Duran-kun and Kiyo-chan's Omake Theater

(featuring the Kuga-Fujino family pets)

In general, Natsuki Kuga enjoyed take-out Chinese food. It was quick and efficient, it was tasty, and it made for good leftovers that could be easily reheated the next day. For a girl who'd spent her formative years learning how to maintain and fire a gun, fight hand-to-hand, push a motorcycle's mechanical limits, sneak unseen by a row of armed men and infiltrate secure locations without setting off alarms, that was a good thing. The culinary arts were not her friend. Indeed, she'd become a fan of mayonnaise because it could reliably turn the "add water and microwave" instant meals that were all she could reliably manage into something she could vaguely enjoy eating.

If it sometimes rankled that her girlfriend's pet hydra had more domestic skills than she had, well, hey, every member of a family contributed something different, right?

The fact that she was thinking of her little household as "family" now did not escape her attention, but she stubbornly resisted confronting that particular existential crisis just then. Deep ruminations about the meaning of life and the direction hers was taking had no place while she was trying to keep the last beef skewer away from her dog.

Duran whimpered and turned his puppy-dog eyes on her. Being an actual canine, albeit an armed one made of metal, they were highly effective. The ice princess, however, lived up to her reputation.

"Seriously, boy, can't you at least wait until we're done with the appetizers to start begging? Have some pride!"

Shizuru Fujino giggled at their antics.

"But Natsuki, the skewers are the perfect food for him. They have chunks of meat without any onions or other spicy vegetables to upset his stomach, and after he eats the food, he still has the stick to play with!"

"I am more than happy to throw the stick from him to fetch, but the meat is mine, dammit!"

Duran whimpered. Any counter-argument he might have presented was cut off by a crunching sound, and everyone looked over to see Kiyohime munching away at her fortune cookie, having extracted the slip of paper from it first.

"Somebody has a sweet tooth," Natsuki decided.

She wasn't sure if it was possible for something without lips to smirk, but Kiyohime's fifth head appeared to be doing a passable imitation of it. The first and sixth heads, meanwhile, plucked two additional cookies out of the pile and, holding them by the corners of their plastic packaging, extended them to Shizuru and Natsuki.

"And apparently wants to share it," Shizuru said, smiling as she took the cookie.

Natsuki had a harder challenge to face. She looked at the cookie, then at the beef skewer in her hand, then over at Duran, who was still watching the meat like a hawk.

"Don't try anything funny," she told him, then put the skewer back into the carton it had come out of and reached for the cookie.

Shizuru had already stripped her cookie of the wrapper, broken it open, and was reading the fortune.

"Let me guess," Natsuki drawled, "'You will seize the first available opportunity to tear off your girlfriend's jeans.'"

"Ara, Natsuki has such a lewd opinion of me," Shizuru giggled.

"Lewd but accurate."

"Well, yes, but it's tacky to say so."

"There's an elegant way to ravish me on the living room floor?"

"You seem to be thinking a lot about this." Shizuru wiggled her eyebrows at her.

"Idiot. Just read your fortune."

"'You have a keen sense of humor and love a good time.' Well, I certainly cannot argue about that assessment."

"So first you'll tease me until I blush, then you'll elegantly ravish me on the living room floor?" Natsuki asked, then opened her own cookie. This time, she didn't need Shizuru's help to make her blush.

"Ooh, it must be good. Tell me!"

Natsuki shook her head.

"Tel-l me," Shizuru singsonged.

"Don't wanna."

"Now, now, you don't want me to have to get it from you the hard way, do you?"

Natsuki crumpled the fortune up in her fist.

"Let's just finish our dinner, okay? I wasn't even through with my appetizers." She reached for her beef skewer.

The tawny-haired missile knocked her flat on her back before she could grab the stick. She squirmed and thrashed, trying to get free while Shizuru grabbed for her clenched hand.

"Resistance is futile, Natsuki!"

"You won't get it out of me that easily!"

"Oh, won't I?"

Shizuru's fingers dug into Natsuki's sides. Now, Natsuki was not a particularly ticklish person. However, from two years of friendship with insufficient respect for personal boundaries, followed by nearly two years of being lovers and the virtually unfettered access to Natsuki's body that brought, Shizuru knew every single vulnerable spot on her body and exactly how to exploit them. In under two minutes the biker was red-faced and laughing so hard she barely even noticed Shizuru claiming the fortune from her near-limp fingers.

"Now, let us see what was so shocking that Natsuki had to hide it from me. 'You are given the chance to take part in an exciting adventure.' Why, Natsuki, how thrilling!" She smiled down at her pinned lover. "I'll have to make sure to be especially thorough tonight, so as not to let your fortune down." Her burgundy eyes seemed to hold all the ageless wickedness of a Venus or Astarte.

Too bad for her Natsuki had other ideas.

With a quick scissoring of her legs and a twist of her hips, she found herself on top of Shizuru, her hands gripping her lover's wrists to keep her arms pinned back.

"And what," Natsuki growled, "makes you think I'm going to give you the chance?" She leaned in and nibbled at that one spot along the edge of Shizuru's collarbone that always made her melt (hey, that know-her-body thing ran both ways, right?).

"Ara, Natsuki, you—oooh!—baited me with all this—mmmm—talk of me ravishing you just so you could trap me, didn't you?"

"Hey, I know how Chinese take-out always ends up. Do you think I'd have brought it home if I didn't want the inevitable to happen?"

"I'm so proud of my Natsuki. Being lecherous and sneaky!"

"I had a good teacher," she said, then crushed Shizuru's mouth with her own. "Want to see how well I learned?"

"My fortune did say that I love a good time," Shizuru purred back, and any further communication was abandoned in favor of moans, whimpers, soft sighs, and the rustling (and occasional tearing) of clothes being discarded.

Kiyohime's second head handed the disputed beef skewer down to Duran while her others busied themselves with the cartons containing the entrees. Her faces were definitely full of smug self-satisfaction, for as her own fortune had said, "Opportunities surround you if you know where to look."

~X X X~

A/N: As always, all fortunes contained in this story turned up in actual RL Chinese take-out from my life. I seriously swear the people who run the cookie factories must read these shorts or something.