Duran-kun & Kiyo-chan's Omake Theater

(featuring the Kuga-Fujino family pets)

"You want to tell me again why, exactly, I have to be here?"

Natsuki fixed Nao with a glare.

"You're the one who convinced me that I ought to be embracing the 'true meaning of Christmas' and that since it originated as a Western, Christian holiday it's only proper to look to Western, Christian cultures for how to celebrate it. And since that means a lot more decorating, a lot more cooking, and a whole lot more shopping, you get to help, Sister Nao." Looking around the crowded department store, she muttered under her breath, "My plan was to just dress up in red lingerie and a Santa hat and let Shizuru have her way with me. It wouldn't have been any less work, but at least I could have stayed in a warm bed instead of running around in the cold and getting headlocked by an old lady over a cashmere sweater."

"Okay, one, I do not want to hear about your sex life and if you keep talking about it no power on Earth will keep me here. Two, I just said that stuff because I don't have a boyfriend what with the whole nun thing and I want to get some loot out of this holiday. Three, I have to admit, that headlock was pretty damn funny. I think she'd have bulldogged you if she had the open floor space. Lucky Kiyohime there bit her so you could make a run for it."

Kiyohime was currently slung in a backpack-style carrier and had startled a number of people who were expecting to see a baby's face, not a purple hydra's six snakelike heads. The sixth head looked particularly smug, as it had been the one doing the biting.

Natsuki did not look smug. Natsuki looked like the only thing keeping her from booting Nao down the escalator was the thought that beating up a nun, even a part-time nun, was a really good way to end up on Santa's "naughty" list.

"Why'd you bring her, anyway?" Nao asked. "It can't just have been for crowd control."

"She wants to get something for Shizuru, too. And besides, she might have some ideas for good gifts."

"Seven heads are better than one, eh?"

"Eight. You're not getting out of this that easily."

"Fine, but if you buy an aluminum Christmas tree, I am not taking any of the blame."

"Geez, I'm not that hopeless."

"You just confessed to bringing a pet along to make gift suggestions."

Natsuki didn't really have a good comeback for that one.

"Whatever. Can we just—"

She was interrupted by Kiyohime's fourth head tugging on her earlobe.

"What is it?"

The other heads stretched out, pointing and hissing. Natsuki followed their gaze.

"Hey, that's not bad," Nao remarked. "The snake's got taste."

The fifth head hissed, annoyed to be called a snake, but since she was being complimented it wasn't very strident. Kiyohime had picked out a Christmas-themed Wedgewood tea set, with teapot, creamer, sugar bowl, cups, and saucers, white and trimmed with gilt and holly leaves like a wreath around the rims. It was perfect, particularly since Shizuru had been experimenting with various "Christmas" and "winter" blends of black tea for the past couple of weeks.

And then Natsuki's heart sank. Coming in from the other side was the same woman who'd gotten the cream-colored cashmere sweater that would have looked gorgeous on Shizuru.

"Damn it, not again!"

Kiyohime hissed angrily.

"What—oh. Uh oh."

"Nao, get over there and block her way."

"What? Why me? That lady's got shoulders like a linebacker, and it's your gift for your girlfriend we're talking about."

"One, this was all your idea. Two, you want to end up on my 'nice' list and get some of that loot you're hoping for. Three, with luck if she punches out a nun, even you, out of sheer avarice, maybe a lightning bolt will hit her and I'll get a free run at the tea set. And four, if we don't get that tea set, at this rate she'll just stalk us to the next thing we find for Shizuru, because it seems like that's the only stuff she's after. Now get going!"

"Woof," Nao said dryly, but launched on an intercept course while Natsuki bolted for the tea set.

~X X X~

"Well, the good news is that you only appear to have a sprained knee," the doctor said. "There's no sign of any ligament tearing or structural damage."

"That's a relief," his elderly patient said. "I tell you, young people today have no respect for their elders."

"Oh? If you don't mind my asking, what happened?"

"I was out Christmas shopping, and I found the nicest tea set for my granddaughter, when suddenly a nun flung herself in my path, and when she fell down from the collision, she kicked me in the side of the knee so I lost my balance and fell, too. It was absolutely shocking! It's a good thing I'd already found a lovely cashmere sweater for her, but I did so want to get her something else, too."

"I'm sure any granddaughter of yours is a properly polite girl who'd appreciate whatever you wanted to give her, Mrs. Fujino."