AN: Here we are, another chapter here.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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After he finished the dishes, Daryl sat down to read the newspaper. He didn't press the issue when Carol finally rejoined him outside of Jack's nursery, bringing the boy with her to play among the toys that he had strewn all around the living room. She needed a little time and that was one thing they happened to have in abundance.
When it was time to pick June up from school, Daryl gave Carol a little more space and a little more time while he went to get their daughter, and he gladly spent the rest of the late afternoon with the children while Carol made calls about the dresses that she would be a little delayed in finishing, citing her reason as a family issue that had been resolved practically as quickly as it had begun.
Carol prepared their evening meal with the same care that she always did, and Daryl helped her put the children to bed because their little ones were mostly accustomed to bedtime being a family affair.
After the children were asleep, Carol worked on dresses until Daryl finally called her to bed with the promise that any dress not finished by that hour was better suited to wait for another day. Then he watched her from the bed as she went through the same routine that occupied her nearly every single night.
"If you're quiet 'cause you got a lot on your mind," Daryl offered, "then I don't mind it. If you're quiet 'cause I did somethin' to upset you, though, then I think you owe it to me to tell me what it is so I got a chance to set it straight."
Carol looked at him, sliding into bed, with her brow furrowed and her mouth slightly open.
"Am I quiet?" She asked.
Daryl laughed to himself. She sounded genuinely surprised that he would suggest that she was being quiet.
"You ain't hardly said ten words all evening that weren't necessary," Daryl said. "You telling me that it's just 'cause you got a lot on your mind?"
"I didn't realize I was being quiet," Carol said. She sounded genuine enough. "I guess I have a lot on my mind. I'm sorry—I shouldn't have left you to entertain yourself all day."
"Don't apologize to me," Daryl said. "I wasn't looking for an apology. But—you think you might want to tell me what it is that's on your mind? There's a lot more room out here than there is in there."
Carol laughed to herself.
"What isn't on my mind?" She asked. She sighed and settled back into her pillows, rearranging the blanket as though it needed it so soon after she'd slipped into bed.
"If you wanna tell everyone," Daryl said, "then I meant what I said. We'll tell 'em. It don't matter if you're supposed to wait or you're not. You wanna tell, then you can tell. It's our news to share how we see fit and when we see fit."
Carol frowned at the obviously offending blanket.
"I don't want to tell everyone," she said. She shook her head, still looking at the blanket as though the conversation she was having was with it and not with Daryl. "Miss Josephine is right. It's only proper to wait a while and—and be sure that everything is as it should be."
"Maybe there's some truth to that," Daryl said. "But—I still mean it. You want to tell everyone, we'll tell 'em. As soon as tomorrow and that's just because I don't think half the town would appreciate us waking 'em up at this hour to say we're expecting."
Carol laughed to herself. It was the first break in her solemnness that Daryl had seen all day, so he'd take it. She looked at him, then, and the smile didn't entirely fade from her lips.
"I don't mind the waiting," Carol said. "I guess we've waited fourteen years, it won't hurt to wait a few weeks more."
"But?" Daryl asked.
"I didn't say 'but'," Carol responded.
"Maybe you don't have to," Daryl said. "Maybe I just heard it there, even though you didn't get around to saying it."
Carol nodded her head. She dropped her eyes back to the blanket for a moment. Then she brought them back to Daryl.
"But it just feels like—if we don't say anything that we're just ignoring it," Carol said. "And—part of me knows that's the way it's supposed to be. But the other part of me doesn't feel like ignoring it. We've waited so long. I just want—I want to feel every bit of the happiness that I imagined I'd feel before. But right now? I mostly just feel a little ill, Daryl. And—worried."
Daryl reached his hand over and caught Carol's hand. He held it, flexing his fingers to squeeze hers.
"Worryin' don't do no good," Daryl said. "And all I've ever heard was that worryin' was bad for babies. Not good for 'em. So how about you don't worry no more. Or, if you feel like you just have to worry? How about you just just—keep it down to ten or fifteen minutes a day? We'll just designate you a worry period and you can worry to your heart's content during that time, but just not outside of out."
Carol laughed to herself.
"I'm not sure that's how worry works," Carol said.
"I know it ain't," Daryl said quickly. "But I can wish it was."
Carol sighed.
"I'll try not to worry," Carol said. "For you."
"And for that baby you're carrying," Daryl offered.
"For that reason too," Carol said.
Daryl squeezed her hand in his. Physically he was holding her. Sometimes, when he remembered how she'd once been, he would feel a panic rising up in his chest. Like her, he worried too. The only difference was that, perhaps, they worried with different levels of intensity about things. Maybe, too, they worried about different things entirely. Sometimes the thing that Daryl feared the most was that he could hold her there physically, but that one day she might just slip away from him otherwise. He was sure, though, that she never realized that one of the reasons he enjoyed touching her so much was because he liked the reassurance that she was there. He seldom told her things like that, though, because he didn't want to remind her of things that they'd put behind them—even if he knew that they were both silently aware of them.
"You try not to worry," Daryl said. "And—I'll make it so that we're sure we don't ignore the baby."
"There's hardly a baby there," Carol said.
Daryl laughed to himself.
"More than enough not to ignore it," Daryl said.
"We can't say anything around June," Carol said. "Not until we're ready to say something to the whole world. She'll share it with everyone before we've even had a chance."
"We won't share it with June," Daryl said. "Not just yet. Maybe—we won't share it with anyone right now. Miss Josephine won't tell anyone and she's good on her word. Maybe for just the few weeks that we have to wait, we'll just share it between us. You and me. It'll just be our little secret that we share together like this."
"That's how it's going to have to be," Carol said. "If we're not telling anyone."
"Don't make it sound like it's sad, OK?" Daryl said.
Carol shrugged her shoulders.
"Maybe it's not sad," she said. "Maybe it's not really anything. Not yet. I mean—there isn't much to say about it. I know about it. You know about it. That's really all there is to say for now."
"You know," Daryl said, "you didn't really give me a chance to—say my congratulations about the whole thing. Or to say really anything about what I've been thinking since you told me."
Carol frowned at him.
"I wouldn't really think that you'd say congratulations, Daryl," Carol said.
"Why not?" Daryl asked.
"Because it's your baby," Carol said.
"Maybe I still want to say it," Daryl offered. "Maybe I got a lot of things to say."
Carol hummed at him.
"Then you know you're free to say whatever you want," Carol said. "I certainly won't stop you from saying whatever's on your mind."
Daryl lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the soft skin.
"Congratulations," Daryl said. "A thousand times—congratulations." The corners of her mouth turned up just slightly and Daryl swallowed back his own smile. It was such a simple word, but it was clear that it meant so much to her. "If there's anybody deserves to be a Mama again, Carol—it's you. And a thousand times over. But I know this is important to you. I know you've wanted this baby for so long—you wanted it even before you knew you did. So I'ma say it again. Congratulations."
"You're sweet," Carol offered softly.
"I'm honest," Daryl said. "If I'm anything, I'm honest."
"You don't have to congratulate me just because Miss Josephine took back her congratulations," Carol said. "And just because there's nobody else to say it."
"I'm not," Daryl said. "I'm sayin' it because I feel it. I'm also sayin' it because—I'm feeling a little overwhelmed myself."
"Worried?" Carol asked, furrowing her brows at him.
"Not about the baby," Daryl said.
"About me?" Carol asked.
Daryl nodded his head. Carol shook hers in response.
"You don't need to worry about me, Daryl," Carol tried to assure him.
"I always do," Daryl told her.
"I'm fine," Carol said quickly.
Daryl laughed to himself.
"Maybe that makes me just worry more, Carol," Daryl said. "Sometimes I feel best when you're not fine. When you're—just about anything else besides fine. At least then? Whether you're happy or you're sad or...whatever you are? I know you ain't lyin' to me."
"I'm not lying," Carol assured him. "But—I do want to know how you feel."
Daryl nodded his head.
"I feel—surprised. Because I weren't expecting this. I'd pretty much given it up. I figured we'd have maybe three or four more kids someday, but I didn't expect that they'd come to us like this. I feel—happy. Because I know how much you been wantin' us to have a baby between us and now it looks like that's coming to pass. I feel—a little bit selfish. Because you're sad that it ain't proper to share it with everyone else just yet and I'm thinkin' that I like the idea of it just bein' ours right now. Just something for you and for me. A secret that we know about and everyone around us just don't know. And I feel—somethin' that I don't know the right word for. Because you're my wife. You have been for a long time. And—whether or not we already got three kids? This is somethin' different for us both that we're sharin' together an' you're giving me a child, Carol. You're makin' our home even more complete than it was before."
Carol pulled her hand free from Daryl's and she changed her position in the bed. She rubbed her fingers across his cheek and cupped his jaw before she kissed him. The kiss was slow and Daryl savored it. He tasted her mouth and toyed with her tongue, holding the kiss as long as she'd allow. Something in her eyes was dark, though, when she pulled away from him.
"You deserve to have a baby that's come from you," Carol said. "Something of you to leave the world. Isn't that what your brother says?"
Daryl laughed to himself.
"My brother's an idiot that I'd rather not discuss in bed," Daryl said. "Not when my wife is lookin' so damn beautiful and I've got a taste to spend a little time just loving with her."
"If something happens," Carol said, "then I've just failed you. There won't be a baby."
Daryl shook his head at her.
"If somethin' happens? They was still a baby," Daryl said. "Whether it's—just between us forever or not? It's still there now. Real as it'll ever be. And it'll still be real. Even if we're just—holdin' onto it by ourselves. You understand?"
"You'll be disappointed," Carol said.
"I will," Daryl said. "And so will you. We'll be disappointed together. But I won't be disappointed at you. You ain't let me down yet, Carol. Never. Not once. I don't think you're about to start. I don't wanna talk about the bad that could happen, though. I don't wanna think about it. What I think we ought to do is spend our time thinking about the good. I got a good feeling about it all. Don't you? They say good things come to those who wait, and we've sure put in our time waitin' on this little miracle to happen. Why would we believe, then, that it ain't our miracle to have?"
"I didn't even think it couldn't be until—Miss Josephine said that," Carol said. "I didn't even think about it. From the moment they told me I was just—wrapped up in thinking that everything we've waited for was finally coming to pass. We thought it would never happen and...I could hardly believe it."
Daryl smiled.
"Then let go of what the hell she said, Carol," Daryl said. "And hold onto what you feel. That's all you gotta do. Let go of what she said and hold onto what you know. In there. In your heart. Because that's all that matters. What you know and what I know. And if there's somethin' we gotta deal with? We'll handle it. We always do, but there ain't no need in dealing with somethin' that just might never need to be dealt with."
"Maybe I'm scared to let myself get too carried away," Carol said. "Maybe I'm scared to get too caught up in daydreams."
"I been scared of that before myself," Daryl said. "But—I let myself get caught up in a daydream about what might could be one time before. And I'd say it turned out alright for me. Got me a wife that I wouldn't trade for the world. One that's supported me through just about anything I've had a mind to do. Got me three kids that make me pretty sure it's worth gettin' up in the morning." He winked at her. "Got me another little one on the way that—come May? I'm gonna be walkin' down the street just crowin' about how my baby's havin' me a baby and I'm as proud as any man ever was."
"I'm a daydream?" Carol asked with a laugh, leaning on Daryl's chest. He moved his hands, coaxing her to come back for a kiss and she obeyed him. The kiss was a little different than the first, and this time she nipped at his lips playfully as she pulled away from him.
"Best dream I ever had," Daryl said. "So—what do you say you stop worryin'? Because that weren't exactly the activity I had in mind for filling up our bedtime hours tonight."
Carol smiled at him, the corner of her mouth just turning up.
"What did you have in mind?" Carol asked.
"A lesson," Daryl said. "In just—how it was that baby we got, got to bein' there in the first place. I think—I mighta forgot how such a thing happened. Maybe I need you to teach me again."
Carol laughed to herself.
"It's pretty easy," Carol said. "Even if it took us fourteen years to get it just right."
"Then why don't you just come the rest of the way over here," Daryl offered, "and show me just how we finally got it right?"