CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO – THE SOLACE WE NEED
The lights faded in slowly, searing through her retinas for a moment before relaxing into a comforting hue. Dark shapes sat before her, and she had to shield her eyes until she could finally make them out. Soon, she saw that they were faces, dozens of them, all gazing back at her with smiles and looks of anticipation. A feeling of anxious eagerness welled up in her as she remembered what was at hand, and how hard she had prepared for this moment.
The stage soon appeared before her, its wooden floors gleaming under the radiance that shone down from above. Instinctively, she moved, twirling her hands with a mixture of both instinct and deliberation. As she moved, she felt something flutter behind her, and when she looked she saw that she was wearing a pretty white dress, its skirt frilly and gleaming with tiny multicolored sequins that had been embroidered into the fabric. The sight of them sent her heart aflutter, and she moved with more confidence than before.
More shapes pranced around, looking quite odd for a moment that she almost felt her focus slip. Some were shaped like trees, others looking like animals with pointed ears and wagging tails. When they drew closer, she realized they were children like her, dancing to some sort of music that she could not yet hear. They were wearing costumes, she saw, their gestures and movements propelling them across the stage. But still, she knew that she was the star of the performance, and she moved like it as she whirled like a ballerina, her shoes tapping softly against the stage floor. Applause rang out as the show began with their opening number. Staring out at the sea of faces, she smiled like she truly meant it, though she felt the corners of her lips falter a little when she sought someone that she could not quite find. The lights soon intensified once again, causing her to squint against their brightness, and soon she was lost.
When the world returned, she was out on a cold, wide street, still wearing her white dress. People towered over her, talking in somber voices that echoed quietly. None of them seemed to notice her, and even she herself could not recall where she was exactly. The air was chilling, and she could not help herself from shuddering and rubbing her arms for warmth. More lights flickered—white and red and blue, she noticed.
And then, the ambulance came into view, and a police car beyond it. How often had she seen such vehicles before? Some of the cartoons she had watched before had them, with zany characters at the wheel as they hurtled down some highway chasing a suave criminal or trying to get to some area where someone got hurt. Did that mean a person was hurt?
That was when she saw the ruined car. Blue, ordinary yet familiar, like something she had seen in front of her home before. Its front was all but destroyed, with bits of broken glass everywhere and its metal bent and torn apart like it had been smashed by some giant's hammer. Smoke billowed faintly from the crevasses the damage had left behind. The concrete barrier before it was also partially shattered, but it was clear which of the two objects had come out on top in the collision that had happened. She felt her voice catch in her throat. She wanted to scream, to cry, to rush to the destroyed vehicle and look for whoever was inside, but her legs felt like they were plastered onto the asphalt. Before she could react to that, the world was moving again, shifting in a flash as the lights of the police car and the ambulance blinded her gaze like the stage lights before.
By the time everything cleared out, the coffin and the altar were there.
Many white flowers were arranged upon the altar in neat formations, their fragrance mixing with the odor of burning incense and carrying over the still air of the void around her. A portrait was looking back at her at the very center of it, the only sight that exuded any form of life in the dreary, lonely atmosphere. Her heart stopped again as she recognized the person, and when she glanced at the rectangular coffin covered in yellow cloth before her, her eyes burned with fresh tears. The plaque before the framed portrait bore a name, but she did not have to look too hard to know who the person was.
As Natsuki woke up, the tears continued to trickle down her face, seeping through the covers of her pillow. It was still dark, though she could already notice the makings of dawn outside her room's windows as her eyesight adjusted to the sudden nature of her waking. Still, morning was the last thing on her mind for the moment.
Mom.
When she realized it was all a dream, Natsuki could not stop herself from crying again, her breath hitching into silent sobs. Seeing her mother's face in the pictures that hung on the hallway of the house was awful enough, but to be reminded of her in such a way in her dreams tore her heart apart. A feeling of immense regret and pain washed over her as she remembered her role in her death. If I didn't join that stupid play back then, she'd still be alive, and Dad would be just fine, a-and . . .
When her tears finally started to subside, she felt her stomach growl with discomfort. Only then did Natsuki remember that she had not eaten at all throughout the previous evening, petrified as she had been regarding the presence of her father's shady companions and the brief instance when one of them hung around outside her room for a little longer than she would have liked. On her cellphone, the clock showed a little past five-thirty in the morning. Natsuki sat up feebly on the bed, wiping her tears with the corner of her blanket and shaking away her pained thoughts. The house was now quiet, though she was still reluctant to go downstairs in case one or more of her father's companions would still be around, sleeping off their drunkenness from the previous night.
After washing away her tears and morning feebleness at the bathroom, Natsuki crept gingerly towards the stairs, careful not to make a sound. Her stomach did not seem keen on cooperating, however, as she felt it rumble once again with the pangs of hunger. The noises seemed enough to wake the entire house, or perhaps that was only her fear magnifying things a hundredfold. A cold sweat began to bead on her brow, but she pressed on nonetheless, knowing that taking too long would make her late for school.
Thankfully, her father was alone in the living room when she arrived, making her feel immensely relieved even as the room itself looked like a pigsty. Empty food boxes were on the floor, some of them stomped flat by the careless feet of her father's friends. All sides of the sofa where her father lay snoring seemed to be littered with a mixture of beer cans and sake bottles. The nearby ashtray was overflowing with cigarette butts, and Natsuki imagined the smell of smoke still hanging in the dismal air. Bits of food were strewn about the small coffee table in front of the sofa. Some of the plates there still had half-eaten takeout on them—mixed fried rice, half-eaten dumplings, some stir-fried noodles with soggy vegetables, a small carton of takoyaki, and even a small box of tempura that still had all of its contents.
Natsuki knew then what must be done. Quickly, she gathered up the discarded bottles and cans, careful not to make any loud noises, and deposited them in an empty trash bag in the kitchen, emptying in the sink any that still had a quarter of alcohol left; any that had more than half of their contents left went into the refrigerator. The ashtray and food boxes were easy to take care of, and soon she was starting on the leftovers, sifting through the dirty plates and wiping the coffee table clean of any stains and leavings. When she had brought everything back in the kitchen, Natsuki went over the food carefully, trying to see which ones to store in the fridge and which ones she could eat for herself. Her father did not care about her eating anything that he and his friends were done with as long as she remembered to save the best morsels for him the next day. She set aside the tempura and the very few untouched dumplings on a clean plate, leaving them in the fridge for her father to eat later. She threw away anything that had too little left over or was starting to smell bad, until at last she managed to scrounge up the makings of a breakfast: three of the remaining dumplings, the nibbled parts cut away with a knife; a half cup of the fried rice that looked cleaner than the rest; and a single tempura that she had dared to steal from the full box. As cruel as her father could be, he did not bother to count things like that.
The food tasted a bit more off than Natsuki would have wanted, as if it was already starting to go bad like the scraps she had thrown away, but she scarfed it down nonetheless, not intending to give her father a chance to wake up and stumble across her eating in the kitchen. Still, even as she managed to satisfy her hunger for now, it was the loneliest thing in the world to eat cold leftovers in a household as dismal as hers, and the feelings weighed heavily on Natsuki's heart as she ate in complete silence.
No need to worry, she told herself firmly, trying to fight her emotions back. I'll be able to eat properly again later. Daisuke's gonna bring food. Yeah, that's right. I'll eat with him and be happy and forget about this mess. A-And maybe I'll be able to talk to Yuri too, so that we can discuss some stuff about poetry and all. That's what's gonna happen. And so, Natsuki forced the stale food down, looking forward to her day at school more than anything else, wishing that the solace it offered would last forever.
It was a quarter past seven when she managed to leave the house, grateful that she had accomplished her morning routine without her father waking up from his drunken sleep. She walked as fast as she could away from the house as she made her way towards the street corner that opened up her way to school, remembering all the while her small but surprisingly meaningful encounter with Monika the previous night. She imagined encountering her again at school, bringing back thoughts of having another get-together with her, Daisuke, Yuri and their other friends. A smile crossed her face as she felt marginally better, as if by putting some distance between her and her house, the heaviness and sorrow faded away gradually.
Eishima slowly rose to life as the morning set in, the dawn's chill biting deep even into Natsuki's blazer, with the sky looking rather dreary without the sun fully out yet. Soon enough, snow would begin falling, though not at the same level that it did in other cities across the country. Natsuki did not relish the thought of more cold, though she did look forward to the festive mood that it would bring at school, the stress of their next exams notwithstanding. It was a comforting thought indeed, even though she had no way of going out to enjoy the town's Christmas bazaar without risking the ire of her father. The idea sobered her somewhat, but she pushed it to the back of her mind as she continued walking, not wanting to dwell on it or the dream she had about her mother.
Halfway through to school, something tapped lightly on her head. Frowning, Natsuki looked up and saw to her sudden dismay that raindrops were starting to fall, explaining the greyness of the sky above. She bowed her head and quickened her pace just as the light shower began. People around her took out their umbrellas from their bags and immediately shielded themselves from the rain, while those who had not brought any umbrellas like her began to run for the nearest shelter. Natsuki herself bolted for the first overhang that she saw, right outside a small shop on a street corner leading downtown. Muttering under her breath, she took out her handkerchief and began to pat herself dry, grateful that the rain had not intensified enough to soak through her bag or uniform. Some other people emulated her and sought refuge under the same overhang, shaking off the rainwater on their coats, suitcases and bags.
Great, how long is this stupid rain gonna last? Natsuki wrapped her arms around herself, trying to ward off the cold that the rain was bringing. Though she did not want to risk waiting for too long and ending up coming to school late, she also did not want to run through the rain and end up getting sick because of it.
"Yo, Natsuki!" came a loud voice down the sidewalk to her right. Natsuki turned around to see Kenta walking up to her, holding a large black umbrella in his right hand.
"Got caught in the rain, huh?" he said.
"Y-Yeah," Natsuki replied, looking around as the rain grew slightly stronger. Some of the raindrops spattered lightly against her as they bounced off of Kenta's umbrella. "Didn't think I'd need my umbrella for today."
"Well, do you wanna share?" Kenta proffered readily. "This thing's big enough to cover us both."
Natsuki shot him a sullen look, both because of his invitation and the notion that she was small enough to join him under his umbrella without any problems. Still, with time potentially running out, complaining about things at this point felt both foolish and unnecessary.
Sighing, she looked up at him. "Is it okay with you?"
"Of course!" Kenta grinned. "'A friend in need' and all that crap, right?"
The candidness of his remark made Natsuki chuckle a little. "Thanks."
With that, she stepped under the umbrella as Kenta moved a little to the side to make room for her. Some of the raindrops splashed lightly against their feet on the pavement, soaking a little through their socks, but it was a reasonable exchange compared to waiting for too long at some overhang or running through the rain. The two of them walked carefully down the street, with Kenta making sure that he was not moving too fast with his longer strides. Other umbrellas moved past around them like roving mushrooms of varying colors, while some of the people taking shelter in nearby establishments began hailing any cabs that passed by.
"Good thing I ran into you when I did," Kenta said after a while. "At least you won't end up being late for school waiting for this to stop."
"I know," muttered Natsuki, feeling rather exposed as she walked with him. "I'm gonna make sure to bring my stupid umbrella next time."
"Yeah, better to have it and not need it instead of the other way around," Kenta remarked. "It's why I have this at the ready in my bag all the time."
"So you're not one of those guys who think using an umbrella makes them less macho and stuff?" Natsuki quipped.
Kenta snorted. "Walking in the rain just to look cool might sound like a good idea, but most of the time you just look like a complete dolt doing it when everyone else around you has an umbrella. Besides, Mom will shoot me or something if she found out I didn't bring this thing with me."
The mention of his mother surprised and warmed Natsuki somewhat. "Sounds like your mom's really looking out for you, huh?" she said with a bit of gloomy envy.
With a smile, Kenta nodded. "Yeah, she's always like that," he said, his voice bearing a slightly wistful tone for some reason. It reminded Natsuki of similar looks that Monika had last night, looks that touched on an issue other than her debate club problems.
"I was out last night, and I ran into Monika," she said, straying away from any more talk about one's parents. "She told me that she was doing some work outside of her house and stuff."
Kenta looked at her with surprise. "Did you two talk?"
"For a while, yeah. She wanted to walk around for a bit, so she kept me company as I was going home. She seemed a little stressed out with some stuff about the debate club." Natsuki gave him a knowing stare. "We talked about you too."
His umbrella swaying a little, Kenta straightened himself up. "W-What did she say?" he asked, looking both curious and anxious. Natsuki was seized by a momentary urge to lie about Monika being mad at him as a joke, though the nervousness on Kenta's countenance and his generosity at accompanying her to school made her reconsider.
"She misses you," she said instead. "She said as much. And she hoped that you two would start hanging out again soon when that debate competition is over. I told her that in the meantime, you two should just keep texting and chatting with each other online. Fill in those gaps before they become too wide, so to speak."
Kenta let out a sigh, his opal eyes staring ahead with a hint of longing not unlike the one Monika had last night. "I just thought that . . . that giving her more time and space for the nationals will help her focus, but that doesn't mean I don't miss her too," he said as they crossed a street. "I sent her a few texts and all, even if I don't really expect her to reply ASAP. As long as she's fine, that's enough for me."
Natsuki took note of the yearning in his voice. "Just keep texting her, I guess. Even if a girl doesn't reply while they're busy with a lot of stuff, they appreciate it all the same. It's better than just keeping quiet, since they might think you're ignoring them or that you don't really care about how they're doing."
Kenta nodded. "That makes sense. And yeah, I always wanna make sure if she's doing okay. She's been through stressful days like these before, and she told me how much it gets to her sometimes. That's why I check on her every now and then. I guess . . . I should keep that up in spite of what's happening, huh?"
"As long as you're not being too pushy, then yeah," said Natsuki. "One text can make a difference, trust me."
"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," said Kenta. He looked ahead for a moment before letting out a small chuckle. "To be honest, this is the first time I've ever had a girl tell me what to do when it comes to dealing with other girls, and I can already tell that it's a whole lot better compared to just winging it like I did back in middle school."
"Boys always go through a phase like that," Natsuki remarked. "It's up to high school and beyond to separate the ones that learn how to mature from the ones that didn't. With you being more open about this kind of stuff . . . well, I guess that's one of the things that Monika mentioned about you being different from most of the guys she met."
Kenta laughed again, his face turning slightly red. "She really said that? W-Well, I'm glad to know that, then, 'cuz sometimes I still wonder if I did grow up."
"If you didn't, she wouldn't have even bothered with you in the first place, right?" said Natsuki candidly. "Just stay on track and keep being yourself. Whatever change you've had, own it. And if people give you flak for it . . . well, who cares what they think?"
"Yeah, that makes sense," said Kenta, grinning. "Thanks for the advice."
"No problem," Natsuki muttered.
The rain showed no signs of stopping even when the two of them arrived at Koizumi, with the school's façade looming like a concrete sentinel amidst the backdrop of the rainy sky. Students were bunching up at the entrance of the main building as they shook their umbrellas and raincoats free of the rain. Having arrived just a moment earlier than the other students, Kenta and Natsuki quickly got out of everyone else's way as the two of them went inside, not intending to linger along the half-drenched floors. Members of the student council and the faculty alike were hurrying downstairs and starting to herd the oncoming students into an orderly line so that the doors would not be overcrowded, while the school's janitor began mopping up the puddles of rainwater that other students had left behind.
"Good thing we didn't get caught up in that," Kenta remarked, nodding towards the growing press of students at the main building's entrance. "Too bad I don't have spare socks in my locker, though," he added, looking down at his sodden feet.
"Tell me about it," Natsuki agreed sullenly, cringing at the sensation of her wet socks curling around her toes. She looked up at Kenta. "Thanks again for your help, though. I appreciate it."
"It was nothing," said Kenta with a smile. "Anyway, I'm gonna go on to class now. Hopefully Naoki and Daisuke made it here before we did. Otherwise, they're gonna have a hell of a time getting inside."
"You got that right. See you around."
Thankfully, as she entered their classroom not long after going her separate way, Natsuki found that Daisuke was already present. Around half of the class had not arrived yet, no doubt waylaid outside as the rain continued to fall. Though her mood had soured a little at the feeling of her wet socks inside her shoes, Natsuki felt slightly better as she approached her seat next to Daisuke.
He looked up with a smile as she sat down. "Good morning."
Natsuki grimaced. "I dunno about that with the stupid rain and all, but yeah, good morning."
"Yeah, it only started pouring right when I showed up around the block," said Daisuke, looking outside the classroom windows briefly before turning back to her. "You look like you made it just fine too."
"I have your buddy to thank for that. Kenta, I mean. I was hanging around outside a shop waiting for the rain to pass when he showed up. I didn't have my umbrella with me, so we shared his on the way here."
"Oh, that's good."
Natsuki looked at him shrewdly. "Why? Jealous?"
Daisuke only let out a laugh. "Nice try. But yeah, Kenta's just like that. He'll help you if you need it. In our case, he'd have us beg on our knees first for a good laugh. Good thing he ran into you when he did. Otherwise, you'd still be waiting outside that store."
"Yeah. Remind me to bring a stupid umbrella along next time." Glancing outside, she shook her head. "This is gonna be a real pain if it keeps up for the next few days."
The bell rang not long after Natsuki's arrival, and soon the commotion in the corridors rose as students hurried to their respective classrooms, trailing water behind them, their shoes squeaking and sliding across the tiled floors. Settling down in her seat, Natsuki grumbled beneath her breath as she looked down at her feet, though it was not just her wet socks or even the bad weather that made her feel uncomfortably heavy. In her mind's eye, the dream she had seemed to float back to her, and along with it the sound of sinister footsteps that stopped right next to her seat.
Because the rain had shut in the greater part of the student body, lunch was held as an entirely indoor affair, with students having no choice but to converge in the cafeteria and corridors instead of eating and chatting outside or on the rooftop. It was another inconvenience that made Natsuki's day grow even bleaker. She had made up her mind to open up to Daisuke about her dream and what had happened last night with Monika and her father's companions, but without a quiet place to discuss things in, she was left with no choice but to do it at another time.
"Wow," Daisuke remarked as the two of them arrived at the cafeteria with their lunches. "It's during a time like this that you remember just how many students the school has."
"Tell me about it," Natsuki muttered rather resentfully as she observed the sea of students. Most of the tables were already occupied.
Daisuke looked down at her with a smile. "At least we don't have to line up for food, eh?" he asked lightly, as if he was trying to keep her spirits up.
Natsuki shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. . ."
"Oy! Daisuke! Natsuki! Over here!"
For the second time that day, Kenta Yamaguchi's voice snapped Natsuki out of her dejected reverie. She turned with Daisuke to see him practically jumping up and down, waving his arms around to get their attention—not that he needed it, as his loud voice and tall frame easily made him stand out in the crowd of seated students. At the table where he was, Naoki was present as well, with Yuri sitting right across him.
Daisuke laughed. "You can always count on Kenta to save us a seat even if you don't ask," he said to Natsuki. "Come on."
Natsuki followed him silently, feeling a little relieved that she would be sharing a table with people that she was at least familiar with. Moreover, Yuri's presence made up for it more than enough, and the lavender-haired beauty seemed to think so when she saw her, a small but friendly smile crossing her timid face.
"H-Hello, Natsuki, Daisuke," she greeted as the two of them sat down.
"Hey there," Natsuki greeted back, while Daisuke responded in like with a grin and a nod.
"For being cooped up all day indoors, the school sounds quite lively, huh?" he remarked as they began to eat. "Then again, it's not as hard on the ears as when Kenta talks."
Kenta shot him a look. "Not as bad as when I kick you off this table, ya dolt," he grumbled. "No offense, Natsuki," he added with a sympathetic nod towards Natsuki.
"It's fine. I've thought about kicking him out a few times before, but there's nothing you can do about it if he's sitting next to you all day," Natsuki deadpanned.
"Hey, I'm not that bad of a seatmate, am I?" Daisuke complained as Naoki and Kenta laughed.
"I know, I know. I'm just messing with you, you big dummy," Natsuki told him, taking some of the sting out of her joke.
With the rain still spattering against the nearby windows, they settled down to have their lunch. Natsuki drew in some comfort from the sight of her bento, once again prepared with care and warmth by Daisuke's mother, a welcome sight after the stale meal she had pieced together that morning at her place. Soon, their table began to ring out with discussions ranging from the burden of upcoming schoolwork to the first few weeks of the holiday season. Natsuki kept quiet through most of it, seeing how Daisuke and his friends were the ones who did most of the talking. Feeling slightly out of place, she turned to Yuri instead as she ate.
"So, how's it going?" she asked her.
Though she looked mildly startled at the idea of being talked to, Yuri bounced back pretty well. "I'm doing fine, t-thank you. I wanted to skip lunch today, but Kenta invited me and Naoki along, and it seemed rude to refuse. . ."
"Well, it's good that you decided to come along," Natsuki remarked. "Besides, regardless of the reason, going hungry is never a good thing."
Yuri beseeched her for a second before letting out a sigh. "Y-Yes, you're right. I'm sorry, I just don't do too well around . . . a-around this many people. When I saw how everyone in the school is practically in here, I just felt that I had to be somewhere else."
Natsuki grunted. "You and me both. But if it's with the right people, it's fine, right?"
Yuri smiled. "Yes, I suppose that's true. . ."
Bending down to take another bite of her bento, Natsuki asked, "Any new poems lately?"
"Oh, not yet," said Yuri. "I've written down some lines in my notebook, but I don't think I can piece them together as a poem just yet. Too many separate ideas, you see. H-How about you?"
Natsuki shook her head. "Haven't really been feeling up to making a new one yet," she said. As much as she wanted to think of happier themes to put in any poem she might want to make, her recent experiences at home made it difficult to come up with anything.
"Oh, so you're also writing poems now, Natsuki?"
The question made her look around. Naoki had been the one who asked, and he was looking at her now with mild surprise. All of a sudden, Natsuki felt uneasy as the conversation slowed down around their table.
"Y-Yeah," she said, sitting up stiffly. "Just one so far, though. Something I just did on the side, nothing t-too complex or anything."
"I see." Naoki smiled at her. "It's good to know that Yuri's convinced you to try it out," he remarked, causing Yuri to blush.
"Alright, I don't think I'll be able to relate to this," Kenta cut in, shaking his head. "I'm not really good at poetry."
"Hey, at least you managed to make that one poem for class, remember?" Naoki told him.
"Now there's something you don't see every day," said Daisuke with a smirk. "Are you sure he didn't just make one big mash note for Monika and turned it in?"
"If it's mashing you want, I can mash your head up real good right now," Kenta grumbled as laughter rang out.
"Hey, at least it turned out pretty well, right?" said Naoki. "Anyway, I hope you keep going with the poetry, Natsuki," he added, turning back to her. "You don't really see a lot of people going with it or writing in general as a hobby, so it's always nice to see new people trying it out. Perhaps one of these days, we can all share our works with each other, yes?"
Natsuki shifted anxiously. It felt as if she was revealing her talent in baking to them all over again; the prospect of being laughed at or patronized because of her style seemed too much to stomach, but if there was any group in the school that she could trust, it would be their group.
"I'll try," she said. "D-Don't expect too much, though."
Naoki grinned again. "No worries. Poetry's about expressing yourself, right? There's no right or wrong in it. You just write what you see, how you feel, and roll with it. Or at least, that's how I like to think of it. And it always makes for a good outlet when it comes to your emotions."
"Y-Yes, I agree," Yuri chimed in. "There is nothing like using a myriad of words to convey what you wish for others to see, and the crafting of the wordplay is in itself already an engaging experience."
"Alright, now I definitely can't relate to all this," Kenta muttered. "I might just stick to reading stuff instead of writing it."
"But it does sound fun. I'm sure that's why it appeals to a lot of people," said Daisuke. "Dunno if I can actually try it out, though. My vocabulary and writing skills don't exactly go beyond any level higher than just writing for homework."
"It does take a bit of practice, yes," Yuri told him. "For those who are interested, it's always best to do it early so that you will find the areas where you might need improvement. After that, there is the personal writing style to consider, and then the themes."
Natsuki shot her an amused look. "You sound like a real professor when you talk like that, you know?"
Yuri blushed, her confident demeanor giving way to her usual nervousness. Still, she managed to give Natsuki a small smile, which she returned.
"That's pretty interesting," Daisuke noted. He looked over at Natsuki and grinned. "What do you think? Should I give it a try?"
"What, so you can start sending me some mash notes of your own?" Natsuki quipped.
"Hey, I didn't say it was gonna be for that, okay?" said Daisuke, his handsome face turning pink.
"Uh-huh, sure," Natsuki muttered with mock skepticism. Across them, Kenta and Naoki chuckled, and Yuri even managed to smile at their exchange.
The rain continued to fall even as lunchtime drew to a close. Still, it was a surprisingly meaningful and pleasant experience for Natsuki to sit and chat with everyone else. Having grown used to being with Daisuke most of the time, she still felt reluctant to bond openly with Naoki and Kenta, and she had no doubt that Yuri also felt like an outsider of sorts. But as always, Daisuke made sure that she felt at home with them, shouldering any jabs she made at his expense and opening up topics that she could join in. And all throughout, the spirit of camaraderie that Kenta and Naoki brought made even Yuri join their conversations every now and then, answering timidly but sincerely whenever Naoki would direct a question towards her. Only Kenta seemed like the odd man out without Monika keeping him company, though he appeared fine with being the third wheel to both of their pairings as he added his big brother-like antics and takes in their discussions.
When the bell finally rang and it was time for them to return to their rooms, Natsuki went with Daisuke reluctantly, wishing that lunchtime would last forever. The rest of the day's classes would not be half-bad, though going home was a matter that she was not looking forward to. Naoki, Yuri and Kenta left together and went back to their classroom, leaving the two of them to walk down the opposite corridor toward theirs. Along the way, however, Natsuki's feeling of contentment began to fade further, and soon she found herself imagining her father's friends coming over later for another night of drunkenness.
"Do you want me to help you go home later?" Daisuke asked as they drew closer to their room.
Snapping out of her serious stupor, Natsuki shot him a look. "Why are you asking me that?"
"Well, you don't have a spare umbrella, right?"
"O-Oh. Yeah, but . . . maybe I'll just make do."
"With what, though?"
Natsuki pondered on that for a moment. "Um, maybe I can just find someone in the class who can lend me one."
"I see. I was thinking that maybe we can go to a store downtown so you can buy one to use at least for today," Daisuke said as they entered their classroom, passing by a small group of their classmates who were lounging by the doorway. "That, or I can help you hail a cab."
"No!" Natsuki snapped, blushing. "That's too much, okay?!"
"Hey, I'm not going to let you walk home in this rain, alright?" Daisuke insisted. "You look stressed enough."
Natsuki stopped in her tracks. "W-What do you mean?" she asked petulantly.
Daisuke sighed. "You were doing just fine when we were talking with the others, but as soon as we left the cafeteria, you looked like you're thinking about something really serious. I know you don't like getting helped all the time, Natsuki, but we both know you're going through enough."
I'm going through a lot more than you think. It took every ounce of Natsuki's willpower to resist telling Daisuke outright about the recent happenings at her home. At the back of her mind, she could already hear the footsteps walking towards her. She bit her lip, trying to ward off the thought and think of a reply for Daisuke at the same time.
"I'm just really stressed out because of . . . o-of what happened this morning," she said in a low voice. "Dad was d-drinking again last night, and I had to clean up after him when I woke up, as usual."
Daisuke's look of sympathy was replaced with regret, colored with a touch of frustration that was no doubt aimed towards her father. "He didn't give you any trouble, did he?" he asked quietly.
"N-No, he didn't." But his friends almost did. "It's nothing I haven't handled before, alright? It's just that . . . well, between that and the rain earlier, I got really frazzled as a result. I mean, try walking around all day with wet socks and see if you don't get stressed out!"
The longer she kept omitting the rest of what she had experienced last night, the more Natsuki felt confident about getting away with hiding the truth for now. Still, she wondered if Daisuke knew more than he was letting on, judging by the way he was looking at her with dead seriousness in his amber eyes.
After a while, he shook his head. "I just hope he doesn't pile up even more stress on you," he said with a hint of bitterness. "You're going through enough crap already without him just being a douchebag and—"
"Okay, okay, that's enough," Natsuki said firmly. She took his hand in hers and squeezed his fingers imploringly. "I'll be fine, alright? I'll manage. If you wanna help me get home later, then fine, I'll go along with it. But I think it'll be better if I just buy a spare umbrella. If I ride a cab home, Dad might see or hear me and start asking questions, and then . . . y-you know."
Daisuke let out a sigh. "Alright, we'll get you that umbrella," he said. "If you need anything else—"
"I know, I'll ask you," Natsuki finished for him. She gave him a small smile as she looked up at him. "Thanks."
"It's nothing," said Daisuke, returning her smile with one of his own. Natsuki felt somewhat relieved as they sat down, their hands breaking away from each other. For now, the footsteps lingered harmlessly somewhere within her psyche, and they would have to continue living there rent-free for now alongside her dreams of her mother's passing. The day would surely come when she would tell Daisuke about what she had gone through, though with the ominous feeling that came with keeping things hidden for now, she also wondered if it would be too late by then.
A/N: I live once more! And first off, I'm really, really sorry for the longer delay. I was actually on a roll with my chapters until I fell sick with the flu. Thankfully, after a few days' worth of bedrest and taking meds, I managed to recover quickly enough. It took me a couple more days to mentally get back in the groove, hence the extended delay. Once again, I apologize if I kept you waiting again :(
I'm already planning the next chapter out so that I'll be able to make enough of a headway into it in case it gets delayed. Some work-related stuff is gonna be happening soon and I might end up being busy again, so I wanna make sure I create enough progress to make things easier for the next chapter upload. For now, I hope this chapter delivers a nice read for you all.
As always, stay safe, and happy reading!