Chapter 36: Pressure

As Sirius and Cassiopeia enjoyed each other's company, Tonks and Remus were attempting to do the same. Tonks felt pressured due to Cassiopeia's constant asking for her to be S.J's godmother. Tonks insisted several times that she was not an ideal guardian, but neither Sirius nor Cassiopeia would hear her arguments. They were both convinced that she was a perfect choice, and Tonks could not see why they thought so. Tonks also felt that she did not know Remus well enough to be a godparent with him. She felt that she knew Remus, but she simply could not remember him. Tonks wanted to know Remus better before she made a decision about being a godparent.

As soon as Cassiopeia went to bed, Tonks turned to Remus and grimaced. "Sorry. She's forcing me to make a decision on this."

"It's alright. I was just curious. Why can't you make a decision?" Remus asked quietly.

"Because I have other things on my mind," Tonks replied.

"Such as?" Remus asked.

"Like doing my job, watching out for the bounty on my head, trying to figure out who gave me this mark, and making sure my family is safe," Tonks said flatly.

"That is a lot," Remus said. "Not to be pushy, but Cassie is right."

Tonks slapped her forehead. "Not you, too. I can't think about this right now."

"I was only being honest. You're wonderful with S.J.," Remus said sincerely. "Cassie and Sirius just want someone to look after S.J. because they're scared. They understand."

"I can't take a baby into danger," Tonks said.

"S.J. is safe with you. You protected him all the time," Remus told her.

"Yeah, when I had Hogwarts protecting me," Tonks replied bluntly.

"But what about when Greyback attacked Cassie and S.J.? You saved them both," Remus said brightly.

"I figured if anyone should become a werewolf it should be me. That would only mean I could kill them easier," Tonks said honestly.

"You still protected S.J.," Remus said optimistically. "I'm not trying to push you, I just know you're good for S.J."

"I'd rather not be pressured at all," Tonks said, annoyed.

"I know. Cassie doesn't mean to. She just wants her son safe if she can't-"

Before Remus could finish, Tonks interrupted him. "I'm sorry. I can't-"

Just then, Tonks' cell phone rang. "Ugh! I can't think if my phone rings off the hook. Hello…yes, I know, Jason."

While Tonks was occupied with her conversation, Remus went upstairs and found Cassiopeia outside the hall in her dressing gown.

Cassiopeia smiled at him. "So, getting acquainted?"

Remus shook his head. "No, she's on the phone again. Someone named Jason."

"How do you feel about being a godfather?" Cassiopeia asked. "Sorry I didn't ask before."

"I'm fine with it," Remus replied. "She, however, is hesitant."

Cassiopeia sighed. "I don't know why. Sirius told me what she said. She's the perfect choice."

"She feels that she wouldn't be able to take care of him," said Remus.

"Rubbish!" Cassiopeia scoffed. "What has she been doing this whole time?"

"Do you mean today, or while you were gone in Azkaban?" Remus asked, perplexed.

"Both," Cassiopeia replied.

"Well, from what I can tell, she's being studying to become an Auror since she left Hogwarts and killing werewolves in her spare time," Remus told her.

Cassiopeia shook her head. "No, I mean, what has she been doing for Remus?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders. "No idea."

"She protected him while he was still in my belly and after and she didn't have to," Cassiopeia said earnestly. "That's why Sirius and I chose her. She's the best Auror since Mad-Eye. Remus will be safe with her."

Remus knew Cassiopeia meant well toward her son and Tonks, but he was concerned for Tonks' sake as well. "Cassie, you can't pressure her. She has a lot on her mind."

"I know, I know," Cassiopeia said calmly. "I'm just worried. If…if I should die."

Cassiopeia could not help a shiver run down her spine. Even under the protection of her new home, Cassiopeia knew that she and Sirius were still being hunted by both the Muggles and the Ministry. The thought of being incarcerated or killed still haunted her.

"Hey, try to stay positive, Cassie," Remus said cheerfully.

Cassiopeia was incensed. She did not know how Remus expected her to be optimistic while she and her husband remained fugitives.

"You try having Muggles and the Ministry on your tail, and let's see who's positive!" Cassiopeia snapped.

"I'm sorry. I get that. I really do," Remus said sympathetically.

"No, you don't! You have no idea!" Cassiopeia said angrily. "You don't have a spouse, and you don't have a baby. You don't know what it's like to have everyone you love taken away!"

It was Remus's turn to be cross. "Yes, I do! I lost my mother to those heartless monsters, and my father was tortured so badly, he might as well be dead."

Tonks came up the stairs with her cell phone pressed to her ear and was perplexed to see Cassiopeia and Remus glaring at each other.

"Um…did I miss something?" she asked, confused. "No, not you, Jason. I'll call you back."

Tonks hung up her phone and stared at Cassiopeia and Remus. "What's going on?"

Cassiopeia crossed her arms. "Apparently, Moony thinks he knows what I'm going through," she said crossly.

"Uh, Remus, not to be mean, but you don't," Tonks said honestly.

"Thank you, Nymphie," Cassiopeia said. "Moony doesn't know what it's like to have a son and spouse taken from you, or have people chuck you in Azkaban."

"Right. So why don't we just stop arguing?" Tonks asked calmly.

"Thank you, Nymphie," Cassiopeia said.

"Glad I could be a peacemaker," Tonks said slyly.

"Sorry, Cassie. I don't know what that feels like," Remus said remorsefully.

"Apology accepted," Cassiopeia said warmly. "Come here, you!"

Cassiopeia warmly embraced Remus.

Thank God, Tonks thought to herself.

"There, now. Seeing as everyone is safe, I have to get going," Tonks said casually.

"Please do think hard about being a godmother. For Remus," Cassiopeia pleaded.

Tonks wanted to scream hearing Cassiopeia ask her to be a godmother once again. Tonks knew that Cassiopeia meant well, but she was aggravated by her asking time and time again.

"Okay, Aunt Cassie! Good grief, do you have to pressure me so much?" Tonks snapped. "There are a lot of things on my mind that are a little more important."

"Nymphie, calm down. I was only asking," Cassiopeia said. "I just want to make sure that my son is taken care of if I can't be there."

"And I want to make sure that I'm not dead," Tonks said flatly. "Did you know there is a bounty on my head?"

"Yes, and there's one on mine and Sirius's," Cassiopeia answered.

"Was yours put on your head by a monster?" Tonks asked.

"Yes and no," Cassiopeia replied.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "No, it wasn't," she said, annoyed. "I have to go. Jason is worried about me. He's outside."

"Goodnight, Nymphie," Cassiopeia said. "Say hello to Jason for me."

"I will," Tonks said.

Before Tonks could walk out the door, Cassiopeia stopped her. "Nymphie!"

"What, Aunt Cassie?" Tonks asked.

Cassiopeia tightly embraced Tonks.

"What was that for?" Tonks asked.

"I wanted to thank you for what you've done these past few weeks," Cassiopeia said sincerely.

"Don't think anything of it, Aunt Cassie," Tonks said humbly.

Cassiopeia sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for nagging you about being a godmother."

"No, you're not," Tonks said dryly.

"Alright, I'm not," Cassiopeia admitted. "I just wanted you to realize that you are good for Remus."

"Could you please say S.J.?" Tonks asked. "You're confusing me when you say Remus."

"Fine. You're good for S.J.," Cassiopeia replied. "Point is, Sirius and I, our lives are too unpredictable at the moment. We're under threat of being locked up or killed. We just want to leave our son with someone who will take care of him."

"I understand, Aunt Cassie," Tonks said. "but I really need to think about this. I hardly know the man who is going to be the godfather, and I need to sort out my life."

"I understand that, too. I just hope that you say 'yes' when you have thought about it," Cassiopeia said.

"I will think about it. I gotta go now. I'll see you later. Say hi to Remus, S.J., and Sirius for me," Tonks said.

"I will. See you soon, Nymphie," Cassiopeia said.

"Bye, Aunt Cassie," Tonks said, giving Cassiopeia a tight hug.

As Tonks ran into Jason's embrace, she felt her burden ease. Tonks knew she had a great deal to do before she decided if she was going to be a guardian to S.J. Tonks only hoped that she would make the right choice.

Tonks looked up at Jason with a smile. "Hey Jason, I missed you," she said and promptly kissed him.

Jason returned her smile as his hands dropped from her shoulders to her waist.

"Hey Beautiful, how was teaching at Hogwarts?" he said.

"Tiring. Please tell me that we aren't playing tonight?"

"No, not till tomorrow. I was able to talk to the club owner into rescheduling our appearance. I said it was a family matter."

"Thanks."

The two walked in silence for a while then Tonks sighed.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Jason asked.

"It's nothing, just my cousin sort of forcing me to be godmother to her son. I don't think I'm the right choice, but she won't let up." Tonks said, smiling.

"You were almost a mother once."

"Don't start that again."

"Aren't you Iris's godmother?"

"Yes, but I was younger then. I didn't know any better. I'm not fit to raise a child. Not Arella's, not my cousin's, not even the one I lost."

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm a killer, Jason, and you and I both know it."

"You didn't do that on purpose."

Jason pulled her into his arms as he spoke. He kissed her forehead. "How about we not think about that and head back to my place for a while?"

"Hm...that sounds really good right now."

The two then walked into the night together.

A/N: Aw, poor Tonks. Will she ever have time to make a decision? Thank you so much to all of my readers. You know who you are! I thank all of you so much. To my buddy Roza Anne, you make this story fun. Thanks!

P.S. Just explaining again: Jason is Tonks' former boyfriend and part of her band. Arella is Tonks' friend and a guitarist in her band. They are characters in my friend Roza Anne's story, Beauty and the Man Behind the Beast. Our stories are linked. I highly recommend reading her story because it's wonderful.