Chapter 2: The Burdens Of Destiny
{A/N: Here's Another Update...}
My Thanks To All My Readers and Reviewers...Enjoy S.S.
Happy Birthday, Severus Snape!
Snape's Quarters,Slytherin Dungeons, Hogwarts Castle, Wizarding World...
Sleep did not come easy for the Potions Professor. He had tossed and turned in the center of his rather large black four poster bed. The Slytherin dungeons had once been a safe haven for him, the darkness hid him from the enemies within the castle walls as well as the rest of the world. He embraced the ancient stone as if it were a long lost relative upon his arrival and has continued to do so whenever he made a trip outside the grounds. The early chill of the morning had done little to ease the burdens of his long suffering mind as the time drew near for the inevitable conclusion. To say he was in a state of torment would merely be down playing the heart-retching sobs that had been released in the dead of night. He had taken more to the bottle than in all the years prior following the news of his latest and most grueling assignment.
The empty bottles of firewhiskey littered his quarters as well as the night stands on the opposite sides of his bed. A kick of the covers and he found himself swimming in heat, the hottest fires of hell to be exact given the weight of his burden. The lifeless blue eyes no longer held their twinkle as Snape stared into the face of his former employer.
He had not the strength to do this.
A churning in the pit of his stomach sent him leaping from his bed and rushing straight for the loo.
It took him quite some time to empty his stomach of all it's contents, given that he hadn't eaten much as of late, but there was plenty of firewhiskey present to cause immediate discomfort. With his fatigued form cast askew on the floor of his bathroom, Snape found himself losing consciousness.
Plagued by night terrors when attempting to sleep and contemplation in his his waking hours, the only thing that enabled him to function at such a low capacity had been the small sliver of home that maybe, just maybe this would all finally be over for him no matter which side slew him. An hour passed and Snape pulled himself together. He still had classes to teach and lives to mold despite what loomed on the horizon. As he showered and dressed, he found that it had been a little easier to go about his tasks just focusing on the present.
Having gotten dressed, Snape gathered himself enough to venture out toward The Great Hall. While it was true he had been in no mood for breakfast, it was important now more than ever to keep up appearances.
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The Great Hall, Hogwarts Castle, Wizarding World...
Upon his arrival, Snape noted the numerous happy faces of those all around him. He remained expressionless as he envied their smiles, their burden less days, and their relatively easy lives beneath the watchful eye of their esteemed Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. Never knowing that his time had been growing shorter by the day and that one of his hands had been blackened from a very potent curse from the very despot they believed could never reach this place.
With downcast eyes, Snape found himself running his spoon through his porridge. His stomach remained in knots but he forced down a spoonful or two any way as not to arouse too much suspicion.
"Something's not agreeing with you eh Severus?" came the startling low voice of Ravenclaw Professor Filius Flitwick.
The Potions Professor composed himself enough to turn his attention to the half-goblin Professor whom had once been his Charms instructor.
"It would appear so." he managed in his usual emotionless tone.
"Not to worry." said Flitwick with a smile. "I'm sure you'll have a potion brewed to ease the effects in no time."
Snape nodded polite as he could manage and turned his attention back to his meal. Upon doing so he sat quietly as Albus Dumbledore continued to fuel the entire staff as well as the student body with false hope of a bright and unchanged future. He spoke as if all had been well, typical Albus, never once letting on how weak he had truly been.
He raised his hands to further punctuate his statements to the school and Snape noted the well placed glamour charm. He fought the urge to roll his eyes as he continued to watch the old man, wondering just how long he could keep up the charade.
Obsidian eyes traveled back to the bowl of porridge once more as he questioned how much longer he, himself could do the same.
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Atop The Astronomy Tower, Hogwarts Castle, Wizarding World...
It had been most unusual a place as any for Albus to have summoned him, but Snape made the unnerving trek to the top of the astronomy tower. He found the old man standing by a vast cut away over looking the grounds, his blackened hand cradled inside his relatively normal one behind his back as he seemed to be contemplating.
"You wanted to see me, Headmaster?" asked Snape in his usual emotionless tone.
Dumbledore turned from his view, the rather unpleasant sight of a sickly old man with his enormous beard blowing in the small breeze. His robes a shade of the dullest light gray Snape had ever seen. The clouds swirled in the distance, a possible precursor to the events about to take place in the not so distant future.
"Ah yes, Severus..." he said with an unpleasant smile despite the mood being somber. "I am pleased that you could join me, my boy."
The familiar address had only made the seemingly ever present knots in Snape's stomach tighten further.
"What is it you wish to see me about?" asked Snape wishing to get to the point of this meeting.
Dumbledore seemed to have dropped all pretense then, his face becoming a subtle mask of fury.
"This is no time for you to be contemplating." he said in a serious tone. "You will do this Severus...or do I need to remind you of the conditions of your service to me?
Snape's face showed a hint of rage before he managed to suppress it.
"Has it ever occurred to that brilliant mind of yours that you ask too much?" he asked forgoing his posturing. "Has it ever occurred to you, that I do not want to do this any more?"
Dumbledore turned his attention back to the view as if the younger wizard's pleas had fallen on deaf ears.
"Enough!" he said in a rather stern tone. "You will do this and that is all there is to it...I will not negotiate with you Severus."
Resisting the urge to rebel and shout his disfavor, Snape did the Slytherin thing and bowed out gracefully.
"Is that all?" he asked in an emotionless tone.
"Yes." replied Dumbledore. "You are dismissed for now."
The Potions Master took one last look at the older wizard before turning on his heel and departing, he paused briefly as he had come across a wide eyed Harry Potter. It would seem the boy caught the end of their irregular conversation.
A moment's pause, and Snape's obsidian eyes met those emerald green ones of the boy before him. A pang of longing went through him as he recalled the looks Lily Evans had once given him when they were children, those innocent eyes would see much more pain and suffering by this years end. One thing was of sure, they would also shed numerous tears.
Without a word, Snape passed the doe eyed boy and made the trek down the winding staircase of the tower toward the main castle. He sought the familiar haven of his dungeons, away from the judging eyes of Potter, and the welcome relief of a nausea potion.
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Snape's Office, Slytherin Dungeons, Hogwarts Castle, Wizarding World...
The silence had been maddening as his thoughts seemed to bounce between the walls of his secluded former haven from dunderheads and meddling old wizard's alike. Long pale fingers gripped the now empty phial of nausea potion but it did little to offer him comfort in the wake of his mind's constant wanderings. Once more the questions of How much longer he would have to endure this?, and of How much longer he would be able to keep up this false pretense?, screamed at him for hours on end.
With a heavy sigh he sent the empty phial soaring into the wastebasket.
One truth that could no further be denied by his feeble attempts at reassurance was that he had never been so lonely since his days as a student.
Before this solitude had been his most welcomed ally, he enjoyed spending time away from everyone and everything. Even as a boy he found the lack of another's presence comforting.
But what is comfort when faced with the possibility of total darkness.
No man is an island after all, and Severus Snape was no exception, no matter how he wished he could be. The fact remained that if he did this, if he followed through with Dumbledore's insane request, then he would be effectively and utterly alone. The entire wizarding world would want him dead and despite having the dark lord's backing, the death eaters would be far too envious of his cemented position of power among them.
Attempts on his life would come from both sides with no end in sight.
And what of The Boy Who Lived?
What of Harry Potter?
He had no doubt in his mind that the arrogant spawn of Lily and James Potter would tell all he knew how "right" he was about his Potions Professor, as if he had some keen sense of self awareness that they should all bow down to.
Snape's lips curled in disgust at the prospect of that self-assured little wretch thinking he knew better of a man whom he knew nothing of at all. After a moment or two he finally dismissed the cluttering thoughts in a bid to focus on his grading. He would do his job, he wouldn't enjoy it but never let it be said that Severus Snape was a coward given the hell he would wade through to usher in the new age, one free of despot's who were too self important to know they were irrelevant and manipulative old fools looking for an easy way out of their past blunders.
Yes, Snape would do his Merlin foresaken duty, there had been no one else capable of such profound willingness to be hated and scorned. Of course it had come natural for him being a half-blood Slytherin living in the wizarding world with the name of Snape. Everything about him from the moment of his birth apparently screamed: "HATE ME", so it was that his mother and father set the standard for everyone else to follow.