A/N: From this point onward, depression, self-harm and other sensitive issues might be shown, portrayed or discussed in this chapter and others to come. Reader discretion is advised for those who are sensitive to such matters.
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE – SECOND FLOOR ENCOUNTERS
Days had already passed, and yet Sayori still felt that something was dismally wrong.
Naturally, it seemed rather foolish to keep dwelling on the thought that she had truly inconvenienced Monika, even though she was all smiles whenever she spoke to Sayori during the fleeting times they encountered each other in class. Sayori kept telling herself that everything was fine; after all, how could it not be? She had given her landlord her monthly due, told her mother that everything was taken care of, and that was it. There were very few reasons for her to imagine that something was still amiss, and yet it was all Sayori could keep thinking about, even to the point that she began to let it get to her more and more.
When she stepped out of her apartment that morning, the falling rain seemed to echo her miserable mood. Sayori watched the raindrops patter on the concrete pathway leading to the gate, momentarily forgetting that she was already supposed to go to school before snapping awake and going back inside to get her umbrella. Waking up and preparing for another day felt like the same chore it had been for the past few days now, and every single time, Sayori felt even heavier, as if a certain kind of weight was starting to pile up inside her. Even more frustrating was the fact that she could not seem to pinpoint her previous dilemma as the sole culprit for it.
I shouldn't have taken the money. Maybe things wouldn't feel so wrong if I just said no, Sayori told herself as she walked through the rain. But if I did that, then Mom would be so mad at me. I'd be in trouble either way. Crossing the first street around the block with her head down, she drew a sigh. This back-and-forth she was having with herself had become a sort of routine for her in the past days, though it was not one that did her feelings any favors. Often times, it left her feeling even more stressed than before, though she tried her best not to let that stress show in front of people.
A horn blaring loudly through the street startled her out of her thoughts. She looked up just in time to see a red car screeching to a halt a few feet away from her, causing her to stumble backwards onto the sidewalk instinctively. As the car resumed driving slowly through the street, the driver glowered angrily at her from inside.
"Eyes up, missy!" he hollered at her.
"S-Sorry, sir!" Sayori cried out, bowing her head over and over in apology, but by then the car was already speeding away. She rubbed her eyes wearily, trying hard not to look at the passersby who may have seen her blunder, and crossed the street a little more carefully.
I should be more careful, she mused. But . . . if I ended up running into that car, maybe I wouldn't have to worry anymore. But even as she came to such a sentiment, Sayori immediately backpedaled, noticing how bleak her mind was starting to be. She shook her head and trudged on in the rain, unwilling to give voice to such dark thoughts this early in the morning regardless of how downtrodden she was feeling. Such musings were starting to become commonplace at least where her internet browsing was concerned, when she would find herself relating to some of the disheartening things that people narrate about certain chapters in their lives. It reminded her of the bad days she had when she would distance herself from Akihiro; and even worse, it brought back memories of the incident involving her neighbor. Once again, Sayori did not want to think that she was starting to become prone to the same kind of depression she had seen and read about, even though the stories she had perused and the things she felt seemed to give stronger confirmation every time. Her neighbor's unit, now vacant after the harrowing incident that took place there, stood like a grim reminder of harsher days and unknown portents to come every time she passed by it every morning.
Misfortune piled up a little more as Sayori saw just how many students were converging at the school entrance, becoming bottlenecked at the doors as they struggled to get out of the rain and inside the building all at once. The threat of arriving late for class seemed to agitate everyone further, causing them to push against each other in a bid to get inside. Sayori soon found herself being shoved from all sides as she drew closer to the door, joining the sea of umbrellas, raincoats and warm bodies. Other students were trying to get everyone in order and lessen the chaos, to little effect. A few times, Sayori felt her foot get stepped on by someone's shoe, though at this point she felt too dejected to even care.
Nevertheless, it took a short amount of time for her to get inside; surrounded by the press of students trying to enter the main building, it was as if she had been carried and pushed inside without her even noticing. Students dried off hurriedly, closing their umbrellas and taking off their raincoats while racing to their respective lockers down the hallway. Sayori shook her umbrella dry, ignoring the fact that she was spraying rainwater all over herself, and made her way silently to class on the second floor.
To Sayori's surprise, Monika was outside their classroom's door, talking to a nervous-looking girl with long blonde hair and brown eyes filled with fear. Sayori bowed her head as she drew closer to them, not wanting to disturb them, but Monika had already spotted her. She smiled and waved at her.
"Good morning, Sayori!" she said brightly. The other girl, whom Sayori did not recognize, looked away anxiously.
"M-Morning, Moni," Sayori greeted back, putting on a smile of her own.
"Aren't you cold? Your uniform looks like it took a beating," Monika said, nodding at the wet patches on her blazer.
"Oh, it's nothing," said Sayori, and indeed it was; the coldness of the rain was nothing compared to how bleak she was feeling. "I-It's just a little rain, after all."
"Did you bring an extra blazer, at least?"
"No, n-not really. Looks like I'll just have to wing it and see if I don't get sick, huh?"
"Hopefully." Monika's piercingly green eyes looked concerned all over again, reminding her almost painfully of her seventy thousand yen. "Anyway, I'll see you inside, okay? I'm just gonna finish talking with Himari over here."
"No worries," said Sayori, smiling again at her and the other girl politely. With that, she entered the classroom, knowing that whatever the day might have in store, getting sick would not be that big of a deal compared to the emptiness that gripped her.
For everyone else, in spite of the rain continuing to fall outside, the day progressed as normal as can be. Classes were held smoothly, assignments were given, and lessons were discussed. Sayori had difficulty in focusing, though she did manage to dodge several bullets during class recitations when her professors stopped short of calling her to answer their questions and instead focused on her other classmates. Sayori did not want to think how she would have responded to any of the questions in her current disposition.
After a particularly taxing lesson about life during Japan's postwar years, the classroom began to fill with snippets of idle conversation. Sayori watched as her friends gathered together to chat, using the little free time they had in between their previous class and the next to talk to one another. Sitting right by them, she could not help but overhear their conversations.
"—wonder if the Plum still has it, though," said Runa, tugging idly at her light brown hair with a grimace. "Ugh, I should've just bought it then! Who knows if someone already got it?"
"Knowing your style, it's just a tacky plaid piece, right?" Kana joked next to her.
"Hey, it'll be the perfect thing to wear for Christmas!" Runa insisted with a pout. "Besides, Makoto told me how he just loves seeing me in red. I've got to have it!"
"Oh please, don't think too highly of yourself, Runa," raven-haired Rieko deadpanned. "Makoto's probably just humoring how you only have one color choice for all of your outfits."
As retorts and giggles rang out from their group, Sayori smiled and sidled closer to them. "H-Hey, you guys!" she said. "Going to the mall again?"
Her friends looked towards her with smiles. In spite of this, however, Sayori suddenly became aware of how glaring her interruption had been. I shouldn't have barged in like that, she immediately thought with a stab of regret and shame. Maybe they don't even want me here.
"Yeah, Hayato over there wanted to help us find something for her mom's birthday," answered Kana, oblivious to her dilemma. "And as you might've heard, Runa's gonna pitch a fit if she doesn't find that dress she saw the other day."
"I see. . ." Sayori mused with a nod. "How about the rain, though?"
"Eh, we can always wing it," said Rieko with a shrug. "How about you? Do you wanna come with us?"
"Ah, I dunno about that. You know how busy Sayori is with dear ol' Akihiro," Runa teased, putting emphasis on Akihiro's name and making Sayori's heart skip a beat. "When you're in different classes, pining for each other just becomes an everyday thing, so you gotta make the most out of your time outside school."
"So how far have you gone with him, Sayori?" Hayato added as the girls tittered. "Rieko's sure to have some pointers after her last date with Kenshiro if you want them."
"Hey, what the hell, Hayato?!" Rieko hissed, looking wildly around in case anyone heard.
Sayori laughed nervously along with the rest of them. But even though the momentary mirth provided her with a reason to smile and feel better, she felt a pang in her chest as she remembered Akihiro. No doubt her friends only saw the brief interactions they had and remembered the times she had regaled them with stories of Akihiro's sweetness. Never had Sayori shared to them the burden of staying away from him when her sadness acted up, making her feel like she deserved little to none of his care and affection with how much of a burden she seemed. Though they had no real reason to quarrel and cool off like most couples did, Sayori felt that her usual routine of keeping her distance was somehow worse, especially during the odd moment when she would imagine how sad and lonely Akihiro might be feeling.
"Anyway, we might grab a bite once Hayato's done buying her stuff," said Kana. "If you wanna come along, just tell us."
"Ah, I . . . I'm gonna pass for now," said Sayori apologetically. "I'm not going on a date w-with Akihiro or anything. I just . . . have some things to take care of tonight."
"Aww, that's okay," said Rieko. "There's always next time."
"Yeah, next time," Kana repeated with a smile. "Oh, I just remembered! Did you guys see that new store that just opened a week ago? It's the one on the second floor between Pink Velvet and Uniquelia."
"Oh yeah, I think I remember that. Chaussure, right?" asked Runa. "They had some gorgeous shoes!"
As their conversation continued without breaking too much stride, Sayori smiled sadly to herself and receded back into her seat. Though her friends were as receptive as ever, she could not help but feel even lonelier now that they had moved on without her—and quite easily too. They don't need me around, she found herself thinking. They'll do just fine without me. I'll just end up bumming them out.
With most of the students in the school flocking to eat in the cafeteria due to the rains outside, very little space was left for any latecomers and lone eaters come lunchtime. Sayori fell under the unfortunate latter group, as her friends had managed to occupy a table without her. She could not find Akihiro or his group of friends anywhere, though she did spot Kenta sitting with his friends on one side along with Natsuki and Yuri. Between that and the fact that she had no way of moving past a crowd on her own, Sayori soon lost her desire to eat. In no time at all, she found herself wandering the corridors along with the other students who had already finished eating or where sitting out lunch with snacks instead of proper meals.
A vacant staircase at the far end of the building soon became her temporary sanctuary. She sat down on the bottommost steps, oddly inured to the growling of her stomach as she stared out of the nearby windows and watched the rain fall. It was a like a scene straight out of a sad movie or music video, and it made her feel even more pitiable.
I need to get myself together, she told herself. There's still stuff to look forward to. Maybe if I just look in the right direction, I won't feel like this. Gripped by this urgent desire to start finding ways to feel better, she went back to the articles and stories she had read on the internet, of how the people telling them had managed to overcome those hurdles. But the words seemed to escape her recollections, blurred by a veil of sadness that she could not seem to pierce through. She braced her arms around herself, shrinking against the staircase's balustrade, ignoring the feel of its bars digging into her shoulder.
It was only when things had quieted down—whether in the school or inside her head—that Sayori noticed voices coming from the floor above her. She looked around, wondering if someone was about to come down the stairs, but she felt startled when she noticed that the conversation was starting to grow loud, almost heated. Caught in the moment, Sayori sat up straighter, trying to listen to some of the words being thrown around.
All of a sudden, a figure appeared on the steps above, running down two at a time. Sayori twitched in her spot and quickly jerked backwards just as a girl came hurrying down. She stopped in her tracks, looked over at Sayori fleetingly, and continued her descent until she made it downstairs, trying hard to hide the look of tearful regret on her face. Sayori felt even more surprised as she recognized who the girl was—the blonde girl that Monika had been talking to earlier that morning. She watched as she walked quickly down the corridor, her head bowed and her body trembling.
When she was gone, Sayori turned her attention back to the voices upstairs. Her eyes widened. That's Monika.
Driven by both curiosity and worry, Sayori climbed up the staircase, careful not to advance too quickly and risk being seen. Monika's voice was soon joined by a male's, stern and rather derisive, and one that Sayori did not recognize. Halfway up the stairs, she stopped, feeling self-conscious about eavesdropping, but the growing intensity of the argument was starting to make her feel even more anxious for Monika. Hesitantly, she went up a few more steps until she could finally make out the words being belted out.
"—was that we would be complete for Thursday. Again, that was the agreement," said the boy in a firm tone.
"Yes, but again, this is a legitimate emergency, Takeo!" Monika insisted. "I get it if it was just a minor inconvenience related to school, but something as important as a checkup is a different matter!"
"But Himari's not the one getting the checkup, right? Again, I don't see why she cannot ask anyone else to attend the checkup for her."
"She already mentioned that apart from her, only her aunt would be able to help her. But of course you didn't listen to that part because you were too busy trying to scold her. Why did you have to say all those things to her?"
"I cannot afford any more setbacks, Monika! We cannot afford any more setbacks!" Sayori winced at the sudden outburst, doubling back a few steps like she was the one being yelled at. "What do you expect our advisers to say when they get wind of this on Thursday? Do you think they'll be as understanding as you?"
"Just because Himari will miss the evaluation doesn't mean we're losing the nationals," Monika declared. "That's why we have contingency plans for things like this. We're lucky that Noe managed to step in for Himari. In fact, we're lucky everyone is trying so hard to make sure everything goes well, even with you breathing down their necks."
The boy named Takeo let out an audible scoff, but Monika cut across him before he could complain any further. "Why are you acting like everything is going to fall apart instantly, Takeo? We have it under control. Everyone is working hard, and adjusting when needed. Don't you think it's time that you finally gave everyone a chance instead of running things the way only you see fit?"
"We've been through this many times before, Monika," said Takeo. "I won't waste any more time discussing it with you all over again. Fine, let Himari take care of what she needs to do, but don't expect me to coddle her for the inconvenience she will cause on Thursday. Think of me what you will—inconsiderate, overbearing, whatever. All I want is for the club to be perfect come January, and I've been seeing enough mistakes to know that we're far from being in shape. I know you see that as well."
Footsteps rang out after this last proclamation, drawing closer to the staircase in an instant. Sayori did not have enough time to back away before a handsome, auburn-haired boy loomed over her, stopping at the stairs as he noticed her standing there. He raised an eyebrow for a brief moment before making his way down, paying little heed to her as he went. Sayori watched anxiously, waiting for the boy to reprimand her for eavesdropping, but he did not seem to care as he left. Only when he had vanished round the corridor downstairs did Sayori continue her ascent.
Monika was leaning with her back against the wall, her eyes closed and her face bearing a mixture of weariness and regret. When Sayori walked over to her, the sound of her footsteps made Monika look up.
"Sayori? What are you doing here?" she asked, surprised.
"I w-was just wandering around," Sayori replied, feeling reluctant. "I kinda heard you talking to that . . . that guy who just went downstairs."
Monika let out a short laugh in spite of her obvious problems. "Arguing, you mean. Yes, that was a little issue for the debate club, which is why I was talking to Himari earlier this morning, as you might've seen. And of course, my vice president wasn't pleased about what happened. To be honest, I wish the three of us talked inside the clubroom for this one, but I think we forgot that as soon as the argument started."
Sayori bristled a little. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to listen in on you two."
"No, no, it's okay. Besides, anyone passing by here can easily hear how loud we were. Did you see poor Himari as well?"
"Yeah, she ran past me down the stairs. She looked like she was about to cry."
Monika shook her head. "Takeo never does remember how harsh he could be. I thought I'd be able to rein him in and stop him from scolding Himari too much when she came to talk to him, but as you might've heard, it didn't really turn out well."
"I hope she's okay," Sayori mused sadly. "And I hope you're okay too, Moni."
"I'll manage," said Monika with a smile. "It's nothing new, really. It might seem a bit startling for you and everyone else, but for me, that's life."
"But you're stressed out," Sayori insisted.
Monika kept smiling, though her eyes showed anything other than joy or comfort. Sayori walked closer to her. Just like her, it was apparent that her friend was trying—and struggling—to put up the illusion that everything was fine. But it was very rare for her to see anyone as strong, confident and diligent as Monika sag under the weight of stress.
Sayori placed a hand on her arm. "Moni, are you sure everything's okay?"
Her smile faltering, Monika sighed and bowed her head. "I wish. I mean, it's just the stress brought by the nationals and all, but . . . I just want it to be over. I've got a lot on my plate right now, and I can't even talk to anyone at home about it. And then Kenta . . ."
At that, Sayori gripped Monika's arm more insistently. "Did something happen to you two?!" she gasped, fearing the worst.
"No, no, we're fine," said Monika hastily. "It's just been a while since we talked properly. I can't even find the time to reply to him, and . . ." She shook her head despondently. "I don't want him to think that I'm ignoring him or avoiding him. I miss him so much. I'm just really, really busy nowadays that I don't have enough time to take care of it all."
"Aww. That's okay, Moni," said Sayori comfortingly, feeling relieved that her musings were quite far from the truth. "I'm sure Kenta understands. You're not avoiding him because you want to, u-unlike someone miserable I know. . ."
The resentment in her tone must have been quite obvious, for her words made Monika look at her. "Are you avoiding Akihiro again?" she asked her with concern.
"No, it's n-not like that," said Sayori. "Well . . . okay, it's kinda like that. I'm just . . . not in the right headspace to be with him. Or anyone, I think." She smiled sadly at Monika. "You're not the only one who has problems reconnecting with people, Moni. But what's different is that you can't help it because of what you're doing. Me, on the other hand . . . well, I have no excuse. I just avoid people even if I don't have anything that keeps me from talking to them."
Now it was Monika's turn to brace her arm gently. "Hey, it's fine. I understand. Do you want to talk about it?"
Sayori looked straight into her emerald-like eyes with a feeling of hope. Monika looked so sisterly even with her own stress weighing her down that it was hard to refuse her. Even so, Sayori kept remembering the seventy thousand yen she borrowed, making her reconsider her desire to vent.
"I know what you're thinking, and no, the money I gave you is not an issue, okay?" Monika went on. "It never was."
Sayori drew back. "A-Are you a mind-reader, Moni? How did you know I was thinking about that?"
Monika shot her a knowing look. "I know more than you think, Sayori," she said in a serious tone. Sayori gaped at her, unsure of what to say. After a brief second, however, the staid atmosphere dissipated fairly quickly as Monika giggled.
"I'm just messing with you," she said, her tone now markedly gentler. "Honestly, if I could read minds, that would solve a lot of my problems for January. But anyway, if you're still thinking that what happened before was a problem, it's not, okay? Don't let it contribute to your worries. Everything's fine, I promise."
Sayori sighed. "I know. It's just that . . . my mind thinks of it differently, you know? It always does. I'm tired of it, really. It's been nothing but sad thoughts and emptiness every time I remember your help, or Akihiro's presence. I wanted to find out why I kept feeling this way, so I started reading stuff online too."
"What kind of stuff?" Monika asked.
Gesturing with her hands like she was trying to put her words into concrete images, Sayori grimaced. "Stories, about . . . about people who are going through things like this, a-and worse. About depression and loneliness, being empty, t-that kind of stuff. It's pretty interesting because a lot of the stuff they say there, I could really relate to. And I don't think I'm able to say this stuff because I'm just imitating what they were saying or trying to feel what they felt. It's all . . . real. Like, the loneliness, the emptiness, it's like I didn't have a proper way of acknowledging it before until now. Maybe back then, I couldn't really notice that I was going through those kinds of feelings because everything felt . . . easier to deal with, and loads better."
Monika looked as sympathetic as ever, but even she seemed unsure on what to say. For a moment, she could only give Sayori a comforting caress on her shoulder. Sayori, on the other hand, looked away and heaved a sigh.
"I'm sorry, Moni. You're the one with worries at the moment, and here I am making it all about m-myself," she told Monika apologetically.
Of course you had to make it about yourself, since you're too stupid to shut up about your feelings, she added to herself in return.
"No, no, don't think of it that way, Sayori," said Monika hastily, her words clashing against the brutal musings in her head. "It's fine. We're both letting our frustrations out, and that's what's good. Better than keeping it all bottled up, to be sure. In fact, I'm grateful that I can still talk to you like this, and that you take the time to talk to me. I really appreciate it."
"After all the stuff you've done to help me out, of course I'm gonna help you in return!" said Sayori. And how are you going to do that? You'll never be able to pay her back for the seventy thousand yen.
Monika smiled. "Thank you, Sayori. The same goes for you, okay? If you need someone who can listen, or if you need advice on something, don't hesitate to talk to me. I'll make time for you, Kenta or anyone else. It's a little tough to do right now considering how hectic things are, but I promise I'll reply, one way or another."
You know she won't. She won't tolerate someone like you for too long.
Sayori forced herself to smile back. "Thanks, Moni. You're a great friend."
And one that you don't deserve. Monika kept smiling, unaware of her internal conflict as she leaned in and gave her a sisterly hug. The gesture rang hollow for Sayori as she embraced her back, though she knew that was hardly her friend's fault.
The rain only started to let up when classes for the day had ended. The clouds overhead still looked as grey as ever, and large puddles of water had formed across the school grounds, forcing people to walk through them if they wished to leave the school. Still, students and teachers alike walked willingly through the light rain, enthusiastic about the respite they had been given from the downpour. Soon, another river of umbrellas trickled out from Koizumi Academy, meandering through the gates and out onto the streets of Eishima.
Sayori waited until most of the crowd of students had managed to leave, not wanting to get caught up in another scuffle at the main building's entrance. By the time she chose to leave, everyone from her class had gone. Monika had invited her to stay awhile in case she wanted to talk after her debate club practice, but Sayori refused, partly because she wanted to give the voices in her head less ammunition to use against her. The emptiness in her heart never left her, but at the very least she was not about to let her feet drag her home in a lifeless, robotic march. Thankfully, no cars ended up almost running into her as she walked, though she did almost run into a few strangers along the way.
Back at her apartment, passing by the parked cars of some tenants parked outside the gates, Sayori was startled to find a familiar face walking along the corridor on the second floor where her unit was. She had seen this thin, black-haired lady only once before, and that had been during that distressing incident months ago, when she had been panicking and begging Sayori's neighbors to help her save her sister. The sight of her made Sayori stop in her tracks, like she had just seen a ghost of sorts; it did not help at first that she was wearing only black and grey, from her long-sleeved sweater to her pencil skirt to her doll shoes. The woman, meanwhile, did not seem to notice her as she struggled to place a couple of stacked cardboard boxes down on the floor right next to the doorway of her sister's unit at B-34. More objects were there, including a few paintings, a potted plant, and a black leather suitcase with wheels.
Suddenly, the second box on the woman's arms teetered and fell over. Its contents spilled out onto the hallway—clothes, books, and a few everyday objects such as a hairbrush and a small makeup bag. The woman let out a cry of frustration as she set down the box in her arms and bent down to begin picking everything up.
Sayori hurried over to her. "Do you need help, ma'am?" she called out readily.
The woman turned around, startled. "Oh!" she cried out when she saw her approaching. "Y-Yes, I think that'd be nice right about now. I hope you don't mind?"
"No, it's okay." With that, Sayori put her own bag down, knelt down on the floor next to her and began to pick up the fallen objects, stacking and arranging them as neatly as she could before depositing them back inside the box they came from. The woman obviously had no idea that Sayori was familiar with her or her sister who owned the same things that they were now picking up, and it gave her an odd feeling somehow.
When everything was back in place, the woman placed the box on top of the one she had been carrying before turning to face Sayori. "Thank you, young lady," she said appreciatively. "I wanted to get as many things out as I could, but it's not that good of an idea when you're alone."
Sayori smiled as she slung her schoolbag on her shoulder. "I understand, ma'am. You're welcome."
Having nothing else to say, she stood back, knowing that she could easily go on ahead to her own unit now, but the fact that she was standing face to face with the sister of B-34's former tenant was keeping her curiosity up. Meanwhile, the woman turned and vanished inside the apartment unit again, presumably to get more of the things inside. Standing this close to the unit, Sayori felt her heart race as she recalled the sights and sounds of that dreadful evening, a trip down memory lane that she was not keen on revisiting.
When the woman came out of the unit carrying a small red tote bag and saw her still standing there, she drew back in surprise again. "Yes? Is there something you need from me?" she asked her.
Sayori felt herself grow cold, realizing the spot that she may have just put herself in. She swallowed nervously, her mind racing as it struggled to find a decent response. The woman, on the other hand, merely kept staring at her confusedly. The lines under her eyes made her seem a lot older than she actually was, and Sayori could only wonder how she had fared in the days after her sister's suicide attempt.
"Pardon me for asking, ma'am, but . . . y-you're her sister, right? I mean, the sister of . . . t-the woman who used to live there, at B-34."
In all respects, it was not the best of questions to start things off, but it was the only thing that came to Sayori's mind that did not seem as awkward as a delayed greeting or a more random type of query. The woman, on the other hand, seemed unable to speak for a moment. The surprise on her face was soon replaced by an onset of sadness, though she did manage to give Sayori a small, cordial smile.
"Yes, I am," she replied, setting the tote bag down at her feet. "Did you know my sister Tsuru?"
"Oh, n-not really. We were just neighbors here, but I didn't get to talk to her that much," said Sayori. "I'm sorry for asking you this out of the blue, ma'am. It's just that I recognized you from . . . from that night."
"Oh, I see . . ." said the woman, nodding. "I'm sorry. I don't remember much about the people who were there that night. I'm Tsukiko Kobayashi, by the way."
"Sayori Matsuzaki," said Sayori politely. "Did you live here with your sister?"
"Ah, no, I have my own place downtown with my fiancé," said Tsukiko. "I only come here to visit Tsuru after work sometimes."
"Oh, okay. . ." Sayori paused for a moment. "H-How is your sister doing?"
The woman looked at her with another sad smile. "Gone."
The word pierced through the silence overwhelmingly, like someone had thrown a stone through a glass window. Sayori took a step back, feeling her heart drop into her stomach.
"G-Gone? You mean she . . . ?"
Tsukiko Kobayashi nodded before she could get the dreadful truth out. "Yes. She died only last w-week."
Shock and shame surged through Sayori's extremities, making it feel like she was drowning in ice. In her mind, she remembered the sight of the comatose woman being taken out on a stretcher by paramedics while the apartment's tenants watched on in shock. Sayori knew she would never forget how pale and lifeless the woman had looked, or how loud the woman before her had been screaming then.
"I'm so sorry," she stammered at last.
"It's alright," said Tsukiko, her voice shaking a little. "That's . . . That's how it is."
Sayori gripped the strap of her schoolbag even tighter. Tsukiko appeared calm, though it was obvious to see that there was still a tremendous amount of pain beneath her countenance. Behind her, B-34 looked like the grimmest place Sayori had seen. She could only imagine what kind of horrible spectacle had been waiting for Tsukiko Kobayashi when she came to visit that night.
"I'm really, really sorry, ma'am," Sayori repeated helplessly. "I didn't mean to . . . t-to ask like that."
Tsukiko shook her head. "No harm done, don't worry. Right now I'm just collecting the last of her things that we haven't taken home yet." She raised the tote bag and the rest of the belongings around her. "I figured that I should get around to it, since no one else will. It's difficult, b-but . . . it is what it is." She heaved a sigh and smiled in spite of herself. "At least by doing this, I'll be able to find something to help our family remember her by. It's better than just remembering her for . . . f-for what happened to her."
Sayori could only nod at the words, her sympathy just pouring forth for the woman before her. Sobered by someone else's sorrow, she recalled the stories she had read online, of those that spoke of the pain of losing a loved one to something as shocking as suicide. Some processed their grief with retellings of the memories they had with the deceased; others narrated everything in a serious, almost formal manner, as if unwilling to let their sorrow show; others spoke of the horrific scene they stumbled into when they came across the victim's body. In spite of these differences in the sharing of their stories, nearly all of them echoed the same sentiments as Tsukiko Kobayashi did—that life just moved on after such a loss. As painful and disheartening as it sounded, it was the truth, and while some spoke with resentment at how cruelly life had turned for them, they admit that there was very little they could do about it other than to keep living and moving on.
"Your sister was a very nice woman," Sayori said after a few quiet seconds. "I didn't get to talk to her that much, but she was always so kind and open whenever I ran into her around here."
It was the only thing she could say that did not seem like an unwelcome reopening of the woman's wounds. Tsukiko looked close to tears, but she pressed on nonetheless. "Tsuru was always like that, even towards people she didn't know. That's what makes me miss her the most, along with her smile. I just hope she's doing a lot better now."
Looking away, she bent down to rearrange her sister's belongings with trembling fingers; Sayori took that as the signal that she should leave. "I have to get going now, ma'am. I . . . I'm sorry for what happened to your sister. A-And again, I'm sorry for talking to you about her like this."
Tsukiko looked up at her with an appreciative smile, her eyes glistening a little. "It's fine. Thank you for your sympathy and your help, young lady. I appreciate it."
"It was nothing, ma'am," said Sayori, smiling politely back.
Tsukiko nodded, and paused for a moment. "You live alone, don't you?"
Sayori felt surprised at her query. "Yes, ma'am. Over there at B-39."
"I see." Tsukiko looked at her unit for a moment before turning back to her. "Take care of yourself. Simple advice, yes, but after what happened to Tsuru, I know now that there are a lot of things we take for granted until it's too late. Don't let that happen to you. Life's too short, you know?"
Sayori imagined that she must have glimpsed something in her countenance then, for there was an earnest gleam in Tsukiko's sorrow-laden eyes as she stated her parting advice. Perhaps she had seen a glimpse of her late sister in her countenance, or perhaps she simply wanted to impart what she had failed to tell other people before. Whatever the case, it saddened and moved Sayori at the same time.
"Thank you, ma'am," she said. "I'll do my best to not forget that."
"You're welcome," said Tsukiko with a smile. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I just need to take out the last few things here."
"Do you need any help with them?" Sayori asked.
"No, it's fine. I'll manage this time. Thank you."
With that, Tsukiko Kobayashi turned and went back inside B-34. Outside the unit's door, her sister's belongings stood like concrete memories from a lifetime ago, whispering tales not unlike the ones Sayori had read online. She looked upon them one last time before going down to her own apartment unit. By the time she reached her door, tears had formed at the corners of her eyes.
A/N: Oof. Oof. And another oof. The past month was anything but good where my writing was concerned. So much writer's block that I could literally feel my brain straining as it tried to think of something. I'm so sorry, everyone. I didn't expect things to just go downhill like that and delay everything that long. I can only hope that the chapter I turned out is up to par. So exhausting.
With the holidays approaching, I don't know what things are in store, and whether I'll slow down as badly as that again. I don't want to think that I'm burning out already, and I'm gonna try to keep going at it when I get new ideas that I can actually turn into pages instead of single lines. As always, you guys are the ones I live for when it comes to this fic. Thank you so much for staying with it. I'll see you in the next one, whenever it may be. Stay safe!