Duran-kun and Kiyo-chan's Omake Theater

(featuring the Kuga-Fujino family pets)

A/N: Merry Christmas to my very own Natsuki, Tarma Hartley, who suggested part of the plot!

The ferocious growls of the steel wolf signaled that a potentially violent intruder was lurking outside the small suburban home. Duran had already given several warning barks when his sensitive hearing had detected the invader's feet on the neatly-shoveled walk, but now that his duty to alert the household had been accomplished, he had switched into defense mode. The chambering mechanisms of the two rifles running along his flanks clunked as he considered which type of ammunition would be best suited for dealing with this foe.

Natsuki Kuga peeked out of the front window to see what was going on outside, sighed, and went to the door to answer the bell.

"Must we do this every time the mailman brings a package?" she asked rhetorically.

Showing no slackening of vigilance—just because the nefarious representative of the Japanese postal service had never struck in the nearly three years they'd lived there didn't mean that he wasn't just playing the long game—Duran nonetheless stepped back to allow his mistress to open the door. He then inched to one side so that she wouldn't be in his line of fire. A responsible dog was always prepared.

"Sorry about that, Mr. Ozeki," Natsuki said.

"No, no," the elderly postman waved it off, his breath making little puffs in the winter air. "When you take the postal service exam, they tell you right away that you should give up the hope of making friends with any dog you don't own."

Duran's ears twitched at the very thought of a dog so lost to basic decency as to be owned by a mailman. The horror!

"So what do you have for us?"

"There's one package today, for Miss Fujino."

"Can I accept it, or do you need her?"

"Any resident will do."

"Okay." Natsuki took her seal from the box by the door and stamped the delivery form, then took the box. "Merry Christmas to you."

"And to you, Miss Kuga."

Natsuki closed the door and headed back to the living room. Duran stayed by the door, listening carefully to make sure Ozeki actually did head back to the sidewalk and wasn't just luring them into a false sense of security. He'd already determined that the box smelled of nothing but cardboard, rubber, and cloth, without any hint of explosives or incendiaries (or snacks), so decided it was safe to allow into the house...this time.

"Hey, Shizuru, your order from Animal Hut is here," Natsuki called to her girlfriend, who was seated on the couch reading. At the words "Animal Hut," Kiyohime uncurled from her purple sheep, all six of her heads looking up inquisitively. "Oh, damn, I didn't screw up a surprise, did I? I figured that if it was a Christmas present for the pets you'd have told me."

"You didn't give anything away, Natsuki," Shizuru said. "In fact, I don't recall placing an order from Animal Hut recently."

Duran growled from the foyer. Was the package some kind of test run for a villainous scheme? Kiyohime's second head hissed at him as she slithered over to Natsuki.

"It's yours?" she asked, and received several hisses and head-nods in response.

"I see that we need to have a talk about computer privileges," Shizuru said.

The first head had the decency to look abashed.

"Well, let's see what you got," Natsuki said, putting the box on the floor. "Then we'll see what you need to do to make it up to Shizuru for the credit-card charges."

Six heads made short work of the packing tape, then nosed open the box, dipping inside to take out, one after another, seven smaller packages.

"...Squeaky toys?" Natsuki said.

"And no two of them alike," Shizuru added. "There is a ball, a mouse, a duck, a bell, a crocodile..."

"Why seven? I thought the mouth in your main body was just for digging?"

Kiyohime's third head pushed the largest toy over towards Duran.

"Woof?"

She nodded at him, and he put a paw on the box to hold it in place before ripping the package in two with his teeth.

"Spit it out, boy," Natsuki said, and he obediently dropped the shreds of cardboard. Not that it would hurt him since his digestive system was literally cast-iron (well, no, it was figuratively cast-iron; it was literally titanium-alloyed steel of extradimensional origins), but it was better to encourage good behavior. He then pawed apart the remains to expose a canvas doll dressed as a postman. It let out a satisfying squeak when he bit down.

"Okay, I've got to admit, that's a good gift," Natsuki said, laughing. "But what are the other six for? You're not usually one for chew toys, Kiyohime."

"Ara, it's quite a mystery," Shizuru agreed. She was more curious than upset now, though, as she was leaning forward with her chin cupped in her hands, watching the proceedings with interest.

Duran interrupted his chewing long enough to remember his manners and thank Kiyohime for the present by giving her third head a big lick of thanks, which left it momentarily sputtering. Such was the risk of earning a dog's gratitude.

The obligations of politeness (and genuine emotion) addressed, Duran laid down and set about roleplaying his fantasies of delivering righteous chastisement to the maleficent postman that the humans strictly forbade him from carrying out in real life. Meanwhile, Kiyohime set about opening the boxes or removing the cellophane bags as appropriate from the other toys. One by one she picked them up, giving an experimental squeak or two while the heads not squeaking things looked on carefully. Once each of the toys had been removed and the wrappings put back into the shipping carton for later disposal, the heads began to pass the toys around, moving them back and forth, getting them into some kind of order according to an unknown principle that appeared much more involved than "which head liked which toy."

Natsuki glanced at Shizuru.

"Do you have any idea what this is about?"

"None at all," she answered with a shake of her head.

Figuring there was nothing to do but wait and see, Natsuki dropped onto the couch to watch. Though there was plenty of room for her to sprawl out, she reflexively and unconsciously pushed her hip up against her girlfriend's. Since she was looking at Kiyohime, she missed Shizuru's smile at the way Natsuki had come to actually seek out physical contact with her as a default action.

Probably that was for the best. Being aware of other people's smugness was hard on the Christmas spirit.

Finally, it seemed that Kiyohime had come to the end of her preparations. She turned to Duran and gave him a six-head hiss, prompting him to stop his noisemaking, then bent her necks and picked up a toy in each mouth.

Squeak-squeak-squeak
Squeak-squeak-squeak
Squeak-squeak squeak squeak-squeak

Natsuki cracked up laughing as she immediately recognized the tune to "Jingle Bells," made all the more obvious because each toy squeaked in a different pitch.

"Ookini, Kiyohime," Shizuru said, smiling. "I now see why you didn't ask permission first, and I do have to agree that a Christmas concert makes for a very nice present!"

~X X X~

A/N: Long-time readers will recall Kiyo-chan's musical talents and fondness for caroling from Chapter 9!