Duran-kun and Kiyo-chan's Omake Theater

(featuring the Kuga-Fujino family pets)

Natsuki groaned as she dropped onto the couch, her aching body sinking with relief into the cushions. Of the nine pairs of eyes in the room, only one set turned to acknowledge her presence.

"Are you all right?" her girlfriend asked. More than from her expression, Natsuki could tell that Shizuru Fujino was genuinely concerned from her choice of words, which included not a single "ara," nor referred to Natsuki in the third person.

She found the emotion touching, bringing a warm feeling to her belly.

"Yeah, mostly," she said. "It was just a rough day shopping. I never thought I'd say this, but I actually missed Nao."

"Mai and Mikoto did not help?"

Natsuki shook her head.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, they tried. But Mai is really too nice. That's fine when you're fighting an enemy that can be redeemed, but when you're going up against a gaggle of Tsukimori City housewives at the all-day Christmas sales, you don't want to be the one who's going to be the first one out in a battle royale." Which was weird, when she stopped to think about it, given that Mai had been the actual winner of a real magical battle royale during the HiME Festival."

"I can't imagine the same applies to Mikoto."

"True, she's always had a...creative approach to morality," Natsuki agreed, remembering a time when she and the feral girl had been literally attempting to kill one another and a ferry had been chopped in half. Not for the first time, she reflected that she and her friends had some really out-there past history. "The problem is trying to keep her focused. Christmas bargain sales don't just take toughness, they take brains. Strategy. Why can't I bring you?"

Shizuru chuckled.

"You mean, besides the fact that if I help you to buy my Christmas presents I will be very likely to deduce what they are and ruin the surprise?"

"You're supposed to be the sneaky one. I'm sure that you could figure something out."

Kiyohime's fourth head, always the daredevil of the set, turned around and hissed at the girls, who were apparently talking too loudly and drowning out the television.

"Kannin na," Shizuru said before Natsuki had a chance to let her assorted aches and exhaustion drive her to undue snark. "They've been looking forward to this movie all week," she added in a much lower voice than she'd been using.

"Oh? Which one?" Natsuki hadn't been watching, but now took a long look at the screen, where the battle was on to establish the reality of Santa Claus in the New York court system. "Miracle on 34th Street?" she said with a scowl. "And the dubbed version besides?"

"Natsuki is asking a lot from her dog to expect him to read the subtitles."

"Still not good in any language," she huffed, ignoring Shizuru's perfectly reasonable point.

"Natsuki does not like this movie?" The sentiment was apparently surprising enough that Kiyohime's first head turned around and gave a curious hiss.

"You're asking someone who has bruises in places she didn't know she even had places, bruises she acquired in the course of Christmas shopping, to be happy about a movie that touts the importance of believing in a magic guy who makes the presents pop out of thin air?"

Shizuru blinked.

"It's only a heartwarming movie, Natsuki."

"It's false advertising! I have a rug burn on my left leg from skidding across the housewares department which is worse than the one I got the time I wiped out in the rain on my motorcycle and slid forty meters across the asphalt! Frankly, the whole Santa Claus myth is just a bad idea. Kids ought to know when they unwrap their presents that their parents shed blood, sweat, and tears out of love to get them that perfect gift. I tell you, Shizuru, if we ever have kids, I'm telling the rug rats the hard truth about why Mommy is in traction. They're going to know there's no such thing as Santa Claus.

It will be noted that for the most part, Shizuru Fujino was a positive expert when it came to social matters. The well-turned phrase, the subtly witty remark, the parry-and-thrust of small talk that conveyed volumes through subtext, these were all weapons in the former council president's arsenal. Normally, she could have been counted on to head Natsuki off before her girlfriend shoved her foot in her mouth up to the knee, as she'd just done a moment ago.

Ordinarily.

However, a situation in which Natsuki had casually tossed off the idea of future children, and moreover had used the word "we," implying it was part of a long-term relationship she'd have with Shizuru, and had done so without a second thought but with the absolute assurance to have it as part of the background to her real point...

Well, that wasn't anything ordinary. The tidal wave of emotion that swept over Shizuru at that offhand remark would have served as a more than adequate Christmas gift all by itself. For a girl who had a lot of trouble expressing herself through romantic gestures, Natsuki had managed to knock it completely out of the park without even knowing it.

Which meant that Shizuru was in no condition to realize what Natsuki was actually driving towards until it was far too late to keep the words from leaving her mouth.

No such thing as Santa Claus.

All six of Kiyohime's heads swiveled around to stare at her, utterly appalled looks plain in their eyes, which was an impressive trick in something so reptilian.

"What?" Natsuki complained, feeling very put out by the clearly unjust looks of accusation. "You know there's no Santa. You helped me shop for Shizuru's present last year!"

This was indeed true. In fact, Kiyohime had narrowly escaped being jailed as an accessory in the brawl alongside Nao.

It was the hydra's third head who helpfully provided the explanation, pointing off to her side...

...Where Duran was now looking at Natsuki with an absolutely stricken mien. And while Kiyohime's serpent-like faces were surprising in the quality of their expressiveness, it was no surprise at all that the dog should be able to achieve truly critical levels of puppy-dog eyes.

"Ahhh! No, no, boy, I didn't mean it!" Natsuki babbled, lying shamelessly with everything she had. "Santa is totally real! Remember, he brought you that new dish and all those snacks last year? Santa just doesn't bring gifts to adults because that lets them buy gifts for each other. It wouldn't be right for strange men to give presents on a lover's holiday, right?"

Several of Kiyohime's heads tipped sideways in confusion, then looked to Shizuru for help.

"I believe Natsuki is conflating Japanese Christmas customs with Western ones in her panic."

"And why else would we get fried chicken every year if not to feed the mutant, glowing-nosed, flying carnivorous reindeer?"

Even Duran realized at that point that his own worries were nothing compared to his concern for his mistress's total loss of sanity. He stretched his head out and reminded her that she was loved by giving her a big lick the length of her face.

"She always yells at me when I do that," Shizuru lamented the unfairness of dog privilege. Even so, the sputtering and gasping was probably better than the hysterical babble, and at the end Natsuki let out her breath with a loud woosh.

"Thanks, boy. I needed that."

"Woof!" His tail thumped vigorously on the carpet.

"And that," Shizuru said, "is why dogs are always on Santa's 'nice' list."

Kiyohime hissed, five heads bobbing in agreement.

Natsuki told her aching muscles to stop whining, because they'd gotten her in enough trouble and they were just going to have to suck in up and like it when she went back to Animal Hut for extra pet gifts.

~X X X~

A/N: Happy Black Friday, everyone, and remember: in the relentless busyness of preparing for the holiday season, don't allow all the work of preparation to steal the fun and spirit of the actual holidays. After all, your dog may not be as forgiving as Natsuki's! Also, Natsuki has bad taste in movies, so why follow her example?

(Also, for those counting eyes in the first paragraph, remember that Kiyohime's body has a pair, too!)