I decided to ignore for now a chapter full of puns (not always easy to translate) to continue the translation of the story. Also it's been a while sooo
French alert: I am, as you can see, French. I do my best to adapt to English punctuation and grammar rules in general, but some mistakes may have escaped me. Moreover, some expressions that I don't know in English have been translated by online translators. All this to say: do not hesitate to point out an error or a clumsy translation/adaptation to me.
The main idea is from AkiraRedTiger again :)
"Well hello there."
Loki rolled his eyes, holding back an exasperated sigh. It was as if Clint Barton never worked. Otherwise, how do you explain that he was in the Tower once again, armed with his faithful smoothie, roaming the corridors until he came across someone?
And often, too often, that someone was Loki. Who rarely left the Tower these days, but that wasn't the point — don't question the choices of a main character. Besides, he had important phone calls to make and he wasn't going to do that in the street. Or... In his lab...? Loki briefly rolled his eyes, insulting his intelligence, which had shamefully let him down on this one. He could have done that. He should have. What could be more professional than a phone call from his workplace?
Well, it was too late to question his decisions (unlike the reader, the main character was entitled to an introspection session on his choices) so he might as well get rid of the disturbing element as soon as possible.
"Yes?" he sighed, turning his head towards the SHIELD agent.
"No, nothing. I was just passing by."
Clint immediately took off again, enjoying his smoothie as if it were his last meal on Earth and leaving a suspicious Loki behind.
Two minutes later, Hawkeye reappeared. An unexpected surprise for Loki who had been waiting for him to return because the agent's plans were all too obvious.
Clint made himself comfortable and dropped onto the couch, right on top of the newspaper that Loki had set aside a few minutes earlier. The Jotun was stunned, his beautiful newspaper all folded up and ending up under the back of a mortal, there was something to be offended by. Let us specify that if Loki was fond of this newspaper it was not because he had recently discovered a passion for the news of New York and the exciting classifieds that one could read there but because an article was devoted to his company and spoke in glowing terms.
"You're a wizard, right? You do tricks."
Outraged. Offended. Shocked. Scandalized. Attacked. Humiliated. Insulted. Vexed. Loki could not find an equivalent in human language to express the affront he was suffering. On Asgard he would probably have said "****" but that term would be too unpleasant and impossible to translate into human language.
"I am not a simple magician like you find on Midgard," Loki rebelled. "I am a sorcerer!"
"Yes, that's relatively the same thing."
"It's not the same thing!"
"He's right," Sam said from the elevator. "The difference is in the hat!"
The two of them turned toward the hallway and saw the Falcon, in sportswear wearing fluorescent sneakers.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"I came to look for sports shoes, I challenged Bucky to a race," he explained while getting up to jump on the spot by moving the shoulders.
"But," began Clint, who wanted to point out that it was as vain as trying to beat Steve, "you know very well that..."
"I have more than one trick up my sleeve," interrupted the hero, pointing to his back with his thumb.
"I'm pretty sure that using Red Wing is like cheating, but hey. Good luck!"
"Thanks!"
And the particularly optimistic sportsman set off in a short stride to take the stairs. There's nothing like going down the ninety or so floors of the Tower to warm up.
"Who was that?"
"A colleague. You never met him before? But let's start again, Mr. Wizard."
"Sorcerer!"
"If you say so," Clint sighed, waving a bored hand. "It doesn't make much difference. Can you pull a rabbit out of a hat?"
The god took a moment to acknowledge the blow. He couldn't blame the midgardian. His life couldn't be easy every day. How could he get emotionally attached to a box of donuts and burst into tears if it fell on the floor and spilled its contents? How do you explain the fact that he is on the verge of depression over the absence of a pickle? That he consumes so many smoothies, because that was getting downright disturbing too?
"I... I don't understand," he muttered cautiously.
Faced with such a peculiar specimen, caution was called for.
"It's a classic magician's trick, the rabbit in the hat... You don't even know that? Well, come on, let's go for a ride."
"No way, I'm not going to... "
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Loki, taken of an unpleasant impression of déjà vu, tried in vain to kill Clint with murderous glances in the nape of the neck of this last one who was just in front of him. For the time being, it was an abject failure. Loki would have given his brother to get laser beam eyes. But then again, since Loki would have also traded his brother for a donut it wasn't a good example.
"You're going to see what magic is all about," the archer promised him as they entered a theater.
Caught in a sudden realization, Loki questioned his tormentor.
"Shouldn't you be working right now?"
"I'm going to get some popcorn," Clint replied.
Loki never knew if he had ignored him beautifully or simply not heard him.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
In the middle of the audience, under contained applause, Loki chuckled by seeing the magician's assistance disappear.
"This? Magic? You guys are adorable..."
Clint raised an eyebrow, a hand full of popcorn halfway between the wrapper and his mouth.
"I'm not sure how I should take it. Since you're not one to offer compliments... Was that a criticism of the human race?"
The Jotun gave him a mocking sidelong glance before sinking back into his seat. Under his decidedly unobservant gaze, the show continued without major incident, unfortunately. Suddenly, Clint straightened up with attention.
"This is going to be an interesting moment," he murmured, his eyes shining.
Echoing him, the "magician" addressed his audience.
"We could use a volunteer in the room."
Clint abruptly raised an arm.
"Ah we have a gentleman over there. Come, come, don't be shy."
Loki rolled his eyes, obviously the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent would jump at such an opportunity. He waited for his neighbor to leave his seat. When that didn't happen, he turned his head to see what the human was up to. Clint offered him a big smile and patted him cheerfully on the shoulder.
"Go ahead."
"What do you mean," said Loki, suddenly awake.
"Ah sir is a little shy," said the conjurer. "Can we have some applause to encourage him?"
Under pressure from the audience, for an outside view, Loki slowly stood up and walked, looking princely, to the stage. He was thinking hard as he walked up the aisle. He climbed onto the stage without making a fuss and joined the magician. The traitor. The shame of the profession. The powerless human.
"If you'll hold..."
Loki interrupted him with a gesture and grabbed the magician's hat to observe him.
"So you pulled a rabbit out of that hat."
"Yes, but that was before," the man whispered eagerly. "We need to perform the next trick now."
Loki reached into the hat and pulled out a small rabbit. The audience applauded warmly; it was the first time a member of the public had participated in an appearance trick. Clint repositioned himself to enjoy the show, his mouth full of popcorn. The god put the rabbit in the arms of the magician who looked at him with big eyes. He knew his equipment; there was no way this man would get a rabbit out of it.
"What's your trick?"
Loki ignored him, he wasn't done. He started again, pulling out a second, larger rabbit, which he placed on the ground this time. And a third and fourth rabbit joined it. The audience was now clapping hesitantly. This story was getting weird. Especially since the star of the show was turning white as the number of rabbits increased.
Loki decided to take it to the next level. He brought out a cat, two turtles, a family of squirrels and, after putting the hat on the floor, a Saint Bernard. The dog barked happily as it dipped its snout into the hat, from which Loki grabbed a toy.
"Let's get down to business," he announced.
This announcement was more for himself than for the midgardians as everyone tried to figure out how a dog of that size could have gotten out of the hat. Magic tricks like that did follow certain logic, didn't they? Not with a real wizard.
Loki retrieved the hat, tapped on it for a moment before taking it at arm's length.
"Abracadabra as you say."
And a white shark jumped out of the hat as if out of the water.
Loki was against animal suffering. Also the shark landed in a large aquarium, magically appeared on the stage, not directly on the boards.
"Tada!"
The god was proud of himself. Perhaps he had discovered a new passion?
The audience fled at full speed and Loki realized that few people had paid attention to his last appearance. The magician himself had deserted his stage.
Yet someone was clapping loudly.
"That was AWESOME!" shouted Clint, who had left his popcorn in his seat for a standing ovation. "Can you make an octopus appear? Octopuses are so cool!"
Loki dipped his hand into the hat and tossed a cephalopod into the shark tank.
"Good thing it's not a small shark against a giant octopus. They would have gotten along badly otherwise," Clint muttered as he watched the two aquatic creatures ignore each other.
The archer climbed up between the seats to climb on the stage and ran to catch one of the rabbits, the most adventurous of the lot who wanted to visit the backstage while the others seemed to take a nap.
"You couldn't conjure up a shipping crate by any chance?"
Loki huffed before snapping his fingers. Clint then launched into a rabbit hunt. Four enclosed leporids later, Clint delightedly patted the box gently.
"They'll be fine at my place. But we'll have to do something about the rest because now you're starting to look like Snow White."
Loki raised an eyebrow. Three squirrels were perched on his right shoulder, the cat was sitting on the left, the Saint Bernard was lying on his feet and the octopus was trying to climb the aquarium to join him.
The turtles on the other hand, seemed insensitive to his charm since they were busy attacking the top hat. Considering all that had already come out of it, it was quite possible that a salad was hidden there.
"How do we... How do we do it? I guess we can release the squirrels in Central Park but what about the others?"
Clint was mostly looking at the aquarium. In doubt, he quickly checked the internet to see if any nature reserves had put out a call for help in finding a new shark. Surprisingly finding nothing, he sent a text message to SHIELD.
An agent working in the communication room received a request for a truck to transport a giant aquarium. Along with a picture.
That's precisely why an agent is currently in the SHIELD infirmary, recovering from seeing a close-up of a white shark's mouth.
"Okay," Clint resumed, putting his phone away. "We can go, colleagues will take care of it."
With the feeling that Agent Barton was delegating all of his work, Loki walked off stage after a tearful goodbye with the family of squirrels that had scurried into the hat when a handful of nuts were thrown in. The cat camped on his shoulder and the dog followed Clint, snout pressed against the rabbit carrier, all puzzled.
As they exited the building, Loki turned to Clint who was finishing his pack of popcorn.
"Do you really never work?"
"Actually, I do. I'm working now."
"You do?"
"I assure you," the archer replied before tipping the package over his mouth so as not to waste a single kernel of popcorn.
And when crumbs of popcorn spilled onto his clothes and he let out a long, defeated sigh as he dusted off his shirt, Loki realized that humanity still had a long way to go before it was truly a part of the intelligent, evolved creatures.
"Actually," Clint naturally resumed, alternately wiping his hands on his jeans while juggling his crate, "I'm in recruitment."
"Interesting."
Agent Barton nodded as he stared at him.
"Wait for what?" realized Loki.
"Recruitment mission," explained the archer.
"And you stare at me? Why is that?"
"S.H.I.E.L.D. thought it wouldn't be so bad to have you on our side now that you're pretty well adapted to our world. And your servant has been sent to investigate."
"You mean you've been hanging around me for work and not because you do nothing all day but follow me around?"
"I feel like I should be offended... But I'm too cool for that. So I'll just answer you... That's right, buddy!"
"Put your hand down."
"High five! Come on!"
"Really, put your hand down."
"You're not funny, partner."
"You take that back right now."
"We'll discuss it again after you've attended the little meeting on the heliport! It's mandatory," Clint continued without waiting. "And if you don't attend, it's back to prison."
"It doesn't make sense, I've been out for over two years.
"Dura lex, sed lex."
And with these wise words, Hawkeye walked away with dignity, his rabbits in his arms and the dog on his heels. Loki watched him go and turned his head to the left to find himself face to face, literally, with the cat.
"What do you want from me?"
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
The residents of the Tower were gathered in the entrance hall, a place of passage where none of them ever lingered, except for a major event that took place there
"I'd like to know," Tony began, "who brought that dog into the tower."
"I would like to say, in my defense, that the fault lies chronologically with Loki," denounced Clint.
"What do you mean "chronologically"?"
"If you're looking for the origin of the problem, it's Loki, not me, I'm just a secondary element that followed the original problem."
"He's a very nice dog," Steve said.
"Thank you, animal lover, but you don't bring anything to the conversation. Of course he's nice, he's a Saint Bernard. That's not the point."
Steve ignored him as he petted the rescue dog.
"Can't we keep him?" asked Natasha, patting the animal's side in a friendly manner.
"This Tower is not an animal shelter or a zoo," Tony hammered. "I'm already very accommodating on a daily basis. We have a Loki."
"Woof," Morgan muttered as she played on the floor and looked at the dog.
The dog wagged his tail happily and came over to sit beside her, poking her with his muzzle. Tony made a contrite pout, sighed, rubbed his temples, sighed again, hit his forehead with the palm of his hand and put his hands on his hips.
"Well, it's decided, we're keeping the dog. But he'll stay here!"
"You mean here in the Tower?"
"Here in the lobby."
"Why?" asked Clint. "You want to make him a guard dog?
"With my surveillance systems it's perfectly useless. Don't try to change my mind! The dog stays in the lobby or doesn't stay at all."
"The lobby is not so bad," said Steve in a conciliatory tone.
"That's true," the group agreed.
"It's better than the street," said Bruce.
"That's true."
"It's a beautiful day," said Thor.
"That's true."
"What a beautiful sun."
The next day, when Steve went down for his daily morning run, he stopped in the lobby and attached a leash to the Saint Bernard's collar. Attached to it was a small metal Stark Industry tag engraved with the animal's first name. Fury.
For the record, it was Tony who chose the name. The author, as well as the rest of the Avengers and other characters involved in this story, denies any association with the aforementioned and leaves him to make his own decision.
The super soldier then left, walking through the streets and reached a park. Letting go of his ballast, he started to run, at a human pace for once, while Fury trotted by his side. However, when he saw Sam, who was also doing his daily sport, as usual (in the same park, it was their favorite place near the Tower), he put the leash in his hands and resumed his cruising rhythm.
"Did you saw this show-off," Sam sneered while squatting in front of the animal to greet him. "Frankly, we'll be much better off together. Let's go Fury!"
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"I have to leave you Nick," Tony pointed out, looking over his shoulder. "Fury just got back and he's not allowed to be on the floors. It was J.A.R.V.I.S. again who let him up, he'll hear me."
"Excuse me?"
The S.H.I.E.L.D. director saw his canine counterpart coming up on the monitors in his office.
"I hope you're kidding Stark..."
"Ah I'm going through a tunnel! We'll be in touch!"
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
The cat stretched with a yawn and jumped out of his basket, landing on the plans of a failed prototype of flying shoes. He jumped into the air and ran into the lab, unable to stand the feel of the blue paper under his paws. Ignoring the sound of unidentified objects being knocked over like a person living with a cat without owning anything fragile, Loki began the main point of the day's meeting.
"Let me introduce you to our salesman."
Enthusiastic "whoo-hoo" came from the speakers of Loki's computer.
"I'm a lawyer," Matt clarified without anyone listening.
"He contacted me a few weeks ago and after a thorough search, and because no one else came forward in the meantime, we welcomed him to the firm," Loki explained lamely.
He didn't seem particularly enthusiastic, unlike his employees. Amora was particularly interested.
"So you're investigating. Can you tell us what Dormammu's socks are made of?"
"Again, I'm a lawyer, not a detective. They're two different jobs."
"Everyone does multiple things here. I'm the Enchantress and yet I'm also a web designer. Dormammu is a lord from another dimension and he works in the service department. And I'm not even talking about our boss who sells shoes even though he's a god."
"... I don't understand how all this could happen."
"It's a great mystery to all of us," Dormammu told him in a thoughtful voice. "The forces of fate are sometimes mysterious."
"Unemployment!" said Amora cheerfully. At least as far as I'm concerned. Do you have any other reason to look for a job?"
Matt thought for a moment.
"To maintain my cover."
"That's a perfectly valid reason," agreed the enchantress. "It's cooler than unemployment. But back to your job."
"Lawyer."
"Detective! Maybe you can figure out how Dormammu gets access to the internet?"
"I... I'm a lawyer."
"That's great," Loki cut as he shared the latest sales statistics in the video meeting. "Now Mr. Salesman, what do you propose?"
Matt froze in front of his camera for a moment. It was impossible to get this strange group to listen to reason.
"You know I can't see what's on the screen?"
"Mm not wrong," acknowledged Loki without relinquishing his request. "Your ideas?"
"I guess I could put some sales catalogs in my cabinet...?"
"Sold," smiled Loki to whom the proposal was more than enough. "Don't hesitate to prepare other ideas for next week. End of meeting!"
And he immediately left.
"Yes!" exclaimed Dormammu, who also left the meeting to play an online belote game.
"We'll have to talk about these investigations again," assured Amora before leaving in turn.
Alone in the conversation, Matt sighed for a moment. Being a superhero was so simple compared to this new job. But what else could you do but agree when the Sorcerer Supreme himself came to your house and asked you to keep an eye on an Asgardian freak on Earth? Not much.
Matt Murdoch, start-up salesman, double agent for Doctor Strange, lawyer and vigilante; it was starting to look like a lot on his business card.