Archaic Records of this Bastard Goddess!

by LordVTP

Kazuma and Megumin are due to marry. A confused Princess Iris encounters a banished goddess, who unleashes a wicked curse upon her. But this might give her a chance to finally live out her dreams. Princess Iris goes on an adventure!

3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - A Newbie Dungeon for this Newbie Demon!

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Part 1

---

Eventually, morning came.

My first experiences of sleeping outside of my own bedroom haven't been so bad.

Today will be very productive. We'll get all the housework done, turn this playhouse into a proper home and then go frag some big monsters to powerlevel!

….

As soon as I drag myself out of bed, of course.

….

Being a princess, I must be the first one up to make sure everyone else is safe and sound.

I will then surprise them with my… non-existent cooking skills. Hmm, I've run into some problems already.

"Oi, you lazy princess...get your butt up or we are going to eat without you!"

!?

I opened my eyes for the first time of the day after being rudely yelled at by Revi.

...and immediately closed them again after having them directly blasted by mid-noon sunlight.

"Shut up! Princesses don't rush to eat unlike you barbarians. I have some morning scheming to do, so leave me alone! Sheesh!"

Not having Claire wake me up early in the morning clearly has its downsides.

"Uwaa….Alice-san's hairstyle is so expressive and cool! I'm jealous!"

"Indeed, it's almost as if she's never not had anyone to comb it for her after waking before," Revi said with a grin.

Urk.

It's not that I don't know how to get myself ready; I let others do it for me only because I can. Mhmm, that's right.

I was merely used to having maids around. I promise I can be independent! I… promise…!

As I sat mannerly on the couch, Komekko took a comb and started to...

"...Hey, a prin-*cough* older girl knows how to take care of her own hair. There's no need to…"

"Shh! The devil has been inspired by your artistic hairstyle. She will now proceed to work her magic."

Ain't I supposed to be the boss here?

Or at least the older one?

Still, the way she does it feels kind of...nice.

"T-thanks Komekko. So, ready for breakfast?"

"Lunch, actually."

---

An hour later-

-We're eating at a street vendor's again.

"Seconds, please!"

Our devil didn't disappoint, but the vendors all seem familiar with her, never failing to pile up her portions higher.

About that household stuff…

"Ok, we need household items, kitchen utensils and dishes, new tablecloth, proper bed sheets, carpets, stock the pantry, toiletries, a few vases of flowers for decoration and cleaning supplies….what else? Hmmm…"

I said putting an index finger to my mouth.

"...That seems like an awful lot of stuff for one trip and three people, Alice."

"...If this devil dares, would your budget allow for a delivery option? The market association runs a courier, delivery cart service for all the shops, which delivers to all of Axel, you know?"

Ah, that does seem like a good option really, else we may be running laps all day.

"Sounds like a plan...hmm…."

Not really following what happened after that, I nonchalantly took out my adventurer's card to...study it, update it?

Not because I just wanted to admire it or anything!

"Ahh, Alice-san, I know the fried potatoes here are quite good, but even a devil finds drooling on them in bad manners you know?"

Really though.

It really is pretty cool.

Ehehe…

Eh?!

My Card! It's ….what is this?

First, I noticed I had gone up two levels. Second, a blinking notification of some kind was piquing my interest.

Curiously touching it, the small menu changed from available skills to… A class change option?

Next to it was a drawn little ":p". This is the first time I've seen anything like that…

Very cute, but also somewhat concerning.

"Battle-Priest?"

"Hmmm?"

Revi looked at me inquisitively, but I simply gave him one of my trademark princess smiles. He rolled his eyes and went right back to eating.

Suddenly, I feel being watched.

Watched by a very powerful being, good or bad.

Am I about to make a contract with a devil?

Am I about to become the subject of some sacrificial ritual!?

…

Meh, I'm overthinking this.

Click!

Instantly, I felt something inside me…shift.

Like grafting a new limb onto your body, I gained an awareness of great depth I simply didn't have before.

I closed my eyes, and let it flow through me…

When I opened them again, I saw the changes reflected on the card.

Job - Battle Priest

Class Skills - Akashic Discharge, followed by several more skill slots labelled with question marks.

After that are my regular priest skills; although, 'spell break' and 'purification' are missing.

Akashic Discharge…

All I have to say is that… the new skill seems quite interesting.

---

Part 2

---

"Yes receptionist-san, we would like to take that quest."

"Are you certain? N-not that I'm discouraging you! It's just that… it was posted nearly a year ago and nobody has taken it yet."

We immediately located the most experience rewarding quest.

The quest involves getting rid of a major goblin breeding ground near a farm in the outskirts.

But because the goblins are only active a few times a year and only one or two farms are ever annoyed by them, the bounty is very little.

"Absolutely! The devil has grown past mortal desires and now seeks spiritual hardening. Right Alice? Right Ravi?"

Says the kid who just ate three whole chickens for breakfast-I mean, lunch.

Though I do admit that I'm eager to try out my new, literally godsent skill.

I'm just not sure if I'm ready to get hurt yet-

Moments later.

"Us walking out in the wilderness looking for things to kill. Why does this give me deja vu? If it goes like before, someone is about to miss 10 shots in a row… "

"Sh-shut up, healer. That's right, you can't even do damage now! Besides, we're not exactly alone either."

We're also not without a clear destination this time. As long as nothing supernatural appears out of nowhere, we should be able to handle everything with ease.

"Fufufu! Death to goblins! Take this! [Fireball]! [Lightning]! Haaa!"

…Besides, we have this unholy girl on our side now.

Komekko is already putting on a show by unleashing magic upon guilty rocks and tree stumps in the vicinity.

P-please save some for the goblins, Komekko-chan?

"Now, everyone listen. If we learned anything from yesterday's humiliating defeat, it's that we need to strategize and to never underestimate our enemies."

After arriving at the site of interest, I began to discuss with a serious face.

"D-defeat? But… I only remember killing toads quickly with my epic magic! I totally don't remember anything about you two coming back to town all drenched in slime or anything! Hey… what's with that look… okay, fine, I'm sorry I brought that up! Carry on, geez..."

Revi and I unanimously stared daggers at the stupid demon.

"Well then. So, as I've mentioned, we need to strategize. First, Ravi will shoot, with his new and upgraded skills, at the goblins to wound them."

Revi hungrily pounced on the opportunity to strike a cool pose.

Or what he thought was a cool pose. Just wait you spoiled child, don't think it's gonna end nicely for you.

"After his… penetrable line of defense, Komekko will use her powerful magic to take care of the stragglers. Even if that ends up not being enough, worry not, for I…"

"Hey, why didn't you pause and wait for me, the great devil, to strike an even better pose?"

I was clenching my teeth at this point.

"I will use my new damage reflecting skill to punish the final goblins. Is that clear!? Do your duties well and I won't have to sacrifice my own well-being!"

I wanted to have a dramatic finish to reveal my honorable, sacrificial strategy.

In truth, I never really wanted to get hurt. I chose this order specifically because I know there's no way that demonspawn can fail at killing goblins.

"So, let's get it on the road, Ravi!"

"Yes ma'am! I mean, yes, your High-Ahem no, I really mean: yes, my darling! [Scatter shot]!"

I wasn't even mad when he called me "ma'am", but I am now after his two corrections.

Though, I chose to stay mature and not throw a tantrum. Boys are boys, after all.

Damn it, Komekko, wipe that stupid grin off your face!

"Bullseye! Targets eliminated!"

Wait.

What?

"... Which one? You used 'scatter shot', didn't you?"

"All of them, darling!"

In slight disbelief, I looked across the field…

… To see a dozen dead goblins.

Now, I understand that we've improved since the last quest, but this is ridiculous.

Either something was done to his bolt, or goblins are in fact much weaker to piercing damage than… oh of course.

"Don't slack off so soon, more are coming!"

"Yes, my-"

"And call me by my name for Eris sake!"

"Yes, my loyal companion and healer, Alice Steelish-Spade!"

"[Freeze Gust]~"

"[Scatter shot], [Scatter shot]!"

With a single ice magic spell from Komekko, the entire assaulting group of goblins became sitting ducks to Revi's onslaught of arrows.

"And…all dead, Alice!"

When did this guy get so… obnoxious?

… No. He's clearly trying to tease me into submission.

I must resist and smile…

He's resorted to treating me harshly in an attempt to invoke some tsundere behavior in me.

Revi turned around smugly and saluted.

Following suit, Komekko also shrugged and looked at me triumphantly despite not having moved a finger.

… How did it turn out this way?

How come I ended up being the only one to not gain exp?

"Hmmph…"

Wait, I recognize that look in his eyes.

Now he's preparing to hear some highly tsundere conclusion from me.

He's expecting me to act nonchalant and snobbish.

Well then, Prince, your play is about to get hard-countered.

"Hmm, wow, you were amazing, Ravi! Those skills you learned really paid off! Respect!"

…His look did not change at all.

I hate him.

Now that I have a clearer idea of how weak goblins really were, I quickly drafted a new plan.

This intricate, well-thought out plan involves everyone simply charging in and killing as many goblins as possible.

"Thanks for demonstrating your impressive skills, Ravi. I'm sure Komekko-chan here is very eager to use hers as well!"

This way, I might be able to put my skills to use as a healer, in case they get too greedy and injure themselves.

"So, let's turn on the offensive and quickly sweep the trash! I'll be here to heal you, so don't hold back!"

"Wahaha! Feel the doom descending upon you!"

I should feel bad for sending a loli into battle, but I don't.

In fact, I kind of want her to get hurt and then come beg me for healing. That'll show her who's really in charge of this party.

"Take this! [Piercing shot]! [Flametip]! [Explosive rain]!"

"Those aren't even skills are they!? You're just using your fancy rich-kid arrows!"

"Haaaaya! [Fiyaball]!"

…

What was I thinking!? How could this literal demon possibly get hurt by mere goblins!?

I must take matters into my own hands if I want to extract any experience from this.

Without notifying the other two, I quietly flanked behind the frontline to tackle a few lone goblins.

… With, of course, my trusty staff.

Coming to think of it, it's really quite ridiculous that a princess has to beat goblins with a healer's staff to steal exp from her own teammates.

"[Fireball]! Burn in hell! Hahaha!"

"Yeah! Great one, Komekko! Here's something I would like to try…"

"[Lightning]! Ooh? The demon is interested!"

"Whoa! That almost hit me! Careful!"

… Those two are getting along awfully well together. I wonder if my absence will ultimately lead to my own alienation…!?

No, I must be overthinking. I just have to bash some goblins and focus on leveling up for now.

This is only our first quest together, nothing much can happen, can it?

"... Do it now!"

"Okay! [Tinder]!"

"[Barrage]! Wow, it worked! Look at that deathly stream of flaming arrows!"

"Yay~~! The devil loves this trick!"

No, something must be happening between them. I have to…

Grrrrrr..

---

Part 3

---

Did I just groan out loud?

I can't be that bothered, can I? I mean…

Grrrrrrowl…

No, that definitely wasn't me.

As a healer, I had decided to learn the enemy detecting skill to stay safe. Now seems to be a great time to use it…!

"[Detect enemy]...!?"

… Oh right, I remember being taught the preying habits of rookie killers.

They symbiotically follow goblins around and hunt down any rookies trying to...

But, there had to have been close to two hundred goblins in this place.

Would it even be possible for a rookie killer to herd such a large group?

Maybe it was looking for an opportunity to bag a group that got seperated?

"Everyone! Retreat! There's a rookie killer coming for us!"

I shouted as I ran towards the two children playing without a care in the world.

"Homing arrow-what!? Oh crap, I didn't put any points into mobility at all!"

"Rookie killer? But I'm no rookie! I'm a devil! Stare into my crimson eyes and feel the fear-hey! Put me down!"

I hastily casted speed and strength buffs on Revi and myself, picked up the demon and ran for our lives.

"Alice! We can't outrun this thing! We have to either divert it or kill it!"

"Why don't you shoot it instead of stating the obvious!? This could end in much worse ways than merely getting slimed up!"

"I can't take aim while running! Ah, ah it's gaining on me! Help!"

A rookie killer is certainly a great source of exp, but if we get killed by it…

… Ridiculous. If I still had my skills, a single Exterion would have shown it who's boss.

"[Lightning]!"

With a bang, an arc of electricity came out from Komekko's hand and struck the rookie killer.

...

"That is why you let the devil go!"

Right, we do still have a trump card.

But the rookie killer was merely stunned.

It was smoking and disoriented and smelling delicious but most definitely not incapacitated.

And a quick glance at the woods told me there was worse news than that.

"Th-there are… several more staring at us."

Ahh…

I get it now.

How does a rookie killer herd two hundred goblins?

Just add more rookie killers and the equation is balanced.

"How dare you stay alive after being smitten by the devil herself!? Anger me more and you shall receive hell's most twisted torment!"

"Komekko, Iris, hold it back for as long as you can. I'll go look for help! …If I can!"

Don't use my real name, idiot! And do you have this little trust in our demon-wizard!?

Huddling together, it quickly became apparent we were surrounded.

This is rapidly spinning out of hand!

The lightning from earlier must have alerted pretty much every animal in the forest.

It's only reasonable that other rookie killers would come and claim their slice of the pie.

"Ravi, break out the best bolts you got, Komekko, you ready to bring the fire and thunder!?"

"The devil will not forgive this transgression, and will dine on the roasted entrails of-"

The devil, however, was sweating profusely, and breathing noticeably harder.

So even her mana reserves have a limit?

Slowly, with our backs to each other, we moved towards a large boulder, to deny the circling cats a complete envelopment.

What to do?

We don't actually have a front line fighter do we?

This was not a circumstance I've ever had to consider in depth.

Focus, Iris!

I ran through my list of options, and began casting mass buffs onto the three of us.

"[Empower], [Haste], [Resist]!"

Just as three of the beasts started moving inwards on us…

"[Lightning]!"

An arc from each hand lashed out, striking down two of the encroachers.

Wait, two!?

I won't begin to try to understand how that humanly was possible.

"[ScatterShot, Acid Bolt]!"

I'm going to guess those are the expensive ones.

Another foe got turned into a pincushion, but instead of shrugging the arrows off as expected, it started thrashing around on the grass like mad.

"Let's see you shrug off that acid, it can liquify bone!" he cried out triumphantly.

"Oi, how many more of those do you have, by chance?"

"I got a hefty discount of a whole 15 % off, on a set of three..."

Yeah, that's what I thought.

With my constant buffing, Revi's arrows were doing damage, but were a rapidly diminishing asset.

"The devil has had enough of this, pay for your insolence, [Hellfire]!"

Placing a hand to her mouth as if to breath fire, she did exactly that!

A rushing roar, a fwooooosh of hot air, as our devil turned dragon with a sweeping arc of flame catching several more of the rookie killers by surprise.

"Nice, way to go Komekko!"

Shouted the prince as he madly went about reloading his fancy bow however-

"Gwarrr!"

Out from the wall of flames leapt another rookie killer, clearly gunning for Revi!

"Watch out!"

I cried out, but the big cat was too fast.

Its clawed swipe just missed taking his head off but…

"Gywaaaa!"

His right arm was gashed open!

"Revi!"

I rushed to him, swinging my staff in a wide arc straight at its face.

!

And its face went splat with a wet sound.

"A-alice….that light.."

It covered me like a prismatic sheet, and faded moments later…

"Just shut up and let me heal you."

"K-Komekko-sama, are you sure you can't draw some extra mana from the pits of hell or whatever? We kind of need it to survive this encounter…"

What I wouldn't give for a Teleport right now.

As I worked to cast my healing magic, I could sense an intense stare.

The little would be devil was looking at us both with an expression I'd never dreamt to see on her adorable face.

Coming to some resolution, she turned away , looking into the flames.

"...I'm sorry, but it seems the devil must break her contract."

...Huh?

What?!

"I picked this quest, then shamelessly wasted my mana showing off. I even managed to drag you two into this... When these flames die, the rookie killers will swamp us...so..before that."

Her eyes flared brilliantly..

"I'm going to use my ultra secret, ultra coolest most demonic powers to force an opening!"

Oi, little girl, saying such things won't make you stronger!

"...and I want you two to run away as fast as you can."

This twerp can't be serious!

And….and…..

….Why are Revi's eyes going all sparkly as he looks at her!?

I'm the princess here! I'm the one who should be getting us out of here, I'm the one who should be saving us, I'm-

"Darkness of the pit, Hero of Hell's storm, Lord of Ash and suffering!"

Her eyes glowing radiantly, a flaming pentagram appeared before her-

Whoa, I've never learned much magic, but pentagrams usually show up only around the Demon King's armies…!

T-this is?!

"Heed my call and fulfill our blood contract!"

-And with that, she took a small knife and slit her palm.

"Please, answer my prayer and help me protect my friends!"

This… is the same ritual those demons performed before demon generals arrived!

"Join your strength to mine, Hoost!"

Please just be chuuni please just be chuuni please just be chuuni.

"Komekko! Are you possessed!? Shake your head if you are being held hostage by some evil spirit! Nod if- Look out!"

A rookie killer dove through the dying flames straight at her -

I closed my eyes reflexively at the intensity of the moment.

GASHUNK

Then I heard a very disgusting and violent noise.

"Komekko! Ko-!?"

Lying before her was a headless rookie killer. There were shreds of meat all around Komekko, but I frankly don't wish to figure out what exactly had happened.

Blood spewing all over her as she took up a fighting stance, she tossed her mantle aside, onto the ground.

T-This is?!

"Oh my Lady Eris, she chopped it right up!" screamed Revi with a cracking voice.

How?

"You picked a fight with the wrong little girl, you barbaric animals!"

I don't know what that voice sounded like, but it for sure wasn't that of a little girl's.

Bounding forward with inhuman speed, she went on the offensive, dodging, slashing, cutting the rookie killers, trees and rocks to ribbons without even touching them!

It was impossible.

It was also happening.

She's definitely possessed. No more reasonable doubt exists.

But by what kind of violent abomination?

Focusing my mana and skills, I activated a sensory perception skill.

With each stroke she made, I could see a faint shimmer of the air, a silhouette.

Massive arms, rippling with red muscle, tipped with huge adamatine claws projecting out in front of her…

"You won't leave her alone so now I will leave you somewhere alone! In hell!"

When she jumped away from their counter attacks, gigantic, thick, long legs and….a devils tail….

This girl, this wannabe chunni jailbait devil, was acting as proxy to something dangerous.

Something dangerous… and… undeniably mesmerizing.

What am I thinking!?

"Oh? You want to take a closer look? How about I bring her closer to you so you could get a real close look at your face being shredded!"

Already, a dozen or more rookie killers had fallen to her onslaught, but…

"Hah….hah...hah….."

Sweat was pouring down her face and her eyes were no longer glowing.

Her stance was already getting sloppy as the attractive-I mean, evil presence faded around her body.

I can't even imagine the kind of strain she must be enduring.

...Both magically and physically.

"Kyaaaa!"

A high pitched scream. It seems like she's back.

However, the rookie killers were far from being fully eliminated.

They encircled her with caution…

"Hah? Wha-? Why are they all around me? Alice, Ravi, help!"

"Komekko, run!" wailed the prince.

One particularly big rookie killer sprang at her, knocking her back with a body blow with it's sheer mass-

-Straight into my arms, gasping for air. She was much heavier than I thought, yet…

I stroked her blood-stained, crimson hair.

"Good work, that was unbelievably cool! Hush now...let nee-chan take care of things, okay?"

I rotated myself in front of Komekko, right before the angry rookie killers.

Revi stood by my side, his arm healed, crossbow ready.

My healing skills were already at work, but I can't do anything about her lost vitality.

As long as my healing staff works fast enough and they don't bite anywhere vital, I can probably do some good damage with the damage reflecting skill.

With Komekko out of service, it's pretty much the only way to get out of this alive.

That is, unless…

Groooowl-

The rookie killers began charging directly toward us.

"Woaahh… Megumin nee-san please come save us!"

Even with my resistance buff, this is still probably going to hurt a lot.

I closed my eyes and prayed for the best-

…

Nyaaaaaan, hissssss…

Groooowl… Nyaaa…

But nothing happened.

---

"Iris-sama, are you sure you want to skip your bath again today?"

Claire asked through the bed chamber door disappointedly.

"Indeed, my loyal guardian. Thank you for your care, even though I have come of age. That said, I will reiterate myself: I will bathe when I feel sufficiently worn. I have not been in any rigorous physical activities recently and wish to remain in the world of books for now."

I have in fact been actively rejecting training sessions lest they find out that the blue adamantite armour is missing. Luckily, I was able to retrieve it and safely store it away in Uroburos for the time being.

"U-understood, Iris-sama. Then, if I may ask, when do you plan on bathing again? You've been really into those textbooks recently; while I'm glad that you've finally become cooperative with Rain-dono, I… nevermind."

Poor Claire, all she wanted was to sniff princess Iris' hair and… perhaps do some other less speakable things with her. Unfortunately, all she'd get from this Ragcraft puppet is a pungent scent of demonic presence.

"Hmm, I do not plan on breaking from my studies for another six days; however, since I change my underwear daily, it'd be nice if you could wash them in the maids' stead. I'm sure you would do a better job than the commoners."

"Haa, haa- Thank you for your patience, princess-sama! I will do my best!"

It's easy to keep perverts busy.

And six days should be enough for them to complete their little quest. If they can't, I'll just have to fetch them back and return them to their respective nations.

Punishing them was never my intent…

Losing a few basic tames is next to nothing. I merely needed an excuse to test the mental strengths of the next generation of leaders.

---

Part 4

---

I opened my eyes to see a strange sight;

The rookie killers were chasing each other in circles.

There's also one lying belly-up, kicking its legs in the air.

"[Charm]!"

A soft and high voice said.

High as in both pitch and location.

Immediately, the kicking rookie killer suddenly leapt to its feet and charged at his friends nearby, aggressively headbutting their… well, butts.

I looked up at the source of the voice and saw…

"Wahh! You're barely wearing clothes!"

Well, what Komekko just pointed out wasn't exactly wrong. A young-looking girl wearing very skimpy lingerie hovered above us.

The girl had an arrow-shaped tail and very large bat wings. She is most likely a demon

"Quick, get Komekko out of there first. More goblins and rookie-kittens must be on their way."

A familiar, spoiled voice also came.

The bat-winged girl swiftly picked up the exhausted Komekko and flew off.

That leaves…

"Alice, quick, get on my back. We'll make it out of this… Hey, what are you- whaa!?"

I then princess-carried Revi and ran.

"Stop trying to be romantic at this dire moment! You're the one with lower mobility stats!"

It was the only way for me to carry him. I won't lie, his taller stature is hard to ignore.

Although I did dream of being princess-carried by a larger man, I'd rather die than touch this boy's spoiled, corrupt hands.

"Hey! It's about time you started respecting me a little. I'm also a valuable member of the team, so put me down!"

He's saying that, but at the same time he's not showing any signs of discomfort.

"Shut up, heavy boy! You know you're enjoying this. But fine, I can put you down and let those rookie killers carry you in their mouths."

"...H-hey! Miss demon, could you kindly lend me a lift too!?"

---

As much as I appreciate the sudden assistance, I have my doubts.

First of all, there's no chance for a demon to be outside randomly during the day.

Second of all, she's clearly a succubus. She's obviously up to no good.

But succubi usually feed on men; what could she possibly want from a group of young girls?

Unless… she's that kind of succubus.

"Um… sort of. I'm a succubus, nice to meet you all. Also, I'm not especially skilled at fighting or even an adventurer, sorry for the confusion… "

She's not even trying to hide her identity. How bold.

There's no reason to trust a succubus no matter what they did for us. Their entire existence is based around lying and manipulation.

Ignoring the awkward boy behind the succubus, I continued to ask;

"Nice to meet you, too, succubus-san! Now… why did you come to this remote farm in the middle of the day? …Nevermind that. You see, we're just humble beg-intermediate adventurers doing our quests; too busy to care about what you might have to kindly offer. So it'd be very nice if you could please leave us alone and go back to whatever the hell you were doing."

Look, I tried hard to be nice; but she's a succubus, one of the biggest enemies to women everywhere.

If I were still in my prime form, I would have slain her without question.

Hearing the aggression in my voice, even Revi put on a serious face and shifted between her and the defenceless Komekko.

"...R-Rorisa-san?"

!?

However, the little kid didn't seem intimidated in the slightest.

"You know her!?"

"Yeah! Rorisa-san is one of the succubus-es that come to feed me at the guild every day. She's great friends with- oh, nevermind. I don't know her!"

Everyone saw the succubus, apparently named "Rorisa", shake her head at Komekko in attempt to shut her up.

What dirty secrets do you have to hide?

We shot our combined, highly destructive glare of suspicion at her.

"W-whoa! Y-yes, I am Rorisa, I don't want to be here either, but… Please let me explain!"

She briefly told us the story of how she found us as we walked back for late lunch.

Apparently, she was the pink haired girl we saw at the guild last night.

While she was drinking, she saw Komekko uncharacteristically eating with a party and thus followed.

She claims that she was concerned for Komekko's safety, but I highly doubt that.

"Question seven: why were you, a succubus, drinking alcohol at the adventurers' guild?"

"Well since I l-live in that city I… have my highs and lows… "

"Why would you be living in the city?"

"Because… as you can tell, I… I work here. I'm a… waitress. At a… bakery. Uhm..."

I'm almost certain people would have noticed if a succubus was their waitress.

I would have noticed her during one of my many sneaky visits to Axel, yet…

No, something's definitely up with her.

"...If I may ask, could I join your party?"

"No!"

"Why not, Alice? She looks… like someone we could use! I mean, she doesn't sound evil and we've all seen how strong she is."

Of course you'd think that, Revi.

"No. I can't think of any safe reasons you'd want to join our party. I've never seen a single succubus in any party out of all the countless battles I've witnessed."

"Wow! Alice, where did you see all those battles!? I didn't know you were a seasoned veteran! Did you see big sis' explosions in any of them?"

Crap, I slipped.

So what? She's very unlikely to care about such minor details.

"Alice, easy, easy. Not everyone understands your metaphor. 'Succubus' in a 'battle'. Heh."

Thanks for the save, but I do not appreciate the way you did it.

"Well… if you let me join, I can show you more of those 'battles' but with real succubi! ...Only if you w-want it, that is."

Just what does she think she's getting herself into?

"Look Miss Rorisa, we don't need such service. We-"

"There are no gender restriction in dreams you know~"

Why would I care about such details!? I don't need you here and that's-

…Wait, no gender restrictions?

Does that mean I could simulate… with a guy?

A guy like… Kazuma-san…

No, no! She's a devil! You're a holy priestess! You mustn't be corrupted, Iris!

"Woah! I want to see battles! With multiple explosions! And lightnings! Mage versus mage! You have the grand crimson demon's vote, Rorisa-san!"

This stupid girl's blind enthusiasm isn't helping either.

And I don't even need to think to guess what that boy is thinking of right now.

This situation is truly Eris-sama's greatest test of faith… !

"...How about this; I'll allow you to follow us around and I'll decide if you're well-intentioned enough to join our ranks. Beware, I'm a priestess, so a single wrong move could win you a one-way ticket to Eris-sama in an instant."

"Hey, wait a minute. Since when were you the leader here? Why don't any of us get a say in the big decisions? I say we let her in ASAP! I mean, after all, we're of equal status, technically… "

Revi whispered the last part so only I could hear.

…

Technically, he's right. The prince is on par with, if not more powerful than, a princess.

"How should I put this. I am… more of a man than you. I'm actually a boy, you know. There's a reason I was so good with the… sword."

Revi instantly went silent.

Woah, a tough prince intimidated by such a silly joke?

"I'm just messing! Of course I'm a girl. How else could I have been the princess? Honestly, if you were only a little more reliable and took things seriously, I wouldn't have to carry this team… with my strategic planning."

Well, at least I tried to. I think deep down we all know that Komekko-chan was the real carry.

"Princess? Pfff, come on now, we aren't children anymore! But I won't discriminate; I wanted to be a princess too until I discovered the power of demons muahahaha! Ha, ha?"

"Ehh… Ha, haha. Yes, that's how this guy sees me. He's totally trying to impress me, just watch!"

Slipping a second time scared me for a while. In the end though, I managed to avoid the awkwardness and keep the conversation going.

"Impress you!? I told you that wasn't the reason I came to you for! I'm here to… to train…!"

Oh please, you know that you weren't.

---

Part 5

---

We decided to head back to the guild to report our findings and get some dinner.

As we made it into town and were walking down the street however…

"Oi, isn't that..."

"Isn't she's covered in blood?"

Baleful stares followed us down the street, murmurs of discontent flowed.

Well sorry for being newbies! And as for her…

Looking at Komekko, we really do look like we went through a meat grinder. As we reached the Guild I turned around to say-

"Revi, would you mind staying out here with Komekko? You both are just too messy to take inside the hall. I'll take Rorisa in and report. We'll have takeouts tonight, I guess. And Komekko-chan! Great work today! You really showed them, woohoo! Whatever you want tonight, just tell nee-chan and you'll have them!"

I said smiling as sweetly as I could manage.

"... I'm tired. I'll have what you have. And stop talking to me like that, it's weirding me out."

I suddenly felt very guilty for my attitude. I guess even Komekko isn't in the mood for light-hearted jokes this evening.

Grrrrrrrrr-

Komekko's stomach broke the silence.

I really wanted to blame someone for making her go through this, but I ended up finding nothing but my own weakness. That, and Revi in general.

"It's ok, Alice. I'll keep an eye on her." Revi said, as he ruffled her hair.

She's right, all we need is rest right now.

"Excuse me, I'd like to report on a quest! Also, on a major threat…"

Explaining the real situation and what occurred, Luna-dono went pale. Stammering effusively, she bowed to me deeply in apology.

Despite offers of an extra cash reward for dealing with the situation…

"...I'd also like to emphasize on the massive role Komekko-san played in this encounter. If anything, it'd be great if the guild could give her extra rewards."

I maintained a gentle smile while suppressing the onslaught of guilt.

Later, we officially included Rorisa into our party. But before we headed out…

"On behalf of myself and the guild staff, we would like to share our sincere apology for failing to verify the validity of quest A-17!"

… The entire staff of the guilds Axel branch was lined up before us, bowing deeply at the waist with enough takeout food for a week.

"I-I really don't think this is your fault! After all, you didn't create the quests, r-right?" Rorisa brought up an important point.

Luna-san, why are you looking so sheepish now?

" Aha...well…Truth be told, this isn't the first time that farmer has intentionally under reported the danger level to the guild… Old adventurers know his tricks, but newbies are often inexperienced and desperate enough to fall for it." She said, scratching at her cheek like Eris-sama does in some paintings of her.

…

This is a clear violation of the law. Fraudulent trade!

I need to make a mental list of people to imprison once I'm done with this mission.

"...Well, thanks! But… we really don't need this much food, there's no way we can carry it all."

"No worries, Alice-san! The guild staff will escort you home."

Luna said with a caring smile.

But something about the smile doesn't feel genuine. It's making my heart beat faster.

"Alice-san, thank you for letting me join your party… but I'll have to go home now, I have… things to do."

With that, Rorisa unfolded her wings and flew out a nearby window.

---

"...Zzzzzzzz….."

Outside the guild hall, Komekko was fast asleep, leaning against Revi's shoulder, drooling slightly.

Seeing the whole guild staff with me, Revi placed his index finger on his lips to keep us quiet.

With the still bloody Komekko on Revi's back, we headed for the mansion.

"Is it just me or are you also feeling uneasy?"

Everywhere we go, conversations would stop and people would stare at us with scrutiny.

"I… I think I'm just tired."

Can't wait to go home-

"Go now! Grab the child, I'll go for that archer!"

"What about the priestess?"

"Healers won't do crap unless you tip 'em thousands. Look at her, she hates her job!"

-!?

Before I could comprehend those sudden shouts, shadows charged straight through us…!

"Haa? Who- mmmph!"

Revi was attacked…!

"I got the kid! She's still asleep."

"I also got her! No, idiot, you took the backpack!"

"Whatever; everyone, after the dude!"

Suddenly, dozens of adventurers emerged from the roadside and piled on top of Revi.

"What did I do!? Alice, help!"

We definitely just got jumped. But why?

"Luna-san! People are attacking us! Luna-?" I tried to call for help, but the guild staff merely stood and watched from afar.

"Surround them before they can run! Don't let them get their hands on Komekko!"

Even more adventurers appeared and closed in on us!

What a scary scene to behold in the dim dusk…!

Do these people think we're kidnappers? Maybe even sexual predators!? Or are they trying to kidnap Komekko from us for some reason? D-did they find out about our true identities!?

"Where are you two from, and what are you planning to do with Komekko? Answer us, honestly!"

…They must have found out…

"I… I'm princess Iris from the capital of Belzerg, here to complete a special-"

"Pff- I said, answer honestly! Do you think this is a bloody joke!?" Their leader cut me off, holding back laughter.

Great, now I look like a mentally challenged idiot.

"We're just… normal… teenagers… trying to get into… adventuring- please let me stand up…!"

The big guys reluctantly made room to let Revi get back up.

"Adventuring, huh. You just had to snatch up this innocent girl and do this to her, right!? You can't begin to understand how important she is to Axel, to this world! Wanna know who her sister is?"

I see… They must have misunderstood the blood splattered all over her body.

"Her sister… Her sister is a psycho monster loli who flattens entire mountains for her own entertainment! Just so you know what you're up against."

… I know right!? And that guy ditched me for… Nevermind.

"Now! If you've got no excuses, we're-"

"If you're wondering about the blood… it's… not hers. It's mine." Revi said with a heavy face.

The crowd audibly gasped.

"We were taking her out to play. Poor girl just wanted to see some 'adventurer stuff'… so we thought we might as well slay some goblins for her entertainment." I played along; putting on a regretful expression.

I got your back, Revi. Just for this time, though.

"Yeah… Then… those damn rookie… killers. They were headed straight for her. As a newbie archer… what could I do but… be her shield?"

Words cannot express how much I want to puke right now.

Murmurs came from the surrounding crowd;

"Is he actually a hero? Komekko doesn't seem to be in pain…"

"To lose this much blood and make it back alive… the priestess must be crazy good!"

"I don't know man, this boy doesn't look like the kind who would protect others."

"Nah, his clothes are clean…"

Then suddenly-

"Waah!? What's going on!? Put me down!"

The devil herself woke up and spoke!

"Komekko-chan! Are you alright? Your hymen is still fine, right?"

"Tell us, what happened today? What did these two degenerates do to you!? Tell papa and they're good as dead!"

"Come give momma a hug! Momma hasn't fed you all day…"

By all that's holy, these people have a pretty unhealthy obsession with her.

"Shut up! I'm tired and I want to sleep. And eat. And sleep, in that order. Alice-san, Ravi-san, let's leave these people and move."

The crowd was shocked as she casually walked away.

"S-so, to clarify, the blood really isn't yours?"

"...No-? I killed some rookie killers and got myself dirty. Why would you think that? I'm not defenseless, you know."

Thankfully, Komekko is Based and saved me from trouble.

On the other hand, Revi's outlook isn't as good.

"...Ahh, so they didn't do anything weird to you. We just wanted to make sure you were safe."

Really? All of that threatening was for this unnecessary worry?

"Ughh! I don't want to see you guys right now! What is with this attitude!? Can't I go anywhere without twenty people constantly following me!? Yeah, sorry I lied, I'm 11 not 10. Yes you heard it, dear sweet innocent Komekko-chan is not a kid anymore. Shoo."

Wow, this is the first time I've heard Komekko speak this way. It's almost like… she's a normal person.

A normal Crimson Demon? Can you believe that?

Her sudden outburst was faced with silence.

"Muahahahahaha! My oh my, moi can already tell that tonight will be a good night. Have fun, everyone." A familiar laugh broke the silence.

What is this smug fortune teller doing here!? What does he mean by "good"!?

Nothing good can come of this, that I'm sure of.

"We're so sorry, Komekko-san! We really just wanted to keep you safe. Everyone! Show some respect to our no-longer-a-kid Komekko!"

The crowd synchronously bowed in front of what seems to be their new princess. Not an uncommon sight for me, of course~

Komekko, in response, smiled for the first time since returning.

"Anyways… This guy still lied to us though. What do we do about him?"

With a single sentence, I sent Revi back into panic mode.

"I figured ever since this shady boy came into this town. So, Lady Komekko, what shall we do about this liar?"

Komekko looked down and thought on it briefly.

I have a terrible feeling about this.

"Fuhuhu… The devil wants to hear some singing."

---

Komekko and I had a great night's sleep.

As for the other guy…

Luna-san and company escorted me back first, leaving him behind-forced to sing Crimson Demon nursery rhymes for Komekko at fist-point.

The rhymes sounded more like dark magic resurrection chants than anything else.

Nevertheless, Komekko enjoyed it greatly; especially with all the food those adventurers later brought in.

Still! Today is going to be yet another day of great progress.

We'll start by buying some upgraded equipment and use them to complete a harder quest.

"Walk faster, lazy prince! Rorisa's waiting for us in her mage outfit. I can't wait to see it!"

"Don't talk to me. I can't believe you betrayed me."

On our way to the shop.

"I thought your singing was pretty good. You have great potential as a Crimson Demon."

"At least Crimson Demons don't betray people!"

Did you forget who wanted you to sing in the first place?

Anyhow.

See, I have grown disturbingly accustomed to this skimpy, poor excuse of healer armor.

I guess the whole "mobility" argument wasn't entirely false; I do run faster wearing next to nothing at all, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to escape those rookie killers for sure.

Though compared to this, I'd much rather keep my speed up through skills instead.

"Good morning my beloved loyal customers! You are the 10th to visit my store today, so enjoy your 20% discount!"

The store clerk greeted us from meters away.

"No, I'm serious! You guys are really the 10th to visit my shop in this whole day! Please don't leave…"

Talk about a struggling business. I can't personally see any problems, but maybe this prince of economics knows a thing or two.

"We're not leaving! We're here to buy new equipment, madam! The beginning gear you recommended last time worked wonderfully!"

Even though not wearing armor at all would probably have given us the same results.

"Oh thank Eris! How were your first experiences with adventuring? Was it harsh? Did it force the two of you into any desperate moments where you had to either hold hands or risk dying? Did you two get into any tight spots where you could hear each other's breaths… Oh excuse me. Here, go have a look at my new line of products."

If I ever get into that kind of situation with Revi, I would rather kill myself.

"Ah, th-thanks. We're just here to look for some basic light metal armor that our new stats can carry."

I responded as I walked off into the depths of the store.

From behind me, I could hear Revi striking up a conversation.

"You know, part of this unpopularity is clearly caused by your lack of proper advertising. See, your ads look exactly the same as the other stores'; you need to… "

A teenage boy lecturing a woman in her 30's. What a sight to behold.

And yet something tells me she's going to eagerly believe him anyway.

Looking at the lineup of healer clothing, I was mesmerized by the impressive colours and details in design.

I'm searching for the more heavily plated types that would allow me to tank more damage; they would resonate well with my damage reflect skill.

However, I noticed some interesting trends.

First was that the higher level armors included increasing amounts of gold and jewels.

Understandable, but…

While the armor suits look more fancy, they cover less and less skin as the tiers get higher.

… Of course, because the blacksmiths are all male.

Yet I still see some healers wearing them, which puzzles me. So I went back to the shopkeep to ask some important questions.

"Ah… We don't have any blue plate armor that's also light enough for beginners, I'm sorry. However, if you wish, we could dye some lower tier leather or chainmail armor blue and add papier mache- Oh, hey there! Any questions? Need relationship advice?"

"I'm not quite sure why he's asking about papier mache, but why are all the healer armor sets so… Um… Breathable?"

"Ah, it's simple. High level healers often have so many points on their defense stats that physical armour provides negligible protection. Of course, they don't know that, so we kind of rely on the placebo effect…"

"Hey! Don't just leak your industry secrets like that! That's how you get even less profit from your already struggling business! Now everyone will know and boycott high tier armor!"

I didn't know you co-owned this shop, Revi.

"Ah… thanks for reminding me. See, healer armor sets have higher emphasis on mobility boosting overall, much like thief gear. And…while I do recommend the more 'breathable' options for the sake of your teammate, you could try out some of the rogue armor plates; those are light yet effective."

Now I'm seriously suspecting that this shop in indeed affiliated with Revi. I must conduct an investigation when I return to Belzerg.

---

Later.

While I did find some great deals for very fitting and durable rogue armor...

"Whoa, all those cutouts… didn't you want something highly protective? The lady even told you their dirty industry secrets!"

"Shut up! I wear what I want!"

Some part of me, deep inside, did care about my appearance. I was entering my period of "most sexy years"; wasting it would be a shame.

Plus, strictly speaking, this body isn't even completely mine.

Not that I'm trying to compete with other girls; that's just immature.

"Hey, speaking of which, why did you… how much clothes did you buy!?"

Revi was walking beside me, holding a large basket of what seems to be deep-blue colored items of clothing.

"Ah… these? No worries, they weren't… that expensive. They are backups. Move along."

Well, I guess since he has the money…

Soon, we were back home. Not for long, because we plan to head out into the wild again this afternoon.

I quickly hid into my room to put on the new healer armor, which happens to have more cutouts than metal, as Revi pointed out.

The armor set was in fact designed for the fairy class, not the priest class. I chose it because most intermediate priest sets are robes that offer little real protection.

Of course, there's also the… other factor.

But in the end, I figured that fairies were the closest to battle-priests, as they are both suited for frontline presence.

I peeked out one last time to ensure that accidents won't happen…

"... Wow! Thank you nii-chan! I mean… Hmmph, ahem, your gift pleases the Red…"

Komekko was getting all excited for some reason. Maybe Revi bought a secret gift for her.

…

That's nice of him, I guess.

I sighed, and began to remove the newbie priest robe I've worn for two days.

It's really not as lewd as Revi made it; it covers everything except my upper back and is also slightly low-cut.

As I unbuttoned and unwrapped the clothing, I was surprised by how simple adventuring gear is compared to any royal outfit.

Despite being rather complex and tedious to remove, the robe was essentially the only thing I wore. Other than my panties, of course.

Only two items of clothing… I would not hold well against Kazuma-san's "steal".

I let the robe fall to the floor.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the bedside mirror. Or more specifically, the figure standing in it.

I guess the curse didn't alter my physical form a whole lot.

If it wasn't for my blue hair, I would look just like a princess.

Or rather, if it weren't for a princess' fancy dress and blonde hair, she'd look just like a regular adventurer.

Maybe I was never that far from the adventuring life after all.

…

Fine, I'll come to terms with myself. I bought this armor so I could feel like a magical girl. I'm not a princess in this state anyway; I can present my body however I want without judgement!

With that, I did a little twirl before the mirror and went about putting the plated swimsuit of an armor set on.

It came with a pair of wings for fairies to fly, but since my job is different, I cannot use them.

Functionally useless, but I ain't complaining.

"Everyone ready? The healer's here!"

I swung the door open to find…

"Great! That fits perfectly. Now, it's a bit heavy, but could you hold this sword and do this pose and say 'I will always fight by your side, my prince'?"

"Hmm, what a weird line to say. But alright! As long as the devil gets a good meal for lunch, she won't disappoint!"

"You two! What's going on here!?"

…Komekko was wearing a suit of blue armor bearing uncanny resemblance to the armor I wore as the princess.

So that's what that basket of blue clothes was.

And now Revi is telling her to pose with my sword while saying such a line.

"Oh hey Alice! What do you think of Komekko's new combat outfit? It's modelled after the very armour the princess of Belzerg wore to slay a dragon! We're big fans of her. What do you think?"

"I think… it looks fantastic! I heard she only offered to undertake such a task for the noble cause of rebuilding the financial support chain for her economically crippled, frontline military nation. And guess who suggested it for a lack of better judgement under the influence of an undercover demon? None other than the spoiled prince of Elroad. Totally not a fan of that dude."

"Whoaaa, big words, too fast! Slay a dragon? Military nation!? Komekko can't digest all this information…teehee."

The demonic archwizard giggled at her own joke.

Revi, however, seems unphased by my onslaught of disrespect.

"Ay! Know what you can digest about now? A nice meal for lunch. Let's go for food and meet up with Rorisa-san, Iris Junior!"

"Consider yourself dead, whatever we're gonna fight in the afternoon! As the princess, I will use the power of this holy sword to its full extent to destroy you! Take this-eh!? Waa? Haa!?" Komekko tried to swing the Excalibur only to lose her footing.

"Careful, princess! Are you alright?" Revi then picked Komekko up in a princess carry.

"Uwaa, screw this heavy thing… Iris Jr. shall turn to dark magic for aid instead."

I can't believe what I'm witnessing.

She even ditched her Red Devil persona to go along with Revi's sick gag.

I didn't sign up for any of this-!

---

Part 6

---

"I can't believe this."

I groaned the moment I saw the quest board.

"There are no low level quests left. Not even the mundane ones. How is this possible?"

The mostly vacant board has only a few posters still nailed on it.

And every one of those has stamps on them, indicating that they are either taken or completed.

"Well… there was a period of time when Luna-san had Sylphina-chan say encouraging words to reward those who completed annoying quests. With that soft voice of hers…well…"

Rorisa explained to us, now in her blue witch dress.

She looks very cute in it, I have to say. I wonder if she's ever baited male adventurers by pretending to be a beginner witch.

At least we won't catch any attention this way.

"There aren't even any vegetable harvesting quests when it's only spring."

Though, what are we supposed to do without quests?

Or a better question is, how do we continue to level up without quest rewards?

"Sources of experience… Include…" I thought out loud.

"Onion ducks!" Komekko immediately yelled.

"...Extinct as of last year. A certain party killed the last significant population in Elroad."

"Ehh!? Bu-but who would kill such cute animals? I used to eat them all the time with big sis! She leveled up so quickly because of them… "

I think you just answered your own question, Komekko.

"...Right, certain infused food items can also increase xp. Know a place where we could get those?"

"We're not Kazuma, we don't have time for that!"

Even the most magical food items can only provide a trickle of xp compared to any sort of combat.

"Whoa there, no need to namedrop just because you're jealous of Komekko-chan's new outfit!"

"Iris-sama wants to explore a dungeon!"

Komekko suddenly interrupted our argument, pointing at a completed dungeon raid quest.

"B-but Kome-princess, there is nothing to gain from there!"

"I don't care! Dungeons are the coolest! Even if they're empty!"

"Komekko, sorry but… we have to focus on leveling up for now so that we are prepared to visit the ruins!"

"Ruins!? What ruins!? You never told me about going to any ruins!"

Right, we haven't told anyone about our secret mission yet.

"That, we will go over eventually. For now, we just need to level up. Maybe not you, but us two at least…"

We will have to explain it sooner or later. The story is too long to tell out here in public.

"Umm… maybe unwinding a bit today won't be such a bad idea. W-what I mean is, Komekko-san must still be quite exhausted from yesterday's battle; so… I think it'd be fine if we went to a deserted dungeon as a vacation." Rorisa suggested, smiling down at Komekko.

Do older demons often tend to care for younger ones? Does she know that this girl is in fact possessed by something much grander?

Also…

"Dungeon vacations!? How could you so calmly suggest something this hardcore!? Ko-princess, are you sure you're alright with this?"

I have to agree with Revi here. No matter for how long a dungeon has been deserted, I will never feel comfortable in such high concentrations of dark aura.

"Yeah… if you want to properly rest, we could travel to somewhere more suitable- we could take you to the capital! It's a very mesmerizing place!"

"Hmmph, are you two afraid of the dark? Pansies! The princess wants to experience authentic demonic architecture. You must be excited too, right Rorisa-san?"

The small succubus nodded in an uncharacteristically motherly manner.

Needless to say, we're in front of a dungeon now.

The argument went in our favour until Komekko decided to abuse her stare of death.

"Fuaa~ I can just feel the ominous, chilly wind blowing out from the depths! Let's go in!"

The dungeon had a rather small, withered-down entrance; it must have been a rather insignificant hideout with not much loot.

"Ehh? Princess, your reaction is scaring me more than this dungeon is! … Are you sure you're not about to betray us and transform into the villain once we're inside?"

Oh, and that boy is still running with that stupid gag.

He's trying to wipe the last traces of my former identity off this world.

"A-Alice? Are you coming? What made you look so angry? It's really empty, I promise! I feel no demonic presence at all, so…"

At least Rorisa, the newest member of our party, still cares about me.

Annoy me all you want, but giving the royal Excalibur to this little unholy witch is unacceptable!

"Ravi! If you love the princess so much, why don't you marry her!?" I stormed down the brick stairs.

Wasn't he supposed to like me!?

"Whoa! Don't just assume our relationship! Could you be jealous that you can't find a man? By the way, if Komekko-chan is fine with it, I'd totally be her boyfriend!"

When did it become your turn to play hard-to-get!?I don't quite understand this development!

"But you can't argue that the sword is mine!"

"I never argued that! But Komekko, you love that sword, don't you?"

Komekko looked at me quizzically. Then at Revi.

"Hmm… You called Alice 'Iris' earlier when we were fighting goblins… That was a coincidence, right?"

To ask such a troublesome question while we're in a dark dungeon…

Komekko's red eyes are the only features visible in the dim corridor. It somehow makes me feel strongly intimidated.

"Hmm… Shortly put, I am indeed princess Iris of Belzerg. It's a long story why I'm here but-"

"Of course it's a coincidence! This girl has a bad case of chuunibyou, almost as bad as you girls! That's right, she's just a dreamy girl who really likes princess Iris. I called her by that name in the same way I called you; I was joking."

I never quite appreciated how impossible it is for me to prove my former identity until now.

Without any skills and with this embarrassing adventurer's card, I must look like some insane fangirl.

But that does not stop me from defending my honor!

"Oh you know that I am! why don't you explain how you found me and ended up here together?"

But before he could fire back…

"D-do any of you know Kazuma-san? I heard Alice mention his name earlier…"

Rorisa suddenly asked something important.

We abruptly stopped in the middle of a large, pitch-dark room.

"The better question is, why do you know him? You're a succubus, aren't you supposed to be his enemy?"

"It's…kind of a long story. [Ghost flame]."

A violet glowing ball of fire hovered from her palm, illuminating the dungeon chamber.

"The story is pretty long on our side too… "

Thankfully, Revi seems willing to drop his childish play and fess up.

"Wow! Campfire story time came early! Not that I'm complaining."

"Komekko! This isn't a joke! It's important for you to know the truth, too; so listen! To start, I am princess Iris of Belzerg and my partner here is prince Revi of Elroad. We were… kidnapped, by this apparent goddess named 'Regina' and body-swapped-at least that's what I believe happened-into our current form. In these forms, we are regular humans with no skills or genetic advantages. The only way she'll turn us back is if we go to the ruins of Nord and retrieve a magic item for her. Problem is; Nord is too dangerous for beginners, so here we are."

Now that I've said it out loud, the whole story only became more absurd to me. Why would she kidnap us to get the magic item? Why didn't anyone else find her town before us? If she's really a goddess, couldn't she simply teleport using her godly powers and get it herself?

"Lady Regina? What did she look like? Is she a tall woman wearing lots of magenta clothes? Did she have this symbol anywhere?"

Excited, Rorisa made two "8"s with her fingers and overlapped them.

"Uhmmm… Everything you just described matches perfectly-except her height. I wouldn't call her tall. Oh, she also seemed pretty obsessed with law, rather intimidating."

Of course a corrupt person would find law intimidating.

"I believe you; I believe that really was Lady Regina. We succubi were once her apprentices in manipulation and mind-bending before… a lot of things happened. Anyways, h-how did you find out about Kazuma-san?"

Oh no, she inevitably poked the massive sore spot.

Thinking back, didn't I long to adventure before this? What happened to my enthusiasm…?

I blame this immensely obnoxious Revi guy. Him and the damn toads.

"I'm sure you've heard about the extremely successful job he did as my bodyguard in Elroad, yes? Remember when the news of me slaying a dragon went all around? Yeah, that's how I got to know him."

Actually, it was the moment he dashed through my bedroom wearing a mask that I really got to know him.

"...I see… I'm not supposed to tell females about this; essentially, we succubi have a 'special' cafe that… um… 'serves' the male customers with… 'delicious meals' at night-you get the rest! He used to go there, a-and I… 'served' him a lot…"

Rorisa grew increasingly embarrassed as she went on.

"Whooa, why does your cafe only serve men? I think your snacks are great! You should definitely let more girls in! Like me, hehe."

Unbelievable.

If I'm understanding this right, those succubi are… using their natural abilities to please men and doing it for profit!? And Kazuma apparently went there a lot!?

W-what a scumbag. I have to take notes.

"Ah, no worries, Komekko-chan. Females don't get along with us very well… but we will always try our best to make great snacks for you!"

Rorisa caringly stroked Komekko's hair. What a heartwarming scene, despite the strangely arousing pink light emanating from the ghost flame.

"W-wait, so about that cafe… Where exactly is it? When will it be open? I'm uh… I'll help you expand your cafe into a international chain if you want! Ow!"

What a disgusting excuse. I elbowed Revi hard in the side.

"Well, it seems that the prin-no, Red Devil? Hmm, ah-the Red Princess' predictions were correct after all; nee-san and nii-san really are a real prince and princess! Hah, I knew it from the start! I was just testing you all!"

Komekko put on a smug smile as she spoke. This vacation is turning out better than I thought.

Maybe it's because I got a big rock off my chest; I'm feeling much more accepting of the current situation.

"I knew you were smart, Red Princess! We should all listen to you more, right Rorisa?"

Revi also seems to be enjoying this, but probably for a different reason.

In response, Rorisa-

"[Paralyze]!"

-suddenly casted a spell across the room.

"Huh!?"

Behind Revi, a multi-legged shadow twitched and curled up into a ball.

"That's… a big spider."

Well, the spider itself isn't big-it just has extremely long, hairy legs. The worst kind.

"I thought this dungeon was supposed to be empty! Where are these coming from!?" Revi yelped as he pointed at a nearby corridor.

Sure enough, my "detect enemy" skill is picking up a whole stream of spiders coming our way.

"Wow! Stuff to kill! This place is awesome! Take this-[Fireball]!"

Komekko only got more excited. When in doubt, kill it with fire, alright.

"Komekko, come back! This was supposed to be a vacation… My bow is useless against these pests!"

Oi. Aren't you supposed to be more worried for the person with basically no offensive skills at all!?

"Interesting… these creatures emit no demonic auras… They must not be associated with this dungeon at all."

Rorisa deducted as she sped after Komekko. I promptly followed.

"Haha! Die you lowly bugs! Cower before the powerful devil!"

Komekko's voice echoed down the hallway as she lit the place up with fire.

"Not from this dungeon? Then… where else could they come from? Did they crawl in from the surface and settle here?"

"Not typically… Dungeons are cursed to repel all foreign creatures, which is why you feel the eerie draft at the entrance."

"But judging by the numbers, they clearly didn't get here by accident."

Just as I was pondering-

"Komekko! Watch the floor!" Revi screamed as Rorisa swooped down…

… into a patch of darkness on the ground.

"Uwaaa! Good news, I found where they're coming from! Bad news…" Komekko looked down at a gaping hole on the floor.

Upon closer inspection, hundreds of eyes can be seen on the bottom of the hole, accompanied by an enveloping sound of crawling.

It seems that the corridor was built over a natural cavern. Over time, some bricks on the floor weakened, and collapsed down into the space below.

For some reason, the cave in question is infested with spiders. Luckily, Rorisa was able catch Komekko on her way down.

"Those must be spider golems. They feed on cursed materials and anything with demonic auras, such as bricks in a dungeon. They are easy to kill but are very annoying for devil architects… Oh, they also lay eggs in any creature they can find." Rorisa recalled with fear on her face.

What kind of monster is this!? Why would they hunt down demonic things? Dark emotions? What are they, designed by Vanir-san!?

I took a good moment to fully appreciate the sheer scariness of this scene before me.

"Ughhhhh that is disgusting!" x2

It's certainly been a while since Revi and I last shared a 'x2' moment.

"Right… I should be more careful about charging into things…" Komekko murmured, visibly shocked.

"Everyone, I have a brave idea."

Out of nowhere, this corrupt prince suddenly made an alarming comment.

"...We needed experience, right?"

---

The idea is to take advantage of the sheer number of chuuni spiders to quickly gain experience.

We will use Rorisa's demonic aura to attract and condense as many of them as possible into the cave below the opening; in addition, I will line the hole with holy water to prevent them from climbing out.

After a whole night of gathering, we will attack simultaneously to harvest hundreds of them for experience.

But we're also faced with a big dilemma.

...Where do we spend the night?

We could either go home, sleep in our large beds and leave Rorisa here alone for the night, or…

Risk our lives and sleep in this cold, scary dungeon.

The choice was obvious.

Rorisa is a succubus herself, she could navigate the dungeon as if her own home.

Of course we ended up staying in the dungeon because this chuuni kid had a thing against comfy beds. According to her, 'Why sleep in a bed when you have the chance to camp in a freakin' dungeon[sic] with your new friends[sic]?'

"Wow, Revi-san! That's amazing! Could you do it again?" Komekko exclaimed.

The cold dungeon room became almost home-like after a campfire was lit and some sleeping bags laid down.

Oh, Revi also took out his shiny, fancy foldable bathtub, which Komekko seems very fascinated by.

"As everyone may have guessed, us royals are very clean individuals. I have bought this convenient portable bath specifically for cases like this." Revi spoke with a sudden, unexplained accent.

Baths are nice and all, but…

"Oi, couldn't you have spent those 7 million Eris on something more practical!? Like, a sword or something?"

"Oh, 'tis but a drop in the bucket. Unlike your bankrupt fighting nation, us Elroadians have far more finesse and are thus much richer."

How about you stop with that accent first before trying to ridicule my people!

"Speaking of drops…this fine magic item is able to fill itself by drawing water out of thin air. Ladies first, enjoy your bath."

And he just completely exposed his ulterior motive.

This guy. He bought this expensive portable bath just to get the chance of seeing us ladies undress and bathe with his equipment.

We get that being the only guy in a party must be tough, but this is unacceptable and your stupid accent won't change that!

"Komekko, don't fall for this guy's-"

"Bathing! I always used to bath with my nee-chan… Iris-san, shall we go in together?"

"K-Komekko! Waaaaait!"

This overexcited naive child is already undressing!

"No! Don't fall for this boy's perverted tricks! He just wants to watch you bathe!"

I rushed to cover this hopeless guy's eyes, but soon…

"...Is that...a bathing suit?"

Komekko turned to me questioningly.

"This? No, it's my super demon fighting suit. Cool huh? Hehe"

No, that is clearly a two piece swimsuit designed to look like underwear.

"Nii-chan had it made just for me! Isn't it cute?"

With that, she turned around and showed it off, bat print bottom and all.

Swimsuit? With prints on it!? Is this the kind of fashion commoners have?

Though I've worn silk underwear with diamonds and sapphires embedded in ornate patterns, I still can't help but feel a little jealous of the bold design.

Wait.

Nii-chan!?

My hands went from Revi's eyes to his throat, throttling him.

"...just what ELSE did you buy for her hmmmm?"

"Gaaaaaack…...it waasssssnt meeeeeee!"

So, Kazuma-san huh? Well...I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

"Yup, nii-chan is so sweet! ...But these seem really precious to him so…"

Don't take the rest off now!

And of course this damn prince is starting to nosebleed.

"Ah, Komekko-chan! Look! Revi-san is hurt! What does he need right now? Say it out loud!"

"Wow, he is bleeding… Umm, some paper! Bandages!"

"...No, where do you lie down to rest? What do you do on it?"

"The… bed? Nee-chan taught me about some 'important' things I must learn to do on the bed, but I wasn't paying attention… "

"No… not that! You know what, just say 'sleep' for me!"

"S-[Sleep]?"

And thus the pervert has been taken care of… for the moment.

"Um, Iris-san? If you don't mind… I can keep an eye on him. Demons don't need to bath after all…"

Oh? Didn't know that, but it's convenient!

"Okay, thank you! Just make sure the twerp stays back here till we are done."

Rorisa plopped down beside him as I headed back.

---

"An opening!"

GACK

Ok, I know I can dry my clothes with magic, but I wasn't looking to get them soaked.

Rather, this loli is really asking for it, ambushing me!

"Uwaaaaaa, Iris-chan looks maaaaaaad! Whatever will this devil dooooooo?"

"...Challenging me to a water-fight, you really have some guts!"

"...Ehh!?"

"One moment please..."

"Why is Iris-chan grinning at me with such an expression as she takes her clothes off, wait, the devil calls a truce...Gyahhh!"

It was my victory!

None may stand against the royal tickle technique passed down through generations.

It was good the water level did not drop as we splashed several liters out of the magic tub.

After Komekko's unconditional surrender, we got about to properly bathing.

"This is real princess hair huh? It's very pretty, but doesn't feel too different than mine or nee-chan's…" Komekko mumbled as she shampooed my hair.

… While my real hair is still lost in the cosmos, she does bring up a good point.

"Royalty are still only human. When it comes down to it, aren't you crimson demons actually closer to being a 'special existence?"

"Hmm...well, no one really knows how it happened, but we crimsons demons have usually been shunned from the outside world for some reason… N-not that I'm lonely or anything! … But I see it with the other nee-chans. They work so hard to find a permanent party, even when they are so strong! It's almost like...being so great and cool is…bad?"

Well, to be honest, I wouldn't have let her join if not for Regina-sama mentioning Crimson Demons… But! I can sympathize in my own way.

Being treated as an extraordinary existence, like some untouchable flower on a hilltop. Like some invisible wall stood between you and everyone else… Until said wall comes down, somehow.

Ugh, and his face just had to pop up in my mind again… !

"Mnn, why is A-Iris-chan smiling?"

Iris-chan is just glad she has real friends now.

I don't really know myself, but-

I get it!

"Bwahahahahaha, stooop, stahp, I already surrendered! Nooooo!"

Lolis really are great, aren't they?

---

"...Actually, Revi-san...There was a matter I wanted to discuss with you…"

It seems like Revi has woken from his much needed nap.

"...So, really, I'm at a crossroads here, Rorisa-san. It really will help me out too if I can...Oh! You two done now?"

These two seem to be getting along just fine too!

A-am I the only one he's being awkward with!?

"Nii-chan, Nii-chan! Looky, The devil and the princess are sparkly clean!"

Revi came back round the corner with my permission.

Yeah, I thought he'd react like this.

"G...good, I was tired of waiting. No way I was eagerly listening to you two frolic like water nymphs!"

As we stood before him wrapped in our towels and carrying our cloths, this prince isn't even trying to hide his thoughts as he stammered red faced all the way to the tips of his ears.

It's ok, I'm alright with providing this level of service.

I just wish jailbait here would stop posing and pirouetting non-stop next to me!

"Just go and get your bath done! And if you peek on this side before we come back… You'll be sleeping for a good while longer."

"G-got it!" He ran off.

"Sorry you had to play 'prince sitter' Rorisa-san. As you can see with such temptations around...better safe than sorry," I said, shrugging.

"Ahh, that is quite alright, Iris-san. It wasn't wasted time anyhow. I had… some things… to discuss with him, and the 'negotiations' turned out fruitful."

"Oh, right, that's good then! Haha."

Whatever, It has nothing to do with me.

Wait!

Before he can enjoy his warm bath…

I peeked around the corner, to catch him about to pull down his underpants.

….

My eyes drifted to the wet towel strapped around my body.

Just now, I came up with a brave idea for getting him back for all the teasing he's done.

I quietly unwrapped the towel and twisted it into a rope and…

His pants are down. It's the perfect storm.

SNAP!

"Fu-! AAaaaahhh!"

Wow, Revi; I didn't know you were a hobbyist high jump athlete!

"What was that!? Something just bit my-"

Before he could finish, he was greeted with me wearing nothing. Nothing, that is, except a towel pressed against my groin and my elbow across my chest.

With a wink, I turned my back on him and strode away.

A real princess is more than a suit of armor, superficial boy!

---

Dinner was provided by more expensive magical wares.

Revi seems to have acquired a full field-kitchen-in-a-box item, clearly something of the national asset level to boot.

The wholesome meal made me very sleepy.

I'll probably fall asleep in the next few seconds.

Normally, a party would have to take turns being on watch through the night, but thankfully Rorisa-san has no need for sleep, and has a natural affinity for driving away lesser monsters or undead.

That means I can sleep easy.

Or, so I thought…

"Mnnn…Nee-chan…"

This little demon is a thumbsucker and a cuddler, it seems.

Our sleeping bags where side-by-side, so it didn't take much movement on her part to start spooning me.

It's not hard to picture her sleeping with a teddy bear every night.

And it's even harder to realize that I still do this. Of course, I will never tell anyone that.

"...Fuu…Huaaa…"

…Though I'll have to admit, her breathing is rather adorable.

Is this what I sounded like whenever I slept?

I...I think I get Kazuma-san now.

I'd much rather listen to this than…

"ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz… Hic-zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-"

Across the passageway from us way Revi snoring away in his bag, with Rorisa watching the fire.

This is one problem I've never dealt with before.

…I guess I'll count toads.

…

I think I'm at 200 toads at this point. And I thought my bath would have helped.

"Zzzzzzzzz-Iri-"

Hmm?

"-You really are…"

…What grand revelation are you about to make at a time like this? That I'm beautiful? That you still love me?

I inwardly shuddered at the cheesiness of my own imagination. I really could use some better novels to read-

"-ris is wonderful… in her own, bratty way. I even feel that…"

I opened my eyes.

The fire had died down to embers, giving off a warm glow that only faintly illuminated our chosen site.

"...I've admired you ever since..mnnn….You really...moved..."

Oh please don't tell me…

Sleep talking? Really!?

This prince is kind of…

…I guess, he's just being a boy.

Coming to think about it, what am I even expecting from him? Boys generally like girls, and that's normal.

Sure, he's a twerp, and perv and a hopeless weakling… But he isn't all bad.

And all the social pressure around a prince "chasing down" and "earning the heart" of a princess doesn't help either.

I almost feel guilty hearing what's supposed to be his innermost, deepest thoughts.

I very delicately extricated myself from Komekko's night time glomp, and crept over to him in order to better eavesdrop, I mean spy… I mean…shifting to a more comfortable position.

If he was just gonna pour his little heart out to me here, who am I to judge?

"...knew, then and there that I…"

Yeah, I pretty much guessed all this, but still it feels pretty nice to hear!

It's kind of cute in a special, wicked way.

"Mnnnnn…yeah…like...that…oh…mnnn…"

… Alright, stay calm, don't judge too quickly. He's clearly just-

"...Just like that… mnn…"

-He's having one of those dreams.

Now, I really should respect his privacy, and put away this notepad I've been furiously writing on.

"...N-no just for tonight babe… Everything's gone in the morning okay?"

Is this my fault for teasing him like I did?

"Oh…ah… Komekko…"

…I think just heard something incredible.

"...-ver since I saw you, I felt…"

Excuse me!?

"...Impressed me...to my very…I even…"

Ahh, I see.

It's okay to admire such a flamboyant and powerful girl. She's probably the strongest girl in the nation, besides me.

"...royals…different…"

Royals?

"...at a mere…age of…"

Say what now!?

"-so, it'll be alright ..."

Alright your face! I'm not sure what you're suggesting, but I'll have none of it!

"Zzzzzz… zzz-Wha? What the hell?!"

"Ahh, you seemed thirsty over here, so I brought my canteen over. I'm so sorry. Oh, and you can clean that up yourself without my magic."

"Excuse me, but could you two keep it down, Kome-tan is a deep sleeper, but this much yelling could wake her. Also, you'll draw monsters you know?"

Rorisa sat behind me, regarding us with a deadpan expression.

"Ahh, sorry, I was just helping the poor prince out. He's never lacked for attendants to wait on his every need so…"

"Like hell! Um, actually…I do want to thank Rorisa-san for…well… 'looking after me' tonight, I greatly appreciate her time."

Why is he licking the boot of a succubus?

"No problem, Revi-san. Apologies! Keeping my monster repellant field up kept me from looking any 'deeper'...We can do it again 'properly' when we get back to Axel."

"...E-eehhh? Really?"

Revi looks completely at a loss, eyes wide as he glanced furtively back and forth between each of us.

Do… what exactly?

Does she somehow have to do with the dream talking earlier?

I just wanted to adventure; but this guy's hormones are making everything 10 times harder.

Is it impossible, or at least very hard, for a party of mixed genders to stay platonic?

Settling back into my bag, I cuddled and glomped seemingly reflexively. Closing my eyes, Kazuma's tale of "Dark_Angel" drifted through my fading consciousness.

Except… something felt off about it this time.

Instead of the "princess", Kazuma and his powerful guild I've always pictured…

I saw Komekko and Revi.

---

Next morning.

"...Can we go home now?"

A royal zombie greated me early in the morning.

"T-[Turn undead]!"

"Gyaaaahhhh!"

Revi jumped as the spell's light surrounded him, although not as high as he had last night.

"Rough night, prince something something wannabe Casanova?"

"Ummmm… While I appreciate the joke, p-please be mindful that spell can hurt innocent bystanders…such as myself-!"

Ah, sorry Rorisa-san.

"That was a great night! The Red Devil feels even more rested than usual for some reason. Let's roast a whole lot of spiders and….Roasted? You think we can eat them? Hmmm…"

Insanity of appetite aside, eating spiders made of rocks probably isn't a good idea.

We went and checked out our little trap.

"…" x4

"Hey prince, wanna go for a morning swim to wake yourself up?"

From above, the dense crowd of rock spiders appeared liquid. The mass of moving legs resembled ripples very well.

Thankfully, their intelligence is little more than that of zombies.

"Oi, everyone, remember they're just golems ok? It's not an actual slice of hellspawn nightmare vision in front of us, just a really, really good imitation...heh…hehehh!"

Funnily, I do not think anything bad would actually happen if a normal person jumped down. They feed only on demonic things, after all.

"While it does indeed resemble some particular spots in hell, I didn't think it would have such a strong sanity reducing effect…"

The scariness of hell just reached a new level.

Eris-sama, I'm sorry for everything...please don't let me be damned.

"Enough staring, weren't you going to farm these things for XP? …I…The devil won't be able to hold back the genocide for much longer!"

Right. We have a job to do here.

"This is gonna be easier than shooting fish in a barrel. The environment down there is obviously all spiders. The ceiling is spiders; the floor is spiders, the walls are spiders… and to an extent, even the air is spiders. If you breathe that in… Okay, let's not breathe it in." Revi quickly said, as if trying to calm himself.

We'll split this into four, for fairness sake.

Each person will attack in one of four directions all at the same time with the most powerful weapon they have.

Revi loaded one of his high explosive arrows as I prepared to chant my exorcism spell.

As for Komekko and Rorisa… I think no questions needed to be asked.

"Everybody ready? On three…"

"Ummm… can we do this-"

"One,"

"-at a time?"

"Two…"

"I don't think I have-"

"Three!"

"[Exorcism]!"

"[Scattershot]!"

"[Blast]!"

"[Insanity]-!"

-Ahhhhhh!

Self-check… Great, I can still see.

That had to be the single brightest and loudest thing I've ever been through.

The enclosed dungeon really served to magnify everything tenfold. I should perform here if I ever go for the singing career.

For a second, the ground shook as a thousand glowing particles filled my vision.

"Oof…Iris-san, look! They're all gone!" Komekko excitedly stared down the hole.

Indeed, what used to be the wavy ocean of spider is now but dead piles of black dust.

"Uuaaa, I didn't get any experience… My spell did damage over time…"

Poor Rorisa looked on the verge of tears.

…Hmm, thinking back, I do kind of remember hearing her suggest for us to go one at a time…

Sorry, Rorisa-chan! For now, let me see what I just unlocked.

But before I could take my adventurer card out-

Rumble-

"...Oi, didn't I hear somebody use 'blast'?"

"Oi! I don't handle certain foods well, I'm sorry…."

"Not your bowels! We got bigger issues!"

Dust and dirt started to cascade down from the ceiling-

"Ok, who used an explosive type spell in bloody cave!?"

Crap.

We are way too deep inside the dungeon to escape in time.

"Look! My onee-san forced me! Since I couldn't afford explosion magic, she made me learn a lesser version! Ahhh so sorry everyone, we're gonna die here!"

"Why did you learn that skill anyway!? That's no intermediate magic!"

"Even your sister knew not to do that!"

"Noooooo, my new experience farming startup business is ruined!"

"...I'm going back to h-hell over some spiders I didn't even kill?"

Enough commenting, we should be getting out of here!

With a ginormous crash, the cave filled with dust, as we were knocked off our feet.

"Cough, cough..couuuuuuuugh!"

As we collectively hacked up a lung, the dust cleared and-

"Ah...It seems only the spider cave collapsed. Thank Vanir, my visit home can wait…"

"Noooooo, my experience farming startup business is still ruined!"

"T-the devil is… Uwooooooo!"

Komekko suddenly became very hyped!

"The Red Devil is overflowing with experience points! I-I feel ….There must have been a whole lot of tasty monsters down that dungeon shaft!"

She whipped out her adventure card and-

"Oh…my…"

-And deflated.

"What's wrong, let me see it...oof!"

There had indeed been more monsters, enough to kill our party fifty times over.

Vast numbers of really scary monsters had appeared on Komekko's kill count.

"No fair! Those arrows were very expensive… This is barely enough to learn a single skill and I've lost all hopes of making money out of this place…Grrrrrrrrrr!"

"That's what you get for dealing with the devil. H-how can you blame me for being too strong?"

I can't believe those two have zero regard for the danger we've just survived through.

"Shut up you two! The cave just collapsed and this dungeon is who knows how old. Rorisa, please lead the way, I'm getting my butt out of here now!"

"Hey, wait! I think I finally see the 'light of the path of explosions' now… Can I blow the rest of this dungeon up before we leave?"

---

-That's a wrap for chapter three!

-We are trying to speed up releases on this story!

-Sincerely, LordVTP, Uranophane, and BoringBone!