Chapter 2 - A Princess Charming for this Hero in Distress!
Part 1
Here we are, riding majestically through the skies.
On an exclusive beast of the north-the draculodon.
-Essentially a big bat, but I want to convince myself that it is in fact much cooler.
Despite the massive influx of wind whipping against my face, I still felt otherworldly due to the after effects of the curse.
I only woke up seconds ago-Revi, meanwhile, is still unconscious.
… Or is he?
As in, is the person beside me Revi at all? He has... olive hair! Did they send the wrong person!? Where are they sending us?
Just as I panicked over this new development, I recalled Regina-sama saying something about identity change… Perhaps the hair is a part of the deal?
If so, that'd be cool AF!
I leaned in for a closer look.
The hair looked completely natural and was colored to the root; that rules dye out of the question.
It… kinda smells nice too-
"...!?"
Oh just… why!?
"...!"
Of course he wakes up at the worst-
"... Eh…? A-Aqua!? Wha-? I thought you were with Kazuma… huh?"
Revi covered his throat after making an incredible claim.
"Hey now, who are you calling Aqua!? Did the curse reduce your intelligence!? ...huh?"
Then I also noticed it.
The voice that came out of my mouth sounded nothing like what I was used to.
"You're not Aqua? Well, you sure speak like her! And why were you so close to my face!?"
I think my speech pattern is the least of our worries here.
Now, there are two possibilities-one being that he's simply out of his mind, which would explain a lot.
But in the unlikely case that he isn't…
I combed over a lock of my own hair and took a look.
"It's blue!"
I yelled out of surprise.
"Thanks madam Obvious! My eyes were working the last time I checked, so… Oh, are you… princess Iris!?"
"Of course! Maybe you should have checked your short-term memory too!"
"Can't blame me! I don't remember Your Highness speaking so rudely before this!"
"Well get used to it! This is how my brain talks to me whenever I'm around you!"
Great, not even 30 minutes into our new adventure and we're already arguing…
That wasn't sarcasm, by the way. I rarely get to argue in the royal life.
"Apologies for my outburst, Your Highness… I suppose our training session will run far overtime, won't it?"
I shrugged.
Not because I didn't care, but because I couldn't really train him with all my stats reset.
And I know this because my adamantite armor itself feels too heavy for me to even stand up in.
"...So, where do you think we might be headed, Your Highness?"
Look at him trying to hit on me.
Though he did bring us back on topic. Where are we going?
Far below, through holes in the cloud cover patches of green meadows and hills became visible.
Eh?
I started to notice a path of sharp, conic craters, arranged in clusters of four… Almost as if-
"Your Highness, could those be!?"
Seems like he has caught on, too.
Mobile Fortress Destroyer-
A bane on every country of this world for centuries.
...
Till relatively recently, that is.
The trail of holes went on straight ahead for quite a while before terminating in a gigantic crater filled with metal scrap.
Then, out from the cloud cover burst the view of a circular city with a river running through its middle.
This sight is all too familiar.
"A town, A town Your Highness!"
Yes.
I can see that.
Care to keep stating the obvious?
"Calm yourself, prince-wannabe-charming-but-not-actually; I think I have a clue for where we are headed. Also, please call me Alice."
"Ah, Ahhhh!" x2
...The large monster rather unceremoniously deposited us on the dirty ground of a dead forest, with an audible "plop".
How very rude.
"Gah, what was that customer service!? People were paying tax money for this!?"
Even the nerd thinks it was too much.
I'm going to complain to the management…
But first!
"Your H- Alice!?'
I drew my sword as the dirty flying fox started to make altitude.
I have a history with demonic abominations and would never tolerate riding on one, much less being humiliated by one!
We're also in the wilderness, so all bets are off this time.
"Exterion!"
I swung my sword like I had countless times before, that rat was too big miss after all-
'...' x2.
It got away as if nothing happened.
Because nothing did happen. Guess all my previous skills are gone, too!
"Hmmph… Well, as cute as that was, how long are you going to lie there blushing like that?"
Humiliation x2 combo.
I would-if only I could.
Except my new strength stat is around that of a newborn kitten.
It feels like I'm entombed in solid rock. My armor might as well be forged from boat anchors.
"..."
"Please… help me remove my armor."
"You want me to… what? Excuse me, princess, but I only know of one person who would say anything like that… " he said in disbelief.
Or was that totally deliberate!?
"Look, you greenhouse plant, I don't have my skills anymore but I'm sure this sword will still work wonders If I thrust it through you."
"At once Your-Alice! S-should I close my eyes!?"
That will probably only lead to him touching more than necessary.
After only a few… mishaps, we got my armor off… safely.
My undershirt is thankfully keeping me decent, but only barely.
"Oww… my back! "
"Dig faster! we have to stash this gear! It's an heirloom of my country after all and….and…."
We found something that stopped both of us dead in our tracks.
"...Hmm, judging by the texture, color and hardness, that is a real skull."
A human skull was smiling at us from the hole.
"Eh!? And it looks very… happy!?"
Quite literally, too; it looked surprisingly pleasant. Overjoyed, even. I didn't think a skull could express emotions, but I've been proven wrong today.
Looking around, it seems that this ground is littered with human remains just under the soil.
"Uh… Eeeeeeek!"
I think they heard us all the way from the capital as we screamed and ran.
Ragequit, nope!
"Alice, look what I found! There's an ancient-looking sign over here!"
"Well, what does it say?"
"Ahem….Due to the presence of a Tranquility Princess, no further access is allowed beyond this point. By order of the Axel Town Adventurers Guild."
Well, at least our predictions were confirmed.
Part 2
The streets of Axel were bustling with activity. My supposedly revealing undershirt is also like a winter coat compared to the attire of other female adventurers here.
"Your Hi- I mean 'Alice'?...I am rather hungry and I imagine you are as well. Should we not inquire as to the offerings? I can't place it but something smells… Well, wonderful!"
Not waiting for my reply, Revi all but ran towards the source of the mouth watering scent.
Is that how I acted like the first time I came around here?
I suddenly felt like I had brought a little brother to tag along instead of a-
"Can I get three of whatever those are!?"
Oh, the kabob stand! This bring back memories.
"That will be three hundred thousand Eris."
Wait, this store… this price...This feels very familiar! Too familiar!
"...Three for three hundred thousand huh… You know, that sounds a little expensive."
At least he wasn't as naive as me. Thank Eris.
"How about four for three hundred and fifty thousand?"
…Except, unfortunately, he's an idiot. Thank Aqua… no offence to Aqua-sama, of course.
"Really? Well then, how about five for two hundred thousand? …Six for one hundred thousand!? Possibly even down to… "
At that point, I knew I had to intervene.
"Ow ow ow ow! Iri- Alice! That hurts, please let go of my ear! I was doing so well bargaining the price for these… things on skewers!"
I thought he was supposed to be a financial whiz.
"Sorry to interrupt, mister! We would like three of these. Here's three hundred and twenty Eris plus tax. Sorry for taking so long! Have a nice day and may your business prosper!"
The kabobs are delicious, but as I painstakingly learned from my last visit, these were only 100 Eris each. The shopkeep frequently jokes with children-or young people in general-to watch their reactions.
"Alright, what's the deal Revi? I thought you were supposed to be good with money!"
He's looking pretty ashamed now, not that it's stopping him from trying to eat more than his share of the third skewer.
Last time there were three of us; now there's only two. So I guess he was on the right track for ordering six.
And hey!
That's my meat you're eating!
"So what if I've never eaten at a street vendor? Or purchased a lunch… Or handled cash...? I'll have you know the figures for the revenue and expenditure I normally concern myself with have many more zeros than just five. I deal in wholesale, not retail!"
His voice shrunk then grew like in a symphony piece.
Come back to me when you know the price of a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread you stuck up royal brat.
I blushed slightly at my own thought, but anyhow…
Now with the basic survival needs taken care of for the moment, what now?
Regina-sama said we'd want to rebuild skills.
Getting skills outside our bloodline bestows requires… an adventurer's card!
Normally royalty would never be allowed such a thing.
Adventuring was the work of the masses after all, and we were "better than that".
"Pfft…"
"Mmmph, Did you say something, Alice?"
"Yes, stop eating like a dainty prince. We got work to do!"
I forcefully pulled him to his feet from the bench he was sitting on and struck out for the Adventurers guild.
Yet, we didn't get more than a few paces before I noticed an alarming trend.
One-we were getting an inordinate number of onlookers.
Two-Revi was choking on the last of that kabob I force fed him.
Secret art! Heimlich*Maneuver-!
"Ok, new plan! We need to change up our gear. We don't look like adventurers...In fact right now we don't even pass for nobles. We pass for newbies wearing clothes far above our pay grade!"
Revi eyed me up and down in careful consideration.
S-Stop that.
"Indeed. While the clothes themselves are common for adventurers, their materials and craftsmanship are far beyond what's available in a small city like this."
"Nice work, young lady! Your costume looks nearly exactly like princess Iris'. You should be more proud of your work!"
"Though I'm not quite sure who that guy is trying to dress up as, his clothes are extremely well-made! Only a bit dirty."
"Hey there, you two! As a fellow cosplayer, I'm very interested in which tailor shop made these costumes. Did you order them from one of those expensive magic tailors at the capital? Or, Eris forbid, did you make them yourselves!?"
"Princess Iris, I love you! Wooo!"
… The onlookers are getting out of control.
But they did bring up a good question;
How would they know what my undershirt looked like?
On a second thought, I probably don't want to know.
"Well, let's go and find an armor or clothes shop and gear up for our quest!"
I felt so excited saying that, my eyes might have actually glowed.
Big boss would be proud!
Revi just deadpanned me and sighed.
"And what gear would you get? We have no idea what we can even equip yet. Before we purchase a pile of useless gear like that armor you brought along, let's see about getting our cards and jobs sorted out, alright? That sounds more rational doesn't it?'
"Did you just mock the heirlooms of my kingdom? But sure, let's head to the guild first.."
It didn't take much searching around to locate it, being the most crowded place in the whole city.
It's strange, I'd been here before, yet it somehow felt like a lifetime ago.
Still, it feels so...nostalgic!
For me, at least.
Though we haven't even gone through the front doors yet-
"Are you… actually trembling?"
Apparently Revi found the average low level adventurer too rough and intimidating.
"B-but but...These people are literal barbarians you know?"
"So am I… Your point being?"
Well well well. They say when the time comes, the mother lion throws her cubs into the ravine.
I'm merely promoting natural selection-!
It's called tough… L-love?
"Ready or not, to hell you go!"
"Ah? W-woah, ahhh!"
I shouted as I shoved him through the open doors.
What a relief.
He slid to a stop at the foot of a waitress.
Said waitress didn't miss a beat. She looked down at his embarrassing form and began,
"Welcome! If you're here to eat, please take any open seat. If you need job guidance, head to the counter inside."
She managed to squeeze the standard greeting for fresh faces out before turning away to laugh into her sleeve.
I gave her a knowing smile, to which she nodded then walked off.
"It feels good not to be a scrub."
"Dunning-Kruger syndrome much..."
Revi whispered something insulting AF, but I let it slip.
Across the guild hall, I could make out Luna-san doing what she's best at.
This place was hopping with happy adventurers in various states of eating, drinking, laughing or any combinations of all three.
"..." x2
In fact, being drunk seems to be the default around here.
It seemed none too many where all that eager to do any actual work.
...And that's when I heard it.
"Muahaha! Thou foolish drunkard, thou hast spilt thy drink on moi. If thee doth not wish a divination, at least pay for the cleaning! Thou refuse? Thou coveteth mushrooms growing out of thy derriere then?!"
Ahh...My strong hachibei.
As I watched him extract more than a token fee from the drunkard, I think back to that exciting day!
"Alice… Let's go back...t-this will never work!"
Here I was hoping that the throw would have helped him grow a pear.
Not that I understand why pears have anything to do with bravery.
"What are you so scared of now?"
But Revi was in a cold sweat now.
"Alice...that man, my instincts are telling me that man is terrifying."
Well, he's not entirely incorrect.
When a person is as weak as Revi, every man must seem terrifying to some degree.
Unfortunately, Regina-sama all but mentioned how important it is that we consult this salesman… and fortune teller.
"Ow-ow ow WHY?!"
"Aren't you thrilled to be able to witness such a handsome existence?"
I once again dragged him by the ear as I moved to take a seat in front of that very masked man.
The adventurer's card is the most personal item one can possibly have.
It directly binds with the owner's soul and interacts with it.
That way, these cards cannot be reused or exchanged.
But most importantly, they always show the true identity of the owner, which is the reason I never got one last time.
So, in order to obtain adventurer's cards and still remain undercover, we must find some way of forging them.
"Good day, Vanir-san. We are new adventurers that wish to ask some quest-"
"Ohoho! Why, isn't it the mighty princess of Belzerg, Iris, and the thirsty prince of Elroad, Revi? Or shall moi rather say, Alice and Ravi? Moi see that thou are troubled after being sent here in this inconvenient state by that cute goddess… Hmm, adventurer's cards, is it? Oh fear not, moi can handle that. For a price, of course."
"...!?" x2
Suddenly, his scary appearance became the least of our worries.
"Oho? Now moi must warn thee not to ask questions thoust wouldn't want the answers to! Leave it be that moi can indeed help thou, and that thou willst agree to moi terms..."
"Uh, p-pardon?"
He lost me after "thirsty".
"The way you know so much is… very disturbing…! How did you find out half of this?"
Meanwhile, the one who's probably used to negotiating at least ten times a day fared much better.
It's true, the way he blurts out all the important information really reminds me of those "NPC"s onii-sama used to speak of.
They're essentially flat characters that act very predictably.
Could hachibei be an… NPC?
"Moi wilt give ye some time to digest. Hmm, moi haven't encountered encrypted humans for a rather long time and that's coming from someone… who has far more experience than a century can quantify."
No way, just from his voice I could tell that he's no mere side character.
"You really expect me to accept a blind contract?!"
Contract? How did we escalate from asking for some help to contracts in four sentences?
"Don't be ridiculous...For there to be a counter offer, there must first be an offer! Some proposal!"
Revi said while comically moving his hands about. It seems my Hachibei has enticed his inner market manager hard enough to forget his fear.
"Thou, what is the first tenet of negotiation? Is it not to apply leverage? What is the first tenet of market value? Scarcity it is! On moi name, moi tell thee that moi am thy sole source in this issue. By the basic rules of economics, moi may name moi price in this."
Ugh-
Any other person saying this and would I laugh in their face.
However, I can feel somewhere deep down that he was not joking.
What a troublesome situation…!
"How can you claim this? What assurances do you give? You really expect us to take your word on this? Just how gullible do you think we are?!"
Hey prince, You're overdoing it!
"It is a simple matter, thou heartstruck prince, moi am the one person in this world that may convince Luna-san to do as thee wish."
And with that he waved and smiled at said Luna-san across the hall, who waved back with great enthusiasm.
Oh…
That's how!
Game, set, match.
"My demands are simple. For funds of no less than ten thousand Eris to be delivered per week to the store run by that certain purple-robed disaster of a woman and to purchase back any unsold commodities."
Though, before we leave…
"One last thing… you mentioned a 'cute goddess'... does that mean you know her? Who are you, really?"
"Excellent question! But moi hope thou canst find an excellent answer elsewhere as moi current location doesn't suit such a grand reveal of moi identity. What a pity. However, the other half of thy curiosity will be fulfilled in due time, look forward to it! Muahaha!"
Part 3
We went back to the registration window where we saw him.
"Good day, new ad- ah?"
Vanir-san came up from behind and tapped the receptionist's shoulder as she was about to give her standard greeting.
"Muahaha! And good day to thee Luna-dono! Thou looks especially sunshiny today...Might moi take thee aside for a moment to discuss something...Deeply personal?"
His choice of words disturbs me on a spiritual level.
And is it bad that Luna-san doesn't look bothered at all?
Seeing the two retreat behind the guild counter, I couldn't stop myself from eavesdropping on the important details.
"Uwaa, Vanir...I can't break the rules like that!"
"It is a well guarded secret that this is possible is it not? It is not lying when it is never asked is it?"
"This..is true...but if it ever got out…"
"Of course, moi will offer recompense-"
"Haha, 'doth thou covetouth mine firing?!'"
"Moi would not put thee in such a position...Muahaha- rather Moi would…"
Oh dear, Luna-san just gulped!
"Moi would, offer a very special evening in moi own bedchamber."
I suddenly regret listening in on this conversation.
How could I have left Revi behind and enjoyed this all by myself?
"Psst, nerd prince, over here!"
I waved at the boy sitting alone at a table with his face buried inside his arms, motioning for him to come over.
Something tells me that his enthusiasm is already declining.
"Eh? Why are you in such an... interesting position?"
"Shh! Couldn't you tell I'm spying!? This is a basic combat technique; unlike what you're used to, we have to lower our stature whenever possible and not make ourselves any more noticeable than we have to be!"
"I get it! But… who are you spying on in the guild hall? The wall? Hey, calm- Ahhh!"
I dragged the brat over by his ear.
Now, let's get back to the show-
"V-Vanir-san! Couldn't you word that a little more subtly?!..And..and even then, I couldn't possibly- "
I can sense his smug smile all the way from here.
"Moi will not let thee sleep tonight…"
Ahh, I think Luna dropped the tray she was carrying.
"Wha..What could you possibly-"
"Moi will play with thee until thee submit."
It's great to see we haven't missed the climax!
"We'll be playing on thy bed all night."
"Uwaaa...Vaaaanir…"
"Moi moves will make thee screech-"
"..."
"This better not be one of your crude jokes…"
"Moi art a devil, we always keep to our offers."
"T-then..tonight after dinner?"
"Sharply!"
"It seems the negotiation is successful. Good to know."
The nosey prince beside me stated plainly.
"Why? Aren't you excited? Imagine what is about to… ohh-!"
"Excited? For what? Their evening card game or chess session?"
"Card game? You wish! Just wait till tomorrow and see if Luna-san comes late!"
Revi showed a somewhat confused expression and rolled his eyes.
"Well… wanna bet then?"
How foolish and naive this boy is.
As the masked man and receptionist reemerge, she ecstatically beckoned us over to the magical card making device!
Oh!
Is this really going to happen?!
My heart isn't prepared for this!
"You look like a girl about to lose her 'precious thing'."
Okay, he's not naive. He's sexually frustrated.
"...And just how would you know what that looks like anyway?"
"Ahem."
Luna-san seems to want our attention back.
"A-alright you two...Now then, do either of you need the basic explanation as to how this works?"
Hmm… The simple instructions have already been written clearly at the base of the crystal ball, but…
She's looking at us suspiciously, as if she genuinely believes that we are demonkin or something nefarious.
Can't you feel the righteous, regal, royal princess-y aura seeping out from this alter ego, Luna-san?
Or did the corrupt and greedy aura emitted by that other person cancel mine out?
Really Luna-san, It's nothing like that! Don't you have any faith in those earnest adventure-seekers working to make the world a better place?
As the word "adventurer" passed through my mind, onii-sama's face flashed before me.
Ah, right-
-Of course she doesn't.
Shrugging, I placed my hand over the magical device-
Almost instantly, we could all tell that something was wrong.
Amongst the normally cerulean particles, deeply purple and crimsons also burst forth.
Then, the crystal ball suddenly blinked bright magenta as its needle engraved the blank card underneath.
However, after the minor anomaly, the card was generated rather ordinarily.
Luna picked up the card and started reading it as usual, only to squint her eyes in a confused manner.
"Umm… Your stats are generally pretty good for a beginner. Slightly above average, I'd say. Rather well-rounded, a bit of everything."
That should be good news; why the look?
"Very well-rounded. In fact-"
Luna-san turned the card over for me to see.
"-All the stats are exactly the same."
"But the most concerning part of all is…"
Turning the card back, Luna-san began to read.
"0-6-S-I-1-2-L-1-3-R-C-R-Y… Is this the name you go by? Was this the name your parents gave you?"
Eh!?
That's my… name!?
"Look… we understand if you had… abusive parents that were obviously being irresponsible with their child. You can talk to nee-san if you have anything on your mind."
What a conclusion to come to. Amazing work, Luna-nee!
Still, I never expected my name to change into something so cryptic.
Suddenly, the prince broke the ice-
"Oh you have no idea, Luna-san! Our parents were in a tough financial situation when we were just conceived and had to get enough money to raise us somehow. Incredibly, their rich noble friends jokingly promised to take care of us if they gave ridiculous names to us. So, here we are-bullied so severely due to our unpronounceable names that we had to leave home and go adventuring at such young ages-"
-and made a brilliant fake lore for our origins.
He can be cool sometimes.
Wait, could it be her again? We've flown quite a long way. Perhaps distance has no effect?
Anyhow, I must elaborate to make it more convincing.
"A-and, we had to sneak out, too! The noble was predictably unwilling to pay for our upbringing, so they mistreated us and only gave us the hand-me-down clothes that weren't entirely broken, so please excuse our strange attire…!"
My voice trailed off as I realized that I've probably made the story much more dramatic than I should've.
Luna-san now looked at us with deeply sympathetic eyes.
"H-how preposterous! Tell me their household name! Tell me and I'll forward it to the capital! Perhaps the team of chivalrous thieves would take them on."
Unbeknownst to her, the said group hasn't been active for ages.
"Ah thank you! Their names are Sat-mmmph!"
Now what is this kid trying to accomplish!?
"Shhh! They are a part of a large underground society and have lots of connections and they are very dangerous and… Point being, we shouldn't open this can of worms today!"
"Thanks for your registration, uhh... Mr. 12RR11B14RCRY and Ms. 06SI12L31RCRY! Wish you luck out there! Come to this guild daily for quests! Be sure to look for hard-working and not useless teammates!"
We eventually got out without raising too much suspicion.
The spoiled prince chose the archer class so that he could use his fancy crossbow.
Archers typically rely upon a variety of stats including luck, agility, strength, intelligence and other minor stats.
Since our stats are exactly equal, it worked perfectly in his favour.
I myself ended up choosing the priest class for a few reasons.
First of all, our party must be well-rounded like Kazuma-san's in order to do well.
Healers themselves have a high demand most of the time, so finding one will be hard.
Lastly, to my dismay, the crusader, knight, thief… all the jobs that remotely have to do with swordplay require one stat or another to be unusually high; be it endurance, strength, stamina or luck.
So, embarrassingly, the saying "healer takes no skill" is an apt description of my situation.
"No way, you can't simply ask people nicely to join our party. Do you understand advertising at all? We have to make ourselves look like the best option on the entire bulletin board!"
Said Revi as we designed our party recruitment poster.
"But… there really is nothing to advertise! We're beginners with barely any useful skills and background. I guess since we brought a lot of change and food, that can be our one selling point."
I sarcastically fought back.
"Exactly! Adventurers are constantly in need of money and food! Trust me on this, we'll do fine!"
Revi took the brush and started writing big letters in comically bold fonts.
"Hey! Give the brush back! And isn't that bribery!? Plus, the money is supposed to keep us from having to work full-time; we're on a mission, not trying to start a new life here! If we gave everything away, we'd really have to start from zero!"
Our originally modest poster is starting to look like one of those "WANTED" flyers we used to send out.
Not that we desperately need teammates anyway; I'm sure we can finish the mission alone if we levelled quickly enough.
As a royal, I was taught shortcuts and powerful techniques on learning new skills rapidly.
The only real goal for this is to secure ourselves a crimson demon, as instructed by Regina-sama.
Part 4
With the recruitment poster up, we went to do the next logical thing-buying actually appropriate clothes.
The local gear shops were close by, being focused on adventurers and all. It was both convenient for us and a good business opportunity for them.
Hmmm…
Now to figure out what clothes we should actually buy.
Or, before that, which shop we should visit.
There were roughly a dozen equipment shops and stalls arranged in a semicircle around the guild along with the usual food stalls.
As I pondered this-
"Why have you stopped, Alice? We're not being grand fashionistas here, just get what seems practical!"
The prince was rapidly running out of patience.
"Think opposite, Ravi. Look, I've always been wearing whatever my parents gave me; I have to make my first choice count… "
"..."
Revi stared at me with disappointment like my father used to. Too bad he's shorter than I am and doing so only made him look even less serious.
"What? Welcome to shopping with a girl. You will be doing it a lot more so get used to it…noob!"
"...Why are you so excitable in this?"
What's wrong with being excited about shopping? I'm only… !
…Four...teen…?
D-don't look at me like that!
Gee, I bet Megumin-san was already very mature about equipment shopping at this age.
I definitely would have played with my wand in public while drooling if I were to get one.
"Your high, I mean 'Alice' ...Let's observe for a moment carefully."
Hmm?
"Those shops over there get very little traffic, and their wares on display look poor.."
Yes and?
"The largest and most gaudy storefront has a great number of people going in and out...and the shopkeeper is amazingly pleased with himself."
"Is there any meaning behind this?"
"Just let me finish! Now, the shop across from that one...has much lower foot traffic, their display looks to have high quality merchandise, yet by virtue of their location they get far less attention. I posit that the shopkeep in the most popular shop is so pleased because he's able to stay competitive by geography without offering superior pricing or service."
So, you can do basic psychology. Good for you.
"...Your point is?"
Why does he look so smug?
"I suggest we go to the further shop, the keeper looks displeased...She may well be open to more negotiation in pricing in order to simply get our business. "
As if pricing is of any significant concern to us.
"... If saving a few Eris makes you happy, then fine… let's go."
Ahhh… he really does look happy.
So easy…
A set of bells chimed as we opened the door, and the female shopkeep seemed to wake from a stupor.
"AHH? Ahem...Welcome, welcome! What can I get for this lovely young couple?" she said, eyes shining.
Ehh?! Couple?
Do we really look like that?
Ahh… the prince...
His smug factor just went up by ten!
She's just trying to upsell us Mr. Salesman!
"Pardon us, hehe, but we aren't really…"
And then the impudent prince elbowed me on the side.
"Listen, if she thinks we're a couple she might get emotional in a way that gives us an even bigger advantage in negotiations. This is a great opportunity."
He whispered to me.
How far is this prince taking this?! He can't possibly believe that she won't charge him extra then play it off as a "test of faith and wealth" for me, right?
"Right. We would like full priest and archer gear sets miss, we are newly minted adventurers, you see!"
I proudly displayed my new coveted adventurers card.
"Um...Alice-chan is it? Aren't you two kind of young and fragile looking for this?...And is that tape on your card over that name?"
Yes indeed, behold the clever me!
But Revi-
"Never mind us, we will surely search for some front line persons before we go in harm's way. Still, we really do need appropriate gear."
"Ahaha… well… allow me to show you our starter sets!"
She led us to racks of...
Oi! What is this pile of loosely bound, poorly tanned leather!?
"This is our area for starters! Most fresh mea- (cough), I mean new adventurers are unable to afford better than this, so… "
Do we look that poor?
Or is she mentally… challenged?
Either way, the the enthusiasm quickly faded from her face and she walked away looking somewhat dejected.
Rather, she was holding back tears.
Just how badly was this shop performing?
A-As an Adventurer (fake), I have to do something about this!
"Ma'am, would you be so kind as to show us your higher end wares?" I asked as sweetly as possible.
She turned to us with a look of despair, but with a sigh-
"Sure...better window shoppers then no shoppers I guess… This way…"
She waved us over into a seperate partition, seemingly protected by magic wards for security sake.
Needless to say, I was much more impressed by this new sight.
"...Now this is more like it!"
The shopkeeper's face transformed to one of pride, with good reason!
This area was littered with gear that would not have been out of place in the royal armory.
It was also…
Ahh-
Shopkeepers face transformed with running tears…
"Yes... the finest gear in town, you could ask for no better! Better in fact than… anyone… in this town of newbies could afford. I took out huge business loans to bring in this inventory but… . "
"..." x2
And this happened.
"Oi..Alice...over here…"
The prince annoyingly pulled me aside once again…
"We can clearly use this woman's disadvantaged state to negotiate some major discounts, we need o… w-wait!"
Prince...you….I was wrong about you!
The shopkeeper barely paid attention to the lump I just created on his head.
I then smiled generously at the shopkeep and said,
"Please, present us the most… "
Before I could finish, I painfully remembered the reason I had to ditch my precious armor in the first place.
"Yes young lady? I'll give you a couple discount if you both purchase from this selection!"
"... lightest armor, if you would?"
Fortunately, I found a suitable armor set for my job and status.
Unfortunately, we did not get the discount.
"Um, Alice? You done yet?"
Also fortunately, it looks quite magical and pretty.
Also unfortunately, it is quite lewd.
"Almost! Be patient, you… um, pay-2-win… whale!"
"Whale!? Your insults are getting weirder and weirder, I have to say. Where did that even come from!? Isn't that used to describe old women? Why, of course not you, Ms. Shopkeep...!~"
I changed leisurely behind the curtain of the change room.
Most armor sets were simple throw-on-tops, so they only made one change room.
My particular set, however, had a few cutouts that really clashed with my undershirt. Not that I'm against lewd armor; if anything, it would only help me blend in more with the local fashion trend. The most important point is that the armor was very light yet still offers enough protection to the vital areas.
The change room itself looks quite deserted, as if nobody had used it in centuries.
The walls were dusty, floor creaky, and the curtain frayed at most of the hanger rings.
In fact, only two rings still helped to hold the fabric up.
It'd be terrible if one of them failed while someone was-
-Woosh-
"Why does this have to happen to me, I swear I didn't pull on the curtain! Also, my eyes are closed, I saw nothing! Please don't hit me, I…"
The prince immediately started sputtering these things.
He must think I'm standing before him nude or something. How pathetic.
"Kyaa~! You pervert! I'm so going to slap you after this!"
But I played along just for fun.
"Don't slap me! I'm innocent!"
Your blush says otherwise, gentle prince.
I sighed and broke it to him,
"I pulled it. It was a privacy hazard to let it remain. Also, I told you I was almost done; I only have a few buttons left. Open your eyes!"
Revi then opened his eyes in a somewhat disappointed manner.
As if it wasn't clear enough what he was thinking.
"Oh… I was… worried but now I'm even more so because someone has to pay for the curtain repairs!"
"I just finished changing into my new outfit and you're worried about the curtain!? If you're gonna pretend to be a couple, at least act like you're remotely interested! How much can a curtain cost anyway!?"
"Honestly, it's not even lewd. Sure it has some pretty deliberately placed cutouts, but it's not like you have the assets to make use of them to begin with. No offense."
"That's great. I'm not a superficial brat who lives off of his image, so it's pretty much perfect. What about yours?"
We had a friendly chat as we headed back for the guild.
"Archers don't tend to need much armor, so I chose this nicely designed green and yellow cloak and a helmet for head protection. That's about it."
Green and yellow cloak, huh.
Totally not trying to look like someone else, are you, prince?
To be fair though, much like me, he couldn't exactly move with more than two metal pieces.
We passed through the guild doors with only slight hesitation on the prince's part this time.
Inside, I could see several adventurers over at the board, some clearly checking out our poster and… shaking their heads.
Did we mess up somewhere?
Oh… now they seem to have noticed us.
And now they are pointing and chuckling,
I see.
Our offer must have seemed outlandishly good to come from a couple of low level newbies, and thus they treating us like kids at play.
Big Boss had a similar issue as I recall when she initially started recruiting for her chuuni club-er, thieving group.
As I was nodding silently with my arms crossed, Revi interjected,
"...I see, our initial offer was no good. Like I originally proposed, we should offer full benefits and compensation if we want to be taken seriously as adventurers. Let me make a quick withdrawal from some hidden royal slush accounts…"
I quickly grabbed his collar.
Wait.
"Hidden accounts? Oi, I always knew a nation based entirely on gambling would be corrupt to the core but…!"
"Watch your language! And no, we merely… well. Unlike the Belzerg royal family, my family's sovereignty is not backed by superior physical power. In case of emergencies… like a successful coup or other reasons for one of us being run out of the country, these accounts exist as backup."
I see, while it's nice we have another layer of funds to fall back on, I really don't want to rely on the power of money here. We must attempt to be proper adventurers! U...uh...Regina-sama wouldn't want it any other way!
Definitely!
...No other reason.
"...I think our poster is alright; it hasn't even been two hours. Let's give it some time, shall we? Besides, the smell of this place is making me hungry again. The skewers were a nice snack, we should have a proper meal…"
I said while heading to the tables.
"I'm starting to wonder how you keep that... princess-ish... figure, anyway? Is it from yet another hero's item, or pure genetics? Either way, apologise to all those who surely had to suffer everyday!"
I can't help it.
Royalty has the highest potential after all, we naturally require massive energy intake to maintain our optimal states.
As a matter of fact, the first thing we learn in terms of etiquette is to hide our ravenous hunger and appetite; but as of now, that is the last thing I'd worry about.
On another note, doesn't this prove that our real abilities are still there, hidden beneath Regina's curse? Hmm...
Eagerly waving a waitress over and ordering a set of grilled lizard char burger combos, we began our recruitment strategy meeting.
"Alice, we must be doing something grievously wrong. Perhaps we have grossly misjudged this market, Axel after all is renowned as 'The City of Beginners', and maybe there is no one confident of applying to such an obviously auspicious party as ours? Or, even… No, they can't possibly be looking down on us, could they? We must still have some remnants of an aura around us...That must be it! H-hey, can you stop eating for a moment?!"
Ah, it only took two whole minutes for him to realize.
He's improving, albeit slowly.
I choked down the last of my triple-layer smoked pork sandwich and flushed it down with cold neroid.
"Ggg-ck! Grr-ghh!"
"Hey, are you alright? Did you choke on your drink? Need a hand?"
"-Burp. No, I just wanted to do one of those loud burps after downing a sizeable drink. Still gotta work on it-oh look!"
I noticed movement out the corner of my eye.
...Oho?
C-could this be?
A potential new member?
….
And a Crimson Demon at that!
Wait.
Something seems awfully familiar about her.
I felt chilly tingles flow down my body. The figure radiated a demonic presence akin to that of a devourer of souls.
I shuddered.
No, hold that.
"Um… Alice, your drink is dripping onto your new clothes-"
"Shh! Don't you see that crimson kid over there? I think there's something special about her…"
Nonetheless, Revi visibly shivered in agreement.
This... feeling of latent greatness.
I, a royal.. A princess of a nation, somehow feel the need to prostrate before this young, red eyed girl here and now…!
This pressure...!
Wearing some kind of patchwork uniform, clearly given a terrible amount of love and customization, the rather pretty girl stepped up to our table with a mostly neutral expression. Short pigtails, from her size and figure I'd guess she was thirteen, maybe even fourteen years old… yet her face still had a certain adolescence to it.
"C-can I help you miss?" Revi stammered out...with difficulty.
Flaring out her cape and taking an aggressive stance, she-
"Be intimidated! Be awestruck! I am Komekko! The Crimson Demon Clan's greatest little devil and femme fatale! Expert of Intermediate magic! Thou whom seekest powerful allies, Komekko has come to answer thy summoning!"
Right, aren't they all the same. The girl rolled her head back and cackled like a villain.
"Muahahahahaahaha!"
Revi coughed. He seems to remember dealing with Big Boss that time...
"..." x2
Now that I think about it, shouldn't we have some sort of a standard procedure for filtering recruits?
Since I still have a bad taste in my mouth from my last major talk… Prince, you're up!
I shot him a glance. Revi sighed then went on,
"Greetings; yes, we are the owners of the poster. Please tell us about yourself-like your experiences, combat skills, interpersonal skills, background, origins, lore, myths, legends and whatnot… so on and so forth."
In response, she gave us the same cutesy head tilt I had mastered during my earlier years.
It worked wonders for getting me what I wanted.
Though even I was slightly taken aback by Revi's business-law-firm-big-organization-style opening line.
"...Like I said, I am Komekko. Currently living with nee-chan's family in Axel. As you can see, I am a Crimson Demon! I'm pretty famous around here, you know? Just look around us right now!" she said with a smug look while spreading her arms wide.
I did as she said and found out the reason behind my cold sweat.
We were being stared at from each and every corner of the guild.
Everyone, including Luna-san.
They looked at us as if looking at criminals.
Revi looks visibly disturbed as he makes the same discovery.
Yet-
"Um, Komekko… san? Why is everyone here giving us the stink eye?"
"Ah well, that's because, like I said, I'm mighty famous around here. I would like to say I've brainwashed them all into being my servants, but rather it's because they've made me an unofficial guild mascot over the last couple of years… somewhat annoyingly, I suppose. People here seem to have become strangely possessive and protective of me, and openly distrust any foreigner who dares to approach me…"
Don't look at us with that sad and dejected face!
Right back at you, Iris. Not even lolis can withstand the gaze of a loli.
As someone who had just escaped such an environment yesterday, I can sympathise.
As I nodded my head knowingly, Revi continued,
"...I see, that's interesting, I don't see how that benefits us though. How does your being the guild mascot help us in any way?"
"I was merely acknowledging my widely recognized august greatness. See, I want to go adventuring, but since the folks here will witchhunt anyone that tries to recruit me, I needed a party whose apparent strength couldn't possibly cause any harm to me. Luckily, my search seems to have ended today."
She smiled at us brilliantly as she said so.
It made me feel irate. Then defeated.
And yet, there's a mysterious force compelling me to accept her regardless.
"...Anyhow, your poster mentioned food expenses being guaranteed…so, so… " She said while suddenly looking at her feet.
As if at her will, her stomach emitted a tremendous growl.
"..." x2
"...I haven't eaten in three days, if you would be so kind…"
Poor girl! She must be starving! As royalty-No! As a human being I must-
"I'm pretty sure I saw you devouring several plates of food a few hours ago…" interjected the prince.
He then pulled me over to whisper into my ear.
"Alice, lying during an interview is a sure sign of trouble. Coupled with all this negative attention she seems to have attracted….I'd hate to say it, but I think we should turn her down. I mean..this offensive aura?! A Con! This must be some kind of a con!"
What a faithful and totally unbiased person you are, huh prince-sama?
Regina said we need a crimson demon! But…
Looking around the guild hall again, I finally noticed.
There were nearly a dozen sets of red eyes wandering about!
What happened to crimson demons being rare outside their village?
….
And it doesn't help that they are all female.
Noticing my unspoken question and glances, Komekko spoke up-
"...Ah, as you see after a certain...fellow clanswomen found fortune fame and...a husband, it became known that Axel was a hot spot for future prospects. The current gender distribution of the village means we must venture out if we have any hopes to find a spouse near our own age. The nee-chans in heat around me are all husband hunting under the guise of party seeking...well most of them anyway…"
With that, I followed her glance to a table at the corner of the guild, where a particularly shapely girl wearing an eye patch was furiously scribbling notes while listening to accounts from the old semi-retired adventurers.
Marriage, problem young women can't ever escape from.
Even this child is… -hold up.
"Does that mean… Oh poor you; desperate enough to come to this clown for company. I have to warn you, this guy is hopeless on the inside, you should think higher of yourself and… "
I was interrupted by the sensation of the prince's sharp stare.
...And I love it!
The girl's eyes went wide at first, but then she giggled.
"Ah… Of course not! It's too soon for me to worry about such things, I'm only ten and a half after all."
…!
Part 5
Later that afternoon-
"What do they feed girls in this town? I could have sworn she was ready for marriage, or at least… for those people."
"...You sound suspiciously disappointed. Hmm, I still remember that look you gave me when we first met two years ago."
"Come on, don't act like you're unsurprised after spitting neroid all over my new shirt. Thanks for that, by the way!"
In the end , we turned her down.
It only made sense that the others were protective of such a child.
It was only after learning her age when I finally realized it.
That innocent face, that unusually developed body.
She was the perfect jailbait!
Unlike Big Boss, she was comparatively developed for her age.
And any guy taking her away would be instantly branded a lolicon.
On a side note, I've heard that the giant frogs here are rich in protein and growth hormones.
So we've decided to hunt some.
For the sake of being adventurers, of course.
I do not need a body like Lalatina's.
I just wish to secure more provender for the towns growing boys and girls, and protect the peace of the town as well. Mmhm, that's it.
Right-Giant Toads!
The most basic of starter quest the town of beginnings has to offer.
I, Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg...am going to hunt the mobbiest of mobs.
The weakest of the weak…!
Aren't you all excited?
"Hold your horses, princess. We have no real grasp on our current combat capability. In our cursed personas, that is. This would've been a piece of cake for the regular me. Yup, no problem at all… "
"There's only one way to find out. Besides, if we can't manage even these things, what hope do we have of completing the task we've been given? We need to test the waters somehow!"
We must gauge how close we are to achieving our ultimate goal.
Or rather, how much help we'll need in order to stand a chance in this career.
"Okay, okay. Man-up time. Judging by my class, my primary goal should be to deal damage, right?"
No, the priestess should definitely be doing the most damage in a party. With her bare fists, no less.
Did this guy's brain shut down? Can I, now a young and defenseless priest girl, really rely on this clueless man?
A crippling wave of anxiety washed over me like never before.
As these thoughts were going through my head, our first enem- I mean, target, appeared.
"Alice, I present to you-my admirable and reliable side!"
He said, flaring his mantle while slinging his fancy crossbow and searching his quiver for some specific bolt.
"Behold, [Bait Shot]!"
The bolt landed a couple meters in front of the frog, who stared down at it.
Is it working?
Sprinting up close to the distracted foe, he readied his killer blow!
"Take this, [Piercing Shot]!"
Spurrgk.
An extra-heavy, extra-fast iron bolt lodged itself deep in the toad.
Perhaps he isn't so hopeless after all.
"Did you see that! Did you see!? I totally nailed it's weak point for massive damage!"
…
From five whole meters away, no less.
I'm pleased to see the toad immobilized by the attack…
However, I do also remember Kazuma-san telling me a story where similar events took place-
"You might want to step away from the frog, just in case-"
"Huh? Oh shi-"
THACK.
… Right, that's exactly what happened next in the story.
The toads' thick fat layer makes them immune to most physical attacks and thus deceptively easy targets to beginners.
It's time for me to step up the game as well.
I shot the creature a threatening glare. It looked lazily back at me with its googly eyes.
...Damn, it's just impossible to take seriously.
I can only see it as a big, living meal.
The experience points are negligible.
Hurry up and become boobs!
Just as I was having these deep thoughts with my arms crossed and nodding at my brilliant mental musings, I suddenly found myself staring down the throat of said toad.
"Oi, princess! Move it or lose it!"
And staring out of said throat was the once dignant prince.
All I have to do is deftly dodge to the side a dozen paces or so and-
Ahhh…?
Suddenly, time seems to have slowed down during this life or death, fight or flight moment.
Except I'm the only slow one here.
As my side leap had barely carried me six inches, I managed to catch the side of my face on the toads incoming tongue attack.
It feels like having my face licked by a huge dog.
With about a hundred times the amount of slobber. Plus a smell worse than that one time when I got attacked by skunks in the back garden.
And it's seeping into every corner of my clothes!
This…
This toad!
Is SO dead.
… Right?
I landed only a few paces in the direction I had lept.
I prepared for this, damn it. I've made clear plans in my head for dealing with these despicable creatures.
Yet here I am, at immediate risk of being humiliated literally right in front of this crappy prince.
My staff is really not meant as an offensive weapon after all, but it can-
"Eat this you miserable mound of boob-goop!"
Just as I was about to be swallowed, I shoved my staff into its mouth sideways, rendering it unable to close, and yanked it's victim free.
"Let me get some more shots in!" he cried as he hit the ground running.
So far the only thing we've learned here is that bolts do next to nothing.
That isn't stopping Revi from trying though-
At least he got it's attention off of me long enough to do a gear check.
Dripping in slime, check.
Missing my staff, check.
Having genocidal thoughts, check.
More than well-equipped to end this nonsense!
Ignoring my class limitations current stats, I drew my family's divine sword and-
-Handed it to the confused prince-archer-but-not-really-either.
"I am currently indisposed by toad slime, so do something useful and kill it."
"Why me!? I'm not a knight so I don't have any sword skills either."
"Our stats are equally bad but our bodies aren't-unless you've been a girl this whole time, that is. Look, remember this thing called 'chivalry'? That's right, I'm the damsel in distress and you have to save me!"
Kazuma-san kept complaining about how girls abuse their gender only when it's convenient.
Now is one of those times.
"...I see. Leave it to me then, princess! I'll let it have a taste of Prince Charming's wrath!"
"Oh, and don't get any slime on the sword or I'm going to bill Elroad for the year long mystic polishing treatment. "
"...Right" he said with only a slight crack of his voice.
Later.
"How did it come to this. How do they even manage to smell this bad?"
"If you didn't fail to kill a single toad with the aid of a legendary sword of myths and your expensive crossbow, and get eaten twice, you wouldn't smell so bad."
In the end, I had to resort to using the occult magic of beating it for half an hour straight with my staff.
"I see, I miscalculated. Next time I won't use the cheapest, bulk rate bolts even on the weakest of mobs. I'll have to use the two Eris a bolt models with actual heads rather than the cheaper practice ones."
"...Excuse me?"
Revi stopped walking towards the bathhouse and looked at me.
"Bolts are consumables, it only makes financial sense to use the most expedient ones to accomplish the task at hand."
Financial sense? Arguably yes; common sense? Hell no.
"I see, that Ravi is a stingy bastard who sells dignity for money. Look forward to the sword polishing bill."
"...Have you ever even verified that such an expensive process is necessary? Did you ever take out bids? Whatever, I accepted your terms when I took the sword. I won't make such a verbal contract again."
As we stood in the roadway glaring at each other, a high voice snapped us out of our conversation.
"Just as I masterfully predicted! You two are completely hopeless. Wahahahaha!"
Indeed, there sitting, playing with some kitten with some kind of sucker in her mouth, was that jailbait girl we rejected not an hour before.
She smiled at us like a predator to its prey, and it gave us chills.
"I know you two are filled with vengeance; so, want to make a deal with the devil?"
She said, standing up.
"Come one, come all, It's time for fried toad and I'm hungry!"
"Eeeek!"
Being the kind gentleman he is, Revi happily volunteered to bait the toad for us.
Just watch him scream and shout in excitement!
I mean, he's surprisingly good at running away. Perhaps he used to do it a lot.
"Wawawawa heeeeeeeeeeelp!"
…No worries, I gave him an elementary speed buff.
"Is that all you could find? One, two three four...nine? I suppose that will make a double quest set!"
Komekko was raring to go, eyes flaring along with her cape.
"You all look….delicious!" she said and wiped her drool on her sleeve.
If I were a toad-which I'm happy that I'm not-I would run at once upon hearing that.
"Hah, hah, hah, ..I-I made it...gah"
As Revi arrived with the toad train in tow gasping, I couldn't help but think the toads suddenly seemed much more ominous than I remembered. Not that I'd ever be frightened of mere toads, never!
"Komekko..Komekko-chan? They seem to be getting quite close now...um… "
I wasn't concerned in the least.
But I was prepared to book it at a moments notice.
"First you have to say the prayer! To me, the fire devil!"
Ridiculous! How dare she tempt a holy princess with her unholy, black magic-
"Please just do it Komekko I don't want be swallowed or used as bait again!"
-but those toads are getting dangerously close.
Fine, I'll give in and…
Wait, prayer to a devil? How in the world should I know what that might sound like!?
Maybe I can make one up? What did Megumin-san always say before an explosion?
"I appreciate your loyalty, Ravi-san! Unfortunately, the devil isn't pleased with your prose. Please try again."
"Ahem! I-"
Based on my fuzzy memories, I started,
"Black… darkness, darkness so black and dark… Uhm… I, with my crimson… beg for thy… almighty awakening! Shroud this… yellow…? No, white, world with… destruction and let the prince-No! I mean, kings of myriad worlds… distort the… boundaries? Of! Creation and destruction… oh wait I just said that… Whatever! Please ascend from… the arcane abyss, devil of fire, vengeance manifest, apocalypse incarnate… !"
Jailbait of annoyance, I added, silently.
"Beautiful! The pacing, the abstraction… The devil is well-pleased! Watch, watch as your enemies transform into smouldering ash!"
… Smouldering ash?
Forget the toads, as long as we don't turn into ash, I'd be very thankful-
Please no explosion, please no explosion, please no explosion…
"[FIREBALL]!"
"?!"
Wasn't that just intermediate magic?
Is that really enough for this kind of a crowd?!
Wait, she did mention something about intermediate magic before but…
Just as I was thinking about kneecapping Revi as sacrifice for my escape…
"[Fireball]! [Fireball]s and more [fireball]s!"
Komekko started launching fireballs like a bubble gun.
The cascade of pure fireball quickly engulfed the toads in flames.
"What is going on here?"
Revi was right.
There was no way a child like her could hold enough mana to achieve this, which means…
"You liking my fireworks show so far?"
"Um… Komekko-chan! We appreciate your help but…!"
"No problem! I'm only doing what I'm best at! [Fireball]!"
And as promised, all the remaining toads were quickly reduced to smouldering ash.
"... how are we supposed to sell the meat if all the toads are burnt to ashes…"
"Ravi! Isn't your wallet heavy enough yet!? We have bigger things to worry about than the stupid toads!"
Like, for example, this little girl who might actually be a demonspawn.
It'd be good news for us if she is in fact thousands of years old.
Who knows if she isn't yet another puppet Regina-sama's using to toy with us?
"The contract has been completed! Thank you for doing business with yours truly. Now, will you let me join your party? Hint hint, the fire devil will not take no for an answer!"
"Right, we'll talk about this later. For now, we're going to take a bath and calm down. You can meet us in the guild hall afterwards."
I started escap-walking back. Revi tugged my sleeve as he followed.
"... Are you sure you're okay with her, princess? I'm… I don't want to do this kind of business…!"
"Hold up, where do you think you two are going? We're a party now, we have to stick together you know? And why talk later if we could talk now?"
I thought she couldn't bait us.
I tried to not get baited.
I begged her to not bait us.
...And we were baited anyway.
Having finished the quest, the three of us headed back to town towards the baths.
"We're going straight for food after this, okay?"
Yes, Ms. Devil, we don't have a choice.
Still, we're about to enter a public bath with a 10-year-old… at least supposedly.
Claire would have a stroke just thinking of it. Out of happiness, that is.
As we scrubbed, rinsed and got in to soak, I couldn't help but wonder.
What part of this girl was ten years old?
"Alice is staring at me… In a creepy way."
Oops.
Don't look at me with those suspicious eyes!
I'm not Claire!
I don't have those proclivities.
It's just-
"How old are you, really?"
Komekko paused at my question.
"Mentally, factually, historically… Ph-physically."
I whispered the last one; though I doubt she understood me.
She sighed before responding.
"I know ten years is what I've been telling everyone, but the truth is alarming and uncanny. No one would have believed it if I told them…"
Oh boy, 2000 year old demon right here. Called it.
"It dates all the way back to when I was born. Us crimson demons have always had our own ways about things. We had our own culture, our own set of laws, different ideals… That said, one of the most major differences between our society and the townspeople's is the way we keep dates."
Go on, go on! Show that you're not truly 10!
"While the popular standard is to define a year as 365 sundowns and sunrises, our ancestors have thoughtfully considered many other factors such as the gyration of the sun, the periodic shifts in the magic field, the turning of the moon…"
"So that in the end, a year was carefully calculated to be exactly 361 days!"
Huh? How does that relate to your being a devil of ancient?
"You can probably guess from there on. When they celebrated my 10th birthday at the guild, I was really… 11, by my native standards."
Ohh! That explains… next to nothing.
Why does such a trivial and idiotic system even exist!?
It's worse than Elroad's economic model!
"And so, the restaurant discount for ages 10 and below that I've been enjoying all this time was in fact invalid. Of course, I didn't tell anyone… and neither should you! This is classified information, alright!?"
And another thing…
"Also, you look awfully fit for a backliner. If I didn't know better, I'd say you look more like a scout or thief rather than archwizard."
Looking awkward for the first time, she replied.
"Ah.. see, um. There are reasons for that. It's not really important for now. It's nothing bad I swear, I just have my own way and aesthetic you know? Crimson Demons value the visuals as much as victory, sometimes more. To Komekko here, being cool means striking an intimidating form with your well trained body! The physical manifestation of both your power and will."
I see, I get it.
This girl has been influenced by someone she admires. How cute!
It reminded me of Big Boss…
Speaking of whom, I can kind of understand her sensitivity towards being called a loli now.
Just as I was deep in thought-
"Muwahahah!"
The girl stood up abruptly and struck a menacing pose, swinging her arms wide and flexing them.
"Gaze upon my magnificent, demonic form you thankless little girl, and be amazed!"
She spoke in the deepest voice she could muster.
"And, just like that, he… fufufu~" she said smiling at some cherished memory.
Whoever it was had clearly been a weirdo.
Clearly her family had not kept a close enough eye on on this girl.
Someone really ought to.
Such a pure girl clearly needed to be protected.
It's not that I've been swept up in some kind of hypnotic aura around her or anything.
"Ahh… you only get to appreciate being clean after getting all dirty. Are you two ready to go?"
Waiting for us at the entrance, Revi looked like he had fully recovered from his ordeal.
Maybe he wasn't as fragile as I had thought.
"Ahh, Alice, can we stop by the post exchange? I want to send a letter back to the weapons lab and tell them to develop a special bolt that can violently explode after embedding itself deep inside the target. That will show those toads who's the boss."
Or maybe he's willing to spend national funds on toad genocide.
"We already have something for that and it's called being a wizard. Look, please refrain from going ballistic after choosing the wrong class. We need to get to the guild and report the quest results-" I said, turning to the girl at my side.
"-Right after we register Komekko-chan as a party member of course. It's only fair that we complete the deal with the little devil, right? N-not that she carried us… "
"Ehhh?!"
That's right.
I remember what it was like not to have a party.
To be alone without any playmates.
How could I have forgotten such a thing?
Once upon a time, a weak adventurer risked his all to keep a princess from feeling alone.
How could I let such a child be?
She was good at putting on a show but-
This girl must be every bit as lonely in her own way.
"Really!? Awesome! Alice-san is the best! I'll finally get to have some alone time to go adventuring with someone of my age instead of being surrounded by the entire guild at all times…!"
… Right?
Now that she mentioned it, what would we do if all the adventurers hunted us down?
No, there's no need to worry.
I'm a princess.
Not a spoiled little girl whom people call "princess" simply to make her feel special, but a strong-willed, battled-hardened, responsible real princess!
If I can't even convince my own people that I'm good-natured, I've already failed my original identity.
After all, I'm unlike that wreck of a prince.
"Yes, truly...I was mistaken before miss Komekko. I think we should gladly accept your august presence...I-if you don't mind?"
Case in point; swaying faster than Aqua-sama when offered booze.
But the point stands; we must take the risks and include Komekko in our party!
"C'mon, let's get the paperwork done, have a nice meal as a party with the rest of the adventurers, then find a place to stay for the night."
I said, giving my most welcoming smile.
"Eh? You don't have a place booked yet? I hate to say this, but due to a Axis cult convention, all the inns in town will be booked solid for the next week."
!
I know we are newbie adventurers and all, but I wanted to avoid sleeping in the stables surrounded by manure. Looking at Revi, he definitely agrees with me.
"Uwaaa, those green faces. I see, the alternative doesn't appeal to you then. Well… My sister and her family live in something of a mansion, I'm sure I could…"
"Sorry, but no, we wouldn't dream of imposing."
I mean, come on, just how big a charity case must we seem at this point?
"It's unfortunate, but it seems we have no choice to spend the night amongst detritus and parasites. I suppose this was unavoidable given the current lifestyle, but in the end I-"
"AHA!"
The loli smacked her hand into her palm in the classic 'i just got an idea' motion, and smiled that predator grin of hers.
"It's fine so long as you are not imposing right? Ok, I just remembered something. Just follow me after dinner, ok?"
Unlike the food we were used to eating, the options at the Adventurer's Guild were less than stellar.
Still they tasted amazing because they were bought with our own reward money.
All of us, written on our faces and our laughter as we told and retold and embellished the story of our conquest to each other and to the tables nearby.
For once, we could feel the same feeling as the other adventurers and bask in the same mood.
I, who had always dreamed of this.
Revi, who had stumbled into it.
Komekko, who had always been a privileged spectator, rather than a participant.
We all belong here now.
As adventurers.
Adventurers, who struggle and cry and laugh as they shake the mud off and-just sometimes-manage to accomplish something grand.
This rowdy bunch, this city of beginnings-
I'm starting to see why they never left, even after accomplishing so much. When even the cost of a mansion or two became trivial and they could do as they pleased…
-Those were my thoughts as we left the guild, fed, happy and gabbing about everything and nothing.
Although, I couldn't help but also notice Vanir-san berating a drunk, petite, pink-haired girl across the hall.
I guess not everyone felt the same way.
Our new crimson friend led us across town under the dimming sky. As the magic lamp posts sparked to life, we came upon a large estate draped in shadows.
Komekko stopped in front of the wrought iron security gate, then spun around smiling.
"What a large mansion, this would almost fit in Elroad. Are we planning to break in? I must warn you, I don't have any thief skills, and would generally prefer not getting arrested."
Well, he's right. It would be better not to call attention to ourselves.
Besides, I know this place. This was the very mansion in which I did all kinds of… chivalrous thievery (lol) with Big Boss.
The memories were great while they lasted, but why are we…
Komekko then produced a set of keys from one of her mantle's many pockets, and proceeded to open the gate.
Oh…
Oh dear…
What?!
"K-komekko? Why do you have the keys to this place?" I said in a cold sweat.
"They were something I found in my sisters closet. The address is engraved on them so I found this place about a week later."
Sister!? Closet!? Wait, this girl…
Could she be…
"So, ever since this place has been my personal hideout and playhouse!"
"Komekko! This house holds much more significance than just your playhouse! Tell me, who is your sister? Do you know a girl called Megumin? Is she your sister!?"
"Whoa whoa, too fast! Yes, it is I, the greatest archwizard of Axel… 's little sister Komekko! I know this fact might be very shocking and you might be wanting an autograph, but please save any questions for later. Let's head inside first."
As I passed through the familiar doors, I could see the real estate board was still attending to the upkeep.
I'm guessing the royal accounts are still being billed for it.
"Why is such a estate obviously unoccupied like this? Well, aside from some furniture and….what is this stuff?"
"Ahh, like I said, this has been my playhouse right? This is where I brought all the interesting things I found since I came to this town."
Spread throughout the large main hall of the former "Masked Thieves Subgroup" headquarters and hideout were various oddities and toys.
And there's the massive list of invitations we made.
The nostalgia is overwhelming. I need to sit down.
"O-oi! Alice? You look like you just saw a ghost!"
I wouldn't mind meeting the ghosts of our younger selves.
"Ahh, there isn't much here, but let me get you something to drink!"
I crashed onto the couch to calm my nerves. It felt soft as ever.
Her sister's keys huh?
A crimson demon huh?
In Axel?
It should have been obvious…
I had written off the resemblance to general clan similarities.
As I looked at the girl in question bringing me a glass of water, looking at me with a face full of concern, I couldn't help but feel that our positions were somewhat reversed.
Looks like I'm 'Big Boss' now, right?
Heh…
I leaned back on the couch and sighed.
...At my left hand is an OP loli.
...At my right hand is a friendless politician who has zero experience in communicating with 99.5% of the population.
Stop, you're making yourself feel old!
Most importantly, we have a place to sleep now.
I can't believe all of this happened in one day.
Speaking of which, what exactly did happen?
I came to Axel, bought gear, found a… "party" (lol), then killed-or rather, watched a little girl kill several toads.
In short, I'm bottomscoring. Is this what it means to be 'carried'?
Princess Dark+Angel would have done so much more… wouldn't she?
Or would she have been as useless as me?
Come to think of it, did my years of education make any difference at all?
Am I really just a regular girl without my skills?
Why is it that I'm still the one to be saved rather than the savior that I wish to become?
Listening to stories sheltered in the castle really didn't prepare me for this at all.
In the end, that prince did more with his money than I with my… anything.
Though compared to the demonic little girl, we were both dead weight.
Someone blessed by heritage, and raw talent.
Did you set this up, Regina-sama?
I get it.
I'm not dense.
….
But it still hurts.
….
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow will be different!
The real debut of the stunningly average adventurer Alice!