A/N: Here is the next chapter, any errors you find I apologize. As a heads up, Blitzo and Stolas have been gendered swapped.
A few days after Charlie's interview:
The morning started as normal. With David waking up to the sound of two bickering sinners loud enough to be heard from his room. He rose from his bed with a groan at being woken up in such a manner. When he entered into his bathroom David removed his mask. Once he removed his mask his skin returned to it's normal lively color.
As he looked upon his face David could have sworn he had been in Hell far longer then five years. With a sigh he got ready for the day.
A few minutes later after a relaxing hot shower David left his room and made his way to the lobby. As he walked to the lobby he could still hear Vaggie and Angel arguing. David sighed and before he could say anything at all. A knife flew into his left shoulder.
For a moment time froze. The light of David's mask vanished indicating his eyes were closed. He took a deep breath and remained silent.
Angel: Dav-
Angel was stopped from what he was about to say when David put his hand up for silence. David then proceeded to take the knife out of his shoulder. He then stabbed the knife into the wall next to him and broke the handle off.
David: Now would have been the point where I beat seven shades of shit out of someone, but I got work today.
Charlie: What do you mean?
David: As fun as it is to be your family's bodyguard, I thought about getting a second job.
Vaggie: And what job would that be?
David: It's called none of your business. I'll be back later so try not to kill eachother.
And with that he left the hotel.
Imp city:
Entering the city David was greeted to the sight of the city's residents going about their day. As he walked to his second job he couldn't help but find some form of amusement in his five year long predicament. Here he was helping demons he would've killed without hesitation before his arrival. Now he is in the employment of two of Hell's residents.
As he was nearing his destination he was confronted by an imp with a knife.
Imp: Everything in your pockets now.
Beneath his mask David just looked at the imp with a bored expression. Before he could say anything a group of seven imps appeared behind the first. It was at that moment David was immediately done with the nonsense before him. Once he activated his armor the imps expressions turned from malicious intent to one of fear. The first imp who tried to rob him was grabbed by the throat and lifted into the air. Without warning David proceeded to rip the imp's skin from his entire body earning an agonizing scream from the imp. He then tossed the torn flesh in front of the group.
David: Anyone else?
They dispersed quickly after hearing the threat. David sighed and dropped the some how still living imp and continued to make his way to his second job.
A few minutes later:
He finally reached his destination and entered the building. Once inside he entered the elevator and had to endure the music within said elevator. When the elevator finally stopped he made his way to a door marked I.M.P. Inside he was greeted to the sight of one of his fellow coworkers on her hellphone.
David: Morning pooky.
This earned him a growl from the hellhound.
Loona: Quit calling me that!
David: Whatever you say. So where's the loving couple?
Loona: Running a bit late.
David: Surprising, usually they arrive before I do.
Loona just returned to her hellphone. David walked over to Loona who was watching something on her hellphone. What he saw made him very uncomfortable. Loona was watching Charlie's interview. She was currently watching Charlie sing and it made David facepalm.
David: *muffled* Why are you watching that?
Loona: Why not?
David could only sigh knowing how it ended. But before either of them got to see the inevitable outburst, the door to Blitza's office opened. Stepping out of the office was non-other then David's second employer.
Blitza: There he is, the angel killer himself.
David: Blitz. So what's this meeting about?
Blitza: I'll explain when M and M get here. Just know it's quite important.
David: Very well.
Time skip:
After a while the happy pair arrived and the meeting eventually went under way.
Blitza: Alright, now I know business has been slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here. *looks at Moxxie* Moxxie.
Moxxie*Gives a wtf look*
Blitza: Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?
Millie: What about a car wash?
Blitza: This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being cleaned here, okay.
David: We could try upping our clientele.
Blitza: Not a bad idea David. Ooh, what about a billboard?
Moxxie: We can't afford a billboard ma'am.
Blitza: Helpful Moxxie. Really glad your in the room right now. Have you forgotten what service we provide.
Blitza turns on a nearby t.v that shows each one killing some random person from earth. First was Blitza who cracked someone's skull open with a hammer. Next was Moxxie who was shown shooting another person who was tied down. Then a scene of Loona mauling someone was shown. Then came David who was seen ripping someone in two. Lastly was Millie who was seen decapitating someone with a spear.
As they watched their past assassinations Blitza held a bowl of popcorn which was passed around.
Blitza: Ahh, those were the good times.
Moxxie: I don't need reminding, ma'am. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious t.v ad last week. One that you additionally paid to run for a full three hours on a channel no one watches.
David: You can't be serious.
Blitza: Uh, hey, excuse me. What's "obnoxious" about a super fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement is spittin' bullshit!
Millie: People love musicals, ma'am.
David: One person comes to mind who would definitely agree.
Blitza: Exactly. And we're basically doin' a musical. Are you gonna crush my musical theater dreams like my dad did?
Moxxie: Sir-
Blitza: Cause right now, all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my who I truly am inside.
Millie: Are you trying to crush her dreams, Moxxie?
Moxxie: I-What?
Millie: I thought I knew you.
Blitza: I can't believe you, Moxxie. After I made you employee of the month! *Blitza said as he showed a picture of a surprised Moxxie*
Moxxie: Okay, ma'am! I'm sorry. But a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theater. Nobody likes the jingle.
Millie: I liked it.
Moxxie: Do not- Do not agree with her in front me.
David: It can't really be that bad Mox. Besides I have yet to actually see it.
Blitza then changes the channel on the t.v. Conveniently the very ad they were speaking of was running.
Blitza: Hi there! I'm Blitza! the A is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P! Are you a piece of shit that got yourself set to Hell or are you an innocent soul who got fucked over by someone else?!
The scene cuts to a red demon wearing an sports jersey with Ohio on it. Beside said demon was Moxxie holding up a sign that said "Some guy who hired us"
Demon: After lovingly killing my wife for *demonic voice* fucking a delivery man, *normal voice* you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the state of Ohio killed me. I really wish I could stick it to that *demonic voice* yappy jogger *normal voice* who saw me hiding the body.
The scene returns back to Blitza who was now in a room with Moxxie and Millie as they were preparing a portal.
Blitza: Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out who screwed you over when you were alive!
https/watch?v=fLVQ2LVN1tA
The music cuts just as Moxxie shot a passing kid by accident.
The scene cuts to a hospital where we see the boy Moxxie shot get wheeled into an emergency room.
Pink haired nurse: Doctor, he's not responding!
Blue haired nurse: Cool water, stat!
The pink haired nurse takes out a bucket of water and proceeds to hit the kid with the bucket.
Blue haired nurse: That didn't do anything!
Doctor: Damn it! I'm not losing another one!
The doctor and nurses then pulled out defibrillators.
Doctor: Clear!
They then shocked the kid who gasps for air.
Doctor: Holy shit, it actually worked.
Outside the emergency room Blitzo was reading a magazine while Millie was comforting a devastated Moxxie. The doctor soon comes out of the emergency room with a clipboard.
Doctor: He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery. Now what insurance provider do you freaks have?
Blitza: The fucks is insurance?
The trio are then seen getting tossed out the window with the unconscious kid who was still on the hospital bed. But as they fell Blitza is seen getting snagged on a rope which then proceeds to snap.
Singer: Kids die for freeee!
Once the ad was over David was in a state of bewilderment at what he just witnessed.
Blitza: So what you think, good right?
David: It explains why there's a fucking kid in the room.
Moxxie: I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to the right info on the target. It's very simple.
Loona: Oh sit on dick Moxxie.
Moxxie: You sit! Sit on...a- and the d- Do your job!
David just shook his head while Blitza walked over to Loona.
Blitza: Hey, now we don't blame our screwups on Loona, okey? She didn't do anything wrong!
As Blitza said this she was hugging and nuzzling Loona who did not like the affection.
Moxxie: Are you kidding ma'am, she's awful!
Flashback:
Loona was sitting at her desk reading a magazine. Soon enough the phone began to ring which she answered.
Loona: Hello, I.M.P.
Millie: Loona I been stabbed! Call Mox-
Loona then hung up the phone.
The next scene shows her in Blitza's office as Blitza offers her a present.
Blitza: Happy adoption anniversary Loony! I got you a little somethin.
Loona: Is it a cure for syphilis?
Blitza: I...oh...
Loona then snatches the present from Blitza.
Loona: Then I don't want it!
When she smashed the present an entire colony of spiders swarmed on Loona. She then looked to where Blitza was only to see her outside the window.
Blitza: Sorry, it was spiders.
Loona: God dammit.
The next scene shows Loona at her desk watching Charlie's interview. As she was watching the princess of hell Moxxie walks up to her desk with a paper in hand.
Moxxie: Um, excuse me, did you fax me an ad for weight loss?
Loona: No.
Moxxie: Wha... why would anyone send me this?
Loona: Come on, you know why.
The next flash back shows Loona rummaging through the break room fridge.
Loona: Whoever left the fucking avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now.
She said as she took a red box from the fridge and began to drink the contents.
Millie: Why would you drink on a work night?
Loona stops drinking the salad to respond.
Loona: I'm hungover from this morning, dumbass!
Soon enough Moxxie enters the room.
Moxxie: Isn't that my lunch?
Loona then gets agitated and slams the box on the ground.
Loona: You know what? I can't take this assault right now! I need to blow off some fucking steam!
She proceeded to kick the box a Moxxie who gets launched out of the doorway. Loona then storms out of the building in a rage. Once outside she proceeds to run up to a random imp mother who was pushing a stroller. Loona then kicked the stroller with the infant imp inside sending it flying. As Loona stormed off leaving a surprised imp mother. David landed near the imp with the infant in hand and gave it back to her.
The next flashback shows David going through the break room fridge looking for his lunch. He closed the fridge door as he could not find it. He then looked towards Loona who was on her phone.
David: Oh we're going to have a problem.
A few minutes later Blitza was coming out of her office only for something to come flying at her. Thankfully she closed the door in time thus avoiding getting hit. We then see both Loona and David both scuffed up and were in the middle of screwing eachother as the end result of them fighting.
The next flashback shows Loona at her desk answering a call.
Loona: Blitza, that clingy rich asshole is on the phone. Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you. Sounds a little DTFy.
Blitza was standing at the water cooler with David and Moxxie. She got annoyed and threw her cup on the ground.
Blitza: Oh god it was one time! If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world.
Moxxie just looked at Blitza stunned by what she said.
Moxxie: You what?
Blitza's flashback begins with her carrying a book while Stola was sleeping.
Blitza: *whispers* Got the book, got the book! Got this fucking heavy book!
Once she reached Stola's balcony she tries to get on the ledge only for the weight of the grimoire to cause her to fall off the ledge.
Blitza: Oh...Oh shit!
As she was falling Stola's wife was having a get together with some friends. Sadly it got ruined once Blitza landed on a cake sending pieces everywhere and covering Stella and her friends with said pieces.
Blitza: Sorry I fucked your wife.
A few minutes later Blitza hid behind some bushes as she was being chased. Once Stella and the others past the bush Blitza walked out of her hiding spot. However as she was about to leave she bumped into someone and fell on her back. Blitza shook her head a bit and looked to who she bumped into.
David: And what do we have here?
Back to the previous flashback.
Loona: Blitza!
Blitza: I heard you alrea-!
Blitza was now in her office talking to Stola.
Blitza: So, what can I do for you this time Stola?
Stola: There's a political candidate causing trouble up on earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists.
Blitza: Doesn't it?
Stola: Well, yes, but more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here.
Blitza: Okey, well, yeah that makes sense.
Stola: You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitza?
Blitza moves her phone from her ear in annoyance.
Blitza: Oh, God fucking dammit.
Stola: When I'm lonely, I become hungry...and when I become hungry, I want to lick that sloppy * of yours! * your * and lick all of your * before taking a strap-on to your * and * with more dildos until you're screaming * like a fucking baby!
Blitza then ended the call with a shocked face. She then proceeded to break the phone in two. Blitza then pulled out a blender and used it to smash the two halves of the phone. She then scooped up the pieces of the phone and threw them in the blender and then turned on the blender. Blitza then turned to Loona who was standing nearby on her phone. She then hands her the liquefied phone.
Blitza: Eat this!
Loona not caring about the liquefied phone proceeds to drink it.
Blitza: And then you know that bridge over the freeway?
Loona: Yeah?
Blitza: Shit off it!
End of the flashbacks:
Blitza: Look, the point is Loona's a valued member of our family, and you don't get rid of family.
This earned a heartwarming smile from the hellhound.
Moxxie: We aren't a family, ma'am! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!
As Moxxie said this Loona flipped him off while not taking her eyes off her phone.
Blitza: That is offensive! Without homeless people, I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life.
Blitza put her face against the window causing it to crack. We then see a homeless imp with a sign that read "Monee helps. Satan bless." Near the homeless imp was a female imp on her phone who looks at the homeless imp for a moment with a look of disgust and moves away from him. We go back to Blitza who just waves at the homeless imp.
Moxxie: While we're on the subject of "family", can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?
Millie: Come on sweety, it isn't that big a deal.
Moxxie: Excuse me, What?!
Flashback:
Moxxie and Millie were at their home preparing dinner.
Moxxie: Honey, can you get me the butter?
Millie: Sure sweetie.
Millie opens the fridge only for Blitza to hand her the butter.
Blitza: Spoiler alert: butter's spoiled.
This earned a giggle from Millie.
Moxxie: What's so funny, hunny?
Blitza: Really impressive word play.
Moxxie: What the?! Why are you in our fridge?!
The next scene shows Moxxie and Millie sleeping peacefully. That ended when Moxxie woke up to see Blitza standing over him.
Blitza: *whisper* What you dreamin' about?
Moxxie: I was dreaming of my parents being murdered. But now, I'd like to go back to that.
The next scene shows Moxxie and Millie sitting with eachother. Moxxie had guitar with him and he was playing a song for Millie.
https//watch?v=Dz8cpq2PjlQ
The loving couple were about kiss till Moxxie notices Blitza outside their window.
Moxxie: Are you fucking filming us right now?!
Blitza didn't respond but smiled and continued to film them on a camcorder.
End of flashback:
Moxxie: Just. Stop. Doing. That!
Blitza: I don't see what the issue is! Is their something you don't want me seeing?
Moxxie: No!
Blitza: You a baby-weiner-haver?
Moxxie: Ma'am, what you say and how you act is totally inappropriate!
Millie rested a hand on Moxxie's should.
Millie: Calm down Mox. You're gonna have another panic attack.
Moxxie: I am calm!
Millie then then tries to calm Moxxie down.
Blitza: Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside work hours, so don't judge me!
Moxxie: Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot actually!
Millie: Mox, he's our boss!
Blitza: No no no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive... Retarded.
As this went on David couldn't help but sigh and shake his head in annoyance.
Moxxie: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life?
Blitza: It actually does.
Loona looked up from her phone.
Loona: The only reason you have a wife is because you're easy to manage!
Millie: No he's not, you bitch!
Millie proceeded to flipoff Loona who growled in anger.
Blitza: Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's very sensitive!
Loona: Yes, I am!
David had enough and was about to say something when they all heard a new voice.
Eddie: You guys are all fucking assholes.
At hearing this everyone turned to Eddie who was now looking at them annoyed.
Blitza: Oh shut up kid, your lucky to witness this.
David: No, he's not.
David's mask's visor was glowing bright red indicating his anger.
This caused the others to be a bit nervous.
David: Not only did you let a witness live, but you brought them here!
Moxxie was about to say something when David looked his way causing him to stay silent.
Blitza: Look, we didn't know he was still awake.
David: That still doesn't explain why you brought him here.
David just sighed and tried to calm himself.
David: The way I see it Blitza, you kill that kid and there won't be a shit storm.
Moxxie: But it's just some kid. We couldn't just leave him.
David: That's exactly what you should have done, Moxxie. Your assassins, it shouldn't matter who the target is. I'm not even going to mention the fact you went into the living world without disguises.
Blitza: Oh come on, you go to the living world without a disguise.
David: That's because I never get seen.
Then came the inevitable straw that broke the camel's back.
Eddie: Someone has a stick up their ass.
David then activated his armor and walked over to the kid. What happened next was a mix of screaming, the snapping of bone and wet noises. Once he was done David opened up one of the windows and looked around outside. What he was looking for wasn't far. With a sharp whistle he got the attention of a group of feral imps. When David held his arm out he was shown holding Eddie who had been turned into an inside out flesh ball. He then proceeded to toss the remains towards the feral imps who excitedly went to where it would land.
David then went back inside the office. He was met by horrified looks from his coworkers.
David: *sighs* Now that that is over with, is there anything else that needs to be discussed?
Blitza: Uh, no.
David: Then I'll be going home then.
He then deactivated his armor and made his way to the door.
David: If anyone needs me, you got my number.
David made his way out of the building. He was about to make his way back to the hotel but was stopped.
???: Wait.
He looked to whoever said that. Coming out of the building to his surprise was a certain hellhound.
David: Loona?
Loona: We need to talk.
Time skip:
The two had walked to a park where they could talk with one another without any interruptions. They found an empty bench which they sat on.
Loona: So, mind telling me why you-
David: Turned the kid into a human beach ball, Sevrel reasons. One, Blitza's incompetence of the situation. Two, all four of you arguing was giving me a headache. And lastly my morning was shit.
Loona: So just a bad day then?
David: If I'm being honest. I've had worse.
Loona: You mean like ending up here.
David: That, but no.
For a moment the two were quiet. David looked to the sky above them and let out a sigh.
Loona: You know I could help you get back to the living world.
David looked over to Loona who had her head turned.
David: Why?
Loona: We both know you don't belong here.
He just chuckles.
David: If you offered five years ago, I would have probably said yes.
Loona: Probably?
David: *sighs* My situation is complicated Loona. Even if I wanted to leave, I couldn't.
It was then she remembered he also worked for Lucifer. It actually some what surprised David to see Loona actually care when she usually acts like an angsty teen.
David: In any case what brought this up? I thought you wanted to talk about what happened today?
Loona: Well, it kind of does involve with what happened today.
He then placed a hand on her shoulder.
David: Look, I said it was a bad day. Besides, someone would have killed the kid anyways.
That didn't help much as Loona still didn't look at him. With a sigh he tried to think of something to ease the mood. Then an idea popped in his head. Without warning, David begins scratching Loona behind the ear. This gets a reaction he did kind of expect. Loona began panting happily and her leg started twitch. David couldn't help but chuckle at what he was witnessing.
Once he moved his hand away Loona stopped panting and her leg stopped twitching. She looked at David with a stern look. But he could see a slight hint of a smile.
Loona: Your an asshole.
David: Thank you. Now why don't I walk you back, I'm pretty sure Blitza's worrying about you.
Loona groaned at the mention of Blitza. The two stood up and began to leave the park.