Chapter 9: Heart To… Wall

"Ok, you said that you could play the guitar, and you really can. But you didn't say you could sing too."

"What can I say? Somehow I was drawn to sing with you."

"Mmhmm, and the children really enjoyed it. Thanks for performing with me."

"Yeah, don't mention it… Seriously. Don't… Ever… To anyone."

Star laughed a bit before taking a small bite out of her sandwich. After they had performed the two songs at the children's church, the youth pastor took the children back to class and Shadow, for some strange reason, had offered to treat Star to lunch in the park. They were now currently sitting on one of the park benches, each enjoying their own sandwich from Subway. "You know… I've never had anyone do that for me before. Perform with me, that is."

"What?" Shadow frowned at Star in disbelief. "Based on your past relationships not a single one of your boyfriend's sang with you or played an instrument?"

"Well they played an instrument, but they never sang with me." Star shook her head. "And my last boyfriend never came to church with me. He was an atheist. But he never even tried to sing with me either… You're the first one to actually duet with me, let alone come to church with me."

"You mean I'm the first person, not your first boyfriend, because I'm not your boyfriend."

"Right. Right, of course." Star chuckled. "Yeah, that's what I meant. I've never had anyone perform with me. Friends, boyfriends, people volunteering… I don't know why but… everyone was always drawn to my voice and preferred to hear me sing than for them to sing themselves. It always felt kinda… one-sided."

Shadow nodded. "I understand." The hedgehogs were silent for a moment before Shadow spoke up again. "Can I ask you something? Why did you choose me?"

"I'm sorry?" Star frowned at him, wondering what he meant.

"For your song, I mean. Why did you choose me as your inspiration? Do you really have feelings for me?"

Star blushed and looked down at her sandwich, picking the crumbs off it a bit. "It's just a little crush… but yes, I do."

"Why?"

"I can't explain how my heart works, Shadow. I mean, I dated a human for goodness sake. I'm just… attracted to you. I don't know why. We barely know each other."

"Try again with we don't know each other at all."

"Ok, I'll give you that." Star sighed, watching the birds as they came to pick at the crumbs on the ground. "You know… it's almost funny how my heart still yearns for love when it's been broken so many times. It's like once it felt the love of someone who wasn't related to me it didn't want that feeling to go away. Ever since my first heartbreak, I've been searching for that love. To feel that feeling again and… hoping I might find my duet. I can't be sure that it's you… but I can hope that I don't have to keep searching soon."

"Your duet?" Shadow tilted his head curiously at her.

"That's what I call my soulmate." Star chuckled, blushing again. "Someone who's comfortable dueting with me. I enjoy singing by myself… but it's nice to sing with someone else, you know… I know, it's stupid…"

"No… No, I don't think it's stupid. I think you're optimistic, and that's a pretty good trait to have. It… It reminds me of this friend I had. She was very optimistic too. I'm sure you'll find your duet some day, Star."

Star looked at him with wide eyes. She's never opened up to anyone about her feelings this way before, admitting to someone that she was searching for a soulmate she called a duet. She had feared that the moment she did she would be ridiculed, but Shadow was kind and understanding. He was soft and encouraging. It only made her yearn for him more.

'Baby steps, Star. Baby steps.' She thought to herself before smiling at him. "Thanks, Shadow."

"Is that why you got emotional when we were singing I Will Trust In You? I noticed that your eyes looked a little red, like you were trying to hold back tears."

Star laughed. "Yeah, you could say that… Sonic and I also lost a lot of people in our lives when we were young. Our parents and family, mainly. When I was little, I used to be afraid of death, because I never knew what happened to us when we die. Nobody could tell me, and it made me sad to think that the only thing that happened to our parents was them rotting in the ground below our feet… Then I came to Earth… I learned about God and His Son, Jesus Christ. I learned about how Jesus had sacrificed Himself for our sins by letting Himself get nailed up on a giant wooden cross, where He died and miraculously rose again three days later. I learned how God has a Kingdom of paradise up in the clouds, so beautiful that only the dead and the Holy can see it. I know God is worshiped by the humans and only Earth knows about Him… But it's nice to believe that He watches over Mobias too, and that my parents may be up in the heavenly paradise of peace with Him."

"... I can totally understand that."

"That's why I never take this crucifix off." Star held the purple-wired crucifix in her hand. "It keeps Him close to me. Close to my heart. It was given to me by the first priest I talked to. The first priest that taught me."

"Have you been baptized?" Shadow asked curiously. "I heard that's a thing with religious people."

Star nodded. "Yes, I have been. And since then, I've been trying to stay on the path of God. I may not always understand His ways or His plans for me, but I trust in Him."

"Hence the song."

"Hence the song." She chuckled, then sighed and laid back. "What about you? Have you tried to date before? And do you have any beliefs?"

"... No… I've never been taught about God, or any religion for that matter, so I don't really have any religious beliefs. And I've never thought about dating. Never really was in the front of my mindset. Never in the back either. I just never thought about it."

"So you've never been on a date… at all?"

"No."

"Not even with Rouge?"

"Pfft, as if I would go on a date with her. She's just an ally of mine. Besides, she's not my type."

"So you have a type?"

"I… No, I… Shut up!" Shadow blushed darkly, causing Star to laugh. "Hmph, besides, I did come up with one belief."

"And what's that?"

"... You're not completely horrible. You're quite nice. You know, based off of the few hours we've spent together."

"Aw, thank you Shadow. I really appreciate that." Star giggled. She finished her sandwich and crumpled up the wrapper before standing up. "This was very nice. We should do this again sometime."

"Maybe. I'll have to think about it."

"Oh, you kidder. I gotta go. See ya later." Star giggled, placing a quick kiss on Shadow's cheek suddenly before taking off with her super speed.

Shadow stood there, a frown on his face as he looked down at the ground in thought.

Wasn't being kissed supposed to make the person feel all happy and giddy inside? Maybe a little warm, or even angry if it wasn't wanted? That's what he had heard. Many books even talked about it, and Rouge had gone into deep unnecessary detail about it, explaining French kissing and everything.

That's what he was supposed to feel. But Shadow… Star had just kissed him… and he didn't feel anything.

…

Shadow walked into the house, still deep in thought.

A kiss.

Star had given him a kiss.

A kiss on the cheek, yes, but still a kiss.

Why didn't he feel anything?

"Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to come home." Rouge smirked at him from the living room. "You know, for someone who claims to be a recluse, you sure were out for a long time. Did you have a hot date or something?"

"No, bat." Shadow growled at her before flopping down onto the couch beside her. "... I was with Star."

"Ooh. So it was a hot date."

"It wasn't a date!"

"Ok, if it wasn't a date then why were you out with her for so long?"

"It was just a hang out thing. Boys and girls are allowed to do that, Rouge. You and I do it all the time."

"Yes, but I don't have a crush on you."

"That doesn't matter. It wasn't a date. End of discussion." Shadow huffed, laying back with his arms crossed over his chest. "... I went to go talk to her."

"About?"

"... About her song, and why I inspired her."

"Because she has a crush on you."

"Yeah, I know that Einstein, but I had to ask her why." Shadow rolled his eyes. "And... she couldn't really give me an answer. She herself doesn't know why she's attracted to me. She just... is... Can the heart really work like that?"

Rouge shrugged. "Sometimes. It's complicated. Why does it matter to you, anyway? You don't have any feelings for her in return, do you?"

"No, I don't. That's the weird part."

"What do you mean?"

"We..." Shadow sighed and looked up at the ceiling, thoughts still running through his head. "We sang together."

"You what?" Rouge's eyes widened. "What do you mean you sang together?"

"Before we could talk... I had ran into her at the children's church. She was volunteering to sing for the children. The youth pastor came out and saw us and... for whatever reason... I had said that I was there to play the guitar while she sang. I don't know why I said it, it was just the first thing that popped into my head... But as she was singing and I was playing... I don't know... I felt... compelled to sing with her... so I did."

"It almost sounds like you do have some kind of feeling for her."

"I don't think it's love, though."

"Why not?"

"... Because she kissed my cheek before she left... and I felt nothing."

Silence fell between the two of them. Rouge frowned down at the floor, thoughts running through her own head. "Well... maybe you just need to get to know her a little more... Hang out with her a few more times... Let her kiss you every now and then and just... see where it goes from there."

"And if I still feel nothing?"

"Then you let her down gently. It's a shameful thing to lead a girl on and make her believe that there's something there. And there's no shame in just being friends."

Shadow nodded in understanding. This wasn't going to be an easy thing to do, mainly because she was the twin of the Faker... but he was willing to put up with the challenge.

Nobody ever said that love was easy.