Duran-kun and Kiyo-chan's Omake Theater!

(featuring the Kuga-Fujino family pets)

"I'm hungry," Natsuki said aloud. Since the only ones there to hear her were Duran (industriously demolishing a chew-toy bone) and Kiyohime (napping on her pillow), her comment did not immediately produce outbursts of sympathy. This was the problem with her girlfriend and housemate spending so much time at the university in the evening this week working on her research project while Natsuki was stuck at home studying for exams. Seriously, what good is it dating someone on a different educational level if you don't have different schedules? We ought to be able to take turns taking care of each other when one of us is busy!

Deciding that the hunger problem wasn't going to solve itself, Natsuki pushed herself up from the low table and headed into the kitchen. Unfortunately, she soon realized that the lack of free time she and Shizuru had had over the past week had also led to a lack of shopping. Supplies were at critical levels; she was even out of instant meals. Luckily, there was still hope, since there was a nearly full tube of mayonnaise, Natsuki's favorite condiment. She wasn't a very good cook, but there was very little that she could screw up badly enough that mayo couldn't save. She'd set dinner on fire once and it had been still edible...marginally...with enough mayonnaise.

She was lucky enough to find one slice of bread, so she decided on an open-faced sandwich. Leftover take-out containers from the last couple of days provided a somewhat unique selection of toppings. I hope Shizuru wasn't saving that half of her salmon patty for anything special, she thought nervously, before hunger won out over fear and she added it to the stack, then prepared to apply the mayo.

R-RING!

Natsuki nearly jumped out of her socks when the phone rang. Heart still pounding at the shock, she grabbed the handset from the cradle.

"What?" she snapped.

"Gee, nice to talk to you too, Natsuki."

"Mai! Um...sorry; I was making dinner and the phone startled me. Did you need something?"

"What, I can't call you up just to chat? Haven't you figured out how this 'friend' stuff is supposed to work yet?"

"Mai, it's been a really long day..."

"Okay, okay, I'll cut to the chase. Actually, I do need something: your body."

Dead silence reigned for about three seconds.

"I get more than enough of that from Shizuru, thanks."

"Not like that! Chie, Aoi, and I are throwing an after-exams karaoke party on Tuesday night and we want you to come! Bring Shizuru with you."

"Mai, I'm not a karaoke person, and—"

"Now, Natsuki, think of it like this. If you say yes, you get to hang out with your friends, have fun, stuff yourself with pizza, and make points with your girlfriend by asking her out. On the other hand, if you say 'no' and word of the invitation just happens to get around to her, Shizuru will tease, beg, and cajole you into going anyway, and she'll make you sing the most embarrassing songs possible to punish you for trying to sneak out of it. Probably in costume. And then ask Chie to e-mail her the pictures."

"...I'll be there." Sometimes she wondered if Mai had been able to beat the Obsidian Prince because a giant, millennia-old, alien demon-thingy just fell way too short in its amount of comparative evil.

"Yay! Bye, Natsuki; be there at five-thirty. Oh, and don't worry about paying; Mikoto and I got Reito to agree to host it. Bye!"

"Bye, Mai." Yep, definitely just not evil enough to keep up with her. She set the phone back in the cradle, then turned back to her sandwich, only to realize that when the ringing phone had startled her, she'd accidentally clenched her fist on the mayo tube, forcibly squeezing half of its contents out onto the plate. Her open-faced sandwich was now completely buried in a sea of white. There was no way to even pick the thing up unless she wanted to get her hands covered in mayonnaise.

"This...is a problem."

She put the mayo tube away, deciding that this was why Western companies sold mayonnaise in jars instead of flexible plastic tubes. It wasn't just that she'd wasted half their supply of her favorite condiment, but ruined dinner and there just wasn't anything else in the house to eat. If only there was some way to...

Wait. Western! Cutlery! She could cut the sandwich into bite-sized pieces! That would let her eat it without looking like she'd been playing in white finger-paints, and at least only have to eat the mayonnaise on top of each piece, clearing a little off the sides of each bite. Overloaded with mayo she could deal with, so long as it wasn't literally swimming in the stuff. And a fork could impale each piece and keep all the loose bits together in ways chopsticks weren't quite built for.

She hunted around in the drawers and came up with a metal knife and fork that looked like they were part of a cutlery set. Hm, I didn't know Shizuru ever served Western food. I'll have to ask her about that. Natsuki grabbed the food and headed back out to the living room. The clink of cutlery, predictably, caused seven heads to peek up over the top of the table at her.

"Oh, come on, you two. I fed you both an hour ago."

Seven sets of eyes looked at her plaintively, as if protesting that dog kibble and canned hydra food were a violation of the Geneva Convention.

"No," Natsuki remained firm. Seven throats whimpered plaintively enough to melt the cruelest heart, but Natsuki was as stone. She'd been studying all day, she was hungry, and she wasn't going to be broken by a bunch of lying animals! "Nice try, guys."

Grumbling, Duran and Kiyohime settled back down to resume napping while Natsuki commenced cutting the former-sandwich-in-mayonnaise-sauce. The first couple of bites proved quite edible, and she felt proud of herself for reaching a workable solution. Smugly, she flicked her knife around the third mayo-drenched piece, removing some of the excess condiment, when the doorbell rang.

"Who is that at this hour?" she groused, but got up and headed to the door.

"Shizuru!"

"Ara, Natsuki seems happy to see me," the university student said, smiling happily at her girlfriend's enthusiasm.

"I wasn't expecting you for at least a couple of hours."

"We finished our project early. I must admit, Haruka's enthusiasm is a very useful thing when it comes to such matters."

"As long as you're there to keep her pointed in the right direction. Can I get some of those bags? Your arms must be killing you." Natsuki was already taking the stuffed plastic shopping bags out of Shizuru's hands; she'd had four in one and three in the other, which was why she'd rung the bell instead of using her key.

"Thank you; I figured that so long as I had some time I would pick up a few groceries, as we are almost out."

"I noticed," Natsuki agreed. Duran, who'd come out with her to see what was going on, poked his nose into a bag to check for his favorite dog biscuits. "So did he."

Meanwhile, back in the living room, Kiyohime's fifth head slowly raised itself over the edge of the table. Glancing out to the foyer to make sure the humans were otherwise occupied, it snuck towards Natsuki's unattended plate.

"Anyway, thanks for this, Shizuru," Natsuki said, lifting the bags slightly to indicate what she meant. "Once I'm done with exams we can take a proper shopping trip. Oh, speaking of after exams, we're going to Mai's karaoke party on Tuesday."

"We are?"

"Yes. She blackmailed me with you."

"Ara, ara, I did not know that Natsuki considered me a threat," she remarked, changing out of her shoes.

"If I'm going to play dress-up for you, I just prefer it to be in the privacy of our own bedroom," Natsuki quickly said, recognizing the tone and realizing how she'd put her foot in it this time. Hey, I can learn!

"There are certainly advantages to doing it that way," Shizuru agreed with a smile. "Perhaps Natsuki would like to demonstrate her argument further tonight?"

"Stepped right into that one, didn't I?" Natsuki muttered. She didn't actually mind, but she'd figured out by now that it was more fun for Shizuru if Natsuki pretended to have to be teased into it. "Okay, but no school uniforms! I don't even want to think about school after all the studying I've done today."

Shizuru slipped her arms around Natsuki's waist.

"Don't worry," she said, almost purring. "I will be very sure to make certain Natsuki cannot think of school or anything else." She pressed a warm kiss against Natsuki's lips and the younger girl shivered, wondering just how it was that Shizuru had come to have such an effect on her. Love, I suppose.

"Groceries. Fridge. Now," she managed to say. Shizuru giggled, and they went through into the living room on the way to the kitchen, only to suddenly stop.

Kiyohime was lying in a very strange posture. Her fifth head lay limply on the table, eyes spinning, forked tongue hanging out from its mouth, its scales a pale lavender instead of their usual bright purple. The other heads looked down at it, hissing in tones that sounded not so much like concern and more like "I told you so."

Mayonnaise smears around its muzzle and a missing piece of sandwich told the tale.

"I told you you couldn't have any; it's your own damn fault," Natsuki was unsympathetic. The other five heads nodded firmly. Shizuru, however, looked from her hydra to the mayo-drenched plate and bit her knuckle nervously.

"Um, Natsuki, I think we really need to have a talk about your eating habits..."