CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX – DISTANT RELATIVES (NatSuke)

When the whistle finally blew and signaled the end of the game, Daisuke whooped as he sat down on the ground, wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. Their other subjects had mellowed slightly in terms of schoolwork in the wake of the exams, but Physical Education decided to pick up where it left off when their instructor divided the class into four teams that played a game of football each. It was a tiring experience that was made worthwhile with moments that had the teams cheering each other on. Daisuke wanted to think that all the minutes he spent running and handling the ball on the open field contributed to his own team's victory, even though he managed to score none of the three goals that gave them the win.

On another team, Natsuki had performed in similar fashion, her small build giving her the speed necessary to direct the ball away from her opponents and set it up for her teammates to score. Their game, however, had ended in a stalemate at two points apiece when the clock ran out, though everyone agreed that it was a good game. Behind the face mask that she was still wearing, Natsuki's expression seemed unfathomable, though Daisuke knew from the look in her eyes that she had wanted to win.

In the male locker room with the other boys, everyone else began discussing the highlights of the games, causing the place to resonate with raucous laughter and friendly ribbing about who did what and who actually scored goals. Daisuke listened to them amusedly as he washed his face and changed out of his sweaty P.E. shirt. Soon, the talk shifted towards him and his efforts to help his team to a victory.

"Had to admit, you looked like you were gonna trip with the ball during the last minutes of the game, Daisuke!" said one of his friends as the others laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Hey, I was getting caught up, alright? Good thing I managed to make the pass too. If I didn't, we wouldn't have gotten that clincher," Daisuke told them.

"Were you planning on scoring the win all along?" asked another from the other end of the locker room. "Or were you just planning to impress Natsuki?"

A chorus of cheers and whoops resounded almost deafeningly around the locker room at this question. "Hey, I was just trying to play as best as I could, alright?" said Daisuke lightly. "And that's what Natsuki was trying to do as well."

But naturally, that only served to make the laughter and teasing even louder. Daisuke laughed with them. Being seen almost all the time with Natsuki had sent a wave of signals to everyone else about whether or not they were dating, or if they were actually a couple. He imagined with amusement how Natsuki would react to another such remark—in class, whenever Daisuke was teased about her, she would often distance herself from him with a blush and a scoff, and even he couldn't help but turn red as well even as he laughed things off.

Later at dismissal time, he met up with Natsuki outside the school doors, intending to keep her company in order to make her feel better about any disappointment she might have had from the game. However, Natsuki refused him, though not for the reason he had expected.

"I'm gonna be going to my aunt's," she told him. "I'll be picking up some things and the money she gives me and my dad every month."

"Oh, that's alright," said Daisuke. "Where does she live?"

"On the other side of town, close to the train station. It's gonna be a bit of a walk," Natsuki added with a sigh.

Daisuke looked at her, startled. "Wait, you mean you WALK all the way there?"

"Yeah. I don't have any extra money to take a cab or anything. Well, it's not like this is the first time I walked there, so it's alright."

"But Natsuki, that's pretty far. Do you—"

"No." Natsuki glared at him, evidently knowing what he was going to say. "I'll be fine on my own. I don't need you accompanying me there, okay? Besides, if my aunt saw me with you, she might ask more than a few questions."

"Well, I understand, but if you're gonna walk, t-then . . ."

Daisuke stopped, not wanting to add any more to Natsuki's annoyance, but it was difficult to let her be in this kind of situation, given that she already has enough to deal with on her own at home. As always, Natsuki immediately sensed what he wanted to say and do.

"What?" She looked at him petulantly. "D-Do I look like I need help again? Is it because I look so high and dry or something?"

"I'm not saying it in that way, okay?" Daisuke assured her soothingly. "Just . . . if you don't want me to accompany you, just let me give you some money so you can take a taxi, at least."

"But I don't want to take your money just like that," Natsuki stated, looking away from him. "I mean, that's your allowance, and don't forget that I still owe you that manga that I l-lost. . ."

"I know, but I'm alright with it all. In fact, I wish I could . . . do more, you know?"

"You're doing enough. You d-don't have to start giving me money or anything. . ."

"It's just for today, if it's okay with you. Just so you can get a ride to your aunt's place. Besides, we just got done with P.E. for today. You could use some rest instead of walking for twenty minutes to the other side of town."

"Make that fifteen—I'm a fast walker when I'm alone," Natsuki retorted. After a brief pause, she let out a long sigh, her breath hissing through the mask on her face. She looked at him once again, but Daisuke stood his ground this time.

"A-Alright, fine," she relented glumly. "But I'll pay you back for this, okay? I'm not done repaying you for everything you're doing."

"That's okay," said Daisuke, smiling.

Following Daisuke's wish, Natsuki hailed a taxi that would take her to her aunt's home near the edge of the city, a few blocks away from the train station. It felt rather weird to go there by vehicle instead of on foot, as since she had grown used to walking all the way there for the past couple of years. Given that her father only gave her a very small allowance to get by in a school week, it was hopeless to imagine him actually giving her some money to be able to ride a cab.

In no time at all, she had arrived. It was astonishing how a fifteen-minute walk is so short when taken by vehicle. After paying the cab driver, Natsuki stepped out of the taxi and looked around.

The neighborhood had little difference compared to the one she and her father lived in, although there were more houses around here that had a more rural façade with their timber foundations, wooden walls and clay tile roofs. Aunt Shoko lived in one such abode, which they inherited from her in-laws. Though living in such a place was a lot simpler than most city-dwellers would like, her aunt had grown used to it, finding it more comfortable compared to living in a more modern home even though she lived only with her daughter Miki; Ryota Ito, her husband and Natsuki's uncle, was working in the neighboring region of Chūbu.

As soon as Natsuki passed through the house's wooden gate, a tiny girl with dark brown hair and a white dress came rushing out of the front door. "Mommy! Auntie Natsuki's here!" she squealed happily.

Natsuki smiled behind her face mask as she knelt down. "Hello, Miki! How are you today?" she asked lightly.

Miki grinned; her smile was missing a few teeth that had not grown yet due to her very young age, but Natsuki always found that cute. Though Miki was technically her cousin, she had grown used to being called "auntie" by her, especially given their age gap of nearly thirteen years.

"I'm doing fine, Auntie Natsuki. Mommy said you'd be stopping by today, so I waited by the front door for you!"

"That's nice of you," said Natsuki, pinching Miki's cheek gently and causing her to giggle. "How was school today?"

"Ooh, I got two stars from my teacher!" Miki replied excitedly. Natsuki knew that she had been anticipating the question and was very eager to say her reply. "She really liked the drawing that I made for Arts and Crafts. Mommy also liked the drawing after I showed it to her when I got home. She said that she was really happy because I have twenty stars now!"

"Twenty stars? Wow, I'm so proud of you, Miki!" Natsuki told her, ruffling her hair. "I tell you what—if you get even more stars, I'm going to give you a present the next time that I come by. How does that sound?"

Miki's eyes lit up instantly. "A present? Really?! Even if it's not my birthday yet?!"

"Yep! I'll make sure to give you a really good present for those stars. Do you want that?"

"Yes, very much, Auntie Natsuki!" Miki practically bobbed up and down with excitement as she spoke. "I'll do my best to get many, many stars!"

"That's the spirit!" said Natsuki, patting her head. When she looked up, she saw her aunt watching the two of them from the front door, smiling. Like Miki, she had dark brown hair which was tied up in a bun, and her build was a bit smaller compared to other adults of her age, though she was still taller than Natsuki herself. She was wearing a long grey dress with long sleeves, over which she wore a thick woolen shawl to protect against the autumn cold.

"Hello, Aunt Shoko," said Natsuki, inclining her head.

"You're here early, Natsuki," said Aunt Shoko warmly. "I was in the kitchen when I heard Miki saying that you've arrived. Come in."

Natsuki exhaled a sigh of relief as the three of them went inside. The house's interior provided some respite from the afternoon cold outside. She took off her shoes and walked with her aunt and Miki, passing by small rooms and sections that were separated by thin panels, or shōji. Though smaller compared to most dwellings, the house was beautiful in its traditional simplicity, and it was definitely a better place compared to the urbanely dismal abode that Natsuki lived in. When she was not looking after Miki or going out to visit her neighbors and buy groceries, Aunt Shoko would go around cleaning the house, and her efforts are easily noticeable in the way the house's wooden floors gleamed or how everything always seemed to be put in its proper place. Because of this, the place's homely feel was very palpable, and anyone entering it would never feel uncomfortable or trapped in. Not for the first time, Natsuki imagined what it would be like to live in such a nice home, away from the grim atmosphere that she dwelt in with her father.

Having prepared some tea and gyoza beforehand, Aunt Shoko invited Natsuki to join her for some afternoon snacking before they went down to business. Natsuki was more than happy to oblige; though she had eaten a normal lunch with Daisuke earlier, she had used up most of it as energy for the football game they had earlier during Physical Education. Following the house's traditional style, they ate at a chabudai instead of a normal dining table, sitting atop some soft zabutons instead of chairs. On an adjacent table that suited her small size, Miki was busy drawing some pictures with a bunch of crayons, only stopping to stand up and walk over to them so that her mother can feed her some gyoza. All the while, Natsuki conversed with her aunt about simple things that they usually talked about whenever she came to visit—school, the overall situation in the Ito household, and the weather. It did not take long, however, before the talk shifted towards her father.

"Has Ichiro found a new job yet?" asked Aunt Shoko.

Natsuki stared for a moment into her aunt's face; her brown hair and eyes were the only aspects of her face that she had in common with her father. Even though Aunt Shoko was almost ten years older, she looked significantly younger by comparison because of her father's battered look. Nearby, Miki kept drawing and coloring, still innocently oblivious to what the two of them were about to discuss—and what Natsuki was going through.

"I don't think so, Aunt Shoko," replied Natsuki quietly. "He hasn't been telling me anything yet, but I know he's still looking."

"Your uncle thinks that it's high time to help him find some work outside of the city," her aunt mused as she sipped some tea. "Of course, that means you'd be left all alone here."

I'd like that better than coming home to him. "If it comes to that, maybe I'll manage," said Natsuki. "I can rent an apartment or m-maybe stay here with you and Miki and Uncle Ryota," she added, trying hard not to sound too obviously hopeful at the thought.

"To tell you the truth, I've always considered that," her aunt admitted, making Natsuki's heart leap, "but your father wouldn't have any of it. No matter how hard we tried, we could never convince him to move on or let go of certain things. Your mother's passing, for instance."

And how he might still be blaming me for it, Natsuki mused, her hopes deflating.

"Of course, I understand that he doesn't want you to leave him, but he needs to make sure that he can take care of your studies," her aunt went on.

"Yes, I don't think Dad ever considered working outside of the city. We don't have the money for him to move out and find a decent place to stay, just like how I won't be able to rent an apartment or dormitory if he goes."

"Has he ever contacted his former coworkers? Maybe they can help him with that."

"N-No, he doesn't really talk to a lot of people nowadays."

"Well, I hope for everyone's sake that he thinks of something." Aunt Shoko sighed, shaking her head. "I'm all for helping Ichiro because it also means helping you, but he should know that we can't keep giving him money forever. How is he going to send you to college?"

"I was thinking about earning from a part-time job for that," Natsuki admitted. "I mean, m-maybe there are jobs in the city that can help get me by for my studies, right? Maybe I can just enroll in a technical college too. That way, we won't have to spend a lot. Besides, how hard can it be to live as a working student?"

"Your mother wouldn't want that, Natsuki," said Aunt Shoko firmly. "I wouldn't want that, either. Until Miki starts elementary school, maybe I can convince your uncle to hang on for a little while longer. Your father is not that old yet, and besides, there are only just a couple more years at most before you graduate high school and enroll in college. I'm certain your father will have found a stable job by then."

In her mind's eye, Natsuki pictured just how long her father had been in his current state, wallowing in his vices and taking out some of his frustrations on her. Somehow, she saw no end in sight. "But if Uncle Ryota needs more money for Miki's studies, I'll start looking for a part-time job and earn in advance. It's okay if I delay college for a year until I've e-earned enough, right?"

"Yes, but don't lose hope, okay?" said Aunt Shoko with a supportive tone. "If push comes to shove, I'll talk to Ichiro and your uncle about this, and we'll find a good compromise. Just keep studying well. You're a bright student, and if you can maintain good credentials until you graduate, maybe you can apply for a college scholarship. You can be sure that your uncle and I will help you with that."

Clinging hard onto that form of hope in the future, Natsuki smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Aunt Shoko. Really, thank you for everything."

"You're welcome, Natsuki," said her aunt, smiling back. "You're family, after all."

At that moment, Natsuki felt a tug on her sleeve. She looked around to see Miki holding up her drawing proudly. "I drew you, Auntie Natsuki! Look!" she declared enthusiastically.

The drawing depicted a stick figure version of Natsuki surrounded by other cute things—misshapen flowers, cat doodles and multicolored smileys. Her hair was colored with the most vivid shade of pink that Miki had among her crayons, with wayward smudges of color sticking out in some places. Natsuki took the drawing from her with a word of praise and thanks, pinching Miki's cheek playfully as she did while Aunt Shoko watched them with a cordial air in her eyes. It made Natsuki wish—once again, not for the first time—that she could stay here forever, with relatives that seemed so near and yet so far.

Daisuke was busy reading in his bedroom when he heard slightly raised voices outside his door. Looking up from the manga he was holding, he realized that it was his mother and Hiroko who were conversing—or rather, arguing a little. He stood up and walked over to the door, leaning towards it as he listened.

"—not going down there, Mom. Not while he's down there too," he heard Hiroko say irritably.

"To be honest, I wasn't expecting him to show up tonight as well," said his mother, "but what's wrong with just going back downstairs and seeing him for a short while? You were there when he arrived, right?"

"I know, but that doesn't mean—"

"Hiroko, it's been years since we last saw him. Don't you want to talk to him?"

"I don't want to see him, Mom." From the way Hiroko spoke, it sounded as if she was avoiding an ex-boyfriend who had stopped by to see her again. "If you want, I'm just gonna wait in my room while you talk to him. When he leaves, I'll just come back downstairs and ask you what you two talked about."

Shortly after this, Daisuke heard a door close; he imagined that Hiroko must have barricaded herself in her room after her last statement. Not wanting to leave his mother all alone, he opened the door and peeked outside. He saw her standing alone in the hallway, looking rather deep in thought.

"Mom?"

His voice made her look up. "Oh, Daisuke. I guess you heard me and Hiroko talking out here, huh?" she said, laughing a little.

"Couldn't help it, you guys were a bit loud." Daisuke glanced at the stairs. "Who's down there?"

Instead of immediately replying, his mother walked over towards him with a sigh. She placed a hand on his shoulder and looked straight into his eyes with a seriousness that he rarely saw.

"It's your father."

Daisuke fell silent. Again, he looked over at the staircase. In a way, he should have already guessed who might have come visiting them for his mother and Hiroko to act jumpily like that, but it felt like a long shot to assume at his first guess that it was his father. After all, apart from some occasional letters that only his mother read, his father hadn't made his presence known in their home for four years.

"What's he doing here?" he asked his mother.

"He said that he just wanted to, you know . . . drop by. He wanted to see you two as well, but your sister stormed off. I followed her up here to try and convince her to stay with me downstairs, because I didn't want it to be just your father and me. It's just . . . you know. . ."

Daisuke knew what she meant. It was only his mother's general congeniality towards people and the love she once had for their father that made her entertain his letters and presence still, however casually she might do so. Hiroko, who was still so frustrated with what their father had done, always avoided talking about him and often argued with their mother about why she was still receiving and reading their father's letters, let alone tolerating his presence when—or rather, if—he came to visit.

"Alright, come on, Mom. I'll go downstairs."

His mother raised her eyebrows in genuine surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Well, yeah. It's not like I was doing anything important before I came out here. Besides, you told Hiroko that you didn't want to be left down there with . . . him. That's why I'm going with you."

Admittedly, though, it felt rather weird for Daisuke to decide on a dime like that. Though he no longer shared Hiroko's animosity towards their father—the time for that had been back in middle school for him—there was no reason for him to also feel cordial or at least casually polite towards him. After all, what he did still rang in Daisuke's memory vividly, especially now that he was older and understood everything about it better. Still, it was better than leaving his mother to deal with this by herself.

"Come on, Mom," he repeated, closing the door of his room behind him. "It's better if we get this over with now, right?"

Though she was still caught off guard by his decision, his mother gave him an appreciative smile. "Okay, let's go."

Daisuke was overcome with a surreal feeling when he entered the empty diner through the kitchen with his mother. His father sat alone at one of the tables there, waiting patiently for them. In the years that Daisuke hadn't seen him, he still looked the same, though there were more lines on his face and under his eyes. Beneath the long black overcoat he was wearing, he had on a crisp suit, undoubtedly his uniform for work in whatever office he might be currently employed in. Like them, he had blonde hair, wavy like Daisuke's, though his eyes were brown instead of amber like Hiroko's; Daisuke always imagined how Hiroko must dislike looking in a mirror and being reminded of their father. Perhaps that was why his sister liked cutting her hair short all the time.

He looked at the two of them, surprise evident on his face as he saw Daisuke.

"Son," he greeted calmly, standing up.

"Hello," said Daisuke in reply, privately deciding not to call him "Dad."

"After Hiroko left in a hurry, I thought it was just going to be me and your mother down here."

"Mom needed the company," said Daisuke with casual politeness. "What are you doing here?"

His father smiled. It was a genuine expression, but somehow, Daisuke felt no warmth coming from it, though that may only be because of how long they had not seen or heard from one another, especially given those tumultuous times in the past. It felt as if he was meeting a complete stranger and not Masaru Matsuda, the man that his mother married. Even being referred to by his father's surname all this time felt weird; after the divorce had been settled on a mutual agreement, it was his mother's choice not to change back into her pre-marriage surname.

"I'm sure your mother told you two upstairs, but to answer your question, I just thought of stopping by to visit," his father replied, looking around the diner. "To tell you the truth, I've wanted to do that for a while now, but work wasn't letting me."

"What made you think about visiting?" asked his mother, sitting down on a vacant chair and prompting everyone else to follow suit.

"I just wanted to see you all again. Check on how you were doing, things like that." His father sighed. "I know it sounds rather out of place, and you might be thinking that I shouldn't even be here—"

"No, no, everything's fine," said his mother, waving her hand airily. "If you came over while the diner was still open, I wouldn't have been able to talk to you properly, so it was better that you showed up a bit later."

"I see. That's good, then. Good. . ."

A short silence fell. Daisuke could feel just how awkward things could get. Evidently, no one among them knew what to say. Still, he fought the urge to get up and leave, not wanting to abandon his mother after he had volunteered to keep her company.

"So . . . how's your family?" asked his mother in a would-be casual tone.

His father shifted where he sat. "They're doing alright. Chizuko's at home watching the kids. I told her that I'll be paying you a visit beforehand, so she knows I'm here."

Daisuke remembered Chizuko Kanemaru well, even though he only saw her once in his life during one of the legal proceedings that they attended when his parents settled their divorce. It felt odd then to look at the black-haired beauty whom his father had chosen over his mother, and whom his sister regarded with deep-seated loathing.

If there was any coldness on his mother's part about Chizuko being mentioned, she hid it well. "I'm glad to hear that they're doing fine," she said smoothly.

"Thank you. How about you, Daisuke?"

Daisuke glanced up, surprised at the sudden mention of his name. "What?" he asked.

"How's everything? At school, your studies and whatnot. You'll be graduating in a couple of years, right?"

"Oh. Y-Yeah, school is just fine," replied Daisuke. "And yeah, around two more years and I'll be going to college."

"That's great," said his father with a nod. "Are you going to take up college here or in another prefecture?"

"I haven't given it any thought yet. I mean, it's still two years away." In a way, Daisuke could feel the pressure of how awkward the conversation sounded in his hearing; it also made him understand further why Hiroko wanted nothing to do with staying down here. Though he wanted to sound polite in replying, he could not help but feel that he sounded too casual and even condescending with his words.

Even his father seemed to feel so. "Ah, I suppose you're right about that."

For the next ten minutes, Daisuke endured a back-and-forth conversation between him and his parents. It was cordial at best, thanks in no small part to his mother's intentions to keep it so without asking anything else about the past. Daisuke managed to get a short break from it all when his mother asked him to prepare some tea for the three of them, and as he went to the kitchen to do so, he imagined that if Hiroko was with them, things would have escalated quickly into a heated debate about his father's shortcomings and wrongs long before he had returned with the tea. For the most part, he was silent, only speaking when a question was addressed to him. As time passed, though, he could not help but remember the times when his father was still around. He had been in middle school when the affair with Chizuko Kanemaru surfaced, and within a year, his father was gone. It was remarkable how years of having a father figure, punctuated by memories of family outings and fun times, had all changed in an instant. Daisuke felt like he wasn't bearing any scars from that experience, but he mused that maybe he wasn't just aware of them. Perhaps he had already given voice to his frustrations and despondence back when the crisis happened, when he refused to speak to his father before he had left. Perhaps he never felt that affected by it all as he grew older because his mother had done her very best to make sure that he and Hiroko had a father figure in her, and he could never thank her enough for that. Privately, though, he was reminded of Natsuki's issues with her own father. Daisuke knew that he had it better than she did, and he hoped with all his might that things would get better for her in the long run.

When the time came for his father to call it a night, Daisuke felt a bit relieved. Though he was fine with staying a few more minutes with his mother, he wanted to get back upstairs and read again in the relative comfort of his room. Outside, the twinkle of lights from buildings and vehicles cast shadows through the windows of the diner, occasionally blotting out the relatively dimmer radiance provided by the dim lights on the diner's walls. As he cleaned up the cups his mother had brought out for their tea, his parents exchanged some final pleasantries.

"Daisuke?" he suddenly heard his mother call.

Daisuke turned around, stopping just short of reaching the kitchen door. "Yeah?"

His mother clasped her hands together, looking rather hesitant to reply. "Your father wants to talk to you before he goes."

Surprise and curiosity welled up in him. "What about?"

"Um, I think it's better if I leave you two alone for that," his mother replied earnestly, walking towards him. "Just give me those cups. I'll take them to the kitchen myself, okay?"

"Er, alright, sure thing." Though he was a bit hesitant, Daisuke handed the cups over to his mother, who took them from him carefully and made her way into the kitchen, leaving him alone with his father.

"So what do you wanna talk about?" he asked him. All around them, the silence felt deafening, and he was certain that his mother was listening intently from within the kitchen.

His father did not immediately reply. Instead, he bowed his head and stared for a while at the floor. Daisuke can tell that he was thinking about what to say—that or he was simply hesitating on whether or not he should speak about it. Daisuke couldn't blame him; the years his father had spent away from the family he started was bound to have left various thoughts and musings, all of which were coming back in full force now that he had seen the three of them again.

"I'm sorry," his father finally muttered. "I never got to apologize to Hiroko and you f-for doing what I did, for . . . for failing as a father and as a husband to your mother. . . Your sister never gave me a chance, and I'll admit that that stopped me from talking to you about it as well. I didn't want to leave you with any kind of bitterness the way I did with Hiroko, but . . . I didn't know what to say w-without—"

"It's okay," said Daisuke, cutting across him. "I understand."

"No, hear me out, p-please." His father stepped forward now, looking determined to continue speaking. "I wish I could make it up to you all in some way. I really want to. Your mother says that everything is alright, and that there's nothing else to worry about, but I feel like . . . like there's still something missing."

"I don't think there is," Daisuke stated. "I mean, I'm not trying to sound like I'm shutting you down or anything, but to be honest . . . it feels like we've moved on. Well, Hiroko might still be angry about everything that happened, but I don't . . . I don't feel like I am."

"I see," said his father, looking a bit crestfallen. Not wanting to end things on a somber note, Daisuke racked his brain for something else to say or ask. He had a feeling that his frustration and bitterness back then would soon boil over if he didn't say anything. Eventually, he came to the only question that seemed sensible to ask, something he had always imagined but never asked anyone about, not even his mother.

"Why did you do it?"

His father drew back slightly, running his hand through his hair. Daisuke guessed that he must have been anticipating the question. "I . . . I don't know if I can ever give a justifiable answer to your question, son," he admitted.

"You can try nonetheless," Daisuke stated.

With a beseeching look in his eyes, his father sighed dejectedly. "Alright. Well, the thing is that . . . there were times when your mother and I couldn't get along. We fought over certain things—our parents, money, my work, stuff like that. We tried really hard not to let it show to you and your sister, but Hiroko was there during some of them. Anyway, it caused a bit of a rift then between me and your mother. We tried hard to mend everything together, but it was tough. That was when Chizuko kept me company, giving me advice and whatnot. We were always together at the office, and she'd always try her best to help me. Eventually, it just led to . . . t-to where things just took off for each and every one of us."

Daisuke could not help but imagine just how Hiroko would react to that. "How did it make you feel?" he asked.

"Well, to be honest . . . it felt horrible, especially when I realized what I just got into. I don't think Chizuko wanted it to end up the way it did, but it went on nonetheless. When your mother and your sister found out, there was no other way out of it. That was when your mother knew that it was over between us. We talked over the phone, securing the legal meetings we'd need to finalize the divorce, and the rest is history. Of course, I could never forget about it all. Spent a lot of days feeling so down that I couldn't even work. Even Chizuko couldn't help me, since we were both feeling very guilty for what happened, and any attempt we made to move forward again felt like a sin for us.

"The only way we managed to bounce back was when your mother sent me this letter, telling me that we should all just move on with our lives, and that deep down, she would eventually forgive me for what happened. I don't blame your mother for what happened. I had a hand in all those fights we had, and what I did is my own fault, and no one else's. Her forgiveness was a blessing I didn't deserve, and I'm not expecting any from you and your sister. Right now, I'm just glad that you chose to hear me out. I really appreciate that."

Again, silence stretched between them. Daisuke stared silently at his father, trying to piece together what he just said with the memories he had about him. It was then that he began to feel once again an odd emotion welling within him, the same emotion that he felt when he realized that his parents would be separating. It felt like a mixture of sadness, frustration and acceptance.

"Anyway, I have to get going," his father stated quietly, checking his watch. "I wish I could stay for a bit longer, but Chizuko needs me at home. Just tell your mother that I'll see myself out, okay? I'll see if I can visit again in the future."

"Sure thing," said Daisuke. "Take care."

His father smiled; this time, Daisuke felt the warmth behind it, though he couldn't convince himself to return it.

"Thank you, son."

When he went back inside the kitchen, he found his mother still there, sitting next to one of the counters and mulling over a fresh cup of tea in the dark. The lights outside the nearby windows shone against her form, throwing the lines of her face into sharper relief and making her look a lot older. She looked up as Daisuke walked over to her.

"Is he gone?" she asked.

"Yep," replied Daisuke. "He did say that he's gonna see if he can stop by again in the future."

"Ah, yes, he did mention that earlier to me too. So what did he say to you?"

Daisuke sighed, leaning against the counter next to his mother. "A lot of things. About what happened back then and all. . ."

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing much. To be frank, I didn't know what else to say."

"Ah, that's understandable." His mother paused for a moment. "I think he wants to make the most out of his time here. That's why he came to visit and talk to us."

Daisuke looked at her. "'His time here'? What do you mean?"

"He told me about it when you were in the kitchen," replied his mother silently, emptying her tea in one go. "Apparently, he and his family will be moving out of the city in a few weeks to relocate to Kyushu for good. I'm guessing that before they go, he wants to be able to talk to us one last time."

For a moment, Daisuke remembered his father's words, and how he seemed to insist on saying his piece, like he didn't have a lot of time left. It threw his conversation with him into a whole new light.

"Is Hiroko gonna know?" he asked his mother.

"I'll take care of that, don't worry. Anyway, it's getting late. You can go back to your room now. I'll just clean up here before I go upstairs too."

"Well, okay. Are you gonna be fine?"

"Of course I'll be fine." His mother grinned, dispelling the aged appearance that the lights coming in through the windows had given her face. Beneath it all, however, Daisuke knew that she was thinking about his father's upcoming departure, just like he was. As he glanced out of the nearby windows, staring into the urbane atmosphere outside those glass panes, he found himself imagining how this was all part of how life can go.