now, but only in the form of second-hand embarrassment. That guy who looked ridiculous, acted ridiculously, and was only quotable through his ridiculousness.
When Charato stood beside Hinata, Sakura's stomach churned. Ino's warm breath shocked her ear.
"You think they're dating?"
"Why would they? Charato doesn't date," Sakura hissed. What if his childhood feelings never went away? What if he finally came out with it and asked her out? What Ino was right?
What's going to happen to Hinata?
"Hey!" He yelped sharply, like a whining fox, and pointed at a member of the audience. "Who invited your monochromatic ass?!"
Oh, yeah. These two hated each other. Two sides of the same fuckboy coin, and yet the soft-spoken, adorkable, and sensitive-seeming Sai seemed to be a true herbivore, never having sex with the girls he's poached.
Hard to say which part pisses Charato off more: getting poached by his complete opposite, or getting poached and finding out his complete opposite let his food go.
If Sai hadn't been here, Sakura wouldn't have been so thrown off by Charato's involvement.
"I'm recording these proceedings. For posterity," he lifted the sketchpad and flipped it around, showing everyone individually a perfect courtroom sketch of a snarling Charato, finger thrusting beyond the page.
A peal of laughter escaped from Ino, and then she was down on the ground. She sparked off everyone's reactions, and soon they were all laughing from their bellies.
Ino snatched the sketchbook from Sai's hands, her eyes sparkling. "Can I keep this?"
"Whaddya want that for?" Charato whined, and Ino answered him before she did.
"Something to keep your ego in check, Charato," she mockingly tilted the sketchbook from side to side and stuck her tongue out.
Hinata ducked her head, failing to contain the faint snort. Charato's anguish was palpable now.
"Ahhhh, alright, alright! Enough! Me an' Hinata gathered you all here, so shut up and listen! Hinata, tell them!"
Hinata jolted out of her humor, her face flushing as if this were the first time she'd done public speaking.
Sakura's breath held.
Kiba leaned forward.
Ino put down the sketchbook.
"Uh, Uhm… Naruto-kun and I…"
'Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no,' Sakura's heart crossed like fingers and she began to lean forward too.
"We're foster siblings. We, uh… we live together," Hinata froze under their collective stares. With a stiff smile, she raised her hands and half-heartedly sang, "Ta-da," punctuating her announcement with embarrassed jazz hands.
Foster siblings.
They live together.
Naruto's been protecting her because they live together.
Naruto's been concerned about her well-being because they live together.
But that's not the reality anymore.
This sex maniac pervert and their sweet, diligent Hinata - their dignified enforcer of Public Morals - these unlikely two live together!
"And as our friends, you're the first to know," Naruto added. "Also we don't care if the whole school finds out. So don't worry, we're not sharing this out of confidentiality or anything."
Shikamaru provided a monotonous thumbs-up. Chouji ate potato chips. Sai asked for his sketchbook back. Kiba looked like he was still in shock. Sasuke had an intrigued smile that left Sakura feeling uneasy. And Ino was the first to ask a question.
"How long?"
Naruto turned to her. "Since we were six."
Six?! So like, they're entire lives?! Did they share baths back then?! Has he ever walked in on her by accident?! 'Oh, let me check your growth sister!', 'It's just a harmless prank sister!' Does he actually see her as a sister?! Or is the reason he's a sex maniac because he can't have her?!
Does Naruto's lifestyle not bother Hinata, at all?
Does she feel scared? Does she feel vulnerable sharing a home with him?
"Yeah, I don't know what's been going on with me lately, but my brain's been like a sieve once I leave cram school."
Sakura clenched her teeth and her blood began to boil.
Ino nodded, her expression unfazed. Sakura had no idea what was going through her head right now. She didn't understand how she could be so cool about all of this.
Kiba's arm raised dumbly, a finger stretched out, pointing at Hinata. "But you said you have parents. We've just never seen them 'cuz you said they wouldn't show up anyways-"
Hinata nodded, her expression solemn. "Even if we had still lived with them, that would be true. The state had to remove us, but luckily our neighbor stepped in so Neji and I wouldn't be separated. All our PTAs have taken place at home. The only time Kurenai-san came out was to attend Neji's elementary graduation."
"Yeah, her parents are pieces of shit, but Kurenai-obasan is awesome," Naruto interjected, in an effort to remain relevant. It was eye-roll inducing.
"Hey, man! Those are still her parents," Kiba cut in as he got to his feet, indicating that Naruto needed to pay more attention.
Those blue eyes darted in Hinata's direction, catching the discomfort just barely hiding beneath her schooled expression. Everyone's heads shook in unison, with Sasuke appearing more facetious than the rest.
"What about that child that showed up alone to the School Festival?" Shino said.
"She's my sister. She's ten and her name is Hanabi. We didn't know the other existed until she found my mother's maternity book with my name on it," her voice grew quiet towards the end, her eyes taking on a faraway look. "I've never been that mad before, but I'm going to make the most of this and get to know her better."
Naruto stood around with his hands in his pockets, looking more and more out of place in all of this.
Sakura couldn't believe she was doing this. She was normally more inclined to let him fester in irrelevance, but here she was, about to give him back the mic.
"Naruto. You got anything else you'd like to say?"
He perked up, then looked uncharacteristically unsure. "I guess that... me an' Hinata were getting worried we were growing apart, so we're fixing that now, y'know?"
Hinata nodded, placid eyes unreadable."Yes. I don't want to forget that we're family."
Sakura squinted at her friend. There was something she was trying so hard to suppress, but what?
Suddenly Ino stood up, proving to Sakura that she had detected something long before. She pointed at Hinata, then pointed at herself. "You. We're going to a family restaurant after school, and we're going to talk," Turquoise eyes pointing at every male present like daggers. "Girl-talk."
Kiba deflated, while Shino's mouth curved in the faintest of frowns.
Sasuke let out a playfully defeated sigh. "But I can girl-talk."
Ino mimed dry-heaving.
Hinata had no idea what she was doing following this child around, being lead from booth to booth, watching her pick up snacks and play games as they went. She was asked if she wanted taiyaki, but she hadn't the stomach for it. She was asked if she wanted to help win her a plushie, but she was too numb to respond.
Everyone was looking at them.
Clubmates and classmates alike made comments in passing.
"Hinata! Looks like your sister finally found you!"
"What? A sister?"
"Whoa, shocker! You're not an only child?"
"Oh! And I thought Sai was fuckin' with me!"
"Huh? Who's that?"
"Guess Hyuuga-san can't be mysterious and secretive forever."
And then there was Naruto's face angled above the river of bodies, wide-open eyes filled with panic and confusion.
She ducked her head down. She can't imagine how he must have felt arriving at the infirmary only to not find her there. He definitely has the look of a frightened parent who lost their child in the crowd. She was too ashamed to stay in that bed and face him. She was too numb to answer her phone. Now she was too ashamed for having prolonged his panic.
Hanabi tugged at her skirt, pointing at another booth ahead. Following her lead Hinata close to Naruto, who began to push his way through to reach her.
The dread rose up and up her throat like bile, and for a morbid moment, she saw herself misbehaving further and puking on his shoes.
His presence was always like the sun, at times warm and welcoming, other times overbearing and suffocatingly hot.
Was she sweating?
It felt oppressively hot.
It was November.
Why does he gotta bring the desert to her in the middle of November?
"Hinata," his reached for her shoulder, but his touch was an iron brand. She flinched away, avoiding his eyes. "You have to go back to the infirmary."
"Mm-mm, mm-mm." she shook her head, appearing five years younger than the child who was dragging her around.
"Hey!" the child chirped as she skipped through a throng of bodies, another palm-sized plushie added to the others hooked inside her left arm. Her cunning upturned eyes scrutinized Naruto who stood so close to her Onee-san. "Is this your boyfriend?"
Naruto froze up, a hand reaching behind his head as he sputtered to explain without making things weird.
"He's someone that was nice to me in grade school," Hinata said detachedly.
"Uh, yeah," The right half of Naruto's face pinched in mild disagreement, finding her answer a bit more impersonal than he was going for.
"What? That's all?" Hanabi's open-mouth frown made her look like the goldfish she had tried to scoop earlier. She seemed thoroughly bored by this revelation.
Hinata also caught an indignant look from Naruto, whose eyes seemed to ask 'Yeah, that's all?'.
Hinata's eyes squeezed shut as she pressed her fingertips to her temple and cradled her face. "No, I forgot," she moaned as she fought against her vertigo. "You're trying to befriend the whole school by graduation."
"Hell yeah! and I'm halfway there, too."
Hanabi tried to parse the air between them as her gaze bounced from him to her and her to him and back again.
A good-humored smirk curved her lips. "Looks like you have a long ways to go with Onee-san. I'll give you a headstart," and with that, she squeezed through the crowd to try her luck at another booth.
"What the fuck," he breathed. "I thought Sai was fucking with me again."
Hinata nodded numbly, having had heard that phrase for the tenth time now.
"You really..." He turned towards her, his words dying mid-breath. "How old is she?"
"Ten," she whimpered. "Her birthday's in March."
His head whipped as he took several takes between her and Hanabi. He's assessing with his own eyes and verifying it against their history.
Kurenai had taken them in the summer before. Her parents must have gotten pregnant shortly after.
He watched as Hanabi threw the baseball on a string. After a couple of near-misses, she finally got it through the 300pt hole.
"She's pretty athletic, huh?" But when he had turned back towards Hinata, she had disappeared. "Hinata? Hinata! Hey, Hinata! Hinata!"
She envisioned disappearing off the face of the earth, becoming a blank silhouette in everyone's memories. It's what she wanted. She willed it to happen in the most painless way possible, but the more she desired it, the more her thoughts frightened her.
The pool was covered during this time of year. The rooftop was fenced with net-wire and green mesh. The train station was too far away. Plus, she couldn't ditch school like that. She was the Public Morals Committee President.
Eventually, she found a dark place to hide, in the back of the storage room behind all gym mats and volleyball bins.
Sunlight dimmed as her heart continued to beat in this abyss. Three hours must have passed, she presumed.
And then there were footsteps. And suddenly the storage room door shoved open, violently colliding with the stopper, and he found her. His features were smeared, but she knew it was him, knew by his blond hair and stubborn aversion to the uniform blazer. His words were muffled, but his voice rang familiar in her heart. That honey-like warmth, that boyish rasp. But his hands… his hands felt like rusted rebar around her upper arms as he tried to pull her up, and she resisted. She twisted away. And she said…
"Neji-niisan's my only family," though garbled and soggy with anguish, he still heard her, because his whole body froze, and his hands fell away. "Go tell her that."
His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. Then he left the storage room without a word.
When the events concluded and the day ended, he came back for her. He still accompanied her when she declared that she was going to see Neji. He tried to support her in properly expressing herself, saying she just needed to vent. Maybe he just wanted to push her into saying more things like earlier, anything to make his next decisions easier.
It never came to that.
But it came close.
She wasted Neji's time, sitting catatonic on a park bench outside the dorms.
Neji had pulled Naruto aside, possibly to instruct him or scold him, whichever. Because soon tempers flared in an uncomfortably familiar way, and their silent screaming steadily rose into a terse shouting match.
She doesn't remember getting up to stop them. Her body must have acted upon memory. One hand on Neji's shoulder and the other meeting nothing but frigid air.
Naruto hovered off to the side. He looked like a fidgety horse ready to bolt.
"Take her home," Neji had said. "Watch over her. If you screw up, you're dead."
That rusted rebar grip clamped around her wrist as he tugged her to his side. "Was that always part of our agreement? Y'know, I forgot to read the fucking fine print!"
"Just do-" Neji stopped himself short, shaking his head, sighing at length as he began the walk back to his dorm.
"'Just do' what? My job?! Because it's my fucking job, isn't it!" he screamed at Neji's back. The sound of his voice shredded her soul.
He tugged her arm like a leash, and she followed him.
She didn't remember the train ride back. Barely noticed when they had gotten home.
He walked her to the couch and left her there. He had to disappear into his bedroom.
Whether this rebellion was petty or principled, she didn't know.
If he wanted to screw up and see what happened, then maybe that was another thing he hoped would make his next decisions easier.
Maybe he wasn't worried about her, at all.
She didn't show up for the second day of the School Festival. Kurenai called the teacher's office and told them she had caught a cold.
Apparently, Naruto hadn't gone to school that day, but he wasn't at home either.
The dreams she had that day were disorienting. If time were a flat circle, it had the diameter of pencil lead. The future sank into the mouth of the past and was regurgitate into a constellation of possibilities. Possibilities that occurred all at once. She lived through every outcome. Relived eleven thousand childhoods and dealt with the bad hands all over again.
She got so sick of it, sick of living a life centered on herself that she finally woke up, with a sharp, stabbing cramp of an empty stomach threatening to twist her body and pull her beneath her ribcage.
The front door opened and closed. A pair of shoes came off in the genkan.
He stood there, leaning against the entryway, wary blue eyes watching her.
Was this another dream? Was she reliving the day she met him? If so, he looked so tall for a six year old.
"Hinata," he called, tentatively.
His voice was much too deep for a six year old, too.
She could taste saline in her mouth. She blinked back her tears, but more just kept coming.
"I'm sorry."
AN: I'm a slave to my moods. The last scene I originally rewrote to be lighter, but now I went and rewrote it back to angsty and it's even way, way, way angstier than the first time around! XD Actually, now that I think about it, I'm going to write the day that Naruto didn't attend school nor stayed home.
Thank you for reading!