Hey guys!
This chapter is one of the longest I've written. So I'll be short in my introduction. Thank you for all of the support! I appreciate it, and it motivates and inspires me to keep writing this. It's exciting to see others excited about this idea!
Enjoy this extra long chapter!
Once they had taken off, Ben retreated to the main hold. Rey left the control of the ship to Chewie and she followed him. They had so much to talk about, and Rey was relieved to have enough time for discussion. She found Ben at the booth with his face buried in his folded arms which were resting on the dejarik table. Rey moved to the open side of the booth and slid over until she was right next to Ben. She placed her hand on his back as a comforting gesture.
"Until we fix the compressors and sub-alternators, it's too dangerous to drive the ship at light speed. For now, we are cruising safely through the inner rim." Rey assured Ben as he turned his head to look up at her. She continued "We should make it to Tatooine once the hyperdrive is secure. Chewie was working on it. For now…I think we should talk."
Ben sat up and ran his hand through his hair to put it back in place. Rey's hand slipped from his back and found a place on the dejarik table. Ben grabbed her hand and looked into her face. He couldn't get enough of her.
Rey sensed his expectancy, and she continued, knowing Ben was a man of few words.
"The food Rose gave you on Ajan Kloss…it did more than paralyze you…I'm sure you've noticed." Rey paused for a response from Ben. Ben looked down with a smirk.
"I know exactly what it did." He replied.
"You do?" asked Rey curiously.
"I've read the Jedi texts." Ben cleared his throat "More than once, as a part of my Jedi training."
Of course, Rey thought. She felt so silly for assuming Ben was in the dark about matters like this.
"You don't seem very concerned," Rey observed. As contemplative as Ben was, his thoughts were far from his force abilities. Rey had noticed he had not even attempted to use his powers since he was incapacitated.
"Ms. Tico gave me food laced with a potion created by Dathomir Witches to dissolve one's muscle memory of force-related abilities," Ben explained almost as if he was reading the text itself. His face remained neutral and unbothered by that fact. He knew exactly what Rose had done the moment he dropped to the floor of his cell on the forest moon. Part of him was even relieved.
"I still know about the force, and I remember my training, at least…in theory." Ben continued, amused at the way he was explaining something Rey had psyched herself up to tell him. "But if you asked me to bring over the wrench sitting on the other side of the room with the force, I wouldn't be able to." Ben said "I'm more than out-of-practice…It's as if I've never practiced. I'm back at square one."
Rey locked eyes with Ben again, a smile on her face in admiration of Ben's knowledge and his nonchalant demeanor. "I can teach you again," Rey suggested. Ben's eyes glimmered with hilarity and he chuckled. Rey wanted to take offense, but Ben's merriment was so uncharacteristic and heartwarming and she couldn't be annoyed. Her smile broadened. "What?" She asked.
"I think you could teach me again." Ben mused, "But I think I'm alright without the force for a while."
"Oh?" Rey asked.
"I never wanted that life." Ben's smile somewhat sunk. "The force, no matter how incredible, has got me in more trouble than I care for now."
Rey ruminated over Ben's words. She had so many questions about the force and their dyad connection. She was so eager to explore these curiosities with Ben. She had hoped he would have been just as eager, but now she tried her best to understand where Ben was coming from.
"What will you do instead?" Rey asked.
"Well, I'm not completely useless," Ben stated. He could tell Rey was disappointed. After all, it had been the force that had connected them. He was curious about what it meant to be a dyad, however, he appreciated the reprieve that the resistance had given him; by making him almost average. He wanted to make the most of this second chance.
"I've got other skills." Ben reassured Rey "As my dad always said: there is no substitute for a good blaster at your side"
Rey grinned. The love she had for Ben was so unexpected, yet so overwhelming. With her free hand, she reached up and placed it on Ben's cheek. A euphoria passed through both persons. The kind of euphoria one feels when they arrive home after a long time away.
Ben reached up to his face and placed his hand over hers. He didn't know who he was going to be, now that he wasn't Kylo Ren. All he did know was he was prepared to follow Rey to the edges of the Universe.
Join me…Ben's thoughts flicked to the moment he asked Rey to follow him after their small victory against Snoke. He had asked her to follow him down a dark path. No… Ben thought, Not anymore.
Instead, he had joined her.
Ben dropped his hand from his face to Reys and with urgency, leaned in…
He paused before her face and gazed lovingly into her eyes. Han Solo might have moved to kiss right about now, but Ben's fear of rejection was stronger than that. With Rey, he'd learned how to let her make the first move. That's something she adored about him. When they had first met, he tried to convince her he could take anything he wanted.
Rey hadn't let him get away with thinking that.
So every moment after, all he had done was offer.
He offered to teach her the force... he offered his hand... he even offered her the galaxy.
He offered his life to help her fight Palpatine.
Rey was picky about which offers she accepted, and Ben knew that.
He stayed close to her face and Rey finally closed the gap. She wrapped both her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. Ben put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Embracing her, and her acceptance of him.
Rey felt so complete in Ben's arms. She felt so whole. She felt a yearning to eliminate any distance between them. They were like magnets...
When they stopped kissing to take a breath they sat there with their foreheads connected. With ignorance, they delighted in their aloneness…in their oneness...
Until Chewbacca trilled from the hallway.
Rey looked over at Chewie, her arms still partially attached to Ben. Ben had pulled away further, in apprehensiveness at Chewie's presence.
"What is it, Chewie?" She asked.
In his Kashykkian language, Chewie let Rey know he was ready to repair the sub-alternators and the compressor.
"Ok, I'll come and help in just a moment," Rey reassured, looking back at Ben.
Chewie whined in protest. Rey looked over again in confusion. She looked at Ben and translated. "He wants your help," Rey told Ben.
Ben smiled slightly, and nervously. "I heard…I speak Shyriiwook."
Rey let go of Ben and brought her hand to her mouth to chuckle. She kept embarrassing herself by underestimating Ben. The gentle Ben Solo was so different from the ferociousness she had initially attributed to him when he was Kylo Ren.
She wanted desperately to show him her world, only for her to forget, that this was once his world too. It wasn't that she thought he wasn't capable, it was only that she couldn't help but be continually in awe of his knowledge and abilities. She was just starting to get to know him.
She compared the experience to the one she had when she left the sandy, hot and lonely planet of Jakku, and arrived on an endlessly green planet to find Maz Kanata with Han Solo. It thrilled her to no end. To her, Ben Solo was as beautiful and as unexplored as the forested Takodana.
She was a little peeved about relinquishing time with Ben so that he could help Chewie fix the ship. Yet, she discerned this is what was needed. She was sure Chewie had so many of his own unanswered questions for Ben.
"Go on." Rey ushered Ben out of the booth. "I'll return to the cockpit and make sure we stay on course."
Ben stood up and let Rey out of the booth. He watched her make her way past Chewie. She stopped just by Chewbacca and whispered something to him. Ben couldn't make out what it was. She then left him alone with the tall Wookiee.
Ben walked up to Chewie with his hands on his hips and his lips pressed together. "Where to?" He let out, his body awkwardly tense.
Chewie couldn't help but see Han Solo again in the young man's demeanor. Yet, there was one thing missing from the whole look… Chewie would see to that in a moment. For now, he simply stepped aside and put his arm out in the direction he wanted Ben to go. Ben walked past him and they made their way to the engineering bay.
Ben went into the room first and headed to the hyperdrive. He noticed only one of the sub-alternators was damaged and wondered what kind of help he could offer the Wookiee. Maybe he could find the compressor, and focus his energies on that.
"Chewie, where's the compressor?" Ben began to turn towards Chewbacca when he noticed he was being seized upon by the Wookiee. Before he had a chance to dodge, he was engulfed with fur. Ben coughed in surprise, the wind knocked out of him. When the shock subsided he realized Chewbacca had wrapped him in a hug. This was not strangulation. Ben relaxed and put his arms around the co-pilot.
"What's this for?" Ben asked. Chewie let Ben out of the hug, noticing his standoffishness. Ben felt bad for asking, but he couldn't help but be curious. "Have you forgiven me so quickly?" Ben breathed out a long sigh "After all I've done? I thought you would have blasted me already."
Chewbacca roared as if to say I already did.
"Oh right. How could I forget?" Ben placed his hand on his left abdomen, where Chewbacca had shot him after his father's death. He would normally feel the lingering effects of the blast, but there was nothing.
That's how Ben thought, answering his question. He had forgotten yet again, of all that had been healed by Rey's transfer of life on the wreckage of the Death Star. The physical proof of his misdeeds washed away as if with the waves of the ocean.
Ben placed his attention back on Chewie. "Why not finish the job?" Ben's tone was without venom. It was full of sincerity. He wanted to know. "You were more than indebted to Han. You were loyal to him." Ben breathed in shakily "And I killed him."
Chewie reached into one of his pouches and brought out a holoprojector. Ben looked at it with curiosity. A certain... understanding came to his mind as he waited in anticipation. Chewie activated the holoprojector and an old recording popped up.
It was Ben's father… Han Solo. A much younger version. The version Ben remembered the most.
Hey Chewie, you didn't pick up when I called, so hopefully, you get this recording. I'll be in Chandrila for another couple of days and I wanted to remind you to clean out the triple bunks when you leave Kashyyyk, and make sure to test the reflector shields! Listen there's nobody I trust more with the Falcon than you, but the last time I let you take her to Kashyyyk I was pulling Wookiee hair out of the wires for months!
Han paused in his recording to yell at someone out of the projection. Ben don't touch that or you'll go blind! Han returned his attention to his recording again. I swear that kid's going to be the death of me.
Suddenly another voice was heard. Han, don't say that. A younger Leia Organa entered the recording. She pressed herself against Han, peering up at him.
Ben had already begun to tear up. His lips pressed together. Eyes fixed on the old recording.
What? Han asked teasingly as he gazed down at Leia. I would rather it be him than Kanjiklub. They think they are so high and mighty, but they're barely a gang. Han turned back to the recording. Which reminds me, Chewie, don't let me forget that we need to find a way to keep them off our backs for a bit.
Leia spoke to the recording now. Chewie, no matter how much those gangsters beg, don't let Han get involved. Han looked back at Leia, with a look of mock offense. What makes you think I would get involved? Leia only smirked. Han looked back over into the distance.
Ben! What did I tell you? Put that thing away! It's not a toy! Leia looked over to where Han was looking as well. Suddenly, as if they forgot they were being recorded, they looked at each other.
You're a good father. Leia said. Ben loves you… Leia smiled …even when he doesn't listen. Han looked at Leia with a contorted look of mild disbelief.
Oh, he might tolerate me, but he adores you. Han said. He's a momma's boy. Can't say a blame him. I bet he'll turn out just like you.
I can see you in him. Leia argued.
See me? Han pointed to himself A scoundrel? A smuggler? A scruffy looking nerf herder? Han took Leia's hand and got closer to her as if to kiss her. Leia put a finger on his lips.
No. I see someone who… no matter if he makes a wrong choice… no matter if he leaves to who knows where for who knows what… Leia got closer to Han's face with every drawn-out sentence...for who knows how long... …will always return when you need him…to save the day. Leia then kissed Han.
They kissed until a tiny little voice was heard in the background.
Momma! A little Ben shrieked. Han and Leia looked down. Only the crop of dark hair could be seen in the projection. Suddenly, Han looked up at the recording. Alright furball, shows over! Han clicked the recording off, and the projection fizzled out.
Chewie turned to Ben who was fighting his tears. Now that the projection was over, he placed his hands over his face and began to sob. Chewie walked over to him and wrapped him in another hug. Ben buried his face in Chewie's fur and wept harder.
"I'm sorry…" was all Ben could muster through his sobbing gasps. Chewie ruffled young Solo's hair in an attempt to comfort him. Leia was right. Han always returned when he was needed. And so did Ben. Chewbacca's loyalty did not end with Han.
Many minutes went by while Ben let all of his grief wash out of him. He stepped away from Chewie and wiped the rest of his tears away with his hands.
"You didn't need my help with the sub-alternators did you?" Ben said humorously, but with remnants of his sadness. An attempt to shake away the vulnerability of the moment. Chewie had seen that same thing many times with Han. He laughed a Wookiee laugh and walked over to a storage bin. He threw it open and reached in to retrieve something. He brought out a blaster and handed it to Ben. Ben looked over the blaster and looked up at Chewie in amusement. Chewie then returned to the bin and brought out a brown holster. It was one of his dad's old ones he had retired. Still worked well in Chewie's opinion.
Chewie offered the holster to Ben and Ben took it with appreciation. "Now we're talking," Ben said. Chewie slapped Ben on the back and Ben launched forward almost losing his balance. Ben turned to face the Wookiee again. His focus... on something more pressing.
"Alright carpet… where is the compressor?"