Duran-kun and Kiyo-chan's Omake Theater
(featuring the Kuga-Fujino family pets)
Omake Week 2018, Day 6: There's just something warm and fluffy about snuggling at home with one's sweetie and the kids, er, CHILDs.
~X X X~
"Okay, now that's just creepy," Natsuki decided.
"Oh, what is?" her girlfriend called from the kitchen.
"This nature documentary." She waved the remote in the general direction of the TV, a fairly pointless gesture since the only ones who could see it were Duran and Kiyohime.
"I did not know that Natsuki watched such things."
"I was actually watching this show on theories as to how the asteroid belt formed, and this was on after it. Anyway, my point is, they were showing how snakes can eat food that's bigger around than their own head, and they swallow it whole and it makes this giant bulge in their bodies while they digest it. It's just plain weird!"
Shizuru emerged from the kitchen, carrying a bowl with four peeled hard-boiled eggs. She set it down on the coffee table, then joined Natsuki on the floor, snuggling up shamelessly.
"You forget; I have seen Natsuki and her friends eating pizza."
"Hey, that was mostly Mikoto and you know it. I swear that girl could eat a whole ox if Mai found a ramen bowl big enough for it."
"I did say 'and her friends,'" Shizuru pointed out.
"Hedging your bets only shows that you knew it was a flawed try at teasing me from the outset."
"Ikezu," Shizuru pouted. Natsuki just smirked, because she was right and they both knew it. But being a good winner, she kissed Shizuru on the tip of her nose.
"Yeah, but I'm your meanie." She groped around behind her and grabbed an egg, then took a bite. Chewing, she frowned thoughtfully down at the food.
"Is something wrong with the eggs?"
"Huh? Oh, no, I was just thinking about something. It's kind of silly, though."
"Go on; tell me."
Natsuki snorted.
"You'll just tease me about it."
"Please, Natsuki, I am not some amateur who needs to rely upon what amounts to a pity tease."
"I'd poof you with a throw pillow if I had one handy. You're completely shameless when it comes to getting a blush out of me."
"I would most strenuously object to Natsuki's insinuations if they weren't completely true."
Grinning, Natsuki said, "All right, since that's two I've somehow managed to get up on you, I suppose that I should tell you."
"Of course you should."
"Well, you know Easter eggs, right?"
"The custom they have in the West of coloring hard-boiled eggs for Easter, you mean?"
"Yeah, that's right. Well, I was just wondering: when they color the eggs, does it color the whole egg, or just the shell?"
"I…do not know. I've never celebrated Easter, after all."
"Me, either. I figure it's a chemistry problem: what do they use for dye versus the way it reacts with the shell, and how permeable the shell is for whatever's being used."
"I suppose that you could ask Alyssa, though her unique circumstances make me wonder if she experienced those kind of ordinary childhood traditions. Or perhaps Sister Yukariko would know?"
"Maybe. I don't know if Japanese Christians color eggs for Easter. I guess I could just order one of those kits from an overseas shop on the Internet if I really cared about the answer that much, though I can't see it being worth bothering since I just—"
She was interrupted by a chorus of confused hissing, followed almost at once by a bark of worry from Duran. Natsuki and Shizuru spun around and looked over the table to where Kiyohime had been lying on her pillow. The problem was apparent at once: her third head had a massive bulge in its neck about an inch down, and its crossed eyes and twitching, open mouth indicated that it was probably choking.
"What's going on? Is it some allergy attack?" Natsuki yelped.
"No, I think she tried to swallow an egg whole," Shizuru said. She held up the bowl, which was down to two eggs.
"Oh, man, now what? The Heimlich maneuver wasn't designed for a hydra."
Her comment, however, seemed to inspire Kiyohime to action. Her second head coiled itself around the third below the obstruction and squeezed. With a little pop like the launch of a champagne cork, the egg shot out of the third head's open mouth, leaving it gasping for breath.
"Nice work," Natsuki told the second head, giving it a scratch behind its crest. "But as for you," she said, pointing squarely at the third, her fingertip an inch from its nose, "what were you thinking? You're a hydra, not a snake. Even if you could eat something that big in one bite, you've only got one stomach for all six heads anyway."
"Another sad case of a CHILD imitating what she saw on television," Shizuru said, shaking her head.
"You're having a bad day teasing, so you're resorting to puns?"
"At least I didn't ask if one of the other heads egged it on?"
Duran whimpered and put his paws over his ears. Natsuki would later cite this as evidence that her only motivation in covering Shizuru's mouth with her own was to stifle the flow of puns before they got any worse.
She couldn't even get the dog to believe that story.